What happened in the days before and after discovering a man's infidelity

The events of the days before and after my husband's infidelity...
(This is a reposted article; it's heartbreaking to read, and I don't know how to judge it. I hope friends in 69 Paradise will be prepared before participating in the game, otherwise, the damage will be immense.) It's been
exactly three days since I confirmed his infidelity, and I never dreamed that such a dramatic thing would happen in these short three days. On Friday the 7th, my husband picked me up from work as usual. We happened to see a chestnut vendor downstairs, and I really wanted some, so I begged him to buy me some. That day, my husband acted strangely, shaking off my hand and looking embarrassed. I thought he was afraid of seeing acquaintances at my company entrance and even teased him about when he learned to be shy. That evening, he went online, and I watched TV with my in-laws in the living room. On my way to the bathroom, I glanced at him, and a sentence jumped out at me: "I want to eat chestnuts too, and I want to eat you too!" It's hard to describe how I felt at that moment; my heart was pounding. When I got to the bathroom, I tried to calm myself down. It was a long time before my mother-in-law called me, and I finally managed to compose myself before coming out. He was still online when his mother scolded him. He mumbled something, and about ten minutes later, he came out to watch TV. He sat next to me and pinched me, grinning. After a while, my father-in-law and husband started talking about work. Seeing how well they were getting along, I suddenly remembered my husband's chat with that person. I excused myself to change clothes, went to my room, and locked the door. My husband heard the lock and shouted, "Why did you lock the door? We're an old married couple!" The computer was still on, and my heart was pounding. My husband's QQ was also open. I scrolled through my recent contacts, one by one. One person was named "Purple Lemon Cake" (hereinafter referred to as Purple). The profile picture was already dark. After reading just a few messages, I confirmed my suspicions. Here is the chat history: Husband: You're out of your mind, confirmed! Purple: I am, my body is full of water too! Husband: Let me feel. Purple: Get lost. Husband: Don't be so silly in the future, understand? Purple: What's wrong? Are you afraid I'll hurt ** (my name)? Feeling sorry for her? Ha… Husband: Don't say that, you know how hard it is for me. Zi: I know, I just wanted to see what she looks like. Husband: You almost scared me to death today, you know? Zi: I don't care, you bought her chestnuts today, I want some too! Husband: I'll give you as many as you want. Zi: Hehe, what about you? Husband: COME ON. Who cares about the chestnuts. Zi: I want chestnuts too, and I want you too! … A dizzying sensation. My husband called my name several times during this time, probably telling me to come out quickly. I guess he was afraid I would see his chat history. I deliberately opened and closed the wardrobe, but tears kept falling. I hadn't removed my makeup yet, and I was afraid of ruining it, so I just let the tears fall vertically. I've been married to my husband for three years, and our relationship has always been very, very good. I've never doubted him, and my in-laws also like me very much. I felt that this kind of thing would never happen to me, but suddenly, it happened, and judging from their chat history, they had a relationship. I still can't quite believe it. My husband kept calling me, knocking on the door. I quickly calmed myself down, changed my clothes, and came out. They didn't notice anything different about me. Everyone was watching TV; it was a rerun of Zhao Benshan's skit. My in-laws and he were laughing happily, and I laughed along, but my heart was pounding. That night, I went to bed as if nothing had happened. After he finished washing up, he came to bed, hugged me, said goodnight, and fell asleep. I tried to hold back my heartache, telling myself over and over that I had to be patient, that I couldn't lose my temper at my in-laws' house, but my body kept shaking. My husband probably noticed something and hugged me from behind, asking what was wrong. He touched the pillow and found it was wet, so he turned on the light and asked me with concern. I desperately tried to hold it in, saying nothing, just that I had some unpleasant things happen at work that day, biting my lip hard as I trembled. He panicked, hugging me and asking me repeatedly what was wrong. Just then, the phone rang. My mother-in-law was in the kitchen (both my in-laws have a habit of staying up late) getting hot water for my father-in-law to wash his feet. I went to answer the phone, but before I could even pick it up, it was hung up. My father-in-law came out and told me to go to bed quickly. I was only wearing a thin shirt, and I kept muttering about why someone was calling so late. My husband also came out and said it was probably a wrong number. Then, his cell phone, which was in the living room, rang. My mother-in-law also came out of the kitchen and said, "You're always so busy, and you still get calls at this hour." My husband went in to answer the phone, his voice very low so I couldn't hear him clearly. My father-in-law stood in the doorway and said, "Go to sleep quickly, or you won't be able to get up tomorrow morning." At that moment, I suddenly really didn't want to go in. Usually, I would never care who was calling him at this time, but today I suddenly felt that it was that Zi who was calling. I pretended not to hear anything and went into the room. My husband said, "Stop making a fuss, I'm turning off my phone." Then he turned off his phone. He told me that he had a small conflict with his subordinates at work and then told me to go to sleep. I stared at him, suddenly feeling like a complete stranger. Images of him flashed through my mind, and tears streamed down my face. I asked, "Who is Zi Ning Gao?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I felt I should have known everything, at least taken some control of the situation. But it was too late; the words were already out. My husband paused, then fell silent. It was March, and the night was still cold. I stood there helplessly in my thin clothes, as if I were the one who had cheated, not him. Then he said something that almost broke me. After a sigh, he said, "You know everything." Even though I already knew, seeing him admit it made me completely collapse.
