First 3P: A Woman's Monologue

Life is a magnificent dress; a sudden gust of wind, and she exudes a myriad of charms. Experiences are like water flowing over the hem, dampening the mood, leaving marks, until the dress is weathered and worn… In truth, life is experience. That magnificent dress, through experience, gains a beautiful soul, a flavor to be savored.

We arranged a threesome today, and this upcoming experience feels especially significant because it's my first time, at least psychologically.

Lacking moral support and theoretical backing, all I have is an attempt to understand and feel. I slept very late last night and woke up too early this morning, turning on the lamp at six to read Mo Yan's novel, while Beijing Music Radio played songs… This visual and auditory overload didn't make me feel much better.

Just after nine, my husband texted to say he'd arrived.

He, WY, 28, 182cm, 80kg, a graduate student (I forget if it was a master's), and both my husband and I thought he was decent-looking, at least upright.

He was waiting at a nearby KFC.

We took a taxi there, and around 9:40, we saw him wearing a blue short-sleeved shirt.

There was a brief awkwardness when we approached, but thankfully, he was quite talkative. After explaining his thoughts, he introduced himself and kindly mentioned that he had prepared gifts for each of us.

What a thoughtful man!

I had never seen a single man involved in a threesome so particular about ambiance and atmosphere. He smiled shyly and said those gifts weren't appropriate to give here. My husband and I exchanged a knowing smile, each with our own guesses. He said preparing the gifts for me yesterday was a bit rushed and hoped I would understand. I thanked him but didn't really look at him.

He said I was even prettier than in the photos, which made me happy.

Today, I was still wearing a red Chinese-style top with hand-embroidered floral patterns on the lapel, my hair was down, and I looked to have a good figure.

We sat down and started chatting, but it wasn't particularly engaging because neither of us knew what to do next, or we hadn't yet established the basic conditions for communication. However, we listened attentively to his explanations and understood them well. Purely physical stimulation is not what we both seek; it's a matter of life philosophy and lifestyle, and beyond that, a matter of morality and the institutional nature of marriage. Shakespeare also said he didn't want his wife to appear in his night sky like the moon every day…

We talked about our respective marriages and relationships, and it was clear he cherished his partner. This made us respect him. He also respected my wishes very much. He said, "If you're unwilling, forced, or even slightly reluctant, I'll leave immediately, and we'll still be friends." I laughed. I've always been quiet, like a lady (hehe), and I said, "No, that won't happen."

Yes, how could it be? My husband loves me so much, he's so accommodating.

He said that's good. Then he seemed very happy.

…We agreed he would go to the hotel first, and we would follow. He said he values the environment and conditions, and we agreed.

After he left, my husband and I strolled down the street. Under the midday sun, we embraced without a care in the world. I felt a deep, intense love. He shielded me from the sun with his body, afraid I'd get a tan. At that moment, I really wanted to hold his hand and go back to school, so much. I felt everything was meaningless, all stiff and unnatural. It's a perfectly good life, yet we insist on adding unnecessary complications, making everything complicated.

But experiencing life requires courage. We've already taken the first step, so why not seriously try a different lifestyle? Especially when we've begun to question sex within the system. Especially when I have a strong craving for experience.

...We still went to buy Durex together.

Around 11 PM, he texted to say he'd arrived at a hotel, room 418.

The room was spacious, with two large windows, white sheer curtains hanging down, and a large, clean, white, and smooth bed.

We sat down, one on each sofa.

He took out the gifts he had prepared and handed them to us one by one. He gave my husband a DVD containing a documentary about foreign pornography. He gave me a set of sexy lingerie: a black sheer skirt, a thong, and red stockings.

He added, "It was too rushed beforehand, so I just bought it according to your height. Try it on; I want to watch it."

He smiled as he said this.

I looked at my husband, seeking his support or acquiescence.

My husband nodded and said, "You don't need to ask me or seek my opinion on what you want to do."

Yes, when I first met WY, he also said, "I hope you don't think of yourself as anyone's wife then. Just be yourself, be yourself, you are the protagonist, and enjoy it to the fullest."

I went into the bathroom because I wasn't used to undressing in front of two men. I tried it on, but it felt awkward because my temperament really wasn't suited for it. As I said, I'm a rather traditional and slightly shy woman. So, I came out dressed and apologized to WY. He was very understanding and smiled.

