Senior

That summer, I had just entered my second year of university. To pay for my living expenses and registration fees for the next semester, I started working at a
trading company, partly to study and partly to grow myself. My job was quite mundane; besides
being a junior employee, I also had to be the boss's driver. The boss treated me very well, not just as an ordinary employee
. He often had me accompany him to evening business dinners, encouraging me to learn and observe conversations, and teaching me
to analyze business psychology and dialogue. It was truly a fulfilling summer. One day, the company's legal counsel came to the office, and the boss happily introduced me to her.
The boss said, "Attorney Jiang! Let me introduce you to one of your juniors; he worked for my company this summer." That's how
I met Ms. Jiang. Later, due to work-related matters, she often frequented the company, and I had
more and more opportunities to help her with things and chat with her. Unconsciously, I came to regard her as an ideal. She was
a very mature and charming woman. She was intelligent, decisive, and remarkably calm—I admired her.
Beneath her beautiful exterior lay a sharp tongue, and she always dressed impeccably; in fact, she was a natural
clothes hanger.
I so wished she could come to the company every day, giving me more opportunities to get closer to her. But she
only came once or twice a week, while I looked forward to going to work every day.
Two , my senior colleague said to me, "Junior, school's starting soon, so I won't see you as often.
I'd like to treat you to dinner after work tonight. Don't have any plans?" I said, "It depends on whether my boss needs me to go out with him tonight
. Besides, I'm not used to being treated by girls!" She said somewhat disappointedly, "Okay! It's rare that I have free time,
but you're busier than me." I regretted not accepting her offer then. I remained in this state of regret until almost the end of the workday
. As I was about to leave work, my boss said to me, "Didn't Miss Jiang say she wanted to treat you to dinner tonight? Just go ahead! I
don't have anything planned for tonight. It's only right that a senior treats her junior to a meal. She'll come pick you up later."
I froze, unsure whether to be happy or nervous, and could only obediently say, "Yes! Thank you, Ms. Wang."
That night, she picked me up in a red BMW 325, and we
dined at Huaxin Steakhouse at the intersection of Chang'an East Road and Linsen North Road. It was a really nice place. Besides the live piano and violin performance
, the waiters were very friendly. I chatted with her about everything at National Taiwan University, and watching her squinting as she reminisced about
the past was truly beautiful. Back then, she was like a goddess in my eyes. I could only worship
her.
After nine o'clock, we left the restaurant. She wanted to have some fun like she did in college, so I
naturally became her protector. She generously handed me the car keys and told me to
drive as I was used to, without being too formal. So I pressed the accelerator hard and drove onto the Jianguo Elevated Road leading to
the highway. We drove along the coastal highway to Ruifang, then headed north through Keelung, Yehliu, and Jinshan before reaching
Yangmingshan , covering 150 kilometers in just two hours. Even though it was summer, the summit of Datun Mountain was quite cold.
A strong wind whipped through our thin summer clothes, and before I knew it, she was snuggling against me.
The scent of her hair, mixed with a faint perfume, intoxicated me. It wasn't the scent of a
hostess , but a body that truly moved me, making me want to embrace her. Without thinking, I boldly placed my hand on her shoulder,
slowly sliding it down to her waist. I embraced her—a woman seven years older than me. My nose
brushed against her hairline. I was lost in her tenderness. My lower body was filled with passion, and my
reason was filled with contradiction. We were just a senior and junior, the gap between us was too vast!
...Impossible...impossible...I respect her, and she respects me. Let's just pretend this is just
an escape the biting cold.
Nothing happened between us that night! ...
The next day at the company, the boss looked at me ambiguously and teased me, "Were you
drunk with Miss Jiang?" I could only blush and feel embarrassed. The manager also asked me with great interest where I was. Sigh
! Am I a genius? Am I insensitive, or am I overthinking things? My heart was pounding and I was at a loss
. I had so many fantasies, but none of them were realistic. I was really drunk. Although I only had a pre-dinner drink last night,
the contact after dinner made me deeply drunk.
My senior still comes to the company occasionally. He talks to me as usual. I can't tell if he
has any feelings for me. Is... I was overthinking it. Sigh! If only this were a dream. But it wasn't a dream.
About a week before I left, my senior colleague came to the company every day to handle things. Actually, I could have easily delegated those tasks to her
via fax or phone, but she insisted on personally teaching me how to do them. I'm
not that stupid! She was really disrespectful, as if she was afraid I wouldn't do a good job. Meanwhile, her actions towards me became increasingly intimate. She
would constantly touch my hair, pat my shoulder, and even inquire about my past relationships. I was confused about whether she saw me as an older sister
guiding a younger brother or just toying with my feelings.
The day before I left, the boss treated the whole office to a farewell dinner, and my senior colleague came too.
