Those years, my boyfriend and girlfriend

As time passed, the emotional entanglements of the past gradually settled down.
When bored, my first boyfriend and first girlfriend often surfaced in my mind. At first, these
thoughts brought shame and anger, but gradually I began to understand them, and finally, I gently let them go.
Three people who had a profound influence on me in my early years, whom I'll call Xiaoye, Xiaoyue, and Xiaofeng, were
two girls and a boy. Many of my firsts happened with these three.
I already had terms like "lesbian" and "gay" in high school, but I never imagined these terms would be associated with me
.
My deskmate, Xiaoye, looked like a Korean heartthrob and was a huge fan of Ayumi Hamasaki. He wasn't a good student, so
at the beginning of high school, the teacher arranged for us to be together, and I was asked to supervise his studies.
The first thing that made me realize he was different was that for the first Chinese composition after the start of the semester,
while everyone else spent a few hours writing casually, he took a whole week to write.
To write a perfect essay, he devoted all his homework time to polishing it. I
was stunned when I read his essay; his writing was gentle and delicate, full of allusions, and a subtle melancholy permeated the lines. The teacher read
it aloud as a model essay, and from then on, I developed a deep respect for Xiaoye.
After the midterm exams, Xiaoye's grades were dismal. Because his personality was different from other boys, Xiaoye
's only friends were girls and me.
Out of friendship, I decided to help him, so I often inquired about his studies and even lent
him my chemistry notes.
Before long, we became inseparable friends, spending every day together, playfully teasing each other.
Then, a girl from another class, wanting to pursue him, would come to our class after school to ask Xiaoye out for dinner.
I was happy that Xiaoye was finally getting a girlfriend, so whenever I saw this girl, I would leave Xiaoye behind and go find other classmates.
Tragically, Xiaoye's thoughts were completely opposite to mine. He thought I was leaving him on purpose because I was jealous, which made
him feel guilty. To appease me, Xiaoye rejected that girl a few days later, and we started
hanging out together again.
The consequence of spending all our time together was that our physical contact increased. At first, it was just
putting our arms around each other , then it became hugging and cuddling, and later it became kissing and cuddling.
I remember before the final exams, everyone needed to clear their desks of books. My roommates and Xiaoye
carried the extra books back to the dorm.
I was carrying Xiaoye's books back to the dorm, and feeling tired, Xiaoye suddenly kissed my cheek, saying, "I'll
give you a kiss so you'll have the energy to carry them back."
Around the same time, one night after lights out, Xiaoye slipped into my bed. We hugged each other,
caressing each other's bodies. My hand involuntarily slipped inside his white underwear, leaving his mark
on my sheets.
From then until the end of the final exams, Xiaoye would sneak into my bed 2-3 times a week. We
explored every position except anal sex. Sometimes, before the wake-up call for lunch break, he would come to my bed and shake me
awake, and we would French kiss until the call bell rang.
During winter break, I went back to my hometown with my parents, and we probably exchanged dozens of text messages every day,
calling each other "husband" and "wife.
" After the New Year, I couldn't wait to return to the city where my high school was. While I was on the phone with Xiaoye, I
suddenly heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, I saw Xiaoye holding his phone, and we instantly hugged each other.
That winter break, we went to the city center to eat Crossing-the-Bridge Rice Noodles together. I accompanied him to buy Ayumi Hamasaki's new album, accompanied him
to get a haircut , did our winter break homework together, watched the Dragon Boat Festival fireworks together, and even went to the hospital together when he was sick.
He gave me my first romance novel, "River Flows to the Sea of Sorrow," with a preface written in green pen.
The most embarrassing time was when we were watching gay porn and masturbating, we heard my dad open the door. We
were so scared quickly turned off the video, pulled up our pants, and casually browsed the web while my dad came in.
Before we knew it, school started, and Xiaoye slept with me almost every night.
One time, we were rolling around in bed, and Xiaoye was licking me on my chest when the dorm supervisor suddenly pulled back
the covers and questioned us about what we were doing.
Xiaoye and I stared at each other, unsure what to do. Luckily, the supervisor didn't notice anything amiss and let Xiaoye go back to
his dorm.
