A wife swap's true feelings

What did couples' online dating bring me?

For me, couples' online dating isn't the strange, niche, dangerous, continuous, and addictive game or lifestyle that everyone imagines. For me, it's simply a breaking of a mindset, like a threshold in our lives. Whether you hesitate, worry, or look forward to it, once you cross it, you'll find that life hasn't changed much, but your perspective and way of thinking have completely changed.

Take myself as an example. When I first got married, I was someone who couldn't even accept my husband watching porn. I would laugh at him for lacking a proper, positive life pursuit, and mock him as a typical sex-driven person. In my own sex life, I rarely discussed my feelings with my husband, talked about our respective preferences, and then actively adjusted our relationship. Back then, sex was very shy; we'd do it secretly under the covers.

But when we jointly experienced breaking the exclusiveness of love—couples' online dating—everything changed. These changes were subtle yet profound, not just in terms of enriching our lifestyle, but more importantly, in changing our way of thinking:

1. We could talk freely about sex.

Any sexual topic—sexual minorities, sexual practices, sexual fantasies, sexual expectations, sexual needs, etc.—can be discussed openly and without reservation, and solutions can be found together. There's also a greater sense of tolerance and understanding towards men, creatures for whom sex is a primary source of motivation. For example, during my second pregnancy, I knew to be attentive to my husband's libido and proactively change my approach to be considerate, unlike my first pregnancy when I was self-centered, indifferent, restricted his viewing of porn, mocked him for thinking of masturbation during such a crucial time, and worried about him having affairs or falling in love. Now, when I occasionally feel aroused, I'll tell my husband I'm looking forward to a date, and he'll allow me to release my passion. If we share a sexual fantasy, we'll try to cooperate and explore that fantasy together. We often reflect on the quality of our relationship and sex life, taking all possible steps to enhance each other's enjoyment.

2. Sexual attitudes are much more open, and I can face myself directly.

Now, I feel that all sexual behaviors and practices, as long as they are needed and practiced, are understandable, and I don't look down on or despise them. For example, in the past, when friends confided in me about SM, incest, or group sex, I might have presumptuously tried to help them out of their confusion. But now, I listen more, hoping they can find their own happiness without being hurt, and telling them not to feel guilty; there's no absolute right or wrong in this world. With more open attitudes towards sex, there's greater freedom to express one's needs and thoughts. We can discuss lifestyle improvements with my husband at any time. For example, there might be periods when I want to abandon everything to travel, periods when I want to focus on a casual relationship, and periods when I want to strive for novelty in our sex life.

3. I strive for maximum harmony in our sex life.

My husband has a great analogy: love is like a glass of water. If left for a long time, it will evaporate and become less, its color and taste will become murky. But having sex is like adding fresh water to that glass; love will become clear and overflowing. Therefore, sex is very important, and personal needs are very important. I don't agree with the idea that years of married life can eventually become optional or a burden—women numbing their sexual needs with children and housework, while men satisfy themselves through constant affairs and purchased sex. I believe that if couples cherish each other, they should talk face-to-face to improve their current sexual fatigue, making adjustments within the marriage and injecting fresh blood into their love. We all know that if couples argue, as long as there are no fundamental issues, there's basically no need for explanations; a good sexual encounter can naturally resolve all conflicts… Therefore, those who have experienced sexual intimacy understand this best and are most willing to start with themselves to adjust and pursue harmony.

4. It won't lead to excessive confusion.

Although I personally believe that even promiscuity, with sexual satisfaction as the ultimate pursuit, isn't a wrong life, in reality, couples who have experienced sexual intimacy don't need constant stimulation as their lifestyle, as many people worry. This brings us to the threshold effect I mentioned earlier. People often hesitate before and after crossing it due to unfamiliarity and anxiety, taking up too much time from their normal lives. But once they actually cross it, they become more at peace. Life goes on as usual, except that time previously spent watching soap operas, playing cards, playing games online, or daydreaming is now used for couples to communicate and plan a romantic encounter or date. Life becomes more fulfilling, and the physical and psychological satisfaction gained lasts a long time, leaving a lasting emotional impact. Life moves forward in these waves of passion. At the same time, because of this special experience and unexpected compensation in life, one may be able to view and pursue a peaceful and tranquil main theme of life with a more peaceful mindset. For example, I would cherish the comfort and warmth of home more, and doing housework would feel like a way to express love and please my family.

5. It fosters unparalleled trust and dependence between couples.

I firmly believe that this trust includes both complete openness and giving each other necessary personal space. Once the threshold of having a romantic relationship is crossed, the trust between husband and wife increases dramatically, even to an extreme. You can face anything directly, express anything freely, and easily achieve mutual understanding. Why would there be any need for suspicion or concealment? You can say what you think and do what you want, making life easier and simpler. At the same time, because of increased emotional communication, you will consider many issues for each other, and many problems will be solved through repeated empathy. Therefore, the dependence between the two people will become increasingly close. The marital relationship naturally couldn't be better. For example, if I encounter a small romantic relationship and feel confused and distressed, I will talk to my husband. He will comfort me and encourage me to move on. If he is bothered or unhappy about my small romantic relationship, he will tell me that we will face it together and then choose other ways to distance ourselves and control it. These are all good experiences that will ensure the continued trust and dependence between the two people.

6. Successfully crossing the threshold of having a romantic relationship between husband and wife actually maintains and upholds monogamy.

While monogamy has many problems and restricts many aspects of human nature, it remains an effective way to share social responsibility in today's society. Couples engaging in platonic relationships effectively adapts to monogamy, liberating us from its constraints. For example, I'm very confident my marriage will continue because we'll find it difficult to find someone with whom we've shared so many experiences, understood so much, and tolerated so much. When sex is no longer overly restricted, and trust and dependence reach every detail, what reason or necessity is there to break the existing marital status quo? Of course, even if unforeseen circumstances lead to the end of my marriage, I believe I will face it with an optimistic attitude. We are already friends, confidants, siblings, lovers, classmates, colleagues, and partners—multiple relationships in total. Our goodwill will allow us to maintain the most touching and unbreakable bonds.

In my view, couples engaging in platonic relationships has nothing to do with the promiscuous lifestyle perceived by the public; on the contrary, it is more humane, more considerate, more tolerant, more loving, and more harmonious. In the process of experiencing and understanding, one's mind will suddenly become clear, and many previously intractable problems, such as various emotional grudges and resentments, will be smoothly resolved. My husband often says that if everyone could accept the friendship between spouses and appreciate the deep tolerance, trust, and love inherent in it, then all the tragedies caused by love in this world would be eliminated, leaving only disharmony caused by scheming and fighting for money.

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A wife swap's true feelings

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