I think I once loved her.

I went to university in Nanjing in 2002. There were four of us in my dorm: one from Korla, Xinjiang; two from Yancheng, Jiangsu; and I from Suzhou, a city in southern China.
That Xinjiang guy was the most flamboyant man I've ever met (I can't think of any other words to describe him). Why? Because as soon as he entered university, he was like a wild dog in heat, completely out of control. I don't know if he watched too much of the popular TV series "Meteor Garden" at the time, but whenever he saw a girl who was even remotely attractive, he would immediately switch into "ladies' man" mode, mimicking the F4 from the show, shamelessly approaching girls and flirting with them, regardless of the occasion or time. He'd go for it without hesitation!
But perhaps because he wasn't quite good-looking enough; or perhaps his overly enthusiastic approach scared and disgusted the girls; or perhaps he would always brazenly glance at the girls while flirting—in short, in my limited memory, he never succeeded in flirting with anyone. And I have to thank this Xinjiang guy for helping me meet Lele.
If I remember correctly, it was during freshman military training. One noon after training, I was eating in the cafeteria with a few roommates. That guy was eating while glancing around the cafeteria. Suddenly, he straightened up. I knew he had spotted his prey again. He grabbed my hand and shook it excitedly, saying,
"Hey, hey, look at that! Look at that!"
I looked in the direction he was pointing, but what was that? The cafeteria was full of people in camouflage uniforms; I couldn't tell who was who. Who knew what he was talking about?
"What?"
"That one!" He looked heartbroken. "The one standing by the recycling bin!"
At that time, our university was promoting civilized dining for a while. If you ate in the cafeteria, you had to put your used utensils in the designated plastic bins after you finished eating, and there was usually an upperclassman wearing a red armband supervising the bins.
I looked in the direction 'Wild Dog' was pointing again and saw a girl wearing a red armband. She was very thin and didn't seem very tall. She was wearing a t-shirt with our school's name printed on it (I remember that very well), and her skin was a bit dark, showing through the sleeves. Because of the distance, I couldn't see her face clearly.
"What, do you know her?" I asked Wild Dog curiously.
"No," Wild Dog shook his head, "but we'll get to know each other soon."
Looking at his smug look as he stared straight at the girl, I was really impressed. He's so indiscriminate, liking all types. To be honest, I'm not interested in girls with dark skin.
Wild Dog ate a few mouthfuls of rice and then walked over with his stainless steel tray. I saw him stupidly hand the tray to the girl first (what an idiot, is that how you pick up girls? He's treating her like a waitress). The girl looked at Wild Dog in surprise and pointed to the plastic basket next to her, indicating that the cutlery should be put there. Just when I thought Dog was going to be turned away again, to my surprise, the two of them actually started chatting. What surprised me even more was that the girl didn't turn away like other girls who would ignore a stray dog after being approached; instead, she politely smiled and responded throughout the entire interaction. My first impression of her was: she was very polite, or perhaps very patient! In any case, a girl who treated Dog like that couldn't be a bad person (sorry, Dog).
In the following days, every time we finished eating in the cafeteria, Dog would take us to throw our trays at that girl, as if showing off his achievements. I also took the opportunity to get a good look at her. She was very thin, about 160cm tall, with dark skin. Although she was pretty, she had two small canine teeth that always showed when she greeted Dog; they were very cute. She had big, bright eyes. In short, she was good-looking, but not my type. Her name was Lele. More than a decade later, as Lele's image fades in my mind, her bright, sparkling eyes remain vividly in my memory.
A few days later, Dog Brother inexplicably changed his target again, never leaving his tray behind after eating in the cafeteria. He would finish his meal, pat his bottom, and leave, leaving me to clean up his tray as well. Perhaps because Dog Brother wasn't bothering me, I could naturally chat with Lele, intentionally or unintentionally (I genuinely had no ulterior motives).
Through gradual contact, I learned that she was a junior in college at the time, two years older than me, from Nantong, Jiangsu, across the river from my hometown. We spoke similar dialects, so we were practically from the same hometown. She had a boyfriend she'd been dating since high school, who was studying at a military academy in Anhui at the time. Later, I learned through other channels that her family wasn't well-off, and she worked as a cafeteria worker every day just to earn a meager 200 yuan monthly work-study allowance from the school. I don't remember the details clearly after that. We exchanged contact information and occasionally texted each other, chatting and joking about trivial things. As we got to know each other better, I sometimes called her "older sister" in text messages, and every time I did, she would reply with, "You're teachable." With continued contact, I gradually discovered that what didn't match her delicate appearance was her usually carefree demeanor and an incredibly strong heart. No matter what she did, she was a woman of her word; once she made up her mind about something, she would never easily change it. She was probably the most "domineering" woman I had ever met, without a doubt.