I walked over to the two men sitting on the sofa and sat down next to my husband. At that moment, WY extended his right hand. I hesitated and looked at my husband. He smiled and said, "Go ahead."

I turned to WY and obediently placed my hand in his. He pulled me close, hugged me, and kissed me gently, but with desire. He seemed oblivious to everyone else, but I kept opening my eyes to look for my husband. I really wanted to know what he was doing, what he was doing, and how he would look at me. I didn't want him to see me behaving "promiscuously" in another man's arms, so I was very reserved. I cared about his feelings and didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.

Of course, I saw him. He got up, grabbed the remote, and randomly pressed buttons, deliberately avoiding looking at us.

WY, panting, suddenly picked me up. My legs naturally wrapped around his waist. He strode to the bed, threw me onto it, and then pressed down on me… He unbuttoned my clothes. I kicked off my right shoe myself, and my husband gently took off my left shoe, neatly placing it aside—that's what I saw when I opened my eyes.

WY paid a lot of attention to foreplay, much like my husband. I guess gentle men, men who know how to cherish women, are all like that. He kissed me, from top to bottom, very tenderly, his tongue forceful and rhythmic.

We did 69, and he seemed to enjoy it… He said, “You’re very good, especially with your mouth.” I smiled.
His body was as slender as my husband's, which is why I like tall men. I like long, slender torsos, long, clean fingers…

My right hand held his, my left hand held my husband's; he kissed my genitals, my husband kissed my breasts… Strangeness and familiarity, tension and security, all stirred my feelings equally, and I couldn't help but make a sound… But at the same time, tears streamed down my face… I hugged my husband tightly, holding him close with my left arm, and whispered in his ear, "I love you!"

Yes, in that instant, I felt it all was meaningless. My love was right there in my arms, so why should I accept another man's caresses? I felt guilty, sad, heartbroken, and remorseful… I was like a greedy little girl, having her own beloved toy but still clinging to someone else's… My husband noticed and asked me what was wrong. I remained silent because he was passionately kissing me, and I didn't want to affect him, especially since he was so sincere and innocent.

Just then, WY thrust in, and although tears streamed down my face, I still let out a comfortable "Ah," wiping away the tears with my hand… My husband stepped aside.

He was great; his penis was thick and large, and he moved with rhythm and force. While he was doing it, he would whisper softly in my ear, soothing me and saying some loving words, which were very fitting for the atmosphere. He was a considerate man.

After it was over, he was sweating a lot. He said he hadn't done this in a long time, so it was quick. Actually, he was quite good, I smiled understandingly, but tears welled up again. I turned and lay down, hugging the soft pillow, as if searching for support.

My husband was quite shaken; he couldn't bear to watch and went to the bathroom.

When he came out, he took out tissues to wipe my tears. He asked me what was wrong, but I was just crying, not wanting to say anything, not knowing how to accurately express what I was thinking at that moment. I just gently asked him, "Did you hear me say I love you?" "Did you feel me holding you tightly?"

My husband stroked my back and said, "Of course I heard you, of course I felt you." He added, "But once he goes in, you won't know anything anymore, haha."

He grinned mischievously. I felt I should blush, but I didn't. I looked up to find him; WY was already wearing shorts.

He said to my husband, "Boss, you come on."

I didn't like that sentence because at that moment, perhaps he didn't realize that he was no longer treating me as an independent being... What were they offering? A delicious snack? A glass of wine that would make you drunk with just one sip? I felt a brief unpleasantness, but it was easy to understand because we had already formed a mindset, even though his meaning might not have necessarily included that implication. Moral and ethical norms are deeply ingrained, subtly controlling our thinking.

My husband is also a reserved man; he wasn't mentally prepared for this, and with me shedding a few tears, he was probably at a loss.

I kissed him, and he said, "I'll ejaculate quickly," to which I nodded understandingly. Actually, he needed comfort most; at this moment, he must have felt very empty, both physically and mentally. I love him, and I feel sorry for him.

WY said again, "Do it again, she's not full yet."

My husband said, "Okay."

I was by the bed, and my husband entered me; quickly, he ejaculated again.

I suddenly remembered how he usually acted, always leaving me feeling dreamy, as if heaven was just around the corner…

WY got into bed again, and I was in the middle, my husband on my left, and him on my right.

