A Woman's Diary After Marriage

I'm 28 years old and work as an accountant in a state-owned enterprise. Two days ago, my husband and I had been married for exactly two years, but we don't have children yet. These two years of marriage have brought me the sweetness of family life, but they've also made me feel the irritability of my petty-minded husband. My dear husband, I feel that my love for you is being slowly devoured by your unreasonable and domineering behavior.

My husband and I met at a party three years ago. At that time, he had just returned from studying in the United States. He wasn't like the stereotypical "sea turtle" (overseas returnee)—charming and talented. He was somewhat introverted, even a little dull, but from his words and actions, I could sense that this man was stable, responsible, thoughtful, and cultured—a good candidate for husband.

I originally thought that someone like him was unlikely to like a career-oriented woman like me: sociable, sexy, mature, and generous, not conforming to the traditional Chinese expectation that women should be devoted to their husbands and children, staying at home.

At the party, everyone was chatting and laughing, and our eyes would occasionally meet. His face would turn red, but I assumed he was like that with everyone, and we would just smile at each other.

But unexpectedly, after several parties, one evening while I was on my way home, he texted me:

"Weiwei, you're so beautiful. I had a few too many drinks earlier, and I'm a little dizzy now. I can't help it, I want to confess my feelings for you. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Can we date?" This sudden confession flustered me, and I didn't know how to reply.

I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend about a month prior, and my parents hoped I would get married soon, since I was 25. I thought about it for a long time and decided that although I didn't know him very well, it was okay to date him first. So I replied with a surprised emoji and added, "This isn't just a drunken joke, is it?" He immediately replied, "My heart is as clear as heaven and earth, how could I joke about something as trivial as alcohol?!" That's how we started dating.

At first, it was like dry wood meeting a raging fire. His character was pretty much as I had initially judged. Although he was sometimes a bit immature in his actions, he was always tolerant of me and considerate of me, which touched me deeply.

Moreover, I discovered that while he was somewhat introverted, he was actually quite decisive and capable, and occasionally displayed a humorous side. Plus, one of my best friends was his classmate and always spoke highly of him to me, so I gradually accepted him from the bottom of my heart.

Once, we traveled to another city and stayed overnight in a hotel.

We only booked one room, and although there were two beds, I was prepared to accept him completely, even bringing birth control pills.

I wasn't a virgin anymore; I had been sexually active for almost two years with my previous boyfriend. However, my ex-boyfriend always used condoms.

For my current fiancé, I decided to try to take the pill (we agreed not to have children for now). At that time, I was certain he was the man for me, and for our first time, I wanted him to fully enjoy the pleasure of flesh against flesh, to let his essence enter my body, even though I knew the pills weren't good for my health.

But in the end, we only kissed. He said he didn't want to take advantage of me before marriage, as that would make him seem dishonest. I was deeply moved that there were still such traditional men in this era.

Time flew by, and we soon got our marriage certificate. The first point of disharmony after marriage was precisely in our sex life.

Our wedding night, which should have been a precious, intimate night, left me feeling disappointed. I didn't feel any love from my husband. He simply touched my breasts and vagina, didn't even kiss me, and went straight to me, holding me tightly. After a few rough rounds, he surrendered.

Of course, I think he had little dating experience and even less experience with women, plus he was nervous and had been drinking, so he probably underperformed this time.

Not wanting to feel bad on our wedding night, we comforted each other and went to sleep.

As life went on, our understanding of each other deepened. My husband is indeed a talented and capable man, impeccable in his work, and our parents are both wealthy, so our little family isn't financially strained.

He even takes care of all the housework, making me feel like I've found a rare, perfect man in this day and age.

However, problems persisted in our sex life. In the months following our marriage, we made love frequently. He no longer lasted as long as the first time; he could last at least twenty minutes. But foreplay, caresses, and interaction with me still seemed problematic. For some reason, my husband was less communicative during sex than usual. My face, my 36C breasts, and my large, perky buttocks seemed like mere decorations to him; all he cared about was my genitals.

Later, I couldn't resist any longer and hinted at my thoughts to him after sex one night. My husband is a smart man and immediately understood what I meant. He said okay, he would definitely improve.

He did improve a lot afterward; he would give me oral sex, pinch my breasts, and bite my nipples. Although I felt he still couldn't compare to my ex-boyfriend, we were husband and wife after all, and there was no need to be too demanding about such things. A simple, peaceful life is the best!

And so, the wheel of fate continued to turn.

As time passed, the life of the young couple gradually became mundane and stable.

My husband's biggest vice gradually surfaced: an almost insane paranoia.

For the first six months of our marriage, he was relatively normal. Although he would occasionally ask me trivial questions about my whereabouts—where I was, what I did at work, my weekend plans, or if I knew anyone—I didn't pay much attention. We were newlyweds, so it was normal to be clingy; it meant my husband cared about me, and I was quite happy for a time.

However, after about six months, my husband's paranoia intensified. He's naturally sensitive and always tends to think the worst, constantly suspecting I was having affairs. To be honest, I was often baffled by him.

He would say all sorts of random things, like: "You're so beautiful, don't any male colleagues or bosses at work pursue you?" or "You're so sexy, don't many men try to pick you up when you go shopping or traveling?"