Sister Lele (II)
I remember it was a few days before the midterm exams in the first semester. I went to the cafeteria alone for dinner and unintentionally saw Sister Lele sitting not far from me, eating with her back to me. I secretly walked over, intending to play a prank on her when I got behind her and scare her.
I tiptoed behind her, ready to give her a surprise. But when I saw the food placed in front of her, my outstretched hand froze in mid-air. Guess what I saw? Only a plate of spicy and sour cabbage, a small bowl of white rice, and a bowl of clear soup provided free of charge by the cafeteria—that was all. During a previous conversation with Lele, she mentioned that her mother wasn't in good health and couldn't work, staying home to recuperate year-round. She also mentioned that her father had gone to work in Jinhua, Zhejiang, to supplement the family income. I had only mentioned it briefly and hadn't paid much attention, completely forgetting about it afterward. Although I knew Lele's family wasn't well-off, in my naive mind at the time, her "well-off" was equated with my family's "well-off." My parents ran a small business, and I still had 1200 yuan a month for living expenses (thinking back now, in the early 2000s, over 1000 yuan a month wasn't a small amount). Although it was always gone by the end of the month, I never neglected my stomach.
To be honest, the food prices at school weren't expensive back then. In my memory, a small portion of spicy and sour cabbage would definitely not have cost more than one yuan, maybe even less. So when I saw the lonely cabbage in front of Lele, a pang of heartache flashed through my mind, fleeting yet incredibly clear. We were just ordinary friends, but at that moment, I had an urge to pull her into my arms and take care of her. I couldn't tell if Lele was eating this because she had a poor appetite, or because she was choosing this difficult option due to her limited monthly allowance.
While I was lost in thought, Lele turned around and noticed me standing behind her. When she realized my gaze was fixed on her dinner, I noticed a hint of embarrassment and a touch of grievance on her face. Although it was only fleeting, her change didn't escape my notice.
"Idiot, you're like a ghost! You walk without making a sound!" Lele patted her chest and said angrily, "You scared me to death!"
"Hehe, are you on a diet? You're already so thin, why are you still dieting..." I quickly changed the
subject, trying to steer the conversation back to something that might embarrass her. The words were barely out of my mouth before it was too late to change them. As the atmosphere grew increasingly awkward, Lele smiled helplessly:
"What diet? I'm broke! I signed up for CET-6 (College English Test Band 6) a few days ago, bought some study guides and practice questions, and my allowance is all gone. I'm practically broke!"
I was just regretting my bluntness when Lele's answer instantly erased my embarrassment.
"Then I'll support you this month, wait for me a moment," I said, and under her slightly surprised gaze, I quickly went to the window and bought some of the most expensive dishes, including fish and meat. When I returned to Lele's seat with the food, I could tell she was a little surprised and touched, but she casually pointed to the dishes and asked in a relaxed tone,
"You really want to support me?"
"Of course," I pointed to the dishes, "Eat!"
"Isn't that a bit inappropriate? Don't you have a girl you like?" Lele thought I was confessing my feelings to her.
Lele knew that I had a crush on someone back then, and I had mentioned Xiaoxiao to her before. She clearly misunderstood that I was confessing my feelings to her in this way.
"What are you thinking? You're my sister, it's only natural for me to take care of you for a few days," I rolled my eyes at her, "Besides, I'll support you until the end of this month, and you have to treat me to a good meal next month."
Lele is a very smart girl, with good emotional and intellectual intelligence. She could tell that I said that only to consider her feelings, so she gave me a deep look and then smiled, "Little rascal, at least you have some conscience. Don't worry, when I become successful, you'll definitely get your share of the benefits, haha." "Then I won't be polite," she said, and started eating the dishes I had prepared. I wasn't sure if she had often just eaten one dish with little nutrition before, or how long she had been living this way. But seeing her enjoying those dishes that didn't seem particularly delicious to me, or at least not eaten like that, I knew her life was far from as easy as it appeared. Thinking about the heavy burden this thin girl carried, a burden I had never experienced, I felt a pang of sadness. At that moment, I had an impulse to take care of her for the rest of my life.
