【Pure and Desirable】(07) 【Author: Kuruma Souji】

Author: Cheyu Souji Word
Count: 14325
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I wanted to keep going until I couldn't anymore.
Why... I don't know when it started, but this seems to have become the greatest meaning of my existence.
Forget it, this is the last time. Don't do this again. In any case, I've finally
broken free from Li Ji's clutches. Two days ago, I threw the things he used to blackmail me into the fishpond in Heijia Village. Watching
the computer and hard drive, tied with stones, sink to the bottom, I felt liberated, and the sadness of losing Bai Heng lessened
considerably.
But why did I set this up to mess with him? Was it because I didn't trust him? Or revenge? I don't know myself. Perhaps
it was just to regain some dignity. He once liked me, and I wasn't unmoved either, but I simply
couldn't bring myself to have "love" for someone I didn't admire.
Making love to someone might be easy. But falling in love with someone is difficult.
Especially for a woman like me, a woman entangled in desire, a woman who isn't free.
If I didn't truly like someone, how could I dare approach him?
Now, I already regret it. Bai Heng hasn't said a word to me these past few days. How could he possibly understand
? He's so oblivious to love, how could he possibly understand a more complex emotion? I chose
the wrong person, it's not his fault.
Ah… these thoughts flashed for only a moment before being interrupted by a new climax. A man
entered my body from behind, and the instant our two penises clashed inside each other, my mind went into a tsunami of chaos
. The tension felt like a net, tightly binding me to the stranger in front of me
. The strong, unpleasant smell of his cigarette emanated from him, but I still couldn't suppress the urge to stick myself completely
to his skin. My fingers gripped his shoulders tightly, and the relentless thrusting of our genitals made
my lower body feel like it was on fire again, not my own, but a wildfire
scorching my body, making me unable to extricate myself.
I knew I was screaming, though my voice sounded distant, but I knew I was screaming because
I couldn't control my voice, nor could I control the impulse it masked. My throat was dry and sore, but
I didn't want to stop. All I could think of was a little water… or even semen would do. Just then, I
caught a glimpse of a glans penis out of the corner of my eye, and I gently turned my head to take it into my mouth. I didn't have the strength to move, but I really wanted to lick
it. The feeling of my mouth being filled made me feel as if all the gaps in my body had been filled. It was as if I were a
boat, unable to have any leaks, or I would sink to the bottom of the sea.
When did this feeling of "incompleteness" begin? Why did I become so dependent on all the gaps in my body being filled
? This wasn't normal; they weren't evolved to do this. But why
was it so pleasurable? Was it really some kind of destiny?
Actually, Li Ji was the one who brought me this kind of pleasure. After starting university, I had always been suppressing myself.
I set all sorts of rules for myself, then spent each month masturbating daily, ending with one imperfect act of indulgence
. My morality was completely lost, but my body wasn't fully satisfied. He tore apart my self-esteem. In the first
few months, I really didn't have any other thoughts, no desire to enjoy myself. But why
didn't he know how to be satisfied? Why can someone like me be satisfied, but he can't? Why does he have to
destroy me completely before he's satisfied? Why did he force me to this point?
Maybe...
maybe the problem is with me. I don't deserve happiness. Not even sex. I'm just a
mistake by God, thrown into the human world without being cleansed, so I can only sink deeper and deeper, yet I can't find peace. My body keeps
heading towards hell, but my soul can't forgive itself. Why, why can't I be a completely bad
person? Like they like to say, I'd even be a bitch, just don't let my heart suffer.
Ahh...they sped up. Like two engines working together, squeezing my body
. I feel like a fruit thrown into a juicer, instantly pulverized, turned into juice
, then spinning, spinning...The urge to urinate is like a volcano about to erupt, I want to pee. But I
can't, I can't pee voluntarily. I can only hope the orgasm comes quickly, maybe it can take away some of
the liquid and make me feel better. I grabbed the buttocks of the man in front of me, as if pulling a lever, and then tried my
best to thrust my lower body towards their penises. My movements seemed to elicit a cheer... but it
meant nothing to me. I was only in my own world of lust.
It was coming. I could feel my insides vibrating involuntarily, and then the rods inside me
grew hotter and hotter, as if they were melting my body. The urge burst forth like a chick hatching from its shell,
pecking at it with its beak... once, twice, three times, and finally it came out! My lower body felt like it exploded, a surge of magma
-like pleasure rushing to my head, as if all the blood had been pumped to the top of my head! A warm sensation
then descended to the area near my vaginal opening, and the energy that had accumulated in my body flowed out from there... like a dam releasing its floodwaters.
My soul was swept away by the raging flood, seemingly drifting a thousand miles away in an instant. My vision went completely dark,
leaving only a dazzling kaleidoscope of colors spinning around me…
Ah… so comfortable… so comfortable…
so incredibly comfortable. In that instant, I wanted to die, to never wake up again, to just die like this.
