My first time left a shadow on me

In early 2011, a female high school classmate came to the city to apply for some kind of certificate. I don't remember exactly what it was, because something more memorable and unforgettable happened. One day, I was idly surfing the internet in my dorm when a message popped up on QQ from a female classmate I hadn't contacted in a long time. Her name was Xiaochen. Xiaochen left me a message saying she was coming to my city next week to apply for a visa and asked me to arrange food and lodging for her. I'm not good at communicating, and although I have lustful thoughts, I don't have the guts, but I'm a good person

and always willing to help, so I readily agreed. Promising is easy, but getting it done is hard. To my surprise, all the nearby hotels and guesthouses were full. In desperation, I could only find a female classmate from school and beg her to share a room with Xiaochen. Later, I treated the girl to a meal, and with my charm, I finally got things arranged, and all that was left was for Xiaochen to arrive.

But that day, the weather was a bit cold. Everyone was wearing thick down jackets, and even a beautiful woman would be immediately buried. I arranged to meet Xiaochen at the school gate. When I arrived, even though we hadn't seen each other for years, I recognized her immediately. Although I've seen countless films, mostly featuring naked women, I don't really know much about women's clothing, so I can't really describe Xiaochen's outfit that day. I only remember a particularly sparkly dress, a skirt, and very figure-hugging pants. Even though it was cold, I immediately got an erection.

After exchanging pleasantries, I took Xiaochen to a nearby restaurant for a meal. I'm always willing to help others and am very hospitable; I'll do my best to entertain anyone, regardless of whether they're beautiful or not, especially such a stunning beauty. We had shredded pork with garlic sauce, Kung Pao chicken, and boiled fish—all meat dishes. After the meal, I contacted the students in the dormitory I'd arranged for her, but they were all out shopping. Since it was only afternoon, I had no choice but to take her to my dormitory first.

When I arrived, all my roommates were out with their girlfriends, leaving me, the single guy, alone. Sigh, although Xiao Chen is handsome, he's not good at socializing and is still single. The dorm isn't big, and besides my bed, there's not much else for Xiao Chen to sit on. As the saying goes, "When you're well-fed and warm, you think of lust," and what happened next proved it true. The dorm was heated,

so it was very hot. We took off our thick coats as soon as we came in; I was only wearing a shirt, and she was just wearing a sweater. So she sat down, and I stood and chatted with her. Perhaps she felt embarrassed that I'd been standing for so long, so she offered me a seat. I was a little tired too, so I sat down next to her. Just then, her phone rang; it was probably her best friend.

Xiao Chen said, "Oh, I've arrived. I'm already at my classmate's place. Right now, I'm on his bed, haha. I won't forget to buy you the shoes you wanted, don't worry. Bye-bye~" Later, I learned it was a friend who asked her to come and buy shoes for her, and she was calling to remind her friend about the shoes and also to check on her friend's safety.

After hanging up, Xiao Chen seemed to realize that I, a grown man, had overheard her jokes with her best friend, and the situation became very awkward.

What started as a casual chat about life and ideals quickly turned into a discussion about love and romance because of this joke.

Xiao Chen asked, "Are you still single?"

I replied, "Yeah, I'm a little hesitant to talk to girls too much. What about you?"

Xiao Chen said, "I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago, and I'm happy being single now~ Honestly, it's not easy being single as handsome as you, is it? Do you often go to bars to pick up pretty girls?"

I said, "I wouldn't dare."

At this point, Xiao Chen didn't say anything more, just started flirting with me. I was immediately smitten, and my little brother got erect.

A moment later, Xiao Chen seemed to notice I was getting aroused. She asked, "Do you think I look pretty today?"

I said, "You look good."

Xiao Chen said, "Are you getting erect, haha."

My poor communication skills kicked in again, and I didn't know what to say. Before I could even react, Xiao Chen hugged me and kissed me. Before I could react, she grabbed my little brother and started stroking him. I'm still a virgin, after all; I couldn't handle this kind of teasing. At that moment, I just felt hot-headed and wanted to find something to cool down. So I wanted to hug her to release my desire.

Who knew that Xiaochen would break free from me and say, "I'm not a virgin. I used to have multiple boyfriends, and now I might have gynecological problems. I'm here partly to get a certificate and partly to see a doctor."

I didn't know what to say, so I just said "oh." She then said, "Do you have any condoms here? Want to have some fun?"

