[Transgender Beauty's Urban Romance] 01

This article is written to commemorate three close lovers I've had during the four years I've been away from writing, including two TSs and
one woman. Thanks to them, they filled some important gaps in my life over the years. Therefore, many
events in this article are based on my personal experiences, but I hope readers won't take them too seriously.
I. A Glimmer of Night The
2015 stock market crash once again thrust the Chinese A-share market into the eye of the storm of criticism from writers and intellectuals
. Those experts who had once predicted a 10,000-point drop suddenly disappeared, replaced by painful reflections and various
online jokes such as "The greatest heroes are those who buy stocks for the country." However, in my opinion,
those who still have the leisure to criticize are somewhat detached from reality. In this crash, no less devastating than the 2008 stock market
crash, those who lost everything, even their lives, have long since either gone to the rooftop or descended into hell. With only half a breath left
, they have no time to offer advice. Take me, for example. I'm now completely exhausted,
just one step away from the abyss.
As a hardworking post-80s generation individual, I've been in a daze these days, feeling like I'm
in a dream. At the beginning of the year, under my girlfriend's strong encouragement, I invested all my savings in the stock market, which was supposedly capable of creating miracles. Six
months later, I personally experienced this miracle, but the price of the miracle was the loss of
all the ideals of a young person who should have continued to move forward.
"Risk, risk, you always talk about risk. Do you even love me? Do you want to marry me? We're both thirty years old
, and with the little money you have, you can't even afford a down payment on a house. What makes you think you can love me!"
Wandering like a lost soul in the bustling night, I often recall
the words my ex-girlfriend Lingling used to encourage me to take such a risk. Actually, I don't particularly blame her. In the atmosphere of national fervor at the time, combined with my
delusion as a poor second-generation heir and her, a former class beauty, to spend my life together, I can only blame the inherent inequality of life
and my own cowardice exposed in the face of unrealistic fantasies.
Neither Lingling nor I wanted to see the final outcome of going back to square one . For
eleven months since the beginning of the year, watching our assets shrink, we've had our share of heated arguments. A week ago, finally cutting my losses
and recovering my last bit of savings, on that historically significant day, I gave
the goddess I'd worshipped for years a resounding slap in the face.
"You good-for-nothing! You only have this little bit of money left in your pocket, how dare you say you love me?! What are we going to do now?
Are you even planning to marry me? What happened to your promises? What happened to your bullshit ideals?! I was blind to
actually entrust my life to you!"
"Let's break up. Go find someone else, my family and I can't afford to be near you!"
"Slap."
To this day, I still think this might be one of the few bold words I uttered in my not-so-successful life. But
I also know that behind this nonchalant attitude lies the helplessness of having to let her go. After all, with Lingling's beauty, even though she
's over thirty, she still has no shortage of suitors. It's better for me to let go than for us
to continue tormenting each other with this poor guy who has no future.
It's deep winter. Looking at the brightly lit skyscrapers, watching the pedestrians going their separate ways in the cold wind, and looking
at the record I still keep of 98,250 yuan deposited into my account, I realize that this is all
the wealth I have left. That day, I moved out of the apartment Lingling and I were renting. To escape the sweltering heat at home, I temporarily
moved to a cheap hotel costing around 100 yuan.
Lying on the damp hotel bed, smoking the only 8-yuan Hongtashan cigarettes I could afford, with a bucket of Master Kong
instant noodles beside me, I thought about how I was already thirty years old and now had to start all over again. I wanted to open Baidu Tieba and
pretend to be a rich and handsome guy to make some fun of myself, but with my phone in my hand, I simply didn't have the energy for such self-deception. Just
then, the phone rang. The caller ID wasn't Lingling, whom I hadn't contacted for days, but
my mother, who was far away.
"Ma Le, how's work going lately?"
"Fine..."
"How are things going with Lingling?"
"Fine..."
"I have something to ask you."
"Hmm..."
"Do you have 3000 yuan? Lend it to me, I'll pay you back next month."
"Mom! Did you gamble it all away again? It's only been a few months since you borrowed from me last time, why are you borrowing again?"
"Mom didn't go gambling, I recently saw an investment product, and I'm short a few thousand yuan..."
"Do you think I'm a three-year-old? You always make up excuses, and in the end you still go gambling! Have you forgotten
why Dad and I separated? So many years..."
"Okay, okay, if you can't lend it to me, fine, don't mention that bastard. If it weren't for that vixen
... sob sob... now even my own son despises me..."
"Alright, alright, I'll transfer it to you via WeChat! Use it wisely!" "
Don't be as heartless as your dad, living the high life in the big city while your own mother suffers in the countryside."
"Okay, stop talking, do you want it or not?"
"Okay, transfer it to me, as soon as possible."
Just as my mother was about to hang up, I could even hear another woman in the background
calling her name for an upcoming card game. Actually, this wasn't the first or second time she'd made up various excuses to borrow money from me. Five years ago, it
was her gambling addiction that ultimately drove my father away, something I still can't easily forgive. But
sometimes, thinking about her current situation—laid-off factory worker, barely making ends meet with her small shop, her son
working in a big city with no prospect of success, the loneliness of having no one around creating immense pressure—I
feel sorry for her, and even hate myself. Frankly, if I could earn enough money, these problems would naturally
disappear. But now, with no savings and a lost girlfriend, even with this unreliable mother, I don't know
how to face her in the future.
