【Eight Milligrams of Fireman】(Stories about Fireman) (05-08) Author: Fireman

Author: Fireman
Word Count: 4697

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5

Back home, my neighbor happened to be there, and we started chatting. I call him Brother Ding. He's an
atypical Northeastern man. According to him, he was handsome from a young age, so he often hung out with girls, and
unknowingly developed a sensitivity that most Northeastern men don't have.

He always had a regular schedule, working nine to five, and at eleven o'clock every night, he would
be meeting . Since his live-in girlfriend left, he's been desperate to find a woman. The reason is simple:
without a woman, his house is a mess. In his words, "A man's hands are meant to embrace women
, not clean houses."

Ding also has his own theory: "When I had my first girlfriend, I wasn't aware of this.
After the breakup, I prayed to God that my second girlfriend would have bigger breasts. She did have
bigger breasts, but thick legs. Then after that, I continued to pray, hoping for thinner legs. This time, her legs were thinner, and her breasts
were bigger too. The key thing is, she's only 150cm tall! Standing next to me, with that height, even kissing
requires us to adjust our angles and heights."

Ding isn't short of women; he probably just hasn't met the kind of woman he wants. He's also
very conservative about sex, never engaging in loveless sex, and even with
love he needs a bit of fantasy to finish the orgasm.

For a while, he often dragged me to play basketball, and that's where we met Xiao Ye. Xiao Ye
was about my height, around the same build as me, but his basketball skills were superb. His drives and jump shots were almost unstoppable. Most importantly,
he could dunk! Before that, I'd never seen someone around 170cm tall dunk.
Ding and I were captivated and became friends.

Every night, Xiao Ye would become a pleasure-seeker. He came from a big city; his parents were
business people. He also had a friend named Xiao Wei, who wore thick glasses and was a gaming
enthusiast . When everyone was free, Xiao Ye would lead the group to bars in Sanlitun.

Ding rarely went to bars, harboring a certain aversion to everything there, so he'd only
show up once out of three invitations. As for me, I occasionally sang in bars, and since I had nothing else to do, I'd join in. Sometimes
I'd watch how Xiao Ye flirted with girls, or he'd just sit there smoking alone.

Bars are places where lonely girls are everywhere. Xiao Ye was willing to spend money, dressed elegantly, and
had a certain refined manner typical of big cities, so girls often wanted to sleep with him. Xiao Ye later told me
that some girls didn't even remember his name when they woke up the next day, and the two of them went their separate ways. They walked separately on
the bustling streets, the most hypocritical city, where desires grew amidst the noise.

Xiao Wei had never slept with a girl before. He told us that the only time was when he was six years old,
sleeping with his cousin who was a few months older than him, one at each end. He hadn't done it since. He didn't know
how to date. After meeting Xiao Ye, he hoped she could teach him some ways to seduce women, but even in
bars , he just drank alone. When a woman finally spoke to him, he acted like a child,
his face turning as red as a monkey's bottom. Most women just laughed at him and left.

And me? At that moment, I watched all this like an observer. Beijing attracted me, but I
couldn't find my way. At times like this, I thought of Jia'er, the girl I drank with in the tunnel. I wanted
to call her, but it felt a bit abrupt, so I decided against it.

Once, while drinking alone in a bar, Xiao Wei chatted with me. He told me he masturbated every night,
suspecting he was addicted and couldn't control himself. He said he was attracted to the naked women on his computer screen;
just a glance at the screen would trigger his hormones, and he'd unconsciously reach for a napkin in his pocket.
Because of this, the downstairs neighbors often saw napkins floating down from above in their backyard. That day, I got him drunk, took him
home, hoping he could soon escape this virtual and hopeless life.

After a few times like this, I got bored, said goodbye to Xiao Ye, and stopped going to bars with them.

Three

days later, in the afternoon, I called Jia'er. She answered and said, "It's you. I didn't expect
you to be so reserved. After a girl expressed such feelings to you, you didn't even call me right away
."

"..." I remained silent on the other end of the line, that thing weighing on my heart like a boulder.

"Okay, I won't tease you anymore. I'm taking pictures by the river at Houhai, come over."

