[My College Girlfriend's Dramatic Changes in 28 Days] (Diary Entry #26) Author: Kuruma Souji

Author: Cheyu Zongsi Word
Count: 26979

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(Day 26)

In the middle of the night, I was suddenly awakened by the sound of a door closing. I opened my eyes and saw Fatty Wang sneaking
in with someone. Thinking the door slamming was too loud, I quickly complained, "You scared me to death! Could you be quieter?"

I pretended to be asleep, squinting as I tried to make out… Damn, it was Huang Zan. What's this kid doing here?

Fatty Wang led him towards the stairwell: "Come on, let's go upstairs."

I quietly followed, watching them head towards Fei Qing's room. Fatty Wang was probably in charge of watching Fei Qing;
he was also embezzling. They closed the door, and I pressed my ear against the doorway, listening to their conversation.

Huang Zan seemed relieved: "Damn, you're such a jerk. You borrowed my girl, and now I have to go through
all this trouble just to have sex with her."

"Isn't this a sensitive time? It seems Brother Yu is planning something."

"Come on, little girl, did you miss me?"

Fei Qing seemed to have just woken up: "You... how did you get here... ah..."

She didn't expect Huang Zan to be so impatient. He barely had any foreplay and immediately pulled down his pants and penetrated her. The sounds of sex, slapping and Fei Qing's tired moans,
could be heard .

After a while, Huang Zan muttered again, "Is Xiao Yuan here too?"

"She's not here right now."

"Damn, where did she go... ah... Qingqing is still the tightest, I love you so much."

"Brother Yu took her to the factory."

"What factory?"

"I can't say..."

"Ah... let's change positions, it's a bit awkward... mmm... oh... so good... damn, both of my
girls are on their periods at the same time, I'm so pent up... I'll fuck you to death, fuck fuck fuck... hey, what can't be said
? What kind of business does Brother Yu do?"

"I really can't say."

"Hey, you said I brought Xiao Yuan here, and I brought Qingqing here too. I've done so
much for you, and now I have to fuck her secretly, isn't that unfair..."

"Didn't you... have a bad time with the girl back

then?" "I don't care anymore, do I? Her boyfriend sells her openly, doesn't he?"

"That's true... Brother Yu... might not trust you..."

"Then wait until that girl comes back today, and let me sneak a turn. I'll hide here and not go anywhere.
That girl is so hot, I'm addicted. So many others since then haven't been as exciting."

"I don't know when she'll be back today..." Fatty Wang hesitated.

"I'll wait, okay? Haha. Oh, the little girl's climaxed! Come on, is Huang Zan's cock good...
oh oh, it's gripping... tight... fuck your mother... fuck you to death... fuck you to death..."

"Ah ah... ah... ah... um... ah... I can't take it anymore... brother... ah... Huang Zan's father
... ah..." Fei Qing seemed to have truly reached a climax, and lewd words came out with her orgasm.

"Huh? Is it okay? Fatty, we've been buddies for so long. Tell me, am I getting the short end of the stick?"

"Tsk, how about this," Fatty Wang relented, "You hide here for a bit. If you come back today
, I'll let you have a go."

"Great! Fatty's awesome, so loyal! Come on, Fatty, chime in... We're good brothers, let's fuck together."

"No, I'm really tired. I've splattered on these two girls five or six times today, any more and it'll be blood. I need
to rest for a bit."

"Okay, oh oh... awesome..."

Hearing Fatty's footsteps approaching the door, I yelled "Oh no!" and quickly ran downstairs,
pretending to . But I couldn't sleep anymore. My mind was filled with thoughts of how to use Fatty Wang and Huang Zan to do something.
I mainly thought of Fatty Wang, but he was clearly very close to Yu Liao, so it might be difficult
to make a move . But Huang Zan, always simple-minded, his brain is all in his dick, maybe he really could.

I squinted, pretending to sleep, but I didn't dare to fall asleep. Wang Pangzi wandered around the first floor for a while, drank
a glass of water, and went upstairs. I stayed here, keeping an eye on things, watching to see when Xiaoyuan and the others would return.

At five in the morning, there was a commotion outside. I sat up, thinking that Xiaoyuan and the others must have returned. Sure enough,
after the door opened, a man carried Xiaoyuan in. He was also exhausted, saying, "Damn,
I'm dead tired, this girl is so heavy now..."

Yu Liao walked in, smoking a cigarette, also looking tired: "Bullshit, Xiaoyuan is so light, less than a hundred pounds,
you're too weak."

"This girl has reached her limit today, haha, she passed out several times."

"Yeah, she finally begged for mercy. The first time I've ever seen her beg for mercy."

"I really thought she was going to die, it scared me to death."

Xiaoyuan was wrapped in a towel, her hair was messy, covered with dried semen, and her face was also covered in semen.
She looked asleep, carried on the man's back. Her knees were completely rubbed raw, with two very obvious bloodstains. Her feet dangled
to her sides, swinging listlessly. They carried Xiaoyuan into the house, placed her on the bed, and even turned
on the light admire her again.

Xiaoyuan was thrown onto the bed, let out a soft groan, turned her upper body slightly, and looked for a pillow,
but her legs seemed unable to close, remaining spread wide. Her legs and lower abdomen were covered with tally marks,
indicating either ejaculation or orgasm, but a rough count revealed more than a dozen.

Yu Liao patted Xiao Yuan's face: "Are you alright? Still alive?"

Xiao Yuan hummed in agreement, grabbed Yu Liao's hand, and hugged his arm: "Xiao Yuan... was fucked to death by
the brothers ..."

"Hehe, you're still alive. Close your legs and go to sleep."

Yu Liao helped Xiao Yuan close her legs, but she cried out in pain: "No... it hurts so much..." "You

can't close them, haha." "

Ugh... it hurts so much... Xiao Yuan, just leave them like this, don't move..." Xiao Yuan lay there with
her legs wide apart, hugging a pillow and closing her eyes to sleep. The men covered her with a thin blanket, but Xiao Yuan felt hot and
only covered her stomach with the corner of the blanket. From my perspective, looking at her messy lower body, I could imagine what she had gone through.
Her pubic hair was all stuck together, and the semen was clumped on it because of the amount. Her entire labia and the area around her anus were covered in
mucus, and a strong fishy smell could be smelled up close. Her anus was completely red and swollen, and closed tightly due to the swelling. But
The vaginal opening was partially open, with a clump of something stuck there. The skin around her
perineum was noticeably darker, not to mention her labia, making
the contrast between her lower body and the rest of her incredibly fair and delicate skin stark.

"It smells a bit bad, wash her tomorrow morning. Hey you, find her some clothes and put them by the bedside, in that
big , there are some ready."

"Okay, I'll go right away."

"Everyone else, go to sleep. Who's going to watch her?"

At that moment, Fatty Wang appeared at the door: "Brother, I'll do it!"

"You? It's okay, let the underlings handle it."

"I've rested all night, it's fine, I'll watch her."

"Alright... but she was taken a bit too far today, don't do anything more, don't interfere with our later
arrangements ."

"Understood." Fatty Wang readily agreed. I knew he was arranging for Huang Zan to have sex with Xiao Yuan.

After everyone left, I found a relatively nearby spot to sleep. Sure enough, a little while later,
Fatty Wang and Huang Zan tiptoed downstairs and slipped into Xiao Yuan's small room. I followed them and peered into
the doorway, only to find it locked. That bastard Huang Zan is always impulsive and reckless; he might do something
to hurt Xiao Yuan. I was worried, so I went around to the outside and looked out the window.

"Damn, this girl's been fucked like this. There are so many tally marks, one, two, three... fifteen,
sixteen , sixteen zeros and threes. Damn, over ninety times?"

"Probably the number of orgasms. He can't ejaculate that many times. There are only about a dozen people at the factory."

"A dozen people is entirely possible! Look, look at all this semen on her body, damn... it's a bit disgusting
."

"You think it's disgusting? Are you going to go for it or not? If not, hurry up and leave, it'll be dawn soon."

"No... I don't find it exciting like this." Huang Zan looked hesitant.

"Then you should leave."

"No, no, I'm going to fuck, I haven't even ejaculated yet." Huang Zan unbuckled his belt, revealing his penis. He probably thought
Xiaoyuan was a bit dirty, so he specifically put on a condom.

Xiaoyuan was still wide open, and Huang Zan had no resistance at all. He aimed at Xiaoyuan's vagina and gently
inserted the head of his penis: "Here it comes, Xiaoyuan, your favorite Huang Zan brother's cock." As he spoke, he lowered his body and
instantly entered her completely. Xiaoyuan woke up instantly, as if punched, but then
lay back down weakly, her hand resting lightly on Huang Zan's shoulder: "Who is it... not letting me sleep..."

Huang Zan began thrusting, and Xiaoyuan cried out in pain: "No... brother... I really can't take it today..."

"Heh, you always say that... fuck... you always get pleasure after a little fucking... huh? Slut?
Bitch?"

"No... ah... it really hurts... I can't..." Xiaoyuan opened her eyes in pain, and when she saw it was
Huang Zan, she immediately screamed: "Why is it you! Don't touch me!"

"What are you doing? Don't you like me fucking you?"

"You slut!" Xiaoyuan struggled, and somehow found the strength to stop Huang Zan from fucking her. Huang
Zan held Xiaoyuan down tightly, straddling her and thrusting forcefully: "Bitch... you're covered in semen
, why are you pretending to be a virgin? I've already fucked you, so just enjoy it."

