The deepest impression of losing one's virginity

I haven't dated since starting university, not because I'm ugly, but mainly because of my high school relationship. Many girls pursued me during university, but I didn't agree to any of them until E came along. She looked and acted very similar to my high school sweetheart.
At that time, university military training had just ended, and various clubs were recruiting. Seeing my roommates go, I went along to check it out and joined the school's Youth League Committee's Organization Department. Initially, I was quite active in the department; I'd immediately do whatever the department head asked because it felt novel and fun. Although I had also worked in the student union in high school and even held a leadership position, it was different from university clubs. Organizing activities and meetings was all done internally, and I was really enthusiastic about it.
Every year around this time, they would recruit new members. Because our major required fieldwork during the summer and we had to write papers afterward, I didn't participate in recruitment in my sophomore year.
By my junior year, all the previous officers had changed. I was appointed vice-minister by the department head, who was a woman from the Economics and Management department. Later, I heard from other people who joined with me that this position was only reserved for Economics and Management students.
Then I thought about it, and wow, yeah, when I joined, the chubby woman who was the department head was from Economics and Management, and the sophomore department head was also an upperclassman from Economics and Management, and now this girl is too… It's amazing how this little group seems to have a hereditary system, haha, it's kind of funny.
Anyway, enough bragging, let's get to the point. In my junior year, the
club was recruiting again. Many of our major's internships were scheduled for the summer, and you couldn't skip them—eight credits in total, and you couldn't graduate without them. I didn't want to go, but the previous two department heads said I couldn't not come; as the vice-minister, how could I not come? Seriously! It's like the system, still talking even after you've stepped down. On the day of recruitment, both of the old department heads were present. I just wandered around handing out forms, telling people who wanted to join our organization department to fill out the form and hand it to that skinny, bespectacled guy over there, and wait for an interview. The next day, we screened the forms and called the qualified candidates to come for interviews that evening. That evening, I interviewed the new recruits with the current female department head. I casually asked a few questions; whether or not they were hired was up to her. I thought, "You're the department head, whatever makes you happy." Near the end, a young girl came. I was startled because when she ran towards me from a distance, her figure resembled my first love. I suddenly perked up. She hurriedly ran over and said, "Sorry I'm late, I was just interviewed at another club." She was about 1.5 meters tall, very pretty, with a large bust—I think it was an E cup, comparable to my first love, roughly like the picture below—and very fair skin, so I'll call her E. Before the department head could speak, I started asking questions: "Did you participate in any student activities in high school? Did you serve as a class officer?" As the conversation went on, I drifted off-topic. I don't remember exactly where I went off-topic, but I do remember chatting happily with her for a long time, laughing and joking. Our department head couldn't get a word in edgewise. Finally, he pointed to his watch and reminded me that there were two more people to go and it was getting late. I said, "Junior, don't go to other clubs, come to us." She said, "Okay, then you must text me tomorrow!" (Because whether or not she's hired depends on the text message sent the next day, which she probably received during her interviews at other clubs). Our department head had a long face. I understood what she meant; even if I wanted to hire her, I should have waited until they left. And not discussing it with her in front of her felt a bit undignified. Yet, after spending the whole night with her, I finally got something out of it, and she expects me to understand her feelings? Why doesn't she understand mine? After the interviews, everyone went back to the department for a meeting, bringing out the resumes of the people we thought were suitable and explaining why. I, for one, praised that girl to the skies. The department head still had some humanity; he remembered we'd spent two years together in the club. She didn't object to me bringing this girl in, the department head didn't object, and no one else had anything to say. I didn't wait until the next morning. After the meeting, on my way back to the dorm, I texted E (because the club recruitment was quite competitive, and I didn't want to miss an opportunity). "E, come report to the department tomorrow night at 8 PM. Our department is in room 205 of building XXX. Prepare beforehand; new members need to introduce themselves on the first day." E immediately replied, "Okay, besides the self-introduction, what