I've almost forgotten what happened after that. I didn't sleep a wink that night. He kept explaining that it was just a one-night stand with that woman, and that she was just clinging to him. I put on a down coat and sat on the sofa, just watching him explain and explain. When he got tired of explaining, he went to the kitchen to get some water. Looking at the cup he was drinking from, I suddenly felt disgusted. It was a thermos I'd given him for Chinese New Year. I thought it was really pretty, so I bought it for him. Now, I felt that when his lips, which had kissed another woman, touched the cup, it was defiled. It was past midnight when I calmed down and said that my in-laws were home and I didn't want to get involved in anything else. I asked him to let me calm down. So, I went to work early the next morning. I made porridge for the family and left. Actually, there wasn't much to do at work, but I guess I wanted to escape, so I volunteered to work overtime. I didn't receive a call from him all day. I had no appetite at noon. Through the window, I could still see the chestnut vendor downstairs. I felt a surge of fear because that woman had been there on Friday afternoon, watching my life from some hidden corner. I instinctively looked back, and it felt like there was a woman behind me, ready to strangle me when I wasn't looking. That evening, I stayed at a friend's house, not wanting to go home. Around nine o'clock, my mother-in-law called, asking when I was coming home so she could bring some cigarette holders up for my father-in-law. I said I'd be home later. She then told my husband to pick me up, as it wasn't safe to be out too late. Sure enough, ten minutes later, my husband called, telling me to come home and asking where I was. I gave him the address and waited for him. He arrived quickly in his car. Seeing that familiar white Buick, I suddenly felt reluctant to get in. I wondered if that woman had ridden in this car before, or even done something in it. The nagging fantasies were unbearable. I stood in front of the car door, lost in thought. He came over and hugged me tightly, saying, "Don't be like this. Don't say anything. Let's talk when we get home." Tears welled up uncontrollably. I coldly pushed him away and got into the car. Everyone was silent in the car for a while. When we arrived at my building, he parked but didn't get out. Suddenly, he said, "I've confronted her. We've broken up. I won't be with her again. Please forgive me. I was really wrong." Hearing this, I didn't feel much. I just felt like, how could things have turned out this way? I was like a fool, kept in the dark. When did they start? How many times did they have sex? Details like these popped into my head. I ignored him and went straight upstairs. That night, I developed a fever and slept fitfully until early the next morning. Then, a dramatic scene unfolded, one that still leaves me speechless. Yesterday morning, while I was still sleeping, my husband discovered I had a fever. He took my temperature and was shocked—39°C! He immediately got up and frantically searched for medicine. My in-laws were also up, complaining that my husband hadn't taken good care of me these past few days, letting me get sick, while they also went to find fever reducers. Unable to find my husband, I went downstairs to buy medicine. My mother-in-law sat by my bedside, looking at me with concern, saying I was working too hard. I felt a pang of sadness too, seeing her worried face, and comforted her, saying it wasn't a big deal. My husband's phone rang several times, all text message tones, which I ignored. Finally, it rang directly. My mother-in-law said it might be someone calling and asked me to answer. I took the phone and saw a male client's name. I recognized him; my husband often mentioned him—a close business client. I answered without thinking. Before I could speak, I heard a woman's voice say, "Please come down and let me see you one last time, just one last time, please?" I immediately understood what was happening and was momentarily stunned. My husband's phone was on speakerphone, and my mother-in-law heard it too. The two of us stared at each other blankly for a while. Tears streamed down my face. I softly said to the woman on the other end, "Hello, I'm his wife." She didn't say anything and hung up. Just then, my husband came in. Looking at the two of us, he seemed flustered and stood there awkwardly. I handed him his phone and said, "Someone just called, I answered it for you." My husband glanced at his phone, quickly looked at it, and then stopped looking. We were all in an awkward situation. My father-in-law came in with hot water and asked, surprised, "What's wrong?" My husband said he was going downstairs. My mother-in-law seemed to understand something and said angrily, "If you dare go downstairs, don't come home!" The atmosphere in the house was tense. My husband stood there stiffly, my father-in-law didn't know what was going on, and my mother-in-law went back to her room, seemingly crying. I sat on the bed, silently shedding tears. My husband said, "Did you tell Mom what happened?" I didn't say anything. In fact, I didn't say anything. My mother-in-law is a very smart person; she knew what had happened. I'm so grateful to her. I should mention that my mother-in-law is a very open-minded and kind woman; she treats me like her own daughter. Just then, the doorbell rang. My father-in-law went to answer the door and told my husband that someone had come to see us. The woman had come. My husband went out of the room, and my mother-in-law came out too. There was a moment of silence, then suddenly I heard the woman burst into tears, wailing and saying a lot of things. The gist of it was that she was sorry, she didn't know my parents were home, but now that she was here, she wanted to make things clear: she was pregnant, she was so sorry, so very sorry. I sat on the bed, my chest heaving. Things happened so fast. Today is Monday, and I went to work as usual. Last night I went to the hospital for an IV drip, and my mother-in-law stayed with me the whole time, constantly crying and saying how terrible it was. Everyone in the infusion room was staring at us. To an outsider, they might have thought we were a mother and daughter going through a difficult time together, but who could have imagined it? I felt strangely calm; perhaps it's because after enduring a certain level of pain, one becomes somewhat numb. I haven't called to ask how my husband is doing, but he's been texting me all day. Here are some examples: "Baby, I don't know if I can still call you that. The only thing I want to say now is that I'm so sorry, so, so, so really, please forgive me..." "Are you feeling better? Does your head still hurt? Remember to eat lunch. Don't go to work while you're sick, okay? Let Mom take care of you. I miss you so much, even though I don't have the right to miss you now..." "I've thought about it for a long time, and I really deserve to die. Why did I do such a thing?" "Suddenly I'm so afraid of losing you. Don't do this, I can't do this, please forgive me..." I haven't replied to any of them. My current thought is to try to calm myself down and get better; it's so easy to get sick in spring. I'm off work now, but I don't know if I should go home. What should I do? All I know right now is this: that woman (let's call her Zi) is my husband's (let's call him H, it suddenly feels awkward to call him husband) college classmate, the male client he often mentions as someone he has a good relationship with and a lot of business with—thinking about this makes me laugh. He actually used a male name in his phone to represent her, and they talked on the phone every day, yet I trusted him completely without suspicion. This Zi is currently single; she broke up with her boyfriend recently. She's from Anyang, Henan, and is two months pregnant with my husband's child. That's all I know. I've mostly calmed down now, trying to control myself from crying and making a scene, because that would be really ungentlemanly. But my mind is in turmoil, and I have a constant feeling of unease. I just can't understand why he didn't act like that before. I believe he broke up with her immediately after the affair was exposed, perhaps on the 8th. Then Zi couldn't take it anymore and came to my building on the 9th to see him, but I answered the phone. She then decided to give up and went upstairs to find H, only to find that her parents were also home. I'm still so confused, what should I do? I've always thought he was a good person; everyone around him speaks highly of him. They all say he's very loyal, cheerful, optimistic, and intelligent. We're from the same hometown and have known each other since childhood, but our relationship only blossomed much later. Our parents know each other well, we dated for three years, and have been married for so many years, but I really don't understand how this could happen. I can't figure it out. I'm an only child, but definitely not the spoiled type. My parents were very strict with me growing up. I always had good grades, skipped a grade, graduated from a good university in Shanghai, and now work for a fairly well-known state-owned enterprise. I was also one of the most attractive girls in my class. You could say I'm not lacking in qualities. Now I just want to know what made him cheat on me. Was it because I didn't care enough about him? But I can't figure it out no matter how much I think about it. We've been doing very well for so long, without any problems. I have to admire his ability to juggle two relationships; he's truly a highly intelligent person. He just texted me:"In my heart, your place is irreplaceable. You are my good wife, my life partner. Give me time to sort things out. I just hope you won't reject me. Seeing your cold face, I almost broke down." I felt I wasn't just almost, I had already broken down. That evening, I didn't let him pick me up from work; I took the subway home myself. He usually picks me up from get off work, so I rarely take the subway. My workplace is in Xujiahui, and the subway ride takes about 40 minutes. Looking at the crowded train, with many couples, I suddenly wondered how many of them were legitimate, and how many were having affairs… My head was about to explode. He was home too, arriving earlier than me. When I walked in, he was sitting on the sofa in the living room smoking. My father-in-law immediately greeted me, saying, "You're back." But he just sat there, glanced at me, and didn't react. My father-in-law cursed a few times, something I didn't quite catch, but something like, "Why didn't you greet me when I came home? What are you pretending for?" My mother-in-law was sleeping in her room. When she heard me come in, she called me in and said something at length that brought tears to my eyes. She said a lot, but her points were very clear. The gist was this: 1. No matter what, it was his fault this time, and she said she would stand firmly by my side. She said if H didn't want me to be with that woman, she would disown him as her son, and would never accept that woman as her daughter-in-law. I am her only daughter-in-law, her only daughter. 