So I went there and saw Jia'er with her camera, taking pictures of the children playing nearby. At that
moment, I realized that I loved that kind of girl, and I also loved the blood-red sunset and the children's innocent laughter.

"What are you looking at? Fireman, come here, look at my photos."

That day, she invited me to her room to see her photography. She said that she had heard my songs and entered
my world, but I knew nothing about what she did, which was unfair.

She lived in an apartment near the Peony Garden, a shared apartment. Her roommate was her former college classmate. They
had set up a screen on the balcony and hung photos and paintings on it.

Jia'er's room was incredibly tidy, and there was a light floral fragrance as soon as you entered. She showed me her
work . Some were portraits, some were plants, and some were boudoirs, some were of graceful women
's bodies, but Jia'er knew how to depict them, making them look like extremely beautiful realism.

"What, are you mesmerized by these photos?"

"No, I was just wondering what you were thinking when you took them."

She told me she was just an observer, watching everything from afar, like an outsider. She
observed life, nature, society, people—everything was captured in her camera; it was
a kind of enduring quality.

"Fireman, you know what? When you're staring at something in a photograph, you sometimes feel a sense of identification,
or rather, a sense of connection. When you're taking the picture, everything has its unique aspect, and I discovered
it, and I preserved it. That feeling is wonderful."

"So, that's the commonality of art, isn't it? Music is the same; melody and lyrics are all about everything."
"The capture of things, but sometimes there's nothing we can do about it."

"What isn't helpless? Life itself is like that, helpless, yet unbearable."

Jia'er

was absolutely right. Life itself is helpless, full of a sense of helplessness. We're
like flowing water, never stopping, just passing through. None of us seem to have any power.

"But luckily, I have my music, and you have your videos. Compared to most people, we're quite
fortunate ."

"Yes, life has given us enough."

We stood in the room, unaware of how late it was. I tidied myself up and prepared to leave. Jia'er
saw me to the door; it was already pitch black outside. The moon hung high in the trees, casting a faint light. Jia'er and I looked at each other.

I subconsciously raised my hand and gently stroked Jia'er's nose, then looked at her and smiled shyly.

"Jia'er, thank you."

"Likewise. In this situation, aren't you going to kiss me?"

"Haha, no, I'll give you a light kiss, because our encounter was light, but our understanding is deep."

So, I stepped forward, hugged her, brushed her hair aside, and gave her a light kiss on the forehead.
Then , I moved to her lips. The moment our lips touched, she leaned even closer to me. I think at that
moment, we were one world.

After parting with Jia'er, I walked alone on the road. The moonlight seemed to float, carrying a gentle breeze.

Actually, the moment I flicked Jia'er's nose, I was lost in thought. I didn't even expect to do
such a thing. That action was related to some not-so-pleasant memories, or rather,
the story of a woman I deeply loved.

But I couldn't tell Jia'er. I could only hurriedly hide my absent-mindedness in front of her, pretending nothing had
happened. But, did nothing really happen?

8.

After returning home, my mind wasn't on Jia'er, but rather on why I had made
that nose-flicking gesture. I started rummaging through my drawers and found a light green
notebook among my pile of diaries.

"That's it, her notebook."

For so many years after we separated, I hadn't opened it again, only occasionally thinking of
her late at night, of that not-so-bustling town, of the tofu buns, and of her grandmother's bedroom.

One year, I thought of driving there alone, for no reason other than to catch a glimpse of her from downstairs and
then leave. I liked that feeling. Perhaps nothing is perfect, especially relationships. Our
little boat of love will inevitably capsize due to various factors. There's no need to force it; sometimes, accepting it calmly is a form of
resistance.

So, with a trembling feeling, I opened it again.

December 3rd, XXX.

Today is the 12th day since I met you. I'm taking a nap right now, while you're probably teaching someone to play ball. I caught a cold
yesterday because I wanted to enjoy some alone time, listening to you sing the song you wrote for me. I sat under a ginkgo tree,
lost in thought under the starlight. Your familiar voice came through the phone, and you sang: "...

