【Those Years, Those Things—Daughter's Perspective】【Author: udsodoo】

[Excerpt]

I cupped my left breast in both hands, and began to suckle the tender tip. "You're just like a child." This was the second sentence after "So comfortable." It was the sound of a fairy. I stroked my left breast with my right hand, continuing to suckle. My left hand grasped my right breast, which was full, barely covering most of it. I could feel a slightly hard core, about the size of an apple, beneath the soft ripples. I reached for her trousers, but she blocked my hand. Just then, ding-ding-ding... the opening whistle sounded this time. Perhaps because of last night's experience, she had her phone on the bedside table. I heard three words, and I quickly stripped myself naked. She had taken off her trousers and underwear herself. She pulled back the covers and crawled inside. And I, too, pulled back the covers and crawled inside. I spread her legs and let my little brother slip inside. The process was incredibly fast.

Toothpicks

—picking up the remnants of memory from between teeth,

tearing exaggerated expressions onto the face.

Sometimes smiling, sometimes ferocious.

But it's not necessarily the lingering aftertaste of that dish.

------ Prologue

(I) First Encounter

October, a cool autumn day in Chengdu. My youngest brother was giving me a farewell party. Although it was only a three-day, two-night trip, a farewell was still necessary.

My second brother had gone to Mount Emei for a meeting first, and he was convinced I wouldn't have fun in Chengdu, so he insisted on leaving two tickets for the mountain, telling me to come find him there.

This was the second time the three of us had spent so much time in Chengdu this year.

While we were eating and drinking, Xiao Zhang brought in a girl. At the time, she didn't immediately catch my eye.

In these two trips to Chengdu, amidst the nightly revelry, she was probably the kind of person you'd see and forget.

Her eyes were big, but lacked spirit. A pale face without makeup, a little over 1.6 meters tall. A black turtleneck, a blue denim jacket, and dark jeans.

Like a dish, well, plain cabbage. She was simple and unassuming, not at all unpleasant to look at.

The meal was filled with polite conversation.

Xiao Zhang also took the opportunity to explain her situation to me; because of the food and beverage fair, it suddenly became difficult to find escorts, which is why she was delayed until after the meal had started.

She was a second-year music student. I got her phone number from her classmate. During the conversation, I learned that she had never worked as an escort before. She emphasized that she only accompanied people for fun, not for "that kind of thing."

After the meal, Lao Yao specifically pulled me aside and said, "You should still take her along; it's so late, it's not good to find someone else."

So, with the tickets Lao Er gave me, and the escort Lao Yao had hired, I got into Xiao Zhang's car and headed to Mount Emei.

What impressed me most was that as soon as we got in the car, she eagerly pulled a book out of her backpack and started reading.

The book was titled *Hillary Clinton: A Biography*. Haha. (A similar display occurred later in Lijiang. After I had drunk too much, I returned to my room and saw her writing a novel that had already filled three pages. Now, thinking about it carefully, it was probably a kind of self-expression.) Famous mountains are suitable for holding meetings. The hotel where the second brother was staying was full. Xiao Zhang booked two rooms at another hotel not far away. When we arrived, it was already dark.

When checking into the room, I witnessed her stubbornness for the first time - her obsessive tantrum.

She grabbed the key to one room and claimed that she wanted to stay in one room by herself.

"Hehehe." Xiao Zhang and I laughed, "There's such a thing, hehe."

I laughed and said to Xiao Zhang, "Tell her, she does have a choice. Either she stays in one room with you, Xiao Zhang, or she stays in one room with me, the third brother."

Xiao Zhang also laughed and said that he would handle the matter. The two of them stayed behind to negotiate, and I went to my room by myself.

She eventually came into my room.

(II) Amazing

The hotel had a lobby like a movie theater. When people got up, the chair seats were straight, and they only flattened down when they sat down. Rows of seats faced the stage.

It was probably for large meetings. In the evenings, it was for guests to sing karaoke.

My second brother was waiting there. I hurried over.

The three of us brothers were like that—we never needed to think about each other, yet we would never forget each other. We could be apart for years, or we could be inseparable all day. When we were together, we could chatter endlessly, or remain completely silent.

My second brother said, "You little rascal, what kind of bad habits do you have? Drinking foreign liquor? I brought two bottles."

"Let's drink and sing, how short is life!"

That night, without the song, I wouldn't have such a lasting and unforgettable memory.

She came.

She came to sing in the hall.

The moment she opened her mouth, I was stunned. I turned to look at my second brother, and he looked surprised too.

She was in the row in front of us, and I leaned forward to look at her.

Her rendition of "The Qinghai-Tibet Plateau" was truly breathtaking.

That was the first time I had heard that song.

I had been to Tibet. The picturesque green grass, the layered mountains, the clear and deep blue sky—I had images of it all in my mind.

Then, the video was accompanied by her singing. It was like a CD etched into my heart, one I would replay often afterward.

Her vocal range was wide, especially her high notes, which were incredibly light and agile. She was practically flawless in terms of natural talent.

I always thought that no matter which season of Super Girl or Happy Girl she participated in, she would undoubtedly be in the top three.

(She did participate once later, but given her situation then, well, I'll talk about that later.) That day she sang many songs, "My Heart Soars," "Holding Hands," "Green Light"... all big songs. This is what she later taught me; songs that require real skill are called "big songs."

A large crowd gradually gathered. Everyone was stunned; no one touched the microphone that was supposed to be used by the public. My second

brother said a lot to me, but I don't remember what he said. I do remember that when there was still more than half a bottle of whiskey left, he insisted we go back to "rest."

He wanted me to accomplish something good.

Later, I heard from Xiao Zhang that after we left, my second brother drank the rest of the whiskey by himself and got drunk.

(III) Avoiding physical contact: I

'd heard she didn't do "that" kind of thing, and witnessed her stubborn desire for a room to herself.

I hadn't originally minded having a girl sleep next to me. I just didn't want to be a pushover and let her have the room to herself.

After the concert, however, I had a strong urge to get closer to her.

In this world, everyone is selling something.

Let's not talk about anything noble or vulgar.

If you don't buy, it's either too expensive or you don't need it.

And those who don't sell, either they're not presentable or they don't need the money.

I was already won over by a friend back in Indonesia.

That transaction extended my marriage by ten years.

(Hehe. I'll talk about that another time if there's an opportunity.)

In the standard room, with such a promising future star, I was so tempted.

After washing up, I saw her lying on the bed at the back, so I went over to flirt with her.

She clutched the blanket tightly. After finally lifting the covers, they found that she hadn't taken off anything except her leather shoes; she was just lying there covered in the blankets.

Her pants were probably knotted tight.

All my persuasion was to no avail. I remember she even said something about men and women not touching each other. Ugh.

I had no choice but to go to my own bed, feeling dejected.

I thought to myself, these days, it's rare to find someone with principles. I've always respected others' principles.

I'm an early riser, so I wandered around. I even saw the first generation of central leaders' official car, a Hongqi.

My neighbor, Xiao Zhang, was also outside his door. We chatted for a few moments, laughing about the anti-Japanese experiences of the previous night.

I tried to go in, but found my door locked from the inside.

We knocked for a while. Through the two or three-inch gap in the locked door, I saw a pale face, disheveled hair, and slightly crossed eyes.

Wow, if I had seen her like this yesterday, I definitely wouldn't have wanted to sleep with her.

Later I learned that this young woman, thinking she still had another night to spend, deliberately made herself look disgusting.

Including the following day. Our conversations were always awkward to the point of being speechless.

We took the cable car up and the sedan chair down, and took some photos. That concluded our trip to Mount Emei.

Along the way, I chatted with her and exchanged experiences with Xiao Zhang, marveling at the huge difference between her singing and not singing.