Xiaoyuan's legs were still struggling desperately, but the more she struggled, the more violently Huang Zan thrust. I was getting anxious watching
this, thinking that Huang Zan was a real scoundrel. Xiao Yuan was clearly unable to take it anymore.

Huang Zan probably thought that if he penetrated her, Xiao Yuan would naturally give in, but she had no such intention. She even
bit Huang Zan's neck! She seemed to bite very hard, and Huang Zan immediately screamed and dared not penetrate her anymore.
He pulled out and pushed Xiao Yuan away with all his might, clutching his neck and kicking her in the stomach!

"What are you doing!" At this moment, Yu Liao ran into the room and saw Huang Zan kicking and hitting Xiao Yuan.

Fatty Wang hurriedly ran over: "Brother Yu, don't be angry, this..."

Without saying a word, Yu Liao kicked Huang Zan off the bed with a flying kick: "Where the hell did you come from,
fucking my girl, do you want to die! Someone! Beat this bastard to death!"

Huang Zan immediately cowered and knelt on the ground begging for mercy: "Brother Yu, spare me, Brother Yu, spare me, I will never dare to do it again."

Xiao Yuan clutched her stomach, tears streaming down her face, in pain, throwing everything she could grab at Huang Zan.
Once his stomachache subsided a little, he rolled off the bed and started hitting Huang Zan on the floor: "You bastard! Who told you to sleep with me
...you scoundrel, you piece of trash...uh...you're hitting me..."

Huang Zan covered his head, not daring to fight back. Seeing several henchmen rush in to beat Huang Zan, Fatty Wang hurriedly pleaded:
"Brother Yu, this is all my fault. I was too soft-hearted and let him in to sneak in and have a little fun. I thought it would be fine...
please give me some face and let him go, okay?"

Yu Liao was truly enraged: "I knew this kid was no good! Go to hell!"
With that, he kicked Huang Zan again, sending him flying into Xiao Yuan's arms. Xiao Yuan covered her head and started hitting him again.

Fatty Wang pleaded repeatedly, and thankfully, it didn't escalate into a group fight. Finally, Yu Liao couldn't resist Wang Pangzi's pleas:
"I'll let you go today for your brother's sake. Don't let me see you again, or I'll beat you every time!"

Huang Zan, having saved his life, kowtowed and rolled away on the ground. Wang Pangzi followed him out,
afraid his henchmen would beat him again.

Seeing the two run out, I suddenly had an idea. I followed them out.

Huang Zan was still badly kicked. He hadn't gone far when he bent over and vomited by the roadside. After vomiting, he
started cursing, "Fuck the hell! This is Changping! If this were my turf, would I let him bully me like this
... Fuck, it hurts like hell!"

Fatty Wang patted him on the back, "I told you so, but you wouldn't listen."

Huang Zan clutched his stomach, struggled to sit up, and then stomped his feet twice on the ground in anger, "Damn it, I'm so
unwilling to . This bitch, why can't I just let her fuck me properly? I can't swallow this. I'm telling you, Fatty, you have
to find a chance to fuck her until she doesn't even recognize her own mother."

Huang Zan cursed and swore for a long time before finally feeling a little better. Fatty Wang didn't dare go too far; he had to
go back and explain to Yu Liao. Huang Zan left on his own. After a few steps, he took out a cigarette, tried to light it, but couldn't
find a lighter. He seemed even angrier, repeatedly cursing, "Fuck, fuck."

I walked over and lit a lighter. "Hey bro, got a light?"

"Oh, thanks," he said, lighting it and looking up to see it was me. He was startled. "Holy crap, it's you."

"Huang Zan, I didn't expect to see you here."

"No, damn, I heard you're now working as a pimp?" He was taking advantage of me,
but I wasn't angry. I calmly replied, "I can't help it, that's what I like."

"Then you should thank me." He patted my shoulder.

"I really should thank you. Let me tell you, I've always wanted Xiaoyuan to be fucked by countless men, and you're the one who fulfilled
that wish."

"Heh, really."

"Really, look at me here now, isn't it just to watch her get fucked?"

He took a deep drag on his cigarette, grinning maliciously as he pointed at me: "You're a real pervert."

I smiled sheepishly: "But, this guy surnamed Yu looks down on us students. See, you
won't let me fuck you, so I won't either."

"You won't let me fuck you either? Then you're at a huge loss?" "

Yeah, I can't swallow this."

"You want to..." He made a thrusting motion with his lower body, his smile particularly lewd, as if he
hadn't been hit at all, and immediately perked up.

"Yeah, I think... I know you and a few friends trained Xiaoyuan back then, and Xiaoyuan told me everything.
Actually, the impression was pretty good at the time, a little misunderstanding is fine. Guys, shouldn't we experience it again?"

"Heh, the problem is, look, I'm helpless."

"I can convince Xiaoyuan, you just need to get Fatty Wang to help find a chance to bring her out."

"No way, Fatty Wang probably won't dare to do it again this time. He's pretty afraid of Lao Yu."

"Do you know Fatty Wang's background?"

"No."

"Fatty Wang's dad is the deputy director of the ** branch! He's Brother Yu's backer, Brother Yu wouldn't dare do anything to him
."

"Really!" Huang Zan's eyes lit up, he was really tempted, "Don't tell me I only heard a little bit about him from Fatty Wang, no
wonder he's living such a carefree life."

"So he can definitely handle this, you just need to use your brain a little." "

What brain?"

"Did you guys have any videos of you having sex with Xiaoyuan?" I knew the answer, of course I did. I have another copy.

Huang hesitated for a moment, then admitted, "Yes."

"Then I have a way. You tell them Zhang Zhen and the others are unhappy with him, insisting he take Xiaoyuan out,
or they'll leak the video to the school. Threaten them like that, then offer some incentives..."

"Incentivize them with what?"

"Brother Yu made some new drugs this time, they're really potent. I'll give you a bottle, and you can call Wang Pangzi and
say we should all try it. I'm telling you, he'll definitely be tempted."

"Really... if Brother Yu has drugs, surely he'll have them too? I always get mine from him..."

"This is a new drug, it's only been used on Xiaoyuan, nobody else has used it. Brother Yu is very strict."

"You can get it?"

"Yes." Without thinking, I blurted out this boast.

"If you can get the medicine, I'll dare tell him. Here's the deal: once you get the medicine, we'll both go find Fatty.
He's seen the medicine, I haven't. He'll only believe it if he sees it."

"You don't trust me."

"No, the problem is Fatty won't trust me then."

This opportunity is rare; it might be the only chance to get Xiaoyuan out. I gritted my teeth: "Okay, I'll text you as soon as I
get the medicine. You arrange to meet Fatty, and we'll act once we see the medicine."

"Okay," Huang Zan grinned maliciously, "It's settled then, I'll wait for your message."

He turned and left, giving me a once-over, his eyes seeming to say, "
I've never seen anyone so eager to sell their woman like you." I gritted my teeth, thinking I had no choice but to rely on this scum.
If it weren't for him, Xiaoyuan and I wouldn't have been dragged into this chaotic world. Even if Xiaoyuan is naturally promiscuous
or easily manipulated, she's still a student; how could she have fallen to this state, like a bitch?

If I had the chance, I'd really like to see Huang Zan die in front of me.

Back at the villa, everyone was still resting. One of the younger men asked where I'd been, and I said nothing, just wandered around and bought
a pack of cigarettes. He didn't seem suspicious and borrowed one from me. Most of the people were asleep,
but Xiaoyuan wasn't in her room. I was wondering about it when I saw someone helping her out of the bathroom. Her legs were hunched over,
and she was sliding around on the floor with her toes pointing outwards. In the end, the man had to carry her back to the house.

The man was still teasing Xiaoyuan: "Giving you a bath was so tiring, you washed off so much filth..."

Xiaoyuan hugged the man's neck and said coquettishly, "It's all because you guys are so naughty, you shot so much on me,
it's all sticky. And you even stuffed things into my pussy, what was that..."

"I stuffed your socks in, hehe. How creative, I finally managed to pull it out, a huge lump, all
stuck in the semen."

"Ah, I'm so embarrassed, don't say anymore... those guys over there are so bad, they don't care about me at all, they just kept
ramming me, my legs can't even close."

"Isn't it because you're too slutty?" The man laughed heartily as he closed the door.

What is Xiaoyuan's heart made of? How can she smile so sweetly, be so shy and effeminate to every man, be so pleasing
in bed , and so compliant off the bed? Is her heart divided into rooms, each holding a separate soul? Throughout the whole
process, I stood here, watching her, watching her pass by me. But she didn't even
glance at . I was completely ignored, like air.

Around three or four in the afternoon, Xiaoyuan still complained of pain down there, but all the men had already rested and were ready
to go. Seeing that Xiaoyuan wasn't interested, Fatty Wang asked Yu Liao for some medication, saying he wanted to stimulate her a little more.

Yu Liao disagreed: "Let her rest if she wants to. She'll be fine by the afternoon at most. You
shouldn't use that medication." "

Why?"

"Oh, listen to me, I have my own plans. Or, how about you use some of the medication I gave you last time?"

"That doesn't feel stimulating anymore."

