[Repost] Advice from a woman with experience to couples struggling with inner conflict.

I'm not a very good writer, but seeing the inner struggles of many couples on the forum, I couldn't help but share our experiences. Everyone is welcome to share their opinions or disagreements for discussion.

Let me first describe our situation. My husband and I are very loving. We've been married for over seven years, and we often joke that we still feel like we're dating. Our love seems irrevocably strong; we both feel like we want to cherish each other every day. Seven years have passed, and we haven't experienced the seven-year itch that people talk about. Whenever we're together, reminiscing about the little things from the beginning, the happiness is indescribable.

My husband is very attentive to my feelings in our sex life; I know he wants me to enjoy it. However, the physiological differences between men and women are inevitable. I've entered my prime, while my husband, due to work, life, and other pressures, sometimes worries that I'm not satisfied. No matter how I explain that being with him is the most fulfilling thing, I can't dispel his concerns. In the first half of this year, after the Nanjing incident was reported in the newspaper, he excitedly showed me the paper (our local newspapers reported on this matter in a relatively positive and objective way). He told me he also wanted to make friends and hoped I would agree. Like most women, my first reaction was resistance and opposition. My husband pleaded and begged, and I finally reluctantly agreed to learn more about it (provided I knew he loved me, and I had no doubt about his love). I went online to look at relevant websites and forums, and read many articles by netizens, and gradually my views on this matter changed.

Couples who do this fall into two categories: 1. Couples who have been together for many years, know each other's bodies too well, and have lost the initial passion in their sex life, so they exchange partners to find new stimulation; 2. The situation in my marriage: one partner is always psychologically worried that their partner is not satisfied, so they try to satisfy their partner. In fact, couples who propose swapping usually have a very good relationship. At least they haven't betrayed each other, but have adopted a relatively fair way to seek change. So when your partner makes such a request, never doubt their feelings.

In addition, most wives share the same concerns: 1. They worry their husbands will change their minds because of this; 2. They worry their husbands will become addicted to it; 3. They worry about the secret being leaked and their safety; 4. They feel disgusted by strange men. My view is this: the fact that your husband brought this up already proves his love and that he doesn't want to betray you. If you still object, aren't you afraid that one day your husband will be unable to resist and betray you? Wouldn't that be even more painful? On this issue, the couple must first reach a consensus: this is just a game, it's over and done with, don't dwell on it. The ugliest analogy is: it's like you've shared a live toy once. Actually, once both partners have this idea, what else is there to worry about? Some couples we've dated suggested getting to know each other better, relying on feelings and attraction. I think this view is the most dangerous and wrong. If you go into this exchange with feelings and attraction, the consequence might really be infidelity. As long as you're sure the other person is a sincere, genuine, healthy, and well-mannered couple, that's enough. I also have another opinion: in this exchange, the psychological stimulation is actually greater than the physical stimulation. The feeling of watching your loved one embrace someone else is indescribable. Physically, while there's some stimulation, it's still better with your partner. You're familiar with each other, know each other's preferences, and can please each other. Especially for women, it's rare to experience such strong physical stimulation on the first time with a stranger. As for worrying about your husband becoming addicted to this game, I don't think it's necessary. Let things happen naturally; maybe you'll be the one who gets addicted in the end.

Regarding concerns about leaks, this needs to be addressed. Couples should be vigilant when engaging in this game. Ideally, neither party should show their face first during the video call. Adjust the video angle simultaneously only after confirming that the other person is also a couple. This can effectively prevent unnecessary harassment. Also, during communication, don't reveal your personal information; your work and address should not be disclosed. It's best to get a temporary phone card and not give the other person your usual number to prevent harassment later. Furthermore, it's best to avoid local couples and choose couples from other areas, and avoid meeting in the same city. This way, most safety issues will be avoided. For accommodation, it's best to stay in a relatively nice hotel. Remember, neither partner should go to the hotel room first; both should do so simultaneously. Once in the room, both spouses should agree that personal belongings should be kept in the closet, not left out unattended. The reason for this is obvious.

Any aversion to strange men can be addressed during the initial contact phase. Video chat several times. As long as you're not averse to their appearance, there shouldn't be any major issues after meeting in person.

After meeting, couples shouldn't immediately go to a hotel. My suggestion is to first chat; having tea, karaoke, or a meal are good options, but don't leave halfway through unless you discover the other person's poor character. Also, pay attention to your health. It's best to use a condom or bring disinfectant and wash thoroughly in the shower. The woman should also bring topical medication; inserting one afterward can prevent many problems. Bring lubricant as well; if the woman isn't feeling well, sufficient lubrication will help her get aroused quickly. Furthermore, once a couple chooses to go to the bedroom, they shouldn't be shy. They should open up and relax. Sitting awkwardly like that can lead to an embarrassing situation. In short, thorough communication and preparation beforehand are essential. Don't be shy; it will only create unnecessary trouble during the interaction.

My husband and I have experienced this several times now, but our relationship hasn't changed; in fact, it's better than before. My husband asks me about my experience, and we feel more passionate. All I want to say is that swapping isn't scary. As long as couples are honest with each other, their relationship will reach new heights.

I wish all couples a happy life together.

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[Repost] Advice from a woman with experience to couples struggling with inner conflict.

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