Ah, where am I? It seems I'm at the bottom of the sea. Very, very deep. I looked up, and there seemed to be a
bright light above me, shimmering on the water. A huge shadow gradually descended, like the corpse of a large fish, or perhaps
a boat. I tried to figure out what it was, but suddenly it felt like I was on fire, my body trembling involuntarily
, and then, as if a rope had been tied around my neck, I was suddenly hoisted up and pulled towards the surface…
Ahhh… I woke up with a start, only to find myself still in that small room. A group of men surrounded
me, long and short penises before me, a stench permeating the air, damp skin clinging tightly
to me, my lower body still twitching, enveloping another man's penis. Who is this? "Have we done this before?"
He grinned, "You little bitch, you're awake? I thought you'd fucked me to death..."
"Ugh... I think I really did die..." I was a little dazed.
"Haha, you know you just peed? You peed the whole bed. It's the first time I've ever seen a woman pee while being fucked."
Huh? I peed... Come to think of it, I did, I didn't feel the urge to pee anymore. I reached down and touched my crotch,
it was cool and completely soaked. Ah, so shameful, so embarrassing... I covered my face, feeling like I was really going to break.
Suddenly I felt a little sad, I didn't want to do it anymore... I didn't want to do it anymore... I covered my face: "Don't do it... I... I
can't take it anymore..."
"I see you're pretty good, you can still move even after being fucked to death. You're a born little slut..."
I wanted to deny it. But I couldn't deny it. The word "slutty" was indeed made for me. I didn't
understand it before, I just thought that the word was the same as "immoral", I didn't have any specific feelings about it. But as
I changed little by little, I clearly knew what "slutty" meant. That's just who I am,
ruined to the core.
A man next to me asked, "Hey girl, who's Ge Fei? Is he your man? You just called his name
, haha."
Ge Fei? I shook my head: "You must have misheard. I don't know him."
Why would I call his name? In my daze, I saw a sunken ship, not a person. But
maybe I saw more, but I don't remember any of it. I suddenly felt like I was in a fantasy
world, not something that should exist here. Do normal women dream during sex? Probably not. They
should be fully conscious, enjoying the caresses, kissing their partners, and then letting them enter their bodies,
completing the process with a sense of ritual. At least, not like me.
Would things be better if Ge Fei were closer to me? I couldn't help but imagine that possibility. If he were right next to me
, would I be more restrained? I wouldn't always need to release my desires, wouldn't have met Li Ji because of it, and wouldn't
have fallen to this point... being taken in by a group of strange men in a strange place, like
a sex toy. It's all just "what ifs." He might just be my "what if."
Do I love him? I don't know. It shouldn't be love. My feelings for him are very vague. I only know that he seems
very thoughtful, sometimes saying things that others can't. He's knowledgeable and has his own
unique interpretations of many things. And he's very independent, not interacting much with others. Perhaps she sees another
version of herself in him—lonely, different, with hidden passion? But this is mostly speculation. He's just a possibility,
a possibility she's unwilling to give up.
No one can truly throw caution to the wind; everyone leaves themselves a way out. Even if that way out
doesn't actually exist.
Ge Fei recently broke up with his girlfriend. He contacted me and told me about it. His girlfriend
betrayed him, seemingly only using him as the end of a relationship. When she found someone new, she
cruelly broke up with him. He made it sound simple, but for some reason, illogically, I thought of
myself. I thought of myself as someone betrayed, abandoned, and used as a tool. Maybe we have something
in common? But that's just a hypothetical.
Why wouldn't I accept him? Perhaps it's simply because I'm afraid to get close. Those who once professed to like me
turned out to be more despicable and cowardly than those men who used me as a tool for sexual gratification. When they hurt me, they
hurt not only my body but also my soul. So why should I get close? To pursue a kind of
pleasure I can't understand? That kind of thing might not even exist.
Stop thinking about him, just make love. This is the last hurrah before the postgraduate entrance exam. Besides, nobody here knows
me, and I've even given them favors; they shouldn't cheat me, right? Although I'm still a little scared, afraid they
might kill me or kidnap me on a whim. But then I think, it doesn't matter
. What difference does it make? Dying from pleasure isn't necessarily a bad thing. At least death is always the way out for those special people
. Geniuses always go mad. Everyone has different talents; some are useful, some are not
. I'm probably a genius at enjoying orgasms. This talent is useless, but if it's destined to lead me to tragedy,
I can only accept it. I closed my eyes, continuing to feel the penis thrusting deep into my vagina, silently
calling for the next orgasm...
I don't know how long I did this. My mind finally became sluggish, and I thought of fewer and fewer things.
Waves of impact made my body completely limp, and in a state between reality and illusion, I exploded again... Fireworks
bloomed inside my body, bodily fluids enveloped me, like spring flowers in bloom.
This is good...
When I woke up, I found myself in a hospital. It seemed everyone noticed I wasn't feeling well, so they took me to the town
hospital for an IV drip. There were only two people in the ward: Brother Hu, He Jiu, and me. Brother Hu was a pretty good person.
