Enjoying infidelity

My wife and I were high school classmates. From dating to marriage to having children, we've broken up and gotten back together over the past ten years. We've broken up countless times and reconciled countless times. Now, things have become mundane and we're tired of it all; it's just about living together and going through the motions. Because of the nature of my work, I live in the countryside most of the year, only able to come back on weekends and occasional holidays. My wife takes care of the house and the children most of the time, and I know it's not easy for her. But sometimes, feelings are strange things; when they come, you can't stop them. Two years ago, I unintentionally reconnected with another high school classmate, a woman. We gradually started contacting each other more often. Perhaps it was because of loneliness and emptiness, or perhaps it was to prove my charm, but I chatted with her every day, about everything. I don't know if she was unhappy in her life, but she seemed quite responsive to my flirting. It felt like a second spring, like I'd rediscovered my youthful energy. Gradually, I became dissatisfied with just chatting; I wanted something to happen between us. Later, one spring evening, I lied to my wife, saying I was working overtime and wouldn't be home, so I went to pick her up from work. We took a walk together on the street; it was a bit chilly, and we tacitly agreed to go to a hotel. At first, she resisted, but slowly, under my persistent and gentle caresses, she finally surrendered. Hearing her moans, I was filled with energy, wanting nothing more than to possess her, to fuck her, to let her ride me.
After this experience, I started frequently lying to my wife, saying I had social engagements or was working overtime, wanting only to be with her every day. Outside of work, my mind was filled with her, thinking of her gentleness, her tenderness; my heart was in agony, like a cat scratching at me, yet I was also worried about my wife finding out. It was a bittersweet experience. This blissful time only lasted a little over a year before my wife found out. We had a huge fight; she threatened divorce, and I begged and pleaded, repeatedly promising to stop seeing her. Slowly, life seemed to return to what it was before. Once life calmed down, I started thinking about her again and contacted her again. Perhaps she had also developed feelings for me, and we quickly became intimate again. Not long after, my wife found out. (Why am I so unlucky?) She also found out about our hotel trysts. She threatened to go to both of our workplaces. I didn't want others to know about these shameful things, I didn't want to lose my career, and I certainly didn't want to drag her into the public eye and have her criticized. All I could do was protect her from the harm. So I tried my best to meet all of my wife's demands and appease her anger. My life is a mess now. In the quiet of the night, I still think about her. For her, I have to leave this home, but I don't want to lose my family and son, nor do I want my son to grow up amidst gossip. So I have no choice but to give her up. Every time I think about this, my heart aches.
I've never dared to say these things to anyone in real life, but being able to post them on the forum today makes me feel much better. Thank you all for reading my ramblings, thank you!

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Enjoying infidelity

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