My Dream, My Love

After the long summer vacation before junior high school ended, I officially entered high school. To my surprise

, in the first Chinese class of the semester, our homeroom teacher assigned us a tired, overused essay

topic— "My Dream."

As a child, I had all sorts of dreams: I once fantasized about being a pilot

, soaring through the skies in a giant iron bird; I once fantasized about being a composer, writing captivating musical

scores. But as I grew older, I began to realize that these so-called "dreams"

were unattainable. In fact, dreams don't have to be fantastical; they can be simple and realistic. So, in

my essay, I wrote about a more realistic dream—to find someone who loves me,

marry them, have children, and live a peaceful, ordinary life.

However, even though my dream was so ordinary, because of my age, it always

felt like it was a distant dream, a feeling that persisted until the spring of my first year of high school.

I love spring, for two reasons. Firstly, everything in spring brings comfort and tranquility:

sunshine treats all things kindly; the bright moon smiles upon the myriad aspects of life; the gentle breeze soothes physical fatigue; the light

rain heals wounds of the soul. But what truly makes me love spring isn't any of these reasons. The real reason

is that I met Xing, the first man in my life, in this season of new beginnings.

It was a dark night with a light spring rain. I had just finished evening self-study, and the dim surroundings lacked sufficient

streetlights . Without an umbrella, I was hesitant to go to the bus stop alone. So, I stood in front of the school gate waiting for

my friend Lili.

Soon, Lili came out, accompanied by a tall boy. From their

conversation, I learned that this boy was also Lili's friend and in the same class.

I'm naturally shy and only have a few close female friends. I don't like to strike up conversations with strangers,

especially those of the opposite sex, and I don't know how to interact with them. So, the three of us walked together,

but only the two of them could be heard talking.

"Xiaojun, I'm taking xx today, so I won't be going with you. I'm leaving now..." When the three of us reached

the bus stop , Lili left us without waiting for a reply.

There was no exchange between us; the only sounds were the dripping rain and the noise, and the awkwardness made

it hard to breathe. So, standing under the umbrella, I pretended to read my textbook slowly in the dim light,

trying to avoid the awkward silence. To outsiders, it might seem

strange that two people standing under the same umbrella didn't exchange a single word. In fact, we weren't close friends at all; we were more like

strangers who happened to be sheltering from the rain together.

There weren't many seats on the bus, and he politely gave me the only one.

"By the way, do you know..." I don't quite remember his first words to me,

only that he was talking about some embarrassing things his two friends had done that morning.

As he spoke, I looked up at him in the bright light of the bus. He wasn't handsome

or fashionable, but I could tell from his conversation that he had an approachable personality and

an optimistic attitude. I was even more surprised to find he was such a talkative boy.

In the short hour I spent with him, I found that my initial strong resistance and

distance had vanished. Even when I couldn't answer his questions, he always managed to handle them easily, finding new topics or simply talking to

himself.

From then on, I saw him every day after school. When the three of us reached the bus stop, Lili would

excuse herself and leave me alone with him.

When we were alone, he could talk about anything, from studies to astronomy and geography, often turning

things I usually ignored into jokes that made me laugh out loud.

Over time, our relationship gradually grew closer. The hour-long bus ride home

was always a long wait, but with his company, the tedious journey became quite interesting,

and the pressure and fatigue from studying were reduced somewhat. As time went by, I found myself unconsciously

looking forward to the end of evening self-study every day.

Time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, it was spring of the second year. Xing was an excellent student, serving as both class monitor and vice president of

the student council . He never complained about the student council duties or the pressure of choosing a class in the senior year. Whenever I

had any difficulties, no matter how busy he was, he would always find time to help me. I was truly

grateful to him. Xing gradually entered my life, and I gradually became dependent on him.

Day after day, our relationship grew closer, to the point where we could be considered best friends. He encouraged

me, the shy girl, to step out of the classroom and interact with others. He changed my view of boys, making me less

afraid of the opposite sex than before. And most importantly, being by his side brought me an unprecedented joy. However

, there was one thing I was very unhappy about.

If I saw him chatting happily with other girls, I would feel anxious and depressed,

as if I feared he would ignore me. At the time, I had no idea what was going on. I just hoped his conversation with the other

girl would end quickly, or that he would focus his attention on me again.

One evening after self-study, Lili was absent due to illness. When I walked out of the classroom, I

only saw Xing. That night, because the fluorescent lights were under repair, the corridors and stairwells were quite

dark .

In the darkness, my eyesight wasn't very good, and I inevitably stumbled as I walked down the stairs,

feeling unsafe even while holding onto the handrail. Just then, I vaguely saw a hand reaching out to me. When I

turned around, I saw it was Xing's hand beside me.