He Jiu said he had been involved in a murder case, but that was all in the past. He was now just a businessman,
occasionally cheating to earn some extra money...
They all looked exhausted; the past day had probably worn them out. He Jiu saw I was awake and
said he had to leave quickly, probably to catch up on some paperwork. Brother Hu smiled at me: "Little sister, you're really something.
Don't you know how to take care of yourself? You're clearly not ready, yet you keep letting these guys mess with you. Don't you know
these idiots have hardly ever been with a woman? They went crazy for you. We couldn't stop them, and you still dared to fuel them
?"
I didn't know how to answer. Suddenly, my nose stung, but I didn't want to cry in front of him. I could only coldly say,
"That's just who I am."
He probably didn't know how to respond either: "Hey, if you feel better, I'll take you home after the IV."
I nodded, trying to sit up, but found my whole body ached and I couldn't move at all. He sighed and said, "Don't force
yourself if you can't."
It was indeed difficult, but I still had to go. Everyone was going back to school today, and the teacher would worry if I fell behind.
I forced myself to get up, and suddenly felt a sudden urge to urinate… I was a little anxious. But I could barely get out of bed myself,
so I could only awkwardly beg Brother Hu, "I...I...could you help me to the toilet?"
Brother Hu smiled and held out his hand, "Come on, don't be shy."
Even with his help, moving was still very difficult; every step felt like torture, my bones
cracking, and my inner thighs aching terribly. My genitals felt swollen too, rubbing against my underwear, sticky and
painful. Brother Hu sighed, "Although I participated...this is really going too far. Next time...
"
I interrupted him, "Brother, don't say anymore, I know. I just wanted to get rid of that person, that's why
..."
"It was me, I wanted it so badly..." He was a little embarrassed, "You are indeed beautiful, I understand, we
honest guys, haven't we seen much of the world? Sometimes when we see a woman, we...our brains go crazy."
I didn't respond, gesturing to him at the door, and then, supporting myself against the wall, slowly made my way into the toilet. Squatting down
was so difficult, it felt like I was folding myself up. I couldn't help but wish there was a toilet seat, but unfortunately,
there were only squat toilets. As soon as I squatted down, I couldn't help but urinate. That instant felt like being burned, my entire lower body was burning
with pain. I looked down and saw that what came out was almost entirely a thin, yellowish-white paste with a few
streaks of blood. I felt a little wronged, realizing I had ruined my body like this. A
worry suddenly arose: "Will I never be able to use the toilet normally again?" Then tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.
This was the last time I would indulge, the very last time. I tried to think back to my past self, to my middle school
self. I wasn't born like this. Maybe, just maybe isolating myself in a
place without men would be better? When I get back, I'll rent a place to live by myself, not see anyone, and focus on preparing for my exams
.
After I finished using the restroom, Brother Hu took me to a hotel to take a shower. I tried my best to clean my genitals, but
it hurt too much to scrub properly, so some dried semen remained on them. But it didn't
matter. I tidied myself up and then went back to school. Before leaving, Brother Hu took out a thousand yuan and tried to give it to
me: "Little sister, I still feel a little bad about you. I went too far before, this little bit of money..."
I tried to refuse, because I really didn't want the money: "I can't take this money. We
haven't owed each other anything. I chose how I am now. Besides, you actually helped me, you helped me get rid of
a bad guy, how can I take money? That's like prostitution!"
Brother Hu still tried to refuse: "How can it be like prostitution? This is just a token, just think of it as friends
..."
However, after repeated refusals, I finally didn't take it. Brother Hu had no choice but to put the money away and find
a car in town to take me to Heijia Village. As he was getting off the bus, he said, "Hey girl, if anyone bullies
you again, call me, and I'll take care of them. Anyway, I'm down on my luck, I'm just throwing my life away. Honestly,
being able to... well, to have sex with you once, I feel like I've gotten my money's worth."
Hearing him say "sex," I really wanted to laugh. Clearly, he was trying to find the right word, but he
couldn't even bring himself to say "sex," only "sex," which sounded like he was insulting me. He was just
a greasy, vulgar middle-aged man, and even the things he did weren't exactly respectable, but at that moment, I actually
felt a tiny bit of affection for him. Wasn't this ironic? Niu Zihao, Wang Song, Gu Hongjun, Li Ji—these were all
people who once claimed to like me and care about me, yet they pushed me step by step into a cold abyss. On the contrary, this
person, so close to the bottom of society, gave me a sliver of warmth.
But in the end, I didn't even get his phone number. I knew he was destined to become just a symbol,
disappearing from the life I decided to sever ties with. I believed his warmth was only fleeting; once we got to know each other better,
his despicable nature would inevitably be exposed more—it's just a relativity.
On the bus back, Bai Heng and Li Ji acted like strangers, not even glancing at me. I did
n't feel heartache… even if there was, it had been washed away by yesterday's countless orgasms. Indeed, so-called
attraction was just fleeting. Bai Heng's contemptuous glance made me feel fortunate. If I had really
been with him, who could say he wouldn't be the next Li Ji?
