[The decadent life of a married woman after she went abroad]

Part 1:

Seeing so many people sharing their sexual experiences, I've also decided to write about the distress and repression that has been plaguing me for the past few months. First, let me introduce myself. I'm 29 years old and have been married to my husband for three years. A year after our marriage, I went abroad to study and have been there for two years now. My husband is still working in China. While there have been times of longing, things have been relatively peaceful. However, in recent months, due to my lust, I've done many things that have wronged my husband, and I'm still struggling with this distress…

From childhood, I've always been seen as a good girl. Because my parents were very strict, my thinking is very traditional. When classmates started dating in junior and senior high school, I felt it was shameful and didn't care much. I focused on my studies and eventually got into Shanghai Jiao Tong University with excellent grades, which made my parents very happy, and I felt very proud.

So I came to Shanghai for university. Many classmates started dating, and although I was more accepting of that, I never had a boyfriend. It wasn't that no one pursued me; quite a few people did, but I always felt that my first love had to be someone I truly liked.

I didn't get my first boyfriend until my junior year of college. We fell in love at first sight, and the two years we spent together were truly wonderful. Even so, I always held firm to my boundaries, only giving him my first kiss, because I always believed that my most precious first time should be saved for my future husband. We were still in college, and the future was uncertain, even though we loved each other very much. Sure enough, after graduation, we went our separate ways. He went back to his hometown of Qingdao, while my parents insisted that I stay in Shanghai, so we were forced to break up.

I was lucky enough to find a white-collar job in a foreign company thanks to my excellent grades and strong foreign language skills, fulfilling my parents' wishes and staying in Shanghai. After starting work, some men pursued me, and colleagues and friends introduced me to potential partners, but I didn't feel the same romantic connection with any of them as I did in college.

I've always had high standards for relationships; "better to be single than in a bad relationship" is my motto. I'm also quite passive in relationships; even if I like someone, I won't pursue them if they don't make the first move. So, I remained single for two years while working in Shanghai. As I got older, my family started to get anxious, especially my mother, who hoped I would find a local Shanghainese to settle down with.

At 26, a friend introduced me to another man. This time, there wasn't a formal introduction; we just went out together. He was her boyfriend's friend, but everyone knew it was a meeting of potential partners, though no one said it outright. This man was a year older than me, a Shanghai native, with a good job in IT. While not exactly handsome, he was of average height, polite, wore glasses, and spoke well, so my first impression of him was quite good.

After meeting him, unlike other men who rushed to ask me out, constantly texting and calling, which made me feel desperate—I didn't like men who would take any woman. He always timed things perfectly, occasionally inviting me to dinner or a concert, and each time we spent together was pleasant, so I always readily accepted his invitations. Over time, things naturally progressed, and we officially started dating.

My parents were very satisfied with him; he was honest and reliable, had a good job, owned a house in Shanghai, and was decent-looking—he met all my parents' requirements. What's even more remarkable is that his parents also liked me. It's not common for Shanghainese to marry someone from out of town, and fortunately, his parents are intellectuals. Perhaps they saw my gentle and virtuous appearance, and my good education and job, so they were very supportive of our marriage.

Come to think of it, someone with his conditions is quite good; what could I possibly be picky about? I'm not young anymore; am I still expecting romance? Besides, after a year of dating, I've found him to be a good person, and he treats me very well. Although our love isn't the kind that's passionate and dramatic, it's been warm and happy. Shouldn't I be content?

So, under pressure from both sets of parents, we got married after a year of dating. I finally upheld my principles and gave myself completely to my husband. When he discovered I was still a virgin, he was deeply moved. Honestly, he never expected that a girl like me, with a decent appearance and figure, could still be a virgin at 26. He felt very lucky and said he would treat me well for the rest of

his life. Our first year of marriage was generally very loving. He truly cared for me meticulously, and I loved him wholeheartedly.