"What are you thinking about?" Lele stopped eating and looked at me with a puzzled expression.
I was pulled back to reality from my reverie: "Nothing." My somewhat absurd idea seemed to have been seen through, and I guiltily picked up a random dish and began to swallow it with a bland taste. But my eyes involuntarily kept glancing at Lele.
Lele seemed to notice my unusual behavior: "Why are you staring at me instead of eating?"
"Because you're prettier than the food!"
Lele blushed, then her expression turned serious:
"You little rascal, you're trying to seduce me after just one meal?"
She then raised her chopsticks, pretending to hit me. I quickly begged for forgiveness, and the meal ended happily amidst the playful banter. After that, every mealtime, I would go out to eat with Lele. I would buy the food, and she would eat. She didn't seem to mind at all, readily accepting my "care." Our daily companionship made us appear to outsiders like a couple. Soon, my roommates discovered my secret because I "abandoned" them at mealtimes. They all complained that I had managed to date a senior without telling them. I was too lazy to explain the true relationship between Lele and me. Sometimes, in front of Lele, they would tease us about it without a care in the world, but Lele never explained it, which surprised me.
At that time, Lele and I were both in love and had our own romantic worlds. I had Xiaoxiao in my heart, and she had her boyfriend. But whenever we heard the outside world confirm that we were a couple, we both tacitly never explained. During that time, our relationship developed very quickly, but it also gradually became a little strange: we were not a couple, but when we were together, we were very intimate. When we were alone together, we would play and joke around, and the physical contact became more frequent. Sometimes I would naturally hold her hand and pinch her face, and she liked to interlock my fingers and then squeeze my fingers hard. She called it the "Ten Cruelest Tortures of the Qing Dynasty". Or she would hug my waist from behind and tickle me...
Lele (Part 3)
When the first semester of my freshman year ended, I went home for winter vacation. Lele was going to find her boyfriend early in the morning, which made me a little jealous. Throughout the holiday, Lele would frequently text me, telling me what she ate that day, where she went, and how difficult it was to see her boyfriend—trivial topics like that. But because I was back in Suzhou, and as the saying goes, "near home, one feels apprehensive," with Xiaoxiao there, my mood became somewhat low. I rarely replied to Lele's texts seriously, mostly just sending her "hmm" or "oh." After the
short winter break, I returned to Nanjing, to Hohai University. Lele had returned to school a few days earlier than me. To my surprise, after learning of my plans the day before my return, she actually came to pick me up at the station herself. The weather in
Nanjing was still quite cold after the New Year. When I got off the train and exited the station, I quickly spotted Lele in the bustling crowd, stamping her feet to keep warm. Seeing her like that, and remembering my perfunctory attitude and inattentiveness towards her during the holiday, I suddenly felt a pang of guilt. I rushed towards her, and as we did, she saw me and walked towards me. When we got close, we hugged like a couple. Lele patted my back and said, "Happy New Year." The whole thing was so natural, without the slightest awkwardness, as if we'd rehearsed that hug a hundred times.
On the bus back to school, Lele and I held hands tightly. Even though the bus was bumpy, we didn't separate for a moment.
At the time, I was very confused about our relationship, and for a while, I even felt like I was the third party in our relationship. But Lele's relationship with her boyfriend didn't seem to be affected at all because of me. Back then, I still didn't have a clear understanding of how things were going between Lele and me. More than ten years later, when I think back to Lele and me back then, I call us "temporary partners"...
After the start of the second semester of my freshman year, perhaps due to the settling of our feelings over the summer, we began to appear on campus like a real couple. We were inseparable every day, eating together, going to the library together, eating her favorite spicy hot pot outside of school, and accompanying me to the internet cafe to play Warcraft. During that time, we would hold hands and kiss like other couples. At night, we would stroll to sparsely populated corners of the campus, passionately kissing and caressing each other's hot bodies through our clothes, as if we were both trying to find a bit of warmth from each other to dispel the cold air. As
the weather warmed up and we shed our bulky winter clothes, wearing thinner and thinner garments, Lele and I would still, as agreed, stroll behind the school buildings and into the grove after dusk, going to any place where hormones flowed in the air, kissing, caressing, and touching. Lele was really thin, with a flat bottom, and her breasts, when she smiled, lacked any softness. She wasn't very tall either. But for me, who had no sexual experience at the time, everything Lele gave me was deeply captivating.
