Don't mess with your wife, or the consequences will be terrible.

1. I had a fight with my wife this afternoon and didn't eat dinner...

Tonight, we were watching TV in the living room when she suddenly said to me, "Stand up."

My temper flared instantly. As the head of the household, how could I let my wife boss me around? So I replied domineeringly, "It's okay, I'll kneel for a little longer..."

2. My silly wife did something wrong during the day, and I yelled at her. That night, she was unhappy and pointed at me, saying,

"If you yell at me like that again, I'll teach you a lesson!"

"What color?"

"Green."

3. I have a bit of a temper, and when my wife and I argue, we often end up fighting. Then she goes back to her parents' house and stays for days.

I really should change my temper, otherwise I'm always the one hospitalized with no one to take care of me.

4. My wife was watching TV, and I asked softly, "Honey, can I talk to you about something?"

She replied, "Just say what you want to say! Stop being so secretive! What's wrong? Are you even letting me watch TV?" I'm warning you, if you talk to me again while I'm watching a TV series and disrupt my viewing, you'll be in big trouble!

Husband: I... I don't have enough pocket money, you see...

Wife: You don't smoke or drink, what do you need so much money for every month? Write me a feasibility report first. Explain your motives and reasons, and state how much extra money you're asking for. Write it carefully, you know I have veto power!

5. A man struck up a conversation with a woman, asking what sport she liked. The woman thought for a moment and calmly replied, "Eating sunflower seeds."

6. A girl set her QQ auto-reply to a very simple "Not Here" when she left, resulting in the following chat log:

Are you there?

Not here!

Really not here?

Not here!

I have a question for you, do you still have your first kiss?

No!

Do you still have your virginity?

No!

Do you still have your chastity?

No!

Hey, you've gone too far, do you still have any shame?

No...

7. Man: Hi!

Woman: Hi!

Man: Have you eaten?

Woman: Have you eaten?

Man: Are you copying me?

Woman: Are you copying me?

Man: I love you!

Woman: I've already eaten.

8. A man and a woman are chatting.

"You're like a guide dog."

"Ugh, I'm not that cute!"

"I mean, only a blind person would want you."

9. A tomboy stands on the top of a cliff and roars at the sky: "Liar! Bastard! Didn't you promise me to be a man in this life?!"

A deep voice from the clouds comes: "I'm sorry, I made a mistake."

Tomboy: "Then what should I do? What should I do, you tell me!"

The god is silent for a while and then replies: "I checked, I've already translated it for you."

10. When I'm waiting at a red light while driving, I get real estate flyers. I usually open the window to take them because it's hard work to stand outside handing out flyers.

But today, the flyer distributor walked around my car and didn't give me one.

I angrily called him back, and he said very kindly, "People who drive cars like yours basically can't afford apartments in this development."

I retorted angrily, "How do you know I can't afford it if you don't even show me! Give me two bills, I need them to eat sunflower seeds."

11. Last month, a new "Great Wall Appliances" store opened across from a "Home Appliance Supermarket" on the street. So, the loudspeakers in front of the supermarket played "Meng Jiangnu Crying at the Great Wall" every day.

The owner of Great Wall Appliances got anxious and put two bigger speakers at the entrance, playing "The Great Wall Will Never Fall" every day…

12. I just saw two women arguing on the subway.

Woman A: Fuck your sister!

Woman B: What are you going to use to fuck

me? Woman A angrily pointed at me and said: Use his!

I was so excited I almost cried; happiness came too suddenly!

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Don't mess with your wife, or the consequences will be terrible.

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