But I still yearned for my long-held dream: to study abroad. I'd had this desire since university, watching my classmates go abroad and feeling incredibly envious. I desperately wanted to see the world while I was young, but the cost of self-funded study abroad was simply too high. Although my family was relatively well-off, the annual expense of over ten thousand yuan was still a lot. Besides, my parents felt that graduating from Shanghai Jiao Tong University and staying in Shanghai to work was already quite good; they didn't think it was necessary for a girl to go abroad.

However, after graduating, while working, I still went to New Oriental on weekends. New Oriental was full of people who wanted to study abroad, and in that atmosphere, my desire to study abroad grew stronger and stronger. Finally, I scored 630 on the TOEFL and secretly applied to many graduate programs at foreign universities, without telling my husband. Unexpectedly, I actually received offers, including a full scholarship from one university.

I was so excited and told my husband the news. Although I knew my husband wasn't keen on going abroad and didn't want me to go, I still didn't want to give up the opportunity. I hoped he could study abroad with me and even planned to help him apply to schools. However, he said his career in Shanghai was going well and he didn't want to go abroad. My in-laws weren't happy either, and I was very disappointed.

A few days later, my husband told me, "He's thought it over. Studying abroad has always been my wish, and he should support me. But for our future, he'll stay in China to develop his career here. He'll earn money to support my studies." My husband even tried his best to persuade his parents.

To be honest, I was really grateful to my husband, but I didn't take a single penny from him. I felt that his understanding and consideration for me was already very precious, and I couldn't take his money for my studies. So, I took my savings from two years of work and went abroad alone.

Once abroad, I had a scholarship for tuition, and I covered my living expenses by working part-time at a Chinese restaurant. Plus, I was always frugal, so I was financially independent and didn't need my husband's help.

After classes started, I met a girl named Fang. She was about my age and had also just come from China to study. The difference was that she and her husband had immigrated through skilled worker programs, but her husband was still working in China and wouldn't be able to join us for a while, so she came to study on her own. Our situations were similar, so we got along well and started sharing a two-bedroom apartment. We cooked, ate, went shopping, and chatted together, so life wasn't boring. We lived together like this for a year.

My life during that year was simple: classes, part-time work, and chatting online and on the phone with my husband. Occasionally, Fang and I would go shopping or see a movie, but we never went to bars. But sometimes, especially late at night, I felt very lonely and missed my husband. Although he often called and video-chatted with me, it didn't ease the pain of separation.

During that year abroad, I went back to China twice: once for two months during the summer vacation and again for 20 days during Christmas. Whenever I had a holiday, I went back to see my husband. He also said he missed me a lot. We've been married for a year, and I didn't feel particularly needy for sex. It was always my husband who initiated it, and as his wife, I felt I should comply. Although he often helped me reach orgasm, I didn't particularly crave it myself. However, after going abroad, perhaps due to age or the long separation from my husband, I felt my sexual desire increased significantly. Sometimes, in the quiet of the night, I would even think about it, and I thought about my husband too.

Once, during a video call, my husband said he really wanted to, and asked me to take off my clothes so we could have sex on video. I understood him and felt sorry for him, so I did. He said he was masturbating while watching my body and wanted me to masturbate with him. Before this, I had never masturbated, nor did I believe that masturbation could bring pleasure to a woman. I said no, just make him feel good, but my husband insisted. He made me start rubbing my genitals in front of the camera, and for his sake, I did.

My husband masturbated while teaching me how to do it, whispering sweet nothings and telling me to close my eyes and imagine us making love. Following his instructions, I slowly rubbed my genitals, imagining making love with him. Hearing his increasingly rapid breathing, I unconsciously rubbed my clitoris harder and actually orgasmed. It was the first time I'd known masturbation could bring a woman to orgasm. My husband said he'd ejaculated too.

From then on, we often relied on video sex to satisfy each other's needs. I felt so pathetic. But since I started masturbating, I often had the urge. Sometimes my husband was busy at work, and I couldn't reach him online. When I felt the urge, I would masturbate, lying in bed imagining making love with him, masturbating until I reached orgasm.

