Those Years' Oedipus Diaries

When I was little, my father worked away from home and rarely came back, leaving just my mother and me at home.

Back then, women in the countryside married and had children very young.

I never really noticed how beautiful my mother was until I was about six or seven years old. One day, while playing with my friends, a boy named Wang An suddenly said to everyone, "Zhang Sicheng's mother is really beautiful."

Then the other kids joined in, chattering about whose mother was pretty, had a big bottom, big breasts, or which woman in the village was beautiful.

I didn't understand why Wang An suddenly brought up my mother, but it greatly satisfied my vanity.

When I got home, I happily told my mom about it. She just smiled, patted my head, and didn't say anything before going to cook for me.

It was then that I first realized how beautiful my mom's hips looked when she walked.

When I was little, my dad wasn't home, and I was afraid of the dark, so I always slept in the same room as my mom. She never shied away from changing clothes in front of me.

I often saw her changing her underwear in the room, taking it off right in front of me. I got used to it and didn't think much of it.

At night, I especially liked to hug her and snuggle into her arms, and she would hold my head and tuck me into her chest.

My mother was a very clean person. She bathed every day with soap, and her body always smelled wonderful afterward, unlike the other women in the village.

Because I was young, my mother would always bathe me beside her. I was quite mischievous back then, and I always liked to scoop up bathwater and splash it on her, but only a little bit each time. If I splashed too much water and wet her clothes, my mother would get angry.

During bath time, my mother would always make a point of cleaning my penis. At that time, I didn't understand anything about sex; I just found it very comfortable and gentle for my mother to touch my penis, and I especially looked forward to her cleaning that area during my baths.

This continued until around fifth or sixth grade. One day, my deskmate, a boy named Li Jun, suddenly asked me mysteriously if I wanted to see something interesting. I nodded, and he said he'd show it to me after school.

Being a child, I was easily lured by his mysterious promise, and I barely paid attention in class all morning, just waiting for school to end.

Finally, school was over, and I asked Li Jun if I could see it. He smiled mysteriously, pulled me towards the school gate, and walked quite a distance until we reached a corner in a small alley. Then he unzipped his backpack and took the thing out.

As soon as he took it out, I saw it was just a book, wrapped tightly in a pre-cut book cover; I couldn't even see the title.

I said a little angrily, "Is this all you're showing me? I thought you were going to tell me something good."

Kids love to play, and I'm no exception. I can hardly sit still in class, and you want me to read a book? I wondered if Li Jun had something wrong with his head.

Li Jun, however, wasn't in a hurry at all. He calmly told me, "Open it and take a look first, then we'll talk."

I thought, since I was already here, there was no harm in looking, so I took the oiled paper book from him and opened it. Li Jun, on the other hand, looked around furtively, as if someone was about to discover his secret.

After flipping through a few pages, I was immediately drawn to the contents of the book. It turned out to be a pornographic storybook.

Children in rural areas tend to be more sexually precocious; even at a young age, they understand what "fucking" and "breasts" mean from the swear words adults use.

Just a few months ago, I went with a few kids from the village to peep at the women bathing.

Back then, it was common for kids to form sworn brotherhoods, a practice they learned from the older boys in the village who were good for nothing and didn't study.

Among our group was this "big brother" figure; he and three of us had become sworn brothers. That day, he suddenly asked us if we wanted to see what a woman's body looked like.

We immediately nodded vigorously, like chickens pecking at rice. He imitated the bosses on TV, waving us to follow him.

We arrived at the back of a house, and the "big brother" told us that someone would be bathing soon, and we could see them from there, pointing to the glass above.

Then we discovered that the window had a broken pane of glass, but it was quite high up, almost as tall as both of us at the time. Even on tiptoe, we couldn't see it.

The older brother said, "You guys are so stupid! Why don't you each stand on someone else's shoulders to see?"

Everyone thought it was a good idea, and for safety, we changed it to standing on each other's shoulders, one foot each, to distribute the weight.

Soon after, we heard sounds from inside. The older brother gestured for us to be quiet, and we all obediently kept quiet. After a while, we heard the sound of water, and we knew the woman inside had started taking a bath.

Because I was the thinnest one there, we decided I'd go first to try, and then we'd go one by one.

So, according to the plan, the two stronger guys squatted down, and the older guy and the other guy helped me up by placing me on their shoulders. Then they each held my feet and slowly helped me up, leaning me against the glass. Surprisingly,

my height plus the height of the two guys below me was just enough to reach the broken glass—it must have been fate.

I stared wide-eyed into the glass, and there was a pale woman sitting in a bathtub right in front of me, scooping water from a long-handled ladle and pouring it over herself.

Since I grew up, my mother seems to have become more conscious of her words and actions in front of me. She no longer changes clothes without any restraint in front of me, and even when I take a bath, she only helps me wipe my back; I have to wash the rest of my body myself.

Because the more unattainable something is, the more I desire it, and besides, at this age I understand many things I didn't before, but it's too late; I can't see even if I want to.

So now, being able to see a woman's mysterious body again, I don't know how excited I am.

However, because the bathing area is covered by curtains, the room is very dark, and even if I get very close, I can't see very clearly. And since there's glass in front of me, I don't dare to put my head directly in.

I kept blinking and staring. The guys below, having stood for so long, couldn't take it anymore and asked if I was done watching, saying it was time to switch. I don't know if they were talking too loudly or if they heard me talking through the glass.

Suddenly, the woman showering inside looked in my direction and started screaming. I was so scared I quickly told them to put me down, and then they all ran away.

Afterwards, they complained that I'd been staring for too long and that they hadn't seen anything. I lied and said I hadn't seen anything either, that it was pitch black inside and I couldn't see anything, and that the situation was actually about the same, maybe a little better.

This was probably one of my earliest sexual awakenings, so when I saw the erotic storybook Li Jun gave me, I was incredibly excited. By fifth or sixth grade, I knew most of the words, so even though it was just text, the sexual descriptions still made me blush terribly.

I hadn't even read a few pages, still getting really excited, when Li Jun snatched the book away and put it in his bag.

"I haven't finished reading it yet."

"Isn't it great? I told you it's a good thing. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes, yes, yes."

"Then I can lend it to you, but you'll have to pay."

I said a little worriedly, "How much will it cost?"

Li Jun thought for a moment and said, "Just fifty cents will do. I'll lend it to you for three days."

Money was different back then. Adults' monthly salary was probably only a few dozen or a hundred yuan, so fifty cents was a considerable sum for me.

In the end, I negotiated with him to see if I could pay him one cent a day, and I could pay him back whenever I finished watching it. That way, I could watch it faster and save some money. He thought about it and agreed.

I immediately pulled out the two cents my mom had given me for pocket money that day, gave one to Li Jun, and then he said he wanted an extra cent, saying it was a deposit. He explained that if the book was discovered and my mom confiscated it, or if it got damaged, I'd have to pay for it. I gritted my teeth and gave it to him.

Carefully putting the yellow storybook into my schoolbag, I hurried home. Walking along the street, I felt like everyone was watching me, as if they had all discovered my secret. Looking back now, I realize how timid I was.

When I got home, my mom was already back and waiting for me to eat. Because of what happened with Li Jun, she was home a little later than usual. She casually asked me why I was home so late, and I was startled. I stammered that I had to do chores that day, and she didn't ask any more questions.

Around noon, my mom had to go to work at the factory. Since it was still early before I went to school, she reminded me not to sleep in and to remember to go to school early before leaving.

When I heard her close the door, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. It was pounding wildly, and I had a very exciting and indescribable feeling.

I ran quickly out of the room, opened the door to confirm that my mother had indeed left, then hurried back to my room, closed the door, and began my erotic reading journey.

It's strange, really. Normally, I find reading a Chinese textbook incredibly boring after just a few lines, and I can't concentrate at all. But now, reading these little erotic stories is like seeing something delicious; my eyes don't even blink.

It was also at this time that I first learned that a woman's genitals are called "bi" or "saobi," and that a man's penis is called "jiba." I

had heard people say before that when a man and woman give birth, the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina, but I didn't know the specifics. It was from the book that I learned it involves insertion.

This storybook is made up of a series of short stories of various kinds, including one about incest between mother and son. When I saw the title, "Me and My Big-Breasted Mom," I felt my whole body heat up, and my penis even got a little erect.

So I started reading with great interest. Although the plot wasn't very long, and there wasn't much of a story structure, it seemed to be about me massaging my mother's body, touching her, and then my mother becoming aroused and letting me have sex with her.

But for me, who hadn't seen much of the world at the time, it was incredibly stimulating, especially the description of my mother's figure—full breasts and a plump bottom, the way her buttocks swayed was exactly like my mother's.

Without realizing it, I began to see the woman in the book as my own mother. Even after finishing the story, I was still wanting more, flipping through the pages searching for more stories about incestuous mother-son relationships. Unfortunately, the entire book only contained three or four such tales.

When I tried to read other types of stories, I couldn't get into them; the thrill of reading about incestuous mother-son relationships was gone. I just kept rereading those few stories, completely oblivious to the fact that it was time for school.

By the time I realized I had to go, at least ten minutes of class had already started. I ran to the classroom, thankfully because I'm usually well-behaved in class, and the teacher only said a few words to me before letting me sit down.

As soon as I sat down, Li Jun grinned mischievously and whispered to me, "How was it? Pretty good, right?"

"It's pretty good. I'll return it to you after school."

Li Jun was startled and exclaimed in surprise, "Really? You finished it so fast?"

I didn't want to tell him that I had only read the incest stories I liked and hadn't read the others, so I told him, "I only read a few good ones; the others weren't very interesting, so I didn't read them."

He started to ponder, probably thinking about how to make money off me again. He never expected that I would finish it in just one day.

After a while, he said, "Do you want to read anything else?"

"Others? Do you have any other books?"

"I have plenty of books. Do you have anything else that's even more interesting?"

"What is it?"

My curiosity was piqued once again.

"You know DVDs, right?"

Of course I knew about DVDs. Back then, only a few wealthy families could afford them, and I'd heard from the beginning that they could be used to watch pornographic discs.

But I couldn't possibly get my hands on either DVDs or pornographic discs, so I just listened and didn't think much of it.

Now, hearing Li Jun suddenly bring it up, it brought back those memories. I hadn't expected him to be able to get his hands on such things, but I remembered his family wasn't exactly wealthy.

So I asked him, "Do you have DVDs at home?"

He said, "I don't, but I know where I can find these things, and there are discs to watch. How about it, do you want to watch it?"

Having had the experience of paying to borrow books at noon, I knew he wasn't just giving it to me for free, so I asked him, "Does it cost money?"

He nodded.

I said, "How much?"