In fact, sure enough, after returning to school, Bai Heng went around spreading rumors that I wasn't a good woman, calling me a
"public bus." Unfortunately, he was already unpopular, and nobody paid any attention to him. I don't know what
harm I caused him, how much damage I did, whether I really turned a good person into a bad one. Maybe I did, but I really don't feel guilty
.
After returning to Haishan, I didn't linger at school for long; I used my teaching stipend to register for a house. On the day I moved in
, I carried everything by myself all day, sweating profusely. When I finally finished, I sat on the edge of the bed,
gazing at the sunset outside the window, and suddenly felt very relaxed.
The sunset was blood-red, vibrant yet not blinding. There are many kinds of dazzling feelings during a climax, but none are as different as the beauty before me
—dazzling, yet peaceful; it's completely different. I cheered myself on: I'm a...
So what if she's a slut? You're still excellent. Live for yourself, and always remind yourself that you're an
independent person—that's enough. If someone like Li Ji tries to blackmail you, never compromise. Don't let
others control your time anymore. Even if your body is a wild horse, you must always have a rein.
Just then, my phone rang.
I picked it up and saw it was a text from Ge Fei. He often texted me after the breakup, but I tried my best
not to reply. I felt I was cold enough, but he didn't seem to be discouraged. He didn't
pester me for an answer like other guys who pursued me. When I was cold, he would quietly walk away
and send a greeting after a while.
"Have you finished moving?"
"How did you know?"
"Didn't you say you'd move when school started?"
"Oh." "
You're going to take the postgraduate entrance exam next, right?"
"Yes."
"You're so excellent, no problem."
"Yes, I need to study now."
"Okay, good luck. You can chat with me anytime, we're good friends."
I put down my phone. The little bit of momentum I'd just built up vanished. I spaced out for a moment, then
tears streamed down my face. Why do you always bother me? Why do you always make me have expectations for the world? Can't
I just be myself?
I hugged my pillow, sobbing, all I could see was the crimson sunset filling the room. Just me, me and Red.
But he was so annoying. I'd finally calmed down again when he texted: "Um,
nothing, no need to rush back." I just wanted to say, you can come to Beijing for graduate school
. There are many schools here that are suitable for you. That way we can see each other more often.
How was I supposed to reply? Tell him I'm afraid to see him? Tell him I'm afraid I can't control myself and will have sex with someone else and he'll find out
? Tell him I'm actually afraid our lives will ever intersect again? Tell him I think it's fine to just be friends,
and not see each other anymore? I couldn't say that I was afraid of losing him. The kind of complete loss.
Even if he was just an illusion, it would be better to keep it.
In the end, I didn't reply. I kept that message, like a zombie.
For the next six months, I tried hard to suppress my sexual desires, locking myself in this room to prepare for my postgraduate entrance
exam. I must say, my innate study instincts were still there; I could still get into the zone when
I was focused. But whenever I relaxed, or went out to buy groceries, I couldn't help but be aroused. Even seeing
the vegetable vendor, I couldn't help but imagine making love with him in the pickup truck behind me, and
by the time I finished buying the groceries, I was soaking wet. Back at the house, I would rush back inside like I was late for an exam, then stuff eggplants and cucumbers
into my genitals. After a painless, mild climax, I would fall into guilt and even more desire.
Occasionally, I would chat with Ge Fei. After chatting, I would feel a little better, but the desire wouldn't be relieved
. I would imagine having sex with him, but that always felt like masturbation. Only by imagining those
men who had cruelly penetrated me inside me could I achieve a decent orgasm.
After three months without sex, my suffering reached its peak. I would even
go to the train station to smell men in the crowd for a more comfortable masturbation session, then go to a public restroom to masturbate.
On the taxi ride back to the dorm, I couldn't help but move closer to the driver and gently stroke my stockings. It was a
subconscious seduction, but no one paid attention. I believe they saw it, but were
hesitant because it was broad daylight. I knew I was already at my breaking point; if someone pounced on me, I would definitely give in…
but thankfully, fate didn't give me that chance. After enduring three months, I seemed to have found
a way to comfort myself. I saved enough money to buy two electric dildos. When I was desperate, I would
insert them into myself and frantically stroke my clitoris to achieve orgasm. I still tried to avoid men.
Except for chatting with Ge Fei, I almost completely cut off contact with the world, as if imprisoning myself, hoping this
self-imposed exile would work. However, a month before the exam, I encountered another bottleneck. My study
efficiency decreased. After becoming irritable, my libido intensified.
I searched online for ways to adjust my state. Many were ineffective; the only relatively effective method
was exercise. I started night runs. The strong winds of northern winters seemed to clear my head and blow away many negative
emotions, giving me a boost and helping me regain some focus. To keep myself slightly chilled, I
even deliberately wore less clothing. I wore a thicker tracksuit top and only summer sweatpants on my lower body,
leaving my thighs exposed. This way, I wouldn't catch a cold and could stay alert.
