【Like a shadow】(3)

The butter sculptures of Kumbum Monastery, the birds of Qinghai Lake, the flatbreads of Golmud, the jade beads of Xidatan,

the Fenghuoshan, the statues of Tanggula Pass, the heavy snow of Amdo, the pitch-black nights of Nagqu, the luxurious government buildings of

Damxung, the wind of Namtso, the blue of Yamdrok Lake, the waiting in Lhasa, the astonishment of the mountaineering school,

the joy of Qizi, the candid photos of Tashilhunpo Monastery in Shigatse, the dilapidated hotel in Lhatse, the shock of Tingri, the bewilderment of Zhangmu, the leisure

of Kathmandu, the rush of Bangkok, the tranquility of Xishuangbanna. Unforgettable memories, unforgettable people.

We leaned against the headboard, Ying'er resting against me, looking at this short blog I had opened. It was

written by Ying'er after she went to Canada, describing our longest trip along the Sichuan-Tibet Highway. Ying'er liked it very much, reading

it several times, saying it gave her a very special feeling.

So, I started telling Ying'er the story of Ying'er, the story of Ying'er who looked very much like Ying'er.

Let's start from when we met online. I mentioned how I always mistakenly thought she was a man, and

she took advantage of that misleading thought, even making us sworn sisters, all so she could see my stunned expression when we first met.

She told me about how Ying'er skipped all her classes for a certain subject because she was playful, and when four classes took the exam together, she didn't

recognize the young professor and called him "classmate." If she hadn't actually done well on the exam, the furious

professor would have definitely failed her.

She also mentioned arguing with a moderator on BBS, which escalated to the point where she hacked into the BBS server and deleted

all the posts in that section. However, because her technical skills weren't up to par, the IT department teacher caught her

red-handed . If Ying'er hadn't feigned pitifulness and cried for half an hour, the incident would have at least resulted in a demerit.

She also mentioned a senior student who lamented that although Ying'er was exceptionally intelligent, she was too distracted and wouldn't achieve great things. Ying'er scoffed:

"So-called 'greatness' is your business value system. What I like is simply to see all the beauty in the world and let

life be as vibrant as summer flowers."

Speaking of Ying'er's birthday, I happened to be away, so I sent her a text message as a gift: "With this text message, you can enjoy one on-call service within

China ." Later, Ying'er used this text message to drag me to Mohe to see the aurora borealis.

After dozens of hours on the train and stargazing at the night sky for several days, Ying'er said she didn't see the aurora, so

it didn't count . Thus, I still owe her a promise.

We talked about filming at the Nanshi Church in Shenyang in the early morning of winter, sneaking into the room where Mass was being held to warm up, and

not knowing how to properly greet the consecrated bread, which led to her being pulled out by the nuns. During our conversation, Ying'er talked about her views on God and Protestantism,

the Ten Commandments , faith, hope, and love, and held my hand, reciting, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,

it does not boast..." Completely captivated, the nun opened the main church, which was closed for winter, for us to visit, and insisted on giving

Ying'er a huge Hong Kong edition of the Bible.

Speaking of Ying'er's travels, even though she had plenty of money, she insisted on busking on the street, playing the flute leisurely for an entire

afternoon . She asked me to secretly take photos from a distance with a telephoto lens so she could pay her. She earned over a hundred yuan and

happily said, "Let's go, let's splurge!"

Speaking of the guesthouse in Damxung, looking at the wall full of warm, bourgeois sentiments

, Ying'er disdainfully wrote six bold characters with a pen: "Live life to the fullest, die without regrets." This astonished the innkeeper

and his staff. Speaking of Dege, Ying'er argued with the innkeeper and cried. Finally, when checking out, she stole

the innkeeper 's key tray—containing all the room keys—and dragged me along, renting a car and speeding to

the next town.

Speaking of a big city, Ying'er saw a pitiful little beggar and insisted I

rescue . I had to take a taxi at an exorbitant price, return to the girl, and Ying'er pulled her into the car and sped off, taking her to

the police station in the farthest district.

