Jokes about mental patients

1)

A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always felt like I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Since I was a little bird.

(2)

A doctor in a mental hospital asked a patient: What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied: I would be deaf.

The doctor listened: Hmm. That's normal.

The doctor asked again: What would happen if I cut off your other ear?

The patient replied: I would be blind.

The doctor started to get nervous: How could you not be blind?

The patient replied: Because my glasses would fall off.

(3)

Two mental patients escaped from the hospital.

They ran and ran and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped down from the tree and rolled around.

Then he looked up at the person above and said: Hey... why aren't you coming down yet...?

The person above replied: No... no...

I'm not ripe yet...

(4)

There was an old lady in the mental hospital who wore black clothes and carried a black umbrella every day, squatting at

the entrance of the mental hospital.

The doctor thought: To treat her, I must start by understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, carried a black umbrella, and squatted there with her.

The two squatted there silently for a month.

The old lady finally spoke to the doctor: Excuse me...

are you... also a mushroom...?

(5)

A mental hospital heard that a leader was coming to inspect the hospital, so the director called a meeting of the patients. At the meeting,

the director said, "This afternoon, a very important leader will be visiting. Everyone must go to the gate to welcome him. When welcoming him

, all patients must stand on both sides of the hospital gate in an orderly manner. When I cough, everyone must clap together

, the more enthusiastic the better; when I stomp my foot, everyone must stop, and no one can make a mistake. If everyone does well,

everyone can have meat buns tonight. If even one person messes up, no one will get any buns.

Do you understand?" The patients shouted in unison, "Yes, we understand!"

That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he entered the gate, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.

At this moment , with the director's cough, all the patients clapped to welcome him, and the atmosphere was very enthusiastic. The visiting leader

was infected by the enthusiastic atmosphere, smiled, and clapped with everyone as he entered the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital

, the director stomped his foot, and all the clapping stopped in perfect unison. Only this leader continued

walking forward with a smile and applause, much to the hospital director's satisfaction. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger burst out from the welcoming crowd

, strode up to the leader, slapped him hard across the face, and roared angrily, "You don't want

your steamed buns anymore?!"

6)

Patient A, a mental patient, stole a phone book from the nurses' office and brought it back to his ward. He asked Patient B, "What do you think of my recently completed novel?"

Patient B looked at it and replied, "Not bad, not bad. However, there are a lot of characters."

At this time, a nurse from the mental hospital came in and said, "Put the phone book back for me!"

(8)

Two mental patients, A and B, recovered at the same time. Their attending physician told them, "If one of you

has a relapse, the other must send him back to the hospital immediately."

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It was A: "Oh no! B has been

climbing into my toilet since this morning, insisting that he is my toilet."

"Quick, send him here!"

A was silent for a moment: "Then... I won't have a toilet, will I?"

(9)

In a mental hospital, a mental patient fished in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "Are you out of your mind? Can't you see it's an empty fish tank?"

(10)

There was a mental hospital where many mental patients lived.

One day, the director of the hospital came up with a plan to check on the patients' recovery. He said to the patients

, “Come here, all of you,” and drew a door on the wall, saying, “Whoever opens this door today can

go home.”

Upon hearing this, the mental patients rushed forward and surrounded the drawn door. The director was very disappointed. At this time, he

noticed that one patient was still sitting in the same spot and didn’t move. He thought it was okay, so he went up to him and asked, “Why don’t you open

the door?”

He looked at the director and said something that made the director both laugh and cry.

The patient secretly told the director, “I have the key.”

(11)

Patients in the psychiatric ward of the hospital often have feelings of affection for doctors or nurses.

One day, a female patient walked towards a male doctor…

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time (in order not to hurt the patient and worsen her condition).

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are sick, I have to take good care of you...

(In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished explaining.)

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you mean you don't love me?

Dr. Lan (thinking hard and not speaking): Hmm... Hmm... Hmm...

Female patient: It's okay... I love Dr. Chen...

(12)

A new nurse came to a mental hospital. When she first arrived, she saw a patient in the hospital circling around an old well,

chanting "13, 13..." The nurse was quite puzzled and couldn't figure out what the "13" meant

. She observed for several days and it was always the same. She wanted to go up and ask him what was going on, but she was afraid that the patient would have an attack, so she didn't dare.

One day, the nurse finally couldn't suppress her curiosity and slowly walked to the patient's side, peering into the well.

Suddenly, the patient grabbed the nurse's legs, lifted her up, and began to chant: "14, 14, 14, ..."

(13)

One patient shouted: I am the director, you all have to listen to me!!!

The attending physician and nurse asked him: Who said that?

He replied: God said it.

At this moment, a patient next to him suddenly jumped out and said: I didn't say that!