He gestured with three fingers, and I hesitated when I thought about how much it was—three cents.

He probably saw my hesitation and said, "Actually, you can use something else instead."

I asked him curiously, "What is it?"

He then started to act mysterious and told me he would tell me after school when no one was around.

Then he talked to me about the stories in the book, asking which ones I had read. Afraid he'd find out my secret, I just casually mentioned a few and then stopped talking.

It wasn't until after school that afternoon, and this time we didn't go too far, just somewhere not far from school, that we hid and started discussing substitutes.

"Actually, you can use your mom's things instead of money."

"My mom's things?"

Hearing his suggestion, I felt a little strange. What could my mom possibly have that could be a substitute? And if anything of my mom's was missing, she would definitely find out. I wouldn't dare do something like that.

"Anything is fine, underwear, bras, or socks."

When Li Jun mentioned these women's intimate items, I looked at him with a strange expression.

He explained, "These aren't what I want; it's what the person with the DVDs specifically requested. He even said that if the items are good, he'll not only not charge me, he'll pay me."

At first, I thought I misheard—not only free, but he'd pay me.

Li Jun probably guessed what I was thinking and continued, "If you can satisfy him, one or two pieces are no problem."

One or two pieces were a considerable sum at the time, and I was tempted, but still hesitant.

At this point, Li Jun started to encourage me, saying, "If you only take one item, your mom won't find out."

I thought about it and said I needed to go back and think about it, so I went back.

Even after my mom came back to cook and I took a shower and went to bed, I was still very uneasy.

Even in sixth grade, I still slept in the same room as my mom, but she no longer changed clothes in front of me without any hesitation as before; every time she changed clothes, she would call me out.

When she finished showering and came in to sleep, I was still thinking about what Li Jun had said. Even with the light off, I couldn't fall asleep, so I sat up to get out of bed.

"What's wrong?"

my mother asked, seeing me suddenly sit up.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Why didn't you go earlier? You're always like this, never preparing beforehand. Turn on the light so you don't fall."

I did as my mother instructed, turning on the light and going out.

Actually, my real purpose wasn't to go to the bathroom, but to see if my mother had taken off her clothes after showering. And I actually found some!

A pair of red cotton panties, a pair of flesh-colored stockings, and a purple bra. They still felt warm in my hands. Excitedly, I brought the bra to my nose and inhaled deeply; it had a faint fragrance.

Because of the yellow storybook I'd read at noon, I started thinking about the story, and my penis started to get a little erect again.

I wanted to smell it a little longer, but my mom suddenly called me. Seeing that I hadn't finished, I quickly put the panties and bra away and went back to sleep.

As soon as I got into bed, my mom told me to lie down and go to sleep because I had to go to school the next day. But I was still distracted by the storybook and the bra I'd just seen, so I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was filled with the stories from the book and what my mom would look like wearing those bras. I didn't fall asleep until the middle of the night.

In the end, after thinking about it several times, I decided that stealing my mom's underwear to sell was too dangerous. Not only would I easily get caught, but I'd be in big trouble if that kid Li Jun used it to blackmail me later.

Back then, it was common for kids to gossip about whose mom had been slept with by so-and-so, or that whose mom was slutty. I didn't want my mom to be talked about like that.

Ever since I refused Li Jun's advances, his attitude towards me became much colder, and I was glad I refused.

Later, a secret circulated among us kids—well, it wasn't really a secret since everyone already knew, but it was only among us boys.

It was said that a boy in our class named Tian Xingteng had stolen his mom's underwear and was caught. Tian Xingteng didn't usually hang out with us; he was a bit dull, and you wouldn't guess he was the type to do something like that.

So when the rumor first came out, no one else believed it, but I was the only one who knew it might be true. During that time, I noticed Li Jun and Tian Xingteng were getting quite close, and I wondered how two people with such different personalities could get together.

Later, Li Jun stopped coming to school, supposedly dropping out, which further confirmed my suspicions. After that, it was said that Li Jun's family moved, and Tian Xingteng disappeared. Everyone just guessed that the rumors about Tian Xingteng might be true, which was why he left. But they couldn't possibly guess why Li Jun had moved away all of a sudden.

I was terrified by their affair, afraid that Li Jun might expose me too. So, during those days when rumors about them were rampant, I was worried about hearing my name in other people's conversations one day, and I was also worried that Li Jun would come looking for me. My mental state was very poor.

My mother saw my listless appearance and thought I was sick, so she took me to see a doctor. At the hospital, the doctor asked me a few questions and said that my poor sleep was due to excessive stress. Because I was young, he didn't dare to prescribe any sleeping pills, so he prescribed some medication to help me sleep.

My mom was quite puzzled at the time. I wasn't a particularly diligent student, so why was I so stressed at my age? She asked me, and since I couldn't think of any other excuse, I just blurted out that it was because final exams were coming up. My mom was very happy to hear that and patted my head, saying I had grown up and become sensible.

That evening, my mom brought out the medicine the doctor had prescribed and watched me take it, because she knew I didn't like taking medicine and was afraid of the bitter taste.

When it was time for me to sleep, she left the light on so she could watch me fall asleep first. This was a kind of maternal tenderness that I hadn't experienced in a long time since I grew up.

I don't know when I fell asleep; I just felt dizzy and then I saw a bright light, but it was blurry. I rubbed my eyes hard, but I still couldn't see clearly.

Then I came to a house. Inside, there was a large, old-fashioned wooden bucket, the kind the villagers usually used to hold rice. But now, a woman was sitting inside, naked.

My vision was only able to make out that she wasn't dressed; at certain points, it became blurry. When I looked at her face again, I could clearly see it was my mother. She was smiling at me with a particularly bright smile.

I had never seen that smile on her before. Suddenly, she splashed water from the bucket at me, but I didn't feel a thing. She smiled and waved to me, and I went over.

Somehow, her clothes disappeared. She told me to sit in the tub and bathe with her. I did as she instructed and sat in the wooden tub. She washed herself, while my eyes were fixed on her chest. My mother saw me and just smiled gently at me. I don't know where I got the courage, but I reached out to grab her.

Then, I woke up. The first thing I did when I woke up was to be incredibly clear-headed, my back was covered in cold sweat, and I remembered that beautiful dream, both real and unreal, very clearly.

The more I recalled the dream, the harder it was to distinguish between reality and illusion. I wonder if anyone else has ever had this feeling—knowing it was a dream, but thinking back on it, it feels incredibly real, as if it were real.

However, before I could even consider whether it was Zhuangzi dreaming of being a butterfly or the butterfly transforming into Zhuangzi, I realized that a hand above me was grasping something soft and spherical. The texture was unlike anything I had ever felt before; it felt incredibly comfortable.

Then it dawned on me that this object belonged to my mother, because she was sleeping right next to me. My mind immediately connected this to what I had touched.

I had read descriptions of breasts in novels before, describing them as exceptionally soft and comfortable to touch. I had only ever glimpsed them before when peeking at others showering or when my mother changed clothes as a child.

My breathing quickened instantly. I knew what I was doing was wrong; if my mother found out, I'd be in deep trouble. But I kept telling myself, "Just a little longer, just a little longer, I'll let go right away."

When I first realized my hand was touching my mother's breast, I was terrified, my hand stiffened, and I didn't dare move. I just left it there, covering it. After a while, seeing that my mother wasn't moving, a wicked voice kept hypnotizing me: "Just touch it, try it, it feels good, what's there to be afraid of?"

I increased the pressure slightly, and that little pressure was enough for me to feel the allure and elasticity of a woman's breast.

This was like an addiction; once you started, you'd want more. My hands began gently squeezing my mother's breasts, all the while watching her reaction, afraid she'd wake up. It was probably the most focused I'd ever been in my life.

After playing like this for a while, even bigger wicked thoughts began to arise. But these gentle touches couldn't extinguish the fire burning within me. I was probably already lost in desire, disregarding all consequences, only wanting greater pleasure. I started squeezing and kneading my mother's breasts harder, feeling like I was about to burst them.

What happened later confirmed my suspicions. I had only gripped her so tightly that my mother, who had been fast asleep, suddenly let out a faint groan. Although she groaned very softly, I was paying close attention to her and it was the quiet of the night, so it actually sounded quite loud.

At the time, I thought I had hurt her, that it was a painful cry, but now I realize that the groan was hard to tell whether it was from discomfort or pleasure. I was so frightened that I didn't dare to move. I remained there, my hand covering my mother's breast, my eyes fixed on her back.

I saw my mother move slightly, and I quickly closed my eyes, but I didn't pull my hand back. I didn't dare to move again. I don't understand how I could be so calm back then; even now, I probably wouldn't be able to react that quickly.

After my mother woke up, her breathing was different, which told me that she was indeed awake and hadn't just moved by chance.

After a few seconds with my eyes closed, my mother gently removed my hand from her breast and placed it softly beside me. Then I heard what sounded like clothes being pulled, probably her adjusting her clothes.

The night returned to silence once more. Just when I thought it was over and was relieved that I hadn't been discovered, a hand lightly brushed across my penis.

I was startled, but reacted quickly, immediately recognizing my mother. I just couldn't understand what she was going to do.

Then, the next second, my mother's fingers lightly tapped my penis through my panties. Because I had just touched my mother's breasts, my penis was still erect—or rather, not really erect, at least not the hard kind an adult has; it was just a little swollen, and still relatively soft.

I don't know if my mother was startled by my swollen penis, but she suddenly stopped tapping it with her fingers. After a while, she started rubbing it with a few fingers.

Although she used very gentle force, I felt an indescribable comfort all over my body, even more comfortable than when I touched her breasts earlier.

Later, my mother seemed unsatisfied with just rubbing it with a few fingers, and she directly enveloped my penis with her whole palm. Her palm was very warm, and because she probably takes good care of herself, there were no calluses on her hands. My penis felt incredibly comfortable being held in her hand.

Her movements were slow and gentle, her hands occasionally squeezing my penis. The feeling was like ascending to heaven; I still savor it to this day, but I've never experienced that with my girlfriend or wife since.

After playing with it for a while, my mother released my penis, adjusted her body, and went back to sleep. I, still feeling the pleasure, drifted off to sleep as well.

When I woke up the next day, I found myself unusually refreshed. I felt a little embarrassed when I saw my mother, but she acted completely normal, making it impossible to imagine what she had done to me the night before.

A few days later, I finally confirmed with my classmates that Li Jun had left our village, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Later that night, whenever I wanted to feel my mother's soft breasts again, my heart would pound. I always felt that if I did, she would immediately notice, so I always tried to wait until she was sound asleep.

But because I had been playing outside all day, I was always very sleepy at night, and I would eventually fall asleep, so I never succeeded again.

