Widow's Diary

I. Introduction
II. Fluttering
Hearts III. The Trap of Lust IV
. Ecstasy in Dreams
V. New Love and Old Hatred
I. Introduction
No one is perfect; everyone makes mistakes, especially ordinary people like us.
There are no perfect people in the world; everyone has strengths, weaknesses, and flaws.
We should only judge a person by their strengths. If we were to be so meticulous, there would be no perfect person in society.
"Women" are God's masterpiece, and a topic of great interest and concern for men everywhere.
Don't you see some young and beautiful women on the street wearing increasingly revealing clothes, eventually leading to a path of undeniably sexy "yellow" attire?
Even the toughest man will succumb to their charms,
and then pull out his wallet to enjoy "skin-to-skin contact."
From a erotic perspective, men are more prone to falling into fantasies.
For example, when a man sees a woman wearing a thin, slightly see-through shirt, he immediately imagines her body, curves, breasts, thighs, and so on. After all, men are highly sensitive visual creatures.
Therefore, many women, having grasped men's psychological weaknesses, use all sorts of tricks and schemes to seduce men and trick them into handing over their money in order to satisfy their visual desires.
In any case, it all ends with "stomach to stomach" and "legs within legs."
In short: life is short, so don't wait until there are no flowers left to pluck.
Friend! What are your thoughts?
"Madame Li" was a famous wealthy widow and a unique beauty in high society.
She was youthful, passionate, and intelligent, but she still couldn't escape the two words "love and desire," which are the most difficult to overcome in life.
The following is her private diary, told in a gentle and detailed manner, full of witty remarks and candid, truly a bold work.
II. My Heart Flutters with Springtime
From this day forward, I am a widow.
Becoming a widow at twenty-four, the thought of the long, desolate, and miserable years to come sends chills down my spine.
Our society has a peculiar view of young widows, more demanding than of virgins, more cruel than of elderly women.
Especially peculiar is my inheritance of hundreds of millions: a mansion, a seaside villa, two luxury cars, some jewelry, five or six servants, and two purebred wolfhounds.
This naturally increases people's schadenfreude towards me; they coldly watch how I will spend my remaining years, how long I'll live a carefree life.
Because my deceased husband clearly stated in his will: before I turn fifty, I can access the annual interest of 1.5 million; if I remarry before that date, my heirship rights will automatically be forfeited.
Only a drunkard like this would come up with such a "wicked" condition!
He doesn't seem to realize that I've only been married to him for a few years, and we've never truly had a joyful married life
. He loves wine glasses and bottles more than my slender waist and rosy cheeks, and my alluring eyes, in his eyes, are less appealing than a bottle of brandy that makes him dizzy!
The past few years of living widowhood have been enough; how can I endure the next twenty-six years of dead widowhood?
In my anger, I really want to throw away this huge inheritance and that terrible title of "Mrs. Li"!
But then, upon reflection, how can I bear to part
with "money! money! money!" It's the most important and essential thing in the world! Without it, my youth, passion, and beauty will all become commodities to be sold.
If I were more open-minded, smarter, and abandoned formalism for practical benefits, wouldn't my wealth be able to buy many of the things I need?
Buying and selling, being proactive and being passive—the difference between the two is so vast. Why shouldn't I choose the former
? I shouldn't have been so hasty!
In any case, the dead man and I were husband and wife, so I should at least observe the full three-year mourning period for him. No! Three years is too long!
How about a year? A hundred days? At least the full forty-nine days would be better. Sigh! I'll grit my teeth and endure another forty-nine days! The plum rains keep falling, and dark clouds have appeared in the sky—a truly deathly atmosphere.
Even so, I can't shed a single tear, nor can I cultivate genuine grief.
So, I'll hide alone in my room, watching the drizzle fall.
The whole house is silent; the servants and even the two wolfhounds have probably gone to the funeral home with the dead man.
The thought of being alone in this building makes me a little scared.
But on the other hand, wouldn't it be ideal if a close friend came to visit in the rain?
Here we go again! I hate myself for being so unable to control myself.
Although it was just imagination, once the idea took hold, it became a bridge to practice.
For these forty-nine days, it was best not to even think about it; otherwise, I would be even less able to control myself.
The rain suddenly intensified, water gushing from the floor near the long window, gradually soaking the carpet.
I threw off the covers, jumped out of bed, ran to close the long window, feeling a damp chill on my bare feet and body.
I casually pressed the call button to have them wipe the floor dry.
Looking out through the water-drenched window, the surroundings were shrouded in a misty haze, a scene that captivated my attention.
I don't know how much time passed before I turned back.
"Mrs. Li!" The driver, Ah Cai, stood hesitantly in the half-open doorway, his eyes drooping and blinking, his expression very peculiar.
"What are you doing here?"
I was somewhat displeased by his impolite attitude.
"Mrs. Li..."
"Just call me Mrs. from now on, no need for any profanity!"
"Yes."
He gave me another harsh look.
"Madam, didn't they all go to the funeral home after you rang the bell, leaving me alone? I think Madam is probably going to the funeral home to check on the mourning hall, so..."
"I'm not going there... You wipe these water stains dry!"
"Yes, Madam Li!"
"Go get a dry cloth! Why are you looking at me like that?
" "Yes..."
He still didn't leave, his eyes searching my body like a searchlight.
I looked down at myself, and to my surprise, what I saw made me blush and my heart pound like a deer.
I always wore my nightgown in the bedroom without underwear, and the nightgown was made of light, lake-green silk, even more transparent than nylon.
Usually, apart from my two wolfhounds, no man was ever allowed into my bedroom, so there had never been any awkward situations.
Unexpectedly, on the third day after the dead man's death, Ah Cai ran in by accident and got a good look at me.
I was angry, ashamed, and......pleasant.
Men's gaze is truly peculiar; it crawls all over me like a snake, heating up wherever it goes.
When it stops, that spot becomes even hotter, as if it's about to melt.
This strange feeling left me unable to move or utter a sound, and so did Ah Cai.
What force had made him so bold, forgetting even his usual manners and etiquette?
I don't know if seconds, minutes, or moments flew by. If this continued, the consequences would be unimaginable.
Because people's patience has its limits; once those limits are broken, it's unstoppable.
Just at the critical moment, a car horn sounded below the window, followed by the screech of brakes on the concrete road in the garden.
I glanced at Ah Cai; his face flushed, he hurriedly retreated through the door, muttering, "It must be Miss Zhao coming to pick up Madam. I'll go see!"
Only after Ah Cai's figure disappeared around the corner did I feel relieved, but also wistful. Ah! People are always so contradictory.
I bit my lip and turned to look out the window, only to see that it wasn't Zhao Xiaoman stepping out of the new Cadillac, but her brother, Zhao Limin.
Just then, he looked up and smiled and waved at me.
I quickly covered my chest with the curtains, even though he might not be able to see me clearly, but I felt it was the right thing to do.
He had already rushed up the stone steps in the rain and was out of sight, so I slowly let down the curtains, quickly grabbed a morning robe and put it on, then glanced at myself in the mirror, feeling refreshed, and went downstairs satisfied.
Limin was standing in the living room. When he saw me, he came to greet me, took my hands, and whispered, "I'm so sad..."
His voice was so pleasant, low and soft, it went straight to my heart.
He was wearing a brand-new gray "Aolong" suit, perfect for mourning.
Paired with his jet-black hair and eyes, his face, neck, and hands looked even whiter than jade. My hands were hidden in his palms, a warm and smooth feeling washing over me, making me reluctant to pull them away. What was
even more captivating was that he stared intently down at me, trying to catch my gaze, perhaps even trying to catch my heart.
My heart is adrift, without a place to rest.
