Desire and Passion

Introduction
: My definition of a lover is: a person with feelings, a person with feelings for the opposite sex, and a person with feelings for and sexual relations with the opposite sex.
The reason I wrote "Love and Hate in the Sea of Desire" is because I once loved, was infatuated with, was crazy about, and was intoxicated by her, who was once my so-called lover; it was also because of her that I was heartbroken, suffered, felt helpless, and regretful.
Her ruthlessness made me realize the tragedy of emotions, her actions made me realize the coldness of love, her promiscuity made me realize the paleness of sex, and her clumsy maneuvering among several men made me realize the ridiculousness and sorrow of being sentimental.
When I awoke from my dream, the reality of life taught me a lesson: you only see the bright sunshine, but you don't know the darkness behind it.
Writing "Love and Hate in the Sea of Desire" will make me intoxicated by the waves of extramarital affairs, but even more so by the piercing, heart-wrenching pain. "Love and Hate in the Sea of Desire" will remind me of many things—
Chapter One: First Encounter
This is a small city, but clean and tidy, without the hustle and bustle of big cities.
At that time, I was twenty-four years old. One day, I was visiting a friend's house. This friend was a couple who had recently gotten married. We met through a special means. The man was handsome and dashing, and the woman was pretty and sweet; they were truly a perfect couple. They lived with the man's parents, and there were two unmarried sisters in the family. The elder sister was about my age, and the younger sister was about two or three years younger than me. The younger sister was very charming, with big, bright eyes, a lively spirit, and a graceful demeanor. Her lively personality was very attractive. To be honest, my desire to get to know this family and maintain contact with them was partly due to her charm.
It was a Sunday. When I arrived at my friend's house, the man wasn't home, and his two sisters had gone out. As a grown man, I felt awkward chatting with a woman alone for a long time, so I went to her mother-in-law's room. I usually called them Uncle and Aunt. The uncle was a bureau chief, but he had no airs of authority and was very approachable. The aunt was very talkative, and although time had taken its toll, her youthful beauty was still evident. My aunt would sometimes ask me about trivial things, like she would ask her a child, making me, a traveler far from home, feel the warmth of family. Although their family was quite well-off, they lived in a large courtyard-style bungalow at that time. My uncle, aunt, and two daughters lived in the front yard, while their son and daughter-in-law lived in the back.
I've completely forgotten the content of our conversation, but while we were talking, a girl skipped past the window and went into the back room. Although it was only for a few seconds, I could see she was a pretty girl and sensed her liveliness and mischievousness.
My aunt told me that she was her daughter-in-law's younger sister, currently attending the Second Middle School. The Second Middle School didn't have a high school section, so I learned she was still a student.
Before leaving, I went to the back room.
"Sister, I'm leaving now, you go ahead with your work—" She was washing clothes, and her younger sister was standing beside her. As I spoke, she turned to look at me.
Her hair, no longer than shoulder-length, was tied in two neat knots on either side. Her face was fair and delicate, pure and sweet, her beautiful phoenix eyes darting back and forth. She held a ribbon (or perhaps a hair tie) to her lips, her lips slightly moist, giving her an innocent and playful air. She was about 1.65 meters tall, dressed in elegant dark colors—
perhaps she noticed me looking at her younger sister.
"This is my younger sister, her name is Chun" (her name literally means pure and innocent, so I'll just call her "Chun" for now).
"Oh," I said
, "this is your brother Wang."
"Oh," she said
, "Sit a little longer, I'll be done washing up soon."
"No, I have to go to
work." "Okay then, come again next time."
They saw me to the gate. The streets were quiet with few cars and pedestrians. I rode my bicycle back to work.
I
'm a country boy, my home is far, far away from this city, my family has worked in the fields for generations. Leaving the countryside and integrating into the city has been my aspiration. After graduating from university, I was assigned to my current workplace.
Our company is a relatively large enterprise in this city with a good reputation. Many people aspire to work here, which makes me feel satisfied and somewhat proud. However, due to the special nature of the company, its only drawback at the time was that the employees were almost entirely male. Being in such an environment, especially for someone of marriageable age with no relatives or friends, the sense of oppression was unimaginable. I was constantly searching for and hoping for the appearance of my other half. As for the
friend's "second sister" I mentioned before, I also had a few fleeting feelings for her deep down, but my pride, inferiority complex, and sense of propriety prevented me from making any moves. During the time I visited her home, we ate together, laughed, and joked around, and I seemed to sense her affection for me. Later, when I learned that she had started dating a classmate who had been admitted to a university in Beijing (and later, that classmate stayed in Beijing but didn't marry her), I gradually visited her home less often, and even when I did, the time spent there was shorter. I can't quite explain why.
Time slipped by slowly. Winter went, spring went, and early summer arrived. On a bright, sunny day, I was strolling aimlessly along the roadside in front of my workplace when a familiar figure appeared in the distance. She was wearing a pretty floral dress and floated towards me like a butterfly. Whether out of shyness or youthful arrogance, I didn't dare look directly at her. Closer, closer, she stopped in front of me—
"Brother Wang!" So sweet, so gentle, so kind, she smiled, her expression tinged with a hint of shyness.
"You!" Oh! It's her! It's Chun .
"Where are you going?" I asked, looking at her.
"I'm going to my sister's house," she pointed ahead, "over there, the dormitory of a certain company, we just moved there recently—"
"Oh—." Come to think of it, it had been a while since I'd been to Chun's sister's house. Her sister had moved, and I hadn't even known.
"Brother Wang, I'm leaving." As she spoke, she walked forward, and after a few steps, she glanced back, waved to me, and made a playful expression.
A gentle breeze brushed against my heart, faint and subtle, but Chun's voice, her expression, her actions lingered, lingered; it was these voices, expressions, and actions that sowed seeds in the soil of my emotions, and once the climate, temperature, water, and other conditions were right, it was time for her to sprout and grow.
Two or three minutes is so short, yet two or three minutes is so long; these two or three minutes have captured my permanent memory.

Chapter Two: Married
life always has moments that make you laugh and cry, or perhaps it's a matter of fate, but after meeting Chun, so many changes occurred.
Because of one incident, I lost my goodwill towards Chun's brother-in-law, which essentially ended my association with Chun's sister and brother-in-law. The gist of the incident was this: I asked him for a very simple official business (he works in a government department). He kept dragging his feet, and a few days later, at noon, I went to his house out of desperation. When I arrived, I listened carefully and heard laughter coming from under the door. Thinking it was just the couple having fun, I knocked without much thought. But no matter how much I knocked or called, the sound stopped, and the door remained closed. Was he avoiding me? I was angry, thinking, "You have to go to work, right? I'll wait for you downstairs." But what I saw shocked me: the woman inside wasn't Chun's sister, but a woman of average build and appearance. Luckily, we didn't meet, otherwise, it would have been incredibly awkward. Because of this incident, I never went to his house again, and Chun later confirmed the whole story.
Through a kind introduction, I met my current wife. After nearly a year of passionate courtship, we got married; then we had a son, and began our ordinary, happy, and fulfilling life.
When I saw Chun again, she was already an employee in our grassroots unit. Several girls had been assigned to our unit from universities in the past two years, but she was transferred in – unbelievable! I inquired and learned it was because of her father's influence; Chun's father had special relationships with certain leaders in our unit. What a great father! What was even more unbelievable was that Chun was already married.
Chun was not yet twenty when she got married. Her marriage was a bridge built by illness; she contracted a strange, very serious illness that year, and it seemed her beautiful flower was about to wither. Parents, with hearts full of love, rushed her to get married when they heard about the "auspicious marriage" tradition. Strangely enough, less than a month after the wedding, Chun miraculously recovered.
Fate! Destiny!

Chapter Three: Scandalous News
After Chun was transferred to our unit, I would occasionally see her. Married, Chun was mature yet even more delicate and beautiful. In this male-dominated community, the presence of such a beautiful and charming young woman naturally attracted a lot of attention. Although we worked in the same company, we rarely chatted. At first, she would call me "Brother Wang" when we met, but her voice and tone had lost their initial magnetism, and she gradually started calling me by my title.
As she met more and more people in the company, the idea that "only I knew her, only she called me brother" gradually faded, and that somewhat smug and gratifying feeling gradually subsided.
However, whenever I thought of her, a fresh and peculiar feeling would always linger, sometimes warm, sometimes cold, sometimes strong, sometimes weak, sometimes smooth, sometimes complicated—like
the weather changing from hot to cold, from cold to hot, in the hustle and bustle of work and life, watching today turn into yesterday, the day before yesterday—
"Do you know what happened in spring—" one day, a colleague said to me mysteriously.
"What happened? I don't know!" "Something
happened, how could you not know?"
"What happened? I really don't know!" "
My lifestyle is very structured. Aside from business trips, social engagements, and other activities, my routine is basically: home - office - home. This lifestyle hasn't changed. My colleague said 'something happened,' and I probably found out about it quite late.
