Love what I love, desire what I desire.

Chapter 1: A Different Kind of Green Hat

Since discovering my wife's infidelity, I've truly understood one thing: life is like rape—if you can't resist, you have to learn to enjoy it!
My wife is a good woman, and "good" refers to many things: she has a great figure, standing at 1.74 meters tall, tall, fair-skinned, and athletic (she used to train in track and field for a while, so her figure is exceptionally well-proportioned and athletic); she's beautiful, dignified and elegant, easily an 8 out of 10 even without makeup; she has a
good personality, not pretentious or affected, straightforward, shrewd, and capable (at 28, she was already the finance director of a state-owned enterprise), and she's also excellent at housework;
she's good in bed, with an open view on sex. Because of her track and field background, she has excellent stamina and is willing to try all sorts of positions. In the three years of our marriage, she has often given me ecstasy in bed.
My wife and I met through a blind date. Before marriage, we had mutual attraction, but not love; however, after marriage, we became a perfect match, and our married life unexpectedly went smoothly. To this day, I still feel that marrying my wife is the greatest blessing of my life.
Before marrying my wife, I had a long-term lover: Ya. For
details of how I met Ya, please refer to the article "Real-world Topic: Feasibility Analysis of Various Sexual Behaviors."
On the eve of my marriage, Ya and I agreed to return to our respective families (Ya was already married at the time) and end this immoral affair. The week after my farewell sex with Ya, I married my wife. At the wedding, looking at my new wife who was almost as tall as me, I silently promised in my heart: Wife, I will treat you well for the rest of my life, I will never betray you, and I will never hurt you! In
the third year of our marriage, I kept my promise, but my wife did not.
In the third year of our marriage, my wife cheated on me. After discovering her infidelity, I felt resentful, pained, and angry, but I ultimately did not divorce her for three reasons: 1. I couldn't bear to. My wife treated me exceptionally well after marriage; she did almost all the housework, was incredibly durable in bed, and was extremely filial to her parents-in-law. These days, it's not easy to find such a good wife, and I knew it would be difficult to find another woman of such high quality if I divorced her; 2. Our feelings for each other were deep. We've been married for three years, and after the initial adjustment period, my wife and I feel quite harmonious now. As a couple who have been together since childhood, I admit deep down that I love my wife. 3. My wife's affair is with another woman, her college roommate. Although I feel uncomfortable, compared to traditional infidelity, my male pride can still barely accept that my wife was with another woman.
Let me explain in detail how I discovered my wife's affair:
Before describing the incident, I want to give a piece of advice to all men: if you don't want your marriage to have any unexpected problems, or if you don't want to be too serious about your wife's physical fidelity, please, please inform your wife of your whereabouts in a timely manner, especially after a business trip. Make sure to tell your wife the exact time you will be home. Otherwise, when you suddenly return home, you might be greeted with a very unusual green hat! I
clearly remember:
that day, it was sunny but windless. The business trip
was originally scheduled for five days, but because the work went smoothly, I flew back to Wuhan on the fourth day.
After getting off the plane, it was already around 3 PM. I initially thought of calling my wife to report my itinerary, but then I thought that by the time I got home, she would be almost off work, so we could have a romantic dinner out. I didn't have to work tomorrow, so I could have a good time in bed with her
that night. I'd been on a business trip to Gansu for the past few days, and had been eating lamb kidneys for days, so I felt incredibly energetic. I was sure I could make my wife pound away tonight, kneeling between my legs singing "Conquer."
When I got home, I immediately sensed something was wrong. My wife's clothes (including underwear) were scattered haphazardly on the living room sofa, and I could faintly hear her signature "Ahhh!" screams coming from the master bedroom. The high-pitched, sharp screams—the melody, the rhythm—I knew immediately she had just reached orgasm.
At that moment, my mind went blank: Damn it, my wife was cheating on me, and she was doing it in our bedroom!
I could hardly believe my ears. My first thought was: Maybe, maybe, maybe my wife was masturbating in the bedroom? Maybe, maybe, she wasn't messing around with someone else in there?
I waited for almost thirty seconds until my wife's high-pitched screams of climax subsided before I began to calm down. I went to the kitchen to get a knife. I initially wanted a large cleaver, but I was afraid of scaring her, so I chose a fruit knife instead. After hesitating for at least a minute, I finally mustered the courage to open the bedroom door.