And so it went until the summer after graduating from sixth grade. It felt like the happiest vacation I'd ever had, because unlike now, we didn't have to choose schools. There was only one middle school in town, and all of us classmates were basically the same group after finishing elementary school, so there wasn't much difference.

My dad was coming home that summer too. I was always so happy when he came home from working away from home, because he always brought me delicious food and fun things.

But this year, I didn't have as much anticipation for his return.

We had planned to go kite flying with a few friends today, but because our leader, Dalin, had to help with chores at home, the rest of us lost interest and canceled the plans. I wandered around outside for a while, just as I was about to go home...

Just then, I saw my mother pushing her bicycle along the road, with a man beside her. I recognized him; he was a colleague of hers from the factory, and I called him Uncle Chen.

They were walking and laughing. When my father wasn't home, it was just my mother and me living together, and she would always try to avoid being bothered by men, afraid of being gossiped about in the village.

But Uncle Chen was an exception; I had seen him walking and talking with my mother several times before.

Suddenly, I saw Uncle Chen's hand seem to touch my mother's waist. Because of the distance, I wasn't sure if I saw it correctly. But then my mother seemed to glare at him before getting on her bike and riding away. He smiled at her retreating figure and also got on his bike and rode towards home.

When I got home, my mother was cooking, humming a little tune, looking very happy. I asked her when my father was coming back.

She smiled and looked at me, saying, "What? Missing your father? Wait a little longer, he'll be back in a few days."

I don't know why I asked her that question then; I just really hoped my father would come back at that time and drive Uncle Chen away.

About a week later, my dad finally came back from his trip. Just as I had hoped, he brought back lots of delicious food and fun toys for me. My mom scolded him a little, blaming him for spending money recklessly, but my dad just smiled and didn't say anything.

During dinner, he specifically asked about my studies, and my mom gave him a truthful report. My grades were just average, nothing special. My dad only said a few encouraging words without any blame, because in those days, finding a job mainly depended on connections.

When it was time to sleep that night, since there was only one room in the house, and my dad was back, I naturally couldn't sleep in the same bed as my mom anymore. So, we temporarily put together a small wooden board and two long benches to make a makeshift bed for me.

Because I was suddenly sleeping in a different bed, I, who usually fall asleep very easily, actually had insomnia. Actually, I was also anticipating something.

After being exposed to those erotic storybooks, I had begun to understand the secrets between adults, knowing that they always secretly did other things while sleeping, and that my dad, who hadn't been home for so long, must be working tirelessly through the night. Sure enough,

just as I expected, after pretending to be asleep for a short while, I heard my dad's voice.

"I think I'm asleep?"

"Go check on me."

My mom gestured for my dad to check if I was really asleep. Luckily, I was prepared; when my dad got out of bed and came to my side, he only saw me fast asleep.

"I've seen it, I'm asleep."

Then I heard my dad get into bed, the bed board creaked. Back then, our bed was one of those wooden plank beds, and any slightly larger movement would make that creaking sound.

"Be quiet, don't turn around and wake Chengcheng."

"Don't worry, kids aren't easy to wake up."

My mom didn't say anything more after that.

Then I heard kissing sounds again. I was already prepared, so when I lay on my side, my face was facing my mom and dad.

At this moment, I secretly opened my eyes a little, squinting at the bed.

With the help of that little bit of moonlight, I could see fairly clearly that my dad was on top of my mom, passionately kissing her. They were covered by a thin sheet, which covered their lower bodies, while their upper bodies were naked.

It was the first time in so many years that I had seen my mother's breasts. Bathed in moonlight, they appeared exceptionally white and round. While not particularly large, their shape was beautiful; I only learned later that they were called "bamboo shoot breasts."

My father held my mother's tongue in his mouth, his other hand constantly kneading her breasts. I had secretly tried it before, so I knew how pleasurable it felt.

Moreover, I had been incredibly nervous then, afraid to use too much force. Now, watching my father brazenly knead and shape her breasts, changing their form in his hands, a surge of anger welled up within me.

Even if I had chased away Uncle Chen before, now there was my father. Wouldn't I never be able to touch my mother's body again?

After a series of kisses, my dad released my mom's lips and chuckled as he reached down, touching her. I don't know what he touched, but my mom was startled—or rather, she sounded a little uncomfortable.

My dad's hand rummaged around under the sheet for a long time before finally emerging. His fingers, glistening in the moonlight, seemed to have been coated with honey.

Then it dawned on me—this was what they called "vaginal fluid" when a woman is in pleasure, as described in books. So, my mom had been moaning with pleasure, not being in pain from my dad's actions.

He held his fingers up to my mom's face, as if to let her smell them, but my mom turned her head away in embarrassment.

"I've been away from home for so long, have you been missing me? You've gotten so wet in such a short time."

My mom turned her head away and didn't say anything, but I could hear her rapid breathing. My dad, seeing that my mom didn't answer, persisted, taking out his fingers, which were covered in her vaginal fluid, and was about to put them in front of my mom's nose when my mom angrily pushed them away.

"You rascal, you're playing tricks on me as soon as you get back. If you don't hurry up and fix it, it'll be too late."

At this moment, my dad changed from his previous gentleness and suddenly became fierce.

"You'll find out whether it's okay or not in a moment. I'll make sure you can't get out of bed tomorrow."

After that, neither of them spoke again. My dad thrashed around under the sheets for a while, and with a thrust of his hips, my mom and he both let out a low moan.

Then the wooden bed started creaking and groaning. My mom patted my dad, telling him to be quiet, probably because she didn't want to wake me. But I thought he was being too rough and my mom couldn't take it anymore. She wouldn't listen and instead became even more aggressive.

My mom gritted her teeth and endured it, looking like she was in a lot of pain and couldn't even speak.

Their movements were rather simple, just man on top, woman on bottom, without any fancy moves or the variety described in books. They

went on like this mechanically for about ten minutes, and then with my dad's final, violent thrust, he stopped, panting heavily as he lay on top of my mom.

I got up a while later and took out some tissues from the cabinet next to me to wipe myself. After wiping myself a bit, my mother suddenly looked in my direction, which startled me so much that I immediately closed my eyes. I don't know if she saw me.

Then I heard someone get up, put on their shoes, and come to my bedside to gently cover me with the blanket.

I could tell from the scent of soap on her that it was my mother who got up. She then left the room, and I heard the sound of running water outside. She must have gone to wash up. She didn't come back for a while.

When she returned, my dad was already fast asleep, snoring away. My mom stood by the bed, sighed softly, and seemed lost in thought before finally lying down to sleep as well. I, however, kept replaying everything they had just done in my mind, and it took me ages to finally fall asleep.

My dad had been staying at home for over a month this time, but they hadn't secretly taken advantage of each other like last night many times. My mom didn't seem particularly happy about my dad's return; she seemed indifferent. It wasn't until my dad left again to work elsewhere that a hint of reluctance appeared on her face.

About a while after my dad left, I came home one day, and Uncle Chen, who worked at the same factory as my mom, was also there. He saw me and kindly asked about my grades, but I had a prejudice against him before and didn't like him much, so I just exchanged a few words and went back to my room. He stayed for a while and then left. After that, I never saw him come to my house again or come home from work with my mom until I was in the second year of junior high school. After that, my dad said he made a lot of money and our whole family moved to the county town, and we lost contact with him completely. After

moving to the county town, I realized how big the outside world was, and there were many things I had never seen before in my life. However, in a new environment, I couldn't keep in touch with my old friends as often, and I often became a bit withdrawn after school.

Fortunately, I made a new friend. He's my classmate, and I think we became good friends because we're in similar circumstances. His name is Su Wen, a very delicate name, and he's also quite delicate-looking. His personality is just like his appearance—a bit frail.

One day after school, I saw him being bullied by some students from other classes. I couldn't stand it and stepped in to help him. Kids in the countryside are usually quite mischievous, and fighting is commonplace. I easily chased those students away. That's how I truly got to know him. One of us had just arrived in the county town and didn't have many friends, while the other was timid and afraid to socialize. Two people in similar situations came together and became friends.

Su Wen's family was considered relatively wealthy, which was evident from his clothing, demeanor, and upbringing. Before coming to the county town, I often heard people in the village say that city people were snobbish, only befriending the rich, while the poor couldn't even get close to them. But after getting to know him, Su Wen was at least not like that. He genuinely treated me as a good friend, inviting me to his house for the weekend after only two weeks of knowing each other. I was already bored to death in this place, so I readily agreed. When I

first arrived at Su Wen's house, it was very clean and tidy, indicating that it was regularly cleaned. He was the only one home when I arrived.

"Are you alone at home?"

"Yes, my mom went to work."

I found this a bit odd. Why didn't he mention his father? I didn't see anyone else at home! But I'm all grown up now, and I know what I can and cannot ask others, so I kept it to myself.

Back then, the Famicom was very popular, but firstly, these game consoles were too expensive; only wealthy families could afford them. Secondly, there was a saying that these game consoles were like spiritual heroin, addictive and detrimental. So many parents specifically forbade their children from touching them, let alone buying them. This outdated thinking still lingers with that generation of parents to this day.

I never expected that Su Wen's house would have such a game console. I had once gone to a secretly run arcade and was immediately attracted by its unprecedented fun. However, the price based on the number of games was too expensive. After going a few times, my allowance was not enough.

Su Wen and I played games until noon. Then Su Wen told me he needed to buy lunch and that he could play by himself, so he went out. I played for a while longer, but after my character died, I felt tired and stopped to rest. I also got up to use the restroom.

As I came out of the bathroom after putting on my pants, I glanced back at their balcony. There was a row of clothes hanging there drying, including what looked like women's clothes and underwear. I don't know why, but suddenly a little fire ignited inside me. When I thought about what I might do next, my mind went blank, and I found myself walking towards the balcony without thinking.

Those few steps made my heart pound. Looking at those black lace panties, I'd never seen them on my mother before. These must be Su Wen's mother's panties! So sexy! That's what I thought at the time.

Just as my hand was about to touch them, I heard the sound of keys turning on the door. I snapped back to reality and quickly went back to my room. Su Wen came back with lunch takeout.

"Why aren't you playing?"

"Oh! I was a little tired, so I got up for a walk."

Su Wen didn't suspect my lie at all.

After lunch, I started to feel sleepy. I had planned to rest for a bit before playing games, but before I knew it, I slept until after four in the afternoon.

Just as I was about to say goodbye to Su Wen and head home, his mother returned. He seemed a little surprised to see me. Su Wen then introduced me to his mother: "Mom, this is my classmate, Zhang Sicheng. Come to our house to play."

"Hello, Auntie, my name is Zhang Sicheng."

"Hello, welcome to our house."