else do I need to prepare?" Then I went on and on with her, and she asked a lot of questions—I can't remember them all. Later, I asked her, "How many clubs notified you of your acceptance the day after your interview?" She said three. I asked, "Why? Why did they choose us? Was it because I texted them early?" She said, "No, it's because I was very nervous during the interviews for various clubs. Basically, the seniors who interviewed me asked me very mechanical questions, which made me feel distant from them. But it was different with you. I was nervous at first, but then I felt relaxed and pressure-free chatting with you. And you even said something to encourage me to stay, which made me feel like I had a sense of belonging in the club." That 's roughly the gist of it. After so many years, I can't remember the exact words. After saying all this, everyone probably thinks I'm a pervert and wants to make a move on this girl, right? Wrong! I didn't intend to develop anything further with her. I just felt she reminded me of my first love. At the time, I felt like I was still in the shadow of my past and didn't want to be in a relationship. Seeing her felt like meeting an old acquaintance I hadn't seen in years. I just saw her as an innocent junior. It's less about physical contact and more about touching her chest. That was during her first activity after joining the club. After the activity, the club leader said, "This is the first activity the new members have done; everyone did a great job." Then she said she'd treat us to dinner that night (actually, she paid half the bill, and the other half was paid by the two vice-ministers; she even said that departmental affairs weren't just her responsibility, and the two of us should share some too—what a scheming woman, claiming she was paying for everything). After dinner, they wanted to go to karaoke, and I said, "You guys go ahead and have fun; I have to get up early tomorrow to meet up with my roommates at [location]." The vice-minister said, "Okay." E said, "I'll go back with you; I'm on my period and not feeling well." I said, "Let's go together then." Actually, I was thinking, "Damn it, you want us to pay for your party again? No way!" Unfortunately, the other vice-minister, a woman, was very submissive and seemed a bit naive, doing whatever the vice-minister told her to do. Since she was happy to support them, we couldn't stop her. Then E and I took the bus back to school. It was quite late, but not yet 11 PM because the student affairs auntie locks the doors after 11 PM. I live in Building 12, and she lives in Building 28. When we entered through the main gate, our first stop was our dorm. Her dorm was behind ours, accessible only by the cafeteria, which was a long, narrow mound between us. The mound was planted with bamboo and other ornamental trees, and a winding path paved with pebbles ran through it. The streetlights were dim and obscured by the bamboo and trees. When we reached my dorm, she grabbed my arm and said, "Brother X, could you walk me back to my dorm? That part of the path (the mound) is so dark, I'm a little scared." I said, "Sure, I'll walk you." We walked and chatted. When we reached the mound, about halfway up the slope, perhaps because of the dim lighting, she tripped over a pebble. Instinctively, I reached out to help her, but I was still preoccupied with our conversation and couldn't pull her up; she fell over.

I quickly helped her up and asked if she was alright. She said it hurt. I told her to try walking a few steps
, but she said no, it hurt so much. I looked at her foot—it was so dark, but that's how they do it in movies. I asked her to hold onto my foot and tell her which one hurt. She said her right foot. So I slowly took off her right shoe. It was too dark for me to see clearly, so I rubbed it for her. It seemed her ankle was indeed swollen.
I said, "I'll carry you to your dorm. Once we get there, I'll ask your roommate to help you upstairs."
She said okay.
So I carried her on my back. She probably weighed around 90 pounds. When she was on my back, I could clearly feel her soft breasts pressed tightly against my back. I could feel them swaying as we walked.
I immediately got an embarrassing hard-on. Luckily it was nighttime, or I would have been so embarrassed. When we got close to her dorm, I deliberately tried to start a conversation, thinking about Marxism, and finally calmed myself down. When we got to her dorm, she made a phone call to her roommate, and I watched her go upstairs.
She became my girlfriend.
Ever since my back had that intimate contact with her breasts last time, I feel like I have horny thoughts crawling in my head—it's so shameful… Every night, if I'm not going to the gym with my roommates to play badminton, I go to the library to read. I usually sit in the library corridor near the window; my spot is pretty fixed. If someone takes my seat, I just find the nearest one.
One night, as usual, I went to the library to borrow books and then went to find a seat in the corridor (I usually go early after class to reserve one). That day, someone was sitting in the seat I reserved, and I felt embarrassed to tell them it was mine, since it's reasonable for someone to have taken it after a few hours.