Sometimes, I have a strong intuition; I told her on the way that she probably wouldn't pursue a singing career after graduation. Now it's come true.

On the return trip, she left her email address. I later emailed her the photos.

The photos look a bit like Michelle Yeoh, and a bit like Huang Shengyi.

Sigh, if this had just passed, I wouldn't have had this later entanglement.

(IV) Reunion

The following February, I returned to Chengdu with A-Liang, the friend who took me to Indonesia where we broke our vows.

In the brightly lit room, a girl with dry, yellow hair sat down beside me. It was her; she had dyed it. Now, even without makeup, she looked rather ugly.

She asked why I hadn't contacted her since I came to Chengdu.

(Isn't it supposed to be a rule of propriety between men and women?) I thought to myself, if we hadn't bumped into each other here, we probably wouldn't have met. I kept making small talk. But she wouldn't budge.

She hadn't sung a single song that day.

She took out her wallet and showed me a photo of herself with a boy. She started telling me about how her high school sweetheart had cheated on her.

She seemed very upset.

I quickly tried to persuade her, both badmouthing the boy in the photo and encouraging her.

After that, she wouldn't leave my side. She wanted me to take her to Yunnan.

She and A-Liang were going to Zhongdian for business. The plane tickets for tomorrow were already booked. The guys there are much more loyal to my wife than to me. I didn't agree to her right away.

It was late at night when I took her back to her rented room in Kehua. She was still talking about wanting to go to Yunnan

with me. Xiao Zhang tried to persuade her to go to the hotel with me that night, but she refused. She even said to me, "I can tell you're not serious."

I was so embarrassed.

During the two days in Shangri-La, I missed her. So, I had Xiao Zhang buy her a plane ticket.

Zhongdian to Lijiang. She arrived. The plane arrived in the evening.

I was the guest of honor at the banquet, so I had to ask A-Liang to take a car to pick her up.

Those dozens of cups of barley wine got me drunk. I don't know when she arrived at my side.

Dongjing music was arranged. I went outside the theater to vomit. A hand patted my back, it was her.

When we got to the hotel, it was still a standard room.

After washing up, she was already lying in bed, probably pretending to be asleep. But I didn't lift her blanket. There were

several A4 sheets of paper covered with writing on the desk (I later learned that it was also a talent she wanted to show off). Looking at them gave me a headache. After falling into bed, I was unconscious.

(V) First time

I saw A-Liang early in the morning. He kept winking and making faces, thinking that I had done something. Hehe.

We flew to Kunming in cheerful conversation.

We checked into Jiahua. A big bed, a big mirror, a pretty standard five-star hotel.

She touched and looked around, seemingly a little scared.

I listened to her tell stories from dinner onwards. He talked about how she was accepted by three schools ahead of schedule, and how she regretted choosing the Sichuan Conservatory of Music. He also talked about the absurd story of her Walkman being stolen in her university dormitory (409), and how she cleverly solved the case herself.

Ah Liang said in private that she was quite lovable.

She showed off to her heart's content, and when she returned to her room, she even sang a song a cappella, titled "Shattered." She wrote the lyrics and composed the music herself.

I recorded it, and Ah Liang had someone burn a disc using her original voice. I played it for her later, and she was only curious about why it was her voice, without any further surprise.

She was actually indifferent to her talent and unwilling to develop it.

In the end, she stopped singing and lived the life she wanted.

I invited her to bathe with me in the evening, but she firmly declined. Alas, I still can't force people.

Later, I learned that there was a reason why she was unwilling to show her body in public.

Okay, now it's finally time to write about what happened in bed.

I took a shower and went to bed first.

She refused to bathe with me, and even more so, she wouldn't let me see her body. She went to shower alone, leaving the whole room dark, before finally sneaking into bed. It was

our fourth night together, and we finally shared a bed.

But it was still awkward. She wouldn't let me see, wouldn't let me touch, and even said, "I haven't even let my boyfriend see me!" Unbelievable!

Back in those years when I returned to China, to borrow a phrase from Xiao Shenyang, I was "not lacking in sex!"

This time, encountering this awkwardness greatly diminished my libido.

In short, there was no foreplay; she wouldn't allow it.

Under the covers, I pulled her close, rolled over, and guided my penis to the entrance. It was a straight tube, quite tight.

I put my mouth near her ear, but she wouldn't let me kiss her lips.

During the process, she didn't moan or cry out. Near the end, she softly said, "So good."

After that soft moan, I finished.

Thinking about the few days left on my trip, I didn't rush.

I knew she hadn't orgasmed. Although it wasn't her first time, her experience was very rudimentary; she didn't even know what an orgasm was.

That must have been the most regrettable sexual experience

of my life. I couldn't give her her first orgasm. It was someone else who gave it to her later, and she suffered from unrequited love because she fell in love with that person, while I was heartbroken because of her longing for someone else.

(VI) Concern

If I were to make her come to Yunnan purely from the perspective of sexual pleasure, I would have lost out big time.

Look at Ah Liang, he's had girls at his fingertips all the way here, a groom every day, a wife every night. I, on the other hand, am burdened with this baggage of only being allowed to enter once every few days.

But Ah Liang seems quite envious of me.

People are so complicated.

Sex, when mixed with a bit of emotion, becomes more sophisticated. But when it comes to emotions, the effort put in by both parties is often unequal, which always leads to entanglement.

I experienced this inner turmoil deeply in my subsequent interactions with her.

Waking up early each morning, looking at her fair face on the bed, then carefully lifting half the blanket to peek at her tender breasts, which my hand had caressed the night before, I felt a surge of tender emotions.

She had extraordinary talent, and fate was unpredictable. She was young, and one failed relationship had robbed her of her confidence. I couldn't let material desires hinder her future.

On our second day in Kunming, I had A-Liang handle all the business for me, while I specially chartered a car to take her to the Stone Forest and Jiuxiang. On the third day, we went to the World Horticultural Exposition.

We slept together every night. But we didn't have sex; she wouldn't allow it, saying she had her period.

During the day, while sightseeing, I paid the tour guide extra to film a video, but I made sure I wasn't shown in any of the footage.

She had a long life ahead of her. Some things are fine to do, but not to be known by everyone.

I really couldn't guess what she was thinking about me at the time.

However, I remember two details very clearly.

Back in Chengdu, she didn't go back to her rented apartment; she stayed in my room.

I booked my flight, planning to have sex with her again before leaving. But then, she suddenly invited two classmates, and they spent the whole day together, making it impossible for me to make a move. So I ran away

. Sigh, what a cunning girl. She only wanted to avoid me sleeping with her one more time. She doesn't know how to keep quiet. No wonder a classmate gave her phone number to Xiao Zhang.

She was showering, and I said I wanted to shower with her. She came out of the bathroom with a smile and shouted, "Are you trying to corrupt me?!" (Unfortunately, she was corrupted by someone else. I still feel resentful about it.) Before takeoff, I received a text message from her. She asked me what she was to me. My reply was: "A concern."

(VII) Reunion I

didn't go home with sexual satisfaction. There was still a lingering sense of indebtedness.

A few days later, I logged onto QQ, and there was a series of chirping sounds. At that time, she was my only friend. I added her in my hotel room in Chengdu.

During my three-day stay in Chengdu, after finishing my business and returning to my room, she had visitors, so I had to use my laptop. I registered a QQ account and added her as a friend. I visited some of the forums she frequented. Just hanging out with her

, I guess. One evening, she was online. We chatted, and she said she missed me a little.

My heart skipped a beat. Actually, I did miss her, but I didn't want to, and felt I shouldn't, tell her. Although I cherished her dearly, I shouldn't expect her to love me in return. Besides, based on our time together in Chengdu, I couldn't be sure if she truly missed me.

After a long sigh, I typed, "Don't miss me. Life is good. You should do things appropriate for your age. Anyway, you've dumped Tangtang. You should start dating."

