Her thoughts

"Honey, let's not go home yet, let's go for a walk and eat out, okay?"

Xiaoying, sitting in the passenger seat, seemed very happy. Not being pregnant was a huge relief; she seemed to have returned to her

usual lively self.

"Okay, where should we go..." I felt relaxed too, because deep down I really didn't

want Xiaoying to be pregnant.

Xiaoying and I went to the park and then to the shopping street. Xiaoying seemed very excited; we hadn't gone

shopping in a long time. We'd been too busy with work, and it was really difficult for us to get time off for this hospital checkup.

Without all our worries, Xiaoying and I relaxed and enjoyed the moment. Before we knew it, it was

evening.

"Honey, let's not go home for dinner, let's eat out, okay? Let's go to the food street..."

Xiaoying said, still wanting more.

"Okay, but I should call Dad and tell him..." To be honest, because I was in a good mood today,

I had a big appetite, and it had been a long time since I'd had a proper meal.

I picked up the phone and told my father that Xiaoying and I wouldn't be eating at home that night. It was only when I

called my father

that I realized I'd been so excited since Xiaoying and I left the hospital that I'd forgotten to tell

him the results. And for some reason, he hadn't called to ask—perhaps

he lacked the courage. When I told him on the phone that Xiaoying wasn't pregnant at all, and it was all a false

alarm , my father fell silent for a long time on the other end. Finally, we said a few other things

and hung up.

Xiaoying and I drove around with our luggage, eventually arriving at a food street where we ate our fill,

trying a little of everything. Happy times always pass too quickly; by

the time we got home, it was almost midnight. Downstairs, Xiaoying and I had to carry all

our luggage back upstairs. By the time we reached the top, we were drenched in sweat and panting.

My father's bedroom door was closed; he was probably asleep. We quietly took all our luggage out and put it back in

its place . When we took off our clothes and lay down on the bed to rest, it was already past midnight. After a whole day of playing,

coupled with the stress of the past few days, I was very sleepy. Too exhausted, I refused Xiaoying's

advances that evening.

I slept soundly until dawn; I hadn't slept so well in a long time. Xiaoying got up early to prepare breakfast,

and my father also got up. He seemed to be in better spirits, though his eyes held a melancholy,

as if something was on his mind. Logically, my father should be happy that I wasn't pregnant, since

this involved the three of us. But something seemed off;

perhaps something happened while he was waiting for the results alone at home yesterday afternoon.

At work, during a little free time in the afternoon, out of concern for my father, I decided to check the security camera footage

to see what had happened at home yesterday.

I opened the video from yesterday afternoon, the timeline stopping after Xiaoying and I left with our luggage: In the video,

after seeing Xiaoying and me off, my father sat blankly on the sofa, lost in thought, as if

his soul had left his face. He only occasionally wiped the corner of his eye with his hand. His face was a mask of pain, regret, remorse, and

self-blame —almost every negative emotion played out on his features. I fast-forwarded through the video; my father

sat on the sofa for nearly an hour before dragging his weary body to his bedroom. Once there

, he pulled a large, heavy wooden box from the bed—the kind he'd never opened in ages

.

It was from when we moved here from the countryside

; I'd told him to throw it away then—it was too big, bulky, and took up too much space, but he'd always been reluctant.

He opened the box and took out a framed photograph. In the video, you could see it

was a black-and-white picture of my father and mother, framed in an old, worn frame. My father

stared the photo, tears streaming down his face. He slowly placed the frame on the bedside table,

then knelt down facing it. Yes, he knelt before his deceased wife, his eyes closed, weeping

as if in repentance. After closing his eyes for a while, my father began slapping himself repeatedly with both hands. The slaps were loud,

showing how hard he was hitting himself. I didn't count how many times he hit himself; just watching

him kneel and slap himself in the video left me with a heavy heart and a complex mix of emotions.

I don't know how many times he slapped himself, but finally his face was slightly red and swollen. My father

was somewhat numb, as if he had lost his soul. He stood up like a walking corpse and

walked . At this moment, my father seemed to be manipulated. What was he going to the kitchen for? I saw him slowly

walk to the kitchen and then pick up a kitchen knife from the knife rack… If I couldn't still see my father, I would have

thought he was going to commit suicide. After picking up the knife, I saw him take off his pajama bottoms and hold his

penis between his fingers. Was my father trying to cut off the root of all evil, preparing to castrate himself? After picking up the kitchen knife, Father

hesitated for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. Finally, he put the knife down and

took a hammer from a drawer under the kitchen cabinet…

Father must have been thinking that if he used the knife to cut off his penis, he would definitely end up in the hospital. How would he

explain that to me? How would he explain his self-castration to his son? Moreover, cutting off the penis with a knife could be extremely life-threatening if not

treated promptly. After weighing the pros and cons, Father abandoned the knife and chose

the hammer.

He placed his penis on a stool, then aimed the hammer at it. One

blow, even if it didn't shatter the penis, would be enough to damage the corpora cavernosa, rendering him permanently unable to achieve an erection.

He started. My father gritted his teeth, making up his mind, sweat beading on his forehead. At that

moment, I was extremely nervous. No matter what, I didn't want my father to harm

himself .

My father picked up and put down

the

hammer several times. Watching the video, I knew that if

he struck again, it would all be over. He would stop thinking about that kind of thing, stop succumbing

to Xiaoying's temptations, and stop being controlled by desire. But in the end, perhaps my father couldn't overcome his

inner fear and cowardice. He

finally

gave up. He put the hammer back down, then lay blankly on the bed,

holding the photo, and didn't get up again...