Yu Liao looked around and pulled Fatty Wang to the door. I sat slightly towards the door, relying on my good hearing
to hear their conversation. Yu Liao put his arm around Fatty Wang's shoulder: "Young man, don't always play these games. To be
honest , medicine is a good thing, but you have to use it wisely. Once something is abused, it's no longer fun, right?
Look at me, I haven't used any medicine excessively. You have to know how to use it, right? I'm going to edit the footage this afternoon, make it into a video,
and send it to some bosses. You stay here and help me keep an eye on these brothers. If anything happens, ask your friend Fu."
"Brother, he's got some nerve. Let him take you, okay? Your dad entrusted you to me, so I have to take responsibility."

Wang Pangzi, having just angered Yu Liao that morning, didn't dare say another word and nodded repeatedly.

Brother Fu was the man who carried Xiao Yuan into the house earlier. He was someone Yu Liao trusted. It was
clear that Yu Liao was quite strict with Xiao Yuan and genuinely cared about her.

But from Yu Liao's words, I could tell he probably still had drugs on him. I figured I
had to find a way to get my hands on them so I could make a deal with Huang Zan.

Seeing Yu Liao about to leave, I timidly went over and said to him, "Brother Yu, I...I want to go back to
school ."

Yu Liao glanced at me sideways, "Go back to school? Aren't you afraid Zhang Xiangnan will find you?"

"Well...the key is I have an email to send."

Yu Liao thought for a moment, "Don't go back. While I'm gone, you keep an eye on your girl, make sure she serves the brothers
obediently . If she still won't let the brothers sleep with her today, you'd better beg her, understand? I'm not that
kind, always trying to make her look good. Let me tell you, if she doesn't listen, I'll be the first to deal with you."

Seeing his stern, arrogant look, I didn't dare to be disobedient and nodded repeatedly.

Yu Liao had Brother Fu find me a computer so I could send the email. Brother Fu obviously didn't expect me to send any
emails—he probably hadn't even used one much. His mind was entirely on Xiao Yuan. This still gave me a chance to be
alone. I took my phone's data cable, connected it to the computer, and transferred the recording of Scarface's conversation with me.
Then I opened the emails in my inbox and found Yang Fei's email address. I sent the entire recording to Yang Fei.

This was my first move. I couldn't predict Zhang Xiangnan's reaction—he might
not let me off the hook, but he definitely wouldn't abandon Yu Liao. If they were willing to spend time looking for Scarface again,
it would buy me more time. Anyway… I'll just have to take it one step at a time.

I found that fate is truly unpredictable. If Yang Fei hadn't sent me that email, I would have had a hard time contacting
them, and this move wouldn't have been possible. Fate left me small cracks, perhaps it still didn't want
me to perish. I comforted myself like this.

What about Xiao Yuan? Did fate also leave some cracks for Xiao Yuan?

Perhaps, I mean perhaps. Perhaps the crack that fate left for Xiao Yuan was me.

After sending the email, I went downstairs and found several men holding Xiao Yuan, playing with her breasts and genitals.
Xiaoyuan struggled, "I told you I can't take it anymore... it hurts so much down there..."

Seeing I was finished, Brother Fu beckoned over, "Come on, your girl's being naughty, talk to her."

I hesitated, "Brother, she won't listen to me."

Brother Fu pulled out a knife, suddenly grinned maliciously, and walked over. Before I could react, he
grabbed my neck, the tip of the knife pressed against my Adam's apple. I was instantly terrified and didn't dare move...
The feeling of having a knife pressed against my neck was truly terrifying. In an instant, my legs seemed to go weak, and the urge to urinate immediately assaulted my entire lower body.
I even felt as if I had already peed.

"Xiaoyuan, we've been talking to you for ages. If you don't behave, don't blame your brothers,
I won't feel as sorry for this kid as I do for you."

Xiaoyuan stood up and straightened her clothes slightly. It was a thin, off-the-shoulder lace dress, very casual. The hem
was low, reaching her knees, obscuring yesterday's marks; only the band-aid on her knee was still
conspicuous . She gently lifted her skirt, revealing that she wasn't wearing underwear; the bruises on it testified to
the abuse . Although the tally marks had been erased, the marks, written with a marker, were still visible.

"Look at what happened to Xiaoyuan yesterday. Brother Fu, wait a minute, ten minutes, okay
? Xiaoyuan, can you give us a kiss first?"

Seeing Xiaoyuan's submission, Brother Fu shoved me aside, took the knife, and walked to Xiaoyuan. He grabbed her collar and
slashed down with the knife, tearing her clothes in two, exposing her entire delicate body. He rubbed Xiaoyuan
's breasts: "Help me take out my cock."

Xiaoyuan smiled, reached out and unbuckled Brother Fu's belt, pulled out his already erect penis, then knelt down and took the glans into
her mouth , expertly licking it. Five or six men nearby, including Fatty Wang, hurriedly formed a circle,
their penises eagerly pressed against Xiaoyuan's face, ensuring she received their share.

Brother Fu turned around and pointed at me, saying, "Kid, why aren't you taking pictures of this precious scene? Hurry up!"

I nodded hurriedly. The camera was in Brother Yu's bedroom, so I rushed in and rummaged through the drawers. Just then, I
caught a glimpse of a pair of pants hanging on a clothes rack. It looked like there was some semen splattered on the pants, which is why they were moved
here . This looks like... Yu Liao's pants. What if there's medicine inside! I quickly went over and rummaged inside.
There really was! I pulled it out, but I was a little disappointed. It was basically an empty bottle, just like the previous one, except
there was a little bit on the bottom.

I was lamenting that I didn't have a good solution when suddenly an idea struck me—Fatty Wang had only seen it before, so did he have any
way to distinguish it? This was exactly the sample I needed; I could just copy it! I was immediately overjoyed, put the medicine
bottle in my pocket, and then took the camera and went downstairs.

I kept taking pictures, faithfully recording the scene of Xiao Yuan being gang-raped. She seemed very obedient;
although her lower body was obviously in pain, she still tried her best to please me, which made my heart ache. However, she was indeed exceptionally gifted;
even with her lower body swollen and painful, she continued to experience orgasms, much to the delight of the men.

The rape continued. Suddenly, I heard my phone beep with a message. Taking advantage of their intense activity, I quickly
excused myself to pee and went to the restroom to check the message. This is from Lao Liu: "Yu Liao, born in 1972, is your
classmate. He stayed on as a teacher after graduation, but was expelled for molesting female students and violating school rules. Later, he was involved in foreign
trade , but his whereabouts became unknown after the business failed. Rumors suggest he was involved in drug smuggling, but he soon retired from the business and
has no criminal record. In the past three years, he has had close ties with nightclubs and bathhouses in Beijing, especially in the suburbs. He briefly ran a KTV
, which he sold a year ago. Currently, he seems to be running an insecticide factory, but there aren't many orders, which is
suspicious."

"Wang Tao has no criminal record and is relatively clean. I told you about his father's identity before. His mother is probably his father's
ex-wife . His mother is quite strict with him, only visiting him at school once a week. His stepmother is slightly older than him and is currently
a manager at ** Real Estate Company. Several properties under Yu Liao's name were purchased through his company." "

Also, your package has arrived. I'll be at the Shanxi Noodle Restaurant at 8 PM tonight.
Meet ."

Old Liu was really helpful; this gave me a general idea of what was going on. I replied, "Yu Liao is suspected of
selling illegal drugs. Can we call the police?"

"They have powerful connections. Don't alert them. Don't call the police. Just make sure you're safe. Also: give me my money."

He's definitely after money, no doubt. But then again, even if I called the police now,
I don't have any real evidence. Alerting them might endanger me and the two girls. I
'd
better take it one step at a time. But honestly, even if I manage to get Xiao Yuan out of here, I haven't figured out how to get out unscathed. Even if I don't care about myself, I have to care about Fei Qing, right?

Fei Qing… if only she hadn't gotten involved.

If there's a chance to get Zhang Xiangnan and Yu Liao to fight, maybe the chances will be even better. Calling the police then would
be an option.

I returned to the living room. Xiao Yuan was being triple-raped, her mouth completely gagged, so I couldn't tell if she
was in pain or pleasure. But after just a short while, she climaxed again. Although the men
were still complaining about the lack of excitement and wishing they had some kind of drug, their thrusting was still incredibly excited,
as eager as dogs in heat.