That night, after transferring the money to my mother, I lay silently in bed, pondering for a long time. Every little detail from childhood to adulthood
is etched in my heart: Lingling's initial expectations and eventual disappointment, my mother's constant hopes for me and
her self-indulgence, my father's increasingly blurred figure and rare smiles—all these memories flash before my eyes like a revolving lantern.
A fleeting thought flashed through my mind. I knew I had no right or time to grieve in silence, yet my eyes, which hadn't shed tears in a long time , finally gave way, and
tears that probably no one would pity fell.
The next morning, I, who had never been late before for fear of being docked pay, unusually didn't arrive
at work until nine o'clock. Fortunately, everyone from my supervisors to my colleagues knew how diligent I usually was, so no one
gossiped about my lateness. As the saying goes, busyness is the best medicine for worries, and that day I worked even harder than usual, afraid
that if I had time to relax, I would overthink things. Throughout the day, Lingling still hadn't contacted me. I admit I was a little
tempted to contact her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I could only try to distract myself from my inner demons by working hard.
I've never been so afraid of leaving work, because I would feel lost, and even more afraid that the silence of being alone would
make me think of Lingling again. Perhaps I am indeed a cowardly man who can't 　　bring himself to be ruthless , because loneliness and
worries about the future make the long nights unbearable. Fortunately, I still have a sliver of reason, understanding that I am now like a pile of dung, bringing trouble to anyone I touch. 　　On a winter's night, I, who never dared to indulge in extravagance, wandered aimlessly until I noticed a 　　small bar with a dim light emanating from the roadside. I was so troubled at the time that, as if possessed, I walked into a bar for the first time in my life . The bar wasn't far from the small hotel where I was staying, 　　and the words "Sisters Bar" were dimly 　　written on the shabby facade . 　　"Maybe after a couple of drinks, I can go back and sleep right away..." With a slightly nervous yet expectant 　　feeling, I pushed open the bar door, beginning another chapter in my life. 　　The bar was small, but fortunately, it was quite clean. Judging from the simple stage and the mere 　　eight tables, this bar seemed to scream "cheap," perfect 　　for a poor guy like me who wanted to drink but was afraid of spending money. When I walked in, 　　there were only two or three groups of customers at the eight small tables, and the bar's staff seemed to consist of just a female server and 　　a male bartender sitting behind a small corner counter. 　　"What would you like, sir?" After I sat down, the seemingly quite charming female server 　　immediately came over. 　　"Three bottles of Carlsberg, please." I glanced at the drink menu, knowing full well that I could only afford beer 　　. In my limited knowledge, I had at least seen Carlsberg commercials on TV. 　　"Please wait a moment, sir." The female server smiled politely at me and turned to leave, but to be honest, her service 　　was surprisingly good. If Lingling had been even a little bit more polite to me than the female server, we probably wouldn't 　　have ended up like this. 　　After a while, the waiter brought over three bottles of beer, and I took the opportunity to point to the 　　small stage at the back of the bar. 　　"Is there a live singer here?" 　　"We don't usually hire live singers. The female owner sometimes sings 　　a couple of songs to liven things up when it's crowded." 　　"How many owners are there?" 　　"There are two female owners. The one who usually goes on stage is our youngest owner, Coco." 　　"Oh, so... there won't be one today? I mean, a live singer." 　　"I'm sorry, sir, she's not here today. If you want to hear some music, come back tomorrow night at eight o'clock. 　　Coco will be here tomorrow." 　　"Okay... thank you..." 　　Originally intending to drown my sorrows in alcohol, I felt a little disappointed seeing no singer performing, so I just played on my phone 　　and drank silently. Fortunately, I'm not a big drinker; after two bottles of Carlsberg, I was already a little tipsy 　　. In my hazy state, I noticed that the only female waitress was slim and cute, and occasionally glancing at 　　her added a bit of fun to the gloomy night. 　　About an hour later, I had finished three bottles of wine. The rare feeling of being lightheaded actually felt 　　quite good. Just as I was about to pay the bill and leave to get some sleep at my small hotel, Lingling suddenly sent me 　　a WeChat message. 　　"I've moved all my things out, you can come back tomorrow. The rent is due in a month, and 　　I've already had the agency return my deposit. It's up to you whether you renew the lease or move." 　　Seeing Lingling's message, regardless of the content, I couldn't help but call her, only 　　to hear "user's phone is switched off." I wanted to send her another WeChat message immediately, but 　　I hesitated, holding my phone. 　　Thinking about it carefully, what could I say? We'd already broken up. Even if I was poor, could I really bring myself to blame 　　her for taking away several thousand yuan in deposit? Since it was impossible to get back together, there was no need to argue about these 　　petty things and add to each other's troubles. 　　"Three more Carlsbergs, please!" With a bitter smile, I simply chose to continue drinking; after all, alcohol was the only 　　thing that could make me happy at that moment. 　　In a hazy state, I recalled every little detail of my time with Lingling, from my unrequited love in college to 　　the miraculous success of my confession just before graduation. From our shared hopes for the future when we first entered the workforce to our gradual 　　indifference under the pressure of reality, from the trepidation and persistence of investing in the stock market to our falling out when we almost lost everything. I hated 　　Lingling's pragmatism, but I hated my own uselessness even more. 　　My memories shifted from Lingling to my parents. Images flashed through my mind in reverse chronological order: 　　my mother's increasingly severe gambling addiction in recent years, my father's sudden departure five years ago, their fierce arguments at home a few years before that 　　, and the loving smiles they gave me when I was little. 　　"Sir, sir, we're closing." 　　When I heard the waitress's soft call, I suddenly realized I had fallen asleep without even noticing. I glanced 　　at the clock at the bar entrance and realized it was already 1 a.m., which immediately woke me up. 　　The waitress's bright eyes were looking at me with a puzzled expression, but thankfully she didn't seem to mind that I had 　　slept there for so long. 　　"I...I'm sorry...I didn't realize I had fallen asleep." I quickly gathered my clothes and took out 　　two hundred-yuan bills, placing them on the table.