What my colleague said about Chun is this: Chun had a classmate or schoolmate (schoolmate and classmate are probably not the same thing), and they had an ambiguous relationship. A couple of nights ago, her schoolmate was on duty at work, and Chun went there as arranged. Perhaps they did something crazy and didn't pay attention to the time; or maybe she was exhausted and fell asleep. In any case, she didn't come home all night. Her husband probably suspected something beforehand, and when they met in the morning, he made a huge scene. Chun, unable to prove her innocence, took an extreme action (judging from what happened later, this action may have been the only one that completely won over her man). Fortunately, everything turned out alright."
"How could this happen?" I couldn't believe it. She was so pure, sweet, and even a little proud. How could she fall for a man like that? (My colleague said he'd seen the man before; he was a driver, short and chubby.)
"You don't know, Chun and that man have been having an affair for a long time—" my colleague said. Once, the company arranged for Chun and someone else to go on a business trip. Chun arranged for that man to go with her. That night, when they were sleeping, the other person discovered that the man sleeping in the opposite bed was gone. The next day, Chun begged the other person to keep it a secret and even bought them gifts. But when the other person returned, they told them, and the other person told the other person—that's how everyone found out.
It's hard to imagine that all of this is true.
"Chun is that kind of person?" I asked my colleague, staring at him with some doubt.
“And there’s more…” my colleague exclaimed, her face beaming. She said that when Chun first arrived, her supervisor often took her to a certain city, and each time Chun would bring a very close friend. She heard they even… My
colleague spoke as if she had witnessed it herself, her words vivid and detailed. But I didn’t know what to feel. Chun, could this really be the Chun I knew? My
colleague also told me about other scandalous things about Chun, some of which seemed baseless to me, purely based on curiosity and speculation. Perhaps it was just hearsay, with one person adding a few embellishments, or maybe it was sour grapes.
However, one thing did actually happen. One morning at Chun's house, three or five women were watching pornographic videos. Their expressions and feelings are unknown, but what became a topic of amusement and amusement was that the elderly lady of a certain leader in the workplace, after watching, exclaimed, "Watch it again!"
Not long after, one summer day, during a company-wide cleaning, Chun and I were cleaning a corner when I saw Chun. I couldn't connect her to what had happened before. Could it be? Impossible! Really? We chatted about work and life as we swept. Whether it was a sudden impulse or something else, I quietly asked her,
"I heard you have some good videos, can I borrow them?" My heart was pounding as I asked the question. I imagined she would say no or make some other excuse, or even scold me.
Chun glanced at me, smiled mysteriously, and said softly, "They're warm, what's so interesting about them?"
Suddenly… I was at a loss. I didn't say anything more. I kept my head down and cleaned. It was really hot, and I was sweating.
Chun's expression, her tone, her words—I dared not think any deeper.
"Hot—"—what rich and subtle connotations it held!
Who was she? Was she Chun?
Chapter Four:
The mind of a reckless person is active. Through this encounter with Chun, I felt that what that colleague said might not have been entirely unfounded. At least it proved that Chun had indeed watched those videos, and Chun's expression did indeed have an inscrutable element.
From then on, I felt that my angel had gone far away, my little swallow had left the nest, a faint, heartache. At the same time, I also developed curiosity and a different kind of affection for Chun. Thinking about her affairs, I would occasionally feel a feeling of jealousy.
Watching porn (back then it was called video recording) started at this time. At first, I thought: if women like Chun can watch it, why can't I? What exactly is in it? Although I had heard of it, I had never seen it. I had a good friend... When I mentioned it to a friend, he brought me several, which I secretly watched by myself. I was stunned and dumbfounded after watching the porn. No wonder, the impulse was strange; the utterly unadulterated sex between men and women was something to yearn for. Watching the men in the films enjoying the services of those promiscuous women reminded me of Chun and other men. I felt that the women moaning and giving other men pleasure were Chun with her clothes off.
My attitude towards sex completely changed. I couldn't believe there could be such wild actions and such casual behavior between men and women.
One day not long after, due to work, Chun, another colleague, and I went on a business trip to a place where I had a friend. After dinner, I wanted to visit my friend. Because I had been drinking, Chun offered to come with me, and I didn't object. We walked and chatted, talking about everyday things or things at work, and we were having a good time. Before we knew it, we were almost at my friend's house. At that moment, emboldened by the alcohol, I grabbed her shoulders tightly from behind. Chun was startled and hesitated for a moment:
"What are you doing? You can't do that!" she said clearly and seriously.
I slowly withdrew my hand, saying nothing, my heart pounding wildly. My face must have been very red, but thankfully it was dark, and no one could see.
I walked on in silence afterward.
The next morning, when I saw Chun, I was extremely embarrassed, worried that another colleague would notice something was wrong. However, Chun's behavior put me at ease. She chatted and laughed as usual, as if nothing had happened. I was so grateful at the time, otherwise I would have been in big trouble.
Looking back now, I was really too reckless. What was I, watching too many pornographic films?
Looking back—I both hate and laugh at myself.

Chapter Five: Prelude.
Chun's transfer to the government office happened at the beginning of that year. After the transfer, we had frequent contact due to work. Whenever I saw Chun's lively and cheerful demeanor, I would occasionally feel a pang of longing—a strange feeling a man has when he sees a beautiful woman.
One incident left a deep impression on me. It was a few days after Chun had been transferred but hadn't started work yet. Her original unit sent Chun and a male colleague to a certain city on business. I went to deliver the money. After lunch, we had a few minutes alone:
"How was it? Pretty good, right?" I said.
"Good what?" she smiled at me.
"In this big city, you're free and can travel around. It's much more comfortable than working at the office.
" "------"
she suddenly blurted out, "We each have a room; it's so boring."
I looked at her strangely; her gaze darted away.
I didn't say anything more. My vivid imagination told me that whatever she meant by those words, they could be interpreted as: she was afraid I would suspect something was going on between them, that they might be sharing a room; she was implying: don't misunderstand me. And: in certain situations, a man and woman alone together might not be in separate rooms.
Our company has many business trips. In April or May, Chun, another male colleague, and I went on a business trip to a city. After dinner that day:
"What are you doing tonight?" my colleague asked.
"What are we doing?" I replied, thinking to myself.
"Let's watch a movie! It's free, why not?" Chun said.
Our hotel offered free movie tickets with our hotel cards.
The cinema was about 200 meters from the hotel, and the three of us entered at the designated time. The cinema wasn't big, and we found seats towards the back (no assigned seats). Chun was in the middle, and I was to her left. What movie was playing? Maybe a romance, I can't remember now.
My colleague wasn't interested in the movie and wanted to leave after a short while. I asked him to stay, but he insisted on watching for a bit longer. Then he said he wanted a smoke, and I didn't say anything more. He left his seat.
Shortly after he left, I felt Chun's leg move closer to mine. It was light, but I felt it. At first, I didn't pay attention, but slowly, she applied a little more pressure… At that moment, a feeling surged within me, a different kind of emotion. The impulsiveness of my previous reaction vanished, and I immediately became bolder. I moved my right leg towards hers, lightly at first, then with a little more pressure. I could clearly feel her subtly responding, as if she were conveying a delicate message. Our legs remained pressed together, a struggle of pressure, neither of us turning our heads or speaking. In the darkness, we only felt excitement and anticipation.
Time ticked by. I thought of my colleague, and I gently separated my legs:
"Where's he? Where did he go for his smoke?" I looked around at the dim surroundings.
“Who knows?” she said.
“She won’t come back, will she?” I glanced at her furtively.
“Who knows?” She looked at the screen without turning around.
A few seconds later, we sat down and continued watching the movie, our legs slowly pressing together again. By this time, my heart was pounding, my mind racing. After a while, I mustered up the courage to place my hand on her thigh. My heart was pounding. She didn’t pull away; she remained focused on the screen. My clumsy hand, when it first touched her leg, seemed to be held captive by a magnet, unable to move. After a long while, it began to move mechanically, little by little. Then I started to press and move with a little force, and then I began to caress her.
Later, I touched her skin for the first time—her hand. I grasped her hand, my right hand and her left hand's fingers intertwined tightly, sometimes pressing, sometimes squeezing.
And so, we didn’t speak, but we communicated our hearts through body language. Perhaps out of consideration for the large crowd, or perhaps because my colleague's whereabouts were unknown and he might be secretly observing our every move, I didn't make any further moves—no hugs, no kisses.
After the event, walking along that short street, we remained silent, exchanging knowing smiles whenever our eyes met.
At the hotel, we each went to our own rooms. As she opened her door, she playfully waved to me.
In my room, my colleague was still snoring; he was fast asleep.
That night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep, lost in memories, thoughts, excitement, and fantasies…

Chapter Six: Possession.
I used the word "possession," and I don't know if anyone finds it offensive, but I have my reasons for using it.