This was somewhat effective, and after two weeks, I felt better.
One day in mid-November, I went for a night run again. This time, I chose a new route,
running around the back of my neighborhood, passing a quiet little park. Occasionally, I saw a few couples in the park,
but I tried not to think about what they might be "doing" and focused on running.
When I reached an artificial river, a dark figure suddenly flashed past me. Suddenly,
a sense of foreboding washed over me. Before I could react, someone grabbed me tightly from behind,
covering my mouth with one hand and holding a knife to my neck with the other…
I panicked and frantically pulled out my money. I had very little cash on me, and I pulled it all out, trembling as
I held it up to him. But he ignored me and dragged me straight into the nearby woods. I instinctively
struggled a few times, but as he began threatening me and pulling down my pants, I shamefully became wet
…
He seemed to notice this too, releasing his grip on my neck, spreading my legs, and thrusting into me:
“You really picked the right person. You don’t want to resist at all, do you? You’re so horny, hehe… Ah, so warm.”
The moment he penetrated me, I felt dizzy and almost climaxed. In the freezing cold, my entire lower body was exposed to
the cold wind, only the part in contact with the man felt warm, and the inside of my vagina was like a burning fire, as if entirely due to…
This flame warmed my entire body. He was incredibly rough, pressing my legs directly against my chest, his sneakers even reaching over
my head, then tearing open my shirt as he thrust in and out. He slammed his weight onto my body as if venting his anger
; I could even feel my breasts being flattened and squeezed apart, my bones feeling like they were about to break, a wave of suffocation
washing over me. But none of this diminished the sensation of his penis thrusting directly into my vagina. He poke wildly and haphazardly inside
, completely without any rhythm, but months of abstinence had left every crevice of my being ravenously hungry. I
kept reminding myself that this was rape, this was rape, but my body involuntarily responded to his movements.
Although I couldn't find his rhythm at all, the accelerating impact of our lower bodies still stimulated my clitoris, sending warm currents surging to my head. I gritted my teeth, trying not to make a sound, but I still couldn't suppress 　　the involuntary moans of
"mmm" escaping my nose . The man was incredibly excited. He tore open my bra, grabbed my breasts, and 　　squeezed them hard
like a hand gripper , causing me excruciating pain. 　　He thrust faster and faster, and I desperately wanted him to slow down, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. His penis wasn't large, not 　　reaching my cervix, but it was quite thick. I could feel the mucous membrane of my vagina being pulled outwards again and again, 　　then pushed deeper and deeper into my body. Each time he thrust in, I felt a strange, indescribable pleasure— 　　this was probably the special sensation brought about by long-term abstinence. Although his penis wasn't large, it felt as if it filled my 　　body invisibly. My lower body was leaking fluids wildly, turning the sounds of thrusting into a watery, gurgling sound like hot soup 　　… I think anyone around could hear it. This was no longer rape; because of my cowardice 　　, it had become a quick, stop-and-go sexual act… Overwhelmed by shame, I finally felt there was no point in enduring it, and I 　　opened my mouth and released a moan… 　　I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to warm my whole body. My lewd actions seemed 　　to restore his long-lost confidence. He slapped me lightly while cursing, "You filthy bitch, are you happy? Are you 　　happy to be fucked?" 　　I didn't answer, so he increased the force, slapping me hard. I could only plead with him pitifully, "Happy, 　　baby is so happy..." 　　He seemed stimulated by my words, his penis suddenly grew even larger, and the speed of his thrusting increased. 　　I felt he might ejaculate, and I silently urged myself to climax quickly while begging him to slow down a little. 　　I grabbed his shoulders and patted him, "Don't ejaculate, don't ejaculate, please..." 　　But it was no use. He only lasted another minute before ejaculating. I was regretting that I hadn't climaxed yet when 　　I didn't expect the amount of semen he ejaculated to be so huge. The semen poured heavily onto my clitoris, so hot that my lower body 　　automatically contracted like a frightened little animal, tightly gripping his still-erect penis. It kept 　　wriggling spontaneously, like a toothless mouth, biting and sucking at the man's penis, 　　squeezing out all the remaining semen from his urethra. Finally, he pulled out, panting, and cursed at me as he pulled up his pants: 　　"Damn, freezing cold, but lucky you, you're a fucking slut." 　　He pulled up his pants, turned around, spat on me: "Slut." Then he turned and left. I 　　hadn't fully recovered yet. Lying on the ground, my breath condensed into mist, spreading before my eyes, then slowly 　　dissipating. Soon, the residual body heat disappeared, and my exposed skin began to feel cold. I slowly got up, supporting myself on the ground 　　. As I got up, I felt the semen flowing downwards in my vagina in a very noticeable volume. I spread 　　my legs and let it flow onto the ground. So much, so much. He must have been accumulating it for a long time. Looking at the 　　flowing white liquid, shimmering with a dim light in the night, I felt a pang of regret. 　　I must say, my months-long control over my desires was shattered by this uninvited guest. 　　