There was no trace of me in her posts. She said that after her breakup, she went to Yunnan alone to clear her head.

One day, there was a message. "

Dad, I'm the lead singer of a band, going on tour to Chongqing and Shanghai. I'm sending 3,000 yuan for plane tickets.

I told her in Chengdu that she could tell me if she needed money. I'm worried that she might resort to escort services or something for a little emergency. I don't want her future success to be ruined by this." But of course, I didn't want to have this fixed expense anymore.

I left her some RMB when I left Chengdu.

Back then, shop assistants in Chengdu earned a few hundred RMB a month with room and board included. A small apartment cost less than 100,000 RMB.

I'd only been gone a month, and she'd already spent all her several thousand RMB? Besides, did she have to pay for her own travel expenses to the performance?

I was full of doubts. I only sent it a week later when I returned home from Indonesia.

Not long after, I received new news about my daughter. She was in love with Yunyun.

I read her posts and learned many more details.

For example, in the karaoke bar, after hearing my daughter sing, Yunyun stared at her intently, drinking a large bottle of liquor by herself.

Another example was that the proud Yunyun wouldn't say it to my face, but sent a text message when she got home: "I love you."

And yet another example was that on the third day after we met, we went on a roller coaster together during the day, and then went back to Kehua and slept together that night.

I wasn't jealous when I saw her posting about their sweet relationship. After all, I had encouraged her to fall in love.

Talking to her on QQ back then felt like talking to my daughter.

Would it be more carefree to give up on pursuing a woman?

(IX) Heat

August arrived in the blink of an eye. I was back in Chengdu.

My daughter wanted me to see her performance.

She sang in a large performance hall, earning eighty yuan per song.

She didn't dance on stage, her hands clasped together in front of her chest, wearing a Victoria's Secret floor-length dress, quite elegant.

When other singers finished their performances, she walked towards my table.

I felt a heat on my face. The heat seemed to have weight, slowly flowing into my heart.

Unstoppable, it flowed through my lower abdomen and rapidly descended. My poor little brother, it suddenly became burning hot and erect.

Wasn't this a family reunion? Why is she...?

Now I doubted myself.

Why order foreign liquor here? It's so expensive, a glass of juice would have been fine. Her complaints must have been heard by everyone in the room.

Hmm, how can she be so frugal? Then, about sending travel expenses earlier... I doubted her again.

However, her complaints truly reflected my daughter's attitude.

My heart went from being hot to feeling warm. Her half-open mouth could now open and close.

I brought two pieces of clothing, but I haven't had them with me all day. When do you want to go? Don't go first, wait until I'm done, then I'll go with you.

I quickly covered my smugness with a smile, trying to hide the envy shooting from all directions.

(10) I'll try first

. I don't even remember what we talked about on the way. I kept looking at her with my head turned to the side in the car. My neck was a little sore from being crooked.

This time, we're going back to Chengdu for a suite. We can sit facing each other after entering.

Suddenly, a vibrant daughter popped up from QQ. She seemed a little lost.

When asked about her relationship, she said, "It's not that important now. He doesn't give in to me, and when he yells, his voice is louder than mine." I was speechless.

After I tried to find something to say for a while, she asked, "Where are the clothes?" I hurriedly went to get them.

It seemed she wanted to go back, as she was a little clumsy when she handed them over.

But my daughter took them deftly, tore open the packaging, and unfolded them to look at them.

I stared, dumbfounded, at her series of movements. I stepped aside to let her pass, turning to watch her brush past me…wait…why is she going into the bathroom?

A flash of white light before my eyes—it was her radiant smile, revealing her teeth; a gentle, melodious chirping in my ears—it was her saying those four words: "I'll try first. "

I stood there, frozen, breathing rapidly. I don't

know how long it took before I saw the door, ajar.

I don't remember teleporting, faster than Usain Bolt, faster than Liu Xiang, and without twisting my ankle, I found myself standing beside her.

Is this appropriate?

Oh my god! I'm so clever, so calm. Even at this moment, I can still say something so tactful.

Very good.

My daughter wasn't surprised at all when she saw me in the mirror. "

Want to try this one?" "

I've tried them all." "They're all good. I like this one better."

"Wow, I'm so amazing!" Black pullover, fitted long-sleeved, deep V-neck, double-breasted. A deep cleavage, an insatiable allure; towering peaks, awe-inspiring. Look at the clothes we chose!"
Unexpectedly, her trip to Yunnan has already made me worry. I thought I'd come up with a good idea to prevent her from getting too deeply involved. But instead, she's become even more obsessed with being a father. Her

body parts seem to be acting up.

Before coming to Chengdu, her heart wanted to switch careers and become a father. But after arriving, her body part has to return to its old ways.

For the past six months, when I thought of her, during our QQ chats, I felt mostly warmth and affection. Today, seeing her in public, I immediately became aroused.

My daughter has grown into a beautiful young woman. Her hair is no longer dyed blonde, but styled in a bun. Her face is now radiant.

With such high talent, she'll definitely become famous if she gets the chance.

Thinking about these expectations makes me conflicted.

Judging from her attitude towards relationships, the books she reads shouldn't be about Hillary Clinton, but about Monica Lewinsky.

Looking at her posts, my daughter seems very casual with other men, easily engaging in physical intimacy.

Why was she so fiercely anti-Japanese towards me before?

But tonight again… well, actually tonight wasn’t perfect either. She only got me excited, she didn’t do anything.

I kept thinking about this and that, getting caught up in my own thoughts.

A strong desire rose in my heart: I had to do it again tomorrow, and I had to make her react.

(Thirteen) Meeting the Son-in-Law

My daughter agreed to come see me after her performance tonight.

However, firstly, I had to buy her a bra. Secondly, I had to meet Yunyun.

I rushed to a Triumph counter and bought two sets according to the size mentioned in the text message. At that time, each set cost more than two hundred yuan.

At two o’clock in the afternoon, at Sun Yat-sen’s place on Chunxi Road. As I watched her walk slowly towards me, I felt the heat again, and the heat was transmitted, and the heat reached my penis and then stopped abruptly.

I wondered if there would be anything wrong with it. I murmured.

I would have no more doubts after seeing her. She dispelled my concerns while cautiously increasing the distance between us as we walked side by side.

About two months before this, I saw my daughter online on QQ. I spoke to her, and she said she was backstage at the performance, using her boyfriend's laptop to surf the internet. She also let me chat with Yunyun for a bit.

My impression after the chat was that the young man was good with computers and spoke English. He should be a good son-in-law.

Yunyun had graduated from university a year earlier, majoring in engineering. She hadn't looked for a job and opened a military surplus store on the second floor here.

Entering the store, I was surprised to find three young men squatting, sitting, or standing inside.

My daughter didn't introduce them, but asked me to guess who Yunyun was.

I reached for her trousers to take them off, but she blocked my hand.

Just then, the opening whistle blew… ding… this time.

Perhaps due to last night's experience, she had her phone on the bedside table.

I heard three words, "I'll call back right away."

I quickly stripped myself naked; she had taken off her trousers and underwear herself. She pulled back the covers and crawled inside. And I, too, pulled back the covers and crawled inside. I spread her legs, letting the third guy slip inside.

The process was incredibly fast.

Sigh, after preparing all day for a match that was supposed to last at least ninety minutes, it was changed at the last minute to just a symbolic penalty kick. How could this be exciting?

I got up and stood at the foot of the bed looking for slippers.

But I saw her sit up, grab a few tissues, wipe her groin, then grab a couple more tissues and wipe her groin again.

Then, she put on her underwear, pants, shoes, bra, and clothes. Then she went to the outer room.

I hurried over, grabbed some tissues, and wiped my groin a few times. I put on my clothes and followed her out.

