We didn't understand love in college.

I just got married this May, and I love my wife very much, but for some reason, I'm not very interested in sex. She has a strong libido, wanting it 3 or 4 times a day, but I always avoid it and don't want to have sex with her. She always thought I was frigid. Actually, I often fantasize about my ex-girlfriend and frequently dream about having sex with her.
My ex-girlfriend and I started dating in our second year of university; she was my junior high classmate. I liked her a lot in junior high; she was a transfer student, and the first thing I noticed when she entered the class was her breasts. Back then, many girls weren't wearing bras, and she was wearing our summer school uniform (the material was a bit thin), with a tank top underneath, but you could vaguely see her nipples. I was 15 or 16 years old, and I was instantly attracted to her. Because I was a good student, and she was a teacher's child, she was seated next to me. At that age, I didn't understand what love was; it was just simple liking. I often made her cry, which I feel really ashamed about now. Later, we got into the same high school but different classes. I rarely had the chance to interact with her, but sometimes I would hear the boys in my class talking about her, that was all.
After graduating from high school, I went to study in Beijing, while she studied medicine in Shenyang. We didn't keep in touch after high school graduation. In my second year of university, she suddenly called me. Without thinking much, we chatted. During the chat, I asked her if she had a boyfriend. She said no, and mentioned that it takes five years for someone studying medicine to find a boyfriend. I jokingly said, "How about I take you?" She asked about my ex-girlfriend (I had a girlfriend in my second year of high school, and I went to study in Beijing because of her; we broke up in the second semester of my first year). I said we broke up a long time ago. Hearing my reply, she said, "How can we date someone so far away? I'll think about it some more." At the time, I didn't think much of it; I also felt it was too far and unrealistic. After returning home for summer vacation, I had completely forgotten about it, going out late every day and having a great time. Suddenly one day, she texted me asking me to go out. I immediately realized there was something going on, and we naturally started dating. During the vacation, we didn't have sex, only kissing and caressing.
After the semester started, everyone went back to their respective schools, and life was uneventful, just daily phone calls and text messages. Later, I skipped class to go to Shenyang to see her. After getting off the train, we found a hotel and had sex. During those few days in Shenyang, I hardly went out, spending all my time having sex in the hotel. It was my first time with her, and she was still a virgin (but I don't have a virginity complex, so I didn't care). At first, I was a little uncomfortable, but later I became more relaxed. Every time, she would be very wet (I like women who are very wet; when a woman is wet, I get incredibly hard). After running out of money, I went back to Beijing. I haven't even described what my ex-girlfriend looked like yet. She was about 170cm tall, with large and firm breasts, especially a large butt. She had a somewhat European-looking figure, single eyelids, and almond-shaped eyes, giving her a slightly provocative look.
Later, she worked and saved some money to come to Beijing to see me. We stayed in a classmate's rented apartment for over a week. During that time, I took her sightseeing in Beijing during the day, and we had sex at night, trying various positions. Ironically, we never used condoms. That time in Beijing, we said we'd bring one, just in case something went wrong. That night we did it three times. The third time, we did it for a long time, but I just couldn't ejaculate. Even after taking off the condom, I still couldn't ejaculate. In the end, we were both too exhausted to finish (after that, I think I had a problem; sometimes I couldn't ejaculate no matter what I did, and it always ended when I was too tired to finish).
Later, because of the long distance and because I was too playful to talk to her on the phone every day, we often argued, which went on endlessly on the phone. She would cry and talk to me on the other end. The sentence she said that hurt me the most was that she had shed all the tears in her life for me. Almost every girlfriend after her said that she was exhausted, even my current wife said it. The arguments didn't break us up. When we weren't arguing, we were still so loving. I remember in the first semester of my junior year, we were going to do internships. The train passed through Shenyang, and she was waiting for me on the platform. When the train started moving, she was still running after it, crying. At that time, I felt that I could only marry her. But my bad habit (playfulness) eventually led to our breakup. I remember before the summer vacation of my junior year, she asked me to go to Shenyang to see her first, and we would go home together. To get home earlier, I lied to my buddies, saying I had no money and couldn't go. We even had a fight. When she came back, she texted me to pick her up at the station. I was playing cards with my buddies and told them I was in the countryside and couldn't go. Later, she said she'd had enough and wanted to break up with me, and I agreed in a fit of anger. After that, we basically lost contact, but I always thought about her, and I knew she still cared about me too. But we both knew we could never go back. I remember after graduating from university, I went home first, and she came to the station to see me off on my way to work. She looked much thinner than I'd seen her in over a year. Because of traffic, she arrived late, and we didn't even get a proper conversation before I boarded the train. After that, occasionally when I missed her, I would chat with her on QQ, and she would ask me to call her. When I went home on vacation, she even asked me out, but I didn't go. I didn't know how to face her.
Now, I have no contact information for her; my wife deleted her. I can't find her, which makes me miss her even more. Today, with mixed feelings, I wrote down my memories of her, a tribute to my youth, to my past love, and to those days that are gone forever!
[The End]

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We didn't understand love in college.

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