Regret is a lifelong regret.

One day during recess, I stood on the balcony outside the classroom, idly gazing at the empty playground.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw her.

"Hey, my boyfriend said he doesn't like you and wants to beat you up." "You're so childish," I said lazily.

"He said you're so childish!" Wen Shunqing said to the man behind her.

"Tell him not to leave after school," the man said.

"Go ahead and hit him now!" I yelled.

Wen Shunqing laughed and stepped back, then the man rushed at me, grabbing my neck with one hand, almost making me fall off the building.

I pulled hard on his arm with my left hand and grabbed his groin with my right, squeezing with all my might!

The man doubled over in pain and fell to the ground. I kicked him hard in the head.

Then I looked at Wen Shunqing and saw her clapping and laughing.

I walked towards her and said in a low voice, "I used to just think you were annoying, but now I realize you're actually quite pathetic." "Pathetic? Haha..." she continued to laugh.

That day after school, I was surrounded by a group of thugs on the street. Wen Shunqing stepped out from the crowd and said fiercely,

"It's him. Whoever can beat him until he screams for help, I'll sleep with them." The thugs, with lewd grins, drew closer.

I was being beaten until I vomited yellow bile, but I didn't utter a word. Actually, this woman was really childish. If I had just yelled for help, she would have been beaten to a pulp. But for some reason, I just didn't want to scream.

Finally, as more people gathered, and it seemed someone called the police, the thugs left cursing.

She squatted down beside me and coldly asked, "What are you pretending to be a hero for? Why didn't you scream?" I lay on the ground, my whole body aching as if it were falling apart

. I barely managed to turn over, panting heavily, looking at the dim sky, and suddenly felt that I really was being a jerk. "Have you gone crazy from watching too many idol dramas? Or are you just naturally stupid?" I replied irritably.

"Is it any of your business? What's it to you?" she shouted, her fists pounding on my body like drums.

I curled up in pain, clutching my head and groaning, "Why are you hitting me if it's none of my business? I'll fuck your mother!" "All you know is fucking! What else do you know besides fucking? Go fuck your mother!" I heard a scream laced with sobs.

"Of course I know, you idiot, you can't just say you like someone, you just do whatever you want!" The fist stopped. I peeked out at her, and saw her face covered in tears, sobbing, "You know that, why are you still doing this to me?" "I don't like you, is that wrong?" I retorted.

"No!" She lunged forward and hugged me tightly.

Her hug hurt terribly, and I cried out, "Miss, can you be a little gentler? It hurts so much..." "No!" She firmly refused in my arms.

I could only shout, "Rape!"

Later, I analyzed this incident like this: Wen Shunqing, in order to uphold her "correctness," had distorted her humanity over the years, unknowingly becoming a kind of pervert.

And what was even more perverted was that she actually fell in love with me.

I was not from her world at all, she knew that very well. Perhaps, she simply wanted to escape her own twisted world.

To that end, she resorted to utterly perverse methods.

But in that summer of 1998, I showed her no sympathy whatsoever.

"Why don't you like me?"

"Why do you like me?" "I just like you."

"

Oh, I just don't like you."

"..." She stopped. I turned to look at her, seeing her head bowed, clutching her bag, looking like she was torn between two conflicting emotions. I ignored her and turned to leave.

Behind me came her trembling voice: "You want...that, I...can...give it to you..." I really wanted to, but I didn't want to get too deeply involved with her, so I tilted my head and said, "Don't be silly, even after we're done, I still won't like you." "You're lying!" She raised her head, staring intently at me, tears welling in her eyes.

Looking at her beautiful, tearful face, I felt a pang in my heart. At that moment, she possessed a poignant beauty I had never seen in her before, a beauty that caused a dull ache in my heart.

So I asked her, "Want to try?"

It was the last Saturday afternoon of August 1998.

I brought Wen Shunqing home and locked the door.

She was wearing a dark blue knee-length dress that day, her long hair casually tied back, her face flushed and radiant.

I suddenly felt incredibly lewd and said, flustered, "You'll regret this. Forget it." She didn't answer, gently put down her small bag, tiptoed off her sandals, and walked barefoot forward, then stared at me intently.

At that moment, she was beautiful, with a touch of stubbornness.

I lightly lifted her chin and whispered, "Really no regrets?" She tiptoed and kissed my lips, smiling sweetly, "There's nothing to regret. If you don't want me, I'll die right here." My heart skipped a beat.

Her hands went around my waist and slowly embraced me. The sweet, warm scent of the young girl made me dizzy, and I unconsciously reached out and gently hugged her.

We embraced silently for a long time. Then she looked up at me, her eyes glazed over. Sensing something, I kissed her.

She softened, her body relaxed, and she parted her lips slightly, letting me enter freely. As the kiss deepened, I finally lifted her up and laid her down on the bed.

She closed her eyes, refusing to look at me.

I parted her legs, lifted her skirt, and stared at her bare, snow-white thighs for a while, until she opened her eyes and asked shyly, "What's wrong?" I snapped out of my reverie, smiled awkwardly, and then moved my head between her legs. I smelled a faint feminine fragrance. Like a dog, I sniffed around between her legs, tickling her until she giggled.

