My wife and I's first time dating

My wife and I have had seven or eight real-life romantic relationships over a period of more than a year. I've written about some of them before, but I hesitated to write about the first one, mainly because I was afraid of the hassle. "Rome wasn't built in a day." Writing about the first time would require explaining where the idea came from and how my wife and I managed to resolve it. Now, with my wife's understanding and society's tolerance, I believe the conditions for telling the truth are much more ripe.

I want to start from the beginning. I had a deeply unforgettable first love that lasted two years but ultimately failed. The reason for the failure was that I liked her too much, so I always gave in to her. I went from passively giving in to actively giving in. For the sake of long-term stability in our marriage, I needed to determine just how arrogant she could be, but she crossed my psychological line, and we ended things. By then, I was no longer a virgin. You could say I've never had a virginity complex. When I met her, she had already been working in the countryside for ten years; she was a year older than me. I told her more than once, "I won't hold your past against you, even if you had children before, but since you chose me, you have to be loyal to me." My guiding principle is that you can't choose your birth, but you can choose your path. This may bear the mark of that era; my understanding that emotions and sex can be separated can indeed be traced back more than twenty years.

In my subsequent search for girlfriends, I always adhered to one principle: she must like me, not the other way around. I once longed to meet a woman like me, someone who had given her heart and soul and been hurt. But fate played a trick on me; my wife happened to be an honest young woman. So from the very beginning of our dates, I told her everything about my past without reservation, including a past lover. I wrote a detailed account in my "Couple's Diary" titled "Distant Memories." I am a transparent person; I don't hide anything from my wife. But I am also a very responsible family person; my wife went back to work when our child was just over eighty days old. My child is placed in the daycare at my workplace. For the convenience of both family and child, and to allow free access to and from the factory gates, I've worn my work uniform to and from work for almost two years. The gatekeeper has no idea whether I'm going home or to another workshop, or whether I'm late or leaving early (because there's another workshop outside the factory gate). When my wife comes home from work, I've already prepared a hot meal. I don't dance, drink, or play mahjong. I'm indeed like an engineer, paving the way through mountains and building bridges over rivers in family life. However, I enjoy reading, especially various non-fiction, memoirs, and magazines. I first learned about couples engaging

in "friendship" in a magazine, probably three or four years ago. The magazine described it as a trip involving seven or eight couples. They would enjoy the beautiful scenery during the day and have dinner together in the evening. The only part was a game at the end: a lottery where the wives would go to their rooms first, leaving their keys for the other husbands to draw. It also mentioned that this practice was becoming increasingly common. This piqued my interest greatly at the time (although it was presented as a case study, perhaps related to some kind of crime of promiscuity). Decades of life experience have taught me that right and wrong are often determined by time, not by their actual nature. Those who would have been executed decades ago might be heroes now; those going to prison now might be role models decades later. Human life is only once, and my wife and I only have a small part of that once (because our combined age is over 100). If it truly brings us pleasure and doesn't harm others, why shouldn't we do it? It's simply watching porn on a larger scale. In the past, my wife and I watched porn behind closed doors; when the door was open, we were law-abiding citizens. If we can find like-minded couples, it's just two more people watching porn behind closed doors; when the door is open, everyone is still a good citizen. The fact that it's so widespread proves that quite a few friends share my views. But the key is how to find such friends? I was simultaneously searching for friends and persuading my wife.

At that time, I didn't know about "Couple123," but I discovered a great place to use this as an excuse: Yahoo! On its homepage, there was an emotional forum with recommended featured posts, which I read and replied to. I discussed my sole purpose of making friends from various angles, and to attract attention, all my posts used the same title, simply continuing to post (one, two, three, four...). At that time, I probably wrote fourteen posts titled "My Response to Promiscuity," half of which were recommended as featured posts. They also left me their QQ numbers. In less than a week, feedback poured in, from people in other parts of the country and Chinese people abroad, all agreeing with my views. (Back then, you could see what the other person was doing in the upper right corner of QQ.) I explored through conversations, and I discerned through exploration...

With my wife, I used methods to stimulate her interest. To get children to study well, you must first make them understand the reasons for studying and make them desire learning themselves. If children don't understand the principles and just want to play, then no matter how high-pressure scolding or tempting monetary rewards you use, it won't work. It's the same with soldiers fighting in war; rewards of money are useless, and holding a gun to their backs to supervise the battle is useless. The most effective motive was the vengeful rage ignited by venting, the burning desire to fight after writing a blood oath.