I wish he would always kiss me and embrace me with that look in his eyes.
What an ideal state that would be, where I could cast aside all important matters, consider all consequences, and even die without caring.
The sage said, "If I hear the Way in the morning, I can die content in the evening!"
But I interpret it as: If I gain love during the day, it would be worth dying for at night!
Limin, that kid, truly lives up to his reputation as a master of romance; he suddenly let go of my hand, his eyes drooping. The worldly-wise man said, "Sister-in-law, you should accept this loss and take care of yourself first, then handle the funeral arrangements properly... They asked me to pick you up and take you to the funeral home, saying that you have to make all the decisions."
I suddenly felt a chill, and composed myself, saying, "Of course I'll go, but I don't know anything about those things. Uncle and Aunt can handle it."
"They've taken care of everything, just waiting for you to review it, because it's your decision. Sister-in-law, let's go!"
"Okay, I'll go change my clothes, sorry to trouble you."
"Please."
He struck a pose like a celebrity, regaining his usual playful demeanor.
I remembered Ah Cai's expression as he closed the car door for us, his dark face showing disappointment, loneliness, even jealousy.
I felt sorry for him.
Li Min drove around in circles, chatting with me casually.
I was as nervous as a girl on her first date, afraid to get close to him.
But every pore and cell in my body was open to him, hoping he would be braver and bring me unprecedented joy.
Before I knew it, the car had entered a mountainous area flanked by cliffs. I recognized it; it didn't look like the city. I couldn't help but exclaim, "This is the road to Yangmingshan!"
"Yes! I just wanted to stroll around Yangmingshan in the rain. Sister-in-law, don't you like it?"
"I like it too, but they're all waiting for us. It's not really appropriate!"
He suddenly stopped the car, and I leaned forward, feeling the window pressing against my face.
In a flash, a hand grabbed my right shoulder, steadying my forward momentum and allowing me to lean back comfortably.
I regained my composure and realized the hand on my right shoulder was still there. The heat emanating from his palm burned my skin, causing a slight tremor—neither pleasure nor pain.
Involuntarily, I turned around following his hand. Now we sat facing each other, our eyes barely a foot apart.
I couldn't avoid his gaze; a strange light flickered in his dark eyes, conveying a silent message.
The two combined into one force, causing me to completely shed my former solemnity.
"Yu Xuan!" He called my nickname for the first time.
My drooping eyelids quickly rolled back up, expecting him to continue, but he didn't speak, instead gently stroking my cheek with his gaze.
"Yu Xuan..."
Li Min's voice was filled with pain.
I quickly grasped his hand, then felt I was being too impulsive, but relaxing made it even more obvious, so I just held it lightly.
This gave him courage again, and he turned his hand around to hold mine, and then I found myself in his arms.
His left arm encircled my waist, and his right hand gently slid up my arm, across my shoulder and neck, then back down from the back of my head, landing on my cheek, gently rubbing and twisting it.
I had to close my eyes, ashamed to see him caressing me so freely.
He touched this and flicked that as if he had just acquired an antique he had longed for for many years, as if he had poured his whole life into it.
Like a mouse trapped under a cat's paw, I endured his teasing. When he finally satisfied, I would, as usual, open my mouth and bite.
I was just waiting for that bite. He certainly remembered how his sister-in-law had rejected him time and time again two years ago…
As I expected, the cat's whiskers reached out.
It was his rapid breathing. Then, I felt a heat, a wetness on my lips. My lips, like a collapsing dam, were powerless to resist the onslaught of drops of water, letting the fountain of love gush forth freely.
A girl's palms are also sensitive.
My palm touched his hot, firm member, and my whole body felt a burning heat.
I had been holding it very lightly, but somehow, slowly, hazily, I gradually tightened my grip…
Perhaps it was a woman's innate instinct, but my hand clenched into a fist, grasping that member, and began to move it up and down.
He pulled me into his arms, then suddenly lowered his head, nestling against my soft, warm breasts like a little baby, and began to suckle at the tip of my nipple.
He held my nipple gently, then firmly, biting and chewing.
I felt both itchy and aching, this tingling, bone-chilling itch felt like a thousand ants crawling into my veins.
He had aroused me to the point of ecstasy, and I couldn't help myself. I felt an extreme emptiness, and an unsettling itch that seemed to linger in every cell of my body.
He kissed every part of my body, finally lowering his head slowly to my lower abdomen.
As his tongue moved closer to my "forbidden zone," further exploring it, I felt a jolt of electricity, and my whole body trembled.
Limin lifted his head from between my legs, a conqueror's smile on his face: "Yuxuan, I believe you won't be able to hold back."
I smiled sweetly at him and crossed my legs.
He began to possess me, and I pretended to be excited, making sounds of surprise and pain, as if I couldn't take it anymore.
Actually, I was in ecstasy, constantly moaning.
"Mmm...you're so good, you're making me feel so good, I'm so full, it's so tight inside, I haven't felt this good in so long."
The long period of abstinence was driving me crazy. After
a while, I saw Limin's glans burning red and hot, growing larger and harder with each thrust. It pressed against my vulva, leaving no gap.
He thrust wildly, like a thunderstorm, making my vagina wide open, my heart blooming with joy, and my juices flowing freely.
It felt like it had been a long time since I'd felt this way; my desire had already sublimated, and within ten minutes I had orgasmed twice.
In the past two or three years, that devil hadn't given me this much pleasure.
This time, we were as unrestrained as possible.
He thrust deep into my heart, and I quickly swayed my hips to match his movements. My heart pounded wildly, it was intoxicating.
"Hmm..."
I felt a sharp pain in my lower body: "I...I can't take it anymore...Hurry up and thrust harder...harder..."
As soon as I finished speaking, a surge of heat shot out...
The desire that had been building up in our hearts for half a year was finally satisfied.
At that moment, heaven and earth, the sun and moon, the wind and rain, the flowers and grass all lost their meaning. The only things that existed were him and me, even our bodies ceased to exist: life was calling out, souls were embracing...
In a daze, I do
n't know how much time passed. Suddenly, a clap of thunder startled us awake. Then, purely out of fear, I threw myself into his arms.
"Don't be afraid! That's just the rumbling thunder that often occurs during the rainy season,"
he said softly, patting me tenderly.
I knew, but I was afraid because of the ancient legend of "thunder at its extreme."
Her husband had been dead for only a few dozen hours, and now his wife had exposed her body to another man and been caressed by yet another.
If the gods were aware, they would surely target her.
This was my reason for fear, and the excuse I made when I hid in his arms.
The thunder had passed, but the rumbling echoed in my ears.
I slightly raised my head, revealing half an eye. I whispered, "Are you alright?"
"What…"
"The thunder god didn't hit us."
"How could you have turned into a child!"
He grinned, revealing a mouthful of white teeth, then ran his fingers along my waist: "Yu Xuan, I guess your waist is twenty-one…"
"Don't do that."
I chuckled, twisting my waist: "You have a good eye; you must have studied tailoring!"
"I, as a tailor, don't need a measuring tape; I can tell clearly just by wrapping my arms around my waist."
"You're very experienced," I said resentfully.
"Thank you!" he said flippantly. "Come on, Yuxuan!"
Just as our lips were about to touch, I suddenly and forcefully broke free from his embrace.
"What's wrong with you..."
"Nothing."
He pounced on me.
His face was flushed, and his eyes radiated youthful passion.
I blushed too, my heart pounding.
At that moment, he seemed "not quite done," his forehead glowing.
Naturally, he shifted his gaze from my face downwards.
Then, he lowered his head and, with his burning lips, greedily kissed my cheeks, my breasts, and my legs.
I let out a soft sigh, thinking, "It's come to this, I can't stop now." Let him caress me, let him enjoy himself!