Despite this, I never considered having a one-night stand. I never thought about casually having relations with other men. It's not that no one pursued me; because my appearance wasn't particularly mature, many people couldn't tell I was 29 and didn't know I was married. A man I worked with at a Chinese restaurant before pursued me relentlessly.

Some boys in my class at school showed interest in me, but I rejected them all and told them I was already married. For over a year since I went abroad, my relationship with my husband has been great, and I never imagined I would betray him.

In January of this year, Fang said a college classmate of hers was changing jobs and would be moving from another city to our area. She asked Fang to find him an apartment, saying he seemed nice, and suggested we rent him our living room to save on rent. I didn't object; I was usually away from home during the day with classes and work, and most of the time I was in my room at night, so the living room was just sitting empty. So he moved in.

His name is Feng, a year younger than me, with big eyes, tall, and a bit more muscular than my husband. He's already an immigrant and works at an accounting firm.

Fang said, "He's a really nice guy. He was on the basketball team in college, and lots of girls were infatuated with him."

However, I felt he wasn't very talkative, seemed very busy with work, always leaving early and coming home late. Sometimes Fang and I would cook and invite him to eat with us, but he rarely came out, often saying he'd already eaten out. We didn't see each other very often, just a quick greeting and a few pleasantries when we did. Overall, I had a good impression of him; he was quiet, never brought friends home unnecessarily, and was quite clean. He would help with cleaning when he had time, and he didn't smoke, which was a great quality for a roommate.

So, the three of us lived together for about three months. Having another man in the house was definitely a good thing; if a lightbulb broke or a screw came loose, the two of us women didn't have to climb up and down to fix it.

In April, Fang's husband finally came to visit, so Fang found another place to live with him. We didn't want to rent to strangers, so he moved from the living room to Fang's original room. Since a friend of his was going back to China, we left him a sofa, a coffee table, a TV stand, a TV, a DVD player, and some other things. He said we could put these in the living room so his friend would have somewhere to sit, and we wouldn't rent out the living room.

After Fang moved out, we started living together. At first, it was a little awkward, since it was just the two of us. When friends come over, they sometimes jokingly ask, "Aren't you afraid to live alone with a man?" I tell them it's not that serious. I've lived with him for a while and know him fairly well; he's not the kind of man with bad character who would do anything reckless.

Indeed, after we moved in together, things weren't much different. He still left early and came home late, and I rarely saw him because of classes. When we did meet, we'd just chat briefly, mostly about his work and my studies. I never saw him trying to get close to me; he probably knows I'm a married woman and wouldn't be interested in me anymore.

Most of the time, he stayed in his room when he came home, and I stayed in mine; we rarely went out together. Occasionally, we'd cook and eat together on weekends, chatting casually for a bit, and after he washed the dishes, he'd go to his room. He rarely even joked with me; maybe we weren't that close yet.

We lived together like this for two months without any problems. I still video-chatted with my husband at night in my room, and sometimes I masturbated alone. But one day, two months later, something unexpected happened, and from then on, I fell into an incurable abyss…

In May, he said he was going on a business trip out of town for a week. For the first two days, I was a little scared, after all, I had never lived alone before. Although we usually went our separate ways at night, there was always someone else at home, and now it was suddenly quiet. But after two days, I got used to it and thought living alone wasn't bad, quite free, I could do whatever I wanted.

That week, I had just finished my midterms and was relatively free, so I rented some DVDs to watch at home. Since he wasn't home, I simply took them to the living room and played them on the DVD player. Watching on the big TV was much more enjoyable than on the computer. After watching those TVB dramas for two days, I got a little bored.

That night, I had arranged to video chat with my husband. When I was ready to go online and be intimate with him, I saw his message saying that he had to work overtime that day and couldn't be online with me, and he was very sorry. I was incredibly disappointed, so I picked up an adult film and went to the living room to watch it. The more I watched, the more I wanted it. I was really into it, and I didn't want to go back to my room. I figured he wouldn't be back until the day after tomorrow, and I'd be home alone, so I lay down on the sofa, watching the film while taking off all my clothes and starting to masturbate.

