[Modern Emotions] Ending in Loneliness

I've always missed Sakura, never forgotten her. At midnight, in my car, I saw the dim yellow lights of the bridge spanning the river, cars speeding across. The streets were silent, like after the apocalypse. I always wondered where she hid the pair of underwear she took from me, so her husband wouldn't find it. I've forgotten the days, I don't remember the date she left.

I promised her that even if I made love to any woman, I wouldn't stay overnight. She didn't want me to hug someone all night, nor would she let anyone hug me all night. I haven't hugged any woman for a very long time. My heart is parched and barren. A desolate wasteland. But I vaguely remember once letting a woman stay

overnight. That was the only time I failed to keep my promise to her. Perhaps she'll forgive me. I remember it was winter. She took off layer after layer of clothes. She had seaweed-like hair like Sakura. In my half-dreaming state, she seemed to tell me her name was Shaoyi. But I don't know her real name, nor did I see the words she left on the table. I don't know why I let her stay. I only remember that I made love to her. While embracing her, I thought of Sakura.

Why do I remember her? When we made love, she called me an idiot. Did I mistakenly give her Sakura back then?

I can't remember what I was thinking at the time.

Later, the last woman I met was named Mu. When I made love to her, I occasionally didn't think of Sakura anymore.

My mind was blank. The primal needs of the body always make one bow down to oneself. We didn't say a word to each other during sex. We only felt each other's intense needs. She breathed heavily during her orgasm, her vagina contracting violently. After a man ejaculates, his passion drops sharply, and he feels unusually irritable, suddenly hating himself for having this thing between his legs.

He gets up to smoke. Watching the flickering cigarette butt, unable to bear his weight, suddenly break and fall rapidly. Torn apart by the air in mid-air. It felt as if he had fallen from a great height in an instant, his feet sinking into nothingness, his heart tightening violently. A pain radiated from his heart to his lower abdomen, which felt icy cold.

She was curled up, sleeping in the corner. I never knew her thoughts. We rarely spoke. Like a wounded cat. I looked at her, a pang of pain occasionally flashing through my heart, a longing to embrace her. She would sleep peacefully in my arms. But in my dreams, I followed Sakura, running endlessly across the fields. It felt like spring; I had never felt such a vivid dream. I could even see the yellow petals around me. Sakura smiled softly, then suddenly stopped and hugged me. She said, "This place is so beautiful, let's make love here."

I saw her snow-white shirt, her hair blowing in the wind, like waves on a grassland. She opened her arms, the wind blowing open her shirt, revealing her snow-white breasts. I held her and laid her on the grass. The soft grass felt like an enormous carpet. She smiled softly. Gently, she helped me take off my clothes. I unbuttoned her pants and saw a lush, mysterious black forest and a babbling brook.

When I woke up, I found myself holding Mu in my arms. I turned on the lamp, and in the soft light, I saw tears clinging to her eyelids. She would cry even in her sleep.

I don't know why I made love with this woman for so long.

An endless inner search, ending with nothing. I don't know if I should forget her. Sometimes I hate her in my heart. That woman named Sakura has resided in my heart for far too long. I've forgotten how to forget her. All that comes with it is endless loneliness. This woman beside me, our endless, silent physical demands on each other were merely attempts to fill the emptiness within. But in the end, only defeat followed.

I don't know her past. Nor do I know her current thoughts. We made love together. Then we went to sleep separately. Occasionally we embraced. But we wouldn't hurt each other. That was all we could give each other.

Later she asked if I could come live in her city, that she would find a job to support herself. I couldn't agree to such a request, nor could I refuse. She insisted on coming with me. We started living together. And we started cooking and eating in the house. Sometimes

I came home late, and she would wait for me in the dark. I asked her why she didn't turn on the light. She silently lifted the lid of the table and quietly said, "Let's eat." The food was already cold. I suddenly felt inexplicably irritated.

I put down my bowl and went to the bathroom to smoke. She slowly finished eating by herself, then quietly went to wash the dishes.

I said, "Why can't we talk? Why did you come here?

" She said, "Would you believe me if I told you? Can you say I like you?" I

sneered inwardly, but couldn't find the words to refute her.

I coldly said, "Then do you know if I like you?"

She didn't say anything. She quietly washed the dishes.