The next evening after dinner, my colleague went to meet a friend, and I knocked on Chun's door:
"You!" Chun opened the door, stepping aside to let me in, her rosy cheeks captivating. She closed the door, lowered her head, and walked back to sit on the edge of the bed. I sat on the other bed in front of her, so close, and remained silent for a moment.
I leaned down and smiled at the shy Chun—
"What are you looking at? How annoying!" Chun noticed me looking at her and waved her hand to hit me.
I grabbed Chun's hand and pulled her into my arms. Chun, lying in my arms, arched her chest and leaned back, as if trying to break free. To prevent her from escaping, I quickly wrapped my other arm around Chun's waist. Because of her leaning back, her chest was pressed against mine, and I felt the pressure of her breasts on my chest. Instantly, my lust surged, and I held her tighter and tighter, chasing after her body to kiss her. Chun dodged, only occasionally kissing her neck
and face. We slowly lay down on the bed. I began to caress Chun's body. Even through her clothes, I could feel her softness. At first, it was her back and buttocks, gradually moving to her thighs, her abdomen, and her chest.
Chun lay quietly, blankly, and obediently.
When I touched her neck, she turned her head to the side, lying on her side. I couldn't see her expression, but I could feel her heartbeat; her chest and abdomen were clearly rising and falling.
In this situation, how could a virile man not be aroused by such a beautiful woman? I began to lift Chun's shirt, revealing her flat stomach. My hands trembled slightly as I caressed Chun's body, my heart pounding. This was only the second woman's body I had touched besides my wife. Chun's skin was delicate and smooth. My clumsy hands struggled to open her bra. When I touched her breasts, Chun pulled a pillow over her face. Chun's breasts were pert and shapely, not enough to be fully covered by one hand. Her well-proportioned breasts against her beautiful figure were incredibly alluring.
My heart raced, and I began to lean down to kiss and suckle her breasts. My hand slipped through her waistband and reached for Chun's secret place. Her body twisted slightly, her legs clamping tightly together. My hand laboriously explored forward...
I undressed Chun, and she cooperated, but still clutched the pillow to her face.
Seeing Chun's naked body, I couldn't wait to remove my own clothes. As I lay on top of her, a unique pleasure spread through my body. I used my feet to guide her legs apart, and my masculine warrior moved along the slippery, narrow boardwalk, making soft, joyful sounds as I went.
As I neared victory, she released the pillow from her face and hugged my back tightly.
Whether from the pillow or from her excitement, Chun's face was flushed, and her eyes were half-closed.
When we were completely intertwined, I understood what satisfaction truly meant. Looking back at Chun, though her eyes were still closed, a faint smile appeared on her face.
This was the second woman in my life, truly. This first time, we had no skill, no technique, and didn't even kiss her lips (I later learned that her skin was delicate, and her lips and jawline were sensitive; even a slightly rough kiss would leave her red, and the redness wouldn't fade for an hour or two). I held her close, leaning over her, unwilling to leave for a long time.
"Ring, ring, ring—" After a while, the phone suddenly rang. Chun released her arms from my embrace to answer it. It was a colleague calling; he had already gone back to his room and couldn't get in without a key, asking if I was home.
"He's not here, probably out having fun," she said into the phone.
"Oh, are you asleep?"
"I am," Chun replied.
I had completely forgotten about my colleague in my daze. After hanging up, Chun stuck out her tongue at me. I immediately got up, cleaned up the mess, and we both got dressed.
Chun quietly opened the door, checked the hallway to make sure no one was there, and then beckoned me out of her room.
Chapter Seven:
The Feelings of Men and Women are Different. Someone once said: Men experience love through sex, while women experience sex after experiencing love. I don't know if my love for Chun came first, or if sex came first. In any case, I developed a special love for her afterward, a love inextricably linked to sex; the more sex
we had, the stronger the love became. After our first time together, we gradually opened up to each other, becoming much bolder and more unrestrained when we were together.
Later, when we were together, I asked her some questions, such as the scandalous things her former colleagues had told her. She explained everything and proved her truthfulness and innocence. Perhaps I was too caught up in the moment, or perhaps I was too deeply immersed in lust, because I easily believed her. She also said some things that excited me greatly, such as her impressions of me from our school days, her appreciation for my character and conduct, and her fondness for my temperament and appearance.
There was something very special about her. She once told me that her man was impotent, finishing in less than two minutes. She said I had shown her what it felt like to be a woman, that women also have orgasms, and so on. As
for me, I felt completely satisfied to have such a beautiful, elegant, and classy woman as my lover. The women around me no longer held any attraction for me (although three very nice girls and women had shown interest in me, I had betrayed them). I secretly vowed never to betray Chun in our relationship.
She, in turn, repeatedly swore to me that if she slept with another man, she would be hit by a car and die.
The time that followed was indeed happy, wonderful, exciting, romantic, and crazy. We were colleagues in public, but lovers in private. We would occasionally be together, our sweet moments of lovemaking echoing in the bedroom, hotels, the office, outdoors, and in the car. Whenever I think of it, it's a deep, ingrained longing.
There are a few wonderful sexual experiences that cannot be forgotten. Writing them down is either a remembrance or a funeral; opinions will vary.
Chapter Eight: An Affair
in a Certain Building in Shenyang.
There was a hotel with the same name in this building, and as arranged by Chun beforehand over the phone, I booked rooms there. I booked two rooms, on the same floor, opposite each other: one a single room with a large bed, and the other a standard room with twin beds. This arrangement was to have room for explanation should the affair be exposed. The rooms were booked around 9:00 AM.
I was in Shenyang on a business trip returning to my workplace, while Chun came directly from her workplace. Even hardship is enjoyable for lovers. Chun arrived in Shenyang around 11:00 AM, and I picked her up at the Shenyang train station.
I arrived at the train station before 10 a.m. I wandered back and forth in the square, looking at the newspapers in the newsstand, the posters in the video arcade, and the taxis coming and going. Then I walked onto the overpass, watching the passing trains and the flow of people getting on and off. The anticipation I felt was indescribable; I just wanted spring to arrive soon.
Around 11:40 a.m., Chun, dressed simply, emerged from the exit. We exchanged a smile, but I didn't immediately rush to hug her. I looked around for familiar eyes.
Chun slowly walked up to me.
"Thank goodness, you're not late. I've been waiting for you for two hours," she said. I took her handbag and led her to a taxi.
"You knew you'd arrive at this time, yet you came so early," she said, smiling sweetly.
"I missed you so much! I was even thinking of picking you up on the platform!"
"Oh! It's a good thing you didn't go in, otherwise—; there were two of my colleagues in that car."
"Really? That was close!"
"Otherwise, if they found out about our relationship, we'd be finished." Chun glared at me.
"What's finished about it?" I smiled at her.
"You're so mean—"
A dozen minutes later, we arrived at the hotel. Entering the room, we embraced tightly.
In the beginning, our kissing was quite unique. Because Chun's jaw was very sensitive, and we didn't have a good way to handle it, we were always cautious when kissing. When passion reached its peak, our kisses were gentle and delicate, like a soft breeze and gentle rain. The lingering of our tongues, the clinging of our lips, were smooth and sweet, much sweeter than a storm.
Hugging and caressing came naturally. When even the caresses inside and outside our clothes couldn't contain the passion, we started undressing.
Looking at Chun lying naked on her side aroused my lust and made me incredibly excited. It was also the first time I noticed the perfect curves of her hips and legs, reminding me of the limbs depicted in the nude paintings on the glass decorations of a hotel not far from my workplace. I reached out and gently traced the outline of her vulva, sliding it slowly.
As I entered, her private parts were already throbbing with moisture, a mixture of excitement, anticipation, pleasure, and lust swirling within me.
"It's time for lunch," she said. After our passionate lovemaking, we embraced tightly, our love still strong. It was past 1 p.m., and we'd forgotten about lunchtime while lying in bed. Only when our stomachs growled did we remember how late it was.
We walked to the bathroom, supporting each other. Our glistening bodies were reflected in the mirror. Looking at ourselves, she said, "How beautiful! We should record it, look—" I pointed and made a recording gesture.
"What are you doing, recording?" she said, pinching my hips.
"This is nice—" I said, kneading her—looking at her reflection in the mirror with a hint of eroticism.
"You're so good—" The other hand, which had been resting on my chest, slipped away—; after some manipulation, and while rinsing with water, it gradually began to revive.
"Splash, splash," came the sound of water
. "Pitter-patter—"
We ate lunch, it was already past two o'clock. We didn't drink alcohol, just ordered two good dishes. After lunch, we walked around the street for a while, returning to the hotel around three o'clock, and opened another single room with a large bed.
"Rest for a while," I said.
"Okay, together?" she asked.
"Of course," I looked at her, she was smiling slightly.
When I woke up, I found Chun was already lying on her side looking at me. I guessed she had been awake for a while. Looking at her alluring appearance, I was very excited. We embraced again, and after a period of rapid and slow struggle, we achieved the wonderful state of "three times the lovemaking."
