Still hovering between boy and man

Since moving to this neighborhood in 2001, I've left behind the communal living. Skinny, Scholar, and S, how are you all doing? Aside from occasionally seeing each other during class, we can no longer live in the dorm together. I really miss those brothers. But I have more free time now; I can work out, go online, and even enjoy some fun with friends (alas, nothing!). Feeling depressed, I often exercise in the neighborhood, running…
The worst part is, I've slowly developed a masturbation habit, sometimes masturbating six or seven times a day… Luckily, not often. Because doing it too often is bad for your health. When my penis is engorged, I usually rinse it with water, and sometimes I continue running.
I'm in good physical condition; I often play soccer and have loved fitness since I was little. Because of my good health, I often produce a lot of semen, probably because exercise makes my body more vigorous. I usually like to take off my clothes and admire my penis. I like watching it grow from a small size; it's very exciting.
I first look at my body in the mirror; I have a pretty good figure. Smooth skin and well-defined muscles. (There are photos of me.) Then I'd sit in front of the computer, select a few cartoon photos from my files, sometimes even some erotic ones. When I'm bored, I'd indulge in a very rich fantasy… imagining myself kissing a girl… imagination is powerful, you know. I'd gently kiss her lips, lightly sucking; then I'd kiss her face, using my breath and lips to kiss her earlobe; she'd definitely feel good, and then I'd kiss her neck… gently tracing her neck with my tongue… while I gently remove her outer clothing, still kissing her.
I think I should replace her with you now…
you should only be wearing your underwear. I'd gently caress your breasts through your underwear, kiss your neck, and stroke your inner thighs. I'd rub my smooth skin against yours repeatedly. Imagine, at that moment, your body temperature would be high, and your heart would race.
We held each other tightly, continuing our passionate kisses and rubbing our bodies together. My whole body was warm, and you were still wearing your underwear… I wanted to gently caress your breasts with my warm hands, my engorged penis gently pressing against your panties; passionate kisses… I could gently untie your bra, but not take it off, instead stroking and kissing around your breasts and cleavage. “Oh…oh…so good…” I started breathing rapidly. I took off your bra, revealing your breasts. I rubbed my chest against your breasts, then sucked on your nipples with my saliva; your nipples must have been very firm. I kissed, sucked, swirled, and rubbed your nipples with my tongue… my attention shifted from my penis.
I'll continue caressing your body, kissing you, warming you...
Now I'll start kissing your lower abdomen... Continue caressing your breasts, thighs, our skin pressed tightly together, still rubbing against each other... Continue kissing your lips, earlobes, behind your ears, neck, breasts, lower abdomen, waist... Now I'm approaching your vulva. I gently remove your panties, and we're completely undressed... At this point, you should take the initiative, baby. Spread your legs into a V-shape, preferably with your legs arched back, exposing your entire vulva to me. I'll look at it like a work of art. There's nothing to be shy about; knowing that your initiative at this moment will give me greater motivation and engagement.
Baby, I want to praise your body, praise your beauty...
Now I can continue, continuing to kiss your perineum, labia, and vaginal opening. Your perineum is very sensitive, isn't it? I'll gently lick this area with my wet tongue. (Information suggests: When I kiss your inner thighs, you'll feel a tingling or numb sensation from top to bottom around the vaginal opening; when I kiss your perineum, you'll feel a comfortable, expanding sensation from bottom to top).
I then licked upwards from your perineum to your lovely labia. At this point, I believed you would be overflowing with moisture; I loved your vaginal fluid, and I wanted to suck and kiss it… (it was freshly secreted, so it wouldn't be dirty)… I would use my tongue to pry open your labia majora, take one labia in my mouth, and sweep it around in my mouth, sucking and kissing both sides of the labia, stirring it with my tongue… then I would switch to the other labia… Finally, I would turn my body slightly to the side, my lips parallel to your labia, and gently take both labia into my mouth simultaneously, sucking them together, using my tongue to insert and withdraw, even sweeping, between the labia. I wanted to make you feel incredibly good… I wanted your sexual arousal to build up repeatedly; I would stimulate you multiple times… I would gently bite your labia and then quickly block your vaginal opening with my lips, making you feel a warm and comfortable sensation. Then, I would gently separate your labia with my thumb, exposing your vaginal opening, and circle my tongue around it, sometimes lightly, sometimes heavily, sometimes pressing my entire lip against it.