Speaking of Ying'er in Victoria Park, Hong Kong, singing "Freedom Flower" with those kind people, singing: "From you,

my heart, remember!"

Speaking of Ying'er buying a large map and circling over 60 places on it, saying we must visit

them . During our university years, we skipped classes and traveled across most of China, leaving her with nearly 40

places before she left. After she left, I insisted on visiting one each year: the Badain Jaran Desert, Muztagh Ata, Tomur Glacier.

I backpacked alone, traversing these rarely visited places, just to check off

the spots I wonder if I'll ever complete them all in my lifetime.

Finally, I dug out the poem I wrote but never sent to commemorate our 10th anniversary, and showed it to Ying'er:

Ten Years

That Day

Before the seat of Tsangyang Gyatso of Nansi Temple, I knelt for the first time in my life.

Not for remembrance, Only

wishing that the amorous Living Buddha of my past life would bless this loving couple in a foreign land.

That Month

Wandering in Alxa Left Banner,

Not for travel,

Only because you said it was a city on the horizon,

where I could still feel the presence of you.

That Year

Beginning to worship every Buddha I passed. Tang,

not for faith,

only hoping that illness would no longer torment your frail body.

For ten years, you tirelessly strived to improve yourself,

not for soaring high

, but only because you feared the gap would be too vast, and you would lose your common language .

Ten years later,

an indescribable happiness,

not for anything else

, but simply because we are still friends.

Ying'er finished reading, wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, and said, "I really like girls like that, I really want

to meet her. If it were me, I would love her with my life."

Then, suddenly, she changed the subject: "Brother Xing, have you two made love?"

Why did she suddenly ask this? I was speechless and just hummed in agreement.

Ying'er continued to press: "How many times?"

"Once..."

Ying'er: "That's so few, it's a bit of a pity, but at least we've done it. Such a beautiful love story is better than..."

"Everything has to be exciting; it would be such a shame if there wasn't sex."

I looked at Ying'er like she was an alien, wondering what kind of crazy thoughts were going through her little head.

Ying'er probably guessed what I was thinking and said, "Oh, you

older men wouldn't understand the thoughts of us young girls."

Then, Ying'er said sadly, "I know, Brother Xing, you don't love me. I'm

just . But being a substitute for a girl like that isn't shameful."

I comforted Ying'er, "Don't overthink it. You're not her substitute. You have things that are better than her."

Ying'er asked excitedly, "In what ways?"

I counted on my fingers, "You're prettier than her, your skin is much whiter, your skin is smoother, your

hair is blacker, you're lighter, and it's easy to carry you..."

Ying'er grabbed my arm and bit it hard.

I sighed softly, "Luckily, I controlled myself last night, or you would have regretted it."

Ying'er shook her head, "I won't regret it. I just wasn't mentally prepared. If I were 20 now

, I definitely wouldn't stop you."

Ying'er continued, "I woke up first and thought about it for a long time. Brother Xing, don't interrupt me, let me

finish . I don't know what kind of people I'll meet in the future, but I know it's unlikely I'll ever meet someone like you again. Rather than

giving my first time to some jerk, I'd rather give it to you."

Ying'er continued, "The woman who asked me to come to Shenzhen worked here for two or three years, and now she works in a sauna,

serving men. I don't know what I'll do in the future. Not having the chance to go to university is my fate;

I can't change it. My parents are very good people; they raised me..." All these years, they've never let me do any heavy work. I

want to repay them, at least not let them borrow money again to pay for my schooling. I'm actually a self-reliant girl. I

'll try to live a better life and help ease their burden. Maybe in a few years, I'll save some money to help my dad get

medical treatment , find an ordinary man, and open a small shop back in my hometown. That might be what my life will be like.”

Ying'er: “So, Brother Xing, no matter what you did to me last night, I won't regret it. These past

few days with you have been the happiest and most blissful times of my life, perhaps the brightest moments of my life. I'm afraid that

I'll never have a moment like this again. So, let's just consider it a beautiful memory in my life. Having memories is better than having none

.”

