Sexual intimacy with one's own mother

When I was young, I was very handsome and always had a way with women. I also had a very close relationship with my mother.
How close?
I slept in the same bed with her when I was in junior high school. It was common for me to suckle and play with her breasts. When I came home from school, my mother would cook, and I would
slip touch her breasts.
Looking back now, this action is very ambiguous, basically equivalent to flirting between husband and wife. My mother never stopped me.
The strange thing is that I was completely oblivious to sex at the time. I really just wanted to play with her breasts.
I also took a bath with her in the summer. I still clearly remember the large patch of dark pubic hair between her legs.
Unfortunately, I wasn't interested in that area at the time and didn't look at it carefully.
I had also gone through puberty by then, and I had grown a few pubic hairs around my penis. I remember the last time we took a bath together,
she looked at me with a complicated expression after she took off all her clothes. Now, looking back, we were on the verge of incest. We were both
naked , sitting in a big bathtub. It was so convenient for my penis to slide in and thrust a couple of times.
I felt embarrassed at that point, a mix of anticipation and shame, a strange sense of fear,
and I didn't know what to do. So I took the initiative to end this shared bathing relationship. I forget exactly which year it happened.
Maybe I'm just too moral. If it were one of my horny friends from elementary school (one of them
had even slept with a sow, so he knew everything from a young age), and their moms gave them the chance, they would have already taken their own penises
.
Anyway, my dad was often away on business trips back then, so even though we stopped sharing baths, I still slept in the same bed as my mom.
My mom always liked me to massage her back, even when it was right up to her buttocks, she would still tell me to go lower and lower. Any
lower and I would have to pull down her pants and expose her buttocks. I didn't know what to do, so I never listened to her.
Thinking back on this, I guess my mom was trying to seduce me.
Normally, I would hug my mom from behind and touch her breasts. She probably thought I was sending mating signals, and I guess she
was initially uncomfortable and awkward, but gradually accepted it, creating opportunities for me. Little did she know, I was completely
clueless about these things.
I don't have any deep memories of sleeping in the same bed with my mom because I'm still a child at heart, and I didn't have any
impure thoughts.
The only time was on an autumn night.
The moonlight was bright that night, shining through the window, making the bed clearly visible.
I woke up in the middle of the night and was shocked to find my mom lying with her back to me, her long underwear pulled down to her knees, her round, white
buttocks exposed in the moonlight, within reach.
Although I wasn't yet aware of these things, I was starting to develop. I felt hot all over, a certain part of my body
swelled up rapidly but had nowhere to go. Completely at a loss, I again chose to retreat instead of bravely
exploring , trying my best to calm myself down and turning over to sleep.
Later, I wondered, what if it had been another woman?
Around that time, I actually started to become interested in women's bodies. In my mother's bed, I subconsciously played
the role of an innocent son.
I greedily fantasized about women's bodies, yet I couldn't even look at the living female body beside me.
To this day, I still don't understand why my mother's long underwear would automatically slip down, but that round, big buttock
often appears in my mind—very beautiful, very alluring.
I'm very sensitive about incest between mothers and sons. Over the years, I've read countless stories, articles, and posts about this kind of thing.
These stories may be true or false, but there are definitely many cases of sexual intimacy between mothers and sons; it's just that everyone intentionally avoids this
topic. I've never even told my best friend about my orientation.
From the initial mix of excitement and guilt, I've now become quite open-minded about sex between mothers and sons.
Sex itself isn't a sinful thing; it's a way to express intimacy and a physiological need. As long as
it's not rape, there's nothing blasphemous about it.
The reason people are hesitant to take this step is mainly because within the existing moral system, once a mother and son become lovers or
casual sex partners, no one knows how to handle the relationship. If it doesn't affect others (secrecy, single parenthood), and
if the mother and son can find a completely new way to get along, then even if it's not something to be encouraged, it's
not entirely unforgivable. If there really is such a thing as justice, why haven't so many bad people been punished?
Therefore, given my current mental state, if I were to return to that night many years ago, I wouldn't back down.
A mature woman's body, already in the act of mating, was right in front of me; I could touch it with a simple reach.