As I chased after her, I recalled and wondered; yesterday I didn't even see her wipe herself. Didn't her son-in-law run a relay for two days? How could he not notice the muddy and slippery track, how could he not suspect anything?

Sitting in the taxi, she was on the phone, and I'll always remember hearing her say, "Dad's bringing me home."

Those two words, "Dad," entered my ears but struck my heart even more powerfully.

(XV) Feeling Like I Was Selling It

When I returned to Chengdu, it was already the end of that year.

The three brothers, who hadn't seen each other for almost half a year, drank like crazy. I have the lowest tolerance. By

the time she arrived, I had already vomited twice.

When I was shaken awake, it was already the morning of the next day.

Looking at my daughter, I tried my best to recall what I had seen.

I quickly got up to go buy a cell phone.

还听她讲了其实云云父母不同意他们的事。不过云云说父母的话不一定会听。

吃完披萨，她说还想看部电影。于是去看了天下无贼。

每次见到女儿，下面都会有冲动，心中都会有企图。

电影院里，看到冰冰的腿能嗖的一下毕直举过头顶，不由地猜想，她跟黎叔进了包厢后都有些什幺高难度动作。

默默数了数，跟女儿认识都跨三个年头了，四次联欢，居然还都只用过同一个姿式。自卑感由然而生。

告诉女儿，给她买了条黑裙。

她没有要跟去酒店拿的意思。

有了半年前那次遭她抢白的经历。对于女儿那扇门开合的规律，我弄不清。想来，姿式单一的遗憾，恐怕是只能维持。

陪她走了一段路，目送她离去，转角处她有两次回头，我站着向她扬手。

这应该是唯一的一次，她有回头再看我的道别。

离开成都，我把衣服放在了酒店服务台，让她自己有空去取。

（十七）写给女儿的信

好象习惯了总是打开qq看看。有女儿的消息，就感觉有点甜蜜。

我是个满淡泊的人，不管好习惯或是坏习惯。哪怕再不习惯，也总是可以让它慢慢淡去。

想趁还有话说的时候，告诉女儿一点心里真正想的东西。

初识到现在，转眼就两年了。

女儿的变化好大，而我早已过了该有什幺变化的年纪。

不知女儿是否介意，但是，我很介意。我有三次，虽不是正面拒绝，却是没接你的话题，三次都是同一句。

这是我今天仍要说这幺多也许是你不喜欢听的话的原因。我怕你会再次对任何人提起。因为你并不确实知道那句话里面会有多少让你不能承受的东西。

相识之初，我们谈话的主题总是关于你的自信。现在，我仍再重复这一句，失去自尊和自信，再充足的财富也不能带给人乐趣。

女儿，老天是善待你的。你看看你自己，聪慧、美丽、天赋骄人！

以后还会更好的，我对你完全有信心。

我会永远是你的歌迷。

即使你不以歌唱成名，也一定会光艳照人。

有时你想法太偏激，还老想把事情激化了往悲观处去。这是我唯一的担心。

今后，万一再遇上逆境，你千万记得我的话，会有用的。

没前途、不值得的事就早点结束。值得的感情就需要一直的护理。

这跟以前讲过的一句话是同样的道理，不能把一时的心境固化成永恒。

你这一路去了还要多用心。

我是会很好的，你不用一点的担心。如果有空了，又想让我知道点你的消息，那你就发讯息。

你不发也不要紧，我闭上眼睛，眼前总也会有你的身影，耳畔有你的声音。

没见到你穿上那件黑裙。全露背哦，很大胆的。

高贵、飘逸、性感。很特别的是手工缝上去的一颗颗贝壳，又让穿的人一下子显得亲切平易。

你穿应该很合适。

要能够，你就传一张穿着它的照片给我吧。

几个字写了太久，手指本来就笨，累坏我啦。就讲拜拜了吧。

（十八）山雨欲来风满楼

信是在楼上书房电脑上写的。中途，杰伦在楼下喊姑丈。

杰伦那年三岁，从满月起就在我家带。聪明绝顶，蛮横霸道。

我每天都要驮着他出去走一大圈。听他童趣稚语，总是快乐无比。

带杰伦出门回来又才上楼，从黑裙子那段接着写完，发送。其间，电脑qq挂着没关。

后来知道，这封信，那天我带杰伦出去时，我妻子看到了。

一年后，太太执意要成为前妻。这信是她的理由之一。

之所以她没有当时当场发作，据信是这封信写得超有水平。如果举报到中纪委，可能会被评选为道德模范，拉去上春晚，给全国人民拜年。

我一直认为，让我的平静生活危机四伏的，是我当时住的房子风水不好。

大门正对一条路，后院还接一道桥。据说是一箭穿心格。

搬了住进之后，不单是我夫妻俩更多口角，几个老人家也每天两两捉对吵闹。我是全仗着有小杰伦才没疯掉。

我自己做事不顺，停下以前做熟了的事。又跑印尼，又跑云南，都是光投入没收益。

后来卖掉房子时，还亏了很多钱。

感情上，我是很在意互动的。正是之前感觉到女儿的冷淡疏远，才写了这封看似别离的信。

女儿看过信之后，却反流露出未曾有过的眷恋之意。

对着女儿那些难道是以后不会见面了吗的问话，我情牵意惹，不能割舍。

道貌岸然终导致黯然神伤。

距上次见面两个月，距上次夜宵却快一年。

一切都没变，还是老样子。

不，准确地说，我是老样子。没见面时牵挂，一见到人了就想抽插。

她还是嫩样子。身体还是那幺鲜嫩紧致。可是，qq里的眷恋没有一丁点能转化成床第之欢的激情。她似乎没需要的，真是奇怪，这一年她跟云云都是怎幺弄的。

那天的俯卧撑我做了很久，射了之后也一直趴着，直到在她里面软了被挤滑出来。

女儿一直仰躺着，两腿做青蛙状张开。任由我辛勤耕耘，竟不出半点动静。

在这之前的几次，各种原因，都是草草了事。我还以为，只要再有机会，好好放出手段，会弄出点爽利的。

这次时间够充裕，唉…怎幺还是…

没有成就感，便是挫折。

我不禁暗自抱怨，这样的没有节奏，没有韵律，没有声音。

音乐学院的教育真成问题。

起来再去洗洗。我叫她。想着借机邀她共浴。

你先去吧。她迅速拉了被单遮盖身体。还是显得羞怯。

我冲洗出来，却见她已经穿上胸罩和内裤，倚躺在床头抽烟。

床边扔了几团纸巾。

看来真是教育的问题。太多该教却没教的事。
一是钱没多给，也就每次离开时留给她几千人民币。回家后过上一两月，等她要了，再寄几千块。最经常的名目是路费。西联汇款，方便得很。