As soon as I stepped into the bedroom, I faintly heard my wife's coquettish voice inside: "You're so amazing! After all these years, you still make me feel so good."
Hearing this, my heart skipped a beat, my hand trembled, and the fruit knife almost slipped from my grasp. "Damn it, has my wife's first love come back from abroad? Those two bastards, they're actually hooking up again!"
In that instant, all hope vanished.
I calmly knocked on the door, and the people inside immediately fell silent. After a short while, my wife's trembling voice came from the bedroom, almost crying: "Honey, is that you?"
I opened the door a crack, took a deep breath, and said to the people inside, "You have ten minutes. We'll talk again in ten minutes." After
saying that, all my strength seemed to disappear. I plopped down on the living room sofa, panting heavily, my mind blank again.
Less than five minutes later, my wife came running out, disheveled. Damn it, she was wearing the sexiest, most revealing purple nightgown I'd bought her.
When she came out, her hair was disheveled, her face was flushed, her two large, snow-white breasts were almost completely exposed, and her long, straight legs were dazzlingly white.
My wife glanced at me timidly, then tentatively approached me. Seeing I didn't react, she started crying, kneeling between my legs and hugging them. "Husband, I'm sorry, so sorry, I was wrong. You have to forgive me."
I kept a straight face, turning my head to shout towards the bedroom, "If you're a man, come out!"
The person who cheated on me stood behind the bedroom door for a moment before opening it and appearing before me.
I had imagined every possible scenario; I even imagined it would be some rogue boss from my wife's workplace, but I never expected it to be a woman:
a woman even more beautiful than my wife;
a woman as beautiful and alluring as a flower.
The woman wore a slightly androgynous suit, tall and slender, with a full bust and round hips, skin as white and delicate as milk, and striking features; she clearly had mixed heritage. The woman
stood like a model, her eyes alluring yet sharp. After staring at me for a while, she coldly said, "Lin, don't be so pathetic. I'll ask you out again tomorrow!"
With that, she turned and opened the door, leaving.
I stared in disbelief until the woman who had slept with my wife completely disappeared from my sight. Then I yelled at my wife, who was kneeling before me, "You fucking explain yourself!!"
That night, I fucked my wife hard, biting and tearing at her body as I did so. My wife obediently responded. After I ejaculated inside her twice, finally reaching my last drop, my utterly exhausted wife got up, spread my legs, and expertly licked my wet penis.
I groaned, enjoying my wife's near-perfect oral service. After she had licked my penis and scrotum clean, she hesitated for a moment, then suddenly lifted my legs and spread them apart, and for the first time ever, she licked my anus.
My wife licked me, even pushing the tip of her tongue into my anus. At that moment, I felt like God.
Afterwards, she took my limp penis into her mouth again, slowly sucking until it hardened, then gave me deep throat thrusts, at least ten minutes. Just as I felt I was about to ejaculate, her mouth pressed tightly against my abdomen, giving me my first oral sex experience.
Under my wife's five-star service, I was completely overwhelmed with pleasure. After she had exhausted me to the point of being a complete mess, she finally let me go. She snuggled into my arms, clinging to me like a kitten, and whispered, "Honey, I'm sorry!"
I was silent for a long time before finally saying, "Tell me what happened?"
Someone once said: Women are the most wondrous creatures in the world.
Many men think they understand women and know what women truly need; but the truth is, often even women themselves don't understand what they need.
That evening, after listening to my wife's confession of her infidelity, I stared at her familiar yet unfamiliar face for a long time, feeling a deep sense of defeat:
in public, she was a dignified and beautiful wife, a good daughter-in-law, a good colleague, and a good boss;
deep down, she craved passion, desired to have both kinds of sex, to maintain a balance between her lover and husband, and to indulge her primal desires—a wild woman; my wife skillfully played these two completely different roles by day and night, and enjoyed it.
My wife, oh my wife, what kind of woman are you really?

Chapter Two: Women Need Men, and Also Women

My name is Lin.
I love my husband, and in front of him, I play the role of wife and daughter-in-law almost perfectly. We've been married for three years, and he's very satisfied with me. I can feel the deep love in his eyes; this love between husband and wife is the pillar of our marriage, the most precious thing in my life.
In the eyes of outsiders, I am an enviable woman; I have almost everything a normal woman desires.
My husband is young, handsome, successful, and kind-hearted; his skills in bed are so good he could almost be a top-tier gigolo. I am beautiful and sexy, and also quite successful in my career. My in-laws are also good-natured; they've never had a conflict with me since we got married. I know I should be content; I have everything a normal woman desires.