2. She hoped I could focus on recovering and not do anything rash during this time. 3. She hoped I wouldn't tell my parents for the time being, because she felt ashamed that such a thing had happened to her son. Most importantly, she hoped I would forgive him this once. I cried when she said the first point, because no matter what, I believed her words came from the bottom of her heart. Her words truly moved me as her daughter-in-law. She cried at the last point, saying she had failed in raising her son, and didn't know how she could have given birth to such a wicked child who had done such a shameless thing and gotten the other woman pregnant. I told my mother, "Don't be angry, don't hurt yourself. Maybe I didn't realize the pressure he was under at work, and that his mind was wandering. No matter what, he's still your son. I can live without this husband, but you can't live without this son." My mother-in-law wiped away her tears. After returning to my room, I turned on my computer. The desktop wallpaper was still a photo of us in Xiamen last year, and I found it particularly ridiculous that he was flirting with another woman on such a desktop background… He had just texted me saying: "I'm sleeping in the small room tonight. Please, make sure you're well covered up and don't catch a cold. Call me if anything happens. My phone won't be off all night. I'll be waiting for you…" I remembered that during the Spring Festival this year, he went to pick up my parents to come home for the holiday. My nephew was also there. In the car, he answered a call from that "client with lots of business," saying: "Let's go to a hot spring together after the New Year." He even deliberately asked if I wanted to come along, knowing I would be very busy after the holiday. I said I wouldn't go and that they could go by themselves, and I even laughed and said I wanted to spend time with my parents. He went out overnight on the eighth day of the Lunar New Year, saying he was soaking in a hot spring and discussing business with clients. Now I know they spent the night together... It breaks my heart just thinking about it. Zi said she's two months pregnant, and it's March now, so it must have been around January that they had sex more than once, even more... It gives me a headache. How could this happen? My husband and I have known each other since childhood, from the same district. But we weren't very close. I just knew he was someone I went to elementary school with. He was the head of the school's broadcasting station, which basically meant reading a script after two classes. My aunt was a monitor in the broadcasting room, so I often went there to play and would see him intently reading his script. His voice was very nice; I remember my aunt later recalling that his voice had "a kind of penetrating power"... I don't know if this counts as an unconventional childhood sweetheart relationship, but we really started dating when he graduated from university. I was a year below him, in a different school. I don't know how we fell in love. We both went to the same city for university, and I would spend every winter and summer vacation with him. That's how I fell in love. During that time, he was just starting his job search, and everything was going poorly for him. I helped him find an apartment, slept on the floor, and went to his rented room every weekend. I can still recite the bus stops along the route from school to his house. Back then, he was very optimistic, believing that hard work pays off and everything would get better. He's a very smart guy, quick-witted, with a great business sense, and very loyal. He's the kind of person who doesn't study much, only plays around on small tests and then plays even more on big ones, yet still manages to rank around tenth in his class. He was the same way at work, very caring towards me. Actually, we both had previous partners before we fell in love, but we broke up for various reasons. We both tacitly avoid mentioning this, feeling grateful to those people from the past for shaping the people we are now who deeply love each other. Thinking about it now feels a bit like a lifetime ago. We've had a great marriage, and my parents and in-laws get along very well. We're both in the early stages of our careers, and although things are going well, we plan to have a child in two years. We've mentioned it a few times, but we both feel we're still young and not ready for children. That Zi was his college classmate, but I don't know the specifics. He said she was a very innocent girl, and an only child. He didn't expect her to get pregnant this time, saying he'd wanted to get rid of her for a long time but couldn't bring himself to do it. He said it was the last time, so they didn't use protection, thinking she'd take emergency contraception. But I don't want to believe it, because I feel that if it was the last time, he wouldn't be making those kinds of lighthearted jokes with her on QQ. He sounded very loving and guilty. I chuckled. Now I'm basically able to calm down a little. I want to talk to him tonight; I just want to confirm one thing: does he love me or her? But even if he says he loves me, what can I do? Can I forgive him? There's a song by Stefanie Sun with the lyrics: "There's a kind of courage called forgiveness." Thinking about this makes me want to cry. This is our conversation just now. 2008-03-11 11:04:09 Husband, are you there? 2008-03-11 11:09:08 fairier: Mm. 2008-03-11 11:09:27: Honey, where are you? 2008-03-11 11:09:31 fairier: At work. 2008-03-11 11:09:37: Honey, have you eaten? 2008-03-11 11:09:55: Honey, are you feeling alright? Remember to take your medicine. 2008-03-11 11:10:07 fairier: Mm. 2008-03-11 11:10:44: Honey, can I say sorry? 2008-03-11 11:10:48: Honey, I knew you'd find out sooner or later, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. 2008-03-11 11:10:59 fairier I just want to ask one question: Do you love her? 2008-03-11 11:11:03 Husband, it's not love. 2008-03-11 11:11:12 Husband, I don't love her. 2008-03-11 11:11:19 fairier So that means there's still a little bit of liking, there are always feelings, right? I don't want to ask so clearly, I just want to know. 2008-03-11 11:11:32 Husband, don't be like this. You know that the only place in my heart is still reserved for you, it was in the past, it is today, and it will be in the future. 2008-03-11 11:11:54 fairier Besides that one and only place, you still reserve a place for others. I have to be on equal footing with others, enjoying the same man. That's not the rule, you're wrong. 2008-03-11 11:13:03 My husband is too naive and too extreme. I can't just stand by and watch him die. The child is innocent. 2008-03-11 11:13:21 fairier, you still want to give birth to the child? 2008-03-11 11:13:26. Husband, I'm also very confused right now, but I'll try to persuade her to abort the child. The child can't be born, but she insists on having it. 2008-03-11 11:13:40 fairier I don't want to hear any of this. I'll trust you this once. Come back to me when you've resolved this. I'll come home when you've resolved this. I don't want to see you, or anyone else. 2008-03-11 11:14:06 Husband, please don't be like this. I'm in so much pain. Give me time. I remember he once asked me what we would do if we both met someone we couldn't control after marriage. I laughed and told him then, "If you have an affair with another woman, I'll kick you to the curb. I won't give you any money, the house, the car, or the children. I'll make sure you never see me again." I really have that impulse now. Many friends ask me what I want now. Thinking about it calmly, what I want is that feeling of mutual trust and love we had before, but I know that feeling is definitely gone forever. Regardless of whether he and she have feelings for each other, I'm putting those questions aside for now. Although he hasn't admitted it outright, I know they definitely have feelings for each other. That's what chills me to the bone—why couldn't I see it before? Is he too cunning, or am I too naive? I'm not going home for the next few days; I'll stay at a close friend's house for a couple of days. He can come see me when he's resolved things. He and his father just called me. My mother-in-law is sick; she has a heart condition. I told her, "Right now, I just want one thing from you. Hand over your decisiveness at work and give me an answer, whatever it may be. I don't want to concern myself with anything else." Honestly, I want a divorce. But that word is too heavy. Isn't it irrational? What should I do? Here, I suddenly feel like sharing a past relationship of mine. In college, I loved a professor who had a wife and a three-year-old daughter. But I never told him. I knew such love was doomed, and I couldn't betray my conscience to break up another family. I'm a very devoted person when it comes to relationships. During that time, I only wanted to like him, but I restrained myself from doing anything extra. That teacher was also very kind to me; he always wrote a lot of comments on my assignments, and we enjoyed chatting and playing darts in his office. We would also go out to eat together, but we always invited classmates along. I don't know why I liked and admired him so much; I loved him like that throughout my entire university years. I didn't feel that this unrequited love was painful, no matter how foolish I was, until later when I got together with my current husband. At graduation, I asked him to write a message in my yearbook. He kept it for an entire night and only returned it to me the next day. The words on it made me cry my heart out for the first time over this four-year relationship in college. I went to the rooftop and cried. It was a poem by Xi Murong, which I still remember. It says: "Not all dreams can be realized in time, not all words can be told to you in time. Guilt and regret will always be deeply planted in the heart after parting. You are a girl as intelligent as an orchid, and I think you understand my heart. Distance is always beautiful. The future is vast, and you have a better future and a happier ending than me." To be honest, I am especially grateful to this teacher. He must have known that I liked him very much, but he always kept his distance and guided me in the right direction.