"Sir, are you alright? I was crying in my sleep." The waitress asked considerately 　　as she gave me my change .
"I'm sorry, please excuse me, I'm fine." I was even more embarrassed that my dream had been so unpleasant. I
quickly put on my coat, left the bar, and walked through several quiet
streets in the dark at one in the morning, finally returning to my place.
The next day after work, I returned to the home I shared with Lingling. Although it had only been nine days, it felt like
a lifetime had passed. Opening the door, I was unsurprisingly greeted by the obvious emptiness left by Lingling moving her belongings.
The warmth of the past, along with the warmth of her heart, had vanished. The beautiful memories we shared and the reality of our separation
made me instantly understand what it meant to be reminded of someone by familiar objects, and what it meant to be overwhelmed with grief.
I sat silently on my bed, lit a cigarette, and absentmindedly scrolled through my WeChat Moments, looking
at my friends who were so much luckier than me. Everyone seemed to be showing off their happiness. It was only then that I
noticed that just two days ago, Lingling had posted a photo on her WeChat Moments. A picture of her with a handsome guy,
accompanied by the caption "Holding hands, growing old together," struck me like a hammer blow.
"A perfect match, a perfect match, haha... not bad, at least she's found her place... hahaha
..."
That night, finally free from having to stay in a cheap hotel to avoid Lingling, I suddenly realized that after years of
struggling for my ideals, I didn't even have a single good friend to drink with at night. Years of this
monotonous life had perhaps prematurely aged me, turning me into a true loser, adrift from
the core of this world.
"Excuse me, sir, the female boss isn't here today. If you want to hear some music, come back tomorrow night at eight o'clock.
Coco will be here tomorrow." Looking at my watch, it was only seven o'clock. The thought of spending a
long night alone, plus tomorrow being Saturday, suddenly reminded me of what the bartender had said last night.
After calculating the money in my pocket and considering that it was only a half-hour walk from here to the bar, I decided to
go to that reasonably priced little bar again tonight. No matter how basic the facilities were, hearing
someone else sing was much better than wallowing in self-pity. Anyway, I was already all alone
, so why should I care about spending a couple of drinks?
Half an hour later, when I pushed open the bar's curtain again, the first thing I saw was a
small blackboard at the entrance that read, "Sexy singer Coco will be performing tonight at 8 PM." Perhaps because someone was singing,
seven of the eight tables were already occupied, and the simple little bar felt a little more lively than last night
.
"Sir, you're here again," a cute-looking, young waitress
greeted me with a smile as soon as I entered. It seemed that my sleeping in the bar last night, and even crying in my sleep, had made her
remember me quickly.
"Excuse me, I'm bothering you again tonight. Three bottles of Carlsberg, please." In recent years, apart from Lingling
, I haven't experienced a young woman smiling at me, making me feel somewhat embarrassed.
"It's alright, sir, you're too kind. My name is Xiaojing, please call me anytime if you need anything."
After leading me to the last empty seat, the waitress named Xiaojing smiled sweetly and went to attend to other customers. I
shook my head with a wry smile, thinking that this waitress named Xiaojing was indeed quite cute.
Not long after I sat down, a tall, slender woman with long, straight black hair, dressed in black, walked onto the small
stage. She held a guitar in her hands, seemingly unconcerned about the guests below, and began to sing. Her
voice was slightly husky, very much in the style of Tian Zhen, but she looked only in her early twenties. If
she was the owner of this place, she was quite accomplished for her age.
"You said...you have nothing, how can we grow old
together? I said...I'm covered in wounds, how can I stay by your side for life? You said...you're in the world, perhaps facing danger everywhere. I said...I've seen through the world
, life is like being a walking corpse...ahhh...how can we not be together,
at least we can walk hand in hand to our graves together."
The simple guitar melody paired with the melancholic lyrics, plus the husky voice of the female singer named Coco
, immediately filled the bar with an atmosphere of sorrow. Some customers continued chatting
and drinking, while others were quickly drawn in by the song. As for myself, I quickly became one of the latter;
the subtle chill in the lyrics struck my fragile heart again.
'Walk hand in hand to our graves together...what kind of experience could write such lyrics...
' I, who rarely listens to original songs, was surprised and savored the meaning of the lyrics.
The first song ended quickly, and the female singer, without even glancing at the audience, began her second song.
