【Like a shadow】(1)

I was born in Meishan, Sichuan, and grew up in Chengdu, but my height is completely unlike that of a typical Chengdu person. At 183cm tall and

165kg, I'm a typical robust northern man, yet I am indeed from Sichuan.

I'm now thirty years old, and have traveled across much of China. Women have come and gone in my life, but amidst this sea of beauties, I can

never find that same flutter of the heart I felt in college. That ethereal, fairy-like Yao girl is destined to take away

my lifelong longing.

Now I'm in Guangzhou, my main business is in Shenzhen, and my main activity area is Dongguan.

In Shenzhen, I always stay at the same hotel. By chance, I've come to love the head massage there. A

woman from Northeast China, three years my senior, has superb skills and is very genuine. Each time, I leave my money on the table while she

massages . I go from aching to comfortable, to relaxed, and finally, I drift off to sleep. After hearing my snoring, she quietly collects

the money and leaves, completely ignoring my computer and wallet.

September 19th was her birthday. I made an overseas call to Canada, and she happily told

me that her second child was about to be born, but they hadn't named it yet, and she asked for my suggestion. I told her, "When we first

met , I called you Angel. An angel's offspring is naturally an angel, so let's call you Gabri

El, Archangel, representing justice, truth, and blessings." I paused, then continued, "...and blessings." After

hanging up, I felt an unprecedented exhaustion. I called my usual masseuse to come up for a massage,

but she said she was on leave. I impatiently told her to just send someone else.

The doorbell rang, and I went to open the door, but I froze. How had fate treated me? Seven years ago, I took her from my

side to a foreign land, and today, had it returned her to me? The girl, seeing me standing there,

asked curiously, "Sir, did you call for a massage?" I nodded, regained my composure, and invited her inside. The girl was very young,

just like she had been years ago, but under the bright lights in the room, I saw that it wasn't her after all.

The girl started massaging me, and my head began to ache. I was just tired after the phone call, but now it was a real

headache. I complained, and the girl said, sounding aggrieved, "This is only my second time massaging a customer. I can't help it. How about I

get you someone else?" I nodded helplessly. She seemed relieved, jumped up excitedly, and ran towards the door. Suddenly,

a thought struck me—her movements reminded me of her. Back then,

when we walked hand-in-hand by Weiming Lake every day, she would skip around like that too. I called after her, "Never mind, I won't change. You're fine. But be

gentle, okay?"

The lamplight was soft, and up close, she looked even more like her. Suddenly, I nervously asked her, "Are you

from Yunnan?"

"No, I'm from Sichuan."

A fellow townsman! "Which part of Sichuan?"

"You wouldn't know even if I told you, why ask?"

She was indeed a fiery girl from my hometown. I laughed, "How about this, if you tell me I don't know, I'll

treat you to a late-night snack later."

"Then, no backing out! I'm from Ya'an, you know?"

"Haha, so you're from Ya'an, my apologies." I changed my deep accent and laughed heartily. The little girl

was surprised: "You know Ya'an girls?"

"Of course! Ya'an has three 'Ya's': Ya'an rain like silk, Ya'an fish like swords, and Ya'an girls like flowers. For 300 days a year,

the continuous yet never-wetting, fine rain has created your flawless, water-like skin."

The girl suddenly blushed and asked softly, "Then, where are you from?"

"Distant mountains are long, clouds are chaotic, and dawn mountains are green, you know?" Looking at her confused eyes, I smiled and continued:

"I'm very close to you, I'm from Meishan." Hearing that we were from the same hometown, the girl exclaimed excitedly, while I

cried out in pain, "Please be gentle!"

The girl blushed again, smiling and saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry

." But her smile told me that she was a little happy that I had hurt her.

I turned over, grabbed her hand, and said casually, "Stop pressing, let's go downstairs for a late-night snack."

The little girl struggled slightly, but when she couldn't, she gave up.

I laughed and got up, leading her, her face flushed, out the door.

Although it was supposed to be a late-night snack, it wasn't even 9 o'clock yet. I took her directly to Chuanxiangge in the Sichuan Building by taxi,

as I remembered that cuisine there was quite authentic. The little girl had never been to a restaurant of this caliber before, and she was flustered

and at a loss. I smiled, asked the waiter to lay out a napkin for her, casually ordered a few home-style dishes, and then asked about her

family life.