Fireman, I think my heart has gone with you. But, I'm a fickle, fickle person, and I don't know
if you can let me stay by your side forever. I just love the time I spend with you. You're brave, doing
things I've always longed for but haven't been able to achieve. You're a free man, and I love watching you smoke. I consider
you a confidant, a support, and thinking of you makes my future no longer lonely.

I used to think that life is inherently lonely, but now at least I have you by my side.

December 4th, xxx .

Yesterday went by so fast. I only remember being happy and blissful with you.

I don't know how I fell in love with you, or what I love about you. Maybe it's the faint smell of tobacco mixed with a subtle fragrance on you
, maybe it's the way you gently rub my nose, maybe it's because you're the
one who can give me the life I want."

It's because of your appearance that I vaguely felt the light of true love. Saying these words might sound a bit sentimental,
but every word comes from the heart, and this feeling is wonderful.

I dare not say we'll be together forever, but I only want to cherish you right now. I'm not perfect, yet you
love me like a treasure. Perfection doesn't exist in this world, and I'm willing to face every day of the future with you,
even if it's tough.

December 5th, xxx,

I really miss you! Today is Friday, and we made plans to go to the movies tomorrow. I'm so
looking forward to it . Will everything be as I imagine? Will you kiss me?

Today I spent most of my time knitting a scarf. This navy green color is so beautiful; I imagine what
it will look like when it's finished and worn around your neck.

Fireman, you said you wish you could sell everything right now and go wandering with me. That's crazy, that's
exciting , but it's not the right time yet. I think when that time comes, we'll naturally set off. But right now
, I, like you, can't suppress the fervor in my heart; I want to go out and see the world.

We live only to die, so let's be crazy while we're young!

University life was actually quite comfortable, but it often made me feel bored
and weary. Looking at the people around me, all they thought about was eating, drinking, and having fun, I felt like a thorn in their side. Maybe in
their eyes, I was a weirdo. So, no matter how much I worried, it was useless. I had to go on
a journey. Otherwise, I would lose my freedom, regret it for the rest of my life, and die regretting not having lived for myself.
Anyway , as long as you have a clear mind and a pure soul, you can hear your inner voice and live
the life you want.

December 9th, 20xxx

, I will never forget that night you held me as I fell asleep. I remember you
singing , I remember you waking up in the middle of the night, covered in sweat, saying you were afraid I would leave. I remember you saying my body
felt warm, and I will never forget you whispering "I love you" in my ear.

Right now, I miss the cute hedgehog on your chest, and I miss your gentle sighs. We were both
afraid that if we fell asleep like this, we would have to part ways again. You said you had never loved anyone like this before, and I want to say that I haven't either.

The next day, we hummed a song as we searched for the most beautiful fallen leaf under the ginkgo tree. Then we lay down to sleep under the tree you
often went , and you watched me leave…

Fireman, you're so kind.

December 11, 20xxx.

Today I really want to go to Saint-Paul-de-Vans. Every house, every tree, every
well is an art town; living there is art.

Yesterday you braved the cold wind to see me, and I was so touched. Being with you is such a happy thing. Just like
this , arm in arm, until the day we grow old, we can still lean on each other and laugh on a winter morning—how
wonderful.

I haven't watched the sunrise with you, felt the sea breeze together, or sang together yet!

December 14, 20xxx.

Sometimes I wonder, should I continue to live with you like this, forever together, or should I leave you someday and
continue my lonely life, sighing all my life on the road?

You know life has so many uncertainties, and you know how faint and insignificant hope can sometimes be… I'm always
grateful for the song you wrote for me; it was my first time. Fireman, you said you gave me so many firsts.
Sometimes I wonder, why was it you who fell in love with me? And why did I find you in the crowd? Am I really
worthy of your love? Will two people be happy together forever?

But why think so much? With you by my side, I'm so happy. We make love until dawn. From
now on, your sadness, your sorrow, your silliness, your tenderness—all will only be told to me. Fireman, Fireman, Fireman, Fireman,
Fireman. [Date]

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【Eight Milligrams of Fireman】(Stories about Fireman) (05-08) Author: Fireman

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