It was almost eight o'clock, and everyone had already ejaculated. Fatty Wang, however, was still full of energy, holding Xiaoyuan's buttocks and penetrating her from behind. He held a marker pen, writing "I'm a slut, come fuck me"
on Xiaoyuan's back with great interest as he thrust , marking each of Xiaoyuan's orgasms with a tally mark. "Ah...Xiaoyuan...it hurts so much...my legs are so sore...brother...let Xiaoyuan rest...ahhhhh ...no..." Every time Xiaoyuan begged for mercy, Fatty Wang thrust even faster: "Begging for mercy? How can you be so weak-willed? Can't you just do it properly?" "Ahhh...Xiaoyuan...Xiaoyuan is going to come...ahhh...ah..." Xiaoyuan convulsed again, her squirting onto the sofa. The group of beasts quickly checked to see if it was pink. "Is that right?" "No." "If it's not, then it's okay. Oh, I'm about to cum, can someone take over for me? I need a break." A short guy with a buzz cut, stroking his penis, said, "I'm almost done, I'll take over." Brother Fu thought of Fei Qing at this moment: "Who's doing that Xiao Qing?" "Jin Gang is doing it. It seems like he and that Xiao Qing have developed feelings for each other. They say sweet nothings during sex, it's disgusting ." "She's a slut too." "Absolutely." Seeing that everyone was a bit tired, I said I'd go out to buy some food. Brother Fu tossed me a hundred yuan: " I feel a little bad that you've been spending money these past few days. Go, and buy some beer while you're at it, perfect for washing Xiao Yuan's pussy with beer." I took the money and quickly ran out. When I got to the Shanxi noodle shop, I saw Lao Liu already sitting inside, reading a reference article. I sat down , and he kicked the box over to me: "There's a lot of stuff, just look at it here, take the important ones, I 'll keep the rest for now." I opened the box, took out my phone camera, and took pictures one by one. Here are Xiaoyuan's passport, plane ticket, and some notebooks. She's definitely going abroad. I glanced at the ticket—it's for the day after tomorrow! That means only two days . But… Xiaoyuan shows no sign of leaving. Has she changed her mind? Or does she feel she ca n't go at all? Why, why has she never mentioned it? Some of the notebooks have our old love letters pasted on them. I flipped through them, and suddenly felt a lump in my throat, not looking any further. There was a hardcover notebook I'd never seen before. I picked it up and saw it was Xiaoyuan's diary. She has a habit of keeping a diary. I've never kept one, but she always has. I even used to tease her, saying, "The teacher tells you to keep a diary, so you keep one? You're too obedient. " But now, this diary is a metaphor for some kind of hope. I can sense that many things might be contained in this diary. I took the diary, put the rest back, and asked Lao Liu to keep it safe. He put down his newspaper and reminded me, "Don't play with fire, this Yu Liao is no simpleton." I nodded, "I know, don't worry about it. Just take the money and do the job. Hey, by the way, have the test results come back yet?" "No, the sample size was too small." Old Liu didn't look at me, turning his head back to reading the newspaper. Sigh, although the result was disappointing, it was also understandable. I wrote down my roommate's phone number and the location of my hidden money, telling him to go get it himself. "I'll talk to my roommate, you can just go get it then." He put the note away, "Okay, if I don't get the money, I'll come after you." I put away my diary and went to another restaurant to buy food. As I was leaving, Old Liu stopped me and warned me again, "Don't do anything rash, you can't afford to mess with these people." I believed him, he was right. But I had no way out. In life, there are so few things we can decide. Maybe if I move forward , I will lose everything, but there is also a tiny chance that I can salvage a lot. But if I stop here, I'm destined to lose countless things I cherish, and my self-respect as a human being. I sighed, "Thank you, I understand." When I returned with the food, everyone was already starving. Xiaoyuan was also hungry, but she hadn't had a proper chance to eat. They were feeding her while having sex with her, putting food on her back. They were just feeding her bits and pieces intermittently, like feeding a dog . I clutched the diary, looking at her before me. I couldn't suppress the urge to look at it, to know if the Xiaoyuan in the diary was the same person before me. I hid the diary until everyone had calmed down and gone to sleep that night, before I dared to take it out. I secretly read it in the bathroom by the light of my phone screen. For two hours, I read it word by word, until my phone ran out of battery. I don't know when the tears started flowing, I only know that because I kept wiping them with my shoulder, my shoulders were completely soaked. Many parts of the diary were wet with tears. By the end, when I looked up, I found I could barely stand. Waves of heartache washed over me, like a heart attack. I wanted to scream, to roar, to punish myself—to pound the wall, to cut myself with a razor blade. But I couldn't do any of that. I could only hide in the bathroom, secretly sobbing, afraid to even make a sound.

A sound.

"The hell of the living will not appear; if it does, it is already here, it is in the world we
live in every day, it is formed by our collective existence." This quote is from *Invisible Cities*.

I thought I had just stepped into hell, but in fact, I had been in hell for a month without realizing it.

No, we have always been in hell without realizing it.

Xiaoyuan knew, perhaps she knew, so she was unmoved by the devil's torment. She knew that hell
was like this.

I went out of the house, put the diary in a plastic bag, and buried it in the small garden in the backyard. I cannot
let even one devil know Xiaoyuan's heart. Only I can go there.

(Diary Entry)

March 7, 2001, Rain.

Today is a gloomy day, and I feel so bad. I was pushed by my father and twisted my ankle; it
still hurts. I tried not to cry, but I cried anyway. My mother cried too.

Every time my father sees me cry, he doesn't hit me, but he hits my mother instead. I tried to hold back my tears, but I couldn't help it.
How can I stop crying? Is there a medicine that can stop me from crying, so I can stand up for my mom?

Dad loves me. As long as he doesn't drink, he won't hit us, and he's very gentle.
He notices and buys me anything I like. So Mom says Dad is forgivable. But I just
can't help being afraid of him. Maybe the key is the alcohol. I need to talk to him nicely and tell him to stop drinking. If he
stops drinking, things will be much better.

Mom is pitiful, but I still hate her. Because she always secretly reads my diary. How can she do that
? My diary is my privacy. Why does she have to read it? It's hard to have no secrets; she must have secrets too.
Starting today, I'm going to keep two diaries, one for telling the truth and one for just recording my daily life. That way, she'll only
see the diary entry and won't look for my real diary.

In short, don't cry, be a strong child. I need to convince Dad to stop drinking.

July 6, 2002, Sunny.

Today Dad made Mom sad. He didn't hit Mom; instead, Mom hit Dad, and he didn't fight back.
Usually, Dad is the one who hits people, but today he was hit and didn't fight back, leaving me unsure who to help. Mom kept
crying, and even when I tried to comfort her, she kept crying and wouldn't stop. I asked her why she was crying, and she said I was too young to understand
anything .

I'm not young anymore. I'm already in sixth grade, about to go to middle school, how can she still say I'm young?
Besides, Dad often tells me to be strong like a boy. I don't cry much anymore, so I'm already quite
strong, aren't I? Why does she still say I'm young? I'm taller than most of the boys in my class; they're all little kids
and wouldn't dare bully me. So I think I really have grown up. Mom needs to realize this; she needs to be more
proactive and not always make me prove myself to her. Can't she realize it herself?

I never have time to keep this real diary. I always waste time keeping fake diaries. Keeping a fake
diary is a complete waste of time! But it's precisely because she always treats me like a child that I always spend time keeping fake
diaries. So the problem still lies with Mom.

Starting tomorrow, no more TV. I need to keep a good diary and study hard. I'm going to middle school soon, and I
need to act more like an adult so my parents can get to know me better.

November 3, 2003, Cloudy

. Today I received praise from my teacher. She praised my writing, saying it was already at a middle school level. I think I
can do even better; I just need to read more classic works. Today I read the first five chapters of *Dream of the Red Chamber*, and I
still felt I didn't understand some of them. Ancient things are indeed more difficult to understand. However, I'm still confident; if I can
understand *Journey to the West*, I'm sure I can understand *Dream of the Red Chamber* too.

Uncle Sun gave me a fountain pen today; it writes very well. I've always wanted a fountain
pen fills; it feels very clean and won't get my hands dirty. Uncle Sun is very tall and has a very manly air about him. He also knows how
to choose gifts; no wonder Mom always praises him.

Mom said Uncle Sun is a very loyal person who has always helped Dad, and told me that I should look for friends like
him. People who can't share hardships aren't true friends. I think finding such friends is indeed
quite difficult . My friends are always changing their minds. Today they say they're friends with me, tomorrow they're friends with someone
else . They have no integrity whatsoever. Maybe girls are just like that—unfaithful. That's why I still prefer hanging out with boys.
They're all very loyal and will stand up for me. I think Zhang Hao is a particularly loyal person. He always
stands up for me, and he's also a good student. His only flaw is that he likes to fight. Since he's always fighting, he's bound to
get beaten up eventually. Wouldn't it be embarrassing if he got his face badly injured?

So I always try to persuade him not to fight so much. But he doesn't listen at all, which makes me really angry.
Although he's loyal, he doesn't respect my opinions. If I'm going to find a boyfriend, I want someone who can stand up for me
and listen to my opinions. Otherwise, he'll end up like my dad, stubborn and self-willed.

On September 5th, 2005,

my mother cheated on me. She had sex with Uncle Sun in bed. I'm still feeling lost and helpless. I definitely
can't tell my dad; he'll beat my mother to death. Should I tell my mother not to do that? Still
, I said nothing.

Even though I'd read similar descriptions in books, the scene of intercourse was still shocking. Through
the crack in the door, I could see Uncle Sun's thing inside Mom's body, like a knife, stabbing
in and pulling out. Mom seemed to be in great pain, constantly groaning. Shouldn't this be a pleasurable process
? Why was she groaning so painfully? Was it because she was afraid?

If she was afraid, why did she do it? Was she trying to get revenge on Dad? Because Dad never
came home, because he always beat her. But no matter what, she shouldn't have betrayed him!

My heart is still pounding, and I can't even write properly. I'm so afraid they'll find out I saw it, I'm really
terrified. Before, when my sister and I watched porn, we'd only glance at it and then stop, finding it disgusting. But
seeing it in person, I didn't feel disgusted, just terrified, my whole body trembling.

How am I supposed to face Uncle Sun after this? I definitely won't dare look him in the eye again. I've always
respected him, but now I really don't know if he's a good person or a bad person. There are so many things in this world I can ask...
Others, but there are so many things I can't ask anyone. I can only think about them myself, but it's so difficult.