I longed for a few more people around me, to take turns entering me, warming me, bringing me to orgasm. But no one did. 　　Beyond the shame, an unexpected sense of loss overwhelmed my thoughts, making it impossible for me to deny it. 　　I started walking home, the deep shame of my own lewdness bringing tears to my eyes, yet my body was 　　burning hot, the imagined violation constantly assaulting me. I began to admit that I couldn't 　　escape this cycle of desire. No matter how hard I tried, my body would always pull me back into the abyss. 　　The men I'd been with, no matter how despicable, were not the root cause of my downfall; my downfall was entirely 　　my own doing. Even if I cleared away all distractions, as I am now, this fragile self-esteem is so 　　easily torn apart by an unknown nobody. I silently murmured Ge Fei's name, pleading in my heart, "Ge Fei, 　　Ge Fei, if only you could accept me like this, I would love you unconditionally, I would love you with everything I have, I 　　would even die for you." 　　After all, you're the only person I can look forward to in my life. I know how pale this expectation is, 　　without any evidence, mostly based on my fantasies and guesses. But... besides this blind expectation, do I have 　　any other rights? 　　I walked past a row of houses next to the neighborhood, where several hair salons had their red lights flashing. I looked up, 　　and for a moment even had the thought of selling myself there—I wouldn't earn money, I would provide them with free services, 　　so it wouldn't be a loss of dignity, right? But quickly, I extinguished this pathetic thought. I 　　can't become a prostitute like this! Even if my behavior is worse than a prostitute's, I can't, I have to hold onto 　　this bottom line. 　　Just as I thought this, a voice rang in my mind: Haven't you already sold yourself? 　　You sold yourself to gain the support of those men in Heijia Village. You used your body to get them 　　to conspire against Li Ji, giving you the means to retaliate. Isn't that also a form of betrayal? 　　You got a 200,000 yuan IOU, which is essentially a 200,000 yuan prostitution deal. 　　Thinking this, I stopped. 　　Perhaps I've already embarked on a path of no return. 　　I stood at the entrance of that hair salon for a few minutes, hesitating whether to go in. 　　If I went in, with my appearance, probably no one would refuse me. 　　Just then, a figure pulled me away from that dangerous place. Looking back, he probably saved me.

Me. Although it was just a meaningless coincidence, if he hadn't appeared, I definitely would have gone in.
I would have let those men who only wanted to draw for a few dozen yuan lay on top of me and ejaculate freely, and I might have even lived
there parasitically for a long time, perhaps giving up any other form of effort.
But he walked past, an incredibly decadent, hunched figure, his hair disheveled and dirty, wearing a
tattered coat, dragging a snakeskin bag, walking through the dark street. He must have been a homeless man, or
a scavenger. Whoever he was… in the end, I still didn't know his name.
Regardless, when I saw him, I instinctively followed, cautiously. I was like a newborn
chick, seeing a figure and mistaking it for its mother, following behind. It seemed to be following instinct, not reason.
He turned into an alley, and I followed, watching him disappear into an abandoned house. I only hesitated for a moment
. This hesitation wasn't really thinking about anything. If I did think about anything, it was probably just that he was someone
who couldn't possibly blackmail me. He might kill me, but he probably wouldn't blackmail me. So be it. It's better
to die without dignity than to live without dignity.
I went into the dilapidated house. In the moonlight, my shadow stretched right in front of him. His dark face looked
surprised, wondering what I was going to do. I didn't make him think, gently pulling down my pants, exposing my still-wet
genitals, and slowly walked towards him.
He opened his mouth wide, uttering incoherent "ah ah ah" sounds. Only when I brought my genitals close to his face did he begin
to gesture incoherently. Oh, so he's mute. How could I understand what he was gesturing? At that moment, I was extremely
domineering, stepping over him and pressing my genitals tightly against his face, rubbing them together. His breath, exhaled in tension, sprayed
onto my labia, warming my body with an irregular rhythm. I thought, such a blatant display—no
man could remain unmoved.
Sure enough, although he was mute, he wasn't stupid. He reached out his rough hands and began to stroke my legs. I
could clearly feel him trembling. Actually, I was trembling too. We were both nervous and cold. But wasn't this just
right, warming each other with our body heat? I won't ask who you are, and please don't ask.
I grabbed his hands, then knelt in front of him, placing his hands on my breasts and letting him caress them.
He still didn't dare look at me, only focusing his gaze on my chest, then mechanically kneading it. I smiled and
said to him, "Uncle, do you want to fuck me?"
He paused for a moment, then began to nod like a chicken pecking at rice.
I actually seduced a man like this! So blatant, so shameless. But at this moment, I seemed to
really not care. I felt his genitals through his cotton pants; it was a large outline. In an instant,
I felt a surge of joy. The pleasure of being penetrated by a huge penis was already surging in my mind
. I was practically raping him, tearing open the drawstring of his cotton pants, pulling out his thing, and lowering my head to lick it.