However, it's worth mentioning that during the period when our relationship progressed rapidly, both Lele and I deliberately avoided mentioning anything about her boyfriend or my Xiaoxiao. From an outsider's perspective, Lele wasn't a good woman in the strictest sense. The reason is obvious: she had a boyfriend, yet she constantly demanded what she needed from me, and I, knowing she had a boyfriend, repeatedly took the pleasure that should have belonged to him. Yes, neither of us were good people; we were doing things that hurt her boyfriend every day. To put it bluntly, we were an adulterous couple. But at that time, Lele and I had no regard for morality or ethics.
At the end of my freshman year, on the train back to Suzhou, Lele texted me to tell me she wanted to stay at school to work during the summer vacation. It was just a simple sentence, but I knew she wanted me to be with her. So as soon as I got off the train, I immediately bought a ticket back to Nanjing for a few days later and sent Lele a text: "I'll be there in a few days, wait for me."
Those few days of holiday were nothing more than catching up with friends and classmates I hadn't seen in months, but I was completely distracted during that time. When I was alone, the images of Sister Lele and Xiaoxiao, whom I had a crush on, kept flashing through my mind. Their images were sometimes blurry, sometimes clear. Ironically, neither of them belonged to me at that time, yet because of their existence, I was confused about life, the future, and the future of relationships.
Confused as I was, life had to go on. The few days passed quickly, and I boarded the train back to Nanjing without hesitation.
Just like half a year ago, Sister Lele was already waiting for me when I got off the train. This familiar scene made me feel a little dazed. Six months ago, she was also waiting for my return in the same bad weather, only that time it was freezing cold, and this time it was scorching hot. Looking at her sunburnt face, I almost felt relieved at that moment. I asked myself if I had been overthinking things all along, worrying about gains and losses. At least we could be by each other's side and feel happy, and that was enough.
During summer vacation, Lele worked as a student employee at an advertising company near the Olympic Sports Center. Her job mainly involved inputting advertising plans into the computer and creating electronic files. I, on the other hand, enrolled in a driving school, planning to get my driver's license during the two-month break. The evenings we spent together were the happiest and most anticipated times. My first time happened during that period. It was just like any other time; we were being intimate in a secluded corner of the campus. Perhaps because of the hot weather, we were both particularly restless. Just moments before, I was caressing her long legs in flesh-colored stockings, and I slowly lifted her skirt to slip my hand inside her panties. Lele grabbed my hand, looking at me with a mischievous grin: "What are you doing, you pervert!"
I was stunned. Why didn't she say anything when I was touching her all over before, that a little more intensity made me a pervert? Of course, I couldn't say that out loud.
"No, I just wanted to check on my development," I laughed.
"Stop it!" Lele laughed at my antics, pinching the back of my hand that was constantly reaching inside. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"
Actually, in the nearly six months of intimate interactions we've had since the first semester's winter break, it's all been kissing and touching, never anything more. But to say I never thought about sex would be absolute nonsense. However, back then I had no sexual experience, and besides, in college at that time, if a girl got pregnant unexpectedly, both parties would be punished by the school, and in serious cases, even expelled (colleges were still quite conservative compared to now). I was rather timid, or rather, a bit indecisive, so every time I was intimate with Lele, it was limited to me kissing and touching her, never anything else. Although Lele is usually very outgoing, in these situations, she doesn't have her usual boldness. She would just wrap her arms around my neck, close her eyes, completely immersed in my "intrusion" on her, without making any further moves.
Just as I was about to get intimate a little longer before heading back to my dorm to rest, Lele suddenly did something that completely surprised me. Taking advantage of my inattention, she suddenly grabbed my erect penis through my pants:
"It's gotten bigger..." She then looked at me with a mischievous grin and deliberately squeezed it a few times. Holy crap,
I felt all the blood rush to my head, my head spinning, and everything around me began to feel unreal. This was the first time in my life that a girl had caught me red-handed; I was completely unprepared. Lele's action caught me completely off guard. When I came to my senses, I made a decision:
"If you don't let go, I'll eat you alive!" My breathing became rapid: "I can't take it, sis."