October 6, 2005, cloudy.

Today, Uncle Sun let me touch his penis. He told me to call it a dick, but I didn't. I
tried to explain to him that he shouldn't continue to destroy my family, but he only told me how much my mother needed him.
He said he wanted me to see if it was bigger than my father's. But I've never even seen my father. He was clearly
being a pervert, but I had no reason to refute him. Because everything he said seemed to be true.

He said my father hit people and hurt my mother, and I couldn't refute that. Because Uncle Sun really loved my mother, and my mother
always praised him highly. He said love is free and shouldn't be bound by marriage, and I couldn't
refute . I could only say they shouldn't do that kind of thing. But then he would say how incredibly pleasurable that thing was.
I couldn't refute that either, because I had no idea.

If that thing wasn't pleasurable, why would people do it? Why are there so many pornographic films?
Why do people engage in prostitution? Why are those things described so realistically and beautifully in books? I'm really
curious, but I also know I shouldn't touch upon this matter yet. After all, it's a shameful thing,
and without a foundation of love, it's not worthy of praise. But when Uncle Sun asked me to touch his penis,
I couldn't resist.

Because I find it hard to imagine how something so large could be hidden. Even if it could change size,
the change is too exaggerated, truly unimaginable. I remember once when Zhang Hao held my hand, his penis also
swelled up. He seemed flustered and turned away, afraid I'd see. Was it also changing?

Zhang Hao must have changed because he loved me. What about Uncle Sun? He said he loved me. But
I feel this love is different from the love I had with Zhang Hao. This love should be called sexual love. Is
sexual love more real, or is love more real? I don't understand. But I'm clear on one thing: love is a matter between two people,
while sexual love doesn't necessarily require two people to occur.

On November 1st, 2005, a cloudy day,

my mother discovered that Uncle Sun had asked me to kiss his penis. She hit me for the first time, very hard,
crying as she did so. I truly knew I was wrong. I shouldn't have been so curious, and I shouldn't have hurt my mother. She said
she wanted to break off her relationship with Uncle Sun. I wanted to ask, didn't she love Uncle Sun? Would she be sad if they separated
? But I didn't dare ask. I knew this was taboo, something that shouldn't be mentioned under any circumstances. No matter
what you think or do, don't tell anyone.

She said we were moving immediately, to the county town, to live with my father. She said that although it was
small there, she felt more secure with my father. Everything she said was contradictory! She had clearly said before that
being with Uncle Sun made her feel secure, and even asked me if I wanted to be with him.

She repeatedly said she wanted to protect me. Does protecting me mean leaving Uncle Sun and going to my father? My father would hit us,
but Uncle Sun wouldn't. Which behavior is more harmful? I don't care about society's opinions; I care about my mother's
. I also hope my mother cares about my opinion. I've read *Dream of the Red Chamber* twice, and societal views
are often wrong. If societal views extinguish humanity, they will kill! It was because society didn't tolerate
Jia Baoyu and Lin Daiyu's love that Lin Daiyu died tragically. It was because society didn't tolerate Qingwen's shrewishness that Qingwen
died tragically. The old society considered love a poison, so it wanted to kill love. So how do we know that killing
love through sex is necessarily right?

Uncle Sun didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. Kissing his penis was
a result . I was also curious why he seemed so comfortable when I kissed him. He even said that being kissed
made him happier than having sex with my mother. I felt a little sense of accomplishment. Although it was only a little,
hearing his praise made me quite happy. I even thought about helping Zhang Hao kiss his penis too. But every
time he got an erection, he would avoid me. Actually, I could tell that he also wanted to have sex with me. Of course, sex is
out of the question . We shouldn't have sex before we get married; that would be entrusting our bodies completely to another person.
Without the contract of marriage, it's too hasty. But just a kiss wouldn't be a problem.

November 30, 2005, Sunny.

Today I almost had sex with Zhang Hao, and thinking about it now terrifies me. Since it was the last time we met, I
agreed to let him kiss my penis. But I never expected him to force himself on me. I really didn't expect him
to be this kind of person; he showed me no respect at all.

Now I realize how terrifying it is to actually have sex. Imagining something so huge
entering my body, I can't even bear to think about it. And for a moment, I thought about what if I got pregnant?
How could I take responsibility for the child? There was no way. I thought about it repeatedly before refusing him, but he
suddenly became so violent. Like he went crazy. I kept telling him that if he didn't let go of me, I would scream,
but he didn't say anything, just kept spreading my legs.

Is this what men are like? Once driven by lust, can one forget everything, even
the vows made? He clearly promised me that he would ask for my consent before doing anything together, and that he would
respect me 100%. Without that, I wouldn't be with him at all.

Although leaving him is still painful, even after what he did, I'm still heartbroken. But I
still need to reflect on this relationship, on its true meaning. Is he really someone I should invest my time in? If he
is, then even if we're separated by thousands of miles, I'm willing to be with him. If not, even if he comes to me,
I won't see him.

I understand that love has many passions, many moments that can't be suppressed. But more importantly, it needs restraint and
respect to be complete. Otherwise, what's the difference between us and animals? I think I'm right, and if I have
the chance I'll talk to Zhang Hao about it.

The weather is beautiful today. I originally planned to stroll around the mountains with Zhang Hao and while
away . But now, I can only sit here, sighing at the impermanence of life and
the sadness of the difficulty in understanding each other.

August 1st, 2007 (Rainy)

Today, Liu Feng confessed his feelings to me! So happy! So happy! He's such a blockhead; if I hadn't repeatedly reminded him,
he'd still be wandering around aimlessly. But I haven't said yes yet. Because my studies are really demanding right now, if...
Will being with him affect my grades like I did in middle school?

He's not as tall as Zhang Hao, but he's a little more handsome and more talented. Unlike Zhang Hao,
who's only good at fighting all day. Most importantly, he has a really nice voice. I love hearing him read his
script on the radio every day; it's so pleasant to listen to. My sister says you'll regret not having a relationship in high school, and I think I wouldn't regret it
if I dated him.

If there's any regret, it's that his confession was really half-hearted. He should at least say
a few more words when confessing; he just kept repeating that he liked me like a broken record. Why does he like me? It can't be
because I showed interest, right? Wouldn't that make me seem too cheap?

My life has been really happy lately. My dad has been hitting me less since I started high school; he's become gentler
. I think it might be related to him winning the deputy director position. After all, he hasn't had a position worthy of him
for ; it's really a waste of his talent.

I wish life could stay like this forever.

On June 19, 2008,

Liu Feng, that blockhead, finally mustered the courage to kiss me today. Our
relationship has progressed so slowly; it took almost a year to solidify. While I bear some responsibility—I
wasn't firm enough with Zhang Hao initially, allowing him to cling to illusions and remain entangled—ultimately, it's because he's too foolish. We

always have endless things to talk about when we're together. Even at home, it's hard to calm down. I feel this is
true love. With Zhang Hao, it was more of a curiosity about romantic relationships, not
this strange impulse. It's as if, even if he weren't a boy, I'd be willing to spend my whole life
with . At first, I always thought he was shorter than Zhang Hao at only 175cm. But now I
don't feel that difference anymore. He's always so talkative, making me feel a sense of awe when I look up to him;
it fills me with a girl's emotions and is unforgettable .

Most importantly, he truly respects me. He wouldn't dare cross any lines in our relationship without my permission
. I think this really aligns with my expectations for relationships. Is sex really that important
? I increasingly don't understand my mother's affair with Uncle Sun. If she loves
Uncle Sun as much as I love Liu Feng, then they could do without sex, right? Or, if she truly loves Uncle Sun so much
that they have to have sex, why is she still with Dad? They say they're not divorcing for my sake. But I'm
already so old, shouldn't I be able to think about all that? If they fight all the time, it will make me
very sad .

Dad has definitely changed now. I think that's a very important point. Maybe that's why.
Because he's changed, Mom loves him more than Uncle Sun.

The monthly exams are coming up soon. I hope to get good grades so I can
spend . I also hope he gets good grades so I won't feel guilty about being with him.

December 10, 2009, Snow .

Yesterday, I had sex with Liu Feng for the first time.

I gave my first time to the person I love. I don't regret it, but I'm still very scared. Although it was just
a small hotel, on Purple Mountain, after a perfect trip, and with both of us agreeing
, I have no regrets. My fear is of getting pregnant.

There's still a dull ache between my legs, so painful I can't sleep. Liu Feng's penis isn't big, maybe
not big as Uncle Sun's—or perhaps I've forgotten how big it is. But I really didn't expect it to
hurt so much. It felt like he was tearing me apart. He was clumsy, unable
to find the right spot, so once he finally got in, he refused to pull out. But
he was still gentle, and after my pleas, he finally pulled out. The sheets were covered in blood, so much blood.
It looked terrifying.

After he finished, he felt guilty, feeling he had hurt me, and held me, comforting me constantly. He was still hard, but I
couldn't satisfy him, which made me feel guilty. But I was in so much pain, so much pain
that I just wanted . Looking at it this way, I guess I'm an irresponsible girlfriend.

It's been a long time since I've kept a diary, but I feel I must write down something so important. I want to record my
thoughts and feelings. That way, even when we're old, we can reminisce together, right? Being
together is like this, step by step, towards the final destination. Each step may have small regrets, but as long as we don't
make any big mistakes, it's all harmless. He is still the only one in my heart, and I am the only one in his.
Love doesn't need to be perfect; as long as we both acknowledge and respect each other, that's enough.

