M's autobiographical story

I was born in a small town in Northeast China. When I was born, my family was still farming. My father drove a truck for a transport company, and that's when the family moved to the countryside and into an apartment building. I was an only child, and my father was very strict. He would beat me if I didn't do well on tests, often leaving my buttocks red and swollen, still sore the next day in class. He only stopped beating me after I started junior high school, probably because he felt his daughter was old enough. When I was little, I didn't understand sex. When I saw Su San being escorted to her death on TV, my heart would pound, and I wished I were the one being tortured. I would pretend to use plastic flowers as clothespins, fantasizing that they would pinch my own hands.
During summer vacation after my first year of junior high, I was home alone and used the hemp rope my father used to tie up the truck to tie myself to the radiator. We lived on the top floor, so I would wrap the rope around the horizontal pipe above the radiator, tie it to my feet, and hang a stool from the other end of the rope, suspending my feet. I also used a rubber hose from the urinal to insert into my anus and pour cold water into it. I even used fish and ham sausages to insert into my anus. (It wasn't something I specifically bought; I just liked eating fish sausages when I was little.) Back then, I didn't understand sex or SM; I just felt I liked it. I often felt like a weirdo, and I'd be too ashamed to face anyone if others found out.
After starting high school, my dad got a back brace and needed frequent massages. He couldn't do heavy physical labor, and his back would ache whenever it was cloudy or rainy, so he couldn't do his delivery work anymore. The family relied on my dad's welfare and my mom's cleaning job at a private company to make ends meet. I got into the county's top high school, where we shared a dormitory with 10 people. The academic pressure was immense. Seeing how hard my parents worked to support my studies, I vowed to get into university and gradually forgot about my "hobby." My college entrance exam scores were average, and I barely got into a third-rate university in Beijing, majoring in a field I was assigned to.
University Days:
Arriving in Beijing, I saw how wonderful the world was. Although university life was tough, I paid for my tuition with student loans. My family gave me 300 yuan a month for living expenses, and I could occasionally find part-time jobs like sales promoters or survey takers at school, so I managed to get by each month. In my sophomore year, I met a boy from the same school whose family bought him a house in Lishuiqiao. One night, we went to see a late-night movie, went to a bar, and then went back to his house. I lost my virginity in a daze, and he felt very guilty about it ever since. He was a thoughtful man; he picked me up for class every morning and often called to check on me. Every time we went to his house, he would gently play for 10 minutes of foreplay before asking what positions I preferred. When he entered me, he would be slow and gentle, asking if it would hurt. Actually, I wished he could be more intense and rougher.
My roommates all had computers, and I occasionally watched movies with them. I also registered on QQ and email, and sometimes went to internet cafes. One night, while I was playing Legend of Mir 2 at an internet cafe with my boyfriend, I saw someone at the next table looking at a website selling adult products. I secretly copied down the address and opened a small window on my computer to look at it too. A dazzling array of adult products caught my eye: handcuffs, ropes, vibrators, anal plugs—I'd unknowingly soaked the internet cafe chairs. That day, I learned what SM was, and that my childhood "hobby" was a form of masochism.
From that day on, I often went to the internet cafe alone at night, found a quiet corner, and stayed up all night browsing various SM websites. Last year during vacation, I found a job promoting beer, earning 1500 yuan, of which I sent 500 yuan home.
At an adult product store outside Dongzhimen, I bought two vibrators, a small anal plug, a chastity belt, a simple dildo, and a pair of nipple clamps. I also bought a rope at a general store (the ones at the adult product store were too expensive).
At night, when I was alone, I'd put the two vibrators, the anal plug, and the chastity belt in my dorm room, tie myself up with the rope, and go for a walk on campus. Occasionally, I'd fill a Coke bottle with water, hold the bottle opening to my anus, and give myself an enema. I secretly hid all these things in a suitcase under my bed in the dorm. These things had a peculiar scent, which left a strange smell on some of my clothes. Some classmates noticed and secretly told me not to use cheap perfume.
Once, I tied myself up inside my clothes to go to class. I tied myself up a bit too tightly, and since the professor was marking questions for my major course and discussing graduation thesis requirements, I held back from going to the bathroom to untie myself. When class ended, I found several marks on my body from the rope. The next day was the weekend, and I went to karaoke with some of my boyfriend's friends. By the time we finished, the dorm was closed, so I had to go home with my boyfriend. When he wanted to be intimate, he saw the marks from the rope and flew into a rage, calling me a promiscuous slut who had been seeing other men behind his back. I explained that I hadn't done anything to betray him, but he didn't believe me. He said he'd watched Japanese AVs, and in those, it was always men tying women up; who would tie themselves up for no reason? We argued