A large bed, light streaming in from behind the curtains, creating a warm and serene atmosphere. The room was extremely quiet; for a moment, it felt as peaceful as my own bedroom, tempting me to sleep.

I didn't know who to be close to. Going to my husband seemed natural, but I was afraid of neglecting him; going to him, I was afraid of neglecting my husband… So, with my back to WY, I rubbed against him, my hands and face facing my husband, and spoke softly to him. We spoke in our hometown dialect, which probably displeased WY because he couldn't understand it. There was an unspoken sense of exclusion, though we weren't doing it intentionally, it was just a habit.

WY whispered in my ear, "I'm rested." His gentle voice touched my heartstrings.

We continued. My husband seized the opportunity to express my likes and dislikes, saying, "Your husband really understands you."

I took the upper hand, but didn't push hard. He moved gently, and I was almost dizzy. I think he tossed my hair too, I don't know. I wasn't fully conscious throughout the whole process. Then he took the top position, and I only remember the rhythmic sounds of our bodies colliding… He was on top of me, thrusting violently… I finally passed out… When I woke up, my hair was hanging to the ground, my whole body was numb and weak…

He said, “Mine is too thick, are you alright? My girlfriend always says I hurt her…”

I found it difficult to answer. I wasn’t his girlfriend, and I didn’t like him comparing me to his girlfriend in his mind and asking these questions.

I just smiled and said, “It’s okay.”

He then said, “There’s nothing wrong between you and your husband, right…” Ha… I knew why he asked that question, but it was hard to explain, I didn’t know how to say it.

We lay there for a while. By then, my husband was dressed and sitting on the sofa watching TV. He was also watching TV while I was in a state of dizziness from passion.

WY said, “Why don’t you try on the clothes I sold you? You should let me see the gift I gave you.” I was hesitant, but I agreed anyway.

I wrapped myself in the blanket, putting on my clothes one by one. When I got to the thong, I was at a loss, unsure of the front and back. He came over to guide me… Haha, I'm really quite traditional; I'd never even tried wearing sexy lingerie to add some novelty for my husband before… We're both simple people, so our love and sex are simple too, right?

After I put it on, he asked me to come over. I awkwardly went over, and he pulled me onto his lap, with my husband opposite me. I was bare-chested and backless, being held in the arms of a strange man, being fondled by him… I felt very uncomfortable. He buried his head in my chest and said, "My wife smells like milk; you two smell different.

" I smiled, not wanting to say anything, especially not at the comparison between two strange women.

Being with a stranger wasn't very relaxing, so my husband and I decided to be alone for a while and said goodbye.

Stepping out of the hotel, the sunlight was blinding; everything felt like a dream.

The surrounding buildings were unfamiliar, making everything that had just happened feel even stranger in this unfamiliar environment. Uncertainties in my mind reinforced this impression.

After a very nice lunch with my husband, we went back to school.

Sitting in the magazine office watching a DVD, a gift from WY. It was a very good documentary, but there was a sense of helplessness in it, the challenges to morality and marital sex…

Because my husband was very depressed today, I wanted to cheer him up, so we went to the balcony, closed the window, and started making love. Someone was singing in the building across the street, and people were walking by outside… We lost ourselves in the moment… I gripped the railing with both hands, and he entered me from behind… He knows my habits well, so I quickly reached orgasm. Because I was standing, I couldn't faint, but I ejaculated!

How many times has this been? I don't know, but it's good, isn't it? Everything is good for us. I feel like this is the perfect ending to today.

…

That evening, I saw WY online and greeted him politely. He asked how it went, and my husband said, "Not bad."

Then we politely said goodbye.

My husband took me back to my dorm that night, and we were reluctant to part, very reluctant to leave.
So, a threesome won't cast a shadow on our relationship; we love each other as much as ever.

It's just a regret that this experience didn't reach the highest level of a threesome; I didn't completely let go, I didn't fully enjoy it. We are all emotional people, with concerns and pressures, and we weren't fully prepared. If there were fewer mental constraints, things would be much better.

Also, the fact that women can separate love and sex makes me believe, at least temporarily, that...
Perhaps there are other thoughts, but my mind is a mess. It's already 1:30 AM; I should go to sleep.

The night is peaceful. My dear men, are you all fast asleep? My skirt is soaked, drenching your broad chest; how much tenderness will you receive?

My own memories are thus imbued with the colors of a rainbow...

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First 3P: A Woman's Monologue

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