Repost: Infidelity, extramarital affairs, divorce rates, and couples' dating.

In recent years, the rates of infidelity, extramarital affairs, and divorce in my country have been increasing year by year. The Buddha said that humans have three poisons: greed, lust, and ignorance, which are also human nature. Our happiness index as ordinary people is about having good food, good clothes, and good spirits. Although everyone understands the saying "contentment brings happiness," emotions are difficult for ordinary people to control. Humans are not only emotional beings, but also psychologically inclined to seek new things and require frequent sexual activity; the saying "always thinking other people's wives are better" illustrates this point. There's a saying about the seven-year itch in marriage; after being together for a long time, besides getting used to each other, the passion gradually fades. I don't think the terms "infidelity" and "extramarital affairs" are exclusive to men; the same applies to women. It's just that men have more social interactions and greater pressure, making them more likely to seek extramarital affairs. But it takes two to tango; this is a matter for two people, and a woman must be involved—either a young girl or a married woman. In today's society, if someone says a man has several mistresses or wives, people are no longer surprised; it seems acceptable, and most people think the man is capable. When people say a woman has a lover or has illicit relationships with several men, they still can't understand and assume she's too promiscuous. In reality, men and women have similar psychological and sexual needs. This perception stems from China's thousands of years of feudalism, where men could have multiple wives and concubines, but women couldn't. Accepting one's fate is a good form of social regulation. Ancient rulers preached that everyone has their own destiny; accepting one's fate means accepting one's current situation and reducing unnecessary thoughts. Pan Jinlian didn't want to accept her fate, so she inevitably had an affair with Ximen Qing.
Sex, love, and marriage are different. Sex is not only a physiological need but also a need to strengthen the relationship. Love needs repetition and renewal. Sex without love is meaningless, and love without sex is unreliable. This may seem disrespectful to noble love, but time proves how important harmonious sex is for truly binding men and women together. However, high-quality sex is generally a matter of fate and destiny; effort can slightly improve the situation. Like emotions, sex is often something that cannot be forced.

In a sense, sex is more realistic than love because it can deepen feelings between two people. The saying "a day as husband and wife is worth a hundred days of kindness" implies this. Sex gives people a sense of groundedness, no longer something ethereal, no longer something fleeting, no longer something unreal. Pure Platonic love is difficult to sustain. Essentially, the most fundamental driving force for the union of men and women is sex; feelings are secondary. Of course, love can exist without sex, but it's like scratching an itch through a boot—it always feels like two unrelated people, with a sense of distance and separation.

Sex is the glue of a relationship; it can mend many emotional rifts, but it can also deepen existing ones. If two people are already somewhat estranged, and their sex life is unsatisfactory, they will break up more quickly; conversely, it can prevent an early separation. Sex is not the core of a relationship, much less the entirety of it, but it is a catalyst, accelerating the pace of union or separation. This is not about respect, but only about pleasure. Some people don't crave respect; they just want pleasure. Moral standards regarding sex vary from person to person.

A woman who wants to keep a man should keep him perpetually unsatisfied. A woman who wants to keep a man should keep her constantly satisfied. Men, when they've had enough, want a change; women, when they're not full, will seek snacks. Men think from the bottom up, women from the top down—different directions, but the same outcome. Without understanding the differences in male and female sexual psychology, it's difficult to manage relationships well. This isn't vulgarity, nor is it baseness; it's the art of relationships.

Interestingly, in youth, men prey on women, while in middle age, women prey on men—it evens out. When young, men enjoy teasing women, but once they've "trained" them, they find themselves lacking the stamina—life is truly ironic.

Some say men and women are attracted to each other because of a lack of understanding, and drift apart because of too much understanding—there's some truth to that. However, responsible men and women don't easily walk away, while those who don't want responsibility can easily find an excuse. For men, an understanding woman is a treasure; for women, a responsible man is the most trustworthy person. Never easily give up either type of person; only when youth fades will you realize how precious they are.

What kind of life does reality require? Tolerance and understanding, focusing on the big picture and letting go of the small details, making improvements and refining relationships, and mutual consideration—this is the essence of life. Simply put, it's about living together. Two people with a shared goal of making their lives better will always succeed; otherwise, they can't.

With the openness of information and the widespread use of the internet and mobile phones, more and more people are finding lovers online, and the success rate is quite high. Since the 1990s, Chinese-style online dating for couples has emerged, and mainstream social opinion certainly doesn't approve of it. However, many couples who have genuinely engaged in online dating have found their relationships strengthened. Of course, many others use online dating as a guise for sexual pleasure; therefore, opinions vary on its merits and demerits.

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Repost: Infidelity, extramarital affairs, divorce rates, and couples' dating.

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