He knew I could drink a lot and, being used to going out with the boss, he urged his colleagues to get me drunk, joking that I was still
underage were going to a second job later. I couldn't go to the round, so they got me drunk so it would be easier for everyone. My senior was
yelling at me, "You guys just bully my junior! Mr. Wang, aren't you afraid I'll tell the boss's wife?
Or Manager Qiu, aren't you afraid of your wife?" She shielded me from a lot of drinks, but I was still completely drunk
. So I didn't go to the Grand Fortune with them anymore, and my senior considerately took me back to my dorm.
I drank too much Shaoxing wine, and my head was about to explode. I kept vomiting in my senior's car, and she couldn't bear to leave
me alone at my NTU dorm, so she took me back to her home on Ren'ai Road, Section 3. I don't know how she managed to
shower me, change me into a bathrobe, and put me on her bed. In the morning... I woke up at 10 a.m., and my senior
had already gone to work. She only left a note telling me to eat the breakfast in the fridge by myself. Since I didn't have a key,
I didn't dare leave her apartment. She wasn't in the office, and her phone wasn't working, so I just sat there reading the newspaper
, eating, and watching TV all day at her place. Luckily, she came back early that day.
She wanted to take me out to eat again, but I refused because I wasn't used to paying for her. So I took her to a South Korean restaurant I
knew well the most upscale place I could afford. I had saved up
money all summer, and I couldn't spend it all too quickly. Haha! The owner seemed to know me well; it was the first time I'd brought a girl to his place.
We ate without paying. We ended up eating a lot of grilled meat and kimchi. Afterwards, I went to her
house.
I loved watching her make coffee, skillfully moving the alcohol lamp and stirring the coffee grounds. She drank her
coffee without sugar, while I still had lots of creamer and sugar. She laughed, saying it was a waste of her fragrant coffee, all
the flavor was gone. Then she mixed some brandy into the coffee and asked if I wanted some, and I tried it out of
curiosity . Finally, we finished the coffee, and then we watched TV while drinking brandy,
sipping it little by little. My senior doesn't drink much, and she got drunk quickly. She
nestled . I wasn't drunk physically, but my heart was. I gently stroked her hair, and we were
so close on the sofa, as if she were my lover. We were both wearing thin shirts, the feel of our skin
against each other was so clear. I stroked her calves through her stockings, my hand gradually moving up to her face, caressing her
ears. Looking into her eyes, I forgot to take off my glasses and kissed her forehead. My lips
roamed , her ears, the tip of her nose, her cheeks… I finally kissed her lips.
I knew she wouldn't refuse, so I boldly kissed her neck, sliding downwards. She proactively
unbuttoned the top button of her shirt, and I kissed her necklace, burying my face deep in her
chest, breathing heavily. A scent of sex hormones filled my mind. Her hands
pulled my shirt out and slipped inside my chest, caressing me. (I used to be an athlete, with larger and stronger
pectoral muscles than most, and muscular shoulders.) My shirt was unbuttoned, so I unbuttoned hers too. Now
she was only wearing a bra covering her breasts, her obvious cleavage pressing against my nose, making it
hard ! At that moment, we both instinctively helped each other remove our lower garments. She was left with only her underwear and
bra , and I was only wearing my briefs. Those briefs were stretched taut, as if they were about to burst.
She closed her eyes, waiting for my next move, but I was afraid. I turned and went into the bathroom to take a cold shower.
I couldn't do that to my senior. She was drunk, I pretended to think, but no matter how much
cold water I poured on it, my penis remained erect. I couldn't lie to myself; I liked her, I really liked him. Just then, my senior
came into the bathroom and hugged me, crying. She asked me why I liked her but ignored her, and I didn't know either
. There was a real gap between us. I was just a sophomore, and my major made me feel lost about my future,
while my senior already had a career and assets. What right did I have to be with her? I was afraid of what people around me would say.
I didn't want to be a weak man; I wanted to be proud and be myself.
I still didn't assault my senior. And so, we slept naked together that night
. That night felt so long. I went to the bathroom so many times to masturbate that my skin was chafed raw. The next morning, I
went to choose my courses. After registering, my pager went off again, and I hesitated to call back.
Finally, the next day, I couldn't resist calling her. Because I really liked her, and if
I liked her why make things difficult for myself? Her voice was a little hoarse, as if she had been crying all night. I felt
an indescribable heartache. From childhood to adulthood, apart from my mother, no one had ever been as gentle and considerate to me as he was.
When found out she was at home, I immediately rode my bike to find her.
She lay in my arms and talked to me for a full six hours, from 6 pm until midnight.
We forgot we were going to eat, and then we ate something at the night market on Da'an Road.
My senior, she's always been competitive, never wanting to lose to anyone since childhood. She's never
been interested Back in National Taiwan University, she had countless suitors, but she always coldly rejected them all.