Long-distance relationships are really tough. As soon as he leaves, I start missing him. Every time he asks if I miss him, I
say no. But I don't know how much I miss him! Is he feeling the same way, like he's being cut by a knife? I always try
my best not to think about him; if I do, I can't live.

February 16, 2010, Sunny.

Today Zhang Hao insisted on seeing me. He said he's been thinking about me all these years and feels we're still a good match and
shouldn't give up easily. Why doesn't he understand? The past is the past; there's nothing to reminisce about.
Letting it go is the best thing to do. But I had to stay in my hometown for a week, and if I didn't talk to him properly, he would come looking for me
every day .

But when I saw him, I repeatedly became unlike myself. Even though so much time had passed,
his words still moved me. After all, he had been pursuing me for so many years, and I truly felt indebted to him.
But what good was indebtedness? No matter what I said, he was unwilling to give up easily.

So in the end, I agreed to give him one last kiss, and then never see him again. I really put my heart
into this last kiss. After all, I gave him my first kiss. That fluttering feeling was still faintly there.
He was very tall, and I had to stand on tiptoe to kiss him; the feeling was slightly different from kissing Liu Feng.

Perhaps because it was the last kiss, it really lasted a long time. He touched my breasts, and I didn't stop him.
I was afraid he would suddenly turn into a beast like before. But thankfully, he didn't. In short, he still left
. This story can finally be put to an end, right?

May 15, 2010, Sunny.

Today I did something I deeply regret. I had relations with Zhang Hao.

Zhang Hao came to Nanjing to see me. He said he was in Nanjing for further studies and asked me to show him around. I thought everything
had been laid bare and he wouldn't have any more illusions, so I agreed. He asked me to go to karaoke with him, and I
didn't object. Unexpectedly, we ended up having sex at the karaoke bar.

Maybe because I had a little to drink, I actually allowed him to kiss me again. He was different from before;
he wasn't reckless anymore, but kissed me while touching my sensitive spots. He seemed to have prepared for
this , first constantly stroking between my legs, and despite my repeated resistance, he still took off my pants.
In the past, I would definitely be scared, but after drinking, I didn't feel scared; only my rationality told me
I couldn't do this.

But his movements were really strange; his fingers touched the most sensitive spot inside my vagina.
It felt like I was suddenly electrocuted; my body went limp and weak, my head was dizzy, and I didn't know where
all the impulses came from. Every time Liu Feng tried to put his fingers inside, I wouldn't let him, but because I was drunk, I really
could stop him. Was it because I usually restricted him too much that Liu Feng couldn't let loose? Every
time , it was very dry, even painful. But because of his caresses, I produced a lot of fluid, and
he penetrated deep inside me all at once.

Once his last line of defense was breached, I felt like I couldn't resist anymore. I thought he
would finish quickly, but unexpectedly, he kept thrusting, making me orgasm again and again. Liu Feng always said
he was afraid of ejaculating, so he would stop when he was about to feel it. But he didn't care at all; the more I felt his penis
swell, the more I trembled and tensed, and the faster he went.

The feeling of orgasm is truly amazing. I realized that what I usually experience isn't an orgasm at all, but just the approach of
one. During orgasm, it feels like looking up at the Milky Way, and I feel dizzy, my limbs feel light, as if
I'm floating up and being thrown into the air. The scariest thing is that just when I feel like I've landed on the ground, I'm thrown
up . I'm actually very perceptive; I can always sense when Liu Feng is about to ejaculate, and then I masturbate him until he does. But
when Zhang Hao ejaculated, I didn't feel it at all. I just felt a wave of heat suddenly engulf my body
, and the place where we were touching convulsed uncontrollably.

It really felt like I could feel every detail of his penis, and it was so hot,
like a red-hot iron rod inserted deep inside me.

So shameful. So shameful that I can't sleep now. After we finished, I cried and he took me back to the hotel,
where I kept washing myself in the shower. But unexpectedly, he came in and violated me again. He
shamelessly said, "Since we'll both have to take birth control pills anyway, let's go crazy one last time."

Just like that, I was not only violated by him, but he violated me three times in one day. Now Zhang Hao is lying on
the bed not far from me. I can't sleep, but this criminal seems to have no guilt at all, sleeping very soundly.
What should I do tomorrow? It's so late now, I can't go anywhere.
What ?

I miss you so much, my dear.

May 18, 2010, Rain.

Today Zhang Hao finally left. I'm still in that hotel. Ten minutes ago, we just finished
our last tryst. Yes, tryst. I finally understand what it felt like for Mom and Uncle Sun to have sex
. It was something like this. A savage, almost self-indulgent kind of sex. This feeling
was completely different from the harmonious feeling I had with Liu Feng. It was more like a complete release.

I'd never spent so much time with a man before, three days and three nights eating and sleeping together.
Not to mention sex. We did it countless times, most of those three days were spent having sex. He
always ejaculated inside me, without considering the consequences. My self-control was so weak. Just a little alcohol
and a little guilt towards Zhang Hao led to such a terrible result.

Sex and love are really different, I really understand now. Sex is sex, love is love, they are
completely different things. If I were to judge Liu Feng by the standards of sex, he might not be up to par. But
it's hard for me to make him up to par in pursuit of love. If I were to judge Zhang Hao by the standards of love, he would absolutely be down to par. But the feelings I had these past three days
were so real, indelible.

I couldn't help but cry. I hadn't cried in so long. Even when I did cry, it was because I was separated from Liu Feng, and
I cried out of longing. Those tears were pure. But these tears of regret were bitter, causing
my whole body to ache. I will never indulge like this again. I sent Zhang Hao a message saying I never
wanted to see him again in this lifetime.

June 19, 2010, Sunny. I've

been particularly irritable these past two days. It's all because of the scholarship. I clearly qualify for the scholarship,
but my advisor keeps saying I'm not good enough in this or that. It's nitpicking! I am usually a bit
careless and forget some small things. But the scholarship rules don't mention these things,
so why are they making demands on me?

My advisor is quite handsome, and I initially liked him, but I didn't expect him to be so fussy. I have to finish all the forms
today and hand them in to him. How is that possible! Looking at all these forms is driving me crazy; I don't even want to do anything
right now .

And ever since Zhang Hao left, I've been worried about getting pregnant. My period still hasn't come. I
hate him so much; how could he be someone I loved? He's a complete scumbag. I feel so
sorry for Liu Feng. How am I supposed to explain this to him if I'm pregnant? I did take birth control pills, but the instructions
say they're not 100% effective. That small percentage of ineffectiveness is keeping me up at night.

I miss Liu Feng so much; it's all because I was too reserved before. I should cherish every moment we spend together,
and try spending a whole day with him like I did with Zhang Hao. My body is definitely starting to crave that
feeling. Orgasms are truly unforgettable. It's like a strawberry cake; after a while,
you'll always remember its sweetness. If you can't have it, it's a little painful.

I've also learned to masturbate, trying to touch myself like Zhang Hao did. I looked it up in books and learned about
the clitoris , G-spot, and so on. But I can never quite grasp that most sensitive point; it's like
scratching I still miss Liu Feng! And this blockhead, no matter how I talk to him, he just doesn't understand my feelings.
Sometimes he even finds me annoying. I haven't fulfilled my responsibilities as a boyfriend at all!

However, betraying him was wrong. But people always have to pay the price for their past. I shouldn't have
trusted Zhang Hao. I want to forget this whole thing; at times like this, I truly understand what people mean when they say there's no going back
.

June 20, 2010. It

's raining heavily outside. The sound of the rain is like the chatter of birds, making it impossible for me to
calm down.

How should I face Liu Feng? I have absolutely no idea. I betrayed him again. Twice, and
twice in such a short time. This time, I have absolutely no excuse. No matter who I have a relationship with, I shouldn't have
had a relationship with that counselor! I have absolutely no feelings for him!

Gu Han, that scoundrel, he threatened me that if I didn't have a relationship with him, he would make a big deal out of my absence from the class
meeting and affect my application for an exchange student position. He's simply a despicable person. But
even with such a despicable person, I was still humiliated by him. I only hesitated for a moment, and he
seized the opportunity and pinned me to the bed.

This is rape, isn't it? This is blatant rape. But I still felt something. Why? Does sex really
not need any emotional preparation? I've read many reports about rape victims going insane. That must be incredibly painful and
unbearable. But I really felt something.

He even took nude photos of me and threatened to post them on the school's BBS if I didn't obey him, making me
a celebrity. He even stole Liu Feng's phone number and threatened to send it to him. I was so stupid. Why
did I go to his dorm alone at night to hand in the form? Why did I listen to him? I was so stupid.
Just the slight temptation of the scholarship made me make this mistake.

I'm not pure anymore. But no matter how I explain myself, it's useless. I'm no longer the
innocent been molested and violated by so many men. How can I face Liu Feng? Maybe
only breaking up with him can make me feel less guilty. But I really can't do it!
I don't want to lose him, no matter what.

I really want to cry. But there are so many people in the dorm. I can't show the slightest sign of anything amiss. I can only
hide bed and write in my diary. This diary is truly my lifeline. Without it, I have nowhere to release so many of my emotions
. Is it really so powerless to be a woman? Unable to control my own destiny, unable to control my own
body, often left to be manipulated by others. I've thought about turning against Gu Han; the worst that could happen is not graduating.
But how can I face my parents? They have such high expectations of me, and they've sacrificed so much for me.
My father hasn't hit me in a long time, constantly urging me to improve my studies. If they knew I couldn't continue my studies
, how heartbroken would my proud father be?