However, from the second song onward, the original songs were replaced with
more melancholic ballads like "Don't Leave Me," "If This Isn't Love," and "Heartbreaking." Whether original or adapted from other artists' hits, the songs consistently maintained
a somber and melancholic tone. The female singer's long hair, enough to cover half her face, and her all-black attire, combined with
the dim lighting of the small bar, continuously created a somber atmosphere.
She sang a total of eight songs before standing up. Amidst sparse applause,
she attempted to leave, only to find one of the male customers already standing beside her.
He made a barely audible gesture, which the female singer silently nodded, and the two of them
slipped behind a curtain beside the small stage. Meanwhile, I had just finished three bottles of Carlsberg and
called Xiao Jing to my side. "Is Miss Coco not singing anymore?" I 　　asked Xiaojing,
having been engrossed in the singing and intending to order two more drinks . 　　"Coco only sings seven or eight songs a day. She's the owner here and doesn't get paid for singing, so 　　she doesn't want to tire herself out." Xiaojing replied politely after placing the two bottles of beer on the table. 　　"Okay, thank you. Your boss sang quite well." Despite feeling rather disappointed by Coco's departure 　　, I forced an understanding smile.

"Coco usually performs two or three times a week. We hope you'll come and visit often, sir."
Xiao Jing, probably already used to customers who enjoyed Coco's husky voice, gave me a polite smile. Then, amidst
the greetings of other customers, she turned and left.
It was past ten o'clock at night, and fearing I'd fall asleep again, I decided to finish my last two bottles before leaving.
As Coco left, the bar emptied out, and soon only I and a middle-
aged man at another table remained, each drinking our last bit of solitary contemplation.
Just as I was about to finish my last drink, the man who had gone through the small curtain with Coco
finally came out, and Xiao Jing immediately slipped inside. About five minutes later, Xiao Jing emerged from the curtain again
, walked over to the only other middle-aged man remaining in the bar besides me, and whispered a few words to him.
The middle-aged man seemed pleased and immediately stood up and went through the curtain next to the stage.
Although I found the two men's coming and going strange, my naiveté led me to initially
assume they were regular customers who could chat with Coco. Out of fear of loneliness and
a touch of pity for the melancholy in Coco's song, I called over Xiaojing, who was clearing the table. I paid for the drinks and then asked,
"Excuse me, what are these guests doing behind the curtain?"
"These two are regulars," Xiaojing replied, her professional smile unexpectedly vanishing
, replaced by a hint of panic. Her answer didn't immediately resolve my question.
"Regulars can go backstage, right? If I come often enough, can I go in too?"
Still confused, I continued with my foolish question.
"Well... it's hard to say. But you'll have to pay more to get in... and I'm not sure
if you're suitable to go in, sir..."
As Xiaojing continued her hesitant reply, even though I wasn't sure at the time, the combination of the shabby little bar,
the nighttime singers, the gatherings with regulars backstage, and the fact that regulars had to pay more after entering through the curtain—
even if I didn't understand much, I vaguely guessed the answer. Strangely enough, I wasn't particularly excited
, nor did I think the bar was a den of iniquity. When Xiaojing said I wasn't suitable to go in,
I suddenly felt a surge of anger, an anger at being looked down upon.
"Is it because I cry while drinking, and only drink Carlsberg, that I look like I can't even afford this much money
?" The negative emotions of the past few days suddenly erupted under the influence of alcohol, and I
jumped up from my seat, glaring at Xiaojing with displeasure.
My loud shout not only startled Xiaojing but also attracted two other people. One of them was
a young bartender who had been mixing drinks for customers in the corner, and the other was a voluptuous young woman who
came out from behind a small curtain next to the stage upon hearing the commotion.
"Sir, you don't understand our situation here. What's behind the curtain might not be suitable for you, but it has
nothing to do with how much money you have." The young woman looked to be in her early thirties, her tone calm yet authoritative.
Judging from her stepping between Xiaojing and me, the young woman seemed to hold a higher position here than Xiaojing.