I reached out and hugged Ying'er tightly, speechless for a long time.

October 13, 2006

Since returning from the beach and adding Ying'er on QQ, things have suddenly become much more complicated. Every time Ying'er sees me at

an internet , she sends me a big smiley face followed by, "Are you

in Shenzhen?" Each time she gets a negative answer, she sends a sad face emoji.

I usually tease her, "Do you want me to come over and kiss you?" At first, Ying'er would always say, "You

naughty thing , I'm ignoring you." Later, she changed to sending a shy blushing emoji, and now, every time she sees me,

she proactively says, "You bad boy, when are you coming to kiss me?" The internet is truly a magical thing; many

things that can never be said face-to-face can be easily typed out online.

That day, Ying'er suddenly called me, sounding strange. She said if I

could come to Shenzhen in the next day or two, or if that wasn't convenient, she could come to Guangzhou.

I was puzzled and pressed her for an explanation, but Ying'er hesitated and wouldn't say. I asked her if she needed

money urgently, but Ying'er said no. I was very puzzled and had a bad feeling. I told Ying'er that I would arrive in Shenzhen that afternoon.

I took the phone I bought for Ying'er from the drawer, put it in my bag, and then, after thinking for a moment, took out 10,000 yuan

in cash and set off for Shenzhen.

That evening, I saw Ying'er. She was still wearing that simple short skirt, but she looked much more haggard.

I frowned and asked what had happened.

Ying'er didn't speak, but hugged me tightly and said, "Nothing else. Brother Xing, I just wanted to tell you that

I'm ready."

I was genuinely a little angry: "Ying'er, don't treat me like a child. You wouldn't have called me here

so urgently , much less come all the way to Guangzhou to find me for this."

Ying'er still stubbornly hugged me and refused to say anything, only saying that she missed me. I was a little angry and told Ying'er that

if she didn't tell the truth, I would immediately check out of the hotel and go back to Guangzhou.

Ying'er finally couldn't hold back anymore and cried, saying that she was going to work elsewhere and might never see me again

.

I frowned. "What kind of place can't I go with a plane ticket? What kind of job is it?

What's the hidden story behind it?"

Ying'er stammered, "Brother Xing, I told you, you can scold me, but please don't look down on me, okay?"

My heart ached. I already guessed most of it and asked coldly, "Did someone drag you into this?"

Ying'er was taken aback. "How did you know?" Seeing my stern face and silence, she could only mutter on.

It turned out that the so-called "sister" who had called her here before, the one who later quit her job to become a sauna girl, had come to see her and

talked for a long time.

Ying'er's father's health was deteriorating day by day, and he probably wouldn't live for more than a few years. Ying'er worked as a massage therapist here and could only save a thousand or so yuan a month

at most . Sending it home could temporarily help her mother alleviate a lot of financial pressure, but

it was far from enough to treat her father's illness. Ying'er learned from others that her father had suicidal

thoughts so as not to be a burden on them. Ying'er almost collapsed when she heard this. She called her mother and cried for a long time. Her mother repeatedly promised that

he wouldn't and then she hung up the phone.

Then her older sister persuaded Ying'er to go to that bathhouse with her and provide half-services to customers, the kind where

you use your hands to arouse them. She said they could earn five or six thousand yuan a month with tips. She said Ying'er was younger and prettier than her, so she could definitely

earn more tips.

I coldly interrupted Ying'er: "Five or six thousand for a handjob? What a joke!

Even the hostesses in KTVs only earn that much. Does she do other things too? Otherwise, where would the tips come from?"

Ying'er hesitated and said, "She told me that while providing the service, I could talk to the customers, do breast massages or oral sex,

and that would require extra tips. I have small breasts..."

"So you just want to use your mouth?" My icy tone couldn't suppress my anger anymore. "

If were paid more, would you even let them penetrate you down there?"

Ying'er hugged me tightly, tears streaming down her face. "Brother Xing, I know this is wrong, but I have no other choice.