Actually, I thought later, maybe she really did like me. Otherwise, why would she do that? A woman, all alone, ran to a strange man's city and lived a lonely life with him. And often endured his rude tantrums and torment. And all he could give her was a cold room and embraces and lovemaking in the dark.

Later, I occasionally went out with her on weekends. We went to the store to buy various things, like a loving couple.

She jumped around in front of me in the crowd, like a small child. But who knows how pale, empty, and unfathomable the heart of such a beautiful young woman is? Beneath this bright exterior lies a decadent, untouched dark world.

Actually, we can live more simply; we don't need to care about the past.

Is that so? Can it really be so?

As long as you can open your heart and forgive everything in the past, including others and yourself.

Later, I thought, perhaps that's true. Perhaps there is no past that can't be let go of. What we try so hard to remember isn't a particular person or event, but simply our unwillingness to let go of ourselves. Like a nostalgic person clinging to a childhood toy, even if it has become worthless. What they can't throw away isn't a toy, but an attempt to hold onto past beauty.

Is the beauty of the past truly beautiful?

I talked to Mu. We talked about our pasts. We talked about the time and object of our first sexual encounter, and the time and object of our last.

She said, "You're actually a very lovely person."

I was a little stunned. I thought, I'm definitely not a lovely person. I never imagined someone would describe me like that. I said, "I suddenly realized that you're actually really cute."

She smiled happily. That day, after we made love, we hugged each other and fell asleep together. I woke up in the middle of the night and found her holding my penis in her sleep. We were both naked, and I could feel that her body temperature was a little high. Smooth skin and thick black hair. I reached out and stroked her buttocks. She woke up and said, "Will you stroke me all night?"

We stroked each other. We started making love again in the dark. Her vagina was still tight, and the copious amount of fluid made her very lubricated. This time, I came quickly, and she hadn't orgasmed when I ejaculated. She wanted me to masturbate her. I gently stroked her clitoris and inserted my fingers into her vagina, and she quickly orgasmed.

She hugged me tightly. I felt her body convulsing in waves. Much later, I felt her tears. In the darkness, I couldn't see her face.

Being alone for too long can make someone cruel. I felt that perhaps I was being cruel. When she cried in my arms, I didn't feel any heartache. Only when I watched her happily running and jumping in front of me did I feel a dull ache. And at the moment my fingers entered her vagina, and she had a violent orgasm, I felt a clear, intense pain in my heart. I don't know why. At that moment, I felt how fragile she was. A childlike fragility, a fragility that trembled and convulsed violently in my arms, easily crushed by me.

When spring came, Sakura's hometown was beautiful. Actually, I didn't know her exact address. We discussed going on a trip together. She strongly insisted on going to Sakura's hometown. This time, she was unusually resolute. I said, "Why do you want to go there? Will seeing her make you happy, or do you think I'll be happy seeing her?" She only said, "You need to see her again to forget her." I thought, perhaps she had a point. I

just followed the directions and location. In the end, I found out about her. I never thought I would search for her like this. I thought that regardless of whether she was doing well or not, I shouldn't disturb her life. Perhaps she still missed me. I planned to secretly visit her and her child. I told Mu all this, and she agreed, then looked at me gently and said, "I want to see what kind of woman this is."

At that moment, I was certain that the woman in front of me loved me.

She wanted to compare herself to the woman in my heart.

In the end, I don't know what the comparison would lead to in her own heart. At least, in my heart, I never compared them. Everyone is independent and incomparable. The weight one person holds in another's heart cannot be determined by any comparison. When Mu left, she left me a letter. I only saw my name on the envelope. I finished a cigarette on the balcony, watching the ant-like crowd below, busily moving through this vast yet cramped world, feeling lost. Then, I lit the letter.

I suddenly remembered a strange woman who seemed to have told me my name was Shaoyi, and the letter she left me that I hadn't opened. This time, however, I felt nothing. All the pain and loneliness are gone.

(6410 bytes

) [The End]

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/161306.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=161306&aspx=1

Previous Page : [Incestuous Relationship with Married Women] Two Mothers in the Dormitory

Next Page : [Fantasy] Mediterranean Love and Hatred

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

[Modern Emotions] Ending in Loneliness

comment Open a new window to view comments