I lay naked on the sofa, eyes closed, imagining what it would feel like to have sex with my husband. I rubbed my labia, clitoris, and clitoral hood slowly, but after 20 minutes, I still hadn't reached orgasm. When I first started masturbating, I could feel it in a few minutes, but as I did it more often, it became less effective. Several times before, I'd faked orgasms during video calls with my husband to make him feel better, but I hadn't actually come.

But today, I really wanted it, so I kept rubbing. Suddenly, the door opened, and Feng came home. As soon as he entered, he saw the adult film playing on TV, and me lying naked on the sofa, eyes closed, masturbating with ecstasy.

He froze, standing there staring at me.

I was suddenly startled and cried out, immediately covering my chest, utterly ashamed.

He suddenly approached me and said, "Do you really want it? Let me help you."

I called him shameless and told him to leave, but he didn't say anything and went back to his room.

I sat alone on the sofa for two minutes, stunned. Just as I was about to go back to my room, I unexpectedly saw Feng standing naked in front of my door, blocking my way. He begged me to help him; he was incredibly hard and it was so uncomfortable. I looked down at his body and saw a huge, erect penis, bigger and thicker than my husband's. The red glans made my heart itch; this was the big cock I had longed for. I wanted it so badly, but reason told me I couldn't.

I still insisted on telling him no, that I couldn't betray my husband.

He said, "I know you want it too. Let's comfort each other. I promise I won't go inside, so you won't betray your husband."

Looking at that big cock, I was a little tempted, but still hesitated. He repeatedly assured me that he wouldn't penetrate me, that we'd just have some light sex, caress each other, and masturbate each other to orgasm. He said he was in so much pain and begged me to help him. I finally relented, but made him swear he wouldn't penetrate me.

So, on my bed, we began to make love, two hot, naked bodies embracing each other. I masturbated him, and he rubbed my labia.

But we weren't satisfied. He said, "Let's give each other oral sex, that would be more intense."

I refused. I'd never done oral sex before, not even with my husband. How could I let another man do that? My husband had never licked my own, and I'd always thought oral sex was dirty. I disagreed, but he didn't force me.

We did that to each other for a while, and he said he still couldn't ejaculate and felt uncomfortable from the fullness. He asked if I could gently rub the entrance of my vagina, promising not to go inside, and I agreed.

He placed his large penis at the entrance of my vagina. It felt so hard and hot, wet and slippery. He rubbed against my labia, sometimes poking my vulva with the head of his penis, and occasionally flicking my genitals with his penis. He kept rubbing around my vulva while sucking on my nipples. I couldn't take it anymore; my vagina was so itchy, yet he still hadn't ejaculated and was still so hard. He was really strong. His large penis was still gripping my vaginal opening. I finally couldn't control myself and cried out to him, "Put it in! I'm so itchy, please put it in me!"

He thrust into me forcefully. My heart skipped a beat; I knew it was over. "Husband, I'm sorry, I've betrayed you again."

He thrust in and out, and I couldn't care less anymore. I was enjoying it to the fullest. The feeling was heavenly. It was the first time I had ever felt sex so good, so comfortable. I had an orgasm, an incredibly intense one. He said he was about to ejaculate, so I quickly made him pull out. We had agreed beforehand not to go inside, and neither of us had used a condom. Luckily, he controlled himself well and pulled out, pouring his fluids onto my breasts. They were hot and felt so good…

After the passion subsided, I cried. I told him I had betrayed my husband, and I scolded him for lying to me, saying he wouldn't go inside.

He said he didn't mean it, he just couldn't control himself, he really wanted to go inside, and that I was the one who asked him to, that I had begged him to go inside several times. I was speechless. But he still apologized to me many times, saying he would never do it again.

After this incident, I felt extremely guilty. For several days, I didn't dare contact my husband or answer his calls. I truly regretted letting myself fall into this state. For those few days, he tried to come home very late, and we almost never saw each other, avoiding each other. We were both deliberately avoiding each other. I was troubled for several days, feeling that I couldn't stay here any longer; otherwise, I would never forget this incident and would never be able to face him. So I hurriedly found a place online, and a week later, I moved out. He helped me move without saying a word.

