How I agreed to my husband's request

My husband has been away these past few days, and I've been thinking a lot. I've told him I wanted to write down my feelings, and he's willing to let me express them, since we only get to be together on weekends. It's quieter being alone, so I'm sharing our story tonight, wishing all couples a loving and happy life.
I'm 31 years old and a mother of a 6-year-old son. My husband is a year older than me; we're both from the post-80s generation.
I remember meeting him at a gathering with fellow villagers during the Dragon Boat Festival holiday when I was 23. He was working in Hangzhou at the time, and we were from the same hometown. I worked in Suzhou, where we had mutual friends. I'd heard about him from my girlfriends before, but we only truly met on the Dragon Boat Festival. At that time, I felt a bit distant from him. He seemed mature and stable, and as my girlfriends said, he was quite handsome, giving off a very energetic vibe. I, on the other hand, felt a bit naive and insecure because my job was unstable and I was constantly feeling lost. My only joy was visiting my girlfriends from my hometown when I had free time. After he returned to Hangzhou, we kept in touch. Gradually, our relationship solidified, and eventually, I truly couldn't live without him. At the end of the year, we got engaged and married together.
After marriage, we both worked in Hangzhou. Like most couples, our life was ordinary. After having a child, I continued working, always striving to be a good wife and devoted to him. My husband was generally good to me, but men are men, and occasionally they're disobedient or pleasure-seeking. However, after a small argument, we quickly made up. In terms of our sex life, after a while, I always felt something was missing, but as a woman, I couldn't actively demand anything. My husband is naturally careless. Later, he got a lot of pornographic films for us to watch together. We had watched them before, but now he discusses them with me, and he's become increasingly considerate. I understand myself; I'm completely open and relaxed during intimacy with my husband, and I'm content. He always tries different things to make our time together. I've always been devoted to him, and of course, I expect the same from him. I know he's involved with other women, but I've seen him do things that are inappropriate, or perhaps he did things I don't know about. I'd rather he didn't. Later, at work, I met a man I really liked—a colleague who was also married. I only harbored this secret crush; I never expressed it, and I certainly wouldn't let my husband know my feelings. Later, my husband became more outgoing, and we often joked around. He said beautiful women have many suitors. I told him I only had eyes for him, and he smiled and said he'd be happy even if others pursued him. He's very magnanimous in this respect. At first, I thought he didn't care about me. Because I'm a very conservative woman, especially when it comes to relationships—once I've committed, it's for life. My husband trusts me completely in this regard. He loves and cherishes me, and later even encouraged me to find more enjoyment in life. Of course, I know that a person's life can't revolve solely around eating, working, and sleeping, especially for women. Sometimes, a woman may indeed feel loved, even by someone other than her husband, but that's just a fleeting fantasy. She always feels guilty for thinking too much about it, as if she's betraying her husband. So she continues with a mundane existence. That night, after we made love, we were chatting and laughing when I asked my husband, "Have you ever thought about cheating?" His answer was yes. I was immediately upset. I know that after having a child, things aren't as good as before, and we've been married for a long time, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. My husband chuckled and said that cheating was just a thought, but the fact that I had those thoughts still in my heart made me angry. That night, I ignored him and went to sleep alone. He noticed my unhappiness and kept apologizing. I know men's words are increasingly unreliable these days, and the temptations in society are ever-growing. But I know my husband and I only have a minor disagreement; he won't leave me, and I certainly won't leave him. Later, I became more proactive in our sex life. We tried all sorts of positions, and I became increasingly seductive in my words and actions. My husband loved it. I enjoyed giving him oral sex, loved the feeling of kissing his penis, and he did the same for me. He always liked to ejaculate in my mouth, and I got used to it. Seeing his satisfied expression gave me a sense of accomplishment. This change allowed me to experience a woman's true joy. My husband did a great job; I was better than him. I'd become much more cheerful before. Then one time we were watching porn, and we saw two men having sex with one woman. I used to think it was unbelievable, but after watching it so many times, I didn't think much of it anymore. Suddenly,
my husband asked me if I liked being done that to him. I casually said yes because I had an arousal at the time. Also, my husband and I often joke around, especially during sex, and we often say very suggestive things. After I said that, my husband became serious and said he'd wanted to find a handsome guy to have sex with me for a long time, asking me what I thought. I was furious. I thought it was one thing to joke around, but I never expected him to actually think and do that. I firmly refused, saying I would never do that, not even if it killed me. But my husband kept saying in my ear that he loved me and cherished me. But I said, "Your..." How can a woman be shared with others? My husband said, "Because we love each other, our married life needs some adjustment and novelty. He said women should enjoy themselves too." I firmly denied his statement. In my heart, I've always wanted to be a good wife, and I don't want to be ruined by this. But my husband said, "It's just about finding a man who won't bother you and having some fun together. There are many such people in society these days." I questioned him about how he knew, and he showed me a lot of information and pictures about pornography and sex. I didn't know