Another time, we rolled around in bed until late at night. He lubricated my anus with his saliva and then thrust in.
I screamed, "Ouch!" He was startled too, and we stayed in that position for a long time until he slowly
pulled out.
When he went in a second time, I felt a sense of fullness and a bit of euphoria.
That's how we reached our final destination.
After that, he wanted me to do the same, but I refused, even at the cost of my life. The thought of being immersed in something so filthy
made me nauseous and weak. If it were a girl, I would have entered without hesitation.
Until the breakup, I never "unlocked" Xiaoye; he always used his hand and mouth to help me.
After the honeymoon period, our arguments increased.
I remember one evening during self-study, he excitedly came to study next to me, but I had a mental breakdown and broke free, running
to the back of the classroom.
Xiaoye was lonely; he couldn't stand being alone. My foolish behavior enraged him,
and he grabbed book and threw it at me.
I was a head taller and stronger than him; his hitting me was like a tickle. But his actions
annoyed the other students, who all stood up for me.
After several such conflicts, one of our arguments became the final straw that broke the camel's back.
From then on , we didn't speak to each other until the end of our first year of high school.
As time passed, we gradually forgot this regret. After our second year of high school, we would
greet each other with smiles.
After graduating from high school, Xiaoye was going to another city. Before he left, a few close friends treated him
to lunch.
After we met, I gave him a hardcover copy of "River Flows to the Sea of Sorrow," because I remembered he had always
wanted it. He smiled slightly upon receiving the book, and I felt a sense of relief.
Two years later, during my sophomore year winter break, we met again.
We both went to good universities. Xiaoye got a girlfriend, and I had a girl I liked, Xiaofeng.
We chatted like old friends. After meeting, we went to my house for a while, and then we
walked talked all the way to the city center along the park. It was a few kilometers, but that time
flew by, as if we were back in our first year of high school, walking arm in arm with each other all the way to the city center.
Because we were too shy to talk about it, we only touched on the things that happened in our first year of high school.
In recent years, as society has become more accepting of LGBTQ+ issues, I've become more open-minded about this past experience,
so I'm writing it down to share with everyone.
After Xiaoye, until I graduated from university, I never had a single relationship.
In high school, I was busy studying, playing basketball, and playing video games. There were a few girls I had ambiguous relationships with, but nothing ever came of it.
Instead, after graduating high school, I developed a passionate crush on one of the prettiest girls in my senior year.
We , and although we tried to keep it a secret, the affectionate glances we exchanged couldn't be
hidden from our friends.
We agreed not to date during our undergraduate years, but unfortunately, she was confessed to successfully on
Mount Tai .
During our first winter break, we had a long, honest talk. We both had liked each other, but our relationship
could never go back to what it was. She's now married to her first love, and I meet her every time I return to China,
reminiscing about our past like old friends.
High school relationships are innocent and naive, like the two kids in the movie "Flipped."
Relationships after university never have that pure purity of adolescence.
Xiaofeng was my classmate in university, and ironically, we became friends after a fight.
When we first entered university and ran for class officer, I defeated her. Xiao Feng, with her tomboyish personality, was naturally unconvinced and
became uncooperative, even threatening to oust me the following year.
In subsequent work, I worked diligently and excelled in student affairs. Xiao Feng was inspired by me and
transformed from a sabotager into a staunch supporter.
Our relationship blossomed during the outstanding class defense in our sophomore year.
To prepare our defense materials, we worked tirelessly for over a week. One night, she even sneaked into
the boys' dormitory to rehearse with me on the stairs.
The night before the defense, we secretly obtained a key to a faculty apartment and, along with two other
girls, prepared there until 3 a.m.
On the day of the defense, we both wore formal attire. Xiao Feng shed her tomboyish image; her curvaceous figure in
black high heels was incredibly alluring.
Seeing her C-cup breasts and fair skin, I dreamed of holding her in my arms, but to this day I haven't
succeeded —but that's another story.
We received enthusiastic applause on the stage, and the fruits of our victory filled us with joy. We
became inseparable best friends.