A minute or two later, my whole body was hot, my knees began to tremble, and I felt something new and exciting surging within my soul.
And his lips moved downwards again, gently kissing my vulva. He bit down on the clitoris, gently chewing it. My
vagina opened slightly.
Seeing that the time was right, he held me tightly, his dry lips almost sparkling.
I tried to push him away, but I couldn't muster any strength and could no longer defend myself.
In a daze, his blood-filled, thick, hard penis finally rushed in wildly, and in the blink of an eye, we were one.
The second time was wilder and more vigorous than the first.
My heart tingled, itched, and my whole body went limp.
His big penis slowly went in and out, gently rubbing the edges of my vulva, and then thrust in and out hundreds of times. The vaginal fluids in my vagina exploded like a series of rapid bursts, flying everywhere.
Limin's entire lower body was soaking wet; both of our lower abdomens were drenched in water, almost like a vast ocean.
"Ah...hot...burning..."
I cried out incoherently, unable to catch my breath.
Amidst the myriad lights of the city, we finally staggered to the funeral home.
III. The Trap of Lust
A gust of wind carried the fine rain, each gust more intense than the last, pounding against the windowpane. The splashing water sped up, mirroring my heart's oscillations between extremes, unable to find its center.
Actually, I was foolish. Knowing full well that Limin was a typical playboy, why bother about his experience with women's waistlines?
Whether he had one woman or a hundred, what difference did it make to me
? Thinking this, I realized I had gone too far and couldn't help but glance at him sideways.
He immediately noticed, still driving nonchalantly, looking ahead.
He whispered, "Yuxuan, I'll come see you again tomorrow."
He said it with such certainty, as if I were his mistress.
I was a little angry and shook my head, saying, "I need to rest these few days. Besides, what we're doing will just give others something to talk about. It's not worth it for anyone."
"We're cousins. Can't I come to comfort you, keep you company, and ease your sorrow and loneliness?"
"But, a man and a woman alone together," I said, "is seen as sinful in the eyes of the world." "
Why bother with them! Is there anyone truly innocent in this world, especially in our wealthy family? Even our cats and dogs might not be clean. Let them talk! We'll mind our own business... Yu Xuan, do you know how short life is? Youth fades!"
On the surface, I remained cold and aloof, refusing to be swayed by his words, and unwilling to surrender to his attack.
"We're here," he said. "Go in!"
The car was already parked at the funeral home entrance. I was dazed and didn't know when we had arrived. After a pause, I asked, "Aren't you going in?"
"I'll come see you tomorrow!" he said very gently.
"No!" came the weakest protest.
"Don't say no! You need me. I know you really want to see me, so why make things difficult for yourself, Yu Xuan? You and I are both born ladies' men, neither of us will lose out, we're a perfect match."
I immediately got out of the car, slammed the door shut, and walked inside without looking back.
Even so, I could still hear him say behind me, "See you tomorrow, Yu Xuan..."
I was softened by that gentle voice again.
I stopped and listened to him leave, the wheels of his car seemed to crush me, pulverizing me, but taking my whole heart with them.
Looking up, the white banners and white flags reflected a gloomy scene, it was truly terrifying!
I wished I didn't have to go in; those rows and rows of incense, candles, funerary objects, and corpses, how could I bear it?
What I couldn't bear even more was the strange looks from the male and female relatives, but I had to go in. Otherwise, cold gossip would fly everywhere. They would say I was a heartless woman, unwilling to even look at my husband's body one last time.
I mustered my courage and strode inside.
If I can get through this ordeal, I'll have a 70% chance of securing happiness for the rest of my life, because this world is one that bullies the weak and fears the strong.
I must become strong, ignore what others think, and do what I love.
My husband is dead; no one can interfere with me anymore. I am now a free woman.
On the day of Li Laosan's burial, a light drizzle fell, creating a somber atmosphere at the gravesite. Mounds of yellow earth, newly polished white stone tombstones, the chilly wind, the gray clouds, and the drizzling plum rains all combined to create a scene reminiscent of a funeral for fallen flowers.
The person we are burying now is a useless man who lived without glory and died without sorrow.
Today is his last chance to receive flattery; tomorrow, no one will remember him.
Some monks were chanting scriptures, but I couldn't understand them and had no interest in listening.
I was looking down at my newly tailored mourning clothes to see if they fit properly, at the water droplets on the grass at my feet, and at the little yellow flowers swaying in the wind.
Someone approached me from behind, a strange heat making me tremble.
Without turning around, I knew it was the driver, Ah Cai; he'd been holding an umbrella over me, and now it was lowered over my head, and he was right next to me.
If I told him to move away, he would immediately move several feet away!
But I didn't. Why bother?
I'd just pretend I didn't notice.
A man's body temperature is truly wondrous! Like a half-cool, half-warm iron moving across thin silk, a smooth, snug comfort!
I enjoyed it, secretly lifting my eyelids.
The edge of the umbrella was just above my eyebrows, a perfect cover so my careless relatives wouldn't notice I was spying.
But for the observant, seeing my face reflected in the blue silk, and my eyes, they would be utterly captivated.
Who was the observant one?
He stood not far away, head bowed, eyes slightly raised—it was none other than my nemesis from a past life, Zhao Limin.
His gaze was so greedy that I dared not make eye contact with him constantly.
Would he have noticed Ah Cai's rudeness and become jealous, or would he be grieving because I had broken our promise that day? In
any case, his eyes burned with a fire, a flame composed of all emotions and desires, blazing straight into my heart.
The monk was reciting the last few lines of scripture, always saying how good the dead man was, summoned by the Jade Emperor to return home and rest, and that he should go to heaven, and so on.
I couldn't help but cry when I heard this. If people like Li Laosan could go to heaven and become immortals, then probably no one in the world would go to hell after death.
I could do whatever I wanted without having to worry about that final judgment.
After the ceremony, everyone gathered around to comfort me, saying things like "please accept your grief and take care of yourself" as usual.
I pretended to be dazed, nodding but not saying or moving, which made me look like a grieving widow!
Finally, Zhao Limin came up, and even before he got close, he brought an unusual feeling. I lowered my head, half-jokingly.
He approached gently, tenderly and gently taking my right hand in his, squeezing and patting it, without saying a word.
I involuntarily looked up, and this time, his gaze was fixed on me, impossible to escape.
His face, once as white as jade, now appeared a hauntingly pale white under the blue silk umbrella. The wicked smile that always graced his lips was temporarily gone, replaced by a painful self-mockery.
He hadn't opened the umbrella; the drizzle dampened his soft, curly hair, a tuft falling across his forehead, like the dejected look of someone heartbroken.
My heart softened, completely and unreservedly, letting "love" be conveyed in my eyes.
After that, I couldn't remember how Ah Cai was sent away, how Li Min used his sister Wen Jing to invite me to their home,
or what I did or said on the way. I felt
like I was floating in a fog, dazed and languid, completely at the mercy of others. It wasn't
until I arrived at the Zhao family's house, finding several guests already there, that I regained my senses.
Wenjing took my arm and led me inside, whispering in my ear, "Look! Limin specially invited these friends to cheer you up, so you wouldn't worry too much!"
Limin and his sister have a wide circle of friends; some of the six men and women were acquaintances, while others were complete strangers.
Three men and three women included a writer, a musician, a movie star, a producer, and a factory owner.
Whether they knew each other or not, they were all used to fooling around, crowding around and shouting. Some said, "Mrs. Li, don't cry, we'll keep you company, we can play until tomorrow."
I gave a sad smile: "Thank you all."
"Mrs. Li, would you like dancing or playing cards? Whatever you say today, we'll do as you please."