"How do you eat?" Lele must have sensed my increasingly heavy breathing, but she didn't intend to stop there. Her hand, still gripping my crotch, didn't loosen; instead, she kneaded it lightly and heavily a few times. "Do you know how to eat, little brother?"
Things had progressed to this point. If I had been able to calmly push Lele's hand away from her teasing behavior, I would have seriously questioned my sexual orientation.
I grabbed Lele's hand, turned, and walked out of the school. At that moment, all thoughts of punishment and expulsion became worthless, instantly forgotten. All I could think about was making love, getting her, getting Lele, getting this senior with her adorable little tiger teeth when she smiled, getting the senior who took my first kiss. Lele knew what was about to happen; perhaps she had already planned for everything that would unfold tonight. She didn't resist my actions at all, simply letting me lead her into a nearby hotel.
Lele wasn't as nervous as I'd expected. From using her room card to open the door, to undressing and showering, and finally finding the switch to adjust the bedside lamp under the bedside table, her practiced ease and naturalness convinced me that Lele's experience was far richer than I'd imagined. At least in front of an inexperienced virgin like me, she definitely deserved the title of "sister." I don't know if Lele was nervous or regretful about our affair, but for the first ten minutes or so after entering the room, she didn't speak to me. She just silently finished her shower and got into bed. When I came out of the bathroom and lay down on the bed, nervously hugging her from behind, I noticed her body was trembling slightly. Her behavior told me she wasn't much better off.
I don't remember the rest of the process very clearly. I only remember that as I was groping to enter her, she was very dry down there, and I could only clumsily push in. The dryness at our point of contact seemed to make her uncomfortable. Stimulated by this tension and the dry friction from my genitals, I ejaculated without warning, some of it onto her vulva, and most onto the sheets. The whole thing only took about one or two minutes. Seeing this, Lele silently got up and began cleaning up the traces I had left.
After resting for a while, my penis became aroused again, but after some tenderness, when I tried to enter her again, Lele's genitals were still as dry as a desert. Perhaps she still had an unconscious reservation and aversion to this act of betrayal, preventing her from getting into the mood. Despite my constant caresses and kisses, things didn't improve. Just as I was about to give up, Sister Lele went to the bathroom, got some shower gel, and applied it to our genitals. This time, I easily penetrated her slender body…
As time went on, I dated more women and had sex more often. I had long forgotten what Sister Lele looked like that night. I only remembered that the next day she asked me to buy a box of something called 'Yuting' (a Chinese emergency contraceptive), which confirmed that I had left my scent inside her. That was the only time we made love. Perhaps out of regret and self-blame, Sister Lele never made that kind of advance again, and I never made that request either. Although we still held hands and kissed, I knew that after that night, Sister Lele's feelings for me could never return to the intimate closeness we once had.
As I expected, in Lele's final semester before graduation, she buried herself in the library preparing for her postgraduate entrance exam, while I, having finally confirmed my relationship with my crush, abruptly ended my connection with Lele. We would still occasionally have a meal together and chat, but that was all; nothing more.
The summer after my sophomore year, Lele was admitted to Shanghai Jiao Tong University for postgraduate studies. One evening before graduation, I formally treated her to dinner that cost me a month's living expenses. We ate and chatted, reminiscing about the past few years. As for that night a month earlier, we chose to keep it in our hearts, or perhaps, forget it completely…
In the time after she left, the only thing keeping us in touch—text messages—gradually decreased until I changed my phone number, and Lele completely disappeared from my life, never to be heard from again.
After graduation, I often mentioned Lele in online chats with my friend, and he always expressed regret that Lele and I didn't end up together. I never explained the truth to him.
I've never been sure where my feelings for Lele came from. Perhaps it was sympathy for her difficult situation at the time, or maybe it was seeking comfort from her during a period of emptiness and confusion, or perhaps it was something else entirely. But I know it wasn't love. The only person I've ever truly loved in my life is Xiaoxiao. Even after spending that night with Lele, I still don't believe love and sex can be confused. It's like how Gou Ge gave his virginity to a middle-aged woman in a hair salon; he would never consider that love.
For Lele, there's only gratitude, perhaps.
Goodbye, and never again .

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/119061.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=119061&aspx=1

Previous Page : Demi's Diary Ch.1 Original First Release

Next Page : My classmates almost found out that my brother and I were playing games in bed.

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

I think I once loved her.

comment Open a new window to view comments