Looking back now, our lives back then were incredibly frugal.
To improve our meals, we often ate at the fast food stalls near the school gate that cost around ten yuan a serving. When we got tired of fast food, we went to the
even further-away Xiabu Xiabu. We went to a run-down movie theater, and I remember watching quite a few good
movies , such as *Happy Feet 2*, *Rise of the Planet of the Apes*, and *The Four*.
Once, she borrowed my campus network data and accidentally used several gigabytes, which scared her so much that she immediately treated me to a meal at the school
cafeteria.
Before the final exams, we bought several cans of Red Bull and stayed up all night for three consecutive nights, ultimately both scoring over 90
points on our exams.
We were working under the same professor, and we'd promised to treat him to dinner. But when it came
time to pay the bill, we both hid behind him. On the way to the restaurant, during a break in our conversation, Xiaofeng and I
simultaneously asked, "Professor, where do you live?" It takes incredible chemistry to ask the same
question at the same time.
Xiaofeng looks incredibly cool when she's serious. Back in our undergraduate years, she had a fiery temper, like a hero from Liangshan. She'd
stand up for what was right, arguing with security guards, analytical chemistry professors, and classmates who took her seats. But in front of me, she
was like a gentle little sister.
Whenever she got into a conflict, I would patiently advise her not to be impulsive, and she would eventually calm things down.
We've never argued. The only time we bickered was when she was unhappy with the assignment the professor gave her and
said she'd never do that project again. But shortly after returning to the dorm, she called to apologize, saying she shouldn't have been so stubborn and
upset me. Then we happily went to a hot pot restaurant.
I don't believe in pure friendship between men and women, and Xiaofeng and I were no exception. We maintained this relationship that
went beyond friendship until she went abroad to study during her sophomore summer.
When I first learned Xiaofeng was going abroad, I secretly resolved never to treat her as my girlfriend.
Because breaking up after going abroad was almost inevitable, it was better to remain good friends, so we could stay in
touch instead of never seeing each other again.
One evening, after eating a cheap fast food meal, we walked to the school playground, and she asked me to kiss her.
Surprised, I made a decision I still don't regret: I gave her the "friend zone" card.
From that night until Xiaofeng left, although we talked even more, neither of us crossed that line.
The night before Xiaofeng left, she called me out, gave me lots of snacks, photos we had taken together,
and a letter she had written to me. After explaining things, we hugged goodbye.
Even today, the closest physical contact Xiaofeng and I have
ever had that line. The next morning, before going through security, Xiaofeng called me one last time,
saying in a low voice, "I'm leaving." My heart ached. Why couldn't we be together even though I liked her, yet I still
wished her a safe journey and academic success with a positive tone
? In the following days, I watched the movie *Once Upon a Time in America* twice, overwhelmed with emotion.
After Xiaofeng left, I frantically prepared to go abroad, partly because I had always planned to study abroad, and partly because
of Xiaofeng's encouragement. During this time, several girls showed interest in me, but I rejected them all.
Xiaofeng and I maintained a frequency of at least one phone call per month; at that time, my overseas phone number was displayed on my phone...
The phone number displayed was "unknown." Every time I saw an unknown number, I would happily put down what I was doing
and chat with Xiaofeng for ten minutes or so.
Although Xiaofeng said she was single, I didn't think it was true, and I pretended not to
know anything and didn't delve into it. Every time we achieved something, we would happily share it with each other.
A year after Xiaofeng went abroad, she sent postcards and chocolates to a few of us close friends, which made us all very
happy.
In the blink of an eye, application season arrived. I helped Xiaofeng prepare all the materials for the universities in China, and she helped me
correct the grammatical errors in my essays. During this time, we contacted each other more frequently, exchanging application progress and results,
encouraging and comforting each other. In this way, we both got accepted to two good American universities, 500
miles .
Xiaofeng returned to China for vacation before graduation and also visited her undergraduate classmates. After experiencing
several relationships abroad, I was just a good friend to Xiaofeng. At that time, my impression of Xiaofeng was still stuck on
that night before I went abroad. I naively thought that the time had come for the hero to win the beauty's heart, but what awaited
me was a failed confession. After being rejected by Xiaofeng, I was heartbroken and never contacted her again.