I moved to a foreigner's house; this time it was a house. The landlady was an old lady, a nice person, and there were a few other tenants. I tried to keep myself busy every day, hoping to forget about it as soon as possible. At first, it was okay, but not long after, the lust in my heart gnawed at me like a poisonous insect. Once this happens, it will happen again, a second time, a third time…

Part 2:

After reading everyone's replies, I was surprised to find that many people understood me, which made me even more ashamed. Because I didn't restrain myself because of distress and self-blame, and under the indulgence of lust, I became increasingly out of control. Continuing my story… It

's been over a week since I moved to the old lady's house. I try my best not to think about these things, but I still can't control myself, especially at night. When I masturbate, I always think about the scene of having sex with Feng that day, and I masturbate while thinking about it.

Before, when I masturbated, I fantasized about having sex with my husband. Now, all I can think about is the scene with him that night. Even when I video chat with my husband and have sex, I think about having sex with Feng. I know it's wrong, but I don't know why, maybe it's because it's exciting. Only by imagining Feng penetrating me can I masturbate to orgasm. Now, video chatting with my husband doesn't work for me anymore; I can only pretend to satisfy him each time. But who will satisfy me? I'm becoming increasingly horny, but I still resist the urge to see him.

One night, two weeks after moving, Feng suddenly called me. I was excited when I saw his number and answered.

His voice was deep, and he said, "I miss you." After hesitating for a moment, he asked, "Can you come see me?"

I didn't give myself time to think and refused outright. He hung up. After hanging up, I felt very disappointed and could only fantasize about having sex with him and masturbate, but the pleasure from masturbation was getting less and less. Another month passed like this. He didn't call me again, and we never saw each other again. I thought that was the end of our relationship.

One day, Fang called me and said it was her birthday that weekend, and she planned to invite a few friends over to her house for a get-together, and also to see their new home. Of course, Feng and I were also invited. I wasn't really keen on going, but it would be impolite not to go on Fang's birthday, and since there were so many people, I figured it wouldn't hurt, so I agreed.

When I arrived at Fang's house that day, I saw Feng, just as expected. It had been over a month since I'd seen him, and it was a little awkward. Every time he looked at me, his eyes burned like fire, making me feel like I was standing naked in front of him—very unnatural. Luckily, there were many people, and we didn't talk to each other alone. We all ate together, and afterwards played cards, with the loser drinking.

Later, I saw it was getting late, and remembering I had plans to go online with my husband over the weekend, I said I had to leave. Feng said he was leaving too, and since he had a car, he offered to give me a ride home. I said no, I could take the bus. Fang and her husband disagreed, saying it was so late, and I'd had a few drinks—not very drunk, but a little tipsy—and they didn't want me to take the bus home alone. It was raining heavily outside, so I couldn't insist any longer and agreed to let Feng drive me.

We didn't speak a word the whole way. He drove, and I sat quietly, just hoping to get home quickly. Finally, we arrived at my doorstep. I said, "Thank you," and was about to get out when Feng suddenly grabbed me, kissing me passionately and grabbing my breasts forcefully. He said he'd been going crazy thinking about me for the past month. Ignoring my resistance, he roughly tore open my clothes and sucked on my nipples.

I finally couldn't take it anymore. I'd wanted to for a long time too. Under the influence of alcohol, I began to respond to his kisses, my hand involuntarily reaching for his penis, which was already bulging like a tent. I finally pulled out the penis I'd longed for countless nights; it was hot and sticky. I held his penis in my hand.

He suddenly stopped, leaned close to my ear, and asked, "Do you want it?"

I was already very wet, so I could only nod.

He said, "I'll satisfy you."

Then he drove to an empty parking lot behind my house and parked. I could only silently say to my husband, "I'm sorry, honey, please let me relax one more time, just the last time."

