The older brother's repentance

"Youthful naiveté"

is a story that happened to me. If you want to discourage me, I can tell you that I have been suffering for seven years now. If you want to comfort me, I can also tell you that no words will work on me anymore. No matter how many words you say, they can't compare to a single word from my sister.

I don't have much to say to my sister either, because the mistakes have been made, and I can only try to make amends in the future.

Okay, let's get back to the story. Let's go back to elementary school. Back then, my family was extremely poor. We had one room with two beds—one for my parents, and one for my sister and me. There were some simple tools in the main room, and that was all.

Back then, my parents were in their prime. Although they always waited until we were asleep before they did it, they inevitably made some noise that woke us up. (P.S. Now everyone's living conditions are better, and families don't share a room anymore, but I advise everyone to remember to close the door when making love with your partner. Children should receive proper sex education; learning by secret means is unreliable.) Although we were clueless at the time, it proved the old saying, "Parents are children's teachers." Why? Because we didn't know what they were doing or why they were doing it, but we wanted to imitate them and try it ourselves.

During the day, my parents would go out to earn work points, leaving me to take care of my younger sister. I remember our first time making love was in the summer. After our parents went out and we made sure they wouldn't be back, we did what they did. I took out my little brother and tried to insert it into my sister's vagina, but as you can imagine, what could an eight or nine-year-old kid do?

But I could tell my sister seemed to enjoy it (PS: are women naturally more sensitive about this?). I wasn't exactly satisfied, but I was happy. It was the first time I'd ever seen what a woman's vagina looked like. At that time, my sister's vulva was just a small slit. Her labia were very smooth and white, tightly pressed together—truly a barren land, waiting to develop and be cultivated.

The vaginal opening was pitifully small (so much so that I still wonder how it could withstand the stimulation of sex, and how the penis could even go in), and the clitoris was nowhere to be seen. My younger brother wasn't fully developed back then, so he couldn't get an erection. He just instinctively imitated our parents and had his first time (ps, it seems it wasn't successful).

After that, we often played this game when our parents weren't home. I call it a game because there were conditions for me to get this treatment. Sometimes it was carrying my sister a few steps, sometimes it was a treat. I was also happy just by placing my penis at the entrance of my sister's vagina. My sister also felt a little pleasure when I rubbed my penis against her genitals, which I only found out later. We spent several years of

happy times in elementary school

like this. During that time, because my grades were very bad when I first started school, I was scolded terribly by my parents and forced to study all day, so I lost interest in this game.

By third or fourth grade, I had developed an interest in studying, and my grades improved. My parents, seeing my progress, stopped interfering with my freedom. Around this time, I also became interested in my younger sister's budding breasts. I remember one cold winter day, our whole family was huddled together on one bed watching TV. My parents were outside, and my sister and I were inside. While watching TV, I felt a pair of hands reach out and stroke my pubic area. It was my sister! I was terrified, because my parents were right there. Although I quickly moved her hands away, it had already aroused my primal desires.

The next day, I coaxed and tricked her into bed again (ps: she was angry because I refused her the night before). I don't know where I learned it from, but after undressing, I kissed her breasts like a baby nursing. Perhaps it was due to development. She was just beginning to develop; her nipples were pinkish-red, probably not as big as mine yet, but her breasts were already like small steamed buns. I suckled on her nipple, and soon my sister started wriggling her body. That's when I understood the function of nipples for a woman. At this point, I didn't hold back either, sucking on one while my hand began caressing the other breast (ps: now my sister's breasts are clearly well-developed, I think I might have contributed to that).

As I suckled, my sister pressed my head down. I didn't know why, but I heard her say, "It itches there" (ps: I despise Microsoft, they don't even include this word that every Chinese person knows). So, enduring the smell of urine, I began my attack there. Here are some details I didn't understand. When I parted her labia and started licking her vaginal opening, she said it hurt as soon as I licked it, which disappointed me. So I tried to move upwards, and when I kissed her clitoris, she stopped writhing and became uneasy, saying that was it. I had no choice but to focus my attention on sucking her clitoris.

To my shame, at that time I had no idea that women secrete vaginal lubrication, so I didn't even notice if anything was coming out of her vagina. But one thing is true: while I was sucking her clitoris, she finally had an orgasm. She let out a long sigh and said two things: one, that it felt so good, and two, that she wished I could lick her every day.

After she climaxed, I took out my penis, which was already a bit hard but still small and short, and tried to insert it into her vagina. However, I couldn't find the way. Perhaps the friction between her labia aroused her as well. I saw her hold my penis with her hand and try to insert it into her vagina. (PS: I bet we didn't see any movies about this when we were kids, but my sister really managed to get it into her vagina. Do women have some unique instinct in this area?) Although I had performed oral sex on my sister before, her vagina was a bit slippery. But when I inserted it a little deeper, my sister cried out in pain. I felt sorry for her at the time, so I didn't go any further. I just thrust in and out a few times at her labia. I was already ejaculating at that time. Because of the discomfort of my erection, my sister's labia couldn't satisfy me anymore, so my hand naturally came in handy (ps: isn't there a saying online that the first thing a man does is with his hand?). I would stroke it a few times until I ejaculated. My sister didn't object to me ejaculating on her genitals, so every time I satisfied her first and then tried to penetrate again but couldn't, I would use my hand to solve the problem (ps: I unknowingly developed a masturbation habit, which is distressing).