Faced with his action, I was a little flustered, hesitating whether to touch it. Suddenly,

a classmate behind me, perhaps unintentionally, touched me, causing me to immediately lose my balance and fall forward. As I lurched forward,

instinctively, I took his outstretched hand in mine.

I thought to myself: So a boy's hand can be so soft; so a boy's hand can be so

warm ; so a boy's hand can be so safe. My heart suddenly raced, making me feel a flutter in my chest.

The tangible touch he conveyed dispelled my fear of the darkness. Our fingers intertwined

like conjoined twins, we felt no resistance, walking naturally down the stairs, through the corridor, out of

the school gate, and to the familiar bus stop.

This time, I felt differently; my emotions had subtly shifted.

"Xiaojun, can we...be together?" He didn't let go, instead gripping my hand tighter.

This unexpected confession left me flustered. Shyness rendered me speechless, and I dared not look up at

him.

"I've noticed you since the beginning of high school. You're different from other girls; you don't have any bad

habits , you're not spoiled, you're kind-hearted, and you always see things

through to the end when someone asks you for a favor… You're not like those girls who spend their days chasing stars and going out at night; you're diligent, studious, and

ambitious. These are the reasons I like you… If possible, could you give me the

chance to take care of you for the rest of my life?"

I can't remember my exact reaction or expression at the time, only that I was

secretly amused by his fabricated descriptions of my good qualities, while a

sweet feeling welled up inside me. I didn't know how to respond to his declaration of love. Facing the one I liked

, I just nodded repeatedly to show my decision.

After we officially became a couple, he never let go of my hand in the car, and of course,

I enjoyed the intimate contact we had for that hour. I nestled against his arm, close to his

chest, and feelings of comfort, security, and happiness welled up inside me. Only at the very last moment before getting off the bus did I

reluctantly let go of his hand.

That night, lying in bed, I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, my hands mimicking the

hour , savoring the feeling of holding hands for the first time with someone I liked.

"I will take care of you for the rest of my life." A simple promise, even to a minor like me at the time, seemed like

a pipe dream. However, people sometimes do contradictory things, preferring to believe in a

hope . Especially women, who often cling to romantic fantasies.

I closed my eyes, and his every move, every smile, still floated into my mind. I had once heard

someone say that if you like someone, you will always be preoccupied with them. I couldn't help but ask myself: Is this

the expression of love...?

Senior year of high school was the busiest year of my high school years, and also one of the most important turning points in my life. Because

I learned my family and I might immigrate to the UK, and because I enjoyed learning foreign languages, I decisively

enrolled in an English program. Seeing the world abroad is something everyone envies, but my heart

remained here. I couldn't leave this relationship I was so devoted to, and I couldn't leave him, whom I had finally won over.

Xing had once told me his favorite subject was physics, but he ended up choosing

English, the same subject as me. I was genuinely happy to be in the same class as him. However, I didn't want

him to give up his dreams for me, so I bluntly told him, "I don't like guys who give up their dreams,"

trying to persuade him to change his mind. He smiled and said, "You are everything to me; your dreams are my

dreams."

Hearing that touched me deeply, and I knew that no matter how much I tried to persuade him, he

wouldn't change his mind, so I accepted his kindness. Of course, he did give me a lot of

help and motivation in my studies; he was also my pillar of support in life. Ultimately, I successfully entered a foreign language university, while

he, who usually ranked at the top of his class, failed the college entrance exam due to a poor performance.

Like my junior high summer vacation, my senior year of high school summer vacation was free from the burden of summer homework, allowing me

to play . This period was, in my opinion, the happiest time of my life. Parks, theaters, and other recreational places

were my and Xing's favorite haunts. We took photos everywhere we went, capturing beautiful memories.

I clearly remember the day before summer vacation ended. In the morning, he bought two rings from a roadside stall.

Right there in the shade of trees, he knelt down, saying "Marry me," and slipped the ring onto my right

ring finger , wearing the other ring himself. Despite the somewhat secluded location, quite a few people saw

his inappropriate behavior. I frantically said, "No, someone will see," but

deep down I knew I was enjoying this tender and loving confession.

That evening, we strolled hand-in-hand in a dimly lit park. Soft

music , and several couples were whispering sweet nothings; the atmosphere seemed tailor-made for us. As we

walked, we reached a pavilion and sat down inside. I nestled on his shoulder, reminiscing about the

past two short years we'd spent together, sharing countless stories of daily life and our deepest feelings. On

this final night, I experienced my first kiss.

Our chests pressed together; our hands intertwined; our arms embraced. I could

feel my heart pounding and my lover's rapid breaths. Perhaps because it was our first time, our

awkward movements were very clumsy, and we experienced several embarrassing moments. Even so, I

still loved the caresses of our lips, the lingering kisses of our tongues, and the physical

contact —after all, it was an expression of love from both of us.