She contacted me a few times, but it ended abruptly because of my cold attitude. So we became like strangers.
At this point, you might think that Xiaofeng and I were over, but that's not the case. Before writing about
what happened between Xiaofeng and me in America, my first girlfriend, Xiaoyue, appeared.
After Xiaofeng and I became strangers, although life went on as usual, in the quiet of the night, those sweet scenes
often flashed through my mind, accompanied by a sense of shame and anger. My one-sided love and subsequent
failed confession dealt me a heavy blow. If it weren't for Xiaoyue's appearance, it would have taken me much longer to recover from this blow
. However, this impure mindset foreshadowed my breakup with Xiaoyue.
After the application season ended, I spent most of my time in the lab, and I got to know my senior classmates
.
Xiaoyue was one of them, a first-year PhD student. I could sense that she had a crush on me, but the thought of
going abroad made me give up on the idea. I originally planned to go back to my hometown to heal after graduation, but unexpectedly,
on the night of my graduation defense, she confessed her feelings to me!
But I rejected her that night because I really didn't feel anything for her. Xiaoyue cried very sadly and called
some of her close friends to drink on the steps outside the gymnasium.
Seeing how heartbroken she was, her friends called me down to drink with them.
When Xiaoyue saw me, she immediately downed a can of Tsingtao beer with me. Afterwards, we helped the unconscious
Xiaoyue to a karaoke bar. I held her arm, feeling its smooth and firm texture. Seeing her so
drunk , I felt pity and an urge to hold her. Her friends all scolded me, saying
I didn't know how to cherish such a good girl.
For the next two weeks, we often went out for walks, ate out, and watched movies together. Her friends also helped
to set us up, and finally, two weeks later, one night, I said those
words to her in front of the Olympic Building in Beijing.
At this time, my university life had just ended, and the reluctance to part with my classmates of four years, the complex
feelings for Xiaofeng, and the sweetness of being with Xiaoyue were all intertwined. I rented a small room near the university,
ostensibly to continue doing odd jobs in the lab, but actually to be with Xiaoyue. We would often go to
the steps of the gymnasium late at night to make out.
Xiaoyue had a previous relationship, and she guided me to put my arm around her waist, lean on her shoulder, and touch her arms and legs.
Her skin was white and tender, like an inflatable doll.
We were both shy during our first French kiss, and it took several tries to succeed. When I kissed her ear
, she leaned against me and shyly said, "No."
Finally, one time, I touched her soft breasts through her clothes, then slipped my hand inside her collar and grasped
them. The slightly firm texture of her nipples was a stark contrast to before.
That night, after taking her back to her dorm, my penis remained rock hard until I got back to my rented room.
Later, our intimate spot became my rented room. We cooked together, chatting as we ate.
When we slept, we cuddled in bed, and I explored every inch of her skin through her clothes. As she moaned softly,
I removed her bra and buried my face in it.
But at first, she was shy and wouldn't let me lick her genitals. Finally, one time,
after I had moistened her through her underwear, I swiftly removed it and took her clitoris into my mouth. After a soft "Ah," Xiaoyue
didn't resist anymore.
Xiaoyue's pubic hair was sparse, and her labia minora were different sizes. Except for a tiny bit of black on the larger one,
the rest was a full, red color.
I licked her vulva, then inserted my tongue into her vagina and moved it up and down. Finally, under
the intense impact of my tongue and fingers on her clitoris and vagina, Xiaoyue gripped my hand tightly, her legs straightened, her vagina contracted sharply
, clamping my fingers, and she let out a convulsive "Ah!"
After things at school ended, we went on a trip to Hangzhou and then to my hometown.
My relationship with Xiaoyue turned me into a foodie and a sweet tooth, because the food she recommended was just
so delicious.
We were in sync during the trip, leaving behind happy laughter in many places.
The day before I boarded my flight, she and my dad went to the airport to see me off.
That night, in a budget hotel near the airport, my dad gave me a lewd smile when he booked the room,
then booked two rooms.