It stank horribly. He hadn't showered in ages, and a foul stench emanated from his exposed genitals, yet I was
n't so averse to it. But the smell was definitely different; it was a strong, salty odor. I moistened it slightly with my saliva
, then, thinking it might be too dirty, gently peeled away some of the grime around the glans with my fingers. He
trembled slightly, a little pained by my actions.
"Did I hurt you? I'm sorry…" I genuinely felt apologetic. I actually felt I shouldn't have rejected
him. Since I'd chosen him, what did it matter if he had lice? I held my breath, took
his glans into my mouth, and gave him oral sex with all my might. He'd probably never experienced this kind of service before; his body
trembled, making me think he was about to ejaculate. Thankfully, he didn't. His scrotum was
incredibly swollen; I couldn't even cover both scrotums with one hand, only able to gently caress one.
By the time his penis was fully erect, my genitals were already overflowing with vaginal fluid. I touched myself,
and it felt like an electric shock; an orgasm seemed imminent. I silently said to Ge Fei, "I'm sorry, I'm going to
have sex with this man."
I straddled him, aligning my vaginal opening with his glans, and began to push in. However, as my opening
was invaded by the enormous foreign object, perhaps due to extreme tension, my vaginal contractions were too violent, constantly clamping
down on his glans, making it difficult for him to enter. I twisted my waist, wetting it with my vaginal fluids, one hand holding the scalding
hot rod, like driving a jeep into a narrow alley. Finally, he seemed to get the hang of it too, holding my
waist, his body beginning to arch upwards, but it seemed a bit awkward, and he pushed off-center, almost going in through my anus
. I quickly guided it back to the right path, but unexpectedly, before I could even mount him, he suddenly flipped me over, pinning me down,
and then grabbed his penis and began to forcefully penetrate me.
I instinctively pushed him away, groaning, "Mmm, so hard... how can it be so big... so big,
so hot, be gentle..."
Finally, my vagina slowly began to swallow this uninvited guest. His penis slowly spread my
labia, entering my vaginal opening, squeezing out all the vaginal fluid, which flowed down over my anus, causing my anus to
involuntarily twitch slightly.
"Ah... it hurts, slower, yours is too big... ah... it's going to break... be gentle... ah..."
I kept pleading with the man in a low voice. I was really in pain. Even with the lubricating fluid,
my body, suddenly initiating intercourse, still found it difficult to adapt to such a size. But when the glans entered my vagina, he
could no longer suppress his desire. He calmed his body and slammed me down onto the cold ground. Although
there was a thin layer of blanket he had laid out, it was still so cold that I shivered. The pain made me
instinctively tighten my legs and quickly push his genitals away with my hands.
"It hurts... ah... it's too big... you... ah... don't move... don't move... please...
otherwise Zhou Jie will really die..."
He realized I really couldn't adapt yet, and his penis temporarily stopped moving forward. I didn't dare to make the slightest
movement either, just quietly letting my vagina adapt to this behemoth. I knew I should wait a while longer...
Yes, my vagina should be able to fully adapt to it. Suddenly, I thought, am I actually quite lucky
to have encountered so many enormous penises, to be able to enjoy so much
sexual bliss that other women might never experience in their entire lives… Although there's a price to pay, I feel that the price is worthwhile…
I actively contracted my vagina, and then gradually felt my vaginal walls secrete more fluid, which gradually receded
, followed by a continuous feeling of fullness and comfort. Like the sun breaking through the clouds, or the furnace peak emerging after the tide recedes. A
familiar warmth and comfort that I had subconsciously longed for filled my body, making me feel much warmer instantly. He seemed
to sense the opportune moment and immediately began thrusting vigorously. I couldn't help but cry out, “So big… so full…
ah… so thick… so full…”
This bold and shameless intercourse, which I had actively sought out, brought both humiliation and stimulation, but also a long
-lost sense of relief. The foreign object inside my body continued to penetrate, striking my clitoris, and the afterglow of orgasm was quickly returned
. I involuntarily closed my eyes, tilted my head back, and could feel a layer of glistening sweat covering the tip of my nose,
my body becoming warm and moist. Although the occasional chill still made me shiver, it
was no longer a problem as our intercourse heated up. Soon, I reached my first orgasm, trembling uncontrollably, letting my body
sway and sway, my brain buzzing, and my juices flowing like a valve being pulled, spreading down my thighs, only
to be roughly slapped onto an even wider area, endlessly. The man seemed somewhat mesmerized by my appearance,
slowly reaching forward with his rough hand, wanting to caress my face.
In the euphoria of orgasm, I felt something near my mouth, so I took it in, sucking on his index and middle fingers
as I would during oral sex. His fingers tasted slightly bitter, but to me,
anything that could enter my body was a catalyst for sex. I could even feel an absurd
expectation within myself, a wish that two more people would suddenly appear beside me!