"No!" I answered softly. "Thank you all for your hospitality, I'm already very happy just watching you have fun."
"How can you say these friends are here to cheer you up if you don't say so? How can you leave us out?"
I sat down with a wry smile.
Limin and Wenjing introduced me to the guests.
That was Qin Dongfeng, the factory owner.
And Ruan Xiaozhen, the producer and star.
The musician Tang Tu.
The novelist He Cheng.
The rising star Huang Yingying.
The alluring actress Chen Mali.
Their relationships were intricate and complex, too complicated to explain in a few words. If one were to write their biographies, it could be a million-word epic.
I had no interest in such things, only blaming the Zhao siblings for hiring these monsters to solve my problems.
But soon, I understood.
These men and women each had their own talents, and I was gradually being assimilated by them without even realizing it.
At first, they danced in four pairs, and I sat on the sidelines watching.
The passionate Latin music grew increasingly frenzied, like it was tearing my guts apart, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. When they changed the record, someone stood in front of me—it was He Cheng.
Before I could refuse, he pulled me up and whispered, "Mrs. Li, don't neglect your Mumba steps, let's dance this one."
"I'm a loyal reader of He Cheng's novels, but I don't think he's a good dance partner, especially with newer dances like the Mumba and Dickoco; they're even more ridiculous to dance with."
But he had already wrapped his arms around my waist, and the music had started, so I began to move in step with his feet.
Although he wasn't a good dancer, and he was still a man, and I had heard many stories about his womanizing ways,
I started to flirt with him, unintentionally unleashing my feminine instincts.
"Any new projects lately?" I asked, leaning closer to his chest.
"Don't talk about those things. I'll tell you some news, it's about producer Ms. Ruan Xiaozhen..."
"I already know a lot about Ruan Xiaozhen."
"This is special news, it's about Qin Dongfeng."
My interest was piqued. Qin Dongfeng was from another province, a very successful industrialist, and highly renowned in society. I hadn't heard anything about his romantic affairs.
And this time, he couldn't escape Ruan Xiaozhen's charms! I wanted to hear what was going on.
"So she's already hooked him?" I asked.
"Of course!"
"Ruan Xiaozhen is most effective with men over middle age. You know how she used to drive Old Man Zheng and Wu Siyang crazy. This Qin Dongfeng, though less experienced, was won over by He Bin after a few gestures from her, and he's now completely infatuated with her, a captive at her feet."
"I see you're quite interested in her too," I said, glancing at him with a smile. "Is it that you and Huang Yingying are tired of each other?" "I'm
listening to other people's nonsense. There's nothing between Huang Yingying and me, and there's no need for us to be tired of each other. It's all just rumors. Honestly, Mrs. Li, neither Ruan Xiaozhen, Huang Yingying, Chen Mali, nor even Zhao Wenjing can compare to you. You have the natural beauty and temperament of a princess..."
"You're writing a novel again, Mr. He Cheng," I said softly. "Be careful Miss Huang Yingying doesn't hear this. Let's not talk about these things. I'm just wondering about you men. Take Tang Tu, for example. Does he really know nothing, or does he know but choose not to? Surely he can replace his lover with a piano?"
"Tang Tu has his own methods. He knows he can't beat Ruan Xiaozhen, so he simply ignores everything and maintains a peaceful facade. He's also seeking other opportunities. You can tell by the way he dances with Chen Mali."
I glanced into the room and shook my head. "You artists' lives are truly... truly incredibly glamorous. I think Hollywood's relationships are no better than this! If you could make a movie about this, it would be good enough to compare with them, but you're wasting your time on these frivolous affairs!"
"I don't belong in the film industry! Mrs. Li, don't drag me into this!"
Before I could answer, a musical note stopped. As we parted, I squeezed He Cheng's hand.
I figured this pinch might just bring him ten or eight love letters, wouldn't that be hilarious?
The second song started, and Limin jumped in to dance with me. His usually nonchalant expression suddenly seemed melancholic. His steps weren't as light as usual, and he was silent.
I said, "What's wrong, Limin?"
"Nothing."
"But I smell a hint of resentment on you."
I laughed and pressed myself closer to him.
"Women!" he said, his voice softening.
"Women, what's wrong?" I said. "If you go and provoke them, they won't, and wouldn't, offend you."
"Not offend," he said.
"They're fickle, treating love like a game. For example, our six distinguished guests here—the men are either wealthy or talented, and the women are all more beautiful and charming than flowers. But if you look closely, their relationships are probably not much different from those of primitive humans!"
"Oh!" I laughed.
"Limin, since when did you suddenly become such a gentleman?"
"To the woman I truly love, I have always been a gentleman. I am devoted to her, and I hope she is the same."
"Who is the woman you truly love? Ruan Xiaozhen, Huang Yingying, or that flirtatious, singing Chen Mali?"
Limin's dance suddenly stopped; he was angry.
Honestly, I knew his words were directed at me; he must have already seen He Cheng flirting with me.
I nestled my cheek against his chest and whispered, "Why don't you answer me?"
"Yuxuan…"
His right hand pressed hard against my waist, as if he wanted to swallow me whole.
This call had a captivating quality, perhaps truly coming from the depths of his heart.
"Don't do that!" I gently pushed him away. "People are watching!"
"Are you afraid He Cheng will be unhappy?"
Part 4: Ecstasy in a Dream
"Don't think nonsense! Limin, you have to put yourself in my shoes. My husband was just buried today, and we're already so close!"
"Seriously, Yuxuan!"
He whispered in my ear, "I just want to be close to you, the closer the better..."
His voice and tone were equally seductive, making my heart itch and tingle. I was intoxicated. Intoxicated people don't talk like drunk people. I said, "Limin, I have no sense of humor today, so it's not appropriate for me to listen to your jokes. But you told them very well! Your voice is full of emotion, much better than those aspiring stars or self-proclaimed stars. When did you switch careers to become an actor?"
"It seems that today is the day your sense of humor reaches its peak, and you're using it to resist my infatuation!"
He was right. I was deliberately making fun of him. But it was out of necessity, otherwise it would be too unbecoming of me.
Deep down, I longed to be "clingy" to him!
"When they leave, don't go!"
he said again. "I have so much to tell you. It's been bottled up for too long; if I don't say it soon, I'll suffocate!"
"I don't want to hear it! All that love and clinginess! It's so cheesy! Ruan Xiaozhen loves hearing this. Why don't you go tell her? Besides, I heard she can make men swoon!"
"For you, I'm already swoon-worthy. If you don't pity me, I'm doomed..."
"Are you going crazy or trying to kill yourself?" I asked with a grin.
"You..." His voice trembled, and he couldn't finish.
The music stopped just then, and I gently pushed him away, saying, "Limin, feelings need time to develop." Then I left.
He stood there, lost in thought, like a sleepwalker, oblivious to everything around him.
This made me anxious. What would people think? Would
they say I'd seduced him into this state? While it was indeed a good thing, I didn't want to bear the blame first.
In my haste, I had a sudden inspiration. I slumped onto a sofa and said, "Limin, please find me a bottle of Tiger Balm!"
This shout attracted Limin, Wenjing, and the three men and three women who were guests.
They surrounded me, asking questions, assuming that witnessing joy while still grieving had upset me.
He Cheng was especially attentive, touching my forehead and palms—truly a charming and romantic man.
I deliberately smiled shyly and thanked him, partly to provoke Limin, and partly to incite Huang Yingying's jealousy, hoping He Cheng would apologize profusely.
I soon sat up.
Limin, however, used this opportunity to dismiss the guests, even sending Wenjing away, instantly turning what should have been a grand gathering into a chaotic mess.
Now only Limin and I were left in the room. I felt a mix of fear and excitement.