But deep down, I know—yes, I know—that I am not actually a normal woman.
I need men, and I also need women.
Sexually, I am bisexual.
Looking back, becoming bisexual seems like an inevitable destiny.
Because in the first twenty-eight years of my life, I met two exceptionally outstanding men and women whose attraction transcended gender.
I come from a rural area, and from junior high school onwards, my family elders had high hopes for me: I was the eldest daughter among the younger generation in our family, and I was always loved by adults; after entering junior high, because of my excellent academic performance, my family elders hoped I would go to university and bring honor to the family.
In our family, my uncle was the only college graduate of his generation, and now he's a department-level official in Wuhan. He's the pride of the family.
The elders hoped I could become their second source of pride.
I didn't let them down. From junior high to high school, I worked very hard and consistently excelled academically. Of course, I also paid a heavy price for my studies.
For six years—three years of junior high and three years of high school—my daily routine consisted of studying, eating, and sleeping, a repetitive cycle. During those six years, I had almost no leisure activities, let alone dating. But
sometimes hard work pays off. In 1999, I did exceptionally well on the college entrance exam and got into a prestigious university in Wuhan.
Once in university, I discovered that I had plenty of time for leisure.
My long-suppressed youthful desires finally erupted in university.
In university, I did two things I'd wanted to do for a long time.
The first was track and field. I love running. Every time I run until I'm exhausted, drenched in sweat, and almost collapsing, I feel a near-orgasmic sensation. This hobby helped me join the school's track and field team and also helped me develop a fit and healthy physique.
The second thing was finding a boyfriend.
Since middle school, I've discovered I have a very strong sex drive. After I first learned to masturbate, I needed to masturbate twice a day to fall asleep.
Now that I'm in college, I finally don't have to rely on myself anymore.
Soon, I had my first boyfriend.
He was a star player on the school basketball team, tall, handsome, and a graduate student. After becoming his girlfriend, two girls in my dorm immediately became my enemies. There was no way around it; he was too outstanding, the dream man of almost every woman.
Soon, I gave him my virginity.
His performance in bed wasn't very good. Although his penis was quite large, he wasn't long-lasting, and his movements were rather rough; he would finish just as I was starting to feel pleasure.
But I was still satisfied with him. At that time, I hadn't fully experienced the wonders of sex; just having him hold me made me feel content.
But soon, he could no longer hold me.
Less than a year into our relationship, he received a scholarship to study abroad and resolutely went overseas for his career.
When I saw him off, he cried and begged me to wait for him for three years. I tearfully agreed, but deep down I knew that this first love was over.
After my first love went abroad, I felt my world collapse, and I lost all motivation.
Then, my goddess appeared in my life, like a ray of light illuminating my body and soul.
She was my roommate, beautiful, incredibly beautiful. From both a man's and a woman's perspective, she was the kind of beauty that could shake your very soul.
Not only was she beautiful, but she was also incredibly talented, proficient in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting. More importantly, she never had a boyfriend in college.
This unconventionality and aloofness made her the object of admiration for many boys and girls.
Once, a talented young man wrote her a love letter, calling her "Goddess."
Later, this letter was leaked, and "Goddess" became my roommate's nickname.
Before, because of my relationship with my first love, my two roommates were very jealous of me, but my goddess was very close to me; our relationship was inseparable. That winter after losing my first love, many nights, my goddess and I often shared a bed. Her body was warm and fragrant; holding her felt like holding an angel.
During my junior year summer vacation, my crush invited me on a trip. That summer, I didn't go home; I traveled around with her.
That summer, she became my lover, or rather, I became her lover.
During the trip, we took a bath together once, and while bathing, I couldn't help but be captivated by her body. It was the most beautiful woman's body I had ever seen; it was so perfect, truly like the bodies of models in art photography—her skin was incredibly white, her thighs incredibly straight, her breasts incredibly round, and her body soft and alluring like a flower.
It was during that shower that the goddess took me. She brought me to orgasm several times with her mouth and hands. That was the first time I realized that sex between women could be so wonderful.
With my first love, I rarely reached orgasm, but with the goddess, her body was like the strongest aphrodisiac, always plunging me into a blissful state.
My relationship with the goddess continued until after graduation. Just when I almost thought I was going to become a lesbian, fate played another trick on me.