Soon, climaxes came one after another. My sense of time began to blur, and I returned to the long-lost
realm of climax, indulging to my heart's content. So free, so comfortable! An unprecedented feeling of exhilaration, like drumsticks striking my
body, densely packed. My fingers gripped the mattress on the floor, letting him manipulate me. Between climaxes, I couldn't help but
kiss his shoulder. My tongue seemed to excite him particularly, and he interpreted it as encouragement, accelerating his advance
. His body was unexpectedly strong; I never imagined that such a seemingly lewd figure could conceal such a powerful
physique.
I completely lost all sense of time, only knowing that I reached the peak again and again. But I knew that
there were always higher peaks beyond the peaks; my suddenly liberated body was utterly insatiable. I undressed him, and we
lay naked, entwined together in a wad of cotton, making love for what seemed like an eternity…
Finally, in a blur, he suddenly ejaculated. I felt as if I'd been struck by a sparrow while flying
, my body abruptly halted on the ground. A feeling of suffocation followed, like a blow to the chest,
a temporary inability to breathe. Then, a torrent of hot semen enveloped—enveloped—completely submerged
my clitoris, squeezing it out of my vagina with his final, forceful thrusts. The sticky sensation urged me to another
orgasm. My lower body relaxed, and a stream of liquid spurted out. He seemed startled, quickly withdrawing and stepping
aside, watching me shamefully shoot out a jet of water over a meter high, crashing against the dilapidated wall
. His reaction left me both amused and exasperated. But I was truly exhausted, unable to get up for a long time. When I 　　finally stood up, he had already finished again. I looked at his still-erect penis, feeling a pang of reluctance
.
But
at that moment, all the warmth had dissipated from my body, and waves of chills washed over me; I couldn't stay any longer. I put on my clothes and
stayed in his arms for a while before leaving. The moment I stepped out the door, I felt a genuine pang of reluctance, afraid
I would never see him again, and I turned back.
I saw an incredibly sincere look in his eyes.
I knew it was a sincere look because another person had looked at me the same way.
Ge Fei.
My heart pounded wildly, and I hurriedly ran away. I ran a dozen meters before stopping.
No, I couldn't bear to leave.
I ran back to him, meeting his gaze: "From now on, I'll come every week on this day."
He gave me two thumbs up, babbling in agreement, as excited as a monkey.
I couldn't help but laugh.
For the next two months, we had sex repeatedly. At first, it was once a week, but later I found it even harder to resist, so I changed it
to once every three days. I taught him various positions and let him fully experience the pleasure of oral sex. He became
very clean, even dressing up ridiculously. Once, he even gave me a watch—probably
one he found, I don't know the brand, it was very worn and inaccurate, but I still carefully kept it
. The first time, perhaps because my arrival was too sudden, every time after that, a fire was lit, so I wasn't freezing,
and it was quite romantic.
I was very grateful to him. He was there for me during the hardest years. He didn't have a name, so I called him
"Da Gen" (Big Root), which I later felt was a bit...inappropriate, but he actually stuck with that name.
Before the Lunar New Year, I packed my things, preparing to go home. On my last day, I went to his dilapidated house again. I
washed his face, trimmed his hair a little, and bought him a sweater. He put it on and seemed
very satisfied. We continued making love, and after several orgasms, another thought suddenly occurred to me…
I gently struggled free from under him, then climbed on top of him, watching his bewildered expression as he guided his penis
towards my anus…
This was the first time I had ever initiated anal sex with a man…
To be honest, it didn't feel good. He was rather clumsy, completely unable to find the rhythm, and I had to exert a lot of effort to reach orgasm
once. So we switched back to vaginal penetration and continued the woman-on-top position, mocking him as we went, while he responded with moaning
replies.
He was very compliant. That day, I was able to do what I had always wanted to do but never had the chance to. I
gave him oral sex at the end, then held his semen in my mouth and spat it back into his mouth.
He clearly didn't realize what was happening and swallowed it. I laughed out loud, and he laughed sheepishly too.
That night, I didn't go back to my dorm but slept in his arms all night. When I woke up in the morning
, he had already lit the fire again and was waiting for me to wake up. But when I woke up, I was still in a daze.
Where am I? Where am I?
Although I quickly came to my senses, I couldn't help but ask myself again: Where are you? Where are you
?
I knew it was about time to break up. If I let him become attached to me, it might be hurting him. This
was my first time, and I was worried that I would ruin someone. But I hesitated that day. I told myself: When I come back after the New Year, I will reject
him. I can't stay here for too long.
But that was the last time I saw him.
When I came back after the New Year, the entire row of bungalows had been demolished. I stared blankly at the rubble, thinking that, sure enough, the end
always comes. Desire will not die, but life will always change.
It's a cycle, the gamble has started again. I still have to lift my face and move forward with confusion.
(To be continued)

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【Pure and Desirable】(07) 【Author: Kuruma Souji】

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