I wondered how he would proceed with the next act.
The curtain was slowly rising, and so was the curtain of my heart, and time was quickly slipping away as dusk approached…
In the deep courtyard of the Zhao family mansion, it seemed only Limin and I remained. Dusk arrived like a drunkard, swaying in the breeze.
There was a watery warmth in the air, resonating with my senses.
The shadows of trees cast long shadows on the window screen, and the colorful lanterns flickered dimly in the luxurious house.
This scene, especially for a newly widowed woman, evoked countless emotions.
I sat slightly askew, waiting for Limin's next move.
If he did nothing but bury himself under the lamp, meticulously reading the sports news in the evening paper, it meant that I held less importance in his heart than a football or a horse.
Several times, I decided to turn away, but finally, I held my breath and stayed.
I knew this was his trick; he wanted to leave himself an excuse to shirk responsibility later.
Then he could say: "Look!" I didn't want to do this, but you forced me to, and I can't let you lose face!
So here I am, determined to see who wins!
It's utterly quiet. The ticking of the clock in the next hall sounds like train wheels, station after station, moving forward relentlessly.
I'd be more than willing, hoping to stop at a small station, then station after station, until the final destination.
But Limin still has that lifeless, listless air about him, making you want to bite him!
This is a contest of endurance, weighing the weight of patience on the scales of desire. Whoever has the heavier weight can control the entire game of love, enjoying more and giving less.
He understands, and I understand too—a stalemate!
Time inevitably slows down in a stalemate, feeling like an eternity to me, when in reality it's just a few minutes and seconds.
The clock in the hall chimes loudly—it's 8:30!
Dusk is almost over, and what follows is a long night. A period of time belonging to love.
Limin slowly put down the evening paper. I saw his face; his gaze was blank, and he looked completely uneasy.
I smiled inwardly! He was more anxious and more tormented than I was. I knew I had won this match.
Completely won.
A self-deprecating smile flickered across my lips; he was ready to surrender. His clear eyes glistened with tears, and his voice was like a captivating melody…
“Yuxuan.”
I looked up, giving him a silent reply.
“Yuxuan.” He sat up straight and said.
“Why aren’t you saying anything? Are you angry with me or…”
I smiled, still remaining silent.
He panicked, hurriedly standing up, abandoning his usual composure, rushing to me and squatting down, looking up at me like a child seeking favor. He called softly, "Yu Xuan..."
"Mmm..."
"Yu Xuan, if anyone has offended you, blame me! If I have unintentionally made you unhappy, please forgive me! Even if you want to hit me, raise your little fist high and let it fall gently. You won't really hit me! Right, Yu Xuan..."
This boy is really something, combining singing and acting. This completely dispelled my reserve. I couldn't resist his gaze, letting his infinitely gentle eyes pierce my heart like a sharp blade, gently stirring it.
Then, my hand was in his palm, my knees rested on his chin, and my heart was bound to his heart.
"Yu Xuan!"
A dreamlike, infatuated voice.
"Mmm..."
I heard my own voice sound like a dream.
"Yu Xuan..."
The voice suddenly reached my ears.
Then a heat spread across my cheeks, a jolt of surprise ran through my body, and my lips trembled with moisture.
I couldn't control myself. My face and body were pressed as close as possible, but it still wasn't enough. I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tightly. Lips to lips, body to body, heart to heart, we were all embracing.
The flames of desire were burning fiercely, ready to explode once the ignition point was lit!
My hand touched his thick, hot member, my face flushed, and my heart pounded.
To be honest, what makes a woman lose her mind and her heart flutter is that part of a man's body, and of course, I was no exception.
"Yu Xuan..." he breathed softly.
A soft, warm hand moved from my back to my chest, trembling and groping...
Taking advantage of my burning passion, he thrust his hard member inside... so forcefully... I felt so good...
"Ah... ah... you... you..." I looked at him in shock.
It was too late. We were already tightly connected, and at the "bud" of our bodies, there was not a single bit left.
I was swollen, swollen and full.
He was swollen, erect and proud.
Our bodies became a torrent, a surge of passion, every nerve trembling. It
was so pleasurable, one orgasm after another, the devil had never given me such pleasure in all these years.
He suddenly became rough, and I knew what it was. I immediately cooperated with him, squeezing my legs tightly around his waist and thrusting my hips upwards, faster and faster.
He was panting like a bull, his violent squeezing and shaking making constant "plop plop" sounds, my vulva tingling and tingling, my little hole almost "played" through by him.
At this moment, I felt much lighter, floating up and down, as if I were flying.
I was paralyzed, not wanting to move or make a sound, my entire being a blank, longing for something to fill it.
Then, his hand moved down to his chest, pausing at his waist for a moment, as if considering something, like a million-strong army being deployed before a decisive battle, cautious and meticulous, fearing that he might not be able to crush the enemy in one fell swoop.
I twisted my waist, feigning complete nonchalance.
Coincidentally, as I twisted my waist, his hand slipped, like an explorer suddenly losing his footing on a mountain peak and falling right into a bottomless abyss.
It was an incomparable heat, a thirsty tension, and a longing for the nourishment and filling of rain. As a result, eyes squinted, face flushed, heart pounding, breath quickened—we were truly intoxicated.
Limin's body trembled, and so did my soul. Undoubtedly, he was passionate and gentle. But not strong enough to give me the feeling of destruction, and how I needed destruction now!
In the wind, in the clouds, in the rain, in the fog… all sorts of wondrous sensations rushed into my heart, the dreams of so many days! Memories from so long ago!
From girlhood to widowhood, those vibrant years have slipped away. Is this a recapture or just an illusion?
Whether real or not, I want to, and am eager to, enjoy this moment, unwilling to let it slip away again.
"A second bloom," and so my sweaty, throbbing hands gradually move, from my outer garment to my inner garment, pressing against my skin, twisting and turning like an iron.
At the same time, my lips and tongue are not at rest either, pressing, twisting, and swirling, like a surging spring tide, like drifting plum rain, soaking everything.
Time and space were all illusions; neither I nor I existed. The only vacuum was the fiery passion.
The cool, resonant tolling of the church bells rang out again.
I had to regain a portion of my lost consciousness. Driven by instinct, I struggled slightly to avoid him.
He pressed closer, his hands and tongue groping as he smugly said, "Stop pretending! Yu Xuan..."
These words were a bolt from the blue, a sudden, powerful blow. Most of my consciousness returned at once.
I heard myself let out a cold laugh, as cold as ice, filled with anger, hatred, and shame.
Then I regained the strength to resist. I braced my hands against his chest, straightened my back, and pushed him away, causing him to fall onto the carpet.
"What's wrong, Yu Xuan? You're really strange!"
"I'm not strange at all. I just still have a little self-respect and a sense of shame, that's all!"
"But I didn't... insult you! Why are you so angry..."
He held out his hands, gesturing for me to help him up.
I helped him up halfway, and as soon as he was off the ground, I quickly let go and stood up to leave.
"Ah! Ouch! You've hurt yourself."
Realizing his self-inflicted injury hadn't worked, he immediately rolled over and got up.
"Yu Xuan, don't go! I apologize! It's my fault, I offended you..."
"No, young master!" As I left, I turned back and said, "Keep those sweet words for others to hear!"
"Yu Xuan..."
His calls were still enchanting, but to me they sounded like a venomous snake from mythology that would kill me if I agreed.
I rushed out the door in fear and anger.
The drizzle on my face made it look like I had just cried.
I knew I wouldn't cry.
Although at that moment, my heart longed to cry my heart out, to let all my grievances flow out with my tears.
But I couldn't. Even if I had to cry, I had to leave this place. I couldn't let that damned Zhao Limin see me.