It was April 2005. After an initial screening through text communication, I deleted many people who went straight to the point, those who stayed focused on the topic, or those who feigned profundity by sending a handshake emoji and waiting for me to speak. (Added to blacklist) Among those who entered the video chat, I further deleted those who only showed their room but not their face. Because you can see yourself on video, we always adjusted ourselves, like taking a photo, to be the clearest and most centered couple. If the other person didn't appear, or only showed the area behind their ears, it was intentional. (Added to blacklist) Finally, I narrowed it down to two couples from Shanghai. We were very satisfied with the text communication, and then we openly and confidently had a verbal conversation on video. At that time, all three couples were very eager, but none of us had actually experienced it. I introduced them to each other, sincerely hoping they would experience it firsthand. However, they didn't seem to click much, and both wanted to meet me for their first time.

One couple was the same age as me, the man also born in the 1970s, and worked as a cadre in his unit. The other couple was more than 10 years younger than me, also a cadre. At the time, the "work" environment was probably better at home, since it was just my wife and me, and our child was studying at a university in another city. I chose the older couple and arranged for them to come to my house on May Day, while also informing the younger couple. I used a method of pasting QQ chat history to show authenticity. As it turned out, the younger couple also wanted to come on May Day, but I didn't agree because my house is small; if six people came, it would be difficult to even turn around.

My wife had basically agreed by then, though she wouldn't say, "Okay, I'm willing." But from her smile and lack of objection, I was certain she wouldn't create an awkward situation when we actually met. Many people say that couples engaging in sexual activity is a game only for older couples with a very strong emotional foundation. I think that's not entirely true. A strong emotional foundation alone isn't enough; there also needs to be proper sexual knowledge and pleasurable sexual experiences. In other words, sex must be seen as a normal human need, a noble enjoyment. It's not acceptable to see sex as a burden or a one-sided sacrifice. Is it acceptable for someone to be overly controlling of their partner, even jealous of them talking to someone of the opposite sex? To be willing to serve their partner for 10 or 20 years, even to die in their place, even if they were bedridden? That's foolish love.

On the morning of May 1st, my wife and I had breakfast out and brought back some food for our guests. My wife started working in the kitchen, and I turned on my computer and logged onto QQ. That's when I saw his message on QQ: "Sorry, we can't come today because of something." I calmly replied with two words: "Understood." I didn't ask why, because I knew there was probably a communication problem between them, and they had changed their minds at the last minute. If it really was an emergency, they could easily reschedule; there are seven days of holiday time. My view on exchange is like children exchanging cookies for bread or apples for pears on a spring outing. If the exchange succeeds, there's no gain; if it fails, there's no loss. I told my wife the news, and then we tidied up the room properly.

The next evening, the young friend saw me on QQ and asked how things went for May Day. I told him the truth: they hadn't come. (I'll call him Xiao Yang for convenience later.) Xiao Yang said, "Can we come tomorrow? My wife is a nurse and works shifts, so she doesn't get a holiday break. She's only free tomorrow." I said okay, and then gave Xiao Yang my home address and phone number (since neither my wife nor I have cell phones). Xiao Yang replied, "Okay, we'll come tomorrow morning, but we'll have lunch at your place." Then he had something to do and logged off.

I told my wife that another friend was coming tomorrow. To be honest, I didn't believe they would come at all. First, there's an almost 10-year age difference, and second, the distance is so far. Even if they took taxis to and from my house, it would be enough to feed them for a week if they were frugal. But since I had promised, I prepared for them to actually come. The next day, I cooked a pot of salted pork and vegetable rice, and made a dish of bighead carp and vermicelli soup. If they really come, we'll eat together; if not, my wife and I will have two meals. It was already 9:50, and I said to my wife, "They definitely won't come again." (QQ was open, but there were no messages.) Normally, when visiting friends who are both unfamiliar and far away, one should call first to confirm their presence. Just then, the phone rang. It was Xiao Yang, already in a taxi, asking me to tell the driver which intersection to turn at. I told him it was a shop on the main road at the entrance of the alley. This made it very easy to find. About ten minutes later, the phone rang again. Xiao Yang told me they had arrived, so I went downstairs to meet them. I assumed they would be near the shop, but when I opened the door, they were standing right there at my door, less than a meter apart.

Although we had met many times via video, I still sensed their youth. The man was probably over 1.76 meters tall, lean and strong, while the woman was around 1.6 meters tall and very slender. They were wearing matching dark gray suits, looking very well-matched. We understood each other perfectly, and I said, "Come in." "After closing the downstairs door, I led them upstairs. Once home, my wife made them tea, and the two ladies were a little embarrassed and didn't speak. 'We really didn't expect you to actually come. I think if you were going to come, you should have called to confirm first. It would be a waste for you to come all this way if we weren't there, wouldn't it?' I said. 'Yes, to be honest, we didn't expect you to actually be waiting for us either,' Xiao Yang replied. 'When we came out, I even told my wife that if you weren't a real person, we were just going to go for a walk and buy some things, so there wouldn't be any waste,' Xiao Yang continued to explain.