Thinking back to that time, we felt that it was purely about pleasing and satisfying each other. But we were already sexually aroused at such a young age. My

painful junior

high school years were finally overshadowed by my hard work in fifth grade. I received an acceptance letter to a prestigious junior high school, though it was a bit far from home, meaning I could only go home once a week.

Our living standards hadn't actually improved much, but I still had 5 yuan a week for breakfast. I mostly gave this money to my younger sister, since she was homeschooled and didn't need breakfast. But every time my mother gave me money, I would buy her things she wanted to eat but couldn't afford, and she reciprocated by not refusing my requests.

It was around that time that I taught her oral sex. I remember one particularly intense session; I poured a little yogurt on my clitoris and had her lick it first, then slowly poured more down, which she sucked on. There was no technique involved, just pure pleasure. Later, I poured some yogurt onto her vulva and licked it clean, little by little.

We also had two other outdoor experiences. Once, my sister went to herd cattle, and I went with her. I don't know where I got the courage, but I grabbed my sister and headed into the field. I pulled out my already hard penis and tried to insert it into her vagina. I knew that her vagina was dry and tight, and I couldn't possibly insert it. This time, I didn't care about anything else; I had no choice but to go for it. I forced it in a little bit, and my sister started screaming in pain, twisting and turning. My penis eventually slipped out.

Fortunately, there was no blood, but seeing my sister's pained expression, I lost interest. After that

nightmarish high school

experience, my sister stopped allowing me to insert my penis, and I lost interest. Until I entered high school, my high school friends were actually the most interested in these things because their bodies had developed some male characteristics and their sexual awareness was relatively strong. Whenever I heard that my classmates had sex with someone, I listened very attentively.

After returning home for the holidays, my sister still didn't show any particular attachment to me. My several hints went unanswered, which was truly disheartening, but I didn't give up.

At this point, I was practically going crazy. I would sneak into her room at night (PS: haha, our living conditions have improved somewhat) and try to take off her underwear, but I never succeeded. She would kick me out when she found out. I think I must have caused her immense emotional trauma at that time. Later, her personality became somewhat unruly, and her capriciousness was usually due to me.

It should end here, because I rarely went home during my university years, and my sister worked very hard outside. All I can say is that my sister is a permanent wound in my heart. I will cherish her for the rest of my life. She's getting married next year, and I wish her happiness.

"Youthful naiveté"

is a story that happened to me. If you want to discourage me, I can tell you that I have been suffering for seven years now. If you want to comfort me, I can also tell you that no words will work on me anymore. No matter how many words you say, they can't compare to a single word from my sister.

I don't have much to say to my sister either, because the mistakes have been made, and I can only try to make amends in the future.

Okay, let's get back to the story. Let's go back to elementary school. Back then, my family was extremely poor. We had one room with two beds—one for my parents, and one for my sister and me. There were some simple tools in the main room, and that was all.

Back then, my parents were in their prime. Although they always waited until we were asleep before they did it, they inevitably made some noise that woke us up. (P.S. Now everyone's living conditions are better, and families don't share a room anymore, but I advise everyone to remember to close the door when making love with your partner. Children should receive proper sex education; learning by secret means is unreliable.) Although we were clueless at the time, it proved the old saying, "Parents are children's teachers." Why? Because we didn't know what they were doing or why they were doing it, but we wanted to imitate them and try it ourselves.

During the day, my parents would go out to earn work points, leaving me to take care of my younger sister. I remember our first time making love was in the summer. After our parents went out and we made sure they wouldn't be back, we did what they did. I took out my little brother and tried to insert it into my sister's vagina, but as you can imagine, what could an eight or nine-year-old kid do?

But I could tell my sister seemed to enjoy it (PS: are women naturally more sensitive about this?). I wasn't exactly satisfied, but I was happy. It was the first time I'd ever seen what a woman's vagina looked like. At that time, my sister's vulva was just a small slit. Her labia were very smooth and white, tightly pressed together—truly a barren land, waiting to develop and be cultivated.

The vaginal opening was pitifully small (so much so that I still wonder how it could withstand the stimulation of sex, and how the penis could even go in), and the clitoris was nowhere to be seen. My younger brother wasn't fully developed back then, so he couldn't get an erection. He just instinctively imitated our parents and had his first time (ps, it seems it wasn't successful).

After that, we often played this game when our parents weren't home. I call it a game because there were conditions for me to get this treatment. Sometimes it was carrying my sister a few steps, sometimes it was a treat. I was also happy just by placing my penis at the entrance of my sister's vagina. My sister also felt a little pleasure when I rubbed my penis against her genitals, which I only found out later. We spent several years of

happy times in elementary school

like this. During that time, because my grades were very bad when I first started school, I was scolded terribly by my parents and forced to study all day, so I lost interest in this game.