At this point, your clitoris begins to swell and become exposed. I will pause briefly, not kissing the vaginal opening, but instead gently teasing your clitoris a few times with the tip of my wet tongue, arousing your sensation from within. Then I will return to kissing your vaginal opening and labia… I will continue to gently lick upwards from your perineum towards your clitoris, my tongue moving left and right as it reaches the vaginal opening, parting the labia while continuing to lick upwards, gradually approaching the clitoris.
After repeating this several times, I will gently sweep and lightly touch your clitoris with the tip of my tongue (my tongue should be moistened with saliva). Now I can concentrate on taking your lovely "pearl." I move my tongue up to your clitoris and focus. My tongue is very wet; I will use the tip of my tongue, gently… my tongue will be so moist.
I will lightly touch the tip of your clitoris with the tip of my tongue; I will move your clitoris left and right with my tongue; I will occasionally press your clitoris with my tongue; and when I hold your clitoris in my mouth, I will stir it around with my tongue.
When I feel I can give you an orgasm, I'll take your clitoris into my mouth, pressing my upper lip against the base of your pubic hair above the clitoris, and parting your labia with my lower lip, trying to get as close to the vaginal opening as possible.
I'll then hold your clitoris in my mouth, making you feel like it's floating. While licking your clitoris, I'll also scratch your pubic hair with my hands; you'll feel great, baby. I'll gently insert my fingers into your vagina and stir them; I'll reach up and caress your breasts… The magic of my fantasy has finally worn off, and in reality, I feel a bit helpless. The pressure of studying is still there, and I'm not a promiscuous person. I will never solicit prostitutes. I sympathize with those girls, but I dislike their already tainted bodies and souls… Should I find a girlfriend? Maybe, maybe not, I don't know… Maybe it'll be you… The friends I want to meet here aren't the filthy types in society. Sex isn't just a game; that would lose its essence.
I like pure girls (adult women are fine too). They don't have to be super pretty, but they shouldn't be too ugly either. Of course, the body must be as healthy as mine.
I've shed my former indecisiveness and like who I am now.
I am Simple Love.
Standing by the window, I find myself unable to define myself anymore; perhaps I've lost myself? I chuckle to myself.
Since the 1999 college entrance exam, I've experienced too much hardship and sorrow. Sometimes, perhaps I've strayed from my original intentions?
Regarding love—my love seemed destined to die before it even appeared. The beautiful love stories I once fantasized about never played out in my life. The girl I secretly loved for 1644 days never knew my feelings for her; she just smiled and disappeared from my memory forever.
Perhaps I'm just a passerby, suited to temporarily accompany lonely people, after which separation is inevitable. It seems that fleeting happiness is what I seek? I don't know, and I don't want to know anymore. I'm
healthy, I'm happy, I'm quite handsome, and I don't want my youth to just be spent growing old alone in books.
Late at night, I couldn't sleep. I asked myself, "Are you a gentleman?" The answer was, "No! But that doesn't mean I'm a villain. I hate pretentious affectation, I hate people who live behind masks, I hate hypocrisy. Just be yourself. I have ideals, I have goals, but I'm not pedantic, I'm not hypocritical..." Exercise, study, make friends, enrich my life... Actually, I'm happy.
In my youthful days, I may still occasionally feel lonely and empty. I need to relax and comfort myself; I still drift between being a boy and a man.
I love simply.
Come on, baby…
[The End]

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