Next, we talked about how we'd met on QQ. I told him that because we didn't click at first, I'd deleted him from QQ. The reason was that after only a few words about this, he started giving me a political lecture. Xiao Yang laughed and said it was his security measure; he was observing me. We both laughed, and the atmosphere relaxed a bit." I steered the conversation back on track: "The fact that we can sit face-to-face today and have a real conversation about this, regardless of the outcome, is progress in itself." "Yes, everyone behind their screens dares to say anything. But when it comes to actually doing it, how many of them are truly genuine?" "I think this is what I believe: if my husband and I can really succeed in doing this, then we can truly grow old together." "What do you mean?" "Think about it, if we can do this, what else would cause jealousy? What else would cause distrust?" "Right, I hadn't thought about that before, it's true. It's like someone who's willing to kill, why would they be afraid of a fight?" Xiao Yang revealed the straightforwardness of a northerner; even the two ladies beside him laughed at his words. Then he opened his small briefcase, rummaged through it for a while, and handed me his ID card. This action surprised me. But I still took it and looked at it very quickly, probably no more than two seconds, before returning it to him. His showing it to me was a sign of his sincerity; it wouldn't be appropriate for me not to look at it or to look at it for too long. Actually, I only saw the words "1965". Then we talked about our ages. I'm 12 years older than him, and my wife is 12 years older than him. We're both 4 years older than our wives. It's like two snakes and two chickens. Then Xiao Yang asked me what kind of wine we had for lunch. I said there was no wine because I hadn't expected you guys to actually come, so I only prepared some salted rice and soup. If you want wine, ask my wife to go buy some. Then Xiao Yang took some money and gave it to his wife, insisting she go buy some herself, and also wanted my wife to go with him. I couldn't stop him; Xiao Yang pushed the two women outside. After they went out and closed the door, Xiao Yang said to me: "I wanted those two women to leave so it would be easier for the two of us men to talk. My wife couldn't resist me; I used both soft and hard tactics to get her here. She's never had a relationship with another man; she's a bit stubborn, but she's really, really good to me. I genuinely want her to be more open-minded. What kind of era is this now?" I expressed my understanding, and Xiao Yang continued, "So I wanted to let you know in advance. If we can exchange partners later, that would be best. If not, we can just do it ourselves as a couple. We can find another opportunity to exchange partners later." I said, "That's perfectly fine. Actually, my wife has never been in contact with other men before. She had never even had a boyfriend before she met me. Just the fact that we ate dinner today and did nothing else already completes 33%. If we do it ourselves in the same room, we complete 66% (because we only have one room). If we can exchange partners, we complete 100%."

After a long time, they returned, having bought wine and other groceries. My wife busied herself in the kitchen. Xiao Yang, my wife, and I talked about our past work and study experiences in the room until lunchtime. As we ate and chatted, Xiao Yang emphasized his point several times: "We came here purely for sex, it has nothing to do with feelings." I completely agreed: "It really has nothing to do with feelings. I'm here entirely to give my wife and me a breakthrough in our perspectives, to adapt to the lifestyle that might become popular in the future. Perhaps we can still catch the last train." "

After we finished lunch and cleaned the table, I made them some tea. It was Xiao Yang who first pulled his wife to sit on the sofa and started being affectionate. Seeing I didn't react, he gestured to me with his eyes. I understood what he meant; the ball was in my court, and I had no choice but to go along with it. I said to my wife, 'Go to the bathroom and wash up first.' My wife obediently went. A short while later, she came back, but she was still fully dressed. Seeing that my wife was done, Xiao Yang and his wife became more physical, but she still resisted awkwardly. I said to her, 'Why did you put your clothes on? You're going to take them off anyway, aren't you? It's like taking off your pants to fart—completely unnecessary.' My complaint was mostly to lighten the mood. My wife smiled awkwardly, and I started helping her undress. Fortunately, she didn't resist. We were like pushing a heavy cart up a hill, on the verge of rolling back. Finally, my wife and I lay down on the bed." My wife's hands and feet were ice-cold from nervousness; normally, even in winter, they're warm. I was completely at a loss, utterly helpless. (Later, I thought that if it were the first time, separating us into two rooms might have made things easier—like skipping first grade and jumping straight to second.) After about twenty minutes of this, I was still like a withered grape, all skin and no substance; the more anxious I became, the less responsive I became. I said to Xiao Yang, "You two come to the bed, we'll go outside, we won't see you." My wife and I went to the kitchen. That way, neither of us could see the other, effectively putting us in two separate rooms. But even outside, no matter how hard my wife tried, I still didn't react at all. I realized it was due to nervousness. It was entirely psychological, definitely not organic, because I'm usually perfectly fine. It might also be related to my age; after all, I'm in my early fifties.