A few days later, the immigration office sent our family a letter saying we could go to

the embassy for an interview. What came to mind wasn't the life abroad I'd longed for, but Xing

's image.

To stay here, I'd argued with my parents many times, said hurtful things, and even

considered leaving with Xing several times. In the end, Xing comforted me and urged

me to stay. He said, "Life and future prospects abroad will be

much better than in this chaotic country." But I really couldn't let go of the friends I'd made here, and more importantly, I couldn't let go of the

deep bond I had with him.

Since I went to university, and Xing had been working for some time, we'd seen each other

less and less. I thought to myself: after all, we all have our own paths to follow. For the sake of our future, and to prove ourselves to...

Seeing my love for Xing, I knew I had to grit my teeth and move forward fearlessly, just like

Xing had helped me when I was on the dark staircase. But I gradually noticed that as time went on, he seemed to

be intentionally avoiding me, even hiding something from me.

It was precisely because of my naturally introverted personality that I developed a keen intuition. Before, I was always the one

buying household items. But now, things like phone straps and dolls hanging from his bags

feel completely foreign to me. Whenever I ask whose taste he was, he only answers that he bought them himself. What worries me most is that

I also found a box containing couple's bracelets in his house. When I saw the bracelets again,

they were on Xing's injured hand. My heart ached because the other bracelet didn't belong to me.

After some time, the once approachable man gradually became a different person. Sometimes he

would fly into a rage over the smallest things, and of course, he would apologize and try to appease me afterwards. But... Sometimes I couldn't find him

for days . Even when I did, his face no longer held any smile; instead, it was haggard and

distracted. He began to ignore my concern and well-being, and he became indifferent to my affairs.

In short, Xing was no longer the person I used to know.

Perhaps these changes were due to the aftereffects of failing the college entrance exam, or perhaps they were due to

the pressure of working in society. But whatever the reason, I repeatedly pressed him for the reason for this sudden change. He would either give me vague answers

or become irritable, and then disappear from my sight in less than two or three minutes.

As his partner, even when he lashed out at me, I endured it. I remembered what he had

done , what he had taught me; I remembered that night when he became my guiding light, my teacher. I couldn't

be indifferent to him because of this. And just as I would, no matter how much I suffered,

I would persevere in order to make him the person he used to be. I often looked at the ring he gave me during the summer after my senior year of high school, always believing that this

was just a temporary gloom, and that when the clouds cleared, I would see the sun shining

brightly .

But after the gloom, will it always be sunny, or will it be windy and rainy? Rain is both the source of all things

and the end of everything.

I remember that day was the rainy season in the sweltering summer; after the scorching sun, the ground was so hot that mirages appeared. It was Saturday, a

day off from school, and I knew Xing was free. I was going to ask him to come out and meet me, but then I suddenly received

a text message from Lili—she had been dumped by her boyfriend and forced to have an abortion, but she didn't want her family to know

and didn't have enough money.

I knew Xing was resting at home that day, so I texted him, explaining the whole situation, even

giving him Lili's address at the hospital, hoping he could help. To my surprise, he

didn't reply to my text.

Upon arriving at the hospital, I paid Lili's bill. Her face

was pale and haggard, as if she had just had an abortion. She stared blankly at her phone, hoping for a reply from her

boyfriend he never appeared in her sight, not even a text message of concern.

I had met Lili's boyfriend before. He was a typical rich third-generation heir, reeking of money, so my

first impression of him was very bad. I admit, compared to Xing, he was indeed more handsome and better dressed. However,

I believe that true beauty shouldn't only exist on the outside; inner beauty is more important.

I remember how he went to great lengths to win Lili's heart, squandering

the money he received from his elders. After Lili became his girlfriend, his initial attentiveness vanished

completely from hot and cold to utter indifference happened in just a few months, an attitude that

I, as an outsider, found utterly despicable. Recently, Lili even suspected him of having an affair… Now, Lili

has had an abortion, and he hasn't been there for her as her boyfriend,

not even a phone call to check on her, let alone offered to pay for the abortion.

People often say, "Handsome men lack integrity." But to me, "Rich and handsome

men not only lack integrity, but also a sense of responsibility."

I stood by Lili's side, holding her heartbroken body, and asked myself: Men are always so submissive before they

get a woman, but do they become so heartless after winning her heart?

Is this the true nature of men? Why is it always women who get hurt?

After taking Lili home, the blazing sun was now obscured by dark clouds, and the once sweltering streets

suddenly felt much cooler. Xing's coldness today sent a chill down my spine: did Xing's

change in attitude towards me over the past year mean he was tired of me? Did he really have

a third party ?