Not enjoying it would be a waste. I only glanced at that buttocks a few times and my blood was already boiling.
If , it would have been incredibly ecstatic. Unfortunately, that opportunity is gone.
A few years ago, I even secretly looked at my mother's body. Although I only saw half of her buttocks, they were already bloated and
no longer had the allure of yesteryear.
I went to high school in the county town, far from my hometown.
A withdrawn and melancholic boy buried himself in endless homework, spending his days going back and forth between a rented room at a relative's house and
school , a monotonous four years (plus a year of remedial classes). Although some girls cast
admiring glances his way, his passive and negative attitude towards relationships prevented him from knowing how to bridge the gap with girls. Despite being
sexually frustrated, his only skill was to mask his incompetence with a cool and aloof demeanor.
This boy was me.
Starting in my second year of high school, my dad came to the county town to accompany me, which relieved me. If it had been my mom instead, I would have
only had a single room, and with my burgeoning sexual desire, I was afraid something embarrassing might happen.
I went home as usual on weekends, but my dad, with his many acquaintances in the county town, didn't go back.
This time, being closer to my mom again, my mindset was completely different.
By this time, I had learned to masturbate and had read many erotic books. I understood
the , and my mother was no longer as innocent as before. Qian Zhongshu once said that the hearts of eighteen or nineteen-year-old boys are
like public toilets. I used to try my best to avoid sexual fantasies about my mother, but now I was becoming more casual, especially since she
was so casual in front of me.
Once, while we were talking in the yard, she actually unzipped her pants and urinated a few steps away right in front of me, of course,
with her back turned, exposing her entire buttocks.
I was very surprised; in today's terms, this "perk" came too suddenly. I quickly lowered my head and walked away. However,
out of the corner of my eye, I could see that her buttocks were still very alluring. That was how my first time ended.
Perhaps some people find it strange, but in rural towns and villages, women are very casual about bathing and using the toilet.
I remember once in the summer, I went back to my father's hometown and stayed at my cousin's house. My cousin's family didn't have a TV, so we went to the neighbor's house to watch one.
When I came out, I was shocked to find the woman of the house bathing naked in the hallway. Her breasts, buttocks, and pubic hair were
clearly visible. The hallway light was on, and the door was unlocked. Theoretically, every man had the opportunity to see her naked
body, including her husband, her son (in his twenties and unmarried), my cousin, and me.
Later, one night when I went out, I looked into the yard through the side door of her house and saw her bathing naked, while her
son and husband watched TV nearby.
Her son was quite pitiful; he was in his early twenties and wanted to have sex at any moment, but
he didn't dare look at a naked woman right next to him. He could only pretend to watch TV, though I guess his penis was already rock hard.
Since this woman didn't mind exposing her whole body to strange men, she probably didn't mind letting her son have sex with her either.
Back then, it was dark in the countryside at night, and if the old man wasn't looking, her son could
easily to the haystack and have sex with her.
It's a pity I didn't think of these things back then; otherwise, if I had paid attention, I might have witnessed a mother and son having sex.
Getting back to the point, I forget how much time had passed since my mom urinated last time, but today, just like before, we were talking
in the yard when she suddenly pulled down her pants and exposed her buttocks to urinate, just as casually as she would in front of my husband.
I instinctively walked away, but stopped at the front door. I couldn't resist the temptation and
simply stood there watching her.
My mom knew I was watching, but she didn't say anything, just calmly pulled up her pants. Unfortunately, because
I was too far away, I didn't see her private parts.
In our ambiguous mother-son relationship, I bravely took a small step forward, and my mom probably received my sexual
signals.
If she was trying to seduce me before, I was too young to succeed. Now that I'm
an adult, for the first time, I'm facing her as a woman, not a son, greedily staring at her exposed
body, like a male animal seeking a mate, frantically inhaling the scent of the opposite sex.
Although we didn't say anything, there was a feeling of mutual understanding, a feeling like adultery,
both exciting and sweet. In this state, my relationship with my mother was more like that of sexual partners who desired each other; we both
knew each other's thoughts and had formally accepted each other.