Su Wen's mother wasn't particularly beautiful, but she had a very pleasing and charming appearance. I can't quite put my finger on it, maybe it's a kind of aura.

"Are you going home already? Stay and have dinner before you leave!" Aunt Su started trying to persuade me to stay for dinner, but perhaps because I felt guilty about what I had done earlier, I didn't want to stay any longer.

"No, Auntie, I should go home. It's so late, my mom will worry if I don't go back soon."

"Oh, okay, then Auntie won't keep you. Be careful on your way home, and come over to visit anytime."

After some polite exchanges, I finally left Su Wen's house. After returning home, I found myself unable to stop thinking about Su Wen's mother. We had only met once and hadn't even exchanged a few words, so why did I feel so special for her? It was strange.

In the days that followed, I would go to Su Wen's house to play with him whenever I had free time. It wasn't always just playing games; sometimes I would take him out to play basketball. Otherwise, even if Aunt Su was very hospitable, she would probably find me annoying.

"Awen, your skills have improved a lot lately, you're almost catching up to me."

"Hehe, that's all thanks to your excellent teaching!"

"Hey, call me 'Master,' am I that old?"

Ever since we started hanging out together, Su Wen has been like a different person. He's become more talkative, more lively, and bolder. Almost none of the classmates recognize him as the timid, girlish Awen from before. After

a game of basketball, covered in sweat, I parted ways with Su Wen on the court. When I got home and was about to take a shower, I saw a pair of leather shoes at the front door. I was pretty sure they weren't my dad's shoes.

At the time, I didn't think much of it and called out as usual, "Mom, I'm home." Immediately afterward, I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom. Before I could even wonder what was happening, the bedroom door opened.

"Chengcheng's back? Come on, come see your Uncle Chen. He just happened to be in the city on business and came to see us. He brought a lot of things with him."

To my surprise, Uncle Chen was also coming out of the bedroom with my mom. I hadn't seen him since my dad's last visit, and now he was suddenly appearing in my house.

"Chengcheng has grown so much, I almost didn't recognize him. Do you still recognize Uncle Chen?"

"What are you talking about? How could you forget him? It hasn't been that long! Right, Chengcheng?"

Uncle Chen, whose hair was meticulously combed, joked with me. Before I could even speak, my mother spoke up for him.

I felt strange at that moment, but I couldn't explain why. I just inexplicably felt disgusted and resentful towards Uncle Chen. I just said a few perfunctory words, told them I was going to take a shower, went back to my room to get my clothes, went into the bathroom, and ignored them.

As I washed away the grime from the showerhead in the bathroom, my mind slowly regained its usual calm, but the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. Why was Uncle Chen at my house all of a sudden? What was he doing with my mom in the bedroom? They could have chatted in the living room.

A sense of foreboding crept over me, and the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became. I didn't even feel like taking a shower anymore; I just quickly dried myself off with a towel and prepared to leave. Just as I was about to open the door, I heard my mom's voice outside.

"Hurry up, Chengcheng will be out of the shower soon." My mom's voice sounded hurried and anxious, and her tone even seemed to have changed, as if she was feeling unwell.

"Can I come see you again in a few days?"

"No, you can't come anymore. This is an exception, otherwise neither of us should live."

Uncle Chen didn't expect Mom to be so resolute. After a few seconds of silence, "Okay, I understand, I... I'm leaving." Then I heard the sound of the door opening and closing; she must have left.

I stayed in the bathroom for a while before coming out. Mom's face showed no sign of anything amiss. She was still making dinner for me as usual, but I knew there was something between her and Uncle Chen that they were hiding from me. Deep down,

I could vaguely guess what was going on, but I just didn't want to face it. As long as I didn't see it with my own eyes, it might not be true, and I was just overthinking things. That's how I comforted myself.

Later, Uncle Chen kept his promise to my mother and never came to our house again. My father's work also started to get on track, and he had more free time, no longer being away from home every few days like before.

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I was in my final year of junior high. In a few months, it would be the high school entrance exam, but for me, it wasn't that important. Everyone else was putting in their best effort to get into a top high school, while I only needed to attend an ordinary high school, so the pressure wasn't that great. Su Wen, on the other hand, was different from me. He had excellent grades and was always among the top students in his class. The teachers all had high hopes for him.

My grades were only average, largely because I studied with him on weekends, which made our two families quite close. Later, I learned from my mother that Su Wen's father had divorced Aunt Su a long time ago, and now Aunt Su was raising Su Wen alone, making it a single-parent family.

It suddenly dawned on me that Su Wen's personality was so withdrawn; I thought it must be related to his family background.

For a while afterward, I especially enjoyed going to Su Wen's house to play and study with him. The reason was that ever since Uncle Chen came to our house that day, a shadow had been cast over my heart. Although I didn't have direct evidence to prove that my mother and Uncle Chen were having an affair, this thought lingered deep within me like a shadow.

Whenever I see my mother chatting and laughing with my father, asking about my health and grades with concern, I always think that everything about this woman is an act. I think she's cheating on my father and me with other men. As soon as I think this, all her kindness immediately turns into dirty malice.

In the final months before the high school entrance exam, I often went to Su Wen's house to study with him. It wasn't that I planned to study hard to get into a top high school, but rather that someone I wanted to see there was Aunt Su.

Compared to my own mother, Su Wen's mother suddenly seemed incredibly admirable in my eyes. Her gentleness and kindness constantly warmed my heart. For a while, I longed to see her every single day. How wonderful it would be if she were my mother!

"Ding-dong...ding-dong..." I rang Su Wen's doorbell, and after a while, Aunt Su opened the door.

"Oh! Chengcheng's here. Wenwen isn't home today!"

What bad luck! I had originally planned to ask Su Wen some questions.

"Don't stand outside, come in quickly, he might not be back for a while."

I had originally planned to leave, but since Aunt Su said so, I pretended to be obedient and entered the house. This was one of the reasons I came here—to talk to her more and see her more.

"Here, have a glass of water!"

"Don't bother, I can do it myself."

"You're being so polite with Auntie, or Auntie will get angry."

Sometimes Aunt Su would act like a little girl, and perhaps it was this attitude that made her look much younger than other women her age.

"How's your studying going? Don't put too much pressure on yourself." Aunt Su handed me a glass of water.

"It's alright. I'm only so confident. I probably have no chance of getting into a top school, but I'm pretty sure I'll get into a regular high school."

"Hehe, you're such a playful kid. If you studied hard, with your brain, you wouldn't have trouble getting into a good high school."

"Then I'll just stay here. Sitting there all day, not moving at all, is really uncomfortable. I can't learn from Awen."

"Sigh, Awen has no choice. He doesn't like to play with people. He only goes to home and school. Luckily, he made you his friend, and he's become much bolder than before."

"That's good. I've also learned a lot from Awen. Otherwise, my grades would still be at the bottom of the class!"

"Oh! I forgot. I left my clothes outside and haven't brought them in yet. It's going to rain soon." As she spoke, Aunt Su immediately stood up from the sofa and walked to the balcony.

"In that case, Auntie, I'll head back now. I didn't bring an umbrella, and I won't be able to get back later."

"Wait! Finish your meal before you leave. What's the rush? I have an umbrella here. If you leave, I'll get angry."

I usually stay here to eat if I study late. This place has almost become my second home. My parents know I went to Su Wen's house, so they're not worried even if I go back a little late.

After making up my mind, I sat down comfortably and glanced unintentionally at the balcony. Auntie was collecting clothes there. I don't know if her clothes didn't fit or had shrunk, but when she raised her hand, the hem of her clothes rode up with the movement of her arm, revealing her snow-white and slender waist.

Although it was only from the side, I had long harbored an indescribable feeling for Aunt Su, a feeling that was both admiration and dependence, difficult to define.

"I'll go put the clothes away first, Chengcheng, take care of yourself!"

Just as Aunt Su was about to walk past me, she suddenly tripped over something, stumbled forward, and fell to the ground, scattering the clothes from the basket all over the floor.

"Auntie, are you alright? How are you?" I quickly helped her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I was just walking carelessly, Auntie, I'm alright."

Seeing that she was alright, I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly helped her gather the clothes from the floor.

"Huh? What's this…" As I was taking the clothes from the floor back into the basket one by one, I suddenly discovered a purple thong, which left me completely bewildered.

In those days, thongs were considered very avant-garde underwear, and women with more traditional views generally found them difficult to accept. I never expected my aunt would buy one.

"Oh!" My aunt exclaimed in surprise when she saw me holding her private item. I was even more startled and didn't know what to do, so I quickly threw the thong into the basket, pretending nothing had happened, and hastily stuffed the rest of the items into the basket.

"Auntie, all done." When I handed the basket to Aunt Su, her eyes were fixed on the ground, avoiding my gaze. She gave a soft reply and quickly went to her room.

I couldn't stand being there any longer, so I yelled into the bedroom, "I'm going home now," and without waiting for Aunt Su's reaction, I rushed out the door.

For a long time afterward, I didn't dare go to Su Wen's house. When Su Wen asked me what was wrong, I could only make up excuses.

Not long after I learned that I had been accepted into high school, my parents also told me something: they were getting a divorce. I can't describe the situation and feelings at the time, I just felt that if this was a dream, I begged it to wake up! However, in the end, my father still left us and went to another city, leaving me, still in a daze and unable to believe the reality, and my mother, who was crying all the time.

I didn't ask about the specific reasons for their divorce at the time, but later I roughly guessed from some of my mother's words that it was probably related to that Uncle Chen. I don't know when my father found out about this; he endured it all until now before divorcing me, and I'm very grateful to him. I'm not sad at all that he did it; instead, I feel a sense of relief for him.

As for my mother, for a long time afterward, I hardly spoke to her. Except for meals and asking for money, I basically didn't see her.

Around my second year of high school, she told me she wanted to get married and had found an uncle. I directly asked her, "Is it that guy surnamed Chen?" She was stunned by my question. She probably didn't expect her secret to be known by her son!

Then she said, "So you knew all along," which further confirmed my suspicions from back then and the reasons for her divorce. She wanted to continue explaining, but I didn't listen. I turned around and went back to my room, leaving with the words, "If you want to get married, go ahead."

Not long after, my mother got married. The man wasn't that Uncle Chen; his surname was Yi. He came to see me once the day before the wedding. I didn't respond to his advances and just locked myself in my room.

After my mother got married, she went to live with Uncle Yi, only coming back on weekends. She would leave me plenty of money or come over to cook me a meal. My hatred for her grew daily. Seeing her living a happy and comfortable life now made me feel sorry for my father. I gradually stopped seeing her as just my mother, and instead saw her as a woman, a woman I both loved and hated.

When I was little, my father worked away from home and rarely came back, leaving just my mother and me at home.