At midnight, we made love passionately in the car. Outside, it was pouring rain, but inside we were drenched in sweat and wet. Perhaps because it was my first time making love with a man in a car, it felt incredibly exciting and pleasurable. I discovered that I actually enjoyed exciting sex.

That night, we made love in the car for over two hours, and he gave me three orgasms. Just after the second orgasm, my husband's phone rang. I knew he must be worried because I wasn't online yet, so I answered weakly. At that moment, his penis was still inside me. My husband

asked, "What's wrong? You said you'd been waiting for me for a long time, why haven't you gone online?" I could only make an excuse that I had a bit of a cold and needed to rest early. My husband told me to rest well and take care of myself. While talking to my husband, I felt Feng slowly starting to thrust again. I couldn't take it anymore; my breathing became rapid, so I hung up immediately.

My husband's call didn't remind me to stop; instead, it aroused me even more.

After hanging up, Feng asked if it was my husband on the phone.

I said, "Yes."

He said, "While you were talking to your husband, you had another man's penis inside you. Wasn't that great?"

Hearing this, I suddenly felt a surge of pleasure, realizing how lewd I was, and started moaning.

He noticed my reaction and continued, "Your husband is watching you having sex with another man in the car. I'm going to fuck you right in front of your husband, fuck you to death!" As he spoke, he thrust his penis forcefully, making me wet.

In the quiet night, the only sound was the friction of our flesh rubbing together.

I lay on the car seat, writhing, and he continued, "You look so gentle and virtuous on the outside, but I never expected you to be so lewd inside. You're so slutty, letting other men fuck you in the car behind your husband's back. Want me to fuck you?"

For some reason, hearing these words aroused me. My husband never said these things when we made love before; I would at most make a few soft moans. Today, in the car, I actually enjoyed Feng calling me slutty, calling me a whore, and even begging him to fuck me hard, to fuck me to death. I never thought I would say such things. But it was really exciting, so pleasurable that I was completely overwhelmed. I had another orgasm, and Feng ejaculated too, this time inside me. He made me orgasm three times in two hours, and I was almost exhausted.

We lay down to rest for a while, the back seat of the car already soaked with semen. We finally sat up and straightened our clothes, both of us drenched in sweat. I was embarrassed and eager to get out of the car, but Feng said he wanted to sit with me for a while. He said he knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight and would feel distressed and guilty, and he didn't want me to

go home alone and overthink things, so he offered to talk to me. We sat in his car and talked. This was our first real conversation. Before, our conversations were always casual and disjointed. After our last time we made love, he apologized to me many times and then went back to his room. After that, we avoided each other and didn't speak to each other at all. Today, after our second time together, we actually started talking in the car.

I asked him, "What was your impression of me before?"

He said he thought I was a gentle and virtuous woman, probably quite intelligent, and likely had good grades. He often saw me explaining problems to Fang, but he absolutely had no ulterior motives towards me. He never had any romantic feelings for married women. Besides, I was too bookish and not particularly attractive to him; he preferred more lively girls.

Before he saw me masturbating, he hadn't paid much attention to me. But when he saw that scene, he was surprisingly aroused and even slept with me, something he hadn't expected. He regretted it afterwards, so he didn't stop me from moving. But after I moved out, he said that every time he closed his eyes, he would think of me lying naked on the sofa, masturbating with my eyes closed—it was so alluring.

I said, "You're not bad looking, why don't you find a girlfriend?"

He said he'd had a few before, but they broke up. He'd only been in our city for a few months, and with work he was busy, so he hadn't looked for anyone. Besides, he was in the startup phase and wasn't thinking about finding someone for the time being. He'd always thought he could live

without a woman. Although he knew he was very strong, he hadn't thought he had a high sex drive before, but after that time with me, he experienced a pleasure he'd never felt before. He said he'd never felt that way with any of his previous girlfriends, and he wondered if it was because I was someone else's wife that he found it so exciting.

He said that in the days after I moved out, he masturbated much more often, always imagining me naked, lying on the sofa, masturbating. A few times he even lay down on the sofa in the living room where I used to lie to smell my scent. One night, he couldn't resist any longer—the night he called me. He really wanted to come see me, but I firmly refused. He also felt he shouldn't have those thoughts about me anymore.