After graduation, the goddess was going to Beijing to pursue her dreams; she wanted me to go with her, but I refused.
I still had parents and friends; I wanted a relatively normal life; I refused to take the risk with her.
Before sending her off to Beijing, she held me and cried all night. She told me: "Wait for me for five years. I'll come back to you when I've made money in Beijing."
Five years later, the goddess achieved her dream, but I didn't wait for her.
After graduation, with my uncle's help, I smoothly entered a state-owned enterprise; later, through introductions from relatives and friends, I met my current husband.
Of all the men I went on blind dates with, my husband wasn't the most handsome or the richest, but he definitely gave me the best feeling.
We moved in together after only three months of knowing each other.
He was my second man. Although he wasn't as handsome as my first boyfriend, he was far superior in bed.
On our second time sleeping together, I was surprised to find that my husband and I had a very harmonious sex life. Yes, he was an expert.
I don't know how many women he had been with before meeting me, but his experience in bed was incredibly rich. He was like a goddess, seemingly knowing exactly how to arouse my desire and bring me to orgasm time and time again.
With him, I felt for the second time how wonderful it is to be a woman.
Soon, we got married.
For the five years after graduation, my life went very smoothly. I quickly went on blind dates, fell in love, got married, and achieved career success (becoming a finance manager in my fifth year of work).
My husband is an exceptionally outstanding man, outstanding in every way: although young, he is mature and stable, and our personalities are very compatible; he is successful in his career, already a department head at only thirty-two; he is physically strong, and excellent in bed, combining gentleness and roughness, very good at pleasing women.
Most importantly, he loves me, and I love him.
Logically, I should be content with such a husband, but sometimes in the middle of the night, I secretly shed tears: I know I still love my goddess.
My body and soul need my husband, but I also need my goddess.
We've been married for three years, and I've tried my best to suppress this extravagant fantasy. Yes, how can a woman possess both a man and a woman at the same time?
But in the fifth year after graduation, my goddess returned, came back to me.
I couldn't resist her, and soon, I cheated on my husband, although it was a woman who cheated on him.

Chapter 3: These days, even women are starting to seduce good men!

I'm not a gentleman.
Before getting married, I tried many sexual adventures: one-night stands: I tried them for over three months in Hangzhou, but gave up because I found it hard to find good ones; threesomes: I tried them with two different couples. The threesome with the first couple was terrible, and I gave up quickly after a few tries; the threesome with the second couple was quite good, but I stopped because the couple went abroad;
lovers: I had two. Ya was my longest-lasting lover. I only completely ended the physical relationship a week before my wedding, and we still keep in touch, but only as friends.
I met Lin through a blind date, and we moved in together in less than three months.
I originally didn't plan to marry Lin, and I didn't even plan to date her at first.
Strictly speaking, Lin wasn't my type.
Lin is too tall, almost 1.74 meters barefoot, and I felt particularly intimidated when she wore high heels; Lin has a tall and athletic figure, which gives her a strong aura; she is also quite assertive and has her own opinions, unlike my lover Ya who is petite and dependent.
But Lin has a nice butt.
Lin's buttocks were round and perky, full like a full moon from the side—a type of buttocks I'd only ever seen on Western women before.
As someone who's obsessed with buttocks, the moment I saw Lin's buttocks, I swore: I had to get this woman into bed.
Luckily, Lin seemed to like me a lot. Less than three months after we met, with Lin's half-hearted resistance, I slept with her.
Lin was an incredibly resilient woman.
She wasn't a virgin, but her vagina had clearlyn't been used much before (her ex was a real waste!), it was tight, extremely tight;
Lin's breasts weren't small, a 36C, but because Lin was quite tall, they didn't seem particularly prominent;
Lin's legs were long and straight, a typical nine-headed figure; Lin's best quality was: she was incredibly resilient.
Lin loved sex.
With Lin, she was like a wild horse, no matter how much I pushed her, she could withstand it and even enjoy it.
You might not believe it, but the second time Lin and I slept together, Lin revealed her true nature as a lustful woman. That night, Lin and I wrestled from the bed to the floor, from the living room to the bathroom. We did all sorts of positions, from cowgirl to doggy style, but Lin even managed to do a one-legged stance and a full split.
With one leg standing, I penetrated her from the side; from that angle, it felt like I was going to penetrate her very deeply. According to Lin, it felt like her cervix was being pierced. Lin lay on the table, legs spread wide, her entire vulva completely open to me. I thrust in hard, feeling like her vulva was sucking my soul in.