Back then, women in the countryside married and had children very young.

I never really noticed how beautiful my mother was until I was about six or seven years old. One day, while playing with my friends, a boy named Wang An suddenly said to everyone, "Zhang Sicheng's mother is really beautiful."

Then the other kids joined in, chattering about whose mother was pretty, had a big bottom, big breasts, or which woman in the village was beautiful.

I didn't understand why that kid named Wang An suddenly started talking about my mother, but my vanity was greatly satisfied.

When I got home, I happily told my mother about it. My mother just smiled, patted my head, and didn't say anything before going to cook for me.

It was around this time that I first realized how beautiful my mother's swaying hips were when she walked.

When I was little, my father wasn't home, and I was afraid of the dark, so I always slept in the same room as my mother. She never shied away from changing

clothes in front of me. I often saw her changing her underwear in the room, taking it off right in front of me. I got used to it and didn't think much of it.

At night, I especially liked to hug her and snuggle into her arms, and she would hold my head and huddle me against her chest.

My mother was a very clean person; she would shower with soap every day, and her body would smell especially good afterward, unlike the other women in the village.

Because I was young, my mom always helped me bathe. I was quite naughty and liked to scoop up bathwater and splash it on her, but only a little bit each time. If I splashed too much water and wet her clothes, she would get angry. My

mom would always clean my penis carefully during baths. I didn't understand anything about sex then; I just found it very comfortable and gentle to touch my penis with my mom's hands. I especially looked forward to her cleaning that area during baths.

This continued until about fifth or sixth grade. One day, a boy named Li Jun, who sat next to me, mysteriously asked if I wanted to see something interesting. I nodded, and he said he would show it to me after school.

As a child, I was easily lured by his mysterious talk, and I barely paid attention in class all morning, just waiting for school to end.

Finally, school was over, and I asked Li Jun if I could see it. He smiled mysteriously, pulled me towards the school gate, and walked quite a distance until we reached a corner in a small alley. Then he unzipped my backpack and took the thing out.

As soon as he pulled it out, I saw it was just a book, wrapped tightly in a pre-cut book cover, so I couldn't even see the title.

I said a little angrily, "Is this all you're showing me? I thought you were talking about something amazing."

Kids love to play, and I was no exception. I could barely sit still in class, and he was making me read a book? I wondered if Li Jun had something wrong with his head.

Li Jun wasn't in a hurry at all. He calmly told me, "Open it and take a look first, then we'll talk."

I thought, since I was already here, there was no harm in taking a look, so I took the oiled paper book from him and opened it. Li Jun, on the other hand, looked around nervously, as if someone was about to discover my secret. As

soon as I opened it and flipped through a few pages, I was drawn to the contents of the book. It turned out to be a pornographic storybook.

Children in rural areas tend to be more sexually precocious. Even at a young age, they understand what "fucking" and "breasts" mean from the swear words spoken by adults.

Just a few months ago, I had gone with a few other kids I grew up with to peep at the village women taking a bath.

Back then, it was common for kids to swear brotherhoods and become "big brothers," a practice they learned from the older boys in the village who were idle and didn't study.

Among our group of friends was one such "big brother" figure. He and three of us had become sworn brothers. One day, he suddenly asked us if we wanted to see what a woman's body looked like.

We immediately nodded vigorously, like chickens pecking at rice. He imitated the bosses on TV, waving us to follow him.

We arrived at the back of a house, and the "big brother" told us that someone would be taking a bath soon, and we could see them from there, pointing to the glass above.

Then we discovered that the window had a broken pane of glass, but it was quite high up, almost as tall as both of us at the time. Even on tiptoe, we couldn't see it.

The older brother said, "You guys are so stupid! Why don't you each stand on someone else's shoulders to see?"

Everyone thought it was a good idea, and for safety, we changed it to standing on each other's shoulders, one foot each, to distribute the weight.

Soon after, we heard sounds from inside. The older brother gestured for us to be quiet, and we all obediently kept quiet. After a while, we heard the sound of water, and we knew the woman inside had started taking a bath.

Because I was the thinnest one there, we decided I'd go first to try, and then we'd go one by one.

So, according to the plan, the two stronger guys squatted down, and the older guy and the other guy helped me up by placing me on their shoulders. Then they each held my feet and slowly helped me up, leaning me against the glass. Surprisingly,

my height plus the height of the two guys below me was just enough to reach the broken glass—it must have been fate.

I stared wide-eyed into the glass, and there was a pale woman sitting in a bathtub right in front of me, scooping water from a long-handled ladle and pouring it over herself.

Since I grew up, my mother seems to have become more conscious of her words and actions in front of me. She no longer changes clothes without any restraint in front of me, and even when I take a bath, she only helps me wipe my back; I have to wash the rest of my body myself.

Because the more unattainable something is, the more I desire it, and besides, at this age I understand many things I didn't before, but it's too late; I can't see even if I want to.

So now, being able to see a woman's mysterious body again, I don't know how excited I am.

However, because the bathing area is covered by curtains, the room is very dark, and even if I get very close, I can't see very clearly. And since there's glass in front of me, I don't dare to put my head directly in.

I kept blinking and staring. The guys below, having stood for so long, couldn't take it anymore and asked if I was done watching, saying it was time to switch. I don't know if they were talking too loudly or if they heard me talking through the glass.

Suddenly, the woman showering inside looked in my direction and started screaming. I was so scared I quickly told them to put me down, and then they all ran away.

Afterwards, they complained that I'd been staring for too long and that they hadn't seen anything. I lied and said I hadn't seen anything either, that it was pitch black inside and I couldn't see anything, and that the situation was actually about the same, maybe a little better.

This should be considered one of my earliest sexual awakenings, so when I saw the erotic storybook Li Jun gave me, I was incredibly excited. By fifth or sixth grade, I knew most of the words, so even though it was just text, the sexual descriptions still made me blush terribly.

I hadn't even read a few pages, and I was getting really excited, when Li Jun snatched the book away and put it in his bag.

"I haven't finished reading it yet."

"Isn't it good? I told you it's a good thing. Do you want to read it?"

"Yes, yes."

"Then I can lend it to you, but you have to pay me."

I said a little worriedly, "How much will it cost?"

Li Jun thought for a moment and said, "Just fifty cents will do. I'll lend it to you for three days."

Money was different back then. Adults' monthly salary was probably only a few dozen or a hundred yuan, so fifty cents was a considerable sum for me.

In the end, I discussed with him whether I could give him one cent a day, and I would pay him back whenever I finished reading it. That way, I could read it faster and save some money. He thought about it and agreed.

I immediately pulled out the two cents my mom had given me for pocket money that day, gave one to Li Jun, and then he said he wanted an extra cent, saying it was a deposit. He explained that if the book was discovered and my mom confiscated it, or if it got damaged, I'd have to pay for it. I gritted my teeth and gave it to him.

Carefully putting the yellow storybook into my schoolbag, I hurried home. Walking along the street, I felt like everyone was watching me, as if they had all discovered my secret. Looking back now, I realize how timid I was.

When I got home, my mom was already back and waiting for me to eat. Because of what happened with Li Jun, she was home a little later than usual. She casually asked me why I was home so late, and I was startled. I stammered that I had to do chores that day, and she didn't ask any more questions.

Around noon, my mom had to go to work at the factory. Since it was still early before I went to school, she reminded me not to sleep in and to remember to go to school early before leaving.

When I heard her close the door, my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. It was pounding wildly, and I had a very exciting and indescribable feeling.

I ran quickly out of the room, opened the door to confirm that my mother had indeed left, then hurried back to my room, closed the door, and began my erotic reading journey.

It's strange, really. Normally, I find reading a Chinese textbook incredibly boring after just a few lines, and I can't concentrate at all. But now, reading these little erotic stories is like seeing something delicious; my eyes don't even blink.

It was also at this time that I first learned that a woman's genitals are called "bi" or "saobi," and that a man's penis is called "jiba." I

had heard people say before that when a man and woman give birth, the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina, but I didn't know the specifics. It was from the book that I learned it involves insertion.

This storybook is made up of a series of short stories of various kinds, including one about incest between mother and son. When I saw the title, "Me and My Big-Breasted Mom," I felt my whole body heat up, and my penis even got a little erect.

So I started reading with great interest. Although the plot wasn't very long, and there wasn't much of a story structure, it seemed to be about me massaging my mother's body, touching her, and then my mother becoming aroused and letting me have sex with her.

But for me, who hadn't seen much of the world at the time, it was incredibly stimulating, especially the description of my mother's figure—full breasts and a plump bottom, the way her buttocks swayed was exactly like my mother's.

Without realizing it, I began to see the woman in the book as my own mother. Even after finishing the story, I was still wanting more, flipping through the pages searching for more stories about incestuous mother-son relationships. Unfortunately, the entire book only contained three or four such tales.

When I tried to read other types of stories, I couldn't get into them; the thrill of reading about incestuous mother-son relationships was gone. I just kept rereading those few stories, completely oblivious to the fact that it was time for school.

By the time I realized I had to go, at least ten minutes of class had already started. I ran to the classroom, thankfully because I'm usually well-behaved in class, and the teacher only said a few words to me before letting me sit down.

As soon as I sat down, Li Jun grinned mischievously and whispered to me, "How was it? Pretty good, right?"

"It's pretty good. I'll return it to you after school."

Li Jun was startled and exclaimed in surprise, "Really? You finished it so fast?"

I didn't want to tell him that I had only read the incest stories I liked and hadn't read the others, so I told him, "I only read a few good ones; the others weren't very interesting, so I didn't read them."

He started to ponder, probably thinking about how to make money off me again. He never expected that I would finish it in just one day.

After a while, he said, "Do you want to read anything else?"

"Others? Do you have any other books?"

"I have plenty of books. Do you have anything else that's even more interesting?"

"What is it?"

My curiosity was piqued once again.

"You know DVDs, right?"

Of course I knew about DVDs. Back then, only a few wealthy families could afford them, and I'd heard from the beginning that they could be used to watch pornographic discs.

But I couldn't possibly get my hands on either DVDs or pornographic discs, so I just listened and didn't think much of it.

Now, hearing Li Jun suddenly bring it up, it brought back those memories. I hadn't expected him to be able to get his hands on such things, but I remembered his family wasn't exactly wealthy.

So I asked him, "Do you have DVDs at home?"

He said, "I don't, but I know where I can find these things, and there are discs to watch. How about it, do you want to watch it?"

Having had the experience of paying to borrow books at noon, I knew he wasn't just giving it to me for free, so I asked him, "Does it cost money?"

He nodded.

I said, "How much?"

He gestured with three fingers, and I hesitated when I thought about how much it was—three cents.

