【Eight Milligrams of Fireman】(Stories about Fireman) (09-14) Author: Fireman

Author: Fireman
Word Count: 3376

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9

I quietly finished reading all of this, very calmly, really. Thinking of her, my heart seems to have lost its reaction.
I can recall happiness and sadness, but those are all part of me, already integrated into my being.

I remember watching the sunrise with her, and I remember her lying in my arms crying and saying she didn't love me anymore.
I remember her shy expression when I pinched her nose, and I won't forget her resolute departure. But so what?
As she said, who knows what the future holds? Thanks, xxx.

Later, I learned bits and pieces of news about her. About a year after we broke up, she got married,
haha.

"Is marriage a good idea?

If she tells me yes, I'll have confidence too."

I went to the balcony and smoked a cigarette. Jia'er came to mind, and I felt a pang of sadness. I thought, it's my luck to have such
a girl by my side. From every perspective, Jia'er is someone I can grow old
with. As for those other people, those women, they're ultimately just fleeting memories.

"Go live your own life, be yourself, it's time for a new life."

The

next morning, Brother Ding excitedly knocked on my door.

"Have you seen 'She's More Lonely Than Fireworks'?"

"Are you talking about the cellist's story?"

"Huo Ren, you've actually seen it? I watched it at home yesterday, and I've been listening to her music nonstop ever since.
It's absolutely amazing! How can someone express such rich emotions through music? She was only 15
years old then!"

"Yeah, I'm so envious. I saw the movie a long time ago, and there's also a book with the same name. The book tells the story in more
detail . It's a tragedy, I guess. I think you must have found it quite depressing."

"So what if it's depressing? I'm completely captivated by her music. Elgar's piece
feels like it was written for her.

Huo Ren, teach me to play the guitar! If I can't learn the cello, I'll at least learn the guitar."

"Brother Ding, teaching you is no problem. Here's the deal: you don't have to do anything today, just hold the guitar. If you arrive and
still insist on learning tomorrow, I'll start teaching you."

After I finished speaking, Brother Ding got into position. He was holding his guitar, silently watching me. His gaze was like that of a
gay man . Even though I have no prejudice or discrimination against homosexuals, it just felt strange being stared at like that. He
noticed my embarrassment, smiled at me, and continued looking at me.

The next day, when we had lunch together, Ding told me he absolutely had to learn guitar. He specially
ordered me a grilled cold noodle dish as tuition. So, I had one more thing to do every day: take Ding to "
play guitar ."

One

day, Ding asked me,

"Fireman, I always feel that someone like you will always be free-spirited and live like a madman."

I smiled at him but didn't answer.

After that, I continued living the same life.

Over the years, I've constantly battled with the world, winning and losing. Occasionally, I ask myself if it was worth it,
if I still have the same brilliance and enthusiasm.

That

night, I got off work at 11 pm. I looked over at Ding's place; the light was still on. I went in to check on him.

"Let's go for a drive tonight. You have a car, after all, give me a ride."

"Dude, it's so late, there's nobody around. What's the point?" "

That's exactly what it's like—late at night, nobody around. We can find a roadside stall, have a beer, and some peanuts.
That's life."

So, we went downstairs. I bought four cans of beer and a few bags of peanuts, and we hit the road.

Half an hour later, Ding and I arrived at Tiananmen Square. A little nervously, we went through security with our beer, and sat
under the picture of "Dr. Runzhi," smoking and drinking.

Ding blurted out out of the blue, "Have you ever seen the sun at 2:30 in the morning?"

I thought for a moment and replied, "If the sun really shines at 2:30, I think it'll be the face of her sleeping next to me after I've been
woken up ."

"Haha, Fireman, do you always use this trick to fool young girls?"

"Don't be like that, Brother Ding. When it comes to fooling, you Northerners are definitely the masters. I wouldn't dare claim that title."

"By the way, Fireman, how's that girl you hooked up with going? Her name is Jia'er, right?"

When Brother Ding mentioned Jia'er, my heart skipped a beat. I missed her, but I was also a little timid.
It was a strange feeling.

I stared blankly into the distance, suddenly realizing how cruel reality is. We grow constantly in life,
constantly compromise, constantly disappointing our past selves. But no matter what, I still retain some of my original
intentions. I guess it's because I've been careless since childhood. Brother

Ding and I downed our last drink. Although we're considered losers in this city and this world, we
have a bit of a heroic spirit. This combination is really funny. Like two playboys—but two
playboys without money.

It doesn't matter if we're wandering the world or have grand ambitions. There's no need for so many pursuits; we just need to be ourselves
.

Winter

in Beijing is truly awful. My little room is dry and cold. I continue playing the piano and writing songs,
but I often lack the energy to read.