he was secretly looking at these things. I had seen online that many couples were indeed exchanging information, and many of them were scams. This was my first time encountering couples dating on websites, and I was a little incredulous and curious, but I didn't answer in order not to cooperate with my husband. Instead of letting him think about those things, I went to sleep. My husband was away for a few days, and I reopened the website myself. I saw a lot of couples chatting online; I was shocked by how open it was. I thought it was so perverted, how could they do that? But seeing some of their explicit pictures still aroused me, and I even became wet. I felt a little ashamed. I looked at it every night my husband was away. Later, when my husband came back, we had sex together that night. I fantasized about two men touching and kissing me. That night I felt very aroused, but my husband ejaculated quickly, leaving me unsatisfied. After we finished, I chatted with my husband, and he said he didn't mind me interacting with other men and that I should take the initiative to approach other men. It sounded like my husband didn't mind. He cares about me, but I know what he cares about. He later said that it's precisely because he loves and cherishes me that he can openly and selflessly share happiness with me. It sounds like he's doing it for me, but I still feel a little uneasy. However, my husband has always seemed very sincere. He said that this way we would be more loving and maintain a happier marriage. Life is short, and perspectives need to change. My husband wants me to genuinely experience the feeling of a happy woman. During that time, my husband was very good to me. I felt that he definitely didn't love or cherish me. He kept urging me to agree to be with him. Although I wasn't that averse to it, I always felt scared, but I didn't know what I was scared of. Thinking about the scenarios my husband described, I felt a little excited. It seemed really thrilling. I thought about how secretive infidelity and unrequited love for other men still exist in society today. If my husband truly wants more pleasure and excitement in our sex life, it would indeed make our love stronger. Later, my husband and I frequently discussed those topics. While I didn't explicitly agree, I tacitly consented. My husband noticed my change, and I told him I wouldn't pursue men I didn't like. He chuckled and said he'd slowly find someone who satisfied me before taking action. Gradually, I started talking to him about what kind of men I was looking for, what I should be careful about, and what I shouldn't do. My husband cares about my feelings. I noticed he mostly dates men, or couples, not women. I don't want him to date other women. Call me selfish, but I just want my husband to only date me. So I told him I still can't accept... If he really wanted another man, I wouldn't object. My husband was very happy and listened to everything I said. This shows that he wasn't just looking for his own pleasure. The idea of his woman not being possessed by other men might sound unacceptable, but it actually gave him a greater sense of excitement. It made him feel the greater allure of his woman being intimately touched by others. If a woman is always only enjoyed by her husband and never receives care from other men, it becomes too dull. A beautiful woman should have the feeling of being flirted with by other men; that would make her husband cherish and pamper her even more. If a woman only has one man in her life, it's a tragedy. Besides, under my husband's guidance, I'm just experiencing another kind of more pleasurable pleasure. It doesn't affect our respective lives and is safe and feasible, so I gradually accepted it.
After three months, my husband finally found two nice guys, one 25 and the other 32. I met them a few times via video. Later, for some reason, I chose the 25-year-old. I thought he was young, looked clean, and wasn't married. After setting a time and place, the three of us ate together first, then strolled around West Lake, and then checked into a hotel. I was still very uneasy and shy the first time, but with my husband there, I went along with his arrangements. In the room, the young man was very cheerful and clean, which made me feel like I was getting a good deal. Overall, I felt very good about him. We had chatted for a long time beforehand, and he kept calling me "sister-in-law." Later, after my husband and I took a shower together, the young man went to shower by himself. During this time, my husband had already hugged me and started kissing and caressing me. I'll skip the rest. After the young man came out of the shower, he joined in. Facing two men constantly caressing and kissing my body, I truly felt a different kind of pleasure. After the first time, I became even more uninhibited the second time, and we had sex three or four times. It really made me feel free. After that experience, we met up again a month and a half later. We didn't create any negative impact; my husband loves and cherishes me even more, and I've become more cheerful. I know that this will make my husband treat me even better and prevent him from cheating. He says there's no point or interest in cheating now; he feels guilty for secretly seeing me. I feel the same way. Before, I might have had crushes on other men, but now I'm open about everything. I don't secretly harbor thoughts about my husband or other men. I feel the joy of transparent communication and love. I love my husband, and he's even sweeter and more loving than before.
Writing this, I hope that couples can approach dating with a positive mindset, truly getting to know each other and enjoying happiness together. I'm so glad I didn't push things too far back; otherwise, my husband would be unhappy, I wouldn't experience happiness, and our love wouldn't have deepened. After this experience, everyone says that couples become more loving, and now I believe it. Thank you to all the friends who advised and suggested things to me before. Please forgive me if I said anything wrong; now I'm the same as you, haha!
It's too late, I'll stop here! Time to sleep!

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How I agreed to my husband's request

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