That night, we had our fourth round of lovemaking in the standard room with two beds. During the exercise, I already felt a little powerless, but after the clouds cleared, we were both quite satisfied, and that feeling of joy was completely exhausted.
In order not to disturb each other's rest, and also because we were worried about being checked at night, we agreed to sleep separately. We agreed to separate at midnight, and Chun slept in the room with the big bed.
We woke up late the next day and parted ways. She took the noon train, and I took the 3 PM train. The purpose was obvious: to avoid letting acquaintances know about our secret rendezvous in Shenyang.
Chapter Nine: Satisfaction .
Some say that sex is essential when both lovers are fully engaged. I think this is very true; love and sex are interdependent.
There's a small city, but a historic one. Due to business, people from my workplace often travel there. There are several hotels there; one shares the city's name, another is called X-Zone Hotel, and of course, there are others... In these places, filled with mystery, sweetness, contentment, and dreams, Chun and I experienced many moments of excitement, many moments of revelry, and many moments of fulfilling our desires.
The X-Zhou Hotel wasn't a three-star hotel; the environment was average, but the room facilities were good. I specifically mention the X-Zhou Hotel because Chun and I actually spent a night there as husband and wife. We'd never done it before, and we'd never
done it again. That night, we truly shared a bed, partly for pleasure, partly for sleep, embracing all night, and enjoying a blissful night together. Why? Because I'm timid and easily frightened. I was afraid of getting caught in the act, and then everything would be in chaos. Sleeping in separate rooms was safer and more reassuring.
Business trips are the best opportunity for pleasure. You don't have to worry about being seen by acquaintances while traveling, which reduces a lot of anxiety. This reunion in Beijing held special significance.
The trip to Beijing was arranged by my company; the task was to buy computers.
On the day we arrived in Beijing, we checked into a hotel on the right side of the middle section of Zhongguancun Electronics Street. The first thing we did, of course, was to immerse ourselves in the sea of love and let our emotions run wild. Perhaps because we hadn't been together for a long time, we were both quite excited and engaged when we finally got together, and our actions were rather intense. Afterwards, I noticed bloodstains on Chun's genitals, and I was worried I'd damaged her...
"What happened? Does it hurt?" I asked, looking at the bloodstains.
"Is it okay? It doesn't hurt," she replied, seemingly unconcerned, still holding me tightly, lost in her excitement.
After buying the computer and checking in our luggage, it was already evening the next day. We should have headed home, but Chun said she wanted to buy a certain brand of cosmetics and wanted to stay another day, so I complied. That evening, we found a hotel near the cosmetics supplier's office.
The hotel was about 200 meters from a subway station in Beijing, in a high-rise building. I can't remember the hotel's name. We checked in around 8 PM. There were two standard rooms on the same floor, each costing over 300 yuan. I had intended to get a good night's sleep, but upon entering the room, we couldn't help but get excited and smile at each other. However, remembering Chun's injury and bleeding last night, I couldn't help but feel a little tenderness:
"Are you alright?"
"I don't know, are you okay?" Chun asked. "
Is it serious? Does it hurt
?" "It doesn't hurt—" Chun lay on her back, one hand stroking my chest. After a while, I said to Chun,
"I want to take a shower."
"Okay!" Chun let go of me and pulled the blanket over herself.
I went into the bathroom and turned on the water. As I was showering, I suddenly noticed that the bathroom mirror decoration was very peculiar. In front of the mirror was a set of trapezoidal three-sided mirrors. Looking through the mirrors, you would see countless long, neatly arranged images of yourself on both sides, all with a strong three-dimensional effect, getting smaller as they went further away, until they disappeared from your sight. Looking at the two neat rows and countless naked images of myself, I found it quite amusing:
"Chun, come here." I thought of Chun and wanted her to see this strange sight.
"What are you doing?" As I spoke, she also walked in naked.
“Look—” I pointed to my reflection in the mirror.
“Ah!—” she seemed a little surprised.
She gestured and looked for a while: “Give me a bath.”
“No way,” she said, trying to leave, but I grabbed her hand.
“----Okay,” she pulled me close, hugged me, and agreed.
Spring slowly washed my body, front and back, top and bottom, and through the mirror, I received countless services from Spring in various movements. As I washed Spring, my mind was no longer calm, my blood was rushing, and I could no longer control myself—.
Before the mirror, on both sides, countless naked couples were reflected, each movement so synchronized, like two well-trained combat teams performing the same passionate actions. The reflected scene was truly unforgettable, as if it were right before my eyes; it was me possessing countless Springs, it was Spring accepting countless versions of myself in a brutal way. We were appreciating our shared perfection.
After finishing our pre-mirror play, we lay down on the bed to rest, looked at each other and smiled, embracing each other in silence.
"Ring--ring--ring--" A moment later, the room phone rang, and Chun turned over to pick it up.
"Hello, sir," I heard a sweet, coquettish female voice on the other end.
"What is it?" Chun asked.
"Sorry to bother you," the woman said hurriedly after a moment's hesitation, then hung up.
"Oh, it's Miss Chun. Wouldn't it be nice to have her come over and keep you company?" Chun said as she put down the phone.
"Sure, go ahead and call, if you're willing," I joked with Chun.
"I'm going to sleep in my room later, who knows if you'll call her or not?" Chun's eyes were fixed on me.
"If I do call, you have to come with me," I said slowly, enunciating each word.
"You're so vain!" Chun pinched my chest hard; it hurt, it hurt so much.
This trip to Beijing was happy and fulfilling.
Chapter Ten: Danger
Chun has several older sisters, and my affair and sexual desire with Chun were fulfilled through her second and eldest sisters' families. Thinking about it now, it's truly moving and alluring.
One autumn day, near the end of the workday, Chun came to my office, holding a bunch of keys and deliberately waving them in front of me.
"Whose keys are these?"
"My second sister's."
"How come your sister's keys are with you?"
"My second sister went to Shenyang."
"Oh..." When I understood her intention, I was overjoyed. Wasn't this a perfect place for our secret rendezvous fallen from the sky?
"Great! Let's go to her house then." I looked at her eagerly.
"..."
A tacit understanding, a knowing glance.
Her second sister's house wasn't large, two bedrooms and a living room, all facing south. In the bedroom, a large bed was right next to the window, the midday sun shining warmly on its surface. When Chun and I were naked and playfully wrestling in bed, a touch of infatuation arose.
Chun was quite engrossed today, with many movements and postures—time passed by, and in the sea of desire, we experienced another perfect release.
Not long after, however, our passion almost came to light. This time it was at her eldest sister's house. The eldest sister and her family of three had driven to a place 300 kilometers away. Chun had just gotten the key to her second sister's house, and we arranged to meet, but due to work, we couldn't go in the morning and postponed it until after lunch.
When we arrived at her eldest sister's house, we didn't exchange many words and went straight to the point.
After a period of intense passion, I don't know when my breathing turned into snoring. When Chun nudged me, I realized I had fallen asleep.
"You're crushing me! I've been sleeping for over half an hour."
“Really?”
“Look.” Chun pointed to the quartz clock hanging in the room; I saw the hands had already struck three.
“My sister might be back this afternoon.”
“What?” I looked at her in surprise. “Why didn’t you say so sooner?”
“You’re lying to me, are n’t you?”
“Really,” she said earnestly.
Hearing the word “really,” I didn’t dare delay and immediately got up—
walking out of her older sister’s house, it was already around 3:30. Her sister’s house was less than 100 meters from the main street. Chun and I had just gotten into a taxi when:
“Look, my sister’s back!” Following Chun’s finger, a Mitsubishi Jeep was driving towards us. It really was her sister, driven by her brother-in-law. I recognized the car.
“Hurry up!” Chun said to the driver.
The taxi had driven less than 50 meters when I looked back; the Mitsubishi had already turned into the alley where her older sister lived. The time difference was less than 30 seconds. What a close call! Otherwise, I would definitely be blushing and speechless.
Even now, I still wonder if Chun's sister, brother-in-law, and their daughter saw us that day, and whether they discovered any traces of our tryst at their house after they got home.
Chapter Eleven: Guilt.
I like excitement, I like novel and subtle feelings.
For married men and women, this kind of affair is exciting, this feeling is subtle.
After so many encounters with Chun, if we didn't meet for several days, my heart would gravitate towards Chun, I would savor the enjoyment of each encounter, and I would develop an urgent desire to go into actual sex.
Doing this at home is arguably the most dangerous, but sometimes, when we both really need each other, we would occasionally go crazy when the conditions are right. Chun has been to my house, and I have been to Chun's house.
Once, Chun's husband went on a business trip to Shenzhen and other coastal areas, and Chun invited me to her house. I arrived at her house around 10 a.m.