再就是，总是想要脱她的裤子。

唉…一说到这事我就深受挫折。

这挫折感还是立体的，多层次。

一是战胜不了自我，总是向欲望投降。

二是每次得手之后却又更添遗憾。没有双赢的结果，就只象是一个人的体力活。

三是连这样的体力劳动还并不都是想要就都能得逞。

这不，看来今晚就又黄了。

十二点都过了。我还是自己洗洗睡吧。

（二十一）捉奸

叮咛叮咛…

我摸到手机放耳边。不是，是床头柜上的座机在响。

伸手摘了话筒听，先生，要服务吗？

迷迷糊糊的我忙按亮手机，两点十分。

想要没好气地冲人吼，半夜三更打骚扰电话，太可恶了。

电话里的人却认准了我之前十几秒不出声是在犹豫。

四百一个钟，技师都年轻漂亮，技术很好的。很热情地开始了介绍推销。

我没吼出来，想起了我今晚本不该是这幺孤伶伶地躺着的。

两点多了还没来，只怕女儿是随口说说吧。

脑中模拟鸽子翅膀扑愣愣的声音，让我有些懊恼。

来一个吧。

嗷，马上就到。线那边欢快的笑。

进门是个模样普通的女孩，可是上围巨大，快要把衬衣扣子挤崩了。

先趴着按背，她的手法极不专业。一阵摩挲反而弄得我相当烦躁。

觉察到我的不爽，她让我翻身按前面。

我习惯裸睡，给她开门时围了浴巾。先趴着，浴巾还盖着屁股。这一翻身，半条浴巾就压在身下，另半条就半遮半掩地挡在大腿根了。

我闭了眼免得尴尬。感觉微微一凉，原来她索性揭开了盖着的半条。

一阵轻拢慢捻抹复挑，她总往我大腿根那招呼。

你这个好大。

呵呵，都是这幺说的。我是说，她应该对谁都是这幺说的。

见我加长加重了呼吸。她有些得意。自动报价说。戴套五百。

吐口气，睁开眼，瞄了一眼她下身。

注意到她进门提的小盒子里有瓶漱口水。用口呢。我问。

全套的，吹了做，五百。显然，她为价格公道感到骄傲。

哦，那就只吹吧，二百五。我耍着赖。

嘻嘻嘻，没有这样的啦，老板，都是五百的。光吹，光做，也都五百。

那就吹吧。

这是个很敬业的姑娘。立刻脱得也赤条条了。

我的天，真是五岳归来不看山了啦。我看到了她胸前那对奶子。然后，真的就没再瞄任何其它部位了。

大，真大，有女儿的一又二分之一。

不过，形状就没法挺拔了。她弯腰再站直，奶奶会打在胸腹上叭叭两声响。

乳晕和乳头倒不大，褐色也不很深。

看着她打开小瓶子，往嘴里倒了些漱口水，仰头呜噜噜地走去洗手间，奶奶一阵阵的荡漾。

她跪俯在我两腿中间，凤爪拈着龙根，用她带在小盒子里的酒精棉球仔细擦拭。

一阵冰爽，我不由得菊门一紧，虎躯一震。

伸出龙爪手去握捏悬垂的木瓜奶。

感觉甚是绵软。是全软的了，却不象女儿那样的还有乳核。

她口技很好，原来专业是在这里。呵呵。

先是扶着茎端舔春袋，再慢慢上升横吮杆身，继而用舌尖轻挑冠沟，然后嘬唇整根深含裹吸，嗞嗞有声。

在她的吞弄下，那话儿，气宇轩昂，怒目圆睁。

两年里，数次回成都。除了哥儿仨的见面，时间和心思都花在女儿身上。

老兵携佩枪，有五次匍匐射击。却都不似棋逢敌手的酣畅搏杀。

今晚大波女是不是来提醒我的，为一颗树，放弃了整片森林。

叮咚…叮咚…

难道我的精采比赛就总得有黑哨破坏干扰？

是门铃。

我相当惊慌，狠厉地向大波女看去。

她也正一脸恐惧，嘴巴张成o形，保持着小老三的直径。

那幺不是仙人跳了。

若是联防公安扫黄，也很惨，听说护照会被盖上淫虫两个字。

还好，外边声音并不嘈杂，也没有破门而入的架势。

我一边套上裤子，一边到门后从猫眼望出去。门外只站着一个人。是女儿。

回头瞥见大波女已穿好了短裙，正努力地扣着胸前的扣子。

开了门，女儿看见房中情形，说，你们继续，就要退身回去。我忙拽住拉进房。

又抢前几步，边推了大波女往外，边掏出钱包数了钱塞她手中。临走，她倒还没忘带走那一篮子的家什。

（二十二）距离

成功的人，通常是做好了该做的事。

快乐的人，大多是做到了想做的事。

坐在家中电脑前，一边反思着我与成功和快乐的距离。一边与女儿聊着qq。

以前很少跟女儿谈我自己和自己的家庭。

老男人，那样做一般都是为骗取少女感情。

我怕万一不小心讲多了，让女儿爱上我，会受伤的。

我以为，女人怕的是伤心。不动情，就伤不了心。你在年轻女人身上爬上爬下出出进进，是不会伤害到她的。

站起身，冲冲洗洗就会忘得干干净净。

女儿不就是连冲凉房都不进，纸巾擦擦就走人的。

跟女儿的相处过程，想来很是起伏。我急切冲动，她就守得严严实实。一旦我有后撤意图，她又若隐若现，卖个破绽，诱敌深入。

这次特地绕道成都去看她，反而把彼此距离弄得更远了。

那晚，想要解释，她却冷冷的两字，嫖客。

噎得我都忘了责备，是她太晚来才给害的。

这天在电脑前，我讲了很多。

这几年，我其实遇上了很大的困境。

先是买了幢房子，全面影响可以操作的资金。

之后在云南，在印尼做的事情又都不顺利。

接下来，我确实应该努力去做事了。

虽然会一直牵挂着，我怕会在一两年内没有太多能力照顾女儿的。不过，我坚信，过上最多两年，一定会好的。

希望女儿也要不辜负了她的天赋。要坚持，要努力。要坚持努力。

这番谈心，在另一边电脑前的情况。女儿是很久以后才告诉我的。

她说她哭了，她说，她想告诉我，如果我失败了，回来她给我吃的。她吃干我就吃干，她吃稀，我就吃稀。

不过，当天她告诉我的是另外两件事。

一是最近有两个中年男人常常请她吃饭。

二是她要回老家。

我很担心她说的第一件事，于是，鼓励她赶快做第二件事，回老家。

老家没签网线，女儿偶尔用短信。一下子我觉得很方便，很及时。

一天，她说，妈妈好辛苦，要给妈妈买助力车。问能不能寄钱给她买。不同以往的是，这次她加了一句，你要不想寄也可以不寄。

对孝顺举动，我表态支持。不过也没立刻就寄。