He probably saw my hesitation and said, "Actually, you can use something else instead."

I asked him curiously, "What is it?"

He then started to act mysterious and told me he would tell me after school when no one was around.

Then he talked to me about the stories in the book, asking which ones I had read. Afraid he'd find out my secret, I just casually mentioned a few and then stopped talking.

It wasn't until after school that afternoon, and this time we didn't go too far, just somewhere not far from school, that we hid and started discussing substitutes.

"Actually, you can use your mom's things instead of money."

"My mom's things?"

Hearing his suggestion, I felt a little strange. What could my mom possibly have that could be a substitute? And if anything of my mom's was missing, she would definitely find out. I wouldn't dare do something like that.

"Anything is fine, underwear, bras, or socks."

When Li Jun mentioned these women's intimate items, I looked at him with a strange expression.

He explained, "These aren't what I want; it's what the guy with the DVDs specifically requested. He even said that if the items are good, he'll not only not charge me, he'll pay me."

At first, I thought I misheard—not only free, but he'd pay me.

Li Jun probably guessed what I was thinking and continued, "If he's satisfied, one or two dollars is no problem."

One or two dollars was a considerable sum back then, and I was tempted, but still hesitant.

At this point, Li Jun, who was standing next to me, started to encourage me, saying, "If you only take one item, your mom won't find out."

I thought about it and said I needed to go back and think about it, so I went back. Even

after my mom came back to cook and I took a shower and went to bed, I was still very uneasy.

Even in sixth grade, I still slept in the same room as my mom, but she no longer changed clothes in front of me without any hesitation as before. Every time she changed clothes, she would call me out.

When she finished showering and came in to sleep, I was still thinking about what Li Jun had said. Even with the light off, I couldn't fall asleep, so I sat up to get out of bed.

"What's wrong?"

my mother asked, seeing me suddenly sit up.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Why didn't you go earlier? You're always like this, never preparing beforehand. Turn on the light so you don't fall."

I did as my mother instructed, turning on the light and going out.

Actually, my real purpose wasn't to go to the bathroom, but to see if my mother had taken off her clothes after showering. And I actually found some!

A pair of red cotton panties, a pair of flesh-colored stockings, and a purple bra. They still felt warm in my hands. Excitedly, I brought the bra to my nose and inhaled deeply; it had a faint fragrance.

Because of the yellow storybook I'd read at noon, I started thinking about the story, and my penis started to get a little erect again.

I wanted to smell it a little longer, but my mom suddenly called me. Seeing that I hadn't finished, I quickly put the panties and bra away and went back to sleep.

As soon as I got into bed, my mom told me to lie down and go to sleep because I had to go to school the next day. But I was still distracted by the storybook and the bra I'd just seen, so I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was filled with the stories from the book and what my mom would look like wearing those bras. I didn't fall asleep until the middle of the night.

In the end, after thinking about it several times, I decided that stealing my mom's underwear to sell was too dangerous. Not only would I easily get caught, but I'd be in big trouble if that kid Li Jun used it to blackmail me later.

Back then, it was common for kids to gossip about whose mom had been slept with by so-and-so, or that whose mom was slutty. I didn't want my mom to be talked about like that.

Ever since I refused Li Jun's advances, his attitude towards me became much colder, and I was glad I refused.

Later, a secret circulated among us kids—well, it wasn't really a secret since everyone already knew, but it was only among us boys.

It was said that a boy in our class named Tian Xingteng had stolen his mom's underwear and was caught. Tian Xingteng didn't usually hang out with us; he was a bit dull, and you wouldn't guess he was the type to do something like that.

So when the rumor first came out, no one else believed it, but I was the only one who knew it might be true. During that time, I noticed Li Jun and Tian Xingteng were getting quite close, and I wondered how two people with such different personalities could get together.

Later, Li Jun stopped coming to school, supposedly dropping out, which further confirmed my suspicions. After that, it was said that Li Jun's family moved, and Tian Xingteng disappeared. Everyone just guessed that the rumors about Tian Xingteng might be true, which was why he left. But they couldn't possibly guess why Li Jun had moved away all of a sudden.

I was terrified by their affair, afraid that Li Jun might expose me too. So, during those days when rumors about them were rampant, I was worried about hearing my name in other people's conversations and also worried that Li Jun would come looking for me. My mental state was terrible.

My mother saw how listless I was and thought I was sick, so she took me to see a doctor. At the hospital, the doctor asked me a few questions and said that my sleep problems were caused by excessive stress. Because I was young, he didn't dare prescribe any sleeping pills, so he prescribed some medication to help me sleep.

My mom was quite puzzled at the time. I wasn't a particularly diligent student, so why was I so stressed at my age? She asked me, and since I couldn't think of any other excuse, I just blurted out that it was because final exams were coming up. My mom was very happy to hear that and patted my head, saying I had grown up and become sensible.

That evening, my mom brought out the medicine the doctor had prescribed and watched me take it, because she knew I didn't like taking medicine and was afraid of the bitter taste.

When it was time for me to sleep, she left the light on so she could watch me fall asleep first. This was a kind of maternal tenderness that I hadn't experienced in a long time since I grew up.

I don't know when I fell asleep; I just felt dizzy and then I saw a bright light, but it was blurry. I rubbed my eyes hard, but I still couldn't see clearly.

Then I came to a house. Inside, there was a large, old-fashioned wooden bucket, the kind the villagers usually used to hold rice. But now, a woman was sitting inside, naked.

My vision was only able to make out that she wasn't dressed; at certain points, it became blurry. When I looked at her face again, I could clearly see it was my mother. She was smiling at me with a particularly bright smile.

I had never seen that smile on her before. Suddenly, she splashed water from the bucket at me, but I didn't feel a thing. She smiled and waved to me, and I went over.

Somehow, her clothes disappeared. She told me to sit in the tub and bathe with her. I did as she instructed and sat in the wooden tub. She washed herself, while my eyes were fixed on her chest. My mother saw me and just smiled gently at me. I don't know where I got the courage, but I reached out to grab her.

Then, I woke up. The first thing I did when I woke up was to be incredibly clear-headed, my back was covered in cold sweat, and I remembered that beautiful dream, both real and unreal, very clearly.

The more I recalled the dream, the harder it was to distinguish between reality and illusion. I wonder if anyone else has ever had this feeling—knowing it was a dream, but thinking back on it, it feels incredibly real, as if it were real.

However, before I could even consider whether it was Zhuangzi dreaming of being a butterfly or the butterfly transforming into Zhuangzi, I realized that a hand above me was grasping something soft and spherical. The texture was unlike anything I had ever felt before; it felt incredibly comfortable.

Then it dawned on me that this object belonged to my mother, because she was sleeping right next to me. My mind immediately connected this to what I had touched.

I had read descriptions of breasts in novels before, describing them as exceptionally soft and comfortable to touch. I had only ever glimpsed them before when peeking at others showering or when my mother changed clothes as a child.

My breathing quickened instantly. I knew what I was doing was wrong; if my mother found out, I'd be in deep trouble. But I kept telling myself, "Just a little longer, just a little longer, I'll let go right away."

When I first realized my hand was touching my mother's breast, I was terrified, my hand stiffened, and I didn't dare move. I just left it there, covering it. After a while, seeing that my mother wasn't moving, a wicked voice kept hypnotizing me: "Just touch it, try it, it feels good, what's there to be afraid of?"

I increased the pressure slightly, and that little pressure was enough for me to feel the allure and elasticity of a woman's breast.

This was like an addiction; once you started, you'd want more. My hands began gently squeezing my mother's breasts, all the while watching her reaction, afraid she'd wake up. It was probably the most focused I'd ever been in my life.

After playing like this for a while, even bigger wicked thoughts began to arise. But these gentle touches couldn't extinguish the fire burning within me. I was probably already lost in desire, disregarding all consequences, only wanting greater pleasure. I started squeezing and kneading my mother's breasts harder, feeling like I was about to burst them.

What happened later confirmed my thoughts. I just grabbed her so hard that my mother, who was fast asleep, suddenly let out a faint groan. Although she groaned very softly, I was paying special attention to her condition at the time, and it was a quiet night, so it actually sounded quite loud.

At the time, I thought I was hurting her, that it was a painful cry, but now I realize it was hard to tell if the groan was from discomfort or pleasure. I was so terrified I didn't dare move, remaining there with my hand covering my mother's breast and my eyes fixed on her back.

When I saw her move slightly, I quickly closed my eyes, but didn't pull my hand away, and didn't dare move again. I don't understand how I was so mentally strong then; even now, I probably wouldn't react that quickly.

When my mother woke up, her breathing was different, which told me she was definitely awake, and it wasn't just a coincidence that she moved.

I kept my eyes closed for a few seconds, then my mother gently removed my hand from her breast and placed it softly beside me. Next, I heard what sounded like clothes being pulled, probably her adjusting her clothes.

The night returned to silence. Just when I thought it was over and was relieved that I hadn't been discovered, a hand lightly brushed across my penis.

I was startled, but reacted quickly, immediately recognizing my mother. I just couldn't understand what she was going to do.

Then, the next second, Mom gently tapped my penis through my panties with her fingers. Because I had just touched Mom's breasts, my penis was still erect—or rather, not really erect, at least not the hard kind an adult has; it was just a little swollen, and still relatively soft.

Mom, perhaps startled by my swollen penis, suddenly stopped tapping it with her fingers, and after a while, switched to rubbing it with a few fingers.

Although she used very gentle pressure, I felt an indescribable comfort all over my body, even more comfortable than the feeling I had when I touched her breasts.

Then, my mother seemed unsatisfied with just rubbing with a few fingers, and directly enveloped my penis with her entire palm. Her palm was very warm, and because she probably takes good care of herself, there were no calluses on her hands. My penis felt incredibly comfortable in her hands.

Her movements were very slow and gentle, and she would occasionally squeeze my penis with her palm. This feeling was like ascending to heaven, and I still savor it to this day, but I haven't experienced it with my girlfriend or wife since.

After playing with it for a while, my mother released my penis, adjusted her body, and went back to sleep. I, still feeling the pleasure from just now, also drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

When I woke up the next day, I found myself feeling unusually energetic. I felt a little embarrassed when I saw my mother, but she acted completely normal, making it impossible to imagine what she had done to me the night before.

A few days later, I finally confirmed with my classmates that Li Jun had left our village, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Later that night, whenever I wanted to feel my mother's soft breasts again, my heart would pound. I always felt that if I did, she would immediately find out, and I always wanted to wait until she was sound asleep before making my move.

But because I had been playing wildly outside all day, I was always very sleepy at night, and I would fall asleep while waiting, so I never succeeded again.