I noticed that E was sitting in the seat two seats behind mine. At that moment, she looked up, and our eyes met.
She said, "Sit across from me; this seat is empty."
I went over and sat down, asking her, "You're here to read too?" She said, "To do my homework."
I said, "Oh."
Then she took out her water bottle from her bag, opened her book, and started reading. She did her homework while I read mine, and neither of us spoke. I guessed she finished her homework and started playing on her phone. This went on until 9:30 PM. I packed up my books to leave.
Then she packed up too, ready to leave. We walked and chatted. My dorm was ahead of hers, but she had to walk over a small hill to get to hers.
She said, "It's too dark over there. Could you walk me back to my dorm?"
I thought to myself, "Am I going to have to carry her again tonight?"
When we were almost at the hill, I told her, "Watch your step."
She seemed a little embarrassed and smiled at me.
Later, I would run into her every time I went to the library, and I would always sit opposite her and walk her back to her dorm. Later,
I asked her, "Are you waiting for me at the library on purpose?"
She said, "Even a pig could see that, and you're only realizing it now!" Now we're juniors, and all the students are rushing to the library to prepare for graduate school or civil service exams. Several of my classmates keep running into us together at the library and jokingly say, "You're out on a date with your girlfriend again?"
I said, "She's not my girlfriend; she's from our department."
Once, on my way back to her dorm, I ran into a girl from another class in the same department. When she saw us together, she cheerfully greeted me, "XXX, your girlfriend is so pretty!"
I was about to explain that she wasn't my girlfriend, but before I could speak, E grabbed my arm and said, "Thank you, you're pretty too."
The two girls were clearly having a great time, leaving me standing there bewildered… I smiled at the other girl and continued walking.
As we walked, E suddenly said to me, "Be my boyfriend, I like you."
I didn't say anything, and she kept walking towards her dorm with her head down.
After a while, I gently took her hand and we walked forward. She happily looked up at me and exclaimed, "You said yes!" I smiled at her, patted her head, and said, "Silly girl."
Then she seemed to be activated, rambling on and on, basically saying that she liked me at first sight and what she felt in her heart.
Later, like most couples, we'd go to the movies on weekends, or visit scenic spots near our university. We kissed a few times, but didn't do anything inappropriate, since we were always in public places.
About halfway through our junior year, we'd been together for two months.
One Friday noon, I told her I was going to an internet cafe with my classmates to play Dota all night.
She said, "I've never been to an internet cafe before, can you take me?"
I thought, "That won't do," but I couldn't bear to leave her behind.
I said, "How about I skip the games with my classmates? The internet cafe we usually go to is too smoky. I'll take you to the one near XXX University."
That internet cafe was a bit more upscale; smoking wasn't allowed on the second floor, and there were private rooms. Those private rooms were better than the ones near our school; the partitions reached all the way to the ceiling. At our school, the partitions didn't reach the ceiling, so if you stood up in a private room, you could see what was happening in the other rooms.
We went to that internet cafe and stayed all night.
It was indeed her first time at an internet cafe; she couldn't even find the power button.
After turning on the computers, we each played our own games.
It
was probably around 11 PM when she got up to use the restroom. She was sitting inside, and I got up to let her leave. When she came back, I didn't stand up; instead, I made her step over my
lap. She was wearing one of those denim bucket skirts with a zipper on the side. Because she's a bit short and the skirt wasn't very practical, she finally managed to step over one leg, then suddenly spread her legs and sat on my lap. Then her little pink fist punched me—"You're so bad!" she said.
At this point, my blood was boiling. I grabbed her waist and kissed her. At first, she resisted, but after a short while, she wrapped her arms around my neck. My hand slid from her waist to her buttocks and started touching them. Her buttocks were really big. Seeing that she didn't object, I continued touching them. However, the denim skirt felt a bit stiff and uncomfortable. I wanted to unzip her skirt, but I was afraid of being too hasty, and she objected.
