A Single Woman's Monologue

I am just a woman, an ordinary woman, a single woman struggling to make ends meet. When I am bullied, I need protection; when I am wronged, I need comfort; when I am tired, I need someone to lean on. But where is he? Where is he? Why is it so difficult? Why is my life so hard?
Under this dark night sky, I wonder if there are others like me, suffering from insomnia? If so, do their souls, like mine, bear so much helplessness and sorrow? Are they searching for their true selves in the darkness of the night? Has their heart also lost its boundaries, their soul leaving their body, carrying sorrow, wandering in the boundless night sky, searching?
Every time, when the night is deep and quiet, my lonely heart indulges in fantasies, hoping that the sky will never brighten, hoping that tomorrow will never come, letting this darkness last forever! Quietly, alone until the end of time, neither hurting nor being hurt. Without love, without hate, the soul leaves the body—perhaps this is the highest realm of thought!
But my heart always opposes my thoughts, betraying itself intentionally or unintentionally. I could clearly hear the ticking of the clock, as if telling my daydreaming heart that dawn was fast approaching and wouldn't stop for me.
Years ago, I'd kept my phone on 24/7, though it would habitually fall silent at night. In the stillness of the night, I listened to sad songs, another long-standing habit. The lingering voices and poignant melodies brought a faint sadness, seemingly penetrating to the bone, pulling at my soul. I liked these melancholic songs; I always felt that sadness held many stories and vicissitudes.
I'm a single woman, living a simple life, quiet and silent, as if everything had drifted away. I feel increasingly withdrawn; entering a bustling crowd often brings a sense of loneliness. So sometimes I'll keep joking and laughing with everyone, trying to pretend I'm happy and strong. Only I know that my heart is actually lonely, desolate, bleeding, weeping, and crying…
Like many who fear loneliness, I also fear loneliness. Often, even amidst the noise, I remain lonely and desolate, so lonely I want to cry, longing for a shoulder to lean on, even if only briefly. However, my stubborn personality and my "better to have nothing than something bad" spirit forbid me from participating in the turmoil of the world, nor allow myself to enter into those fantasies of romantic relationships. I prefer solitude and hate gossip. I can only be alone, wandering on the edge of loneliness!
Because of work, QQ, like me, rarely has time for chatting. I suffer from insomnia, and it keeps me company. Although I have many friends, I don't want to communicate with any of them. Perhaps they added me because they like my writing, captivated by my melancholic works. Even though they've become friends, I've chosen to remain silent towards them for a long time. Occasionally I visit other people's social media profiles, occasionally I comment and share, occasionally we banter with each other... I'm in quite a few QQ groups, but I seem to have grown tired of group chats, tired of the illusory laughter and banter, tired of the fake praise in video and voice chats, tired of the backstabbing and infighting within them...
Opening my wardrobe, looking at all those outfits, I wonder who I'm wearing them for? Who am I wearing them for? I used to be a shopaholic, once known as a "clothing fanatic," a "fairy," but I wonder if I still have the desire and the mood to shop?
In this bustling city, I force a smile hoping someone will see through it, hoping someone will understand my inner world, hoping for someone who will do everything in their power to make me smile happily. There is a kind person who has always been good to me, unchanged over the years. And I don't want to hurt him, but every time his kindness is met with the same two words—rejection! I don't know what he feels, but all I can offer is rejection, followed by a thousand apologies in my heart.
I always believed that love would quietly await someone's arrival on life's journey. But so many years have passed, and I'm still wandering in confusion! I've walked so far, losing things along the way. The happiness I should have had is gone, while loneliness that shouldn't be mine is all I possess. This contradictory mindset has made me more stubborn, even making my thoughts seem unconventional to others. A friend told me I'm sick, an incurable illness… Deep down, I know I am sick; I need time to heal. Everyone says time is the best healer, but why doesn't it work for me? I'm lost…
Night and day alternate, who orchestrated this sorrow, so hastily unfolding scene after scene… At night, I stand by the window, looking at this vast city, yet I can't find a faithful partner to cherish for life, making my lonely heart feel even more desolate and sorrowful!

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/117218.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=117218&aspx=1

Previous Page : A woman's monologue

Next Page : Wearing sexy underwear can easily lead to gynecological diseases.

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

A Single Woman's Monologue

comment Open a new window to view comments