And so it went until the summer after graduating from sixth grade. It felt like the happiest vacation I'd ever had, because unlike now, we didn't have to choose schools. There was only one middle school in town, and all of us classmates were basically the same group after finishing elementary school, so there wasn't much difference.

My dad was coming home that summer too. I was always so happy when he came home from working away from home, because he always brought me delicious food and fun things.

But this year, I didn't have as much anticipation for his return.

We had planned to go kite flying with a few friends today, but because our leader, Dalin, had to help with chores at home, the rest of us lost interest and canceled the plans. I wandered around outside for a while, just as I was about to go home...

Just then, I saw my mother pushing her bicycle along the road, with a man beside her. I recognized him; he was a colleague of hers from the factory, and I called him Uncle Chen.

They were walking and laughing. When my father wasn't home, it was just my mother and me living together, and she would always try to avoid being bothered by men, afraid of being gossiped about in the village.

But Uncle Chen was an exception; I had seen him walking and talking with my mother several times before.

Suddenly, I saw Uncle Chen's hand seem to touch my mother's waist. Because of the distance, I wasn't sure if I saw it correctly. But then my mother seemed to glare at him before getting on her bike and riding away. He smiled at her retreating figure and also got on his bike and rode towards home.

When I got home, my mother was cooking, humming a little tune, looking very happy. I asked her when my father was coming back.

She smiled and looked at me, saying, "What? Missing your father? Wait a little longer, he'll be back in a few days."

I don't know why I asked her that question then; I just really hoped my father would come back at that time and drive Uncle Chen away.

About a week later, my dad finally came back from his trip. Just as I had hoped, he brought back lots of delicious food and fun toys for me. My mom scolded him a little, blaming him for spending money recklessly, but my dad just smiled and didn't say anything.

During dinner, he specifically asked about my studies, and my mom gave him a truthful report. My grades were just average, nothing special. My dad only said a few encouraging words without any blame, because in those days, finding a job mainly depended on connections.

When it was time to sleep that night, since there was only one room in the house, and my dad was back, I naturally couldn't sleep in the same bed as my mom anymore. So, we temporarily put together a small wooden board and two long benches to make a makeshift bed for me.

Because I was suddenly sleeping in a different bed, I, who usually fall asleep very easily, actually had insomnia. Actually, I was also anticipating something.

After being exposed to those erotic storybooks, I had begun to understand the secrets between adults, knowing that they always secretly did other things while sleeping, and that my dad, who hadn't been home for so long, must be working tirelessly through the night. Sure enough,

just as I expected, after pretending to be asleep for a short while, I heard my dad's voice.

"I think I'm asleep?"

"Go check on me."

My mom gestured for my dad to check if I was really asleep. Luckily, I was prepared; when my dad got out of bed and came to my side, he only saw me fast asleep.

"I've checked, he's asleep."

Then I heard my dad get into bed, the bed creaking. Back then, our bed was one of those wooden plank beds, and even the slightest movement would make a creaking sound.

"Be quiet, don't turn around and wake Chengcheng."

"Don't worry, kids aren't easy to wake."

My mom didn't say anything more after that.

Then I heard a kissing sound. Because I was already prepared, I lay on my side with my face towards them.

At that moment, I secretly opened my eyes a crack and peeked at the bed.

With the help of that meager moonlight, I could see fairly clearly that my father was passionately kissing my mother on top of him. They were covered by a thin sheet, which concealed their lower bodies, while their upper bodies were naked.

It was the first time in so many years that I had seen my mother's breasts. Under the moonlight, they appeared particularly white and round. Although they weren't particularly large, they were beautifully shaped. I only learned later that they were called "bamboo shoot breasts."

My dad kept my mom's tongue in his mouth, while his other hand kept kneading her breasts. I had secretly tried it before, so I knew how comfortable it felt.

Besides, I was so nervous back then that I didn't dare to use too much force. Now, seeing my dad shamelessly squeezing and kneading her breasts, constantly changing shape in his hands, a surge of anger welled up inside me.

Even if I managed to drive away Uncle Chen before, now there's my dad. Wouldn't I never be able to touch my mom's body again?

After a series of kisses, my dad released my mom's lips and chuckled as he reached down, touching her. I don't know what he touched, but my mom was startled—or rather, she sounded a little uncomfortable.

My dad's hand rummaged around under the sheet for a long time before finally emerging. His fingers, glistening in the moonlight, seemed to have been coated with honey.

Then it dawned on me—this was what they called "vaginal fluid" when a woman is in pleasure, as described in books. So, my mom had been moaning with pleasure, not being in pain from my dad's actions.

He held his fingers up to my mom's face, as if to let her smell them, but my mom turned her head away in embarrassment.

"I've been away from home for so long, have you been missing me? You've gotten so wet in such a short time."

My mom turned her head away and didn't say anything, but I could hear her rapid breathing. My dad, seeing that my mom didn't answer, persisted, taking out his fingers, which were covered in her vaginal fluid, and was about to put them in front of my mom's nose when my mom angrily pushed them away.

"You rascal, you're playing tricks on me as soon as you get back. If you don't hurry up and fix it, it'll be too late."

At this moment, my dad changed from his previous gentleness and suddenly became fierce.

"You'll find out whether it's okay or not in a moment. I'll make sure you can't get out of bed tomorrow."

After that, neither of them spoke again. My dad thrashed around under the sheets for a while, and with a thrust of his hips, my mom and he both let out a low moan.

Then the wooden bed started creaking and groaning. My mom patted my dad, telling him to be quiet, probably because she didn't want to wake me. But I thought he was being too rough and my mom couldn't take it anymore. She wouldn't listen and instead became even more aggressive.

My mom gritted her teeth and endured it, looking like she was in a lot of pain and couldn't even speak.

Their movements were rather simple, just man on top, woman on bottom, without any fancy moves or the variety described in books. They

went on like this mechanically for about ten minutes, and then with my dad's final, violent thrust, he stopped, panting heavily as he lay on top of my mom.

I got up a while later and took out some tissues from the cabinet next to me to wipe myself. After wiping myself a bit, my mother suddenly looked in my direction, which startled me so much that I immediately closed my eyes. I don't know if she saw me.

Then I heard someone get up, put on their shoes, and come to my bedside to gently cover me with the blanket.

I could tell from the scent of soap on her that it was my mother who got up. She then left the room, and I heard the sound of running water outside. She must have gone to wash up. She didn't come back for a while.

When she returned, my dad was already fast asleep, snoring away. My mom stood by the bed, sighed softly, and seemed lost in thought before finally lying down to sleep as well. I, however, kept replaying everything they had just done in my mind, and it took me ages to finally fall asleep.

My dad had been staying at home for over a month this time, but they hadn't secretly taken advantage of each other like last night many times. My mom didn't seem particularly happy about my dad's return; she seemed indifferent. It wasn't until my dad left again to work elsewhere that a hint of reluctance appeared on her face.

About a while after my dad left, I came home one day, and Uncle Chen, who worked at the same factory as my mom, was also there. He saw me and kindly asked about my grades, but I had a prejudice against him before and didn't like him much, so I just exchanged a few words and went back to my room. He stayed for a while and then left. After that, I never saw him come to my house again or come home from work with my mom until I was in the second year of junior high school. After that, my dad said he made a lot of money and our whole family moved to the county town, and we lost contact with him completely. After

moving to the county town, I realized how big the outside world was, and there were many things I had never seen before in my life. However, in a new environment, I couldn't keep in touch with my old friends as often, and I often became a bit withdrawn after school.

Fortunately, I made a new friend. He's my classmate, and I think we became good friends because we're in similar circumstances. His name is Su Wen, a very delicate name, and he's also quite delicate-looking. His personality is just like his appearance—a bit frail.

One day after school, I saw him being bullied by some students from other classes. I couldn't stand it and stepped in to help him. Kids in the countryside are usually quite mischievous, and fighting is commonplace. I easily chased those students away. That's how I truly got to know him. One of us had just arrived in the county town and didn't have many friends, while the other was timid and afraid to socialize. Two people in similar situations came together and became friends.

Su Wen's family was considered relatively wealthy, which was evident from his clothing, demeanor, and upbringing. Before coming to the county town, I often heard people in the village say that city people were snobbish, only befriending the rich, while the poor couldn't even get close to them. But after getting to know him, Su Wen was at least not like that. He genuinely treated me as a good friend, inviting me to his house for the weekend after only two weeks of knowing each other. I was already bored to death in this place, so I readily agreed. When I

first arrived at Su Wen's house, it was very clean and tidy, indicating that it was regularly cleaned. He was the only one home when I arrived.

"Are you alone at home?"

"Yes, my mom went to work."

I found this a bit odd. Why didn't he mention his father? I didn't see anyone else at home! But I'm all grown up now, and I know what I can and cannot ask others, so I kept it to myself.

Back then, the Famicom was very popular, but firstly, these game consoles were too expensive; only wealthy families could afford them. Secondly, there was a saying that these game consoles were like spiritual heroin, addictive and detrimental. So many parents specifically forbade their children from touching them, let alone buying them. This outdated thinking still lingers with that generation of parents to this day.

Surprisingly, Su Wen's house had one of these arcade games. I had once been to a secretly run arcade and was immediately captivated by its unprecedented fun, but the price per game was far too expensive. After a few visits, my allowance was insufficient.

Su Wen and I played games until noon. Then Su Wen told me he needed to buy lunch and that he could play by himself, so he went out. I played for a while longer, but after my character died, I felt a bit tired, so I stopped to rest and also got up to use the restroom.

As I pulled up my pants and came out of the bathroom, I glanced back at their balcony. A row of clothes was hanging there drying, including what appeared to be women's clothes and underwear. I don't know why, but suddenly a little flame ignited within me. When I thought about what I might do next, my mind went blank, and I found myself walking towards the balcony without thinking.

Those few steps made my heart pound. Looking at those black lace panties, I realized I'd never seen them on my mother before. "These must be Su Wen's mother's panties," I thought. "So sexy!"

Just as my hand was about to touch them, I heard the key turn in the door. I snapped back to reality and quickly went back to my room. Su Wen had just returned with takeout lunch.

"Why aren't you playing anymore?"

"Oh! I was a little tired, so I got up to walk around."

Su Wen didn't suspect my lie at all.

After lunch, I started to feel sleepy. I originally planned to rest for a while before getting up to play games, but before I knew it, I slept until after four in the afternoon.

Just as I was about to say goodbye to Su Wen and go home, his mother came back. He was a little surprised to see me. Su Wen then introduced me to his mother: "Mom, this is my classmate, Zhang Sicheng. Come to our house to play."

"Hello, Auntie, my name is Zhang Sicheng."

"Hello, welcome to our house."