Suddenly, Lili's suspicions about her boyfriend reminded me of the various clues I'd found among Xing's belongings. The more I thought about it,

the more uneasy I felt. So I sent Xing another text message, asking why he wasn't coming

and where he was . He replied: "Not feeling well, at home

." A little worried about Xing, I texted him back and headed to his house. The weather was

starting turn bad, with occasional winds and thunder, just like my restless emotions.

Full of worry, I arrived at his building, only to see the

thing I least wanted to see, the thing that would break my heart. A girl affectionately wrapped her right arm around Xing's, and Xing walked very close to her as well

. If anyone else saw this, they would really think they were a perfect couple. Afraid they

would see me, I hid in a building and only dared to show myself after they had all gone into their apartments.

"By the way, why do I have to be so secretive even though I'm his girlfriend? Maybe there's something going on between them,

and it's not the kind of relationship I imagine. If they're not like that, then why are they being so intimate?

What does this have to do with Xing's change?" My mind was filled with all sorts of questions and

contradictions , but only he could answer them.

It had started to rain, and the thunder grew louder with the rain.

He lived on the top floor. With each step I took up the stairs, my heart felt like it was being struck by a hammer

. When I reached his door, I stopped what I was about to knock on. I couldn't imagine what would happen when the door opened…

What would happen next? I couldn't even imagine

how .

"What's coming will come." After waiting for a while, I gently pressed the doorbell.

An unprecedented tension surrounded me.

The bell rang for a long time before the door finally opened. A girl with flowing hair stood in the doorway. I

recognized her as the girl who had been intimate with Xing downstairs, but she had changed her clothes.

She was wearing a white tank top and light green hot pants. Her bright eyes kept moving, her fair and rosy

skin was exposed to the air, and her graceful figure was on full display. She also

smelled of fabric softener and soap. A woman like that would make any man's heart flutter, and even other women would feel

envious.

However, she gave me a sense of déjà vu, but I couldn't remember where I had seen her before.

"Hello, who are you looking for?" A pleasant voice came from her lips, and a sweet smile graced

her delicate face. Her tone was gentle, and overall, she didn't make the visitor feel displeased at all; she was a

very polite girl. But to me, this short question was tantamount to announcing to me that she

was the lady of the house, and thus felt like an invisible sword piercing my heart.

"Sisi, what's wrong?" I clearly saw that the person hugging this girl from behind was none other

than the man I deeply love. And when he saw me, a look of surprise appeared on his face. When I

looked at the two of them more closely, I noticed that they were wearing matching couple bracelets.

When the three of us faced each other, for a few seconds, almost everything was frozen.

If it weren't for the sound of rain and thunder outside, I would have thought that even time had stopped. What should have been a brief few seconds

felt incredibly long at that moment, and it was also the darkest moment of my life.

When I recovered from my shock, I saw him walking towards me. In response to his callousness, I didn't hesitate

to leave a bright red handprint on his face. The crisp sound echoed in the three-person space,

a silent reply to his actions. Downstairs, I found myself caught in

a torrential downpour .

The thought of the years of carefully nurtured relationship being utterly destroyed filled me with uncontrollable

pain and anger. I desperately wanted to leave this place of heartbreak, so neither the heavy rain nor the fierce wind could deter me

; I rushed into the downpour without a word. I let the rain lash my skin, let the wind

assault my body. Perhaps passersby would have thought I was a

complete fool standing in the rain. But thanks to the downpour, my tears were covered, preventing me from

losing face in front of others. It felt as if the heavens were taking pity on me, weeping endlessly.

After returning home, I fell seriously ill from the heat of the summer followed by rain, and was mostly in a coma

. Even in my drowsy state, I vaguely remembered my parents' tireless efforts

to care for me, staying by my side day and night. When I woke up, I deeply regretted turning against my parents and even speaking harshly to them for a man

who might no longer love me. However, I finally understood that

no matter how I treated my parents, they would always treat me the same. No matter what I became, they would always be

the only people in the world who would never abandon me.

After recovering, I learned how to be filial to my parents and

destroyed the ring Xing had given me, as well as the photos of us together—destroying these deceptive things. I vowed from the bottom of my heart to completely forget this person and

sever all ties with him.

That year, at eighteen, I immigrated to London, England with my parents before the immigration deadline. In this

unfamiliar city, I was full of curiosity about everything new. The citizens lived a leisurely life unlike anything I'd seen back home;

the streets were cleaner and tidier than ever before; even the city skies were filled with blue skies and white clouds unlike

anything I'd experienced back home. In short, everything I saw was vastly different from what I'd seen in China.

One thing struck me deeply: there were no longer groups of beggars begging on the streets; instead, there were self-

reliant artists—clowns playing puppets, street dancers, and even violinists were everywhere

.