I'm so lost. But when I call Liu Feng, he doesn't answer. He always seems so busy. I really
hope he can appear in Nanjing and teach that scoundrel a lesson. Sometimes I can't help but think of
how Zhang Hao protected me when I was little. If it were him, would he? Maybe he would back then, but I'm not
sure about him now. He just hurt me without any restraint.

July 14, 2010, Sunny.

Today I had sex with Gu Han again. He seems to understand my body more and more, and I'm
finding it increasingly difficult to refuse him. It's possible that transgressing boundaries is something you can never do, once you do, there's no
going back .

He knew better than Zhang Hao how to make a woman submit, and the more he understood me, the stronger
his ability became. He was completely different from what he looked like; in bed, he was a beast. He was clearly a pretty boy,
but his penis was thick and dark. If I hadn't looked closely, I wouldn't have believed that something so large could be inserted into my
body.

He would even insert his fingers into my anus during sex, without any concern for the filth. The feeling of his fingers
thrusting in and out from behind, and the sensation of his penis gripping the flesh in between, made it very easy to orgasm. Once I orgasmed, it seemed like there was no
reason left. I always tried to avoid orgasming, initially struggling, but he
always managed to succeed. Now I really don't dare to think about the relationship between love and sex. I don't have
the right to think about this question.

My parents used to be very loving, so enamored with each other. Even today, they still constantly
praise each other's virtues. But they both betrayed each other. I even witnessed Uncle Yang and my mother
having sex. And I believe that for those six months, they had sex at my house at least two or three times a week. Perhaps love
really is this irresistible. But no matter how I try to comfort myself, I can't bring myself to think about
the scene where Liu Feng discovered all this.

Today, Gu Han even demanded that I bring the other girls from my dorm to him. How could he make such a
shameless request? But if I don't satisfy him even slightly, he's like a robot, instantly
getting hard again, bullying and humiliating me. I can only satisfy his various perverted demands, just so he won't send my
nude photos to Liu Feng.

Fortunately, the holidays are coming soon, and I can finally go home and have a few peaceful days. Originally, he wanted me not to
go home and to stay in Nanjing to serve him. But thank God, he's going on a business trip to Austria.

August 2, 2010, rain.

I thought Mom had completely forgotten Uncle Yang. But she hasn't. Today, I accidentally bumped into
them on the street, coming out of a budget hotel.

Anyone with a brain knows what happened; I can't deceive myself. So all these years of her and Dad's loving relationship, their close
bond , was all a lie?

I thought that going home would end my troubles. But home is just as unsettling. Dad
became irritable again after losing the election for section chief. He doesn't hit anyone, but he shouts and smashes things. Is
this why Mom cheated on me again? Or has she been maintaining
that kind of relationship with Uncle Yang all these years?

Liu Feng comes to visit me. Whenever he comes, Mom and Dad seem to instantly become a harmonious family,
no more arguing, just warm greetings. I should be happy, since they both accept Liu Feng. But I feel
increasingly guilty towards him. He doesn't even know the truth, does he? I've stifled his right to know me,
created all sorts of illusions for him. Have I done right by him?

Besides, I almost never have the chance to have sex with him. Only one day, perhaps in a moment of passion, in the alley...
He tried to have sex with me in the wild, but because I felt someone was watching, I accidentally said, "Stop it,
someone's ..." Although I regretted it as soon as I said it, he had already pulled out and didn't try to insert it again. I'm
starting to hate him. Why does he always stop after a few tries? Why can't

he go all the way? Yesterday, we even had a fight for no reason. But he was still gentle and didn't get angry, and kept comforting
me, which made me calm down quickly. Should we have a fight? Maybe then I could tell
him a lot of the truth. But I'm really afraid of fighting, so afraid that Liu Feng will become like my father.

What should I do? What should I do?

August 14, 2010, Sunny.

I feel like I'm hopeless. I had sex with Zhang Hao again, and in a public
place . We made love in the park by the river.

Maybe it's because I haven't had sex properly for too many days, I've actually become craving it.
Kissing and touching each other when I meet Liu Feng every day only makes my desire harder to bear. Back home, all I
could do was masturbate, even inserting things into my vagina to satisfy myself. How could I have become like this? I've let love
become too impure. It seems like sex is making up an increasingly larger proportion of my life, while love is making up a smaller and smaller proportion.

My encounter with Zhang Hao was purely accidental. Although we didn't keep in touch, we couldn't help but greet each other when we met. After chatting
for a few minutes, we found ourselves talking more and more. He suggested we go for a walk in the park, and I never expected him
to dare to force himself on me in broad daylight. When we got to a secluded spot, he suddenly hugged me and said he still loved
me so much and couldn't control himself. He asked me what to do.

I struggled desperately, but I didn't dare to scream. I told him not to do anything rash, but unexpectedly, he immediately lifted
my skirt and pulled down my underwear. He didn't even do any foreplay, and I was already wet. When he reached down
, he touched my discharge, held it up to my face, and flaunted it like a trophy. I
felt like I couldn't hide it anymore. It seemed like every man could see what I wanted. The only one who couldn't see it
was the wooden-like Liu Feng.

We made love on the riverbank like that. It was truly one of the most shameful things I'd ever done in my life.
I clung to a small tree by the river, hoping it would shield me from view, but I could still
sense whispers from passersby on the path nearby, as if they'd noticed us. My face burned
with embarrassment, but the waves of stimulation from behind released my pent-up desire. I climaxed
twice , unable to hold onto the tree, constantly sliding down, but Zhang Hao kept patting my buttocks, making me stand higher
so he could penetrate me more easily. As he left, he squeezed my breasts and said, "You definitely love me more, don't
deny it."

I didn't want to say anything, slapped him, and left. But he seemed completely unconcerned,
covering his face and yelling, "See you tomorrow

!" When I got home, I desperately wanted to take a shower, but there was no water. So, I had no choice but
to write in my diary, my hands still wet with Zhang Hao's semen. What should I do? What if he comes looking for me again tomorrow?

I can't go on like this, I can't betray Liu Feng like this anymore. One day, he'll find out.
What will I do then?

January 2nd, 2011, Sunny.

Today, I still stayed in Gu Han's dorm, and I did something I never imagined.

I feel almost powerless to resist him. He said if I didn't agree to be with him, I would have to deceive other girls to be
his sex partners. I absolutely cannot do pimping. I can only make up various excuses to
avoid going to . But after a few days, it's as if he knows the pattern of my desires, finding various opportunities to tease
me, even pushing me into the men's restroom to molest me. If I hadn't resisted with all my might, he would have almost penetrated me in the school
toilet .

My life is so bleak right now. Gu Han deliberately comes to me when I'm studying for exams, making it impossible for me to study
properly . If I don't do well on the exams, he uses the promise of changing my grades to tempt me into doing more things that I initially couldn't accept. He
makes me cooperate with him in various positions, even though some positions are not comfortable at all.

Yesterday, he forced me to stay in the dorm, and he even brought a foreigner with him. This man, Albert,
was a French-Austrian. He forced me into a threesome with this foreigner.

It was my first time. It felt insane, like being a complete animal. This foreigner's
penis was unbelievably large; we needed lubricant to finally fit it inside me. But for the first time, I felt
completely captivated by lust. His thrusts weren't forceful, but each one felt like it was opening up my body,
like a smooth umbrella reflecting sunlight. Every time it opened, the sunlight
flooded my vision. As he thrust faster and faster, my breathing became rapid, and my legs
involuntarily wanted to climb onto his body.

When he thrust, I felt like a nail being hammered violently,
again and again, almost being smashed into the bed. With each blow, the pleasure doubled, my head buzzed, and
blood rushed upwards; it felt terrifying. The two of them took turns penetrating me, giving me almost no time to rest.
I seemed to have completely lost my sense of time, only knowing to keep turning over, spreading my legs, and climaxing. I slowly couldn't even
hear my own moans anymore; I could only feel a huge penis
thrusting in and .

But the immense pleasure was replaced by immense emptiness. Now I sit here, surrounded by condoms scattered everywhere.
Foreigners have good habits; they always use condoms, which is much better than Gu Han. But these condoms everywhere seem to be a constant reminder
of yesterday's madness. I feel like I can't go back. I can't go back to the Jingyuan I used to be.

Now, every time I call Liu Feng, I feel awkward. I still look forward to hearing his voice, but
if I'm with Gu Han, I have to run outside to answer the phone. Even when I answer the phone in front of my roommates, I
feel their strange looks. I know what they say about me. In their eyes, I'm probably
no .

Yesterday, during sex, I hung up on Liu Feng for the first time. He didn't say anything; maybe making phone calls
was just "business" for him anyway.

On February 1, 2011,

my father hit my mother again, and this time it was quite severe. They didn't tell me at first, and I only found out
about two weeks that my mother had been hospitalized.

I felt so guilty. But I couldn't understand them either. If they were so incompatible,
why pretend to love each other? They always said it was for my own good, but was I really that important?
If I matured, could they each freely pursue their own happiness?