"Why isn't it suitable for me? Because I'm poor? Because I've shed tears? I only know that Miss Coco's lyrics
are very beautiful. Whether you're covered in wounds or a walking corpse, I think the lyrics mean that everyone should
continue to live strongly." Seeing the rather beautiful young woman bravely standing in front of Xiaojing, I felt
like I was the villain here. Although I was still arguing, I was inwardly regretting my
earlier rude attitude. "Some things can't be said outright. I just hope that, sir, you won't get involved 　　in this mess
without knowing the full story ..." 　　At this moment, not only was the young woman standing between me and Xiaojing, but even the rather young and handsome 　　bartender had joined her, glaring at me angrily. As the only male employee in the bar, I 　　was certain that if I escalated the situation further, he might take action against me. 　　After a standoff of less than ten seconds, something completely unexpected happened. A 　　burst of cursing erupted, and the middle-aged man who had just gone behind the curtain 　　stormed out, pulling up his pants as he angrily shouted 　　, "What a piece of trash! Just a transvestite, how many men have fucked your asshole? And you're still pretending to be 　　innocent with me!" 　　The middle-aged man's shouts startled everyone present. The young woman's face immediately contorted, and ignoring 　　me, who seemed even less threatening, she rushed forward with the bartender. 　　"Mr. Zhang, isn't my Coco always your favorite? Why are you so unhappy today?" 　　The young woman gestured for the bartender to go behind the curtain and check on Coco, while she tried to appease the middle-aged man with a professional smile 　　. 　　"Hmph, I've asked her three times already, and today she's telling me she's tired. I clearly paid for this, 　　why shouldn't I get to fuck a transvestite!" 　　"Yes, yes, you're right, Coco is sometimes too headstrong. I apologize on her behalf." Hearing the middle- 　　aged man's constant insults about transvestites and assholes, a hint of anger flashed across the young woman's face, but she still 　　smiled apologetically and made way for the man to leave. 　　"Joey is so considerate. Next time I come, I'll fuck your cunt, hahaha." Faced with the young woman's professional 　　reassurance, the middle-aged man, whose face seemed to have been scratched a few times, calmed down slightly and headed towards the bar's door. 　　Just then, the young bartender who had gone to check on Coco suddenly rushed out from behind the curtain, angrily 　　shouting, "Sister Qiao, don't let him leave! He did everything but didn't pay!" 　　Hearing the bartender's shout, Qiao Yi and Xiao Jing's expressions changed drastically. The middle-aged man immediately abandoned his earlier arrogance 　　and, taking advantage of everyone being behind him, quickly walked towards the bar's entrance. 　　"They're clearly a bunch of transvestites, frankly, not even human. So what if they're freeloading? Playing with you is doing you a favor 　　. If you piss me off, I'll call the police!" 　　The cursing middle-aged man was about to reach the door when he suddenly noticed another man blocking his way.

I stood before him. The man, though still somewhat confused, was seething with resentment from the past few days
, and he especially disliked this fat, arrogant middle-aged man.
That man was me.
"I only know that no one, regardless of status, should be bullied by a bastard like you, you son of a bitch!" Before
the middle-aged man could react, I slapped him across the face, sending him staggering.
"You little punk, you dare hit me…" The middle-aged man clutched his face, his expression
shifting from arrogance to utter fear.
"That's what I'm doing! Why do you look down on working people! They earn their living through labor too, do you think you
're so great just because you have a little money?!" Before the middle-aged man could regain his footing, I slapped him again, this time squarely across
his other cheek.
"Alright, good man... stop hitting me... stop hitting me..." The middle-aged man completely cowered this
time, kneeling down in front of my fierce face, his earlier arrogance completely gone.
"Hmph! Just remember that!" I finally vented my anger, glancing at the astonished Joey
, Xiaojing, and the bartender as I casually put on my coat. Years of being suppressed by reality had almost made me
forget what it meant to be a man of honor, but this belated outburst filled me with a surge of pride.
"My name is Ma Le, remember my name next time you come." Seeing that things had calmed down, I emboldened by the alcohol,
showing off to everyone behind me.
But what I didn't expect was that just as I turned to leave gracefully, the middle-aged
man, who had already backed down, suddenly grabbed a bottle and, taking advantage of my momentary lapse in attention, smashed it over my head. With a crash
, the bottle shattered. The middle-aged man seized the opportunity to shove me aside and flee. I felt a surge of heat
rush to my head, and my already weak body swayed violently.
"Hahaha, looks like even pretending to be strong is so hard... I'm really... a complete failure..." Before passing out
, I vaguely remembered laughing at myself. In my hazy state, Xiaojing and the young woman Joey seemed to
be running towards me.
I slept soundly without dreams; the combined effects of the alcohol and my injury brought a rare deep sleep.
I didn't open my eyes until it was fully light, finding myself lying in an unfamiliar room. The room was small, only big enough for
a bed and a dressing table. Looking around, it was clear this was a bedroom, and
judging from the warm-colored sheets and the various cosmetics on the dressing table, it was a woman's bedroom.
"You're awake~" Just as I was staring blankly at my reflection in the mirror, my head covered in bandages, the bedroom door opened
, and Xiaojing, a waitress from Sisters Bar, entered. Her eyes clearly
showed concern.
"Looks like I passed out here last night... I'm sorry..." Realizing I should have been
taken care of by the bar staff all night, and thinking about my drunken antics the night before, I apologized profusely to Xiaojing.
"It's alright. After you took that, Mr. Zhang probably won't dare call the police and cause trouble for our place anymore. So
we should thank you; at least you protected us in another way."
Only now did I truly observe this adorable young girl before me. Xiaojing
was wearing a loose pink sweater, her long, flowing hair cascading over her shoulders, her round face framed by
bright eyes, and her small nose and mouth accentuated her cuteness. Xiaojing is of average height and well-proportioned build.
Her thighs and hips, encased in jeans, outline a healthy curve, and she exudes youthful
energy outside of work hours.
"You're such a weirdo, sleeping here twice in a row, each time for longer than the last, and now…
you're even sleeping in my bed!" Although we'd only known each other for two days, after last night's commotion, Xiaojing
didn't seem to dislike me. She sat on a round stool by the bed, smiling broadly at me.
"I… I'm still a little embarrassed, after all, I've caused you trouble, sleeping here." It had been
years since I'd been so close to such a cute girl, except for Lingling, and I immediately felt awkward
. I must admit, while Xiaojing wasn't as beautiful as a big star, her appearance was undeniably adorable, and her sweet
temperament and youthful energy were infectious.