She believed women could live without men and had an extreme distrust of them. She thought men were
only attracted to her because of her looks, and she disdained superficial material things. She decided to live alone
, not to be controlled by men. As time passed, her life became empty and lonely. The more she socialized, the more
repulsed she became towards men. Is masculinity something every man boasts about? Perhaps I'm still
naive ! She actually liked a romantic, unrestrained, and somewhat irresponsible young man. At first
, she treated me like a younger brother, hoping to teach me things beyond textbooks, hoping I wouldn't be like the average
college student lacking social experience, and wanting me to have more mature thinking. Unconsciously, she grew to like my
happiness ; she wanted the same carefree life as me. But I gradually drifted away from my original self, becoming objectified by
society , forgetting my youthful arrogance. Yet, the thrill I felt when I was with her seemed to return to
those days. I had an impulse to act recklessly, regardless of whether she was a princess or a fairy; I was merely a
mortal , an insignificant nobody. I wanted to treat her well and love her for the rest of my life. I believed no woman could ever
move me like that again.
After dinner, we returned to her house, and I naturally took a bath with her. She carefully
scrubbed my entire body with a loofah, and I had never felt so refreshed. I washed
every inch of her body in return. We were intimately naked before each other, drying each other's bodies and hair.
We enjoyed the beauty of each other's bodies, and I finally let my soul enter her body. She cried,
she really cried. Twenty-eight years of restraint were released that night. That day was September 4th, a day I
will never forget.
From then on, I spent almost every night in my senior's small apartment. My classmates and friends could
hardly find me except through pagers. No matter how wildly I played at school and got
all dirty, she would always clean me up. What did I do to deserve
such devotion from her, yet I couldn't help but love her. I wanted to escape her kindness, I wished she would be angry with me, I wanted to do things for
her , but before I got home, she had already tidied up her apartment
perfectly (Oh my god!! I actually treated her apartment as my home). The only thing I could give her was our nightly
intimacy, and she always seemed to satisfy me more than I satisfied her. Often, with excess energy, I would need
her to be with me twice a night, and sometimes I wanted to spend a little more time with her in the morning. I was like a sex machine,
releasing all the energy I couldn't fully utilize on the sports field onto her.
We were together like this for almost a semester. One evening, after we had enjoyed each other's company, she leaned contentedly
against my chest, gently stroking my sweaty forehead. She said to me, "If I could..."
"How wonderful it would be to have a baby like you! I hope he/she is healthy, energetic, and always optimistic and full of life." I
... didn't know what to say, only managing a soft "Oh!" It was then that I suddenly realized
I had never used any contraception. I had always assumed my senior was taking birth control pills, but I
had never seen her take them, and there were no pills like birth control pills in her drawer. I was devastated and couldn't
accept this. I was completely unprepared to face a new life. How could I treat my baby?
I was only a sophomore in college, not even a soldier yet!
Gradually, I discovered she was pregnant. She stopped being affectionate, her food preferences changed, and she
sometimes felt dizzy and nauseous. We didn't mention the pregnancy to each other, but I stopped letting her do many things
. I went to fewer school clubs, rushing home after class every day to finish her usual
tasks . I also stopped bothering her by getting myself all dirty. Suddenly, things became
very cold between us. I didn't have much to say about school, and she didn't discuss her day with me either.
It seemed like we were in a cold war, waiting for someone to speak first.
I'm a coward; I couldn't face this reality. I could only silently accept it, while she bravely
quit her job at the firm. She was preparing to become a mother; I saw it all, but I was completely unprepared.
Every night, she went to a bunch of classes, both trivial and meaningful, like flower arranging and cooking... I gradually started
sleeping more often in my school dormitory. Lying next to her, I always longed for her tenderness.
During winter break, I went home for the New Year, while she went on vacation to the United States. I never imagined she would never come back.
In her letter, she told me that one child was enough for her. I was the only man in her life, and she didn't want
another . Our fate ended there. She didn't want me to feel burdened or make any promises. She wanted me to forget the past
, to focus on myself, and not to dwell on it anymore.
I choked back tears many nights, still remembering her tenderness. A child without a father,
raised independently by his mother, who didn't even know who his father was. A father only knows that his child is stranded in
a foreign land , suffering bullying and abuse all by himself. Why, why would she rather her child
grow up like this? Why did she make me know that this child exists? Is it a debt I owe her from a past life, or a debt she
owes me? I am not an irresponsible man, why does she make me endure this abyss of pain? I
am willing to treat them well for the rest of my life and not let her bear everything for the child alone. Perhaps I
have nothing , perhaps I am unworthy, but one day I will have my own sky.
Now it has been more than three years, and the children should be more than three years old, and I still have no news of them. I
am writing this down during the break before I join the army. Perhaps I will die for my country after I leave the army, or perhaps I am
worrying unnecessarily . In any case, I hope someone will know this story. Maybe one day you will meet my old lover,
maybe you will meet my child. If you know this story, I hope you can tell them my longing.
I hope they will know that I have never forgotten. Perhaps, if fate allows, I can still rekindle my relationship with my senior.

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