I was extremely excited all afternoon, eagerly awaiting the arrival of night, because that would be my
chance to see my mother's naked body.
Don't laugh, but at the time, I didn't even think about sleeping with my mother, nor did I know how. Just
seeing her fully naked was enough for me.
If this happened now, it would be very simple: if she bent over to pee with her big white buttocks sticking out, I would also take out my hard-on and
pee, let's see who's afraid of who! If you dare to show me your pussy, I'll masturbate for you.
If she didn't react, I would just pee, and while she was doing that, I would rub my penis against her buttocks.
If my mother didn't move away, I could sneak into her bed at night (my sister was also home, so I would definitely avoid her) and
do what I almost did back then.
But at that moment, I had absolutely no clear idea what would happen next, just like a
groom waiting to enter his bridal chamber, filled with blissful anticipation.
As darkness fell, my heart began to pound wildly, my mouth went dry, and even my voice trembled slightly while I was selling things (we had a small shop
at home ), showing just how much motivation sex could provide.
Watching my mother take clothes to the backyard, I went to her bedroom and turned on the TV, pretending to watch it.
The back door of the bedroom faced the front door of the bathroom, so I could see her showering, and conversely, she could see
me enter the bedroom. The bathroom light came on, she went in, and the door wasn't closed, so it seemed certain
. My heart almost stopped beating.
Just then, my sister, who had been selling things outside, suddenly came in and asked what I was doing. I said in
a slightly trembling voice that I was watching TV, and then she left.
Although I was startled, I was still driven by lust. After my sister left, I eagerly
looked out the window, only to find the old bathroom, though open, completely empty. I could hear splashing water
coming couldn't see anything.
It seemed my sister's sudden appearance had the effect of breaking up our affair. My mother, afraid of being discovered by my sister
, simply moved to the yard to shower. Being unable to see anything from the bedroom meant I
wasn't spying, and she hadn't intentionally left the door open for me to see.
Because of this accident, my mother and I's first and only intimate encounter ended without fruition, which is why
incest is more likely to occur in single-parent families.
If my sister wasn't home that day, my mom would put on a naked show for me. Although I didn't participate in her
plan, on a hot summer night, a sexually aroused teenager and his mother, both in their prime
, knew each other's thoughts. Their relationship was a naked man-woman affair, and
it was hard to say how far it would go.
If my sister wasn't there, my naked mother wouldn't have been an obstacle for me. If I
wanted , I could strip naked and move freely in the yard. A naked man and
a naked woman in a safe, undisturbed environment would generally follow primal instincts.
Perhaps if something had really happened that day, my life path and my relationship with my mother might have been completely different.
But then again, even if I had slept with my mom that time, with her rationality and intelligence, she would
have kept it a secret affair and it wouldn't have affected our family life. After all, there are too many opportunities for mother and son to be alone together;
who would suspect anything?
Actually, the story ends here. Although there's no explicit sex, it's absolutely true. Although I didn't sleep with my mother,
at least that afternoon and evening, we had a kind of emotional incest, like a couple about to consummate their marriage,
yearning for each other.
After that, I never had the chance again. Later, I went to university, started working, and my mother gradually aged,
completely losing her sexual appeal to me. However, I've always harbored an incestuous desire. If my mother were ten years younger
, or more attractive, based on my years of experience, I would definitely have slept with her.
Speaking of incest between mothers and sons, based on my years of observation, this is definitely not uncommon, especially
in single-parent families.
If a son has difficulty finding a wife, temporarily using his mother to satisfy his desires isn't entirely incomprehensible. This is
a hidden belief that many people, including mothers, find difficult to express openly. Many single mothers use force against their sons...
After they got together, they accepted it, only asking their son to be obedient and go to work diligently.
In the case of someone who is single or divorced, using their single mother as a substitute for a wife
is understandable to many. I remember my mother joking about this with my father before.
If you don't enjoy this unspoken, potential benefit, I admire your principles. If you do do it, there
's nothing too much to criticize; just keep it a secret. This is different from homosexuality; doing it privately is acceptable, but
making it public is indeed indecent.

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