Her house wasn't very big. The dining room was right inside the entrance, and above the table hung a large photograph, easily two square meters in size. The man was handsome, smiling, his eyes seemingly watching your every move; the woman was alluring, leaning coquettishly against him—it was an artistic portrait of Chun and her husband.
Her bedroom faced diagonally towards the dining room. When the door wasn't closed, everything on the bed would be completely visible to those watchful eyes. A chill ran through me, and when Chun and I were naked and entwined, I would occasionally glance at them coldly.
"Close the door, I'm afraid of your husband's eyes," I said, pointing to the photograph above the table.
"You're afraid?" She had been facing away from the photograph, but she turned around, glanced at it, then turned back, pinched me, and laughed.
"Close it."
"I won't." She reached for the door but couldn't reach it, turning to hug me tightly, her breasts pressed against my chest.
As we gradually got into the mood, our lovemaking began. As usual, we performed various actions—
I held Chun and we both sat up. Just then, I glanced at Chun's face and saw those eyes on the wall again. He was watching us, watching his wife being possessed by me, watching his wife's wanton posture. He was still staring at me, still laughing. How could he laugh—it seemed like a perverted mind was at work, suddenly arousing me greatly. I held Chun tightly—giving a feeling of ecstasy.
As we approached the peak, I laid Chun down, and the bullet was fired at her—
looking at the bullet marks on Chun's body, I felt a sense of satisfaction. When I looked up, I saw those eyes on the wall again, watching us intently. At this moment, an indescribable sense of guilt suddenly arose deep within me, completely erasing the excitement from before.
At noon, Chun made me dumplings. She also gave me some aphrodisiac wine her husband had brewed, which contained fresh deer antler and had a peculiar, unpleasant taste.
After lunch, we made love again, and after a blissful, hazy ending, we both fell asleep.
The third time, I was exhausted and couldn't finish even with Chun's teasing. Then, as if remembering something, Chun got out of bed, pulled a package from under the bed, and handed it to me.
"What's this?" I asked curiously, taking the package.
"Take a look," Chun said with a mysterious smile, her eyes full of affection.
Opening the package, I found a box of medicine. Seeing the name, I understood—"The Pillar of Heaven"—it was aphrodisiac. I had never encountered or taken any aphrodisiacs before. I carefully read the instructions.
"Your husband took this?" I asked.
"Yes, but it doesn't seem to have any effect," Chun said shyly.
"Where did you get this?"
"I ordered it online and it was mailed to me," Chun said.
"You want me to take it? What if it makes me sick? I've never used this stuff before."
"Are you afraid to take it? It'll be fine, there are no side effects
." The instructions did indeed say it was a pure Chinese medicine with no side effects.
"Then I'll try it—" Perhaps out of curiosity or wanting to experience the wonders of the aphrodisiac, I agreed to take it.
The pills came in packs of ten, and you had to take five at a time. Chun took the pills from my hand, poured some water, and removed five pills. I slowly swallowed them.
"Take these five with you," Chun said.
"I don't want them."
"No way!" Chun said playfully.
"Why?"
She tapped my forehead with her finger: "Silly boy, if you take five, and there are five left, when XX (husband's name) comes back, he'll find out who took them. I can't say I took them, can I?"
"Oh—" So that's what she meant.
These remaining five pills of "Peerless Pillar" are still in one of my drawers.
Within the prescribed time for the drug to take effect, I wasn't sure if it was a placebo effect or a drug effect, but I did experience a reaction, though not a particularly noticeable one. It wasn't much different from my normal state, and the treatment time wasn't significantly extended. This drug, named "Pillar of Heaven," seemed to be a misnomer.
I left Chun's house at dusk that day.
I went back a few more times afterward, but the impressions were far less profound than this time; the clearer images were all similar.
Chapter Twelve: Shocking Change
Seeing the word "shocking change," one might immediately think that my love with Chun was over, and the story was nearing its end. But who could know that this was just an interlude, a sad chapter in our relationship?
In May or June of a certain year, my workplace got a new boss. I didn't have much of a relationship with this new boss. After taking office, my job changed; I was transferred from the headquarters to a newly established grassroots unit, becoming a small-time leader with little real power or benefit. Although it was still related to my previous work, in some people's eyes, I was already a fallen phoenix.
After I left the government office, Chun still loved me as much as ever for a while, and we could meet or be intimate frequently. But gradually, she started making excuses to postpone things, saying she had something to do the next day. I could sense from this regret that she was drifting away from me, because emotions are the most sensitive thing.
I'm a man with a strong sense of pride. When I was repeatedly rejected after asking Chun out, I was heartbroken and tormented by the pain. How could I handle this relationship? After writing a letter to Chun, you could say our relationship froze—why use the word "frozen"? Future developments will explain. I saved the letter on a floppy disk and eventually gave it to Chun. The letter read: "
Hello Chun!
It's hard to believe that all of this could very well become the past.
I can't face you and clearly express what I want to say. Even if I did, you might not hear or understand it clearly; but if I don't say these things now, there might not be another chance, because your heart has changed, you are different from who you were yesterday. This is a cruel reality for me, and I must face it.
In this world, feelings are the most precious thing. They cannot tolerate any pretense; feelings require sincerity, honesty, and genuine affection. Only mutual affection can last." I miss you, but you don't miss me, so naturally there's a problem. Unrequited love is painful. How I wish that when I miss you, you're thinking of me too; how I wish our love could last, because cultivating a relationship is so difficult, but losing it is so easy. I never believed you were that kind of person, but reality and reason tell me that all of this is about to become the past, and I should wake up from this pathetic and pitiful state.
Looking back on the trajectory of our relationship, it all started from the moment I met you, something I've said to you countless times. Some say that first impressions are very important, and this has truly been proven in my life. It can be said that my intention to make you my friend and then my lover was based on this feeling; from meeting to friendship to understanding to becoming lovers, the process is something only we know the taste of.
After entering the most sacred and sweetest stage of our relationship, you gave me so many sweet and beautiful memories, those intoxicating, blissful moments, which I will never forget in this lifetime, whether real or not! Regardless, these experiences are precious to me! Every time I think back, I'm filled with joy. Life is short, and emotional life is even shorter. Four or five years of emotional experience—how unforgettable! How many more four or five years will I have? Having it was joyful; once I lose it, I can hardly imagine how I would feel.
I can clearly tell you that my love for you from the beginning to the end has been genuine, and my feelings were deeply invested. Perhaps you haven't truly appreciated it, perhaps you don't value my feelings that much, perhaps you valued them more yesterday but not today, or perhaps you've never cared at all. That's fine; it's your right and your freedom. But your later attitude towards me, your repeated rejections with so many naive reasons, truly broke my heart. You didn't have to do that; you could have simply spoken your mind.
That day I talked to you a lot, things you should have understood, but you didn't grasp what you should have understood from our conversation. Having spent so much time with you, you may never have truly understood me. I can tell you, I'm not unreasonable at all; I clearly understand my current situation, and I have a good sense of self-awareness. I also know how lofty your aspirations are.
During this time, someone told me many things about you and me from the past. Some of these things I might not have believed before, but now, after calming down and analyzing them in light of reality, they do indeed have some truth to them.
Recently, I read an article by Bao Fushun titled "Disappointment is Beauty," which made me understand many things and become much more clear-headed. Some parts of this article are very well written; some sentences deeply resonated with me. Without that experience, one cannot truly understand. I want you to read it too; I'm sure you'll be moved by it. Here are a few excerpts:
Disappointment compared to success… "Wealth in the mountains brings many relatives, poverty in the city brings no one to care." Many close relatives and friends distance themselves from you because you can no longer help them; many friends no longer contact you; you're no longer on the guest lists or given a seat at gatherings and lively events; many colleagues are only given a perfunctory nod out of politeness. If you once had a passionate lover, they've now moved on to someone else. At this point, expecting comfort and encouragement is foolish, because sometimes opportunism is indeed human nature. In
times of despair, a handful of friends will remain loyal, even closer than before—these are the remaining gold nuggets, unforgettable until death.
Think about it: isn't despair a good thing? It distances you from pretense and affectation, allowing for genuine self-examination, a return to your true self, and a return to tranquility and detachment. Be yourself honestly; you came into this world pure and will return to it pure. Despair is a form of peace and purity, and therefore, it is beautiful.
Life always has a dark period that we must walk alone. On this path, there are no flowers, no applause, no band accompaniment. You must learn resilience, learn to sing solo and accompany yourself.
Accompanying yourself is the art of living. Isn't it beautiful to sing and play your own song when you're down? Sing a song to your own accompaniment, and you can calmly walk through the rainy night and embrace a rebuilt self under the bright sunshine of the next day.
Disappointment is beautiful!
What do you want to say after reading this? I feel a little bit of this
. I've never truly been triumphant, but I am indeed disappointed right now. Although I haven't found the beauty of disappointment in these words, I have gained some relief. But I believe in one sentence: what belongs to you will belong to you, and what doesn't belong to you, you shouldn't force.