The sky was dark and the road seemed endless. The sycamore leaves on both sides rustled in the heavy rain, providing natural cover.
The road was so desolate that I walked for five minutes on the sidewalk without seeing a single car.
Luckily, there was a public phone booth, so I immediately hid inside, partly to avoid the rain, and partly to call a car. Wouldn't it be better to have Ah Cai drive me to pick me up?
Ah Cai probably hated me all day.
As I made the call, I imagined Ah Cai's dark face and muscular body—that was a real man.
At my age and status, I should love a real man, not mess around with that weirdo Zhao Limin
. He was just a young girl's boyfriend!
"Hello! This is the Li Mansion."
What a coincidence! It was Ah Cai's deep voice, slightly sensually hoarse.
"Ah Cai!" I called out affectionately, "Hurry and drive to pick me up. I'm in the public phone booth at the corner of Changchun Road."
"Li... Oh! Madam, why are you alone?"
"Yes, I'm alone. Come quickly! Ah Cai, I'm a little scared!"
"I'll be right there! Madam, five minutes."
"No! Five minutes is too slow! I can't wait. Ah Cai, the sooner the better! I want to see you."
"Yes, Madam, I'll try my best to hurry."
The phone hung up, his voice still echoing in my ears.
Three minutes later, two car headlights flashed, followed by the familiar horn sound, and a Cadillac screeched to a halt in front of the phone booth.
Ah Cai stuck his head out of the car window and called out, "Madam, where are you?"
I ran out of the phone booth and rushed to the car door, feeling like I was seeing a long-lost relative.
Before I even got in the car, I suddenly changed my mind, closed the door, walked around to the front, and sat down next to Ah Cai.
Ah Cai's astonishment was palpable; his excessive pampering had left him flustered, and he suddenly turned off the car.
"Ah Cai, drive!" I said.
"Yes, madam!" he said.
"Why did you leave Miss Zhao here alone?"
"Don't mention it, I'm so bored, hurry up and drive!"
He frantically started the engine, drove off, and then asked, "Home, madam?"
"No," I said.
"Drive wherever you want, I'll go with you anywhere."
"Yes, madam!" Ah Cai's voice trembled.
The mountain path was slippery with moss, the spring chill lingered, and the flowers were in bloom. The wheels glided lightly, disappearing into the depths of the bushes.
"Ah Cai!" I couldn't help but say, "It's so dark here! Be careful!"
"I'm not afraid!" He turned back and smiled.
His dark face made his two rows of white teeth, like a wild beast, and his pair of gleaming eyes stand out even more.
"Go around the other side of the mountain!" I ordered. "Turn around from the foot of the mountain and drive towards Tamsui. I want to get some fresh air; the weather is too stuffy."
"Yes, the weather is bad, Madam..."
Ah-Cai looked up as he drove, his tone and expression quite peculiar, his words piercing me like sharp arrows.
"Ah Cai, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong..."
"You seem to be angry with someone," I said. "If you don't drive properly, you're angry with your life, and once life is gone, it's gone forever."
The wheels sped along, Ah Cai swung one hand freely, a few contemptuous smiles appearing on his lips, then a string of words burst out from between his teeth: "Madam, don't worry! I won't lose my life. Back in the day, I was speeding across cliffs on the crossroads, which was many times more dangerous than this! I didn't often hear of cars overturning then, how could something happen on such a flat road?"
"Isn't it better to be careful?" I chuckled softly, "A man is in his prime at thirty, you're probably just thirty, you still have to get married and raise a son! Being careful is never a bad thing."
"Even after making a living as a driver, I'll still get married one day," he said casually.
His nonchalance gave me the courage to continue my flirtatious behavior, I felt a tension and pleasure in teasing the opposite sex.
Because this situation was so rare, I felt more and more excited, and hoped that this situation could last longer.
I said, "Ah Cai..."
"Madam.
" "You don't want to get married?"
"Who doesn't want to get married?" He glanced back briefly, then turned and walked forward again. "A salary of 15,000 yuan, if we don't have children, that's enough..."
"I can increase your salary." I carefully leaned forward and suggested.
"It's not just about money." He said, "For example, right now, dragging you out of bed in the middle of the night, what are you doing running around the mountains! How can a wife stand that? A woman marries a husband hoping to stay with him and live a peaceful life! But the driver has to stay with the car and wait for his master's orders."
"I can set your working hours. From 2 pm to 2 am, that should be about right. If you need to use the car in the morning, you can rest earlier in the evening... Does that sound good? And as for salary, I'll add another 3,000 yuan!"
"Madam is very enthusiastic about my marriage!"
He grinned at me in the rearview mirror.
"You don't understand, Ah Cai," I said.
"A widow's driver shouldn't be a single man, otherwise people will gossip. Since I'm a widow, I have to consider this, but I can't bear to replace you, so I can only hope you marry a wife soon."
"No, I don't want to..."
"What other difficulties are there? That's strange! Ah Cai, are you even a man?"
"You know I am, madam," he said bluntly.
These words reminded me of the feeling he gave me this morning at the cemetery, standing behind me.
It was mysterious, strange, and wondrous, the pinnacle of all masculine beauty, with a trembling, tingling touch.
Suddenly, I felt hot all over and restless all over, like an atomic bomb suddenly exploding in my stomach, and I could no longer suppress the radiation.
My heart skipped a beat, and I sat upright, stealing glances at him.
He calmly turned off the engine, then took out a cigarette and leisurely lit it.
He didn't turn around, but glanced out the window a few times, seemingly hesitant.
I felt an unprecedented tension, not fear, nor sorrow, but rather an anticipation, a thrilling excitement that trembled my very soul.
In my mind's eye, Ah Cai's target couldn't be more obvious, but he dared not make a decisive move.
He suddenly got out of the car, pacing back and forth under the shade of the trees, the smoke and fire flickering, sometimes near, sometimes far, like a ghostly eye.
I endured it all, remaining silent, observing how things would unfold.
Ah Cai took a few steps, approaching my seat, peering through the window, hesitant to speak, reaching out his hand, then withdrawing it.
Finally, he didn't open the car door and drove away.
I waited for the showdown, but it dragged on, driving me mad!
Given my status and personality, I had already yielded a great deal; I couldn't cross that line again, or I would become a shameless harlot, something I didn't want.
"Ah Cai!" I knocked on the car window and said, "Are you done smoking? It's time to get going!"
He walked over, violently opened the car door, and hoarsely shouted, "Why don't you get out and walk around? The air here is so much better! This car is hell, with you covered in perfume, it's suffocating!"
I obediently, half-frightened, crawled out of the car.
Bang! The car door behind me had already closed, leaving me defenseless, no different from a woman walking in the night. But I understand men's psychology well, and before he could say or do anything rash, I gave the order: "Give me a cigarette, Ah Cai."
He obediently took out his cigarette pack, took one out and gave it to me, and lit it for me.
In the flash of the match, I saw clearly that his eyes were bloodshot, the veins on his forehead were bulging, and he kept sticking out his tongue to lick his dry lips.
V. New Love and Old Hatred
My hands were tightly holding his head and back, sometimes even groping his face and hands. I knew that in this supine position, it was best to raise both arms overhead, which would present a stunningly beautiful view of my chest. So I did, and he indeed went mad!
His lips and tongue relentlessly attacked my face, and I felt chills run down my spine, my whole body burning, gradually sinking into a daze.
"My love! My love!" I murmured, "Let me die, let me die!"
The poem reads:
Having witnessed the bitterness of parting at the ends of the earth, I return to find the flowers scattered and fallen.
We gaze at each other beneath the blossoms, speechless, as spring fades with the passing of the green window.