I've never told him about this past. I just feel that this is my view on love: you can love, but responsibility and obligation must compel you to do things that don't violate your conscience, to be true to yourself, to be true to the other person's family, and to be true to the future. I don't know what Zi is thinking. I think she must know he has a family. You can love my husband, love him in your heart, and I'll be proud of that because it proves his excellence. But since he has a family, please step aside. At this moment, I received a text message, probably from Zi. "I'm not the unreasonable girl you imagine. I love your husband very much, and he loves me very much too. We were very much in love before you. But he loves you more than he loves me. I know that very well. I have self-awareness, and I will leave. But I must keep the child. Please, I'm going back to my hometown and won't bother you anymore. Please don't blame H; he's innocent. I couldn't control myself. I'm sorry, that's all I wanted to say." What does "we were very much in love before you" mean? My brain is spinning. My blood is rushing to my head. Isn't that incredibly irrational? I need to calm down, I need to calm down, I need to calm down. Should I reply to this text message even though I don't want to? I suddenly remembered something. Many of his accounts, emails, and even online game accounts, all have "gzn" followed by a string of numbers I can't understand, like "gzn12345".gzn1980, gzn1314, etc. I remember jokingly asking him what those letters meant, and he said he just typed them randomly on the keyboard. The girl's online name was Zi Ning Gao, and the reversed pinyin of each character spells out "gzn". I felt a bit deceived. In my memory, he had relationships during his four years of university, but I never asked about them. I didn't want to know too much about his past. These accounts are from a long time ago, and my memory of them is vague, but now he has a World of Warcraft account, definitely named gzn****, which he's played for many years. Is the girl named Gao Zi Ning? Or something else? I'm just guessing. He came to my company in the afternoon, and around 4 PM, we went out to a coffee shop downstairs. It was the fourth day since I confirmed his affair, and for the first time, we sat down face-to-face and seriously talked about it. But the result was bad; I learned many things I didn't want to know, and it was cruel. Things happened very quickly, and in these four days, I truly experienced what it means to cry buckets of tears. We used a "truth or dare" game to recount the whole story. It was just a question-and-answer session. He kept smoking, saying that work matters had been put on hold, and he just wanted to focus on resolving things at home. I asked him when it started, and the answer was cruel: it started last June. I stupidly asked him how many times they'd made love, and I regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth. His answer drove me even crazier: I can't remember. Zi and he had never dated, but she was the first girl he liked when he entered university. He had pursued her, but she rejected him because she had a boyfriend who was already working at the time. He was depressed for a while because of this. (I remember this; I was in my senior year of high school then, and I consulted him about college entrance exams and other things. We talked about his love life, and he said he was feeling down and his health was terrible during that time. To comfort him, I sent him a big bag of local specialties from my hometown.) I asked him if those accounts were in her name, and he hesitated before saying yes, saying he was used to them and hadn't changed them. I asked him how he and Zi started dating. He said that Zi had treated everyone to a meal at the school gate after graduating with her master's degree. He happened to be back at the school attending a forum and was also eating there, which is how they met. They exchanged phone numbers and MSN, and later got in touch. He learned that Zi had broken up with her boyfriend a long time ago, and they talked about how he pursued her, reminiscing about the past, and that's how they got together. I asked him if he loved her, and he hesitated for a second or two before saying, "I used to love you, but I don't anymore." I asked if he was sure, and he answered without hesitation. I then said, "If you don't love her, why are you together?" His answer made me want to laugh: "To make up for what happened back then, to prove myself." I asked, "What are you trying to prove? To prove you're charming enough to make her regret not choosing you?" Tears welled up in my eyes. He stopped talking. I asked again, "Does Zi love you?" He hesitated and said, "I guess so." Zi was indeed pregnant. I didn't want to ask if it was the last time they didn't use protection; I knew he was lying. Thinking about how he had been involved with two women since his affair, indirectly tainting my sincerity and trust, I felt both pained and disgusted. I asked him what he planned to do with the child. He said he'd been mediating. When I asked what he was mediating, he said he was mediating a way to minimize the harm to everyone. I got a little agitated and asked if he'd considered who was the most innocent and hurt in this situation. His answer shocked me: everyone was hurt. I got angry, and I wanted to throw the coffee in my hand at his head, but I held back. With tears in my eyes, I asked him: So you're going to put in equal effort to comfort everyone who's hurt, right? Seeing my agitation, he started tearing at his hair (I'm not sure now if he was faking it) and said: Don't be like this, let's both calm down, okay? Before he could finish, I said, haven't I calmed down enough these past few days? Then we started arguing. The whole thing was heartbreaking. From his words, I was certain he had feelings for Zi. That was the only thing I was sure of. I felt like a failure. I cried in front of him, a very uncontrollable, heartbreaking, suffocating cry. Everyone in the coffee shop was watching us. His eyes reddened too. He said, "I can't lose you. You can hit me, you can yell at me, I'll definitely mediate her situation. The child can't stay; I'll persuade her to abort it." I didn't hear a word he said, my head spinning from crying. When we left the coffee shop, I insisted on not going home with him. This morning, I brought back some toiletries, saying I was going to stay at a friend's. He offered to drive me, but I refused. I rushed back to the company with my head down. It was right at the end of the workday, and many people were getting out of the elevator. I walked in with my head down. In my office, I saw him still standing downstairs, looking up, smoking. How ridiculous! He even went to buy a bag of chestnuts. Ten minutes later, he drove away. I sat in my seat, feeling so lost. Love is so fragile; it can't tolerate even the slightest betrayal. Then, he sent another text message: "I'm sorry, I love you." Then he sent another one. "I suddenly have a strong urge to get hit by a car and die on the street, but I know I don't have the courage. Thinking back to a few days ago when you snuggled in my arms peeling chestnuts for me, a wave of heartache and pain washes over me. I know I've hurt you, hurt you badly, and I know it'll be hard for you to forgive me… I just bought a bag of chestnuts. If you'd like, I'll wait for you to come back and peel them for you one by one, but I know that chance is so rare, isn't it?" My heart aches so much. I didn't reply. I'm not going home tonight. I'll wait until my tears dry and my emotions stabilize before having my best friend pick me up. I made plans with her to go shopping tonight, but it seems I can't go in this state. A dull ache lingers in my heart, coming in waves. Why is this happening…? He definitely can't stay out overnight, and it's unlikely he'll come home late. My father-in-law called and said he'll make sure he comes home early every day. He's a dutiful son, and with his mother sick, he won't come home late. He and Zi have definitely been in contact these past few days. I don't know what will happen, and I haven't asked many friends to be careful with