Knowing this news made me very irritable, and I even argued with Liu Feng on the phone again. Even though arguing
would only make me feel worse, I couldn't help but argue. What I couldn't stand the most was that he was always
like , never getting angry, leaving me no outlet for my anger. This time, he kept rambling on and on about grand principles, and finally
, I got angry and hung up. That

night, I asked Albert to take me to a bar near the school. Actually, I didn't dislike Albert; he
was a pretty cheerful person. He didn't even know that I was forced to sleep with him; he thought I was just more
open-minded . At that bar, I met his compatriot, but he was an Austrian who spoke German, named Eymans.
He was very handsome, with a light beard, very charming. For the first time, I had the idea of dating someone other than Liu Feng.

We slept together. However, he was clearly not satisfied with ordinary intercourse. Besides oral sex,
he wanted anal sex, which I refused. The whole process was still enjoyable, though.

For the first time, I had this thought: maybe leaving Liu Feng would make me happier, without constantly living in fear, without
always feeling like I'd betrayed him or let him down. After all, in this world, it seems like he's the only person I
truly feel sorry for. I don't owe the world anything, nor do I demand anything from it. Only
Liu Feng, I feel, is a gift from heaven.

February 12, 2011, Sunny.

Yesterday, Gu Han challenged my bottom line again. He actually molested me right under Liu Feng's nose. He knew
I was going to see Liu Feng, but he still made me go to his dorm to get some documents. Just as I told Liu Feng to wait outside, he
suddenly pulled down my underwear and immediately penetrated me. I was terrified for the first time. Liu Feng was only a dozen meters away . If he had just gotten a little closer, he would have seen me being penetrated
from behind by another man on the windowsill . If he had seen it, what would he think of me? After leaving his room, my mind was completely blank. Not because of the orgasm, but because of the overwhelming tension and fear. Liu Feng asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't say anything. His semen , like a secret I was terrified Liu Feng would find out. Back at the hotel, Liu Feng was eager to have sex with me, but I pretended to have my period and refused him. I refused him against my will. I couldn't sleep all night. My mind was in turmoil, so chaotic. I knew that if things continued like this, my life would be ruined. I couldn't go on like this anymore. It was either love or sex. I knew I could only choose one. But if I chose sex, or rather, if I chose Gu Han, would I have any way back ? He would continue to treat me like a sex slave, constantly raising his demands. One day, I would become someone I never imagined. My grades were already a complete mess. Even with Gu Han helping me change them, I was barely passing, and my GPA was terribly low. My father kept asking me about my next plans, and I could only give vague answers. In my parents' eyes, I'm still that excellent girl whose grades are never above the top three. Who knew I 'd become like this? I'm completely held hostage by Gu Han now. Without him, I'm not even sure I can graduate. Let alone take the postgraduate entrance exam or go to university. My mind still holds that child, the one my parents expect and praise. Now that my family is broken , I don't know how heartbroken my parents would be if they knew I'd become like this. In this situation, I have no desire to have sex with Liu Feng. Although I still feel safe around him, I'm almost afraid to associate him with sex. It's not that I haven't thought about leaving him; there was only one time when I slightly liked someone else. But that seemed to be just a fleeting moment . My love for Liu Feng is a nail driven into my bones; how can I just pull it out? On February 29, 2011, in the light rain, I told Albert about my relationship with Gu Han. Gu Han, for some reason, insisted on having anal sex with me. I finally couldn't take it anymore and we argued. Albert happened to come by and saw us fighting. He quickly stopped us and took me outside. The moment I stepped outside, I completely broke down. I sobbed uncontrollably, feeling like I hadn't cried so . Albert, unaware of what was going on, could only stay with me, offering words of comfort from time to time. Finally, I went back to the foreign teachers' apartment with him and spent the night there. After we made love, he asked me why I had argued with Gu Han. I finally couldn't hold back anymore and chose to believe him, telling him everything. He was so angry he almost jumped up, shouting that it was a crime. For the first time in a long time, I had found someone I could rely on in this matter. Seeing his angry face was like being a thirsty suddenly seeing an oasis. After I described Gu Han's various actions, he immediately suggested that I report him to the police. But I said that I could only report him, but it wouldn't do me any good. He considered it for a long time and then suggested that I participate in the exchange program to Austria this year. He said I could study in a language program there and then graduate, or find another opportunity to participate in a study abroad program. He would help me find a way. Actually, none of his plans were very reasonable. I couldn't get around graduation no matter what, but graduation inevitably involved Gu Han. He said I could go abroad first. After going abroad, he would find a way to report Gu Han and make him get the punishment he deserved, so it wouldn't affect me. Then he actually confessed his feelings to me. He said we could continue making love after going abroad and become boyfriend and girlfriend. I shook my head and told him I had a boyfriend. He said I would regret that, but if we broke up, he could consider me. After returning to my dorm, I couldn't calm down for a long time. Going abroad was really tempting for me. I could get rid of Gu Han, graduate as an exchange student, and even pursue further studies abroad, and I didn't necessarily have to break up with Liu Feng. We'd always been in a long-distance relationship; if I solved my own problems, maybe we could go back to how things were. As long as the true feelings were still there, distance wasn't a problem, right? I wanted to ask Liu Feng, but I kept saying...

I couldn't leave. I couldn't lie and say I would come back to be with him. I was thinking, maybe once I left,
I would never come back. Everything would start anew; Shang Jingyuan would be a completely new person, with no connection to the past.

April 12, 2011, rain.

I had already obtained my visa and bought my plane ticket. Next month, I would leave China. However, I
hadn't told Liu Feng yet. I knew I could lie and tell him I was just going on exchange for a year and would be back soon.

But I felt I had already deceived him enough. To lie and wait for him for a year, only to be met with
a too cruel. I put my passport and plane ticket in a suitcase, trying not to think about
it. Because whenever I thought of Liu Feng, my thoughts would become a jumbled mess.

During this time, I felt like I had fallen into a final frenzy. I repeatedly had sex with Gu Han and Albert.
Having sex with Gu Han felt like a form of self-exile; I wanted him not to interfere with my departure, yet I felt
completely pressureless in this utter indulgence. Albert, on the other hand, pursues visceral sensations, enjoying his penis, which makes
me feel full, as if I'm no longer empty. I try to keep myself busy. Work, language studies,
sex I do almost nothing else. When I call Liu Feng, I try to say only a few words,
then use "too busy" as an excuse.

But he's completely oblivious, only remembering that I promised to go to Beijing, spending all his time raising money, finding a place to live, and
arranging his itinerary. He's living in the past; the things he does
are .

But isn't that good? Everything is the same as before. Yes, only I've changed; Liu Feng hasn't
. He's still that big boy, enjoying the life we should have at our age.

This time in Beijing, I must talk to him clearly. No matter what, I must make it clear to him; I can't
lie to him about leaving. I might break down. Even just imagining talking to him about these things makes me want to
cry. I don't know what it will be like if I actually say it.

What about him? Will he hit me, or yell at me? Or will he just turn away without saying a word? He
simply can't understand my filthy life. He must think that the pure and lovely
Xiaoyuan he's known for all these years was a complete illusion, a trampling of his life.

I regret it so much. If I had known the end of a relationship would be so painful, why did I even begin? I looked through countless diary entries
I'd about him, each one so full of devotion. Yes, I used to be a lovestruck
little girl, wanting a prince to ride a white horse and marry me. But now? I have no right to that anymore.

May 15, 2011, Rain

. It's been so long since I wrote in my diary.

I never imagined that in just one month, my life would change so drastically. I feel like I'm completely finished.
Not only did I not confess everything to Liu Feng, but I also lied to him even more deeply. Now, I've not only become a sex maniac,
but I feel like I can't live without sex for even a second.

There might be drugs involved, but I know for myself that the pleasure of being immersed in continuous orgasms
is just too intense. It's a feeling that can make you forget all your troubles and fully enjoy God's gift. I've always
been afraid of anal penetration, but when I actually had two penises inserted into me, one in front and one behind, the feeling
was indescribable. It was
as .

As long as we were having sex, it felt like there was no pain. I also gave up on telling Liu Feng about those things. I
tried so many times, but I just couldn't do it. Maybe a cowardly woman like me is only fit to
be humiliated like a bitch by countless men. After all, they're happy, and I'm happy too. They get the pleasure of organ friction, and I
forget my sorrows. Why not?

I still have to see Liu Feng soon, but I know in my heart that I want to go to that room and have Brother Yu and
Jin Gang strip me naked, attacking my vagina and anus separately. Let me reach countless orgasms,
preferably staying at the peak of orgasm without falling down. I hate falling down from orgasm; I like the feeling of constantly rising
. Only then can I truly feel the freedom of being a woman. Women are born unfree,
but in the ocean of sex, they have infinite freedom. It has no upper limit, no boundary, no end.
If it does, it might only have one name: death.

My departure is only a few days away. Before that, I really just want to let go of everything and finally be free
. As long as I'm awake on the morning the plane leaves, I can pack my bags and step into a new
life. If I'm not awake, or if I'm having sex again, it doesn't matter; I'll just fall completely.
Anyway, no one will cherish that little girl named Shang Jingyuan; everyone prefers the little Yuan who keeps calling for a penis.

Perhaps that's the ending that truly suits me. I don't want to keep this diary anymore. After writing this line,
I'll lock it in the box. Is there any need to record my life? Continuing to record it would just
make it a pornographic novel. Readers would only want to ejaculate on it, without a shred of
pity.

(To be continued)

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