By third or fourth grade, I had developed an interest in studying, and my grades improved. My parents, seeing my progress, stopped interfering with my freedom. Around this time, I also became interested in my younger sister's budding breasts. I remember one cold winter day, our whole family was huddled together on one bed watching TV. My parents were outside, and my sister and I were inside. While watching TV, I felt a pair of hands reach out and stroke my pubic area. It was my sister! I was terrified, because my parents were right there. Although I quickly moved her hands away, it had already aroused my primal desires.

The next day, I coaxed and tricked her into bed again (ps: she was angry because I refused her the night before). I don't know where I learned it from, but after undressing, I kissed her breasts like a baby nursing. Perhaps it was due to development. She was just beginning to develop; her nipples were pinkish-red, probably not as big as mine yet, but her breasts were already like small steamed buns. I suckled on her nipple, and soon my sister started wriggling her body. That's when I understood the function of nipples for a woman. At this point, I didn't hold back either, sucking on one while my hand began caressing the other breast (ps: now my sister's breasts are clearly well-developed, I think I might have contributed to that).

As I suckled, my sister pressed my head down. I didn't know why, but I heard her say, "It itches there" (ps: I despise Microsoft, they don't even include this word that every Chinese person knows). So, enduring the smell of urine, I began my attack there. Here are some details I didn't understand. When I parted her labia and started licking her vaginal opening, she said it hurt as soon as I licked it, which disappointed me. So I tried to move upwards, and when I kissed her clitoris, she stopped writhing and became uneasy, saying that was it. I had no choice but to focus my attention on sucking her clitoris.

To my shame, at that time I had no idea that women secrete vaginal lubrication, so I didn't even notice if anything was coming out of her vagina. But one thing is true: while I was sucking her clitoris, she finally had an orgasm. She let out a long sigh and said two things: one, that it felt so good, and two, that she wished I could lick her every day.

After she climaxed, I took out my penis, which was already a bit hard but still small and short, and tried to insert it into her vagina. However, I couldn't find the way. Perhaps the friction between her labia aroused her as well. I saw her hold my penis with her hand and try to insert it into her vagina. (PS: I bet we didn't see any movies about this when we were kids, but my sister really managed to get it into her vagina. Do women have some unique instinct in this area?) Although I had performed oral sex on my sister before, her vagina was a bit slippery. But when I inserted it a little deeper, my sister cried out in pain. I felt sorry for her at the time, so I didn't go any further. I just thrust in and out a few times at her labia. I was already ejaculating at that time. Because of the discomfort of my erection, my sister's labia couldn't satisfy me anymore, so my hand naturally came in handy (ps: isn't there a saying online that the first thing a man does is with his hand?). I would stroke it a few times until I ejaculated. My sister didn't object to me ejaculating on her genitals, so every time I satisfied her first and then tried to penetrate again but couldn't, I would use my hand to solve the problem (ps: I unknowingly developed a masturbation habit, which is distressing).

Thinking back to that time, we felt that it was purely about pleasing and satisfying each other. But we were already sexually aroused at such a young age. My

painful junior

high school years were finally overshadowed by my hard work in fifth grade. I received an acceptance letter to a prestigious junior high school, though it was a bit far from home, meaning I could only go home once a week.

Our living standards hadn't actually improved much, but I still had 5 yuan a week for breakfast. I mostly gave this money to my younger sister, since she was homeschooled and didn't need breakfast. But every time my mother gave me money, I would buy her things she wanted to eat but couldn't afford, and she reciprocated by not refusing my requests.

It was around that time that I taught her oral sex. I remember one particularly intense session; I poured a little yogurt on my clitoris and had her lick it first, then slowly poured more down, which she sucked on. There was no technique involved, just pure pleasure. Later, I poured some yogurt into her vulva and licked it clean, little by little.

We had two more outdoor experiences. Once, my sister went to herd cattle, and I went with her. I don't know where I got the courage, but I grabbed my sister and headed into the field. I pulled out my already hard penis and tried to insert it into her vagina. Knowing full well that her vagina was dry and tight, I didn't care. I was ready to go, so I forced it in a little. At that point, my sister started screaming in pain, twisting and turning. My penis eventually slipped out.

Fortunately, there was no blood, but seeing my sister's pained expression, I lost interest. After that

nightmarish high school

experience, my sister stopped allowing me to insert my penis, and I lost interest as well. This continued until high school, where a group of friends were particularly interested in these things. Because their bodies had developed some male characteristics and their sexual awareness was stronger, I listened intently whenever I heard about classmates having sex.

When I came home for vacation, my sister still didn't show any particular attachment to me. My several hints went unanswered, which was disheartening, but I didn't give up.

At this point, I was practically insane. I would sneak into her room at night (PS: haha, living conditions had improved somewhat) and try to take off her underwear, but I never succeeded. After she found out, she kicked me out. I think I must have caused my sister a lot of emotional trauma at that moment. Afterwards, her personality became somewhat unruly, and her willfulness was usually caused by me.

This should be the end of it, because I rarely went home during my university years, and my sister worked very hard outside. All I can say is that my sister is a permanent wound in my heart. I will cherish her for the rest of my life. She's getting married next year, and I wish her happiness.

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The older brother's repentance

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