I long to tell my sorrows under the lamp, a thread of new joy
mixed with a thousand threads of old resentment. The most fleeting thing in this world is beauty,
like a rosy face fading from the mirror, a flower falling from the tree.
(Tune: Butterfly Loves the Flourishing Flower).
I don't know when or where I first encountered this poem lamenting spring, yet I remember it vividly.
Now I copy it down because I feel my state of mind is not far removed from the poem's sentiment; I can use someone else's cup to pour out my sorrow, as a way to vent my emotions.
Twenty-four seasonal winds, and I, unknowingly, drifted away. I've experienced heart-wrenching separations and tearless deaths.
Just when I thought I held freedom and happiness, I suddenly awoke to find myself a withered flower!
Now, facing new love, old grudges surge like a tide; everything is under my control, but youth! Gone forever!
Why this sudden feeling amidst such joy?
It's because of Ah Cai's words. He leaned against me and whispered, "Yu Xuan, if only we had met three years earlier! Back then, you weren't Li Laosan's woman..."
The meaning was clear: he disliked that I wasn't a proper young lady anymore.
Perhaps not intentionally,
but at least subconsciously, he felt this way, though he himself didn't understand why.
I was heartbroken, but not desperate.
Because I could strongly feel Ah Cai's passion, his burning attachment to me; it wasn't a deep, unforgettable love.
And how I longed for the nourishment of true love! While the pleasures of lust may be supreme, they are ultimately a vulgar reality, and all reality fades away in an instant.
Only a metaphysical approach of passionate love and devotion can endure for eternity.
Empty as I am, a newly widowed woman caught between sorrow and joy, I lament the fleeting nature of life, and besides desperately seeking pleasure, I yearn for a rekindled flame of life.
In this respect, Ah Cai has disappointed me.
He is hot, yet without light, like embers beneath ashes; he is wild, yet not infatuated, no different from a beast.
Thinking this, I suddenly stood up, hurriedly straightened my clothes, and turned to leave.
"What's wrong, Yu Xuan!"
He lay on the grass, reaching out to tug at my leg.
In the darkness, I was as agile as a fish! With a light dodge, I evaded his grasp and ran straight out of the woods.
"Yu Xuan..."
The cry was as mournful as autumn rain.
I paused briefly, hardened my heart, and continued walking.
"Yu Xuan, I have something to say..."
I had to stop and listen to what he had to say; perhaps that was only natural.
He walked over slowly, stopping about three feet away from me.
I dared not look at him, but I could almost feel his breathing and gaze, both of which made me dizzy and confused.
We remained silent for two or three minutes. Just
as I was about to move, I heard him sigh softly, "If only we had known this would happen, why did we do it in the first place?"
Those eleven words struck me like a blow to the head, manifesting a thousand meanings and leaving me with a mix of emotions. After
struggling with my words for a long time, I softly said, "In the first place, how was it?"
"In the first place, I misunderstood Madam's intentions," he said angrily. "I didn't consider my own status; I deserve to die. But Madam... you were also at fault."
"What fault did I have?"
This was a defiant retort.
"Your fault is that..." he said bluntly, "that you didn't teach me to give up on this idea sooner. Perhaps this is common in your high society, but to me, everything you said and did went far beyond tacit agreement."
With a thud, I felt my face burning with embarrassment. Luckily, we were in the dark woods, or I would have been utterly ashamed.
He wasn't wrong. My words went far beyond mere acquiescence; to put it bluntly, they encouraged his ambition, luring him step by step into a pre-laid trap. And at the last moment, I used the bait to lure him in, letting him suffer with one foot in the trap!
Women are truly soft-hearted creatures. After much deliberation, I was constantly filled with self-reproach, which melted away any remaining restraint I had, like ice on a hot stove.
Ah Cai was so perceptive! He could tell from his expression that he had won again.
He stepped from three feet away to my side, suddenly grabbed me, and kissed my neck fiercely. That warm breath entered my neck, circled my head, passed through my heart, and then radiated from my veins, reaching my limbs and bones.
All decisions are made by the heart; when the heart is warm and the intestines are soft, nothing else matters.
My arms wrapped around him like two snakes, afraid that I wasn't holding him tight enough, that I wasn't betting on him secure enough, afraid of losing him in an instant.
A gentle breeze, swaying leaves—besides these, there is the beautiful landscape, and the two of us, him and me; nothing else exists.
Of course, things do exist, but in my eyes, they are insignificant!
I am content, I am excited, I am intoxicated.
The intertwining of lips and tongue, the exchange of souls, the firm contact of chests—it's not just friction, but also feeling the beating of our hearts and the flow of our blood.
Darkness becomes light, cold becomes warmth, the hard trees and mud feel tenderness, the swaying of the leaves is full of life… It's beautiful! It's beautiful!
Suddenly, a gust of wind comes, making me shiver, my whole body melting. Then I realize it's not the wind, it's his magical hands.
He is pulling me down, and below is the grass, which I can still feel.
According to my heart, this is what I desire, but a woman's pride still prevents me from making such a hasty transaction…
so I gently struggle and say, "No…"
He doesn't answer, continuing to use his actions to make me submit, creating a fait accompli.
Two opposing viewpoints battled within me, one gaining the upper hand at times, the other surging ahead at others.
Ultimately, I wished I could abandon my reserve, but I couldn't!
I hated my own lack of self-control, my insistence on continuing to resist. Seeing my dream shattered, how I longed to see it!
Like a traveler in the desert, who once had an empty water jug, now even that empty signboard was gone, finally encountering a pool of clear water—could I resist rushing to it, lying on its surface, and drinking to my heart's content?
In desperation, I stretched out my foot, placing it where he had no choice but to step. Sure enough, he immediately succumbed to the magnet, like iron falling to a magnet, causing the magnet and iron to stick together.
That magnet was me—my lips, my neck, my chest.
He lowered his head, his burning lips greedily kissing my pink neck, my soft breasts, my lower abdomen, my jade-like legs. My blood boiled, my heart felt like it was about to explode.
Then Ah Cai lay on top of me, and I concentrated all my strength on that spot. He shuddered violently as if electrocuted.
Flesh against flesh, heart against heart, both of our vital organs were engorged with blood, spurting out thick
, hot breaths. His glans was fiery red and burning hot, growing harder and deeper with each thrust, charging and plunging like a torrential downpour, sweeping away a thousand armies. It made my vagina wide open, [female aphrodisiac, male delay and aphrodisiac, inflatable sex toys, etc., especially recommending the German green temptation line with free shipping]. My heart was ecstatic, and my juices flowed freely.
His penis seemed stronger and more powerful than Zhao Limin's, and with each thrust, I felt more stimulated and full.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck.
I thought dazedly, "Fine! Let it rain!" The heavier the rain, the better, to wash us all away, into the sea, out of the world, to find another paradise without prejudice.
The flash lasted a long time, almost like a searchlight.
Strangely, it seemed to shine only on one spot; I vaguely felt that, apart from the patch of grass we occupied, everything else was still pitch black.
This gradually brought me back to my senses. I looked up, searching for the strange light source.
"Ah!" I exclaimed.
"What's wrong?" Ah Cai murmured, still half-conscious.
As my mind cleared slightly, I immediately pushed him away and slithered away like an eel until I reached the darkness, only then calming my fright.
Now Ah Cai had figured it out too. I heard him exclaim "Ah!" and then burst into a tirade: "Who's turning on their car lights, you bastard! I'll beat you up!"
I remained lying on the ground, afraid the newcomer was a policeman. If that happened, we wouldn't only be helpless against him, but we might also be taken to court for indecent assault. What would we do then, what would we do if it was reported in the newspapers
? Ah Cai charged towards the light like a leopard , seemingly ready to fight to the death. But I wasn't willing to risk my life with him; I wanted to find my own way out—to escape.