Lin wasn't afraid of me thrusting hard, only that I wasn't going deep enough.
She's truly a stunner. Lin and Ya—Ya often forced herself to please me; Lin genuinely enjoyed being fucked by me, the harder I fucked her, the more pleasure she got.
Lin is a woman who enjoys sex, and in that respect, she and I are a perfect match.
After marrying Lin, our marriage was very happy (we were compatible in life, had a harmonious sex life, and didn't have to worry about money, how could it not be happy?)
. The only shadow after marrying Lin was that she had cheated on me while she was stationed abroad.
Lin's infidelity made me very depressed (for details of the infidelity, please refer to the article "Real-world Topics: Feasibility Analysis of Various Sexual Behaviors"), but because Lin's affair was with a young girl, although I was unhappy, I just regarded it as a small episode in our married life. In addition, Lin broke up with the girl very thoroughly afterward, so I let it go.
I thought that Lin's interactions with other women were just out of sexual curiosity, and since Lin and I had always had a very harmonious sex life, I couldn't bring myself to think that Lin was gay.
However, I never expected that Lin was not a lesbian; Lin was bisexual.
Only three years into our marriage, Lin cheated on me again, and this time the other woman was still a woman, and a very beautiful one at that.
The day after I discovered Lin's infidelity, Lin's affair partner, or rather, my rival, Kelly (pseudonym), asked to meet me.
Kelly's first words to me were, "Name your price!"
"What do you mean?" I was stunned.
"Name your price, how much would it take for you to divorce Lin?"
"Fuck your mother!" I roared.
Kelly smiled, her smile still cold and alluring: "My mother died long ago, you never got a chance to sleep with her. 5 million, leave Lin."
Kelly was a beautiful woman, but this woman had slept with my wife just yesterday, and perhaps many times before.
A man, his wife slept with by another, and then this adulterous woman lured him out to negotiate, trying to bury him with money—as a man, would you feel good?
I felt incredibly bad, more than just bad, I was furious.
I immediately stood up and punched Kelly—at the wall next to me.
It hurt terribly, I felt like my bones were about to crack, but I finally calmed down: "Get out, I won't divorce Lin. Don't let me see you again."
Kelly smiled again, and this time, even I had to admit, her smile was beautiful, like a thawing iceberg, spring returning to the earth.
Kelly's beauty lies in its ability to shake your soul. Looking at her smile, you can't help but wonder how a woman can smile so beautifully.
Kelly smiled and said to me, "Mr. XX, just kidding. I promised Lin I would never ruin your marriage, and I can't give Lin a normal life. I wish you a happy marriage, but I still hope you can agree to me maintaining a close relationship with Lin." Looking at
this woman with her radiant smile, I was utterly speechless. I'd seen people pursue decent women before, but this was the first time I'd seen it so openly, confidently, and without any scruples.
That night, before going to bed, Lin said to me, "Honey, how about we stop using condoms from now on? I want to have a child for you!"
A child—those words were like a shot of adrenaline, completely igniting my passion.
We'd been married for three years, and I'd wanted a child for a long time. Lin had always used the excuse that her career was at a crucial stage, insisting on waiting until after 30 to have children.
We'd argued about this several times, but seeing Lin's firm stance, I had to give up.
Now that Lin was actively asking to have a child for me, how could I not be excited?
The shadow of being cuckolded vanished.
That night, Lin was exceptionally attentive, serving me to the point of ecstasy in bed, performing every trick only a slut could pull.
Damn it, just when my penis was at its softest and my heart was at its most tender, Lin nestled in my arms and said to me in a serious tone, "Honey, Kelly and I had a relationship before, she was at least my first love. Can you give me a chance to slowly process this relationship?"
Damn it, slowly process the relationship, if you want to keep cuckolding me, just say so. Hearing this, I was furious at Lin, this little slut who was so indecisive, but seeing the longing in her eyes, my heart completely softened: Fine, fine, for the sake of our future child, I'll keep wearing this cuckold's horn. At least it's a woman cuckolding me, compared to many men whose wives cheat, the color of my hat isn't so green.
A week later, I was shocked to discover that Kelly was actually the behind-the-scenes boss of a major new client our company had acquired two months prior, and now this client was specifically requesting that I be in charge of their contract.
Caught between my career, my wife, my children, and the cuckoldry, I could only swallow my anger.