When I face you, you might still say: "I am still me, I haven't changed at all." Actually, I was very happy to hear that. How I wish my lover would love me with her whole life, that I would always have a place in her heart, and that when we are old and gray, our hands would be clasped together, and we would softly reminisce about our past love—how intoxicating that would be! But reality is not as beautiful as I imagine. These past few days, facing one heartbreaking and painful experience after another, my heart has been bleeding each time. After each pain, I always try to comfort myself with memories of the past, with the sweetness of those days, and with the good things you've done for me; but you have only disappointed me more and more, hurt me more and more each time. I have been forced to assess the situation, forced to face reality; I can no longer deceive myself.
These many facts have also made me doubt whether you have ever truly loved me! You might think this is harsh, so let me ask you this: Why do relationships fade so quickly? Why are you so affectionate yesterday, and so indifferent today? Why are there always so many reasons for rejection? If you consider me your lover, isn't your lover more important than your work, more important than your friends, more important than anything else you do? And there are many more things you can't answer. You might say this is just your rebellious nature, but I say no! Is it really such a coincidence that everything happened precisely during this period of my disappointment?
In the days to come, whether I can be your lover or not, I will face you squarely, and I will give you the same passionate heart, a sincere heart, and a loving heart. Others may give you more than I have, and you may want something else (what do you want? I said something to you when we were in Hohhot, I wonder if you remember), but you can't get a heart like mine; similarly, this heart cannot be bought with anything. In the years we've spent together, from any perspective, I have a clear conscience towards you! I say this today, and you will understand it tomorrow, believe it or not!
Your attitude towards me now is something I never expected yesterday, and it's hard for me to accept today. In my mind, you today are completely different from you yesterday. Perhaps you are the real you today.
In my life, I've never experienced heartbreak before. Now, I am a true heartbroken person, having tasted the full bitterness of heartbreak. I once thought that leaving you might cause me even more pain, and I even hoped you would continue to deceive me, hoping you would deceive me skillfully, convincingly, so that I would remain completely unaware, letting me remain asleep in sweet bliss—how happy I would be then! But reality is different.
Even today, yesterday's love remains buried in my heart. My feelings for you now are a mixture of heartache and longing. I still hope you can turn back, hoping you can spend more time reminiscing about the days we spent together, recalling those unforgettable moments, and returning to the way we were before.
Thinking of being rejected time and again, my heart bleeds with each passing day. Whenever I dream of joy with you, I wake up with chaotic thoughts, sometimes even scolding myself for being so infatuated. Are you even a man? You're so pathetic! Even after the outburst, I can't shake the longing. Perhaps that's what love is for me. When love takes hold, there's often no way to escape it.
Thinking about it further, even if you break up with me, my pain will only be short-lived. As a man, I should be able to let go. Even if your past feelings for me were all just a fling, I won't treat you as my enemy. After all, I had you; that's a fact. Perhaps you have many friends like me who will forget everything with time; but I won't. Besides, we were together for so long. From any perspective, it's a kind of fate. I'm a sentimental person, and I will keep this feeling buried deep in my heart.
One day, when you want to talk to me about your feelings, when you want to share your innermost thoughts; when you truly understand my heart, when you care about my feelings, when you understand my love, when you realize your mistakes in your feelings for me, when you understand your misunderstanding of sublime love, when you step out of this self-righteous misconception—that will be my greatest joy and my greatest comfort!
I think I might be about to cross my narrow bridge, but I'm confident that after I do, a sunny road will surely lie ahead!
After you read this letter, no matter what happens to us in the future, I will keep it forever. When we are old (I hope that day comes), we can look at it again and see how we feel then.
Chapter Thirteen: The Narrow Bridge.
For a while afterward, I didn't make any plans with Chun, and we barely
spoke on the phone unless it was for work. Due to the infighting among the leadership of my unit and the disagreements over the organizational structure and management procedures, I couldn't carry out my work properly after arriving at the grassroots level. I was basically idle, spending my days in front of a computer. At that time, I was either learning about computers or playing games. The first game I played was called "The Legendary Twins."
I spent the darkest period of my life in loneliness. Half a year later, I indeed crossed the narrow bridge and saw the sunny road stretching ahead.
The boss, who had been in office for less than a year, was dismissed due to chaotic management, frequent accidents, and abuse of power in personnel appointments. A new successor was brought in, and the previous manager's adjusted staffing was cancelled. I temporarily returned to work in the administrative office. Later, through an open internal election, I won by a landslide against four competitors and returned to my original position.
To be honest, the days of being "poor and unknown in the bustling city" were over. Facing Chun every day, I felt an indescribable awkwardness and a different feeling, but I didn't mention those feelings outside of work.
A month later, I led a group of people from the unit on a training trip to a certain place, and Chun went too. On the night we arrived in that city, we had sex again.
After dinner that day, several people came to my room to chat. Around ten o'clock, they left to rest, and Chun left as well. About half an hour later, I heard a soft knock on the door. When I opened it, I saw Chun. Spring entered my room. Our eyes met, and we remained silent. At that moment, so many emotions surged within me, a bittersweet mix of sour, sweet, bitter, spicy, and salty feelings. I knew Spring's intentions, and the pain of refusing to accept it was unbearable.
--- I don't know if I reached out first or she embraced me first, but seeing Spring before me rekindled memories of yesterday. We embraced, and we finished in the bathroom, with little verbal communication and few romantic gestures.
Afterward, that relationship continued slowly and lukewarmly.
Then, something happened that, if I had been decisive then, should have ended our relationship. But instead of ending it, it took us a step further.
Chapter Fourteen: A Mistake in Love,
A Fresh Start After taking up my new job at the government agency, there was a reshuffling of staff. A male colleague I had a good relationship with was also among those leaving. The night he confirmed his departure, I treated him to dinner. Chun and two of her female classmates (friends) also attended. Amidst reminiscing and excitement, everyone drank quite a bit of baijiu (Chinese liquor), followed by beer. As the dinner was nearing its end, everyone was a little tipsy, and some started leaving the table to drink less.
Seeing that it was almost over, I went to the restroom. When I returned to my room, the door was slightly ajar, and I could hear Chun's voice from inside.
"---Really, you don't know, I just have feelings for you."
"----" Chun said, her words cheesy.
Peeking through the crack in the door, I saw Chun leaning against my colleague's shoulder, her face turned close to his. Although I couldn't see her expression clearly, I was certain she was gazing at him with alluring eyes. I saw his eyes; he seemed embarrassed, his gaze darting away.
"Why are you standing at the door and not coming in?" Chun's friend had also returned to her room. Seeing me standing outside, she called my name curiously.
What I heard and saw made it impossible for me to remain calm. Once inside, my face must have looked terrible. Chun's friend asked what was wrong, and I said I'd had too much to drink. Chun seemed embarrassed, knowing what I'd heard or seen.
We finished our last drink, and the party ended.
I already felt that Chun wasn't a woman who genuinely cared for me. I made an excuse and left, my face flushed with anger.
When I was almost home, my phone rang. It was Chun calling. I didn't answer the first or second time, but I answered the third time.
"Don't call anymore. I know what kind of person you are," I said, and hung up.
She called again, this time explaining repeatedly and insisting we find a place to talk face-to-face right now, asking me to listen to her one more time.
"Okay, I'll hear what you have to say," I agreed.
At the entrance of my workplace, we got into a taxi, which casually took us to a karaoke bar. We went into a private room.
"I'm sincere with you, it was just a fling with him, because he just left the government office and is in a bad mood—"
"You have to believe me—" "
Besides xxx (her husband), you're the only man I have—"
"If I had anyone else, may I be run over by a car—"
Chun spoke haltingly, her words fragmented. I sat blankly on the sofa, saying nothing.
As she spoke, she kissed my face, my lips, my ear, my neck, her hand slipping inside—but because of my bad mood, I didn't react.
Seeing my lack of reaction, she unbuckled my belt—but I remained calm.
"You have to believe me, I truly love you—"
"I really don't have anyone else—"
As she spoke, she suddenly used her mouth—which startled me greatly. Chun had never used her mouth on me before. I had made similar requests many times before, and she would say, "If you love me, respect me. Don't force me. I don't like that." So I always complied. But her behavior today was truly unexpected.
Today, however, I suddenly had a different thought. Her doing this proved she really liked me. It seemed what she said might be true. My heart softened, but to maintain my manly dignity, I remained silent. After
a period of almost frantic movements, she looked up and asked me, asking how I felt, asking me—I didn't answer, only nodded.
Seeing my nod, Chun became even more vigorous—
After a while—I couldn't control the onslaught. When Chun felt part of me inside her mouth, she stopped. Seeing my satisfied expression, she pressed against my chest: "How about that? You believe me now, right? Would I give you oral sex if I didn't like it?"
I nodded.