So, for the first time in his life, he went to a prostitute. But when he actually went, looking at the prostitute, he said he felt nothing. He ultimately didn't do it. He said only seeing me gave him that strong desire, and only having sex with me could give him that kind of pleasure.

He frankly said, "I know you have a husband, and you love your husband very much. What we're doing is wrong. I'm not even sure if I really love you. I can only say that I'm hopelessly infatuated with your body."

He said, "I can see you feel the same way. Although you're trying to control yourself, we can indeed satisfy each other. It's already lonely in a foreign country; why make ourselves suffer? We're already like this, and I don't want to deliberately restrain myself anymore. Let's enjoy each day as it comes, and comfort each other when needed, okay?"

I remained silent. What he said resonated with me. I felt the same way, but the pangs of conscience prevented me from readily agreeing. We talked in the car until 3 a.m. I went home to sleep, but I couldn't fall asleep, tossing and turning in bed. Feeling another man's fluids inside me, I even worried I might be pregnant. Thankfully, my period came, which relieved me.

After that, two sexual encounters, plus that deep conversation that night, made Feng and I much closer. He became more unrestrained, no longer calling to ask if I could come over, but instead just rushing to my door whenever he felt like it. And every time he came, we would definitely have sex. I couldn't resist him; in fact, if he didn't come, sometimes I would even think about it, but I never initiated it.

The following week, he came 3 or 4 times a week. He said he wanted to have sex with me whenever he saw me. The first few times he came to my house, he couldn't wait to strip me naked and have sex with me intensely as soon as he entered the room. Every time, we were very satisfied. Later, he sometimes came directly over after work to have dinner together.

Ever since that time in the car when he discovered I liked him talking about my husband having sex with me, sometimes he would come to my house. I'd be cooking in the kitchen when my husband called. Whenever my husband called, if he was nearby, he'd start kissing me, touching me, and then slowly moving his hand down to my genitals. I'd try to appease him while pushing him away, but it was no use. He could always make me wet. I couldn't take it anymore, so I'd hang up, and then we'd have sex.

I especially loved that feeling; the more I felt my inner lust, the more frantic I became.

We continued to have sex every few days, usually when he came to my house. Sometimes we'd do it in the bedroom, and while he was penetrating me, he'd say, "I bet my tenants know he's coming, he's just here to have sex with me. They say they're all listening outside." The more he said that, the more excited I became, and so did he. But afterwards, whenever I ran into my mother-in-law or the tenants, I was afraid they'd actually hear and I'd feel embarrassed.

Another month passed like this. Although I always refused him when he came, I always gave in. He suddenly stopped coming. A week passed, and I couldn't take it anymore. Even though I still video chat with my husband sometimes, it's just for show, just to satisfy him. A week without sex, and I couldn't stand it anymore, but I still resisted calling him. A few more days passed, and he still didn't come. I figured he was probably tired of me. Good, it can't go on like this forever.

I wanted to forget, but lust kept growing inside me. I really wanted to go to his house, but I held back. But the weather was getting hotter. I was in a rush moving, and I hadn't brought many things with me. The fan was still in the old house. I don't know if I was making excuses or what, but that night was really hot. I decided to go get the fan. I still had the key, so I didn't tell him and just went to get it myself. I thought if he really had lost interest in me, I'd just take the fan and leave. Besides, he might not even be home; maybe he'd found a suitable girl and gone on a date. So I went over by

myself. When I opened the door, the living room light was off. I thought he really wasn't home. A wave of disappointment washed over me, so I went into the storage cabinet to look for the fan.

A moment later, I was suddenly hugged from behind. I turned around and saw Feng. He said, "You're finally here! I missed you so much!" Then he started kissing me.

I pushed him away and said, "You've been home all this time. What have you been doing these past few days?"

He smiled slyly and said, "Did you miss me? Did you want me?"

I ignored him.