until dawn. I went back to the dorm, took my suitcase to his house, showed him everything, and told him my inner thoughts and my past. My boyfriend said he believed I hadn't done anything to betray him, but he couldn't accept my "hobby." So we broke up.
The first SM
's pain from losing her boyfriend wasn't just the pain of heartbreak; it was a feeling of being rejected by society. The way my boyfriend looked at me was as if I were some kind of monster in the world. In my final year of university, I didn't have many classes, so I was busy looking for a job and writing my thesis. Occasionally, I'd go to internet cafes and start chatting with people who liked SM. Often, male SMs who added me on QQ would ask for online BDSM or video chats. I could only smile bitterly—online BDSM in an internet cafe?
Once, a male SM I was chatting with suggested meeting in person, going to a hotel room for a real BDSM session. I agreed. When we got to the hotel room, a man in his thirties opened the door. He was average-looking, wearing pajamas, and had a beer belly. After we confirmed each other's identities, he became stern and ordered me to take off my clothes. Although I had abused myself before, this was the first time I'd ever undressed in front of a strange man, so I hesitated slightly.
He said since we were already out having fun, there was nothing to be shy about, let's go take a shower first. I thought about it and agreed, so after showering, I walked out of the bathroom wearing only my underwear, arms crossed over my chest. The male S put a collar around my neck and ordered me to crawl down, head close to the ground, and lick his toes. I felt humiliated, yet also excited; I enjoyed the semi-forced feeling of licking his toes. The male S then tied me to a four-legged stool in the hotel, pulled down my underwear, stuffed it into my mouth, and tied it twice with rope. He whipped my buttocks and back, and I didn't make a sound, though I was already soaking wet down there. The male S said I should relax, there was no need to hold back, it was just the two of us. I tried to scream, but only whimpering came out. The male S moved me to the bed, tied rope around my body several times, making my breasts into a circle. The chain around my neck was attached to the headboard, and a bar was used to handcuff my feet to either side, then my hands were handcuffed to the middle of the bar. I could only lie there facing the mattress, my butt sticking up. The male S inserted an electric dildo with a ball bearing into my body, tied it to the rope, and then went to the side to smoke, watching me whimper with my butt sticking up. Within the time it takes to smoke two cigarettes, I had two orgasms.
The male S applied a lot of lubricant to my anus; I knew he wanted anal sex. I had no experience with anal sex and was very nervous.
Perhaps I was clenching too tightly, because after a few attempts, the male S assumed I was very unwilling and then inserted it into my anus. The male S thrust wildly for over 10 minutes, ejaculating inside me, during which I had one orgasm.
After ejaculating, he went to take a shower, and when he came back, he untied me. Lying on the bed, he told me that he liked to tie up girls for sex, and that the others were only for me, while I liked SM. I asked how he knew. He said that when he penetrated me, he didn't get as high as when I was tied up alone. After that, I went to a hotel with this male protagonist twice more. Just as he said, he wanted a different kind of sex, while I wanted a SM experience. At the end of the third time, he asked me if there was anything he could help me with. I said I'd help him find a job. He smiled wryly and said, "Giving you some financial assistance is possible, but helping someone with an SM relationship find a job... I don't think you'd want me to meet your friends in real life." More...
In the following period, I went to hotel rooms with two more men I met online. The first one had very professional tools and excellent bondage skills, but he felt cold and impersonal, as if we didn't need to communicate, and I was just a toy, a talking toy. He was completely immersed in his master's pleasure, manipulating me back and forth, enjoying the joy of being the master, without paying any attention to my feelings. He hit my buttocks hard with a brand, and when he inserted a larger anal plug than I had used before, it hurt a lot. The process was quite exciting, but something felt off, so I didn't contact him again.
The second one looked about my age and had little experience. After I questioned him, I learned that it was his first time going to a hotel room, and all the professionalism he described online was fake. I felt very bad about being deceived. He said he could do whatever I said. Then who was the master? Haha. So, I fled the hotel in embarrassment and panic.
[The End]

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M's autobiographical story

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