the finances. I have a high-paying job and can support myself completely. The house is registered under his name, but last year I bought a house in Suzhou in my own name. I won't make things difficult for him financially, and he won't make things difficult for me either; I trust that. I've saved both the text messages Zi sent me and the ones he sent me, just in case. Although this is necessary, it still hurts me deeply. When did it become necessary for couples who support each other to be monitored in this way, potentially leading to a lawsuit? I definitely don't want to go home tonight; my head is throbbing. My mother just called, but I didn't tell her. I don't want her, so far away, to be heartbroken. She's always been very good to H, always saying I'm too willful and that H should be more accommodating… If she knew about this, how disappointed she would be… She was the one who personally handed me over to H back then. I feel extremely weak, both physically and mentally. I feel incredibly pale and insignificant. Yesterday, I went back to my best friend's house with her. Seeing the brightly lit city lights along the way, I realized that life is fleeting, and all the hardships and obstacles I've faced before were just part of growing up. I feel like I've aged overnight. It's work time now, and there's nothing to do. The whole morning was chaotic. I was late this morning, but thankfully, my boss didn't scold me. He seemed to know I hadn't been feeling well and told me I could rest at home for a few days before coming back. Hearing the word "home," I forced a smile, feeling that it wasn't my home anymore. Where can I go now? I don't want to go anywhere. Last night, I cried my heart out in front of my friend. She's the only one in our social circle who knows about this, but she's also helpless and powerless. All I could do was cry with her at home. I feel so sorry for her… After crying, I actually felt much better. My friend is a college classmate, someone who has witnessed our journey together. She can only offer her support but not her help. Last night, I turned off my phone. When I woke up this morning, as I expected, his text messages filled my entire inbox. Before I finished reading, his call came as expected. He said he knew my phone was off, but he still called all night. When I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. I didn't want to mention Zi, but I couldn't help but bring her up. I asked how Zi was. He said, "Not good." I said I wasn't doing well either, and he said he knew, which was why he kept calling me. I felt incredibly sad. I wanted to ask him if he was also calling her, but the words wouldn't come out.I wrote down that girl's QQ number and all their chat history last time, and it's been on my laptop ever since. But I haven't had the courage to open it, afraid that every word inside will corrode my heart. I didn't eat much lunch, just sat alone in the empty office, staring blankly at the horizon. My father-in-law called twice during that time, but he couldn't say anything about this issue, just kept sighing. My mother-in-law is still in the hospital getting an IV drip, with my father-in-law by her side. I didn't ask where he was; he must be at work. Zi is probably at work too, seeing him every day. But I, his wife, am nowhere to be seen. I'm a stubborn person; I know everything will pass, as long as I can get through this period. But when will this period end? I dare not think about it, dare not hope for it, I only wish it would pass quickly. To be honest, I'm almost an 80s kid myself, and my attitude towards love has been somewhat influenced by that generation. However, when this happens to me, besides deep pain and sorrow, the thought of divorce is constantly filling my heart. Yes, I can't tolerate a future of mutual suspicion and constant anxiety. But I can't bring myself to do it, and I can't control my heart. I know I still love him, very much, even though he betrayed me, he's still my husband. I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, bleeding from both sides, unable to go up or down. I want to go home, back to my parents, so badly. Many people have told me to be careful. Now, Zi seems to know my situation very well, where I live, where I work, and my phone number, but I know almost nothing about her. I only know she's a graduate student, that he used to like her but was rejected, and that after graduating, she went to his company regardless of everything, and that as a manager, he had the power and ability to keep her by his side. Just now I went to his company website, and in the employee activities section I saw photos of the company outing, trying to guess which of those women was her. I saw him, smiling so brightly! This is a chat log I just had with one of his college classmates. I've confirmed that such a person exists. Tang. 15:10:53 I know, what's wrong? A fellow villager of mine shared a dorm with her, we used to eat together a lot, she's alright-looking, but nowhere near as good-looking as you. Later, it seems she went to school. fairier 15:11:48 Yeah. What's she like, Tang? 15:11:55 Hard to say, very introverted, but scheming, and very indecisive. In her freshman year, she was madly in love with a guy. fairier 15:12:16 Oh? Tang? 15:12:30 Not really sure, anyway, that guy later married another woman and is already working. She came here for that guy. He even invited her to his wedding. She cried all night, wailing like a wolf, my fellow villager was at her wit's end. fairier 15:12:49 I see. fairier 15:12:54 Quite pitiful. Tang? 15:13:06 Pitiful my foot, that guy was supposedly already engaged. fairier 15:13:21 Oh? Tang? 15:13:45 What are you doing? Gossiping isn't your style. But it's just hearsay. I don't really know. I only remember my fellow villager arguing with her over something trivial. But he felt sorry for her and didn't argue. She is indeed quite pitiful; she lost her mother in her second year of university, and apparently doesn't have a father. fairier 15:14:28 Yeah! Tang. 15:14:29 There's always a reason why someone is pitiful! Tang. 15:14:32 Sigh, environment shapes personality. Maybe it's because she lost her father at a young age, she's a bit neurotic. Lacking fatherly love, she likes dating older singles. The ones she dated later were all from outside the community. Tang. 15:14:48 But it seems your husband was interested in her back then, pursued her for a while, but didn't succeed, haha. He was focused on older single men. That's all in the past. I've told you before, it's kind of funny thinking about it, a grown man like you. You're so kind. I think I've basically figured out Zi's situation. H wasn't lying to me, he did pursue her, but at that time, Zi was with another man, the one my friend mentioned who was already engaged. She's calculating, introverted, and her parents have passed away. Maybe that's why she said she wanted to go back to her hometown to have the baby, since her parents aren't around. I suddenly feel very sad. Maybe she really is pitiful. My husband is a very soft-hearted person, the kind who would give money and food to a beggar on the street, whether they were trying to scam him or not. Why did this happen? Suddenly, I feel a sense of schadenfreude, but also heartache; I think he's so foolish. I just called him. It's the first time I've called him proactively in recent days. It wasn't my choice, but suddenly, I felt like this was a farce, and we were both victims in it. He answered quickly, seeming a bit agitated. I asked him to have dinner with me tonight, hoping we could have a calm and serious talk. He promised not to be impulsive like yesterday and to face things calmly. I think I shouldn't be so passively waiting for a solution. I know many people are following what happened between him and me last night. Things aren't good or bad, because, as one netizen commented, there's nothing that can be called good or bad. Everyone seems to have a scale in their heart, and I only have two options now: forgiveness or divorce. In my heart, that scale leans towards divorce. I know I'm calm now; wanting a divorce isn't a rash decision, nor is it anything in particular. After repeated conversations and silences, I