Some people say that 80% of girls in Shenzhen have had a painful past, and she was no exception. Her family lived in

the city and were originally quite well-off. However, when she was in high school, both her parents lost their jobs. To make matters worse, her father fell

seriously ill, exhausting all their savings. Although he recovered, he was unable to work. The family relied on government assistance

and her mother's small business to survive. The young woman was very considerate of her parents. As soon as she finished her college entrance exams and received her diploma, she went straight

to Shenzhen.

Speaking of the past, the girl was very upset: "I was second in the whole grade, and I was the only

one passed the CET-6 (College English Test Band 6). I'm also very good at typing. I used to dream of becoming a white-collar worker in Shenzhen, but who

knew that after graduating from high school I could only work in a factory and earn 800 yuan."

I was puzzled: "That doesn't mean you have to work as a masseuse. Is there another reason?"

"I earn more here, my dad needs money, and they provide food and lodging," the girl lowered her head, her eyes

a little red, "I don't have money, I can't afford to rent a place in Shenzhen."

My heart ached, and I quickly changed the subject: "By the way, we've known each other for almost an hour, and I haven't

asked your name yet."

"My name is Ying'er." She said generously, but her answer surprised me again

. It was the same as her name. Is fate really that amazing? "Which Ying?"

"The Ying of shadow." She answered, and I breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't that Ying'er. But a strange feeling

made me want to explore whether there were any other similarities between them besides their appearance and name.

I casually asked, "Do you like Haruki Murakami?" Ying'er

had written a series of columns about Murakami for a local newspaper magazine when she was in high school.

"Haruki Murakami? I don't know. Where is he? Is he from Sichuan? Is the scenery nice?

How does it compare ?"

I was speechless. Ying'er's answer made me burst out laughing, but it also left me with a different kind of disappointment. Yes, that

elfin girl who played the yangqin, the guzheng, discussed Zen with a high monk, and found bugs in Tan Haoqiang's program—how could she be so easily...?

What about the easily replicable one? I wonder how she is, whether she's adjusting well to a foreign land. Never mind, I really don't need to worry about her;

I should be worried about the R&D department at Nortel where she works. A few days ago, on the Unknown Space BBS, an old

classmate boasted that after graduating with his master's degree, he changed companies four times in a year and a half, and all four companies have now gone bankrupt.

Ying'er scoffed: "When I went to Nortel, they were worth over $140 per share; now they're only $2. You just

crushed four ants, but I crippled an elephant." Thinking of these memories, I couldn't help but smile slightly.

September 20, 2006.

Yesterday, after having dinner with Ying'er, I took her straight back to the hotel. I only booked two hours;

I was afraid she wouldn't be able to explain if I went back late. When we parted, I told Ying'er that I was going back to Guangzhou the next day and that I would miss her

. Ying'er seemed a little reluctant to let me go.

Some unexpected things happened today, causing me to be delayed in Shenzhen for a day. I called the massage parlor again in the evening,

and surprisingly, Ying'er answered. I changed my tone: "Is masseuse number 2 here?" "Sorry, she's on leave

and at home," Ying'er replied honestly.

"Then what number are you?" I started setting a trap for Ying'er.

"S1 number," Ying'er fell for it.

"Number four or number ten?" I pronounced clearly. Although I grew up in Sichuan,

I studied in Beijing for several years and developed extremely standard Mandarin.

"S1 number!!!" Ying'er tried her best to pronounce the diminutive syllable, but her Sichuan dialect did

n't have the "sh" sound; the difference between four and ten was just a rise and fall, which she couldn't quite grasp.

"What number are you?" I continued to tease Ying'er.

"The 'si' of 'seven, eight, nine'," Ying'er finally came up with a solution and said with difficulty.

"Hahahaha, Ying'er, you're so clever!" I burst out laughing.

Ying'er finally recognized my voice and exclaimed with delight, "You rascal, it's you!!" I smiled slightly and said,

"I'm still in the same room. Come on up."