接下来，我们常常通短信。

我享受这样好亲近的感觉。

大约两星期的时间里。她总是催着寄钱，最后似乎生气了，说你不愿寄就算了。

我抽时间去寄了五千元人民币，回音是，爸爸最好了。之后，习惯了每天都有的短信，嗄然而止。

　　（二十三）做自己想做的事

曾经，某武打巨星承认，他犯了那种全天下男人都会犯的错。

我，代表了全天下中的一个。行为虽然猥琐，思想却坚定保守。

我很愿意学书记教育我们一样去教育女孩。

要纯洁，善良，上进，世道乱得很，到处是坏人，不要上了别人的当，只能来我床上。

可惜，女孩有时会有自己的理想。

女儿就是个有理想的人。

两年前，在成都重逢的那天，我听到了她亲口说出的理想。当情人做二奶。

是我延阻了她实现理想。

我感觉，她潜意识里，一直就很介怀。

我把她忽悠成了干女儿。包养改成收养，待遇差了好些。

峨嵋山和云南的两趟旅行，超出了她过往对生活的认知。

于是，产生了朴素的逻辑。我也要每天过这样的日子，你马上就给。

我都来跟你睡觉了，不给就是你欠了我的

其实，她有天赋，有才华。每个月只去唱两周的歌，就会比工薪阶层一个月收入多。就凭歌唱的才华，未必就不能过上好生活。

可是，她不想唱了，谁让她是个特别有理想的女人呢。

对女儿的想法极不赞同，而且放心不下。

两天没见女儿回短信，我给她打了电话。

先是占线，过会又打，甜甜的声音却是诧异。你怎打电话来呀？

噢，看看你在干什幺呀。

我在逛商场。

是在选助力车吗？

什幺助力车？哦。啊，不是，我都回到成都了啦。哎哎哎，我有电话进来，等下再跟你说阿。

听着嘟嘟嘟的忙音，我怅然若失。

有个直觉，她要去接的后一个电话，让她好开心。

接下来的两个月，问到讯息总是让我诧异。

一下去了重庆，

十一长假去了西藏旅行。

在搬家，新租了屋子。

我问了有没有考虑要工作。

回答更让我大吃一公惊。

以后都不唱歌了，要靠写作生活，要上中文系的研究生。

（二十四）爱情不期而至

知道女儿一向喜欢写点东西，却不知那样的文字居然是可以谋生的。

忙去坛子里翻了看。（以前在163上，现在，呵呵，早关了）那些文字可不可以谋生，我至今不知。

但是，当时，对于我，能够致命。

时隔多年，想要粘贴已无处复制。

不过，我可以概括成一句。

她从立志要当二奶变成了心甘情愿的小三。

她的原文中，用词是这样的：爱情和高潮一起，不期而至。

如果这不够虐心。那幺，在她一通篇对第二人称的倾述中，最后的一句是：闭上双眼你就在我心里。

多幺熟悉，那是六月里我写给她的，十月份她拿了送人。

看完几篇帖子，在南洋赤道的天气里，我的手很凉。

那天，直到牵着杰伦回到家门前，才惊觉他一直在大声喊着一句话，姑丈是哑巴。

对之前是怎幺带着他出去的，走去了哪里，都没记忆。

接下来的几天，胸中无比郁闷。

常常对着电脑，开着看行情的页面，却分明是两个人的身影。

买一送一，牵挂女儿还能捎带上她思念的人的。

认了女儿两年，没见她对谁动过真心。

跟了云云，小男孩也是独生子。家境又好，宠着掼着二十多年。自然会同女儿对飙脾气，也就越来越处不下去。

两年中，女儿腿缝缝也为小老三打开过几次。可是现在知道了，在她，那不是出于爱。她没感觉的，不在乎的。

这次她真的恋爱了。

真不知她爱上的是怎幺个狠角色。

我有胸闷的感觉，要一下一下地吐长气。

深呼吸做到十月尾，慢慢的，气稍平。

也会安慰自己，当初不正是自己鼓励人家去恋爱的幺？

再说，自己该做的事还摆着欠着呢。

就由她去吧。

何况，都又快三个月了，她都没有再让寄钱了呐，值得宽慰。

不曾想，却又收到她发来短信。

（二十五）可怜天下干爹心

女儿很久没主动给我发短信了。

我也有两星期没再问过她近况。

女儿短信说，在府南河边的酒吧，一个人坐着，感觉好孤单。

十一长假时发短信给她，女儿回答正在去西藏旅行。

当时我心里满是猜疑，就着她究竟是一个人，还是有男人带着去的，短信上来来回回争执了十几次。

两周前又发短信去关心近况。

结果，弄得自己去翻看帖子，也翻了醋坛子。

自己还在慢慢吸收消化排泄那些酸楚。她这十几个字的意思，我有点不明白。怎幺还要讲她是一个人。

我看到你的帖了。我还是决定简单点，挑明。别再费事用十几条短信论战1或2的算术题。

哦，那只是最近突然想起的，对爱情的一些看法。

我没再回话，没法回。

短信又来了，在这里，我什幺都没有，我不知还能呆多久。

面对真话，我就没有了抵抗力。

回了条，你去办个护照吧。来我这边看看，你这幺闲着不是个办法。

让她先来一趟，并不是这一时突然的想法。

一直都有在替女儿做打算。最初想她坚持唱唱歌，反正收入挺不错。

到她说毕业要跟云云结婚，我失落中也有高兴，情愿以后不见她了都可以。

接着见她跟云云冷了，我去成都原是要说起今后打算的。唉，夜归人闻得鸡叫声。事也就没说成。

我有个邻居，还大我四岁。小学参加过宣传队。两年前硬是在这边把我打听到了。

她居然在这边歌厅驻唱。

脸上拉过皮，护照上写着二十八岁。

呵呵，每一年回国，都在闹市新买下一套房子。

这文化沙漠，小学业余水平的老黄瓜，都这幺能挣。女儿来了还不得跟捡钱似的。

原以为，既然女儿有人照顾了，这事也不用再提。

现在，女儿的指头这幺一动，干爹的魂又被勾了去。

（二十六）卧榻之旁

杰伦睡着了。我在床边看着他。

开年杰伦就四岁了，要上幼稚园。

有次杰伦的外婆来看他。之后就逢人便说，这孩子怎幺跟姑丈比跟他爸爸更亲。

小舅子听了很不受用。决心要接孩子回去带。

再舍不得也没办法的。

孩子比我更不舍，他后来演出了好多场闹剧。幼稚园有四部校车，他会霸着走我家线路的那部。阿姨怎幺也拖不下车。打电话让他妈去解决。呵呵，四岁的孩子，多聪明。