He said, "I deliberately didn't contact you these past few days. I wanted to see how long you could hold back. I'm always the one who initiates contact. It's like every time I go to your house, it's just to vent my frustrations on you. And you always resist a little, making me feel like a beast, like I'm forcing someone into prostitution. We're together because we need each other, it's mutual, isn't it?"

I said, "I thought you had a girl you liked, that you had a girlfriend."

He smiled and said, "Since I've been with you, you're all I can think about. How could I be interested in other women?" He hugged me, started kissing me, unbuttoning my clothes, and taking them off.

This time I was very docile and cooperative. He led me into the bathroom, and we showered together. Then, for the first time, we did it again at his house, our old house. This time, we performed oral sex on each other for the first time. It was my first time giving oral sex to a man, and it wasn't even my husband! Oral sex felt amazing; I actually really enjoyed it.

I greedily sucked on his large glans, and he licked my vulva, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. We played 69. After the climax, we were both hungry, so we went to the kitchen to get something to eat. After eating, I was planning to have him take me home, but he said, "Let's be romantic and go to the balcony to look at the stars." So we got two deck chairs and sat on the balcony looking at the stars.

The moonlight was beautiful tonight. He looked at me and started kissing and hugging me again. Gradually, our breathing became rapid again. I wanted to go back to my room, but Feng grabbed me and we made love on the balcony under the open sky. It was incredibly exciting for me. With Feng, he always gave me different kinds of stimulation. I didn't go home that night; it was the first time we spent the night together.

When I woke up the next morning, I inevitably had another round of lovemaking. We did it three times that night. I was so weak and listless when I went to class the next day. Feng said, "I love seeing me exhausted and rolling my eyes when he does it to me. It makes me really happy."

I told Feng, "Let's be more moderate in the future. It's not good for your health if we do it too often."

He said, "I can't help it. As long as I'm with you, I have a sexual desire. I can't control it. He even blames me for making him sexually frustrated."

Actually, I feel the same way. He said we might be destined to be together from a past life, like dry wood meeting a raging fire.

To this day, we've maintained this relationship for over three months. We would have sex whenever we met, and we started trying different positions: front, back, standing, sitting, him holding me while I leaned against the bathroom wall while he fucked me—we tried them all. I felt myself becoming more and more lewd, even imitating the actresses in porn movies, sitting on Feng's glans, twisting my body and screaming wildly, thrusting back and forth. Whenever this happened, Feng would make me think about what my husband would think if he saw this. He kept calling me a slut, a whore, which only made me more frantic.

We've done it in many other places: my kitchen, the bathroom, and once in a movie theater. There were very few people in foreign theaters at night, and we sat in the last row. The movie was a bit R-rated. While watching, Feng touched me, and I started to get aroused. Feng made me sit on him; I was wearing a skirt, and he unbuttoned it, exposing his penis, and started penetrating me. That time was incredibly exciting. Although I now enjoy the pleasure sex brings me, I still suffer from a guilty conscience. I started making excuses about being busy with studies and contacting my husband less.

I originally planned to go back home for a month in August during the summer vacation, but I said I had to stay here to study for the CA exam and couldn't go back. When I told my husband I couldn't go back for the summer, I could tell he was very disappointed, but I really didn't dare to go back and face him. I feel like I've already given up entirely. My husband knows all this and definitely won't forgive me. I've thought about being honest with him, about divorce, not because of Feng. I know there's no future with Feng. He's never said he wanted to marry me, and I've never asked. Maybe we're both still unsure whether we love each other as people or just our bodies.

But I really feel like I'm no longer worthy of being my husband's wife. Thinking back to when I married him, I was a pure virgin, and after two years abroad, I've become a slut. I can't turn back. I don't have the courage to tell my husband because I'm too ashamed, and I know he wouldn't be able to handle it if he heard all this. I don't want him to suffer such a huge hurt and blow. I don't know what to do. I can only live one day at a time, so I absolutely can't take the first wrong step. Once my defenses are broken, I'll only get more and more depraved…

[The End]

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[The decadent life of a married woman after she went abroad]

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