At first, I could say I had a language barrier, but I quickly adapted to life in London.

From the moment we broke up, Xing taught me something invaluable—women must learn

to be strong, to survive and thrive even without relying on men. So I studied hard and

finally earned a bachelor's degree in finance from a good local university. All of this took only three or four years

.

After graduation, I officially entered the workforce. I always thought everything was different from back home,

but there was one thing that remained the same everywhere—a sluggish economy. And I had far

underestimated the real and cruel side of society. After entering the workforce, I encountered numerous setbacks and realized the importance of

interpersonal relationships , experiencing the full spectrum of human nature's warmth and coldness.

Every day, the doors of every financial company became my unavoidable passage. At home, even while standing, eating, drinking,

or dreaming, I was preoccupied with work. However, the difficulty of finding a job far exceeded my

capacity. Most of my resumes disappeared without a trace, and even those I was lucky enough to receive interview invitations

were met with a "wait for news" message.

But the bitter days would eventually pass. Persistence paid off, and I

found a clerical job at a small financial company. Although the salary wasn't ideal, the colleagues, environment, and

benefits were acceptable. At least it was a good place to hone my skills and gain experience.

Even though it was a small job, only after work could I truly have my own

private time and space.

Perhaps it's because I'm getting older and beginning to appreciate things I used to overlook.

Whenever I sit on the upper deck of a double-decker bus and look out the window, it feels like I'm touring this world-famous city. The originally

dim night was dazzlingly illuminated by neon lights, making even London Bridge and the Thames River take on

a unique charm at night. Pedestrians on the streets didn't rush home; instead, they strolled along amidst various...

I wandered through restaurants and shops. People with cameras were everywhere; I couldn't distinguish locals

from tourists.

The only drawback was that no matter how dazzling the scenery, there was no one beside me to

share , confide in, or hold hands with—a real pity.

Due to an unpleasant relationship with Xing, and recalling Lili's boyfriend's behavior, I seemed to

have reverted to my old self, disliking and even keeping my distance from the opposite sex.

Apart from my father, I treated other men politely, but also maintained a "

safe " distance, trying to prevent them from having any opportunities. Later, I also noticed that many male colleagues

began to distance themselves from me, and some even ostracized me. I knew this was probably due to my poor interpersonal skills

, but I didn't mind; perhaps this was the effect I wanted.

Even so, at my workplace, I could still sense the goodwill of a younger British

man . Although I desperately wanted to sever all unpleasant

memories , the hurt he caused me was like a red-hot iron,

leaving an indelible mark on my heart. Coupled with perhaps cultural differences, I disliked

the free-spirited nature of British men, so to prevent him from having any further fantasies about me, I decisively rejected him.

While tidying up one day, I inadvertently stumbled upon an essay I wrote in high school

and reread it carefully, wondering: Is the dream of finding someone who truly loves me

as unattainable as that of a pilot or musician? I once thought that because of my emotional wounds, I would never have any relationship with any

man , until I met the second man in my life—Wei.

He was the owner of a restaurant near our company. I would eat there every weekday at noon.

The restaurant 's decor and furnishings were in a traditional British style; the place was spacious and spotless, and the food was not only delicious but also varied. If you sat by the window and looked out, you could see different "artists" 　　putting on performances

on the street every day .

Of course, lunch here is naturally British fare. Although I've been in England

for several years, what I eat here is either fruit salad or fried chicken and burgers, no longer the porridge,

noodles, and rice I'm familiar with.

Wei and Xing are both approachable and very talkative, and their conversation is witty and humorous.

I can't treat him like other men, because he's not as frivolous and unrestrained as other men.

From his conversation, I can tell that he's only seven years older than me, yet he possesses extensive knowledge and rich

experience , as well as lofty ambitions and life goals, and he also knows how to understand other people's psychology.

I once told him that even when I'm abroad, even just once, I miss the snacks from back home.

I don't know if he deduced my homesickness from our conversation, or why he took my

joke so seriously. Unexpectedly, a few days later, at lunchtime in his restaurant, after ordering,

he actually served me a plate of my favorite, fragrant and piping hot braised pork knuckle.

Eating braised pork knuckle in a traditional British restaurant might seem strange, but it

was this dish that allowed me to experience the flavors of home again in a foreign land. After that, every time I went to his restaurant,

he would serve me a different Chinese dish, each one meticulously prepared in both presentation and taste.

Not only that, but to keep me awake, he would also give me a cup of strong coffee.

Before long, he became my first true male friend in England. Only then could I

truly understand him. Wei was born and raised in England, only returning to China a few times for ancestral worship, and didn't know much about Chinese culture.