I just wanted to give you my first time before I left, so it wouldn't be such a waste."

I sighed deeply, blaming myself. I had already planned to help Ying'er find a job last time, but I got so

busy when I got back that I completely forgot about it.

I stroked Ying'er's head and said, "Ying'er, do you believe Brother Xing?"

Ying'er looked up. "Brother Xing, I don't want your money."

I patted her. "What are you thinking? I'll help you find a job in Guangzhou, but it will probably take about

a month . Can you wait for me for a month? If I don't succeed after a month, I

won't object to whatever you want to do, okay?"

Ying'er nodded heavily, tears streaming down her face, and hugged me tightly.

I comforted Ying'er for a while, and seeing that she had calmed down, I let her go back. I really didn't want to

take her first time under these circumstances.

Ying'er lowered her head and walked out, but when she reached the door, she pushed open the door to the bathroom next door and went inside. "This stubborn

girl," I thought to myself.

Ying'er finished her shower, came out wrapped in a towel, wearing only a small pair of underwear, no bra, and

naturally lifted the covers to lie down, deliberately avoiding my gaze, and turned on the TV with the remote.

I smiled, went to my desk, opened my laptop, and started working. Ying'er, being considerate,

turned off the TV volume and quietly watched the screen.

After finishing my work, it was already past midnight. Ying'er was asleep, leaning against the headboard. I showered and gently

climbed into bed, lifting Ying'er's head and placing it on the pillow, but she suddenly woke up.

Seeing me holding her head, Ying'er's first reaction was to pout and ask for a kiss. I lovingly kissed her

, and we gently intertwined again.

This time, Ying'er was unusually proactive, immediately slipping her hand inside my underwear, grasping my hard

erection , and beginning to caress it. After a while of intimacy, Ying'er told me not to move. She bent down, pulled

down , and gently took my penis into her mouth.

It felt warm, and I was somewhat moved. Ying'er sucked hard, but it was very, very obvious that her

mouth technique was far inferior to her hand technique. It gave me more of a psychological impact and satisfaction, but in

terms of actual pleasure, it was far less intense. I started to instruct Ying'er on techniques like sucking harder and moving up and down, but with

little success. Her teeth would frequently get caught on my penis, and any slight arousal would be suppressed again.

Ying'er was panting heavily and asked me why I hadn't ejaculated yet. Helpless, I told Ying'er to switch to her hand.

The pleasure quickly came, and just before ejaculation, I had Ying'er hold it in her mouth, continuing to suck and swallow. Amidst her panting, a large amount

of semen shot into Ying'er's mouth.

I quickly pulled out a tissue from the bedside table and had Ying'er spit it on. After spitting, Ying'er didn't rinse her mouth but

asked me in confusion, "Shouldn't you swallow it?"

I was speechless again. Feeling a lingering fear, I was relieved that Ying'er hadn't actually gone to the sauna...

I asked Ying'er, "Did your sister tell you this too?"

Ying'er was a little embarrassed, "No, it's written like that in a novel..."

"Isn't it disgusting?"

"No, it's not disgusting at all, it doesn't smell like anything."

Wow, what kind of constitution does Ying'er have...?

I suddenly remembered something, turned around, got out of bed, took my phone out of my bag, and told Ying'er to get a SIM card made herself.

Ying'er thought it was too expensive and refused.

I said to Ying'er, "You know this isn't much for me. My income could directly support you with

the money you mentioned, but I don't want to do that, and I don't think you want to either."

Ying'er said, "I'd rather go out and sell myself."

This girl has such a strong sense of self-respect! I explained to her that this was just a gift from me; it

could hold QQ, so she wouldn't have to go to the internet cafe to talk to me online anymore. Only then did Ying'er accept it.

Looking at the bright red Nokia phone, Ying'er actually really liked it. She happily turned her head to

kiss me, but I stopped her and told her to go brush her teeth.

Ying'er stomped angrily toward the bathroom: "I haven't even complained about your own things yet..."

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【Like a shadow】(3)

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