My father lay there until evening, lost in thought. Just then, I

called him to tell him I wouldn't be home for dinner and to share Xiaoying's test results. When he heard that Xiaoying

wasn't pregnant, my father seemed taken aback

. He hung up the phone in a daze, then stared blankly at his phone, a hint of relief, a bitter smile, and a touch of disappointment on his face. In short,

there wasn't much joy on his face.

When he heard that Xiaoying and I weren't coming home for dinner, he didn't leave his bedroom to cook; he just lay back down on

the bed. Occasionally he'd sit up, hugging his knees, sometimes he'd sit by the window looking out, sometimes he'd lie on his side, staring at the ceiling.

In short, his eyes were filled with thoughts and worries. What he was thinking, perhaps only

he himself knew. He didn't sleep until Xiaoying and I arrived home late at night. Hearing the door open

, he only instinctively turned his head to glance at the bedroom door before closing his eyes again.

After turning off the security camera, I was a little worried that he'd get up. Perhaps it was because of the last incident—once

bitten twice shy.

In the following days, everything seemed to return to normal. Xiaoying went to work every day and worked part-time as

a teacher, keeping herself very busy. Every day after work, my father and I would wait for half an hour for Xiaoying to come

home so we could have dinner together. Xiaoying and I seemed to have returned to our former selves; the family was laughing and chatting.

The only one who hadn't returned to normalcy was my father. He was always somewhat absent-minded, lost in thought.

Sometimes he would even eat in a daze, and when I spoke to him, he seemed not to hear me, his reactions were slow,

and I couldn't understand what he was thinking. I couldn't help but worry about my father's health. Could it be

a sign ? It shouldn't be; my father is not even six years old. How could he get Alzheimer's so early?

To keep a close eye on my father's behavior, fearing he might do something rash, I would check

the surveillance video from the daytime every night to see how he was doing at home. I saw that my father no longer watched TV, no longer went for walks, and

just sat at home all day, staring blankly at my mother's photo and the family photo on the sofa. Sometimes

his face would show struggle, as if he were making some difficult decision.

About a week later, Xiaoying and I came home from work. My father had prepared a

sumptuous dinner, all of his specialties. I was a little puzzled, trying to remember what day it was,

but neither the Gregorian nor the Lunar calendar showed anything special.

"Dad, what's up with today? You've made so many delicious dishes..." I looked at the table full of food;

could we possibly finish it all?

"Nothing, I'm just happy today. It's been a long time since our family has had a proper meal together. My health has

completely improved, and I just wanted to have a few drinks with you, it's that simple..." My father brought the last dish out of the kitchen and

placed it on the table.

"Alright, Dad, you're craving a drink, aren't you? After all, you've abstained from alcohol for so long. Let's

make an exception for

today ." I

sensed my father's unusual behavior that day, and to help him relax, I decided to let him break his abstinence tonight

. I felt he might have something to say to me.

Xiaoying sensed something was amiss. Hearing her father was about to drink, she opened her mouth to ask and stop him, but her red lips

parted and she ultimately remained silent. Lately, due to Xiaoying's work commitments,

she had almost no time alone with her father, so their interactions had been limited to normal everyday conversations. Moreover, Xiaoying seemed

to be reaffirming her promise, devoting all her time and energy to her husband during this period.

These past few days, Xiaoying and I had a passionate night of lovemaking. Xiaoying seemed very excited, in an

unusually good mood, and she frantically pleased me in bed, allowing me to enjoy my own private paradise.

At the dinner table, my father and I exchanged toasts, but his alcohol tolerance was far less than mine. Xiaoying also took a small

sip, and the family enjoyed a harmonious atmosphere, something we hadn't felt in a long time. My father seemed to have emerged from his pessimism;

he seemed to have endless things to say tonight, chatting about this family and that family. Although the meal was long,

he drank very little. Xiaoying ultimately didn't stop him from drinking, but she limited the amount.

"Jincheng, Xiaoying, I've been thinking a lot lately. Since your mother passed away, I've been single

all day, cooking for you and taking care of Haohao. I've been happy. But now you two are so busy with work

, and with work and bedtime, you only have 3 or 4 hours to spend with me.

And Haohao has been sent to our in-laws' house, so he doesn't need my care anymore. I have nothing to do all day, and I'm

so bored..." Towards the end of the meal, my father suddenly changed the subject and started talking about these things. But what my father said

was indeed true. He spends most of his time alone, rarely going out; he's a homebody

.

"So, Dad, what are you thinking..." Hearing my father say this, I couldn't help but feel a little confused, but my mind didn't quite process it for a

moment . I cautiously asked.

"You wanted to introduce me to someone before, but I didn't agree because your mother was taking care of Hao Hao.

Now that all those burdens are gone, it's time for me to find someone to spend the rest of my life with." Hearing my father say this,

I roughly knew what he was going to say. I unconsciously gripped my wine glass tighter, not knowing whether it was from excitement

or ...

"If you have someone suitable, please introduce me to someone. Find me a partner with good character. Also

, having a stranger in the house might disrupt your routines, so after I find a partner,

I plan to move out with her, preferably to the countryside or a place with beautiful scenery, to spend my later years in peace..." My father

took a small sip of wine and then spoke sincerely to Xiaoying and me. His gaze lingered on our faces

, and it was clear that he was speaking to us directly. I was

caught off guard I never expected him to make this decision, and judging from his expression,

he wasn't joking.

"Clang..." A glass shattered, and I turned to look.

Xiaoying, upon hearing her father's words, had dropped the glass, which slammed onto the table. She stared blankly at

him, and only after the wine spilled did she frantically rush to the kitchen to grab a rag to wipe it up. In that fleeting moment,

I saw the look in Xiaoying's eyes. Like me, she was utterly shocked by her father's decision,

her eyes filled with an unreadable emotion. In that instant, I sensed that the reason for Xiaoying's shock might be somewhat

different from mine…

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