I cannot have what I desire; alas...

Some things (like swapping and having a third partner) can only be thought about and acted upon intensely in special circumstances. But once those external conditions are removed, trying to actually do it becomes incredibly difficult.
I love my wife very much; she's only 26, about ten years younger than me. In terms of appearance, based on my extensive experience with people, she's definitely above average. She has fair and even skin, a slight baby fat, but at first glance, most people would say she has a very wealthy look. Perhaps my thoughts are too extreme, because although I've brought it up recently, she always remains hesitant. Occasionally, in the right atmosphere, she'll hesitate slightly, but her expression is always like a child's longing for a toy coupled with a fear of approaching it, making me reluctant to push her further. Besides, these things require complete psychological acceptance.
Recently, a few people have added me on social media, and we've exchanged photos when things are going well. I communicate with them openly, without reservations, concealment, or exaggeration. In this process, it's always reasonable to expect both parties to be roughly equal in terms of appearance; isn't the goal simply to have a pleasant experience? The outcomes have all been rather disappointing.
Sometimes it's just a fleeting thought, a desire to experience this feeling. My wife hasn't officially agreed verbally yet, so I desperately want to find a partner or couple with exceptional qualities to have this first experience with. Based on my current interactions, I'm quite disappointed. The reasons for this disappointment are varied, but the main reason is probably that my expectations were set too high. Everywhere I look, there's desolation, tears, and a pitiful sight—alas, what I long for is unattainable…

My requirements are: a healthy, clean, energetic, high-quality lifestyle (not just material), well-mannered, with a good physique, and a certain level of education—a single man or couple (couples are not acceptable).

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I cannot have what I desire; alas...

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