The doorbell rang, and Ying'er came in pouting, kicked off her slippers, ran to my big bed, propped up

a , leaned back comfortably, grabbed another pillow, and started watching TV with a pout

. I smiled, opened the mini-fridge, took out a can of Wanglaoji herbal tea, opened it, and handed it to Ying'er. She took it, gulped it down,

handed it back to me, and said casually, "Okay, I'm not thirsty anymore." Suddenly, I realized that I couldn't be

bought off with just a can of Wanglaoji, so I put on a stern face and pouted again.

I couldn't help but laugh: "Hey, I have to pay you 80 yuan for an hour." Ying'er snorted:

"Anyway, you can get it reimbursed from the room rate."

I started to regret saying too much yesterday; I shouldn't have told her everything. But then I thought, well, given

Ying'er's massage skills, it's better for her to just chat with me. Then I heard Ying'er say again, "Who told you to bully

me earlier?"

I looked at Ying'er leaning against the big bed and said with a smile, "If you really want to bully me, now's a perfect

opportunity."

Ying'er's face suddenly turned red, and she threw the pillow in her hand at me forcefully. I caught it with a laugh, then

jumped onto the bed with the pillow, landing next to Ying'er. Ying'er's face was as red as a freshly picked apple.

I reached out and grabbed Ying'er, saying very seriously, "Now I'm really going to bully you."

Ying'er then realized the seriousness of the situation, her face turning a little pale with fright. She stared at me blankly, offering no

resistance . I laughed, released one hand, propped the pillow up against the headboard, and

leaned back comfortably, just like Ying'er had done earlier. Then I put my arm around Ying'er's shoulder. Ying'er hesitated for a moment, then slowly leaned back against the headboard, gently

resting her head on my shoulder. I could almost hear her heartbeat.

After a long silence, I suddenly smiled and asked Ying'er, "If I had really tried to bully you just now, what would you have done?"

Ying'er didn't say anything, but grabbed my arm and bit me hard. I cried out in pain, and Ying'er

relaxed.

After a moment of silence, Ying'er murmured, "I don't know. I didn't know anything just now. It was like I

had no thoughts at all. If you had really tried to bully me, I probably wouldn't have been able to do anything about it." Ying'er tilted her head and thought for a moment, then

said, "I don't know why, but I just felt a special trust in you. From the moment I saw you, I felt a special connection

with you. When I'm with you, I don't want to think about anything else. No matter what you do, I trust you completely."

"Even if I forced you?" I pressed.

"Yes." Ying'er hesitated for a moment, then finally nodded.

A sudden pang of heartache shot through me. I turned Ying'er's head and said seriously, "Ying'er, do you know that I've

had relationships with different women in entertainment venues? I've even stripped a singer naked with a client.

I'm just more experienced in the ways of the world than you, and better at disguising myself. I don't want to hurt you, but Shenzhen is

a mixed bag. Working in this hotel, you'll inevitably encounter many people more worldly than me. If you continue to be so

naive and trusting, you'll suffer greatly."

Ying'er gave an "Oh," but didn't say anything, just nuzzled her head against my shoulder to make herself more

comfortable. I sighed inwardly. Ying'er, with no social experience, would

n't listen to any of this. I gently stroked Ying'er's head. She seemed tired from the earlier fright and

drifted off to sleep under my touch.

I remember the night I broke up with Ying'er. She leaned against me like this, quietly talking about her

dreams : she was like a solitary orchid in a secluded valley, quietly accumulating code in a restless atmosphere, stubbornly resisting

any management or business work, so she couldn't give up this opportunity. I said I knew, although I couldn't

go abroad, I wouldn't stop her. I added, I'm already very lucky to have known you for three years.

Later, Ying'er leaned on my shoulder and quietly fell asleep like this. Then, as I was about to fall asleep too, she

suddenly looked up and smiled at me, saying, "Tonight is my last night in China. Are you just going to let me go like this

?"

I was startled awake and smiled bitterly, saying I was afraid she would regret it later. Ying'er suddenly rolled over and hugged me tightly, saying,

"I'll really regret it if I don't give myself to you."