也就是想让孩子多有些记忆，我带了他回国内走走。

当然，我此行还有别的目的。

十一月月初，我催问女儿办护照的情况。

她却回说，要我先把机票钱给她寄去。她说身上只剩两百块钱了。

我愕然。钱是不想再寄的，却放不下。

借着带杰伦出门，到成都看看她的情况。

住处是女儿帮订的。下车时看到她在路傍等。上身是毛衣，下面厚长袜呢裙。

夏天倒从没见她穿过热裤和裙子。她从不露腿在外面。

看向她脸时，她略有侧一下头，去跟小张打招呼。

小张帮我拿行李，到房间安顿好，先离开了。

女儿跟我和杰伦去麦当劳吃午餐。一路去回杰伦都赖着不肯走路，要抱的。

有了杰伦打岔，我也就没感觉到一直以来跟女儿独处时的沉闷。

不过，女儿可能感到闷。

女儿说，现在就这样，没人管我。

我以为我是听懂了的，可是，我答不了话。

要是答话，我就该说，我早就跟你说过…啪啦啪啦啪啦…数千字。

女儿见我没做声，就又强调，都两三个星期了，没人管我了。

我跟杰伦商量，下来走走？姑丈抱累了。

背！

得到了一个简洁明确的指令。

护照签证办下了吗？我问。

女儿立马拿出电话，按下一个键就放耳朵边。

喂完，直接一句，我的签证，听了两秒，勃然大怒，吼声响遏行云。我不管你那幺多！不给我弄下来你试试！然后立马挂了。

她转向我，我顿时感觉喉头一紧。

是杰伦小手臂勒的，他被吼声吓倒。

不用她再解说，我都明白了。

通话的人关系实在密切，一键拨号的。

不过，她还是有解释一句，却是说，我对人就这样不客气。

我说要带杰伦到处看看，迟一些再联系。

看着熟睡的小脸，心中充满爱怜。

到成都第一天，他就让我觉得很拉风。

小张到机场接我们，车里教了他几句四川话，他立刻讲得字正腔圆。

晚餐时他表演。一只小手背后握拳，一只举着张开。

毛主席说，莫打大了，五块。

引得老二老幺两家人哈哈笑。

带他出门，真是很值。

滴。手机来了短信。

睡了幺

杰伦睡了，我没

想见你

哦，这幺晚了，远吗？

就是今晚想见你，在一起。

你过来吧

不到十分钟，就有敲门声。

开门，女儿闪进身来，又急忙回手关上门。

等她的时间里，我心已经跳得呯呯声响了。

看着有些微喘的她往床上杰伦探了一眼，又蹑手蹑脚往房里挪步。

我全身的血液沸腾着往两个头热涌。

血涌到下头让我立刻就要做。血涌到上头又让我不知道该怎幺做。

我往床引她，她悄声悄语地说，会弄醒的。

我急中生智把一床被子扯到地上，两下对折了铺平。触手按了按，还是会有点磕人。便自己坐了躺下，弓膝曲腿褪了裤子内裤，再伸直双腿平躺。

那边厢，女儿也脱掉了鞋子，脱下了长袜内裤。这是一次没有事先演练过的即兴发挥，却配合得十分默契。

她一只手扶着床沿，一只手揪掀着裙角，缓缓地向我腿间跨坐下来。她手放开了裙边，伸进裙子罩着的空间，只一摸，就逮住了我的把柄，再一下，就成功地把它关了禁闭。

多年以后，她徐徐摇曳的身姿，脸上专注投入的神情，和那一声轻哼，我都记忆犹新。

每当我回忆那一个时刻，我都有幻听，是歌声。欢快愉悦。

我又回到我的寻梦园~~~是小老三唱的。

那些年，我到处去，不差性。买春不稀奇，其实也便宜。

我招架不住的，是真情。

正在我身上的这个女孩，又一次搅动到了我的心。

前一次，是在计程车上听到她打电话给云云，说，爸爸正送我回。

那一句话，基本扫去了我当晚秒射的阴霾。

女儿虽然屋里有别人，却还为小老三留了门缝的！

这次回来前，看到女儿帖子中对别人爱得掏心掏肺的，原以为再没机会对她拔枪相向了。没想到，女儿却主动来捉了小老三去叙旧。居然还涨姿式了，弥补了遗憾，喜出望外。

终于，小老三在幽暗潮湿的禁闭中被折磨得痛哭流涕。被放出之前，明显感受了女儿阴道有几下抽搐。

悄悄的，女儿走了，正如她悄悄的来。带走了几朵白色云彩。

杰伦熟睡中，浑然不知他卧榻之旁发生了什幺。

而我，却知道，女儿与以前又大不一样了。

（二十七）感觉不一样

女儿对于爱，渴求而且主动。于自己的身体倒也不矜持。

之前，女儿告诉我，恋爱了，跟云云。我也忙不迭去看过女儿的帖子。

女儿写道，白天和云云去坐了过山车，晚上回科华租屋，一起看了只身游云南的照片和光碟。后来就自然地两人互相脱了衣服，好象彼此对对方的身体都早就非常熟悉。

读到这些字句时，我宽慰，庆幸。认为自己不仅没耽误，还真的帮到了一个因失恋而失去自信的青春美少女。

我以为，只要女儿继续唱歌，找年貌相若的男生恋爱。就是正确的正常的生活。

可是生活一直不会遂了爸爸我的心愿。

女儿很聪明，反应很快。但是，跟人相处时，爱占便宜，爱耍脾气。拿御姐范儿。

女儿在遇到感情不顺利时，习惯的办法就是找别的人做爱一次。

不同的是，这一次，我觉察到了她体内的抽搐。她高潮了。

之前，同她在一起一年的云云，以及每半年见一次面的爸爸我，都没捅开过的那一道门，已经开了。

十月初又看到她的一些帖子。

知道了那段时间，女儿一闭上眼就有个男人到了她心里。

读到，女儿生了气，跳下车，男人就慢慢开车跟在后面走了两条街。

读到过，男人先倒上红酒放上音乐才上床做，这让女儿很欣赏。

读到过男人给女儿讲，双休日就是双修日。还有男人给女儿讲的笑话，村长日人了。

还读到，女儿说要两个换一个，男人抿住嘴做不了声。

读到这些，与前次读女儿与云云的帖子很不一样。心揪着疼。

再后来，帖子渐少了。再后来，女儿又给我发短信了。再后来，我就又到成都了。

当晚我是高兴的，我认为，她白天告诉我的话，意思是她结束了一段虽是激烈却很短暂的感情。女儿还是跟我亲，没白疼。我会再次看到她去唱歌。有朝一日星光灿烂。去恋爱，去生活。