After kissing for a while, I tried to slowly pull up her zipper. Seeing she didn't stop me, I continued pulling. As I pulled the zipper up, the skirt opening widened, and she sat up a little higher until her large breasts were pressed against my chest.
Feeling I had a chance, I simply unzipped her skirt completely.
Realizing her skirt was open, she tried to push me away, but I immediately pulled my hands back and hugged her tightly, kissing her passionately. She moaned softly, and after a while, she stopped resisting. I placed my hands on her buttocks, one hand on half of her bottom, feeling her large, soft flesh. She started breathing heavily.
My mouth got tired from kissing for so long, so I released her, my hands still on her buttocks.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, looked at me, and said, "You're so naughty! Did you plan this all along?" I said, "Yes, how could I let such a beautiful girl go?"
Then she pinched my cheek, and I continued kissing her. This time, I could freely touch her buttocks.
Then I slipped my hand inside her clothes and touched her back. My mind was actually on her large breasts. My right hand reached for her bra strap and tried to unhook it, but couldn't find the clasp. Undeterred, I reached in with my left hand, still unable to find it, and started to wonder. Then, with my left arm around her waist, I continued kissing her, while my right hand slid from the inside of the bra strap to her chest and finally touched her large breasts. I gently stroked her breasts and flicked her nipples with my index finger. After a few strokes, her breathing became rapid. At this point, I put my left hand in as well, kneading her breasts with both hands. Her breathing became even more rapid. She moved her mouth away from mine, resting her face against my chest, arching her back, probably to make it easier for me to touch her breasts.
Then I pushed her t-shirt up to her chest and her bra up, revealing her large, snow-white breasts. The veins on her breasts were clearly visible, and her nipples were about the size of a cigarette butt, with rather large areolas.
I immediately pushed her back a little and buried my head in her chest to suckle her nipples. I held her large, white nipples between my hands and suckled continuously. After a while, I took off my t-shirt, hugged her tightly, and continued kissing her. Holding her close, letting her large breasts press against my chest felt so good, so soft. My
hands moved from her buttocks to her back, and then back to her buttocks.
I felt her breathing quicken, and she was reacting strongly, so I slipped my hand inside her panties to touch her buttocks. Her skin was so smooth and tender. My right hand touched her buttocks, then moved down until I reached her vagina. Wow! So wet.
I slowly inserted my middle finger into her vagina, and she let out a soft moan as it went in.
Because of the position, I couldn't insert it very deeply, only two finger joints. Then I pulled my hand out and put it back in from the front, touching her vulva with my whole palm. She was lying on my chest, panting heavily. I spread her vulva open and used my middle finger to stroke her clitoris. At this moment, she hugged me tightly, her breathing rapid.
After stroking her clitoris for a while, I moved my middle finger down, trying to insert it into her vulva. There was a lot of fluid flowing out, and her panties were soaked. With so much fluid, my middle finger went in smoothly. I kept pushing my finger in until I couldn't go any further. Then I kept thrusting my middle finger in and out of her vulva, and even more fluid flowed out.
At this point, I put her on the sofa, took off her panties (her panties had cartoon characters on them, why do I remember this so clearly? Because from my first love until now, no woman I've ever slept with has had cartoon characters on her panties...), and then put my head between her legs to lick her vulva. She didn't have much pubic hair, and there was no hair on her labia majora. I had just licked it when she grabbed my head with both hands and said that her vulva was dirty.
I said, "Every part of your body is clean."
I continued to bury my head in her labia majora, then lifted my head to kiss her thighs, my tongue sliding from her thighs to her groin without touching her vulva. At that moment, I heard her heavy breathing, and then I suddenly forced my tongue open her labia majora, licking from her vaginal opening to her clitoris. She let out a soft moan and then gripped my head tightly with both hands. I ignored her and continued licking her vulva, my tongue occasionally curling up and penetrating inside.
Then, I got up to kiss her lips, my hands still touching her vulva. She crossed her arms and tightly hugged my neck. I said, "Can I have it?" She said, "Be gentle, I heard it hurts a little the first time."
I thought to myself, "Still a virgin. Is it because my first love wasn't a virgin, and God sent me a virgin to experience it?"