There was only one small chair in the kitchen, so my wife sat facing me on my lap with her legs apart. (We had decided to go out at the last minute; otherwise, we would have brought two larger chairs.) I knew it was impossible to get back to a "working" state quickly. Because the chair was small, our bellies were pressed tightly together, and my wife couldn't reach down to massage me. She couldn't reach my area from behind either. So, my wife and I started talking about other things. ("Surprisingly" is a Shanghai dialect word, implying a sense of recklessness or giving up.) This was actually a very good choice in that situation, to distract ourselves and relax. Although I have the ability to self-regulate and think about or talk about extremely exciting or crazy things or experiences, it only works if the "water temperature" is already very high, but not boiling. My "temperature" at that time was probably hovering around freezing point.

After about twenty minutes, we got tired of sitting on the small chair, mainly because one of us was pressing down on the other. So we stood up and tried to sit on the large sofa in the room. I deliberately said to my wife, "Come on, let's go to the sofa inside." Actually, I meant it for Xiao Yang and the others to hear. If they said, "Hey, don't come in," we wouldn't go in. After a few seconds of silence, we went in and sat on the sofa. Looking back at the bed, they were engaged in their usual activities, the only unusual thing being Xiao Yang's wife, who had her forearms tightly covering her eyes. I knew this was a sign of both reluctance and extreme shyness. I looked at my wife, who was much more at ease than her. I tapped Xiao Yang's wife's shoulder a few times with my right index finger and said, "Hey, you should get off." As if granted a pardon, she rolled over and jumped off the bed as if fleeing. My wife, a little shy but without hesitation, just gave me a sidelong glance and went to the bed. Our reconnection went very smoothly. Although Xiao Yang's wife was much younger, prettier, and slimmer than my wife, I had no intention or desire to even glance at her. My entire focus was on my wife, on how to successfully seize this rare opportunity and achieve my long-cherished wish. Perhaps it was Xiao Yang's youth, or perhaps it was the novelty of the encounter. The intercourse proceeded exceptionally smoothly, and after a while, they began discussing changing positions. Over the next hour or so, they rolled over several times. Xiao Yang was already sweating; I saw beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. My wife was also sweating profusely, her sweat flowing down to her tailbone. Only then did I turn to look at Xiao Yang's wife; she was fully dressed. The battle on the bed was drawing to a close, and the natural reactions of the man and woman were familiar and easily imagined. I cannot describe the actions of four people simultaneously. I can only describe, step by step, the actions of me—my wife—Xiao Yang—Xiao Yang's wife, which occurred almost simultaneously.

Because I witnessed the final climax up close, I saw my wife's physical reaction, her body trembling. The moment Xiao Yang got off the bed, the first thing I saw was the mysterious scene between her still-unclosed legs. My body reacted like a slow-motion scene on TV when a car airbag deploys. I got an erection instantly. (Because I usually only see this after I've been tossed around since my peak.) I understand that a woman's body at this moment is like an iron that's been ironing for two hours and suddenly the power is cut off—the residual heat is still scorching. As soon as I lay on top of my wife, she wrapped her limbs around me, and the lingering tremors from before still occurred. We didn't exchange words because the guests were still there, but we communicated with our eyes. Her smiling eyes held only approval, no jealousy.

The moment Xiao Yang landed, I saw he was covered in sweat. He looked like a boxer who had lasted twelve rounds until the bell rang, not knocked down. He looked a little exhausted. (This is actually a common trait among men. So men are both pathetic and pitiful.) Xiao Yang sat on the sofa and asked his wife to light him a cigarette. But his wife was truly wonderful; she wiped his sweat with a handkerchief, helped him put on his clothes, and even knelt down to put on his socks. Her heartache was palpable.

I whispered in my wife's ear, "We'll come tonight." I got out of bed and put on my clothes, while my wife went to the bathroom and got dressed too. Our first meeting was essentially over. Xiao Yang said they had other things to take care of. Xiao Yang's wife said, "*Master, I know you're a good person, but this is my first time, and I'm so nervous. We welcome you and your sister to visit us sometime." I saw them to the street and shook hands goodbye.

After seeing them off, we cleaned the house. The rest of the evening, from dinner to washing the dishes, was exactly the same as usual. But when I went online, my wife, contrary to her usual habit of just watching TV, leaned against me. We browsed interesting websites together; she asked questions and appreciated the content with great interest. I felt her "software" of thinking had upgraded. Of course, the potential of her "hardware" was also fully utilized in the following interactions.

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My wife and I's first time dating

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