That night, we embraced like dry tinder; her lower body had never felt so hot and wet.
She straddled me, holding me tightly as I trembled.
During our year-long long-distance relationship, we video-chatted or voice-chatted almost every day.
I went back to China for winter break, and the constant partying left me exhausted. By the time she
prepared the back door on the last night, I was completely drained.
She applied for an exchange program to go abroad and reunite with me, and I helped her get a place in a university in the same city as me.
School. Everything was so bright. Xiaoyue came to the United States the following summer. When I saw Xiaoyue at the airport,
our excited hearts embraced tightly, and from then on, Xiaoyue's presence became a regular in my apartment.
Unexpectedly, during that year of our long-distance relationship, I met Xiaofeng again.
During spring break, some of my neighbors invited me on a road trip around Xiaofeng's city. Coincidentally, my professor
was a visiting scholar at Xiaofeng's school, so I arranged to have lunch with him at the school.
Unfortunately, one of the girls suddenly changed her mind before we left, forcing us to post on social media to find a
replacement . That evening, Xiaofeng suddenly messaged me, warmly inviting me to her school. After some thought, I
invited her to join my professor and me for lunch.
Meeting Xiaofeng again, I no longer felt the same enthusiasm as before.
She arrived at our agreed-upon place more than half an hour early. My first words to her were, "Xiaofeng,
you actually got double eyelid surgery!" At first, Xiaofeng initiated the conversation, but then we relaxed a bit.
On the way to lunch with my advisor, Xiaofeng was filled with emotion. She couldn't believe that our promise to meet again in America
had Her eyes seemed to well up with tears.
My advisor and his wife treated us to pizza, and the four of us chatted happily. Afterwards, his wife started gossiping about
Xiaofeng and my relationship status.
Upon learning that Xiaofeng was still single and that I had a girlfriend, his wife said meaningfully, "Although you
're not together now, after you've each experienced some things, you'll get back together.
" Xiaofeng lowered her eyes and said, "No way." I stared wide-eyed at his wife, feeling like her gaze could
pierce through . Then she repeated her words, and seeing Xiaofeng and me looking at each other blankly, she changed the subject.
My heart, which had almost settled on Xiaofeng, was stirred up again after this lunch.
One summer day, before Xiaoyue arrived, Xiaofeng suddenly called me, saying her friend was driving to
my city and she wanted to stop by to visit.
We had a lot of fun those few days, getting quite tanned, but we were very happy.
On the last evening, we drove on the highway, watching the sunset, feeling the cold wind, and reminisced about our
carefree university days. Although we didn't touch each other during these two meetings, the Xiaofeng of the past had
returned to my side.
I told Xiaoyue everything about Xiaofeng and me, and naturally, she was unhappy. However, considering I had
n't contacted Xiaofeng, Xiaoyue forgave me.
Xiaofeng's reappearance wasn't the trigger for my breakup with Xiaoyue. I now realize that
the differences in our upbringing, or perhaps our values, ultimately led to our separation.
The direct cause of my breakup with Xiaoyue was a car accident. Two weeks after Xiaoyue moved in, we, who had never
lived started having many disagreements. I didn't know how to comfort girls; instead, I tried to reason with her like a typical chauvinist,
which only added fuel to the fire. The pent-up tension exploded during an argument on the highway.
In turned my steering wheel 180 degrees. My car spun several times at 70 mph and crashed into the median
barrier. Luckily, we were both unharmed; only the trunk was slightly damaged. Although we later
hugged and cried and made up, the shadow of that accident never faded.
At this point, my story with Xiaoyue basically ended. Our ending wasn't pleasant, and I don't need to
write about the unpleasantness that followed.
After the breakup, it took me almost a year to recover from that relationship. As for Xiaofeng, perhaps in time,
I will write about what happened between Xiaofeng and me after Xiaoyue.
Thus, the story of Yueye Feng comes to a close. Through a series of dramatic events, I
transformed from a naive young man into a driver.
Having finished writing about my early romantic entanglements in one go, it's time to hit the road.
[The End]

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