However, because his father owned several large Chinese restaurants, Wei had been able to cook authentic

Chinese food since childhood. As for this British restaurant, it was a small business his father had started for him. Although he spoke fluent

Mandarin, he didn't understand Chinese history and culture. As a result, he would always find time to discuss it with me at lunchtime.

Tall, handsome, and stylish, Wei was clearly the prince charming in many women's eyes.

The office ladies dining at his restaurant were both Asian and local, each more beautiful and

more charming than me. I, on the other hand, possessed neither a beautiful face nor wore makeup; my constant reading had made

my bulky glasses an extension of my being. Yet, I could sense that he treated me differently from other women.

Even without keen intuition, everyone could easily sense that Wei's passion for me was not

innocent . If it were the old me, my heart would probably have already been conquered by him. But my past relationship with Xing

had taught me that no matter what the other person did to me, I shouldn't easily trust men, because

the beginning of a relationship always carries the possibility of failure. I didn't want my already cracked heart to be hurt again and

shattered . However, I couldn't ignore everything he had done for me.

If my colleague hadn't told me, I would have had no idea that he had worked day and night to introduce me to

many financial experts for my job; if the real estate agent hadn't told me, I would have had no idea that he

had used his connections to reserve an affordable luxury apartment for me; if my parents hadn't told me, I would have had no

idea that he had stayed by my bedside when I was sick, bringing me water and medicine…

Because of the failure of my first relationship, I had buried my heart deep inside,

covered by an unyielding iceberg. Unexpectedly, he transformed

into He became the second guiding light in my life, illuminating a bright

path for me living in the shadows of the past, and finally helping me forget Xing. Not long after, we became boyfriend and girlfriend

. After we became a couple, he didn't treat me like Xing had; instead, he treated me even better and cared for me more

…

I had asked Wei many times: why, with so many beautiful women around him, did he ultimately choose

someone as ordinary as me? Every time, he would hug me and say gently, "What I love about you is your authenticity and your purity.

In the time I've spent with you, I've discovered that you don't covet my money, you don't dress up

extravagantly just to be near me, and you don't flatter me. Compared to them, you possess a rare fortitude and resilience in women."

Several years passed in the blink of an eye. Christmas in England is much like Chinese New Year; the streets are brightly lit and

bustling with activity. The snowy weather adds to the festive atmosphere. Although we all wear gloves,

we sometimes take them off and put our hands in the same pocket to warm them. But

this year was different. As soon as I reached the Christmas tree, I put my hand in and found something. When I took it out,

I realized it was a small gift box.

"Will you marry me?" Before I could react, he had already opened the small gift box in my hand,

taken out a diamond ring, and knelt down in front of me, saying it loudly in fluent English.

People always love to watch the excitement. Seeing someone proposing to their beloved in the street, they naturally encouraged me

to do the same: "Marry him... marry him..."

Unlike Xing's frivolousness, Wei's eyes told me he wasn't joking, but seriously waiting for

my answer. At that moment, I was both nervous and excited, just like when

Xing . I was so moved that my glasses were wet with tears. I couldn't express myself with words, so I could only nod.

If the day I walked down the aisle had happened yesterday, I vividly remember

the envious glances from family and friends as we, the newlyweds, were joined in marriage. The words "happiness" and "joy" alone couldn't adequately describe my

feelings at that moment. Especially when we shared a passionate kiss before Jesus Christ and the crowd,

the fluttering our hearts was even more intense. Love was stronger than ever.

Dating is a matter between two people; marriage, however, involves a group. I thought Wei's parents would think

I was the kind of woman who climbed the social ladder, that they would look down on me because of my poor family background, or

deliberately make things difficult for me. But they didn't do that at all. On the contrary, whether dating or getting married,

they treated me like Wei, just as precious as a precious gem, which made me feel incredibly flattered.

The second night after the wedding, I knew what was coming would eventually happen. That was Wei's first request of me.

As my husband and I sat on the bed, I couldn't calm down for a long time; my heart was pounding

like . I understand that couples must be completely honest with each other in their intimate moments, but after we both removed

our last shred of modesty, I still shyly covered my most sensitive areas with my hands, my eyes

avoiding his naked gaze and turning away.

He gently stroked my skin to calm me down. My initial tension gradually

eased , and my hands, which had been guarded over my chest, relaxed, revealing my final secret to him. When he approached

my face, I could clearly feel his breath; when he embraced me, I could clearly

feel his accelerated heartbeat; when he kissed my lips, I could clearly feel his soft

touch .

When he pressed his body against mine, I felt as if I were being torn apart, a burning and painful sensation inside me. To be

honest, I disliked the

insertion the uncomfortable pain that came with it. However, because I clearly understood that this pain was Wei's love for me,

and that it was a normal part of life and a way to maintain a marriage, I was willing to try to accept it, even to

enjoy it.