I still remember that night, during our passionate lovemaking, Ying'er's face was covered in tears, but not because of the pain of our first time.

I don't know when, but Ying'er had already woken up. She looked up and was surprised to find tears in my eyes. She gently

nudged me and asked, "Did I bite you too hard?"

This little darling... I smiled and gently pulled her head back onto my shoulder, remaining silent. Ying'er knew

I was troubled and wanted to help me, so she suggested we solve riddles. I smiled and agreed. Ying'er's riddles

were so simple; she gave me several, and I answered them almost without thinking. Ying'er, feeling competitive, said,

"I have a riddle you definitely can't guess. I'll bet you."

"Okay, what's the bet?" I didn't care about winning or losing; it was rare for Ying'er to be so happy, so I let her have her way.

Ying'er smiled mischievously: "If I win, you have to carry me downstairs later, we'll take the stairs." I laughed

: "Okay, what if you lose?" Ying'er hesitated: "I lost? Hmm..."

I interrupted her with a smile: "If you lose, let me kiss you."

Ying'er blushed, but still stubbornly replied: "Fine, I don't believe you can guess."

"A gorilla is eating Western food, watching a joke, and then it dies. How did the gorilla die? You have three

minutes , start."

"Hmm, there are three key points: gorilla, Western food, and joke. The difference between Western food and Chinese food is the knife and fork.

The joke makes people laugh. So the new key points are laughter, knife and fork, and gorilla. Why a gorilla?" I pondered for a moment and

smiled: "I know."

I raised my head, imitating King Kong, pounded my chest with my fists, and made a few "oohs." Ying'er's mouth was already

wide open in surprise. I turned around with a smile: "Ying'er, a bet's a bet."

I wrapped my arms around Ying'er's head and laughed, "Ying'er, I'm going to kiss you." Ying'er couldn't dodge, and shyly

closed her eyes. I gently lifted her long hair and lightly kissed her forehead. Ying'er's face turned

as red as if it were about to bleed, and her lips trembled slightly. My heart skipped a beat.

Ying'er opened her eyes, looking at me with a mixture of surprise and relief, and a hint of disappointment

. After a while, she suddenly said to me, "Let's make another bet. I'm sure I'll win this time."

I smiled mischievously, "Okay, but if I win this time, I'll kiss your lips."

This time, Ying'er didn't hesitate at all, "Okay, listen to this: you're alone in the wilderness at night, you only have a

bow and an arrow, and then a wolf comes from the left and a ghost comes from the right. Do you shoot the wolf

or the ghost?"

I laughed, "Ying'er, you're too cunning. If I say I'm a lecherous wolf, you'll say no, I'm

a lecherous ghost . If I'm a lecherous ghost, you'll say I'm a lecherous wolf."

Ying'er was very proud, "That's right, I said I'd definitely win this time."

Looking at Ying'er's happy face, I couldn't bear to go against her wishes, so I smiled and said, "Alright, I lose .

You haven't said what you'll do if you win?"

Ying'er tilted her head and thought for a moment, then said, "In Sichuan, I've only seen rivers, I've never seen the sea. I

heard that Shenzhen has a sea, but I've never been there. Will you take me to see the sea?"

"Okay, next time I come, I'll definitely take you to Xiaomeisha to see the sea." I readily agreed.

"Okay, it's a deal then." Ying'er extended her little finger, and I extended mine, our fingers intertwined.

"It's a deal."

Looking at Ying'er's radiant smile, I suddenly smiled mischievously and asked her, "By the way, about the question from earlier,

do you think I'm a pervert or a lecher?"

Ying'er's face flushed again, but this time, before she could react, I wrapped my arms tightly around her, pulling her

into my embrace, and my lips pressed heavily against her cherry lips.

September 29, 2006.

Last time, I rashly agreed to take Ying'er to the beach. Back in Guangzhou, I realized that even though I'd been to Shenzhen

dozens of times , I'd never actually seen the sea. Then I suddenly realized that after Ying'er left, had I completely

lost interest in life?

For those three years, the two of us traveled across most of China; we had promised to see all the beautiful scenery in

the world . Now, seven years have passed since she left, and I haven't visited any scenic spots since. Bars and

nightclubs have replaced my love for nature. I'm 30 now, and since she left, besides my receding hairline and wrinkles around my eyes

, I seem to have gained nothing.