Jia'er called me, and we met again. I've always been hesitant to break the ice with her, which
ironically makes each meeting a surprise.

There's a bookstore near Majiabao, full of used books, 12.8 yuan a pound. I go
there when I have free time. There's a kerosene lamp in the bookstore, and the owner likes to use its dim light to read Playboy
magazines, calling it "appreciation." Over time, we became familiar.

The owner is a fat man who likes to drink. Sometimes when he's craving a drink, he'll drag me along to drink with him.
We'll sit on piles of books and drink. He has a high tolerance, and once he starts, he drinks without restraint. I thought about it and figured that drinking in the dead of
winter would just warm my stomach, so I started drinking recklessly.

One day, he finished a whole batch of Niulanshan liquor, grabbed me, and I looked at him. My eyes seemed to be red, but I didn't
cry. Then he started telling me his story, albeit haltingly.

He had a marriage arranged in his hometown with a girl from the next village. They knew each other for four months,
never held hands, never slept together, yet inexplicably got engaged. Six months later, they married.

He was 24 that year, just past the legal age. He thought life would continue peacefully, like
everyone else: marriage, children, old age, and death.

But two years later, his girlfriend ran away, taking their only child with her, and
disappeared without a trace .

He and his parents searched tirelessly for two years, even buying a house, but still no luck. His hometown was
a small place, and people started gossiping about it. People began pointing and whispering when he walked down the street. Some
said he often beat his wife, and she left because she couldn't take it anymore. Others said she found a rich man and
ran off with him.

In short, there were many rumors.

So, three years after his wife left, he couldn't stay any longer and came to Beijing, settling in Majiabao,
where he remained for over ten years. Not long after saying this, he passed out drunk on a pile of books. I dragged him to his bed in the inner room of
the bookstore . Thinking that this guy was alone there, I didn't dare leave, so
I smoked and read outside the room.

I read until midnight, suddenly remembering Salinger's *The Catcher in the Rye*. I went to check on him in the inner room;
he was still fast asleep.

He didn't wake up until the morning, when I said goodbye and returned to my own little shack.

A few days later, I received a text message from Jia'er, inviting me to her house, saying she had recently completed several new works.

"I just got back from the Guoliang Tunnel in the Taihang Mountains these past few days. It was truly a wonderful experience. What moved me most
was the sunset I saw outside the tunnel. Huo Ren, I don't like sunrises. I think they're too dazzling.
None of can have that moment of brilliance; we're all too ordinary, don't you think? I stayed there alone for two
days, setting up a tent nearby at night. It was incredibly peaceful, a perfect place to lie down and listen to the wind and rain. I think
we're all the same; we mustn't let life trap us. Some things are beautiful, more beautiful than life itself."

I replied to her text, my heart pounding. On one hand, I was thinking about what true life is;
on the other hand I thought this could be considered falling in love.

14

When a woman undresses you, the sense of accomplishment you feel, and when you feel the two of you
intertwined , that indescribable feeling… it's as if she knows what you're thinking,
and you know what she's thinking.

That's how I felt when Jia'er and I lay in bed on a late autumn night.

The next morning, a thin mist hung in the air, and the sky, carrying a hint of chill, gradually brightened. I looked at Jia'er; she
seemed still lost in a rosy dream, nestled in my arms like a docile kitten,
a faint weariness on her face, pressed tightly against me. I chuckled to myself, gently stroking her hair before
kissing her forehead. In this half-awake, half-asleep moment, time seemed to stand still in my mind; it felt as if everything from the previous night
had happened just seconds before, so naturally.

"Hey, Jia'er, you're awake?"

"Yeah, why are you looking at me like that? Do I have flowers on my face?"

"No, I'm just admiring you, or maybe I'm thinking about myself. I feel like I've suddenly returned to square one.
I thought I was almost hopeless about love, but then I met you, and the overflowing emotions completely exceeded my expectations
. So many things have suddenly awakened.

When I woke up this morning and saw your peaceful face in your sleep, I was suddenly so happy. I just looked at you for a long time and kissed
your forehead. You're so charming."

"Fireman, you know what? The last thing a woman should believe is what a man says in bed."

"But I don't just say it, I also put real feelings into my actions! I won't be like some other people,
holding you in bed and saying 'I love you,' I won't,"

Jia'er laughed coquettishly, and burrowed into the covers. Seeing her like that, I laughed too, and then
searched for her body under the covers. So the sheets were swaying, sometimes gently, sometimes rapidly. Intermittent sounds,
like groans and murmurs, seemed to be mixed with indescribable sounds of water and friction, all taking place in this
quiet room.

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【Eight Milligrams of Fireman】(Stories about Fireman) (09-14) Author: Fireman

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