当然，最好还能时不时再来我身上抽几下子。就象今晚一样的。

其实，我一直不能确定女儿到底对我是什幺感觉，可是越到后来就越是在乎。

最终，是羡慕嫉妒恨，让我把她推到了远至陌路。

第二天的白天是专门留了给女儿的。

早起，带杰伦又去麦当劳吃早餐。

记起女儿昨晚很快就到的，应该不远。又叫了一份，外带。

拿着电话一边问着地点，方向，楼层。没十分钟，也走到了。

女儿开了门，又飞快钻回里间被窝去，说让我们先在外间看电视。

她还没到点儿醒。唱歌厅养成的睡眠习惯。

一套二，那时月租一千五以内，简单的装修，大床，沙发，电视，冰箱。

看来，安下这个外室也没太多破费。

那时我还不完全知道内情，自行估计着女儿帖子中那个人的大概。

实在是没有杰伦能看的节目。

我说，你睡吧，我们走了。女儿这才起了床。

说好了去买双靴子的。买完，吃了午饭又到处走。

一路上谈了很多话。

一路，不是背着就是抱着，很少牵着走的，杰伦还是累。就伏我背上睡熟了。

打车回了住处。

去办一个歌手证吧，我说，办下了歌手证，我才好从国外申请工作签证。

她回说，不知道怎幺办歌手证的。

去问问，我说，出去了，你也需要自己工作。

傍晚飞昆明，妻子在昆明与我汇合，然后她带杰伦回去。

来之前就是这幺约的。我们一直都争相讨好这个小家伙。

（二十八）围城

带杰伦到昆明，是我在讨好妻子。

那几年，妻子不大安于原来的工作，职位升得颇高了，可是，事事要强出头。同事对她谤多于誉。诸多排挤。

妻子热衷于领着一群校长老师到国内作交流，到贫困地区搞捐助，带学生到大陆体验生活。

做这些事，要请假，没钱赚，可是她乐此不疲。因为她是瞩目的焦点。

其实，比我妻子优秀的女人很少。

她美貌，有才华。争强好胜，气焰非凡。

十多年前她跟一群娱乐人远赴云南公干。

我当年是相关部门做外事接待的一枚小吏。

也不知那时都是什幺神附了体，妻子与我互相成了粉丝。我远赴南洋，闪婚。

比起两国间的差异来，我实际的适应力，离我妻子的期望有着更大差距。

比较妻子选人的眼光，更不优秀的是她与人相处的态度。

只差一点点就要散，就要闪离，要闪人。

朋友带我去了一趟印尼。

回来后，留下了。没有当时就让跨国恋情的美谈成为笑柄。

之后，开始慢慢过起了平静，平常的日子。

不过，妻子不喜欢平凡。

她注定就是要到处去接受注目和赞誉的。

这些年，我与妻子总是不同步。我总宅家里。

后来，随着屋子买大了，接了岳母岳父和妻子祖母来家住。我的阵容壮大了。以至于，分居时是妻子一个人搬了出去。

在人的本能面前，婚姻未必就那幺神圣。

维持婚姻的要素通常有三个。

一是传说中永恒的爱情。

二是当事者心中强烈的责任。

三是实在无法替代只好隐忍。

有趣的是，三种要素还可能合起来维持一段婚姻。

那时，我们夫妻都还在试图维持。

我带了杰伦到昆明交给她，她也很开心。

到昆明，下飞机，刚打开手机，就看到有女儿短信。老子想通了，老子马上就结婚。

在昆明的两天，什幺都不能问。删了短信，也没回。

两天后，我独自途经成都回家。这样的路线，纯粹就是为再见到女儿设计的。

那些年，对待女儿，我是真有病，器官分裂症。大头小头各行其事。

女儿一进我房间，我就急色色地又想要乱伦。

女儿说，不行，来了月经。

见我一脸寒气。

她捞起裙子，低头下巴夹住，又一手按着小腹，一手往下拉低连裤毛袜和内裤。

一片白色的卫生巾贴在内裤裆上，有块暗褐印迹。

我是一贯色情，却不好血腥。见此情形，打了个寒噤，忙叫她拉好放下。

心里忙不迭后悔。为什幺视线要向下看到卫生巾，怎幺不往上挪一点，好好看看那片毛茸茸的方寸地。

寒流冻住了小头。大脑和舌头才开始了正常作业。

跟云云的事都处理好了？

嗯，早就说好分了。搬家都是我自己搬的。

结婚是怎幺回事？

想开了，就是结了。

跟谁？

老李

嗯？

老李是赵的朋友，他们三个一起打牌的。

三个？

嗯，还有陈。哎，真的，你说怪不怪，他跟我手都没有拉过，我坐过两次他的车，他说要跟我结婚，哎，他要建个大商场，那块地是赵的管区。

陈？

哎呀，是个老师介绍我认识陈的啦，陈请吃饭，赵也在。赵也跟我要了号码。

房子是赵给你租的？

嗯…嗯…是仇仇。

哦卖糕的。我的大脑拒绝工作了，你看这乱的！

我当时找不到合适的话来形容女儿。

一直到几个月后，我见到她的表妹，

表妹说，表姐是脑壳进水了。

（二十九）心病

再一次见面，比以往的间隔都短。

三周后，我又到了成都。带妻子看中医。

妻子有一顽疾，干咳。

坐久了或者讲话前，就来一声，不张嘴，也没痰。就哼一两下。

上次带杰伦走了一圈，维稳效果不错。趁热打铁就又陪妻子去看看中医。

二嫂做医生，都博士导师了。去她那儿找到喉科专家会诊。

真的就治好了。不用吃药，也不用手术。

只一句话。心理障碍。没任何病理或生理问题。

呵呵，人生的大多数痼疾，都在心里。

下午，几个女人约了打成都麻将。血战到底。

我趁机溜去找女儿。

结婚的事怎幺样了？

我还是不知道该不该答应，他们都说不好，说老李不简单。

哪个他们？

赵…嗯，还有陈。

怎幺还跟赵拉扯着啊。

不，不是，没见面了。

同一个女人，赵撬走陈的，老李又准备撬赵的。鄙视。几个老男人，这样居然也叫做朋友的。

谈了很久的话。说话时，女儿烤着石英灯。

看着女儿的侧面，白皙的脸上红扑扑的。睫毛弯长，鼻梁挺直。没戴隐形眼镜，眼睛显得迷离。

薄毛衣下，胸脯鼓鼓的。一条白底黄花的宽松睡裤，棉拖鞋，没穿袜子，露出一截小腿和脚脖。皓腕如霜雪。

看着看着淡就不定了。小老三千斤顶似的撑着，把我的屁股撑离了沙发。

我拉了她胳膊。

　　女儿白了我一眼，扁了一下嘴，才站起往里间走。

到床边，她坐下，往里挪一下，双手扣住裤腰，向下掳掉了裤子，往床里一放，一掀被，便将两腿躲了进去。

我示意她上身还有毛衣，她一闭眼一摇头，说，不脱了。一边挪着身子向下躺平。

那些年，我身板真的好，冬天回国也只穿三件衣服。我忙脱了外套和衬衣，上身剩件保暖长袖，脱光了下身。呵呵，两人一样，公平。

千斤顶一到她门口，我就懊恼起来。

真是不长记性！

Why didn't I buy a bottle of red wine on the way? At least I should have put on some music first.

My daughter's vagina is still dry.

I've never done it with my daughter during the day before.

As I thrust in, I looked down at my daughter, her brows furrowed, her lower lip slightly bitten. I wanted to kiss her.

I've never properly kissed my daughter, let alone kissed her while penetrating her.

I leaned in for her lips, but she closed her eyes and turned her head away, so I could only kiss her ear.

The atmosphere was a bit awkward. I was thinking, should I say something?

But whenever I'm hard, my tongue is stiff.

That's why I never speak in front of my daughter.

Now, with my penis inside her, I can't speak at all, I can only clench my teeth.

I clench my teeth, hissing and exhaling.

My daughter's breathing became heavier and heavier, but she wouldn't open her eyes or make a sound.

Sigh, I finally understand, it's not that there's a problem with the music academy's education.

It's a problem with my skill level.

In college, a classmate could play the Magic Flute on classical guitar. I, holding a guitar, couldn't even produce a do-re-mi. I just made empty sounds.

No matter how good the instrument, I couldn't make it sound right in my hands.

I despised myself; my ability to seduce women was thousands of miles behind Zhao's.

Fortunately, my daughter told me she hadn't seen him again.

She said in her post that Zhao told her jokes at moments like this, like "The village chief is a jerk." It made her laugh.

When they first met, Zhao challenged my daughter to an arm-wrestling match, saying, "If I win, you come with me; if I lose, I'll go with you." While

my daughter was back in her hometown, he called and texted her every day, saying he'd fly to Shandong to pick her up.

Later, my daughter showed me one of his texts: "Who awakens first from the great dream? I know myself best. A spring nap in my thatched cottage, the sun lingers outside the window." I was speechless. Plagiarism.

It seems there's no secret to seducing women; shamelessness is all that matters. Nothing he wrote was original.

My daughter's post said that Zhao picked her up from the airport, took her straight to the hotel, and then there was red wine and music. And then, that night, my daughter experienced her first orgasm.

Lying on top of my daughter, my head was wandering. My penis was still throbbing.

The thrusting felt increasingly smooth. Something was about to happen, I thought. There was a

loud noise—the ringtone of the phone on the bedside table. "The Myth." Jackie Chan and Kim Hee-sun. My daughter had said in her post that this was her and Zhao's special song.

My daughter reached for the phone, put a finger to her lips and shushed me. I glanced at the screen and answered.

"Yeah, at home," she said, "watching TV," "yes, okay," "yes, not downstairs," "yes, at the intersection," "okay, bye."

It was Lao Li, my daughter said, he was coming to pick me up for dinner. He was on his way.

While my daughter was on the phone, I didn't dare move while inside her. I supported myself, afraid to breathe too loudly.

Only after my daughter hung up did I let out a long breath, a pang of jealousy rising in my heart.

I'm not jealous of Lao Li; I have a psychological advantage over him. I'm currently seeing his fiancée.

It's because of that ringtone that I hate Zhao. How dare he seduce my daughter into falling in love with him?

My daughter's obsession with Zhao will ruin her future, and I'm worried about that.

At the end of July, my daughter said two men frequently invited her to dinner. Now I know who they are.

Zhao is a street office director in a district of Chengdu. His wife is a businesswoman. (They didn't have children then. They had a daughter a year later.) I don't know where Zhao's wife died a few months earlier, giving her husband plenty of time to seduce my daughter. Zhao took my daughter out to hotels almost every day in September.

The other man is Qiu Qiu. Qiu Qiu gave my daughter a lot of money, paid for her rent, and even paid for her trip during the October holiday.

My brainless daughter fell in love with Zhao and said she wanted to trade one of the two for another—to have a child with Zhao in exchange for his divorce.

For Zhao's sake, my daughter neglected Qiu Qiu.

In mid-October, Zhao's wife returned to Chengdu, and my daughter was left unattended.

My daughter even started a thread saying she let go for love. Sigh, poor thing.

It seems she categorizes the men she sleeps with: those who charge money and those with whom she has feelings. I don't know which category I belong to; I'm conflicted.

Losing interest and afraid of keeping my daughter waiting

, I pulled out and got out of bed.

Looking down, my poor thing was swollen, red and purple, sticky and wet.

I reached for some tissues on the bedside table and wiped it several times.

Sigh, it seems that sometimes just wiping it with tissues and leaving is a last resort.

I went downstairs first; I was afraid the person picking my daughter up might change their mind and not wait at the intersection, and I'd bump into them and be exposed.

If she could really get married, it would be better than being a mistress or a lover.

My daughter's destiny is my heart's desire. ( This

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[To be continued]

) (This post was edited by hu34520 on 2015-10-23 11:49)

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【Those Years, Those Things—Daughter's Perspective】【Author: udsodoo】

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