That night, I barely spoke to Chun. In a state of confusion and uncertainty, I was conquered by her. An hour later, when we left the karaoke bar, Chun kept her head down. As we walked out, I asked her why. She said she was afraid people would recognize her.
After that, our relationship almost progressed further, and our passionate positions became more varied.
Men are just like that, so pathetic—that's how I described myself.
Chapter Fifteen:
After the turmoil of resurgence, and with the unique experience of the last time, Chun and I seemed to have reached a new level of sexual maturity. Looking back now, on the one hand, I was too demanding sexually; on the other hand, I think Chun shared the same preference. Or, to analyze it more clearly, Chun believed that her passion for me was worthwhile. Perhaps this is how some women judge their lovers.
-- It was indeed a pleasure. I don't know if other men feel the same way, but that's how I feel. I've had sex before, but Chun has never given me --. I mentioned before that she has an allergic reaction to her lips, which was the main reason for my hesitation. Because of this, I never forced Chun to -- for me. Every time we made love, I didn't feel it was imperfect because of the lack of --. In terms of sex, pushing one's luck is indeed a man's nature. Since that time, I've enjoyed --. After the first time, I would ask for a second, and then countless times --.
The office is a place similar to a public place, and being naked always makes one hesitant. -- is a good way to achieve sexual satisfaction in the office. After that, Chun and I would occasionally close the office door after work or when no one was around.
One afternoon after work, Chun came to my office as promised. What I remember most vividly is that as we were doing this, the setting sun bathed us in its warm glow, adding a touch of warmth to the autumn and winter day.
It started with hugs, kisses (we rarely kissed before), and caresses, and then we naturally moved on to the main event.
I leaned against the window, turned my head and looked down. It was rush hour, and the streets were already bustling with cars and people. Listening closely, I could hear one or two people occasionally walking by in the corridor outside the office.
In such a setting, facing the person I longed for, excitement naturally arose.
Chun pulled down my pants, letting them slide down to my feet, but didn't take them off completely. My penis had already sprung out, standing proudly in front of Chun, who was kneeling down.
After a while, Chun looked up at me and said, "I have never used my mouth on xxx (her husband's name). You should know how sincere and good I am to you."
I nodded: "I know, as long as you're good to me, that's enough. I'm good to you too, right? Think about it!"
I don't know why, but ever since Chun started giving me that, we haven't finished in bed for a while. Most of the time it happens in other places. My lovemaking time has also become much longer than before, while Chun is quicker, almost always a thoroughly enjoyable experience.
Chun knelt down, her eyes half-closed, looking at me strangely. I stroked her hair, looking at the faint dimples on her cheeks, their varying depths creating a sweet feeling. It was a kind of infatuation, a kind of ecstasy, a kind of romance, a kind of self-forgetfulness, making everything so beautiful, so flawless.
I lovingly stroked Chun's ears, her rosy cheeks, her eyebrows, and her neck. A few minutes later, judging from her expression and body language, I sensed she was burning with passion—after a while, she was bent over, unsteady on her feet, swaying from side to side, half-kneeling, half-crouching, her movements becoming increasingly irregular—I
knew she was nearing her climax. I had her lie face down on the sofa, and after a brief, intense encounter, I felt her spasms and subsequent collapse.
A long time passed, and as darkness fell, she left my office before me. We
had had this kind of sexual encounter several times, and all of this seemed to demonstrate that no force could separate us, no reason could separate us, because the sofa, the desk, even the floor of the office bore too many marks. Now, when you enter this room, you will recall things, you will fall into deep confusion—
Chapter Sixteen: Car Rhythm .
For some things, time cannot fade them.
One summer day, Chun and I went to pick up three cars. Because a colleague was with us, our plans didn't work out. On the way back, one of the cars was given to a company, so I drove one, my colleague drove the other, and Chun sat in the passenger seat. We drove ahead, with my colleague following behind. This road was a newly built national first-class highway; although not a expressway, it was flat, six lanes, and offered a wide field of vision. I held the steering wheel with one hand and used the other to caress Chun, who was sitting next to me. Chun obediently snuggled closer to me, placing her hand on my crotch and slowly massaging it through my pants—
looking in the rearview mirror, my colleague's car was about a hundred meters behind.
My right hand caressed Chun's upper body, focusing on her breasts, and occasionally briefly touched her left thigh and genitals. When our eyes meet, there's an unspoken, knowing smile—
passing cars, overtaking, pedestrians—all happening outside our scenery. When passing cars, the median strip keeps the distance relatively far, and since the cars are traveling towards each other at high speeds, there's no need to worry about being seen by others. The same applies to pedestrians. When overtaking, whether it's the other car overtaking you or you overtaking the other, there's a slight worry about being exposed to others, especially when overtaking medium-sized cars, which are at the perfect angle for being seen.
After this caressing and comforting for a while, my temper began to surge. Partly due to the flirting, and partly due to the influence of this special environment, I felt an urgent impulse, a wanton and exhilarating desire.
Sitting upright in the driver's seat, unable to fully display my manhood, I leaned back, trying to make it as prominent as possible.
"Drive carefully," Chun said, watching my movements and staring at me.
"I know, come on, I can't take it anymore—" I glanced at Chun, indicating that she should help me out.
"You're so naughty, you can't even drive properly," Chun slapped my crotch and rolled her eyes at me.
"Who told you to be such a vixen—" I laughed.
Chun unzipped my pants and slowly pulled out my fully engorged member, starting to gently stroke it up and down. I glanced around at the cars and pedestrians, enjoying Chun's comfort.
"Will XX (colleague's name) see?" Chun asked.
I glanced in the rearview mirror and then back at the rear window: "No, besides, I'm maintaining a good speed," I said with a smile.
"Oh."
"I want you to use your mouth on me."
"No way, you haven't washed all day."
"There's a towel, there's bottled water, wipe yourself off."
"You're so naughty—"
As Chun's mouth movements became faster and faster, the car entered the suburbs, and the traffic and pedestrian flow gradually increased. The excitement reached its peak. Chun paused several times, and I urged impatiently:
"Faster—faster—faster—"
My colleague's car was getting closer and closer behind us. If he paid close attention now, he might discover our secret.
With Chun's repeated efforts, I gradually reached my climax, feeling exhilarated and relaxed—. Trembling, I felt the steering wheel in my hands was also moving, and my foot on the accelerator was also unsteady. Fortunately, the speed had decreased, otherwise, it would have felt really dangerous afterwards.
The traffic and pedestrian flow outside the window became denser and denser. Looking in the rearview mirror, my colleague's car was no more than twenty meters behind me.
Did he see it? Would he see all of this? He would—. When I came to my senses after the passion subsided, I thought about all this, and Chun said, "He probably saw it."
Later, I realized that my colleague hadn't noticed anything at all. Perhaps that's something he couldn't have imagined---.
Afterwards, I was left with a special kind of aftertaste, a painful, hurtful feeling. This is a detail of lovers' lives, a part of the selfless romance of being immersed in love, normal yet abnormal.
This time, I truly understood Chun's sacrifice.
Chapter Seventeen: Building a Nest
. People with this kind of unusual emotion often rack their brains trying to find a suitable place to indulge themselves. Sometimes, when emotions run high, but there's no satisfactory setting, things have to end hastily, always feeling imperfect, leaving a sense of regret for not being able to fully express their emotions or get the full enjoyment.
Near my workplace, there's a residential complex. One day during work hours, promotional flyers for apartments in the complex were delivered to our office. After seeing the discounts and offers, we had the idea of having our own little nest—I don't remember exactly who brought it up first or under what circumstances, but we both agreed wholeheartedly.
After deciding to buy a house, I went on a business trip. During my trip, we kept in touch. Chun went to look at houses in that neighborhood and chose two small units. She said she would make the final decision after I returned and even used her connections to lower the price.
When I came back, I chose one of the two units Chun had selected. In a very short time, I ran around and completed all the formalities—I was busy with this matter with a mix of excitement, anticipation, and a sense of peace. The thought of having our own little world with Chun felt like a huge wish had come true, and I was incredibly excited.
The first time we made love in that house was the day we received the keys.
Having planned it all out, before going, I took the curtains I had just washed from my office. Looking at our sweet little nest, joy radiated from our faces. We hugged each other tightly, exchanging sweet nothings and whispering laughter, even planning our interior renovations.
Holding the curtains, I stretched them out by the corners and laid them directly on the floor. Unbuttoning our clothes, we naturally rolled around on them. The hard floor didn't dampen our passion; sometimes, we even twisted the curtains, leaving our naked bodies in direct contact with the floor, getting covered in cement and dust, forcing us to get up and straighten them.
This time, Chun was very intense and passionate, her moans much louder than usual, perhaps a reward for my busy work on the house these past few days. I blissfully enjoyed the passion, feeling satisfied with her alluring posture.
For a while afterward, I was in charge of the renovations, buying furniture and appliances, while Chun was responsible for ordering the curtains, bedding, and small household items. We each went to work during the day, and then went out to complete our respective grand tasks during our work hours.