Back in Shenzhen, it was a very unlucky day. The project was two months behind schedule, a key person within the client company

was transferred, and the new supervisor won't be in place until next month—very troublesome. Exhausted, I arrived at the hotel that night, feeling depressed.

I dialed the health center, directly asking for number 10. The girl who answered said number 10 was already off work. She asked if I wanted

another technician, which I refused. I hung up the phone sullenly, looked at my watch—it was already past midnight. Time to wash up and

go to sleep.

Thinking back to the last time I kissed Ying'er, her dazed expression, I couldn't help but smile. Then, I suddenly remembered

something a colleague once said unequivocally: "In those saunas, don't be fooled by the girls only being able to give you handjobs

. If you can talk, go three days in a row and choose the same person, you'll almost always get to sleep with her." His original intention was simply

to demonstrate his communication skills, but from my perspective, I saw only their loneliness and inferiority complex. When someone was

kind to her, even superficially, she would relentlessly try to please or repay

that person. Thinking of Ying'er, I smiled briefly before letting out a silent sigh.

Halfway through my shower, the doorbell rang. A sudden jolt went through me, a strange premonition. I quickly wrapped

a towel and went to open the door. Sure enough, it was Ying'er, standing there gracefully. Ying'er smiled, her eyes crinkling into crescent

moons, and suddenly all my worries vanished.

Ying'er wasn't wearing their uniform, just a simple short dress, her youthful innocence still adorable. Since

coming in, she'd been giggling with her head down. I asked curiously, "What are you laughing at?"

Ying'er laughed as she said, "They're all really surprised, saying someone actually booked Ying'er's services, it's big

news ."

I chuckled, "You must have received too many complaints, you lazy bum." Suddenly remembering something, I said,

"Right, you haven't announced your arrival yet." I picked up the phone by the bed, but Ying'er slapped my hand.

"I sneaked out," Ying'er said, her face slightly red.

"Oh, is that so? Then you don't have to go back tonight?" I replied casually, then immediately

realized I'd been in trouble and tried to dodge, but it was too late; Ying'er grabbed my arm and bit me again.

However, this time, the bite wasn't hard.

I smiled and said, "Ying'er, you should leave for a bit, I'll change my clothes." Ying'er glanced at my waist...

She blushed slightly, grabbed a bath towel, and glared at me, saying, "Aren't you afraid of looking ugly?" Then, she opened the closet door, took

out a bathrobe and slippers, wrinkled her nose at me, made a face, and turned to go into the bathroom.

I changed into my pajamas too, and the sound of the shower came from the bathroom. I suddenly felt a little distracted. After a while,

the water stopped, and Ying'er came out in her bathrobe, saying with a hint of envy, "Your room is so nice, you can take a shower, there's

air conditioning, and you even have pajamas." After saying that, she suddenly realized something was wrong and quickly corrected me, "Don't misunderstand, I

'm going back in a bit."

I leaned back on the bed, feeling a little helpless, "Ying'er, I'm tired, come sit with me for a while." Ying'er came over,

sat on the bed, took off my glasses, and pressed her two thumbs on the area behind my temples, rubbing it a couple of times, and

gently asked, "Is it sore?"

I said yes. Ying'er said, "You haven't been sleeping enough. Lie down, I'll give you a massage."

I lay down, and Ying'er's hands touched my head, slowly massaging it. In just one week, Ying'er's skills

had improved dramatically ; she actually massaged my head until it felt sore and swollen, which was quite comfortable. However, I could clearly feel that the skin on her hands wasn't as

smooth and delicate as before.

I sighed inwardly, remembering the foot massage place I frequented in

Guangzhou and always worked tirelessly, had shown me her hands. On the back of her hands, on the joints of her two index fingers, there were

two terrifying bumps, the size of hazelnuts—calluses, simply from constantly rubbing those spots against customers'

soles. Perhaps this is the step every girl takes from princess to mortal.

Perhaps I was truly too tired, because under Ying'er's gentle massage, I unknowingly fell asleep.

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