During this time, Lin also put in all her effort to serve me, providing 500-star service both in and out of bed. According to Lin, many of the techniques were taught to her by Kelly.
I knew this was called compensation for the affair.
Damn it, Kelly, that little bitch, how much effort did you put into seducing my wife?

Chapter Four: Life is like rape; if you don't want to be raped, you can only commit adultery

. Ya has been having a very bad time lately because her husband has cheated on her again.
Less than two years after Ya got married, her husband began to cheat frequently. I believe that Ya's husband's infidelity is definitely not Ya's fault.
First, Ya has a very gentle personality, though she can be a little temperamental occasionally. Second, Ya is very beautiful, with a large bust, long legs, fair skin, and a shapely bottom; she's also very skilled in bed (I can speak to this from personal experience).
With a wife like Ya, who is a lady in the living room and a slut in bed, it's no wonder her husband still cheats on her; it just shows Ya was unlucky in love.
Ya's gentle nature doesn't mean she can tolerate her husband's infidelity.
In the third year of their marriage, seeing no sign of her husband turning back, Ya finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to cheat on him.
Ya came to me.
At this time, I encountered Kelly, a cunning woman, who used various methods to make me accept my wife's affair, leaving me extremely depressed.
Ya and I hit it off immediately.
Three years later, the two cheated men and women committed adultery again.
Every time Lin and Kelly were having an affair, it was when Ya and I were having an affair.
This time, Ya and I felt at ease with our adultery; this time, we unexpectedly discovered that we were very compatible in bed.
Ya is a very high-quality woman—young, beautiful, sexy, and quite skilled in bed. After three years of marriage, Ya has gained a little weight, making her even more alluring and incredibly sexy.
With Ya, I've fulfilled many of my previous sexual fantasies:
1. Uniform Fetish: Ya has found opportunities to be with me in various roles—police officer, nurse, student—(we've also tried it with Lin, but Lin is larger, so we could only try the policewoman role);
2. Anal Sex: Ya isn't averse to anal sex and even enjoys it, but she's very particular about hygiene, requiring thorough preparation before each encounter (Lin can also engage in anal sex with me, but she doesn't like it, and I lost interest after a few tries with her
);
3. Bondage. Once, after tying Ya up, I used two vibrating dildos to penetrate her both front and back orifices simultaneously. After Ya got married and had a child, her bust size increased dramatically (from a C cup to a D cup). I used Ya's large breasts for nipple play, and later I had sex with her mouth. Ya's three holes were being penetrated at the same time;
she was so turned on that she was rolling her eyes back in pleasure, and she fainted twice during that time. According to her later account, she felt so good that her body didn't even belong to her anymore.
The more we did it, the more we loved it, and the more we loved it, the more we did it.
At this time, Ya's marriage suffered another unexpected setback: her husband contracted a sexually transmitted disease. (For details, see the article "Real-world Topics: Feasibility Analysis of Various Sexual Behaviors")
. This directly led to the slow disintegration of Ya's marriage.
When Ya's marriage was nearing its end, my marriage with Lin also ran into problems.
To be precise, I finally couldn't tolerate Lin's infidelity anymore.
Lin wasn't just physically unfaithful; her emotions were also slowly deviating.
Lin spent more and more time with Kelly, and Lin called or texted Kelly more and more frequently every night. Lin would even laugh inexplicably while eating.
I can tolerate Lin's physical infidelity, but I cannot tolerate Lin thinking about someone else while sleeping with me, especially when that person is a woman.
To provoke Lin, I even told her that I had cheated on her.
But Lin actually encouraged me to have an affair. On one hand, it gave her inner peace, and on the other hand, it gave her more time to spend with Kelly.
I finally realized that Lin's heart was no longer with me. At first, I tried to compromise and save my marriage, but in the end, it only pushed Lin further away.
An affair is an affair, even if Lin's affair is with another woman.
When Ya started her divorce proceedings, I suggested separation to Lin.
This time, Lin panicked. She thought she had me under control, but she realized that she only thought she had me under control; in reality, our marriage was on the verge of collapse.
Lin tried everything again to get me in bed, but I was already satisfied with Ya. My penis was already soft, but my heart remained hard.
Kelly came to me again, pleading and threatening, but I only said one sentence: "I don't love Lin anymore. Please let me go, and let yourselves go too."
I drafted a divorce agreement for Lin, splitting the assets 50/50.