I don't know where his suspicions come from, but there's always a reason behind everything. I tried to understand his true thoughts through communication. My husband didn't refuse to talk to me, but it seemed these thoughts were just his imagination, stemming from his insecurity.

I was puzzled; why would a man like him, who seemed so good in every way, be so insecure? My husband answered that it was because I was simply too beautiful. At the time, I was quite happy. A woman dresses up for the one she loves, and having a husband who thinks you're one in a million—isn't that something a woman should be most grateful for?

However, the more outstanding my husband thought I was, the more insecure he became. He seemed to be a proponent of the "personality evil" theory, but this was limited to my social circle. He cared deeply about everything and everyone related to me and would investigate thoroughly.

When I talked to him, he seemed to imply that every man who knew me, even teenage boys, was after me. He said very seriously that all the men I dated were only after me… I was truly exasperated.

However, in everyday life, my husband gets along well with other people, but when it comes to me, he's always tense and on high alert.

Of course, his suspicions weren't entirely unfounded. After all, I am a beautiful young woman, and I don't deny that sometimes among the men I meet, there are a few admirers or even lecherous men.

Sometimes when my husband asks me questions, I really want to tell him the truth. It's not a big deal; for a working woman, handling these relationships is part of life. For example, at work, my boss did make sexual advances, but I couldn't just quit because of that, could I?

Or, for instance, once when I was filling up my gas tank, a passing employee touched my buttocks.

But seeing his anxious, even angry expression, I swallowed my words.

I just told him: "Honey, I'm not as stunningly beautiful as you think. You love me, that's why you think I'm so gorgeous. Actually, I'm not that likable."

But things got worse. The more I tried to comfort him, the more suspicious he became. Later, he even invaded my privacy, checking my phone and computer. He would go to great lengths to find out about every number I'd contacted, trying to see if the person had any inappropriate relationship with me.

He didn't know my Momo password, so he created an account and added all my friends, probing them one by one, even checking female accounts, thinking they were men.

From this point on, I began to find his rudeness unbearable. I felt he was invading my privacy and affecting my image among my friends.

Later, he even tried to contact people at my company to find out about my so-called "situation" there.

After several unsuccessful attempts to communicate with him, I became increasingly intolerant.

Over time, my male and female colleagues at the company would point and whisper about me, as if I had done something wrong that prompted my husband to investigate.

I was often heartbroken and secretly cried because of this pressure.

I began to doubt whether we were suitable to be together. But I still didn't want to give up on this marriage, and I still tried to change my husband, but I often ended up having to compromise.

Later, he demanded that I take as many photos as possible from every place I went and send them to him, and I actually agreed. It made me feel like a professional photographer taking pictures everywhere... He tried to control my every move, making me feel like I was living under surveillance 24 hours a day, without a breath of freedom.

My husband's personality isn't like most men who would yell or shout when they're unhappy; he prefers to keep it all inside. For example, if he's unhappy with something I do, he won't scold or restrict me in a very chauvinistic way. Instead, he'll silently feel sad, which I find heartbreaking. But I also have to say

, "Honey, you're making things up out of nothing, worrying unnecessarily!" Two weeks ago, our company went on a trip to a seaside city. Before we left, he kept asking me how long we'd be gone, how many people were going, how many men and women, whether we'd be swimming, and so on.

I told him everything I knew at the time: about a week, four men and five women, we'd be going to the beach, and we'd probably be swimming. I could tell he was a little unhappy when he heard I was going to swim. I didn't want him to worry, so I told him I wouldn't wear a bikini or go swimming; I'd just play on the beach.

Later, when we arrived, everyone changed into their swimsuits and got ready to go in the water, but I was the only one standing there dumbfounded, looking very out of place. Later, feeling incredibly awkward, I went along with everyone's suggestion and changed into my swimsuit to go swimming... A few days later, when I got home, my husband looked unhappy. It turned out he had taken a day off from work and secretly followed me! He said he had also been secretly watching me on the beach. I was immediately upset, and he was even more upset, saying I had broken my promise to go swimming!

I had no choice but to apologize, but he admitted that while he had been watching me, nothing had actually happened.

I was relieved he didn't know about some things that had happened during that time. Several times while swimming, my boss had secretly groped me, touching my breasts. Later, for several nights, he texted me, directly tempting me with offers of a raise and promotion. At that time, he had a room to himself, and he asked me to come to his room after everyone else had fallen asleep.

Of course, I refused each time. But unlike the previous times I refused him, my tone wasn't as harsh, because I'm also a person, a woman; I need freedom, and I also need a man's gentle comfort.

Just the day before yesterday, the last straw finally broke the camel's back.

My husband seemed to have completely forgotten that it was our second wedding anniversary. He was just chatting with me while working at the company. He tried to video call me, as usual, but I refused, saying my home internet seemed to be down.

Actually, I couldn't answer anyway, because at that moment I was wearing the sexy lingerie my boss had given me, sitting on top of him, my vagina tightly wrapped around his thick penis… Yes, right there on the bed directly below our wedding photo, on our second wedding anniversary, I was conquered by another man. When his enormous glans fiercely ejaculated his semen inside my vagina, I reached my first real orgasm after marriage.

[The End]

(8323 words)

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A Woman's Diary After Marriage

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