"We're the ones who should apologize... You got a head injury last night, and we should have taken you to the hospital. But
we're always reluctant to show our faces in public, so Sister Qiao and I decided to treat you here first." Xiao Jing
said, checking the bandage on my head. Seeing the bleeding had stopped, a look of relief appeared on her face.
Hearing Xiao Jing's apology, I fell silent. Her words clearly implied that the women in the bar
likely sold both alcohol and sex, which was why they didn't want to show their faces, fearing arrest.
Suddenly, I paused, remembering some of the middle-aged man's words from last night. Even though out of
politeness, I didn't want to delve too deeply into Xiao Jing and the others' professions, there was one thing I had to ask.
"Xiao...Xiao Jing, forgive my intrusion... but was that Miss Coco......that...that...
transgender person?" Trying to keep my tone calm, I cautiously began.
"...Sir...do you think we're scary because of this?" After I asked the question, Xiaojing was clearly
taken aback for a moment, pursing her thin lips and thinking for a while before subtly confirming my guess with a rhetorical question
.
"No...I'm not the kind of person who's superficial..." Seeing Xiaojing's conflicted expression, I couldn't
bear to ask any more questions. But although my words sounded nice, I had to admit that I was having an internal struggle
.
Before I could finish speaking, the bedroom door was pushed open again, and this time it was
the young woman, Joey, who was called Sister Joe, who walked in. She first bent down and carefully examined the bandage on my head, which was no longer bleeding, then straightened
her back and said to me, "Let me answer you for Xiaojing. This bar is called Sisters Bar, which refers
to me, Coco, and Xiaojing. We are not related by blood but are like sisters. Of course, there are no transgender people here;
that word is an insult to them. Coco and Xiaojing are transgender people; Coco is a TS, and Xiaojing is a girl..."
"Still in the CD stage. As for what TS and CD are, you can look it up on your phone."
During the day, Joey had a more assertive, boss-like demeanor, less of the obsequiousness she displayed when entertaining customers. Judging from her
tone, the courage she showed last night, and the fact that she was about my age, Joey must be the big boss of this bar
, and the backbone of Coco, Xiaojing, and the others. However, the fact that she was so frank with me
was somewhat reassuring, perhaps because of my righteous help last night.
Strangely enough,
I, who have never had a penchant for prostitution, or even dared to have any improper thoughts about seeking pleasure, had inadvertently read about TS and CD a few months ago while browsing Zhihu. In short, TS
refers to transgender people who have started to have surgery on their faces, including plastic surgery, cosmetic surgery, breast augmentation, and buttock augmentation. CD, on the other hand, refers to
naturally beautiful women who only use makeup to portray women.
"I...I know what TS and CD are..." Although I'd
heard a rough outline from the middle-aged man last night, hearing Joey admit it on the spot still shocked me so much my jaw almost dropped.
In my mind, ladyboys were either like those heavily made-up dancers on TV,
or incredibly ugly like those perverted old men. And according to most people's thinking, shouldn't ladyboys be in
Thailand? I never expected to encounter several in my own life.
What I found even more unbelievable was that the mature, elegant, cute, and clever Xiao
Jing, radiating youthful energy like a young girl, and Coco, the graceful woman in black last night, were both originally men. When I
turned to Xiao Jing with a questioning look, I noticed a hint of embarrassment on her face. It seemed that being recognized as a man by strangers
still meant trouble for them.
"Sir, please don't take offense at my bluntness. While I appreciate your help last night, our
group is rather shady, and it's best for unrelated people to stay away from us. I'm telling you this in
the hopes that you'll back off. I have some money here; it should be enough for your medical treatment. If you want to drink in the future, you can
come here, but we should still keep our distance." Joey said, pulling out what appeared to be twenty hundred
-yuan bills.
"No, no... Regardless of how I view you, I didn't do what I did last night for this little bit of money."
Ever since breaking up with Lingling, I especially dislike being given handouts, so I immediately refused Joey's offer.
"Sister Joey..." As I waved away the RMB Joey offered, I vaguely heard Xiaojing
calling out to Joey in a slightly reproachful tone. Perhaps compared to her, Xiaojing was still a naive child, while Joey,
as the owner of this place, had already matured from seeing many storms.
"I feel almost better, so maybe I shouldn't bother you any longer..." Regardless, my reason
told me Joey was right. We were complete strangers, and the other party was involved in prostitution with several shockingly transgender
people. It was best for a penniless, clueless guy like me to stay out of this mess.
But to my surprise, when I tried to get up, Joey suddenly softened her expression
and gently pressed my shoulder, preventing me from easily standing up. I looked up at Joey
's alluring almond-shaped eyes, somewhat confused, and then heard her explanation.
"I hope you don't mind, sir. We don't want to get too involved with you; it's just to protect you and ourselves
. But we're not heartless. It's already eleven o'clock, so please have lunch before you leave."
"Yes, we usually only open at five in the afternoon, and we don't have much to do during the day
. Let's have lunch together." Hearing Joey suddenly invite me to stay for lunch, Xiaojing seemed overjoyed.