To make things easier for Lin in front of her parents, I even told her that I would take full responsibility for the divorce in front of both sets of parents.
Lin cried her heart out and resolutely disagreed with the divorce; but my heart had turned cold. I estimated the time and prepared to tell her about it after Ya's divorce.

Chapter Five: Love What I Love, Desire What I Desire

I am Lin.
My marriage is finally on the verge of collapse.
I longed to have both the man and woman I loved most in the world at the same time. I thought I could balance the relationship, but I was wrong.
My husband finally couldn't tolerate my extramarital affair anymore, even though the person I was having an affair with was a woman.
To balance the marriage and the affair, I tacitly approved of my husband having a lover outside. Unfortunately, I later found out that this extramarital lover was actually his old flame.
I have nothing to say about my husband's infidelity; the responsibility lies with me.
If Kelly and I hadn't become increasingly close, if I hadn't spent five days a week with Kelly, I think my marriage wouldn't have faced disintegration so quickly.
When my husband proposed separation, I panicked, I really panicked. For the first time, I saw determination in my husband's eyes; he was truly disappointed in me.
Looking back on our marriage, I realize I've been too willful. Emotionally, my husband has always been the one making the sacrifices, while I've been like a greedy child, wanting everything and wanting to try everything.
The first time I cheated on him with that finance girl, he forgave me; but I thought I had a get-out-of-jail-free card, and I thought he would continue to forgive me.
The second time, with Kelly, under Kelly and my premeditated pressure (on my career and on having children), my husband backed down.
However, I could sense that he wasn't happy. He talked to me many times, hoping I would come back.
To spice up his sex life, I tacitly accepted that he had a regular mistress, thinking he would be satisfied.
I thought he would continue to tolerate this relationship, but it turns out his dissatisfaction was just suppressed; after all, who can tolerate their wife loving another woman?
This time, my husband is determined to divorce me. He made it clear that if his mistress divorces, we must also divorce.
I'm helpless, and I have no reason to try to save our marriage.
Only when I was about to lose my husband did I realize that I couldn't lose him.
Kelly is the sunshine in my life, but my husband is the soil.
Kelly was helpless with my pain; she talked to my husband, but it only made things worse.
Is there any hope for my marriage?
There definitely is.
Is there anything harder in this world than the college entrance exam? I survived the college entrance exam, and I can survive this one too.
I have to admit one thing: when women get determined, they are much stronger than men.
I did three things:
1. I begged my uncle, who asked his old classmate to help Ya win the divorce case and gain custody of their son. The day after Ya won, I met with her and told her, "You owe me a favor, and you have to repay it."
After Ya knew who I was, she understood my purpose and voluntarily agreed not to marry my husband.
2. I begged my in-laws, only saying that my husband and I had argued and separated, and hinting that I wanted a child. Under pressure from my in-laws, my husband reluctantly returned home. I'm so glad I'm still attractive to my husband; at least in bed, he doesn't reject me.
Thankfully, right after Ya's divorce case ended, I discovered I might be pregnant.
My husband was both surprised and delighted by my pregnancy. I could see his love for me was rekindling. At this time, his parents and in-laws also came to mediate, and my husband finally stopped talking about divorce.
3. The most difficult thing was dealing with my relationship with Kelly. I couldn't lose Kelly, but I asked her to leave for a while. After much persuasion, Kelly finally returned to Beijing.
However, I promised Kelly that I would welcome her back after my child was born.
My marriage was saved, at least temporarily.
Through my deliberate efforts, Ya and I became good friends, now quite close confidantes.
Furthermore, I still tacitly allowed Ya to be my husband's mistress.
Ya is a good woman; she seemed content to be my husband's mistress and didn't intend to ruin my marriage. I must admit, this was very unfair to her.
But the world is inherently unfair. As a wealthy and beautiful woman, she was far better off than ordinary people like us in many ways.
Ten months later, my son was born. Kelly also returned.
This time, I hesitated: should I rekindle my relationship with Kelly, or just maintain a platonic relationship?
Is this another chance to play with fire?
Can my marriage withstand the pain of another act of infidelity?
But on the other hand, why can't I play with fire again? My husband has me, Ya, and our child. I even promised him I could try having a threesome with Ya and me. He should be satisfied this time, right?
As long as I control my emotions and manage the time my husband spends with Kelly, I think I can completely have both of them this time.
I will love what I love and desire what I desire!
As a woman, I will never give up!

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Love what I love, desire what I desire.

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