Su Wen's mother wasn't particularly beautiful, but she had a very pleasing and charming look. I can't quite put my finger on it; maybe it was a kind of temperament!

"Are you going home already? Stay and have dinner before you leave!" Aunt Su tried to persuade me to stay for dinner, but perhaps because I felt guilty about what I had done earlier, I didn't want to stay any longer.

"No, Auntie, I should go home. It's so late, my mom will worry if I don't go back soon."

"Oh, okay, then Auntie won't keep you. Be careful on your way home, and come over anytime."

After some polite exchanges, I finally left Su Wen's house. After returning home, I found myself unable to stop thinking about Su Wen's mother. We had only met once, and we hadn't even exchanged a few words, so why did I feel so special for her? It was strange.

In the days that followed, I would go to Su Wen's house to play whenever I had free time. It wasn't always just playing games; sometimes I would take him out to play basketball. Otherwise, even if Aunt Su was very hospitable, she would probably find me annoying.

"Wen, your skills have improved a lot lately. You're almost

as good as me." "Hehe, that's all thanks to your excellent teaching!"

"Hey, call me 'Master,' am I that old?"

Ever since we started playing together, Su Wen seemed like a different person. He became more talkative, more lively, and bolder. His classmates could hardly recognize him as the timid, girl-like Wen from before.

After playing a game of basketball, I parted ways with Su Wen on the court, drenched in sweat. When I got home and was about to take a shower, I saw a pair of leather shoes at the front door. I was pretty sure they weren't my dad's shoes.

I didn't think much of it at the time and called out as usual, "Mom, I'm home." Immediately afterward, I heard a noise coming from my parents' bedroom. Before I could even wonder what was happening, the bedroom door opened.

"Chengcheng's back? Come on, come see your Uncle Chen. He just happened to be in the city on business and came to see us. He brought a lot of things with him."

To my surprise, Uncle Chen was also coming out of the bedroom with my mother. I hadn't seen him since my father came back that time. I didn't expect him to suddenly appear in my house today.

"Chengcheng has grown so much. I almost didn't recognize him. Do you still recognize Uncle Chen?"

"What are you talking about? How could you forget him? It hasn't been that long! Right, Chengcheng?"

Uncle Chen, who had his hair neatly combed, joked with me. Before I could say anything, my mother spoke up for him.

I felt something was off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I just felt inexplicably disgusted and repulsed by Uncle Chen. I gave them a few perfunctory words, told them I was going to take a shower, grabbed my clothes from my room, and went into the bathroom, ignoring them completely.

As I washed away the grime from the showerhead in the bathroom, my mind slowly regained its usual calm. The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. Why was Uncle Chen at my house all of a sudden? What was he doing with my mom in the bedroom? They could have chatted in the living room.

A sense of foreboding crept into my heart, and the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became. I didn't even feel like taking a shower; I just quickly dried myself off with a towel and prepared to leave. Just as I was about to open the door, I heard my mother's voice outside.

"Hurry up, Chengcheng will be out of the shower soon." My mother's voice sounded hurried and tense, as if she was feeling unwell; her tone had changed.

"Then can I come see you again in a few days?"

"No, you can't come anymore. This is an exception; otherwise, neither of us should live."

Uncle Chen hadn't expected my mother to be so resolute. After a few seconds of silence, "Okay, I understand. I... I'm leaving." Then I heard the sound of the door opening and closing; she must have left.

I stayed in the bathroom for a while before coming out. My mother's face showed no sign of distress; she was still making dinner for me as usual. But I knew she and Uncle Chen were definitely hiding something from me. Deep down, I

could vaguely guess what was going on, but I just didn't want to face it. I comforted myself by thinking that unless I saw it with my own eyes, it might not be true, and I was just overthinking things.

Later, Uncle Chen kept his promise to my mother and never came to our house again. My father's work also started to settle down, and he had more free time, no longer being away from home every few days like before.

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I was in my final year of junior high. In a few months, it would be the high school entrance exam, but for me, it wasn't that important. Because everyone else was working incredibly hard to get into a top high school, while I only needed to attend an ordinary one, the pressure wasn't as great. Su Wen, however, was different. He had excellent grades, consistently ranking among the top students in his class, and the teachers had high hopes for him.

My grades were only average, largely due to studying with him on weekends, which also made our families quite close. Later, I learned from my mother that Su Wen's father had divorced Aunt Su long ago, and now Aunt Su was raising Su Wen alone—a single-parent family.

It suddenly dawned on me then that Su Wen's withdrawn personality was undoubtedly related to his family background.

For a while afterward, I especially enjoyed going to Su Wen's house to play and study with him. The reason for this was that ever since Uncle Chen came to our house that day, a shadow had been cast over my heart. Although I didn't have direct evidence to prove that my mother and Uncle Chen were having an affair, this thought clung to the depths of my heart like a shadow that wouldn't go away.

Whenever I saw my mother chatting and laughing with my father, asking about my health and grades with concern, I would always think that everything about this woman was an act, that she was having an affair with another man behind my father's and my back. Just thinking about it made all her kindness immediately turn into dirty malice.

In the final months before the high school entrance exam, I often went to Su Wen's house to study with him. It wasn't that I planned to study hard to get into a top high school, but rather that someone I wanted to see there was Aunt Su.

Compared to my own mother, Su Wen's mother suddenly seemed incredibly admirable in my eyes. Her gentleness and kindness constantly warmed my heart. For a while, I longed to see her every single day. How wonderful it would be if she were my mother!

"Ding-dong...ding-dong..." I rang Su Wen's doorbell, and after a while, Aunt Su opened the door.

"Oh! Chengcheng's here. Wenwen isn't home today!"

What bad luck! I had originally planned to ask Su Wen some questions.

"Don't stand outside, come in quickly, he might not be back for a while."

I had originally planned to leave, but since Aunt Su said so, I pretended to be obedient and went into the house. This was one of the reasons I came here—to talk to her more and see her more.

"Here, have some water!"

"Don't bother, I can do it myself."

"You're still being so polite with Auntie, or Auntie will get angry."

Sometimes Aunt Su can act like a little girl, and it's probably because of this attitude that she looks much younger than other women her age.

"How's your studying going? Don't put too much pressure on yourself." Aunt Su handed me a glass of water.

"It's alright. I'm only so confident. I probably have no chance of getting into a top school, but I'm pretty sure I'll get into a regular high school."

"Hehe, you're such a playful kid. If you studied hard, with your brain, you wouldn't have trouble getting into a good high school."

"Then I'll just stay here. Sitting there all day, not moving at all, is really uncomfortable. I can't learn from Awen."

"Sigh, Awen has no choice. He doesn't like to play with people. He only goes to home and school. Luckily, he made you his friend, and he's become much bolder than before."

"That's good. I've also learned a lot from Awen. Otherwise, my grades would still be at the bottom of the class!"

"Oh! I forgot. I left my clothes outside and haven't brought them in yet. It's going to rain soon." As she spoke, Aunt Su immediately stood up from the sofa and walked to the balcony.

"In that case, Auntie, I'll head back now. I didn't bring an umbrella, and I won't be able to get back later."

"Wait! Finish your meal before you leave. What's the rush? I have an umbrella here. If you leave, I'll get angry."

I usually stay here to eat if I study late. This place has almost become my second home. My parents know I went to Su Wen's house, so they're not worried even if I go back a little late.

After making up my mind, I sat down comfortably and glanced unintentionally at the balcony. Auntie was collecting clothes there. I don't know if her clothes didn't fit or had shrunk, but when she raised her hand, the hem of her clothes rode up with the movement of her arm, revealing her snow-white and slender waist.

Although it was only from the side, I had long harbored an indescribable feeling for Aunt Su, a feeling that was both admiration and dependence, difficult to define.

"I'll go put the clothes away first, Chengcheng, take care of yourself!"

Just as Aunt Su was about to walk past me, she suddenly tripped over something, stumbled forward, and fell to the ground, scattering the clothes from the basket all over the floor.

"Auntie, are you alright? How are you?" I quickly helped her up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I was just walking carelessly, Auntie, I'm alright."

Seeing that she was alright, I breathed a sigh of relief and quickly helped her gather the clothes from the floor.

"Huh? What's this…" As I was taking the clothes from the floor back into the basket one by one, I suddenly discovered a purple thong, which left me completely bewildered.

In those days, thongs were considered very avant-garde underwear, and women with more traditional views generally found them difficult to accept. I never expected my aunt would buy one.

"Oh!" My aunt exclaimed in surprise when she saw me holding her private item. I was even more startled and didn't know what to do, so I quickly threw the thong into the basket, pretending nothing had happened, and hastily stuffed the rest of the items into the basket.

"Auntie, all done." When I handed the basket to Aunt Su, her eyes were fixed on the ground, avoiding my gaze. She gave a soft reply and quickly went to her room.

I couldn't stand being there any longer, so I yelled into the bedroom, "I'm going home now," and without waiting for Aunt Su's reaction, I rushed out the door.

For a long time afterward, I didn't dare go to Su Wen's house. When Su Wen asked me what was wrong, I could only make up excuses.

Not long after I learned that I had been accepted into high school, my parents also told me something: they were getting a divorce. I can't describe the situation and feelings at the time, I just felt that if this was a dream, I begged it to wake up! However, in the end, my father still left us and went to another city, leaving me, still in a daze and unable to believe the reality, and my mother, who was crying all the time.

I didn't ask about the specific reasons for their divorce at the time, but later I roughly guessed from some of my mother's words that it was probably related to that Uncle Chen. I don't know when my father found out about this; he endured it all until now before divorcing me, and I'm very grateful to him. I'm not sad at all that he did it; instead, I feel a sense of relief for him.

As for my mother, for a long time afterward, I hardly spoke to her. Except for meals and asking for money, I basically didn't see her.

Around my second year of high school, she told me she wanted to get married and had found an uncle. I directly asked her, "Is it that guy surnamed Chen?" She was stunned by my question. She probably didn't expect her secret to be known by her son!

Then she said, "So you knew all along," which further confirmed my suspicions from back then and the reasons for her divorce. She wanted to continue explaining, but I didn't listen. I turned around and went back to my room, leaving with the words, "If you want to get married, go ahead."

Not long after, my mother got married. The man wasn't that Uncle Chen; his surname was Yi. He came to see me once the day before the wedding. I didn't respond to his advances and just locked myself in my room.

After my mother got married, she went to live with Uncle Yi, only coming back on weekends. She would leave me plenty of money or come over to cook me a meal. My hatred for her grew daily. Seeing her living a happy and comfortable life now made me feel sorry for my father. I gradually stopped seeing her as my mother and started seeing her as a woman, a woman I both loved and hated.

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Those Years' Oedipus Diaries

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