"Actually, it's not just me who wants to invite you. The person who really wants to treat you to dinner is Coco. You know, you essentially
helped her get revenge last night. She served Mr. Zhang diligently last night, but he still tried to freeload." Seeing my expression
soften, Joey immediately demonstrated her insightful nature, continuing to persuade
me to stay in a gentle, sisterly tone.
Faced with Joey and Xiaojing's invitation, I suddenly realized that I hadn't had a proper meal in several days. Going back
to before my breakup with Lingling, the last month was basically spent in a cold war and arguments. Since no one cooked,
the food was naturally very casual, and it had been a long time since I could sit down and have a relaxed meal with someone close to me
.
"Then I'll trouble you." The desire to escape loneliness quickly overcame the traditional Chinese politeness.
Even if they were a group of people often considered heretics or perverts, I didn't want to look
at them with prejudice. After all, I'm just a lump of mud myself, so what right do I have to look down on others?
"Then I'll go help, hehe." Hearing that I could stay for dinner, Xiaojing immediately beamed and
skipped out of the bedroom.
"This child, besides having the politeness of a waitress, probably lacks real friends. Sigh…
In our country, our kind of status is destined to be a disaster, poor Xiaojing." As I got dressed and got out of
bed, Joey murmured to me, clearly showing how much she loved Xiaojing, like a younger sister
.
Stepping out of the bedroom, I could finally see the whole place. It was essentially a large shophouse-style residence.
Outside the curtain was a simple bar, and inside was a corridor and three small bedrooms. The bathroom and kitchen were located
in the bar outside the curtain. As for where everyone could gather for dinner, they could only
sit at the only large table outside the bar.
After washing up, I went to the table. A hot pot was cooking on an induction cooker, filled with various condiments
. Several plates of frozen beef and mutton, along with vegetables, potatoes, wide rice noodles, and sesame flatbread bought from the market, were placed on the table.
Around the table, besides Xiao Jing in a loose sweater and Joey in a dark red thick cotton coat, were
the bartender and Coco.
"My name is Xiao Yunshan, you can call me Shanzi." Seeing me approach,
the bartender, who looked to be in his early twenties and much more handsome than me, immediately extended his right hand in a friendly manner. It seemed that as the only male there, he
was quite friendly towards other men.
"My name is Ma Le, and my unflattering nickname is 'Ma Le Gobi,' haha." As I jokingly remarked on my school days...
After the number was called, Xiaojing immediately burst out laughing, and Qiaoyi and Shanzi couldn't help but smile as well. However, Coco remained
expressionless, seemingly lost in thought.
"Thanks for yesterday." There was no smile or handshake. If Qiaoyi hadn't mentioned that the invitation to this meal actually came
from Coco, I would have thought she was seeing me off.
"It's nothing, don't mind me. I just don't like seeing people bully others." Thinking of Coco's aloof demeanor during her performance last night,
I immediately felt relieved. This Coco also only wore cool-toned clothes during the day, her hair disheveled to the point of being
somewhat unkempt, quite similar to those non-mainstream people. These people probably generally have awkward personalities
.
"This meal is on me today. Regardless of whether we have a chance in the future, I hope to be a grateful
person." Still wary, Coco at least said a couple of words of thanks, and then, ignoring my reaction,
sat down on her own.
'Maybe all artists are a little neurotic.' At the time, I temporarily used this reasonable excuse to comfort
myself. Since I was already there, I decided to make the best of it and took a seat to eat.
After sitting in the empty seat provided for me, everyone started eating hot pot. At the beginning of the meal, Shanzi
praised my act of bravery from the previous day. Taking advantage of the meal, I observed the four people present.
Among them, Joey, as the boss, held a higher position than Xiaojing, Coco, and Shanzi. With
her hair styled like a noblewoman, she had almond-shaped eyes, a high nose bridge, fair skin, and a prominent beauty mark under her eye
. Her speech blended the gentleness of a young woman with the imposing authority of a boss, making her the leader of the group.
Shanzi was a young and cheerful man, tall and fond of joking. As the only male, he
easily acted as a mediator among them. However, what was intriguing was that Shanzi and Joey seemed to have a particularly close relationship
, and their gazes towards each other were somewhat ambiguous. I wondered if their relationship, besides work, might
have developed into something more.
Coco, as the small business owner and singer here, is practically an ethereal fairy, or perhaps a witch
would be more fitting. Her eyes are large and bright, but a hint of fierceness always lingers between her brows. Her lips
are actually full and sensual, and her skin is as fair and delicate as a Westerner's. She rarely speaks during the meal, seemingly
preoccupied, yet her eyes are rather vacant.
As for Xiao Jing, she's the typical junior among the four; she refers to Joey, Shanzi, and Coco as Sister Joe,
Brother Shanzi, and Sister Coco, respectively. Xiao Jing's skin is tanned but has a good texture, showing signs of youth.
She's the most talkative during the meal, initiating most of the topics related to me.
"Mr. Ma, why are you drinking alone?"
"Because no one can drink with me..."
"Then why are you crying in your sleep?"
"Because I just broke up... and I'm completely heartbroken."
"Oh dear... I'm sorry, I might have asked something I shouldn't have." "
It's alright, breakups and makeups aren't just my thing, there's nothing I can't talk about."
"So... I'd really like to know, why couldn't you continue your relationship with your ex-girlfriend?"