Time flies, and this year of marriage marks my twelfth year in England. Looking back on my

time with Wei, he has been my friend in my sorrows,

my family when I confided in him, my partner in my life, and my comrade-in-arms in my struggles

. Because of him, I was able to escape the shadows of my past

; because of him, my life has always been very happy and

fulfilling. I once thought that Wei was the only man besides my father who was good to me, and that

was the end of that thought .

A week after the wedding, Wei and I decided to return to China to visit our family and hold another wedding banquet. Before leaving,

Lili told me online about a high school reunion and hoped I could attend.

That evening, Wei drove a friend's car to take me to the hotel where the reunion was being held. When I entered

the hotel room, even though more than ten years had passed, my classmates looked much the

same . I was happy to see all those familiar faces from high school again. I know that I

was a quiet person in high school, and the only people I could really talk to were a few female friends, Lili, and Wei.

Perhaps out of curiosity, after exchanging pleasantries with Lili, I looked around but couldn't find Xing.

I thought to myself: He must be too shy to show himself in front of me. Suddenly, a woman appeared

before .

"Are you Xiaoyun? I'm Sisi. Maybe it's because I've been looking at your photos, but I still remember

what you look like . Can we chat for a bit?" I looked this familiar woman up and down,

but couldn't quite place her.

"I am Xiaoyun, but I'm sorry, I really can't remember who you are."

"It's okay if you don't remember me. If I'm not mistaken, this is our second official meeting.

Do you remember Xing?" She paused to let me recall.

"What I want to say is about Xing..." I immediately stopped her from continuing. Although twelve years

had passed, I had finally managed to find a way out of the shadows of the past, and I didn't want

to relive those unbearable memories.

"If you're going to say anything about him, then don't.

Why should I listen to someone who doesn't even dare to come and has to ask others to speak for him?"

Just as I was about to leave, someone grabbed my wrist. It was none other

than Lili.

"It's not that he didn't want to come, it's that he simply couldn't. He told me not to tell you, but I felt

that not telling you would be unfair to both of us..." At this point, Sisi's eyes were already filled with tears. Lili

seemed know the whole story and tried to persuade me to stay. I was a little reluctant at first, but I

knew that people don't cry unless they're truly heartbroken. In the end, I was persuaded by Sisi's tears. Then, the

three of left the hotel and sat down in a relatively quiet park nearby...

"You might think of Xing as someone who deceived your feelings. But do you know why he

did it ? Actually, I was never his lover. I was just his neighbor,

a year younger than you. We grew up together, like siblings. You probably

didn't because after he met you, he told me to keep my distance

..." Hearing this, I remembered why I felt a sense of familiarity when I first met her.

"He thought he and you would have a good relationship. But things didn't go well. In his second year of high school, he had a severe

headache, and I happened to be by his side, so I accompanied him to the hospital. They found out he had a brain

tumor, but it was quite serious by the time it was discovered. Because this illness meant he

didn't have much time left, he chose to take the same English class you were taking, so he could be closer to you. At the same time,

the tumor also caused him to underperform in the college entrance exam, which was usually a good student."

"Since he had this illness, why didn't he tell me?" I couldn't help but

ask .

"He didn't tell anyone except his family, especially instructing me not to tell you. He said he absolutely

couldn't let you feel sad. After graduating from high school, his illness worsened, and his family spent all

their savings it. To ease the burden on his family, he secretly went to work outside. Even though it was small jobs,

being away from home wasn't as relaxed as being at home, and it more or less aggravated his condition." At this point, I finally

understood why he had seen me less and less back then, and why his face had become much more haggard after only a few days of seeing me.

"He knew you were a sensitive person, and he knew you couldn't let go of him. He said he didn't want you to be trapped in this hopeless cage for

a dying man, ruining your life. You should go abroad and see the

world. So, he discussed with me the idea of me playing the role of his mistress, trying to drive you away. He knew you had been to his

house, so he deliberately placed some couple's accessories in conspicuous places in the house so you could see them. But

he knew you were a bit shy and wouldn't ask him for details most of the time. Of course, he would also tell me to be available anytime

..."

"Do you remember the day you broke up?"

"Yes, even though so many years have passed, I still can't erase the memory of that day."

"It's good that you remember. We were originally planning to go to the hospital for a follow-up appointment, but when we came back, we unexpectedly

saw you tiptoeing around downstairs. He was already in poor health, and I happened to be

next to . Maybe he felt this was an opportunity given to him by God, so he made up his mind to make you break up with him.

He pressed himself against me, then walked up to you, hoping you would misunderstand. We thought you would

come up and confront us, but you didn't. Anyway, it didn't matter, you still came up and

witnessed ."

For some reason, from her tone, I always felt that her relationship with Xing wasn't just that of childhood sweethearts and neighbors,

nor was it as simple as that of a younger sister and older brother.