"Stop, stop," she gasped.

I peered at her, and she stroked my face with both hands, softly saying, "Come on, I'm not afraid." I did as she said and removed her white panties.

What a smooth, hairless, beautiful vulva! For a moment, I was even a little dazzled. I licked it; it tasted slightly salty and sour.

Her hands pressed tightly against my forehead, and she said in extreme distress, "No, it's so embarrassing... Come on top of me." I had no choice but to climb on top of her, rubbing my hard penis against her smooth vulva and kissing her.

She writhed and moaned as I rubbed her. I loosened my waistband, pulled off my trousers and underwear, and a thick, fleshy penis struck her plump vulva, slippery and wet.

I peeled off her dress from above, unhooked her white bra, and, with one hand on each nipple, began to bite them.

Her erect nipples were as red as blood, her smooth breasts as white as snow; her body was truly exquisite.

But what about her spirit?

Why did I have this strange feeling of abusing a mentally ill person?

I was confused. In this confusion, my throbbing penis finally slipped into a hollow, and with a little force, it entered her body smoothly.

Without any resistance.

The insertion brought a deep sigh of pleasure to her. Her half-closed eyes seemed to hold a certain fascination with desire. I thrust into her vagina, sometimes lightly, sometimes heavily, savoring every sensation.

But her increasingly rapid moans seemed to urge me on, faster, faster. I involuntarily increased my speed and force. Finally, I couldn't hold back any longer, and my thick semen shot out.

She trembled, her limbs tightly wrapped around my body, a tightness that made me wince in pain.

Afterwards, I watched her carefully clean herself, and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, I accidentally ejaculated inside." She smiled at me but remained silent. Lying on the bed, I suddenly felt incredibly agitated.

When she finally finished cleaning, she lay naked on top of me, murmuring, "Wensheng, do you like me?" "No," I said sullenly.

Her hand tightened, gripping my chest muscles with a dull ache. She asked repeatedly, "Why? Why?" "No reason, we're incompatible, I can't like you."

She slowly sat up, saying coldly, "You're so cruel."

I replied coldly, "It's alright."

That day, Wen Shunqing left with resentment, and then jumped from the roof of her house.

She died.

When the news arrived, I stared blankly at the blue sky outside the window for a long, long time.

Three days later, I found that letter in the drawer.

Fang Wensheng:

Tomorrow, I will gamble my life.

Because, besides that, I have nothing left to gamble with.

Perhaps, there is one more thing, and that is my love for you.

You always ask me, with a puzzled look, why I fell in love with you. But if love could be explained, it wouldn't be love anymore.

Everything happened without me even realizing it.

From childhood to adulthood, I've always been a good child. To uphold that, I've sacrificed so much. And the only mistake I made was falling in love with you.

I once wrote you a love letter, but before I could hand it to you, the teacher found it. I was terrified; he threatened to publish the letter if I didn't do as he said.

From childhood to adulthood, I've always been a good child.

I didn't have the courage to rebel, so I could only be a good child again and again.

But every time, I couldn't help but think of you. How I wish it were you holding me.

Perhaps, it was in those repeated acts of defilement that Wen Shunqing's personality finally became completely and utterly corrupted.

That day, you went to the infirmary alone. I struggled internally for a long time before finally convincing myself that I had to tell you how much I loved you.

But what I saw outside the infirmary was...you kissing another woman.

I never knew I could feel such heartache.

The next day, you skipped class, and I guessed you were going to see her. I told myself not to think about you anymore, not to think about you anymore.

But I couldn't. I couldn't help it; I still couldn't help going to see you.

I hate myself so much...I hate you so much. Why couldn't you...why couldn't you just look at me properly?

When a woman's mind turns dark, she's capable of all sorts of twisted and childish things.

Anyway, that idiotic, obedient boy, Wen Shunqing, was already rotten.

But I just didn't want you to pity me! But

you'd rather be beaten until you vomited than cry out "Help!" My heart was filled with a mixture of joy, shock, shame, and sorrow.

At that moment, I couldn't help but foolishly hope that you still loved me after all.

But you refused to admit it. You refused to admit it even in death.

So I wavered. My fragile nerves couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted an end. I was

willing to gamble my life, gamble my love.

It was either all or nothing.

Anyway, that poor, obedient girl, Wen Shunqing, had already broken down.

If I had to die, I would choose to die at your hands.

To make you regret it for the rest of your life.

August 28, 1998.

************ After barely finishing reading that letter, I finally had a heart attack and was hospitalized.

I was discharged eight months later. The old doctor there said that if I had another attack, I would die. As it turned out, he was overthinking it. After that, I never felt that truly heart-wrenching excitement again. In a way, my heart died in the summer of 1998. It died along with that poor madman. Perhaps, in the end, I did love her, even if only a little. But back then, I just kept stubbornly insisting that she would never be the woman I loved. How ridiculous. Now, I'm very curious: when will this heartless shell finally become useless? [The End]

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Regret is a lifelong regret.

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