"Because... letting go is also a form of fulfillment..."
After I unintentionally uttered a slogan of great love, everyone present looked curious. Even
Coco, who had been eating with her head down, suddenly asked, "Tell us about your experience. The people here
don't seem to have anything to do with your current life, so you can speak freely, right?" Coco
was right. Although I don't like being pitied, always hiding my sadness isn't
a good solution. Besides, I'm more likely to confide in people I know than to confide in them in real life, but I can finally let it all out here.
So I started by briefly introducing my divorced parents and impoverished background, then began to talk about
the conflicts between Lingling and me in recent years, and the painful lessons I learned from investing in the stock market. Finally, when I mentioned that Lingling should have found someone by now , and I sincerely wished her well, I noticed a 　　fleeting, strange
expression on Xiaojing and Coco's faces . 　　"Actually, Mr. Ma's biggest frustration is probably his dissatisfaction with life," the mature Joey 　　said incisively after I finished speaking. 　　"Sister Joey is right. All these years of hard work have only resulted in this; it's really hard for me to accept. For 　　example, I rarely go to bars like this to save money. I haven't dared to take vacations or travel for years because I 　　really want to save up for a down payment on a house, sigh..." This simple conversation stirred up my inner self-reproach again, and I couldn't help but 　　sigh deeply. 　　"Actually, I understand Mr. Ma's feelings. Just like us, none of us chose to become who we are now. 　　We can be grateful, good at business, and even talented, but the deviation in our orientation or the pressure of reality forces us to 　　live a dark life under the cover of night." Although I don't know the details of these prostitutes or transgender people 　　's lives, I can guess that their lives must be more difficult than ordinary people's, so 　　I can sympathize with Joey's sigh at this moment. 　　"But if you ask me, Mr. Ma, don't be discouraged. After all, you still have a job, and you're still in your prime." 　　Seeing the slightly somber atmosphere, Shanzi quickly spoke up to smooth things over. 　　"You're right, it's just starting over again, hahaha. Everyone has their own troubles. It's a pity 　　I'm not rolling in money, otherwise I could order more expensive drinks every time I come to support the business." 　　"Mr. Ma is joking. We won't forget your generosity yesterday. Next time you come to our little shop for drinks, I 　　'll give you a 20% discount." In Joey's cheerful voice, we raised our glasses together, and the atmosphere of lunch 　　gradually improved as we enjoyed the drinks. 　　For the rest of the time, the conversation mostly revolved around me, but I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and 　　offending these mysterious transgender people with sensitive questions. So I only briefly inquired about Joey and the others' 　　hardships and didn't ask any more questions about their lives. 　　Even so, I still learned from their conversation that the bar was doing poorly, but everyone 　　needed a place to stay. Joey didn't shy away from the fact that they were involved in prostitution, but in her view, they 　　were only doing it to earn more money.

This meal had a profound impact on me. I discovered that these women, who were still engaged in prostitution
or were transgender, had the same values and worries as ordinary people. I didn't feel
any barrier to communicating with them as an ordinary person; on the contrary, I found them to be quite warm and hospitable
, even more genuine and kind-hearted than most.
Even after learning about Coco and Xiaojing's gender identities, although I didn't immediately consider them
women, looking at Xiaojing and Coco, each with their own distinct style—some cute, some charming—it was impossible to associate them
with men. For the first time in my life, I experienced the unique feeling of interacting with women of the third sex.
These three women, more delicate than men but more carefree than women, were actually more approachable and easier to get along with than most girls.
"Thank you all for your hospitality. Until we meet
again," I waved goodbye to Joey and the others as I left. After a simple yet warm lunch, these people
had become like true friends in my mind.
"Take care, Mr. Ma. Come for drinks sometime." As she saw me off, I could see that Joey's smile
contained not only professionalism but also a hint of mutual sympathy, a feeling of shared misfortune.
"Thank you for protecting me last night." Even Coco, who hadn't spoken much, stood up to thank me
. It seemed that her cold exterior might have a sensitive heart.
"Remember to come often. This is my WeChat ID. You can contact me before you come, and I can let
you know in advance when Coco is performing." Seeing that I was already putting on my coat, Xiaojing quickly took out her phone and opened
WeChat. Interestingly, Xiaojing seemed to want to talk to me more than Joey and Coco.
Perhaps it was because, as Joey said, Xiaojing was indeed very lonely.
"Thank you for thinking so highly of me. It's been a long time since I've had a proper meal like this."
After exchanging WeChat contacts with Xiaojing, I ended my stay at the girls' bar, which lasted all night and half a day.
However, I didn't realize at the time that from that day on, my fate would be inextricably linked with these three people
. I had only just begun to experience the kindness and loyalty of these transgender people
, unaware that their temperament, personality, and even their lives were as complex as their gender. It wasn't
until much later that Xiaojing told me that after that day, Joey, Coco, and Xiaojing had a very high
opinion of me, not only because of my righteous help, but also because during that somewhat probing lunch, I had
restrained my curiosity and refrained from asking any potentially inappropriate questions. I preserved their self-respect
without considering myself "normal" or looking down on prostitution or the transgender community. A man like me,
perhaps neither handsome nor rich, became a model of a good man in their unconventional value system.

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