"After you went to England, he would always take out photos of you and me, always playing with a ring,

sometimes even holding it in his palm. I don't know what special meaning that ring held, but I know he

would always show a rare smile whenever he played with it. He passed away a year after you went to England. On his deathbed, he

told me that his only regret in life was that he couldn't keep the promise he made when he confessed his love, and he felt very ashamed that he couldn't

take care you for the rest of his life. He also said that he would watch over you from heaven after he died, hoping that you could

find someone you deeply love, and that that man could take Xing's place in taking care of you..."

Hearing this, my tears flowed uncontrollably. Sisi

gave me the photos that Xing had kept so well and his ring. Thinking back, I seemed to understand why he was so eager to kneel down and "propose" to me during the

summer vacation , and I also understood why he would get angry with me for no reason. In the end,

I couldn't contain my emotions and burst into tears while holding his belongings.

The banquet ended at 11 p.m., and Wei drove to pick me up as scheduled.

I didn't want Wei to notice anything amiss, but perhaps I couldn't control my emotions, and he still saw

me sobbing.

"What happened? Did someone bully you?"

"No...no, no one bullied me, I...I just feel like crying, I don't want to...don't want to talk..." It was a perfectly reasonable question, but now, sitting in the car, I stammered, unable to answer him, only tears streaming down my face. Wei had never forced

me

to

do

anything I didn't like, and this time was no exception. He didn't press

me for details. He simply held me close, comforting me with words.

"Although I don't know what happened, right now, in this car, it's just the two of us

. Don't hold back, cry out loud, my shoulder is always there for you." Hearing his words, I

could no control my emotions, and my piercing sobs immediately echoed in the car. Wei didn't say anything more,

nor did he let go of me because of my crying. Instead, he held me tightly in his arms, waiting for me to

finish .

"I really don't know what to say, I'm sorry..." A few minutes later, I regained consciousness.

When I placed my hand on his shirt, it was soaked.

"Of course I want to know why you're crying, but I think even the most loving couples

have some unspeakable secrets, so there's no need to apologize. If you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to say it;

I won't force you. Only when you feel you can tell me will I willingly be your

listener." Wei didn't blame me; instead, he comforted me, making me feel ashamed and embarrassed.

"I can tell you, but don't be angry after you hear it, and it's a bit long. Do you really want to hear it?"

"Silly girl, didn't I say I'd listen attentively if you're willing to talk?" He nodded

, and I began to tell Xing and me our long story of meeting and falling in love.

While I was telling the story, we had both gone home, washed up, and sat on our bed. When my

tears welled up, he would comfort me. Occasionally, he would discuss or ask me questions about what I was saying.

He didn't show the slightest displeasure; on the contrary, he listened with great interest. After I told him my whole story,

and even asked if he was angry, he hugged me tightly.

"Not only am I not angry with him, but I'm also grateful to him."

"Grateful to him? Why?" I was completely puzzled by his words.

"Without him, there would be no you now; without him, we wouldn't have met;

without him, I wouldn't have had the chance to love you for a lifetime. So, he is both your benefactor

and my benefactor. Who in this world would be angry with their benefactor, right?"

Hearing these words, I felt a deep respect for Wei from the bottom of my heart. I know that a man cannot

tolerate his wife having another man in her heart. But how much

courage does a man have to say such things? How broad is his heart? And how many people in the world can do that?

The following spring, heaven once again bestowed upon me the third man in my life—the little

baby that Wei and I had.

Both my parents and Wei's parents were overjoyed. Wei even suspended the restaurant's operations for a few days,

staying by my side constantly during the early stages of my postpartum confinement.

Traditionally, the baby's Chinese name should be chosen by the grandfather. Perhaps because my father-in-law had lived in England for

decades and was deeply influenced by Western culture, the final decision was that Wei and I should decide the name together. Wei

unhesitatingly entrusted the responsibility of naming

the baby to me. "Is it really okay for me to decide the baby's

name?" I asked. "It's alright, the baby already has the same surname as me, right? The name should be chosen by the mother."

As a result, because of Wei's understanding, I named the baby Nian'en. The four

elders praised it, but they didn't know the origin of the name. This origin

became a little secret between Wei and me.

Heaven didn't bestow upon me a beautiful face, a graceful figure, or any extraordinary talents.

I am just an ordinary woman. However, within this ordinariness, I received

extraordinary treatment. It bestowed upon me an unforgettable first love and a happy family. Especially Xing and Wei,

to have their selfless love is my greatest dream, and I have no regrets in this life.

Some might think, "Isn't this all perfectly normal?" But how many women in this

world have experienced what Lili has, and how many women can truly understand true love?

(The End)

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