Soon after, our little nest was built: wooden floors, a large double bed, a 19-inch color TV, DVDs, etc. (I insisted on buying the TV and DVDs; I said we could watch videos and play games together, which would have a great effect. Chun said it was up to you, do whatever you want).
The bedding was from the same brand. After opening the packaging and laying everything out, we eagerly crawled into bed. It was a frenzied, all-consuming passion; all four eyes were filled with burning flames, gazing at each other with a possessive desire. Deep kisses and sucking depicted the anticipation and beauty of sex; the loud breathing had a strong inducement to primal instincts; intertwined limbs spoke of beautiful meanings; the continued joyful running expressed the myriad aspects of passion; the unrestrained trembling created the perfect silhouette of ecstasy.
"Oh my god—" Chun uttered those two words for some reason.
"What?"
"Nothing, I think we're over—"
"Is it over? If it's over, then it's over." I said with a satisfied smile,
"It won't be over, don't worry." I continued, "
From then on, we had a little nest. In this little nest, we had many stories. These stories were sweet, and it was also in this little nest that our relationship finally ended—
Chapter Eighteen: A Photograph.
In the so-called golden house, we had too many stories, too many memories that made our hearts flutter.
We usually did our activities during the daytime when we were at work. Whenever we were together, we were always so crazy. We watched porn together, earnestly imitating those many seductive movements, expressing erotic postures, enjoying the feeling of ecstasy. Sometimes it would be three or four times a day.
It was also from then on that, because we could act freely and boldly, indulging in unrestrained romance, exploring as we pleased, that I found the place where spring could be most excited and most easily induce a climax. At the most satisfying time, she would have three consecutive climaxes. Sometimes her whole body would tremble, and she would softly and intermittently say: I can't take it anymore, I can't take it anymore—."
Her performance in bed improved with each stroke—blowing, sucking, licking, and eating—each time more skillful than the last. Her beautiful figure moved with increasing ecstasy, and I finally understood what a true bed goddess was.
She once looked at me lustfully and said, "You're amazing. You're my love. You've taught me what a man is, what a woman is, and what enjoyment is."
I replied lustfully, "With you, I don't care about any other woman. With you, I've had enough for my whole life. Don't leave me!!!"
She would say, "I want to get run over by a car with someone else."
Once, she bought a "net-e-pai" (a type of video camera) through mail order. It could take photos and record videos. During our lovemaking, perhaps at my suggestion, we recorded quite a few "self-shot porn videos." Later, she said that "NetEase Pai" (another type of video camera) didn't record clearly, so she brought out a video camera her husband had bought in Hong Kong. After recording, she would play it directly on the TV, commenting on which shots were good and which were bad. When she saw something interesting, she would laugh lustfully.
The photos taken with "Wang e Pai" were sometimes quite good. Most of them showed her with my penis in her mouth. When I first gave up on her, seeing her seductive poses and movements in those photos reminded me of her doing the same to xxx and xxx. My heart felt indescribable—a feeling of wanting to shrink, of not being able to breathe, of sinking, of being tightly gripped. Later, I rarely looked at those photos and videos anymore. Occasionally, seeing them again would evoke many memories, but they were much less intense now. However, sometimes they would still stir my thoughts.
Those times, thinking back, were so beautiful, so romantic, so intoxicating. Time flowed by, and we continued our sensual indulgence in that golden palace…
Chapter Nineteen: My Enemy.
During my work, for various reasons, I developed a feud with someone surnamed Wu. I'm a very loyal person; I repay kindness with kindness, and I'll never forget someone who has wronged me. Although we work in the same unit, we almost never exchange a word outside of work.
Chun knows my enemy very well, to the point that no one knows the reasons for our enmity better than her, because I tell her everything. She even once said to me, "Your enemy is my enemy," and so on.
Since we got our house, Chun and I have had more opportunities to be together. She has a peculiar hobby: if someone calls and she happens to be making love with me, she gets extremely excited. She'll act wildly while on the phone, even if it's her husband calling; she likes it that way.
One day, Chun was riding on top of me, moving around, and I lay there enjoying wave after wave of ecstasy. Just then, Chun's phone rang. When she answered, I heard Wu's voice. Wu said on the phone,
"Where are you? I miss you—"
"I'm busy right now, I'll call you back later," Chun said, and then closed the phone.
Usually, Chun would answer the phone in the heat of the moment, looking at me with a strange gaze, revealing a lewd attitude. But today, her gaze shifted, and her expression seemed unnatural. Although her subsequent actions were even more frenzied, something felt off.
After a while, I asked, "Who called just now?" I usually never ask who called her.
"Haier service, my washing machine broke down, and they've arranged for someone to come today."
Hearing this, I didn't say anything more, because I already understood her inner thoughts. What would have happened if I had said what I heard then? It would definitely have been quite unpleasant.
A few days later, when we were together, I asked her if there was someone else besides me. She confidently replied, "I have someone else who got hit by a car!"
To be honest, I was too attached to her at that time; I'd rather believe it wasn't true than believe it was. Over the years, although I had many opportunities to meet other women, I gave them all up because of Chun. I was heartbroken during that time, and now I realize I shouldn't have done that.
After the shadow fell, unhappiness would occasionally rise in my heart, but time still slowly continued to pass.
Chapter Twenty ends.
Seeing the word "end," friends already know the result. Yes, our long-term relationship is coming to an end, our long-term feelings are coming to an end, and our sex life is naturally coming to an end as well.
After the phone call from "Wu" mentioned above, the frequency of our meetings slowed down significantly. Even when we were together, I was the one who initiated contact. Although she was still as intoxicated and captivating in bed as ever, after the passion subsided, we talked much less, and our conversations became increasingly bland.
I have a very good friend, and because he's an outsider, he knows more than I do. One day, he told me about Chun and "Wu," and also about Chun's romantic story with someone surnamed "Fu." He also talked about many little-known sexual acts Chun committed while drunk (I've experienced this myself; once, after drinking, I went to the restroom. The hotel restroom was small and unisex. Just as I finished and was about to leave, I saw Chun standing outside. When she saw me, she pushed me back in, locked the door, and immediately reached out to grab my penis, wanting to have sex with me there. I didn't dare! There were several men and women at the table. I quickly opened the door and ran out. When Chun came back, she kept saying, "I'm drunk—I'm drunk," as if nothing had happened. I was a little numb, afraid that someone at the table had discovered our secret).
Hearing my friend's story horrified me. I believe the story with "Wu" might be true, but could she also have "Fu"? It's unimaginable. That means she had multiple sexual partners with me.
Thinking about it now, my heart aches terribly. For her, I haven't been close to any other woman besides my wife, giving up every possible opportunity, and I've deeply hurt two very outstanding girls (women). And what I've done for her, what I've sacrificed—thinking about it feels like a thunderbolt piercing my heart.
She absolutely mustn't be with "Wu," Wu is my enemy! I hate Wu to the core; it's like he stole my wife. But I think I should hate Chun even more. Chun knows too well my relationship with Wu, too well about my hatred for him. How could she do this? How could she forget everything? How could she be so unable to distinguish between love and hate? She can be with Zhang San, she can be with Li Si, but she absolutely cannot be with Wu—thinking about it feels like a venomous snake is tearing at my heart.
Once, she flirted with "Wu" on the phone, and by some strange twist of fate, I overheard it all. Wasn't this the same thing she'd said to me many times before? Now she was using it with "Wu," which felt like she was having sex with "Wu" right in front of me—it was like a knife twisting in my heart, excruciatingly painful.
Deciding to give her up was a hard decision, a decision that kept me up all night, making me feel like I was about to fall seriously ill.
When I calmly talked to her, she still swore: "You don't believe me? I really don't have anyone else. If I do, may I be run over by a car." She said these words to me tightly, in our so-called "golden house," which I thought we'd spend a long time together. Although I didn't hug her, although I stood there dumbfounded, if I hadn't known so much, learned so many lessons, and suffered so much pain, I might have been moved by those incredibly sincere words again.
After that, we were never alone together again, and I endured nearly two years of agony.
When the "golden house" was sold, all of that vanished completely.
Postscript
: Now, we still work in the same unit. The sea of desire has vanished forever, impossible to retrieve. Love and resentment will forever be buried deep in my heart. Everything will forever dissolve into the ocean of memory. Dreams are sweet, but what happens after waking? Waking is reality, the truth of life, the self—a
vow of eternal love! For sincere people: it is a promise, a responsibility, a loyalty, an elevation of emotion, an interpretation of love; but for hypocritical people: it is merely a deception, a drug, a delusion, an insult to emotion, a desecration of love. It's right to believe vows of eternal love when you encounter sincere people. But what would you do if you believed vows of eternal love when you encountered hypocritical people? What have you learned from my "Sea of Desire and Resentment"? Since ancient times,
deep affection has only led to resentment!

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