confirmed one fact: he loves Zi. "Perhaps more than I love you, perhaps less than I love you, the most accurate way to put it is perhaps the same. This is cruel to you, I know." These are his exact words. I won't misremember a single word.Not a single word. Hearing that, I suddenly felt a sense of relief. But tears still involuntarily streamed down my face. I looked at him for a long time, and he met my gaze, occasionally looking down. After a long silence, I said to him, "Then I choose divorce. You take your child and go far away, the farther the better." He probably didn't expect me to say such a thing. He looked up abruptly, and I saw his surprised expression. Without waiting for his reply, my feet seemed to be directed at me, and I turned and left. I think I was running away. At that moment, I didn't want to hear anything he said—no pleading, no thanks, no surprise, nothing at all. I waited alone by the roadside, crying. I knew he had chased after me, but perhaps because of paying the fare, I didn't get a chance to be pulled back. When I got into the taxi, a song by David Tao was playing. "How I long to say goodbye to the past, as the seasons keep changing, yet I always lack a bit of resolve... I understand, how the hearts of those who have loved slowly wither away..." "How the hearts slowly wither away," that's so apt. Last night I went straight home. When the driver dropped me off at the door, I realized I'd given him my own address. My mother-in-law, hearing I was back, frantically called for me to come to her bedside, grabbing my hand and calling out, "Child!" The old woman looked so much older. She said a lot, but I didn't hear a word. Finally, I couldn't hold back anymore and told her, "Mom, please let me be selfish for a moment, please give me some peace and quiet. Take good care of yourself, and don't talk to me for the next few days. Don't say anything more." I cried as I went back to my room, listening to David Tao's "Lonely Season" like a madman. I rarely listened to this song before, but at that moment, it suddenly felt so true to my heart. I aimlessly looked at photos of him and me on the computer—from Xiamen, Nanjing, our wedding photos. I was still looking when he came in, but he knelt down beside me, his face panicked, but he didn't say a word. My father-in-law called him out, and there was a commotion outside. I don't know if it was my father-in-law or mother-in-law, but they slapped him several times. Hearing that sound broke my heart. Usually, I would be heartbroken, but at that moment, I desperately plugged my ears with my earphones and listened to David Tao's "Lonely Season" on repeat. I've been listening to it ever since. I think last night's tears were probably the most I've ever cried in my life; by the end, I was completely silent. When he came in late, he sat on the edge of the bed and held my hand tightly. At that moment, I felt dazed, as if none of this had happened. His voice trembled, and he said in a low voice, "Please don't mention divorce, okay?" Those two words made my heart tremble. I think he probably really didn't expect me to bring up divorce. I didn't cry anymore; perhaps I had no tears left. I told him that I couldn't tolerate the person I deeply loved being with two women at the same time. I couldn't let my compromises allow him to feel at ease. You can only have one lover. I'm proposing divorce not to fulfill your wishes, but to preserve my own dignity. Your future happiness or not has nothing to do with me. He interrupted me before I could finish, tears streaming down his face. He said he never imagined things would turn out this way, and he certainly never expected me to bring up divorce. At that moment, I desperately wanted to throw myself into his arms and tell him I didn't want a divorce, but I held back. I told him not to sleep outside tonight, to come in and sleep. He held me tightly all night. I wanted to forget everything and make love with him one last time, but when his body touched mine, I recoiled. No matter how hard he tried, my body was as cold as a stone. In the end, we both gave up. He held me tightly, and I could feel his tears flowing down my neck, repeatedly saying only one thing: "I'm sorry, don't divorce me, we can be like before." I didn't say a word, feeling incredibly sad. Even if we don't divorce, Zi will forever remain an indelible mark in your heart. I don't want the person I deeply love to have a place in their heart for someone else. I think if I leave, perhaps I can become a barrier between you and her; I need dignity. Regardless of whether Zi is smug or not, at least I've confirmed her character. If she's that kind of person, I believe H and she won't go far. I believe he'll always remember me. We've been together for so many years, and we've been in love for six. He can't be completely indifferent to me. As for his future with Zi, I want to say, let's see who laughs last and who goes further. No matter what I do then, at least I'll be upright and brave. Yesterday, I asked him these questions: 1. Was the affair because you were looking for true love, seeking excitement, or something else? 2. Does that other woman truly love you? Or are you just a substitute, or a lifeline for the rest of your life? 3. Can you accept that other woman as your wife? (She's a secondhand woman, oops!) Can your family accept her? 4. Aren't we being a bit unfilial? Your mother-in-law is sick from worry, and you're still hesitant. I haven't even taken care of her. I've asked him all these questions. Although what he said was cruel, I'm still grateful to him. After all, he honestly expressed his thoughts, allowing me to see the whole situation more comprehensively. He honestly told me that his first affair was because of his childhood crush, but in the end, he realized he had actually fallen in love with her. He said Zi loved him very much, had sacrificed a lot for him, and shed many tears. I think, forced love is never sweet. In all the years we've been together, he rarely cries. When I was chatting with his parents, my father-in-law even mentioned how he was punished as a child for being naughty, but he never uttered a sound or shed a tear. I believe his tears were real. I also believe he was in great pain. Many friends have asked me if I still love him. Here, I want to say seriously, very seriously, yes, I still love him, very much, to the point of being unable to control myself. But perhaps it is because of this love that I cannot tolerate him loving two women at the same time. My love is selfish, it's for myself. Yesterday, when I went to have dinner with him, I recorded our entire conversation on an MP4 player. Although I haven't listened to it again yet. Perhaps it will be useful in the future, or perhaps I can listen to it when I'm old, remembering that I had such a deeply unforgettable marriage in my youth. My heart is so cold, yet I'm smiling. I must smile. I slept almost all day today. He didn't go to work and stayed home with me. The phone kept ringing, but he didn't answer; he turned off his phone. My father-in-law was also taking care of my mother-in-law. At noon, he went downstairs and bought a lot of fruit, all my favorites. Strawberries are plentiful this time of year; there are many strawberry vendors downstairs. He didn't bring his phone with him when he went to buy the fruit, so he left it not far from me, but I didn't look at it. He said he wouldn't use his phone for the next few days, that he just wanted to be with me wholeheartedly, regardless of whether it was the last time. I told him I wanted some peace and quiet, and that it was my business if he chatted with my in-laws, because I could hear them yelling and crying from time to time. The sky in Shanghai is very gloomy. I live on the tenth floor, and I really wanted to jump. Haha, just kidding, I won't. I want to live well, I want to live healthily, bravely, and beautifully. I stayed home all day, then accompanied my mother-in-law to the hospital; the whole family went. The air in Shanghai after the rain was also very fresh; perhaps it wouldn't be so gloomy. I need my own cleansing. He just told me that he won't agree to a divorce, and even if he does, he won't be with