When I heard this, I immediately had a mental breakdown. Sexual bliss came too suddenly. I wasn't prepared at all. But I'm a virgin, and there aren't any condoms in my dorm. I said, "I don't have any."

Xiaochen said, "Then don't use any. Just don't ejaculate inside. Whether you have sex or not, you might have a disease, it's not certain."

Although I'm introverted, I couldn't control myself at that moment, so I said, "Let's do it."

I took off my clothes, and Xiaochen made me lie on the bed. She gave me a blowjob for a while, then spread her legs, squatted on top of me, grabbed my penis, and inserted it into her black pen. Although I'm a virgin, my 18cm penis makes me very proud. Xiao Chen, probably experienced in many things, didn't seem to care. When it first went in, I was very nervous. Damn, my first time! Gone in a blur! But I was also very excited, wondering what it would feel like. I watched as Xiao Chen inserted her penis. But I didn't feel much pleasure; instead, I felt a slight pain. After much effort, it finally went all the way in. When she moved on top of me, the pain returned, almost making me scream. After

a while, perhaps her vagina became more spacious, and the pain lessened slightly. She told me, "Come in from behind." So Xiao Chen knelt on the bed, sticking her butt out. I held her with one hand and my penis with the other, aimed at Xiao Chen's vagina, and inserted it. This time it felt better, and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Perhaps because it was my first time, I wasn't sure how to use my strength, and after only 5 minutes, my back and waist ached. What a joke, considering I'm a basketball player!

Just as my back and waist were aching, my roommate came back from the dorm. Xiao Chen and I quickly hid under the covers. My roommate, seeing this, understood and left, closing the door behind him. I was secretly grateful to this guy; he's a true friend!

Xiao Chen and I crawled out. Although I wasn't scared off by my roommate's return, my desire had drastically decreased. I had absolutely no desire to continue. But looking at Xiao Chen's expectant face, I could only pick up my weapon and continue.

After another minute or so, I still didn't feel any pleasure, so I started thinking about my favorite actress, Ms. Aoi, and then hastily ejaculated onto Xiao Chen's stomach.

Xiao Chen calmly took out some tissue to wipe herself clean, then smiled at me and said, "I didn't have an orgasm." I really didn't want to continue, so I dragged her to the bathroom to wash her genitals. After washing, we got dressed and continued chatting in bed, returning to our previous topic.

Xiao Chen said, "I liked you a lot in high school, but we weren't together anymore, so I gave up on the idea. I always fantasized about you, and today, although it wasn't as pleasurable as I'd hoped, it finally fulfilled a long-held wish."

My poor communication skills kicked in again, and I said, "Thank you for liking me before." Looking back now, I think I was such a jerk for saying that. But from Xiao Chen's tone, it seemed to confirm what some guru once said: "Men love because of sex, women have sex because of love." Although Xiao Chen didn't have an orgasm, because she loved me, she still felt it was a memorable experience; although I didn't love Xiao Chen, I could force myself to love her during those few minutes because of desire. That

night, I took her to a classmate's place. The next day, she came over, said hello, and went to take care of her business. After that, we lost contact again. But the whole thing had a significant impact on me. After

I took Xiao Chen away that day, my roommate came back and texted me: "Dude, open the window to air it out after you're done, it smells terrible..."

The next day, my roommate somehow got hold of a copy of *Jin Ping Mei* (The Plum in the Golden Vase), and the two of us, two nerdy guys, watched it together. One scene in particular sent chills down my spine. It went like this: Ximen Qing, overcome with lust, tried to harm his maid. Just as he was about to succeed, his father appeared and scolded him, saying, "Qing'er, how many times have I told you? A man's first time is very important. If you don't do it right, you'll be traumatized for life. Why won't you listen?"

Hearing this, I suddenly remembered my failed first time yesterday. According to Ximen Qing's father's theories, wouldn't I only be good for masturbating from now on, traumatized by any woman? Perhaps subconsciously, that trauma still lingers, which might be one of the reasons I'm still single. But right now, I don't have any desire to sleep with women. I mostly watch porn, masturbate, stretch, and breathe some fresh air.

Looking back on it today, I feel terrible. I'm almost thirty, and I've only done this once, in such a muddled way. Plus, I preferred masturbating to women. It's a trauma.

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My first time left a shadow on me

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