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Midnight Express 

Late at night, I opened the window, secretly lit a cigarette, and after exhaling two puffs of white smoke, the air purifier
immediately flashed its red light. I don't know why I smiled, but I just smiled,
looking at the machine, then at the cigarette in my hand. The cat, who hates the smell of smoke, turned its back on me and walked away.
I, who can't finish a cigarette in one go, still like to pretend to exhale smoke, because it brings me closer to you and reminds me
of how you smoke: you habitually hold the cigarette with your slender thumb and forefinger, like a carefree guy, taking
a deep drag and then exhaling a smoke ring.
You like to play the game of blowing smoke rings; the more perfect the smoke ring, the happier you laugh, like one
donut after another flying in the air, which you playfully poke with your fingers. Sometimes you also play with a lighter, your nimble
fingers flipping the flint switch, turning it once and then igniting it, the flame flickering and going out again, like
a restless soul, drifting and flickering. Finally, my gaze will linger on your
fingers as you hold the cigarette; your fingers are my magician.
Tonight, I'm overflowing with restlessness and excitement—it's time to go! I stub out the cigarette,
wrap it to avoid my family discovering I'm sneaking a smoke; I close the window, let the air purifier run, pick up
my purse, put my finger to my lips, make a "shh" gesture to the cat, and wave goodbye: "
Bye-bye, be good, okay?" I think to myself.
I close the bedroom door and cautiously and nervously go downstairs. My parents are already asleep,
but there's still light coming through my younger brother's door—he's still awake! I considered telling him I was running away from home in the middle of the night,
but then I thought better of it; telling him might only add to his burden.
I tiptoe past their room, down each step of the stairs, then
slowly open the front door, slip out, and lock it. "Click!" I never knew a door could close
like that; my heart pounded. On a winter night, the temperature dropped to the teens, and a cold wind
blew , but I didn't feel cold at all. I walked quickly to the alley entrance, and in the distance, I heard a few dogs barking, as if
they were announcing, "Woof woof woof! Someone's daughter has run away from home!" I pretended the dogs
weren't talking about me. I
hurriedly hailed a taxi to the back station, and just then, I saw the midnight express train was about to leave.
I ran over and managed to be the last passenger to board. I wanted to rush to you! Nothing could
stop me anymore; I just wanted to see you, tonight.
The car entered the highway, and my heart was still pounding. I took off my coat and red scarf. The
warm car and the high body temperature were like my love and desire for you. Are you still in the research lab working on your thesis
for the past month or so? You've been sleeping almost every two days, and you always tell me when I wake up, "
I didn't sleep all night. I waited until you woke up and talked to you before I went to sleep."
My heart aches for you! You're working so hard for your studies. But you always just smirk, unconcerned: "
Talking to you makes all the fatigue of the night disappear!"
My mornings and your bedtimes are intertwined with an indescribable passion. I hug my blanket, as if I'm in your
arms: "I dreamt about you last night, dreamt that you hugged me, wanted me."
"I love you, I want you, I've always wanted you," you say without reservation. My ears feel like they're being electrified,
triggering desire throughout my body. Sometimes a tingling sensation suddenly arises: "I miss you so much..." I whisper
.
"When can I see you again! When!" Your low,
dissatisfied tone strikes my heart heavily.
"..." I remain silent. I long to see you as much as I do, but living at home, I rarely have
the chance to stay out overnight. It's so difficult...
I leaned my head against the car window, the outside was pitch black, and the scattered streetlights flashed by like shooting stars
. I thought of you, who loved astronomy and loved to name the stars. Every distant star is now the
closest witness. Every time I looked up, I remembered your handsome and confident gestures: "That's Sirius, that's
Uranus: the constellation the male lead drew on the female lead's arm in 'American Romance,' can you see it?"
I nodded, your left arm wrapped around me, explaining in my right ear, and then kissing
the back of my ear and my neck again and again. You always aroused my desire, and I turned my head to ask for more kisses. Our lips met, your tongue
explored in my mouth, then pulled away slightly, and then kissed me deeply, kissing me until I couldn't breathe. I pressed myself against you,
responding completely, accompanied by uncontrollable moans. "You tell me, aren't you very lewd?" "Yes,
I'm only lewd towards you..."
You reached your hand into my chest, kneading my breasts. "So soft, so full... You're my
woman." I straightened up, letting you hold more. Your fingers teased my nipples, those
tiny pink pearls, like they were waiting to be picked up. You lowered your head and took them into your mouth, licking them with your tongue.
I took a deep breath. There weren't many passengers on the midnight express. I looked around; including myself, there were only about
six or seven passengers. Most of them had reclined their seats and were asleep. Apart from the engine noise, there was only
the sound of my pounding heart.
I took out my phone from my purse and dialed your number.
"Why aren't you asleep yet?" You were indeed still working on your thesis, immediately asking why
I wasn't asleep .
"I miss you so much." There was no other explanation for my current behavior than longing and love.
"Me too..." You seemed to hear the unusual sound of a car approaching and immediately asked, "
Where are you?"
"I'm in the car."
"Ah...where are you going?"
"To find you!!" I said firmly.
"You silly girl, running out in the middle of the night..." Although your tone was stern, I could hear
your excitement.
"I miss you so much, I want to see you so much!" I shouted my heart out to the dark window.
My family is very strict with me, with curfews and my parents paying close attention to my friendships.
I know how serious the consequences would be if they found out I was out in the middle of the night, but
if I don't see them, I'll never have a chance.
"They won't find out. Mom and Dad are used to getting up early to go hiking. When they get home, I'll pretend I
went to school early, like I didn't see them... Otherwise, I won't see you!"
"You..." You seemed to be heartbroken and couldn't speak for a moment. I imagined you stopping typing,
staring at the computer screen, worried and reluctant.
"You don't want to see me because you're afraid I'll disturb your thesis writing?" I asked cautiously.
"No, of course I want to see you! It's just that I'm worried you'll be found out if you leave home, and besides, you can't stay..."
" You need to get back to Taipei right away, right?"
"I'll take the earliest flight back to Taipei. It'll be worth it just to see you."
"Sigh...you little devil, you're making me so anxious and uneasy..."
I thought so too, which is why I didn't dare call too soon to tell you I was coming to see you. But how
could I keep this good news to myself? This was the first time I'd secretly run away from home, like eloping, just to fulfill my love.
"I'm sorry...I want to see you..."
"I want to see you too. Don't apologize. If it were me, I don't know how many times I would have run away from home
."
I laughed, my tense nerves relaxing a lot.
"Get some sleep, call me when it's almost time, I'll come pick you up."
"Okay..."
"I love you."
"Me too."

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