Zi. He turned on his phone in front of me, asked the boss for leave, and then handed me the battery. I didn't accept it; I just smiled gently and shook his hand in response. Whatever happens, I can be heartbroken, but I can't lose love. I once read a book called "Only Breakups Bring Happiness," which said something like this. This is the pain in my heart; you can't feel it, you can't understand it, this is me. Regarding this article, I can honestly tell everyone: this is my story, not a lie. I thought I wouldn't be hurt here, but I've discovered that there's no place for me in this world.I told him I couldn't tolerate the person I deeply loved being with two women at the same time. I couldn't let my compromises allow him to feel at ease. One can only have one lover. I'm proposing a divorce not to please you, but to preserve my own dignity. His future happiness is none of my concern. He interrupted me before I could finish, tears streaming down his face. He said he never imagined things would turn out this way, and he certainly never expected me to propose a divorce. At that moment, I desperately wanted to throw myself into his arms and tell him I didn't want a divorce, but I held back. I said, "Don't sleep outside tonight, come in." He held me tightly all night. I wanted to forget everything and make love with him one last time, but when his body touched mine, I recoiled. No matter how hard he tried, my body was as cold as a stone. In the end, we both gave up. He held me tightly, and I could feel his tears flowing down my neck, repeatedly saying only one thing: "I'm sorry, don't divorce me, we can be like before." I didn't say a word, feeling utterly heartbroken. Even if we don't divorce, Zi will always be an indelible mark on your heart. I don't want someone else to fill the heart of the person I deeply love. I think if I leave, perhaps I can become a place between you and her; I need dignity. Regardless of whether Zi is smug or not, at least I've confirmed her character. If she's that kind of person, I believe H and she won't go far. I believe he will always remember me. We've been together for so many years, and we've been in love for six years now. He can't be completely indifferent to me. As for his future with Zi, I want to say, let's see who laughs last, who goes further. No matter what I do then, at least I will be upright and brave. Yesterday, I asked him these questions: 1. Was the affair because you were looking for true love, seeking excitement, or something else? 2. Does that other woman truly love you? Or are you just a substitute, or a lifeline for the rest of your life? 3. Can you accept that other woman becoming your wife? (She's a secondhand woman, I'm sweating.) Can your family accept that other woman? 4. Aren't we being a bit unfilial? My mother-in-law got sick from the stress, and you're still hesitant. I haven't even taken care of her. I've already asked you all these questions. Although what he said was cruel, I'm still grateful to him. After all, he honestly expressed his thoughts, allowing me to see the whole picture more clearly. He honestly told me that his first affair was because of his first love, but in the end, he realized he had genuinely fallen in love with her. He said Zi loved him very much, had sacrificed a lot for him, and shed many tears. I think, forced love is never sweet. In all the years we've been together, he rarely cries. My father-in-law even told me about how he was punished as a child for being naughty, but he never uttered a sound or shed a tear. I believe his tears were real. I also believe he's in great pain. Many friends have asked me if I still love him. Here, I want to say seriously, very seriously, yes, I still love him, very much, to the point of being unable to control myself. But perhaps it's because of this love that I can't tolerate him loving two women at the same time. My love is selfish, it's for myself. Yesterday, when I went to have dinner with him, I recorded our entire conversation on an MP4 player. Although I haven't listened to it again yet, perhaps it will be useful in the future, or perhaps I can listen to it when I'm old, remembering that I had such a heart-wrenching marriage when I was young. My heart is so cold, yet I'm smiling. I must smile. I slept almost all day today, and he didn't go to work, staying home with me. The phone kept ringing, but he didn't answer; he turned off his phone. My father-in-law was also taking care of my mother-in-law. At noon, he went downstairs and bought a lot of fruit, all my favorites. Strawberries are plentiful this time of year; there are many strawberry vendors downstairs. He didn't bring his phone with him when he went to buy the fruit, so he left it not far from me, but I didn't look at it. He said he wouldn't use his phone for the next few days, that he just wanted to be with me wholeheartedly, regardless of whether it was the last time. I told him I wanted some peace and quiet, and that it was my business if he chatted with my in-laws, because I could hear their shouting and crying from time to time. The sky in Shanghai is gloomy. I live on the tenth floor, and I really wanted to jump. Haha, I'm just saying it, I won't. I want to live well, I want to live healthily, bravely, and beautifully. I was cooped up at home all day, then accompanied my mother-in-law to the hospital; the whole family went. The air in Shanghai after the rain was refreshing; perhaps it wouldn't be so gloomy. I need my own cleansing. He just told me he won't agree to a divorce, and even if he does, he won't be with Zi. He turned on his phone in front of me to ask his boss for leave, then took out his phone and handed it to me. I didn't accept it, just smiled gently and squeezed his hand in response. Whatever happens. I can be heartbroken, but I can't lose love. I once read a book called "Only Breakups Can Bring Happiness," which said something like this. This is the pain in my heart; you can't feel it, you can't understand it, this is me. Regarding this article, I can honestly tell everyone: this is my story, not a lie. I thought I wouldn't be hurt here, but I've discovered that there's no place for me in this world.I told him I couldn't tolerate the person I deeply loved being with two women at the same time. I couldn't let my compromises allow him to feel at ease. One can only have one lover. I'm proposing a divorce not to please you, but to preserve my own dignity. His future happiness is none of my concern. He interrupted me before I could finish, tears streaming down his face. He said he never imagined things would turn out this way, and he certainly never expected me to propose a divorce. At that moment, I desperately wanted to throw myself into his arms and tell him I didn't want a divorce, but I held back. I said, "Don't sleep outside tonight, come in." He held me tightly all night. I wanted to forget everything and make love with him one last time, but when his body touched mine, I recoiled. No matter how hard he tried, my body was as cold as a stone. In the end, we both gave up. He held me tightly, and I could feel his tears flowing down my neck, repeatedly saying only one thing: "I'm sorry, don't divorce me, we can be like before." I didn't say a word, feeling utterly heartbroken. Even if we don't divorce, Zi will always be an indelible mark on your heart. I don't want someone else to fill the heart of the person I deeply love. I think if I leave, perhaps I can become a place between you and her; I need dignity. Regardless of whether Zi is smug or not, at least I've confirmed her character. If she's that kind of person, I believe H and she won't go far. I believe he will always remember me. We've been together for so many years, and we've been in love for six years now. He can't be completely indifferent to me. As for his future with Zi, I want to say, let's see who laughs last, who goes further. No matter what I do then, at least I will be upright and brave. Yesterday, I asked him these questions: 1. Was the affair because you were looking for true love, seeking excitement, or something else? 2. Does that other woman truly love you? Or are you just a substitute, or a lifeline for the rest of your life? 3. Can you accept that other woman becoming your wife? (She's a secondhand woman, I'm sweating.) Can your family accept that other woman? 