[35 Classic One-Line Jokes]

1. The first guy to know milk was drinkable, what did you do to the cow?

2. When money speaks, all "truth" falls silent.

3. "Extremely hardworking"—I thought about it, and I've achieved the first four...

4. Someone like you would only last two episodes in a TV series. 5.

Spilled water is gone; I don't even want the basin anymore.

6. I woke up this morning thinking I'd grown taller overnight, only to find my blanket was sideways .

7. Never argue with your parents, because if you can't win, you'll only get scolded; if you can win, you'll only get beaten.

8. Today, I went to retrieve a QQ message in a bottle, got one, and was devastated! "One more bottle!"

9. I drew a coffin, with you and her lying inside. How kind I am, letting you die together.

10. God wanted to hear music, so he took Leslie Cheung. God wanted to see dancing, so he took Michael Jackson. God wanted to use an iPhone 5, so he took Steve Jobs.

11. No matter how high your official rank or how much money you have, the King of Hell will still drag you in.

12. Every exam, I really want to fill my paper with "Just Google it, you'll know," to infuriate the examiner.

13. A science student cursed: "You're practically the solution set of x+2>4!" It took him a while to realize the answer was "two to positive infinity"...

14. A girl like you shouldn't get married; even if you did, you'd only be a burden to someone else.

15. School, you may have gotten my body, but you'll never get my heart.

16. "Is my face oily?" "It reflects light, you can't see clearly."

17. "When I was little, I loved playing hide-and-seek. After everyone else hid, I'd go home for dinner."

18. Three apples changed the world: one tempted Eve, one woke Newton, and one was bitten by Jobs.

19. "Matchmaker, did you break my red string?"

20. "On September 1st, more than ten years ago, I happily slung my backpack over my shoulder and skipped into school, embarking on a path of no return.

" 21. "When China becomes developed, we'll need foreigners to translate classical Chinese."

22. "Before, once you'd made the woman into yours, she was yours. Now, even if you turn her into popcorn, it won't work."

23. "If exams were rewarded with QQ coins, the country would immediately become rich and powerful."

24. "The chemistry teacher asked, 'What should I do if there's a gas leak at home?'" "I stood up and said, 'Have a smoke to calm down.'" 25.

Dial 110 now and win a 7-day trip to the detention center, complete with exquisite handcuffs, stylish prison uniforms, and free police car pick-up and drop-off. The first 10 people get a free haircut.

26. You got up in 5 minutes! You've beaten 88% of students nationwide. One student in your dorm failed to get up and is trying again. The entire dorm next door is down!

27. Cheating on the exam: teamwork! Primarily copying, secondarily guessing. A combination of copying and guessing ensures passing. Anyone who reports will face violence after class.

28. A girl: "What exactly do you see in me?" "I'll change, okay?" A man replied, "I just like you, not me, so change it—"

29. I read time-travel novels every day; my toilet looks like a time-travel hole now.

30. During a math exam, three teachers were proctoring. Risking my life, I passed him a note: "Do you know how to do the third question?" After a while, the note read: "I do!"

31. If you watched as trees turned into notebooks, would you still have the heart to do your homework? To protect nature, we won't do homework—

32. There are fewer Lei Fengs, more ridiculous people; fewer people serving the people, more people serving the RMB; fewer people helping their grandmothers cross the street, more people helping their mistresses cross the street.

33. My stomach hurt today, and I felt nauseous. I had an exam this afternoon, and halfway through, I couldn't hold it in and threw up. The teacher came over and said with concern, "What's wrong? Were the questions too disgusting?" 34.

The teacher asked: If one egg hits another egg, which one breaks? A student said: "The heart breaks!" The teacher asked: "Whose heart?" The student replied: "The hen's heart!"

35. It turns out that the English word for ambulance is "ambulance"—the Chinese pronunciation is: "I can't die." I remembered it immediately!

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[35 Classic One-Line Jokes]

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