I said, "Okay."
Then I took off my underwear and pants at the same time. I pulled her legs a little off the sofa, spreading them open so her entire vulva was exposed to me. Then I slowly inserted my penis. It felt very tight, so I tried a few more times to get it in. I was afraid of hurting her if I forced it in. So I placed the head of my penis on her vulva and rubbed it continuously. I leaned down and kissed her, saying, "Baby, relax, it won't hurt so much." (Sigh, I've never even fucked a virgin, how would I know if it hurts?)
Then I continued to insert it, this time with a little more force, pushing it in deeper.
She gripped my arm tightly and said, "It hurts."
Then I kissed her, continuing to rub my penis against the outside of her vulva, and while kissing, I pushed it in a little further.
I felt like there was a round rubber band inside her vagina. I felt like I could insert it, but the deeper I went, the tighter it got, and then I couldn't go any further.
Then I gritted my teeth, thinking a short, sharp pain was better than a long, drawn-out one, and I thrust it in forcefully. She cried out.
You think that's it! Wrong! It still wasn't fully inserted. I didn't expect breaking her virginity to be so difficult!
Seeing her in pain, I quickly pulled out and saw blood on my penis.
Then I sat on the sofa and pulled her onto my lap.
She still had tears on her face; I hate seeing girls cry, so I quickly comforted her.
She said, "I'm sorry, it really hurts. Can we wait a bit?"
I said, "Okay."
I held her, wiped away her tears, and then chatted with her to distract her.
I asked her, "Why doesn't your bra have clasps?"
She said, "Yes!" I said, "That's impossible! I've been searching behind you for ages and couldn't find the clasp!" She smiled at me with tears in her eyes. I was a little confused; had I made a mistake again? Then she put her hands on her bra and unhooked it, then pulled it off along with her t-shirt. I was stunned.
I immediately took her bra from her hands, looking at it from left to right, feeling incredibly curious—it was like discovering a new continent.
Seeing my serious expression, she said, "You're so silly, adorably silly."
Then she nestled her head against my chest.
Now her chest was completely exposed, so I leaned in and licked her breasts, my left hand stroking her big buttocks, my right arm around her, kissing and caressing her. Soon I could feel her breathing becoming rapid near my ear, so I reached between her legs and felt her vulva; it was wet again. I told her, "This time you're on top, you control the pressure, I'll hurt you if I'm too rough." She didn't say anything, so I took it as a yes. Then I lifted her up and sat her on my lap, placing my penis at the entrance of her vagina. She slowly lowered herself down, and this time it felt noticeably deeper than before. Perhaps feeling the pain, she lifted her buttocks slightly.
Then she slowly sat down again, and so on, back and forth, her sitting down and lifting up. I touched her breasts and teased her nipples.
I remember that on the last thrust, she probably thought a short, sharp pain was better than a long, drawn-out one, biting my arm and sitting down hard, finally my entire penis inside her.
I was in excruciating pain at that moment, but thinking about it, it was worth it.
I felt my entire penis was inside her, and I started thrusting in and out. After a couple of thrusts, she said, "Don't move, it hurts. Can we stop today and do it next time?"
I said okay, and then kissed her head.
I said, "Can I put my penis inside her and just sit like this for a while?" She said okay, "When you move, my vaginal opening hurts so much."
So I just kept my penis inside her vagina, touching her breasts and buttocks while chatting. After a while, she sat up, took out some wet wipes from her bag, and cleaned herself.
I also wiped the blood off my penis. Then I helped her put her clothes on, and I put mine on too. Then we lay down on the sofa facing each other and went to sleep... The whole process of losing my virginity felt so long. I forgot how long it lasted. When I heard her say it hurt, my penis went soft again. Seeing her two big, white breasts, it got hard again, but I didn't dare to go all the way. This process was so painful. But later, when I had sex with my wife for the first time, I found out she was also a virgin.
I don't understand why so many people have a virginity complex. I find losing my virginity really frustrating; I don't experience any pleasure during sex at all. Both times I lost my virginity, it ended with me not ejaculating.

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The deepest impression of losing one's virginity

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