4. Aren't we being a bit unfilial? My mother-in-law got sick from the stress, and you're still hesitant. I haven't even taken care of her. I've already asked you all these questions. Although what he said was cruel, I'm still grateful to him. After all, he honestly expressed his thoughts, allowing me to see the whole picture more clearly. He honestly told me that his first affair was because of his first love, but in the end, he realized he had genuinely fallen in love with her. He said Zi loved him very much, had sacrificed a lot for him, and shed many tears. I think, forced love is never sweet. In all the years we've been together, he rarely cries. My father-in-law even told me about how he was punished as a child for being naughty, but he never uttered a sound or shed a tear. I believe his tears were real. I also believe he's in great pain. Many friends have asked me if I still love him. Here, I want to say seriously, very seriously, yes, I still love him, very much, to the point of being unable to control myself. But perhaps it's because of this love that I can't tolerate him loving two women at the same time. My love is selfish, it's for myself. Yesterday, when I went to have dinner with him, I recorded our entire conversation on an MP4 player. Although I haven't listened to it again yet, perhaps it will be useful in the future, or perhaps I can listen to it when I'm old, remembering that I had such a heart-wrenching marriage when I was young. My heart is so cold, yet I'm smiling. I must smile. I slept almost all day today, and he didn't go to work, staying home with me. The phone kept ringing, but he didn't answer; he turned off his phone. My father-in-law was also taking care of my mother-in-law. At noon, he went downstairs and bought a lot of fruit, all my favorites. Strawberries are plentiful this time of year; there are many strawberry vendors downstairs. He didn't bring his phone with him when he went to buy the fruit, so he left it not far from me, but I didn't look at it. He said he wouldn't use his phone for the next few days, that he just wanted to be with me wholeheartedly, regardless of whether it was the last time. I told him I wanted some peace and quiet, and that it was my business if he chatted with my in-laws, because I could hear their shouting and crying from time to time. The sky in Shanghai is gloomy. I live on the tenth floor, and I really wanted to jump. Haha, I'm just saying it, I won't. I want to live well, I want to live healthily, bravely, and beautifully. I was cooped up at home all day, then accompanied my mother-in-law to the hospital; the whole family went. The air in Shanghai after the rain was refreshing; perhaps it wouldn't be so gloomy. I need my own cleansing. He just told me he won't agree to a divorce, and even if he does, he won't be with Zi. He turned on his phone in front of me to ask his boss for leave, then took out his phone and handed it to me. I didn't accept it, just smiled gently and squeezed his hand in response. Whatever happens. I can be heartbroken, but I can't lose love. I once read a book called "Only Breakups Can Bring Happiness," which said something like this. This is the pain in my heart; you can't feel it, you can't understand it, this is me. Regarding this article, I can honestly tell everyone: this is my story, not a lie. I thought I wouldn't be hurt here, but I've discovered that there's no place for me in this world.Yesterday, when I went to have dinner with him, I recorded our entire conversation on my MP4. I haven't listened to it again yet. Maybe it will be useful later, or maybe I can listen to it when I'm old, remembering that I had such a heart-wrenching marriage in my youth. My heart is so cold, yet I'm smiling. I must smile. I slept almost all day today. He didn't go to work and stayed home with me. The phone kept ringing, but he didn't answer; he turned it off. My father-in-law was also taking care of my mother-in-law. At noon, he went downstairs and bought a lot of fruit, all my favorites. Strawberries are plentiful this time of year; there are many strawberry vendors downstairs. He didn't bring his phone with him when he went to buy the fruit, so he left it not far from me, but I didn't look at it. He said he wouldn't use his phone for the next few days, that he just wanted to be with me wholeheartedly, regardless of whether it was the last time. I told him I wanted some peace and quiet, and that it was my business if he chatted with his parents, because I could hear them yelling and crying from time to time. The sky in Shanghai is gloomy. I live on the tenth floor, and I really wanted to jump. Haha, just kidding, I won't. I want to live well, I want to live healthily, bravely, and beautifully. I was cooped up at home all day, then accompanied my mother-in-law to the hospital; the whole family went. The air in Shanghai after the rain was so fresh; perhaps it wouldn't be so gloomy. I need my own cleansing. He just told me he won't agree to a divorce, and even if he does, he won't be with Zi. He turned on his phone in front of me to ask his boss for leave, then took out his phone and handed it to me. I didn't accept it; I just smiled gently and shook his hand in response. Whatever happens, it doesn't matter. I can be heartbroken, but I can't lose love. I once read a book called "Only Breakups Can Bring Happiness," which said something like this. This is the pain in my heart; you can't feel it, you can't understand it, this is me. Regarding this article, I can honestly tell everyone: this is my story, not a lie. I thought I wouldn't be hurt here, but I've discovered that there's no place for me in this world.Yesterday, when I went to have dinner with him, I recorded our entire conversation on my MP4. I haven't listened to it again yet. Maybe it will be useful later, or maybe I can listen to it when I'm old, remembering that I had such a heart-wrenching marriage in my youth. My heart is so cold, yet I'm smiling. I must smile. I slept almost all day today. He didn't go to work and stayed home with me. The phone kept ringing, but he didn't answer; he turned it off. My father-in-law was also taking care of my mother-in-law. At noon, he went downstairs and bought a lot of fruit, all my favorites. Strawberries are plentiful this time of year; there are many strawberry vendors downstairs. He didn't bring his phone with him when he went to buy the fruit, so he left it not far from me, but I didn't look at it. He said he wouldn't use his phone for the next few days, that he just wanted to be with me wholeheartedly, regardless of whether it was the last time. I told him I wanted some peace and quiet, and that it was my business if he chatted with his parents, because I could hear them yelling and crying from time to time. The sky in Shanghai is gloomy. I live on the tenth floor, and I really wanted to jump. Haha, just kidding, I won't. I want to live well, I want to live healthily, bravely, and beautifully. I was cooped up at home all day, then accompanied my mother-in-law to the hospital; the whole family went. The air in Shanghai after the rain was so fresh; perhaps it wouldn't be so gloomy. I need my own cleansing. He just told me he won't agree to a divorce, and even if he does, he won't be with Zi. He turned on his phone in front of me to ask his boss for leave, then took out his phone and handed it to me. I didn't accept it; I just smiled gently and shook his hand in response. Whatever happens, it doesn't matter. I can be heartbroken, but I can't lose love. I once read a book called "Only Breakups Can Bring Happiness," which said something like this. This is the pain in my heart; you can't feel it, you can't understand it, this is me. Regarding this article, I can honestly tell everyone: this is my story, not a lie. I thought I wouldn't be hurt here, but I've discovered that there's no place for me in this world.

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What happened in the days before and after discovering a man's infidelity

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