(14)

A patient went to see a doctor for the first time.

"Regarding your condition, did you consult anyone before coming here?" the doctor asked.

"I only asked the owner of the pharmacy around the corner," the patient replied.

The doctor hated it most when non-doctors often gave medical advice, and he did not hide this

: "What bad advice did that idiot give you?"

"He told me to come to you."

(15)

In a mental hospital, a patient was writing a letter, and a nurse saw it and asked him curiously.

Nurse: Who are you writing to?

Patient: I'm writing to myself!

Nurse: What are you writing?

Patient: Are you crazy! How would I know if I haven't received it yet?

(16)

A mental patient was singing in bed. While singing, he turned over.

The attending physician asked: Why do you turn over while singing?

He replied: Idiot! After singing side A, I sing side B!

(17)

Two male patients in a mental hospital both believed that they were Chairman Mao. They argued about it all day long and sometimes even fought, causing damage to the hospital's property. The doctor finally couldn't stand it anymore and called them to his office, saying: "I'm going to lock you in this small room for three days. I'll let you out when you've made your decision."

Three days later, the doctor and the hospital director came to the small room and asked: "Have you made your decision?"

Both of them said: "We have."

The doctor then opened the door, and one patient said to the other, “Comrade Jiang Qing, you go first!”

(18)

In the mental hospital, two people were talking. “How is my novel?” “Not bad, but there are too many characters.”

At this moment, the nurse shouted at them, “Hey, you two, put the phone book back!”

(19)

In the mental hospital, a mental patient fished in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, “How many fish did you catch today?”

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, “Are you out of your mind? Can’t you see it’s an empty fish tank?”

(20)

A reporter went to interview a highly skilled psychiatrist. The doctor said, “I once gave my patients this question. I asked them, ‘If the bathtub is full of water, is it faster to use a spoon or a basin to get the water out?’

” The reporter interrupted, “A normal person would use a basin, right?” The doctor looked at him in confusion and said, “A normal person would pull out the plug in the bathtub!”

(21)

Ten more patients were admitted to the mental hospital today.

The doctor wanted to test the severity of their illness,

so he laid out blue mats on the floor of a rectangular room.

The doctor said, "This is a swimming pool, you can go swimming!"

The patients: "Okay~"

Suddenly, patient number 10 said:

"Are you idiots? There's no water there!"

The doctor thought that patient number 10's condition was milder and he should be able to be discharged soon.

Suddenly, patient number 10 said again:

"Because I had to clean the swimming pool! I drained the water a long time ago!"

(22)

Three mental patients were staying in the same hospital. One day,

the doctor wanted to test them, so he put a little white rabbit in each of the three wards.

He went into the first ward

and the mental patient in the ward was wearing a helmet and holding the little white rabbit's ears while riding a motorcycle.

Doctor: Oh!]

When he went into the second ward,

the same scene appeared in front of him.

Doctor: Oh!]

When he went into the third ward,

the mental patient was actually sitting there stroking the little white rabbit.

Doctor: Great! You didn't ride the little white rabbit like the first two did.]

The mental patient heard, "What?! They left without waiting for me?!"

After saying that, he put on his helmet and rode away on the little white rabbit.

Doctor:..........

(23)

A man was driving through the desert and saw a traveler

holding a loaf of bread, a bottle of milk, and a car door.

He was curious and asked the traveler, "What are you doing with the bread?"

The traveler replied, "I can eat it when I'm hungry!" He then asked, "

What are you doing with the milk?

" The traveler replied, "I can drink it when I'm thirsty."

Finally, he asked, "Then what are you doing with the car door?"

The traveler replied, "I can roll down the window when I'm hot!"

(24)

In the hospital,

a patient was complaining to the doctor that he often heard strange noises lately.

Psychiatrist: "Do you often hear some voices, but you don't know who is speaking or where the voice is coming from?"

Patient: "Yes!"

Psychiatrist thought: "Hmm... this is a typical auditory hallucination."

The doctor then asked: "When does this happen?"

. Mental patient: "When I go to answer the phone!"

(25)

Two mental patients wanted to escape from the sanatorium,

but they had to climb over one hundred walls first....

After they climbed over sixty-six walls,

one of them asked: "Are you still okay?"

The other replied: "Yes!"

After climbing over ninety-nine walls, the first one asked again:

"Are you still okay?"

The other replied: "I can't! I'm exhausted~"

"Sigh~ I didn't expect it to be so difficult....

We may never be able to escape, let's go back!"

He said understandingly~

The two quickly climbed back into the sanatorium.

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/134992.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=134992&aspx=1

Previous Page : Mrs. Zhuang

Next Page : The Harem School Life of a Young Apprentice Knight

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

Jokes about mental patients

comment Open a new window to view comments