If you don't love me, let me go.

Recently, after she deleted me on WeChat, I deleted hers too, along with all our chat history from the first day.
Out of about 20 people I've slept with, she was the oldest, most educated, had a respectable government job, drove the best car, and had a perfect "steamed bun" (a slang term for a large, round, protruding vagina). She was also the most comfortable for me; we could do all sorts of positions, have sex, hug and cuddle, and then have sex again—oral, 69, internal ejaculation—she didn't even need me to use a condom. She wasn't stunningly beautiful, just above average, and her figure wasn't perfect either; she was a little chubby but had a flat stomach, which was understandable given her youth.
We met last year when my relationship with my wife was at its worst; we even had a fight and called the police, separated, and I felt exhausted and defeated. Then I downloaded a certain app; her profile was empty, and she had a "scholar" tag. I was always straightforward: height, weight, education, income, relationship status—all roughly the same. I also listed my hobbies and interests, emphasizing that I wouldn't talk about things I wouldn't discuss without voice or face-to-face interaction. Perhaps things didn't seem so bad then; she might like my posts or reply, and I would respond politely. Then, things got casual, and we started talking on the phone. I gradually learned that her work hours weren't the typical 9-to-5, and I learned about her education, etc. She liked to sing, and on the phone, she sang "So Many People in This World" for me.
We arranged to meet, and she didn't refuse. We suggested watching the sunset locally, not far from my house. The meeting went well; we chatted and took a walk, then she treated me to dinner, which cost about 200 yuan. During dinner, we talked about our relationships. She didn't want children, and her relationship with her husband was okay, except he was overweight and indifferent, sometimes not having sex for months. Feeling there was an opportunity, she suggested we go to her car after dinner. I told her my house was nearby, and she hesitated for a moment before going.
The first time we met alone, she was a little reserved; we just hugged and left. We quickly arranged a second meeting. Finally, we took off our clothes and showered openly. I learned her husband was her only man. Finally, I carried her to bed, and upon seeing her perfect breasts, I was overjoyed. But when I penetrated her, she cried out in pain. I was puzzled; she wasn't a virgin anymore. She said mine was much bigger. I felt both embarrassed and proud. However, I was still too nervous, afraid she would stop at any moment, afraid there wouldn't be a next time, so I only thought about ejaculating as quickly as possible. Of course, she wouldn't ejaculate inside, asking me to ejaculate in her mouth, but I felt embarrassed and ejaculated on her stomach anyway. After that, she frequently asked me out. After all, I still have a family, and I was a bit overwhelmed. Once, I used a condom, and after I ejaculated, the condom went soft and fell inside. When I took it out, it leaked a little. I was afraid she was pregnant, and I was very anxious. I said if she was pregnant, I would have an abortion, but she was very unhappy and said she wanted to give birth. I was very surprised, and she said that we should cherish and respect life. I asked what would happen to her husband, and she said that she could just get a divorce. I was surprised and delighted, feeling that she was really invested, but I was also worried that I was getting too involved. We mostly met at my place, until one time when her husband was away on a business trip, and she agreed to let me go to her place because she couldn't stay overnight; she had to video chat with her husband that night. I went over and hid in the corner of the living room while she finished her video chat with her husband. We started taking a shower together, and then I carried her to her bed. We spent the whole night waking up and doing it, then going back to sleep. I felt like I was ten years younger! Especially the woman-on-top position, which I used to be terrified of, was completely unbearable with her, but it was very harmonious and enjoyable. In the morning, after leaving her house, I even went to the window to take pictures of the lake view outside. This was the only time I ever stayed at someone's house. Before, when I stayed overnight, they always stayed in hotels or rented apartments. Once, I stayed at someone's house until almost 11 pm when my husband called the police and made a huge scene.
Gradually, she became more and more dependent on me, and her desire to control was too strong. She would get upset even if my wife and I ate dumplings together, saying that we shouldn't eat together since we were separated. Actually, I argued with my wife for over a month, and she eventually gave in and let me go back, and then we had sex. I didn't dare tell her. Gradually, it became unbearable. She demanded instant replies on WeChat, at most within ten minutes. Then, since her work hours were flexible, I would sneak away during those times, often during the afternoon work hours. She became increasingly critical of me, and even cried in front of me and on the phone, which terrified me. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who absolutely refuses to be morally blackmailed. I only agreed to be together; I'd pay for meals, no need for a hotel room. I couldn't offer her much more, and she wasn't short of money—she wouldn't even accept a 520 yuan red envelope. But she wanted me to follow her work schedule; when she was free, I either had to meet her or constantly text her, which I couldn't do. Gradually, we started to clash, and then she started nitpicking about what to eat when we met, and eventually, she deleted me. A couple of days later, she added me back, and I just went along with it. I understand that she's actually lacking in love; although she shares a bed with her husband and they eat and live together, she still has unsatisfied desires for him. But what I can give her can't possibly cover everything for her. She says I'm selfish, self-centered, and live in my own world. I've always maintained that I don't hurt anyone and try my best to give her happiness, joy, and orgasms when we're together, yet she still says I'm insensitive and can't provide her with emotional support at all times. I'm a bit annoyed; I feel like she's crossed the line. Although I'm looking for casual sex, I'm also picky; I could never be interested in someone unreliable. I was also afraid that if she got angry and things escalated, why bother creating trouble for myself? Then she deleted me, so let's just go our separate ways. She always wanted me to change, to cater to her, and then she was disappointed. I always emphasized that she didn't need to change anything for me; we should each follow our own nature, and we just happened to like each other. Except for my age, I'm better than her husband in every other way—physical strength, education, assets, and job. I haven't made any demands on her; I often treat her like a junior and don't hold grudges. Yet, she's the one who tries to dictate my life.
Why bother? Let's just let go.

[The End]

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If you don't love me, let me go.

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