Before I could even stand up, I heard Ah Cai exclaim in surprise, then I heard him say, "Young Master Zhao... what are you doing here?" Even
worse! It was Zhao Limin.
"I came to take a look." Yes, it was Limin's tone.
A silence fell.
How their standoff would end wasn't my concern. I wanted to escape this predicament as quickly as possible!
Instinctively, I crawled, feeling myself getting further away from them. Then I stood up and ran, dashing out of the woods and onto the road.
Under the gas lamplight, the long, winding road looked like a ghost town, not a soul in sight. I was desperate. I turned left and ran, hoping to find a car to take me far away.
*Snap!* The heel of my high heel suddenly broke. I simply took it off and threw it away. My bare feet ached from the gravel on the road, but I didn't care.
There seemed to be a voice calling behind me. I didn't want to see either of them. I wanted everyone to leave me, the farther the better. Now I wanted to be alone. It
really started raining! At first, it was sparse, then it grew heavier and heavier, finally falling like a tidal wave. My clothes, already tight, were now soaked through, making me look like an unmasked mannequin. My hair was instantly drenched, and rain dripped from my forehead and the back of my neck. I was completely sticky and wet, making it difficult to walk.
I didn't know what I looked like, but I hoped it wasn't too bad. Otherwise, even if I encountered a car, I wouldn't have the courage to get in, because the driver would definitely be a man, and how could I give a member of the opposite sex an ugly impression
? Two beams of light came towards me; it was undoubtedly a car.
At that moment, I had no choice. I immediately stood in the middle of the road, raising my hands and waving, hoping it would stop.
The bright light blinded me, and the car sped towards me, almost touching me. Thankfully, I heard the sudden screeching of brakes; thankfully, it didn't hit me. After a while, I heard someone say, "Get in!"
I opened my eyes with relief and realized I was two feet from the front of the car—it was extremely dangerous. The car door was half open, and half a man's head poked out, beckoning again, "Get in, I'll take you home!"
I obediently walked over and climbed into the car, crossing my arms to cover my transparent appearance. Then he said in a low voice, "Thank you! I live in Taipei."
He immediately turned around and drove east, without asking me why I had ended up in this situation.
This made me feel a little relieved. After catching my breath, I glanced at him sideways, only to find that he was also looking at me sideways. Our eyes met, and my heart skipped a beat again.
The blissful state of desire vanished in the wind and rain, leaving only desolate footsteps. The result of rushing through the rain was that I was soaked from head to toe, my underwear clinging to my body, my outer garment as heavy as iron.
Nothing happened along the way, yet something unexpected occurred. Only when I arrived home did I realize my handbag was missing. I asked the driver to wait a moment. The driver was a fat, middle-aged man, seemingly honest, but unexpectedly, he wasn't. He kept staring at me intently, as if I were naked.
Suddenly, he reached out and very roughly stopped me, saying, "No fare, if you want…"
"What do you want?"
I lost my balance and almost fell into his large chest.
"I want you…" he said, pulling me closer and quickly kissing me.
"No…" My lips were already sealed.
"Mmm…mmm…"
I struggled, feeling his large hand assaulting my chest.
"That's enough! Thank you!"
He was quickly satisfied, releasing me and fleeing into the car like a shot.
I stood frozen in the rain, bewildered, my heart filled with a bittersweet mix of emotions. I never thought of shouting for revenge. I watched as the car sped away, disappearing into the darkness of the storm.
It's strange. Why is it that in the days since Li Laosan's death, every man who sees me seems to be aroused to some degree?
Is it because I've become a widow, or has my innate sensuality become uncontrollable after being freed from psychological constraints?
I think the responsibility lies mostly with myself. My expression must have been incredibly alluring, intentionally or unintentionally encouraging men's desires, tempting them to do things they wouldn't normally dare to do.
Otherwise, how could this driver, who didn't know who I was, be so impulsive, suddenly so bold and unrestrained, indulging his desires?
Back home, I felt like a queen. I received much care and service, until after I took a hot bath and went to bed, Charlie the wolfhound lay before me, wagging his tail and begging for attention.
My body was in bed, but my mind was outside, listening intently for Ah Cai to return. An hour, two hours passed, but I still hadn't heard him drive home. I was a little puzzled and a little worried.
Puzzled or worried, he did come home eventually, and Zhao Limin's phone call explained it all.
He said, "Yu Xuan, you're back. Did you run into any trouble? I was really worried about you!"
"Oh! You flatter me," I replied, still angry with him. "How dare I trouble Young Master Zhao? You're a nobleman, a busy man, and... the number one romantic in the world, just let it go!"
"You've misunderstood me, Yu Xuan." He said calmly, "I'll come and explain to you tomorrow." "
I don't want to hear your explanation, nor would I dare trouble you, Young Master Zhao. We're a man and a woman alone, it's best if we see each other less often. Otherwise, you might not care, but I'll be the target of gossip. In this society, a woman's reputation cannot be tarnished..."
"Well! Even our Madam Li has become a moralist!"
he sarcastically said, "Is it the power of love that makes you unable to care about anything else, so you use this kind of rhetoric to deal with me... Wait! Wait! Don't be angry! There's something I must tell you immediately, Ah Cai and I had a fight!"
"A fight?" I couldn't help but feel a chill run down my spine: "You guys are really ridiculous, what kind of nonsense is this? If word gets out, people will laugh at us to death!"
"It won't get out unless Ah Cai spreads rumors everywhere. Otherwise, only the three of us will know. But even if it does, no one will find it laughable. Two heroes vying for the same beauty, isn't that perfectly natural?"
"Pah!" I couldn't help but laugh. "Who would willingly let you two take all of you? I don't even look at one of
you." "You know that best," he said playfully. "And I'll never give up on that idea. I thought you..."
"Hey!" I quickly interrupted him. "You weren't hurt, were you?"
"Why don't you ask him if he was hurt? Thank goodness, so you do care about me more."
Damn it! I didn't care about him more; I just asked out of politeness.
I quickly said, "You didn't answer my question."
"What?"
"Who won?"
"I'm sorry! It was me."
This answer was truly unexpected. With his air of otherworldly wisdom, devoid of worldly pleasures, how could he possibly withstand Ah Cai's buffalo-like charge
? I had already experienced Ah Cai's buffalo-like charge, and it wasn't an exaggeration. As for Li Min's slender frame, it was also renowned; one could tell without even touching it.
So, what miracle made him defeat Ah Cai?
He answered my question for me, saying, "The power of love, entirely the power of love, it's amazing! At that moment, I was full of strength, my fists were like hammers, my arms like tree trunks. In just a few moves, that bastard was lying on the ground groaning!" "Do
n't curse, Limin!" I said, "Then you can lie in the woods with him, letting the wind and rain beat down on you. You're a true hero, a cruel hero!"
"Fine!" he said angrily, "So what you care about most is that he won't even be called a bastard by his philandering Mrs. Li. You can sleep peacefully! I'm not as cruel as you think, I have my own sportsmanship. Now, Ah Cai is resting in my house."
I was also furious, and I spoke without thinking.
"Limin!" I shouted, "Let him come back!"
"He won't go back, he hates you to death. We all hate you because you stirred up lust and didn't let it extinguish itself. You're a harlot! An irresponsible harlot!"
I slammed the microphone down like a grenade.
I immediately swore in my heart, "I will never see Limin again. If Ah Cai is truly so heartless, then I will include him as well."
Having severed all ties of affection, sleepiness instantly overcame me.
The spring rain and the chill of the night made falling asleep nestled in the soft comforter a kind of enjoyment.
In this hazy, blissful state, I drifted off to sleep, unaware that dawn had broken.

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