Why would someone genuinely want to be cuckolded?

Partner infidelity is almost automatically associated with pain and shame. But there's a group of people who feel intense excitement at the thought of their partner sleeping with someone else. If they could witness it, they might even participate in the orgasm. These are what we call "NTR enthusiasts."

Evolutionary psychology suggests that to effectively pass on their genes, men and women need to cooperate and both fear betrayal, leading to the development of contractual marriage to maintain a more stable relationship.

However, the existence of NTR enthusiasts seems to contradict this theory. NTR is an abbreviation of the Japanese word "寝取られ" (NeTo Ra Re), which, colloquially, refers to a partner having sexual relations with another person. NTR enthusiasts have a so-called "cuckoldry complex," where fantasizing about or witnessing their partner having sex with someone else gives them sexual pleasure. This psychology differs from the general public and evolutionary psychology theories. Why aren't they afraid of being betrayed, but rather enjoy it?

We first collected and summarized analyses of NTR enthusiasts themselves and others about NTR enthusiasts online (standing on the shoulders of giants), and then attempted some simple analyses using existing psychological theories:

First, the psychology of voyeurism. Do you remember the eyes hidden behind the window in Hitchcock's film *Rear Window*? The protagonist derived a unique pleasure and satisfaction from voyeurism.

In fact, voyeurism is a psychological concept, referring to obtaining sexual pleasure by watching others' naked bodies or sexual acts. Cuckoldry is also based on this. However, there's a difference: compared to voyeurism, NTR enthusiasts have a very specific preference for their voyeuristic targets—it must be their partner or someone else. The reasons for this can be further categorized as follows:

1. Masochistic tendencies.

On a side note: how many of you are spicy food lovers? Spiciness isn't actually a taste, but a sensation of pain—the neural pathways for spiciness are the same as those for pain.

A Norwegian study found that when pain first begins, the brain regions responsible for pain are activated, but when the pain isn't as severe as we imagine, the brain regions responsible for pleasure are activated, resulting in feelings of pleasure. (Perhaps this also explains why women's facial expressions during orgasm are similar to their expressions during pain).

Sometimes, pain and pleasure are indeed difficult to separate completely. Therefore, some NTR enthusiasts' need for betrayal stems from their need for masochism, similar to the submissive (M) in SM. However, the submissive suffers physically, while NTR enthusiasts suffer emotionally. When they witness their partner's intimacy with another, the emotional pain actually amplifies their sexual pleasure—a bittersweet experience.

It's important to note that submissives not only need physical masochism, but also the subsequent pleasure and caresses. Few can endure a relationship consisting solely of masochism, but the tenderness and caresses afterward are like a sweet "poison," leading to addiction. The psychology behind Stockholm syndrome is similar: someone who has been raped, coerced, or beaten experiences immense gratitude and even develops feelings of affection after the perpetrator shows them a little kindness.

Extending this to NTR (Netorare, a Japanese term for sexual intercourse), NTR enthusiasts not only need emotional masochism, but also require their partners to compensate them out of guilt after infidelity—more care, more consideration, more tenderness, etc. These sweet "poisons" amplify the pleasure of being cuckolded in NTR.

2. Compensation Psychology.

As mentioned earlier, the compensatory psychology of NTR enthusiasts' partners after infidelity amplifies the pleasure of NTR.

Correspondingly, another type of NTR enthusiast derives pleasure from compensatory psychology towards their partners. Compensation psychology refers to the phenomenon where, when an individual's physical or psychological deficiencies prevent them from achieving their goals, they resort to other methods to compensate for these deficiencies, thereby alleviating their anxiety and building their self-esteem.

This type of NTR enthusiast often appears in relationships where the partner is much more dominant than themselves. Because they feel inferior and repressed due to being suppressed by their partner in life; or because of illness or disability, their own sexual ability cannot satisfy their partner, thus generating compensatory psychology, imagining and hoping for another powerful person to help them conquer their partner.

NTR enthusiasts with this mindset are essentially projecting themselves into the object of their partner's infidelity. They watch others bring their partners to orgasm, but in their minds, it is actually themselves who bring their partners to orgasm. This sense of projection can also give them orgasm.

3. Selfless Sharing.

Another type of NTR enthusiast believes they are acting out of a selfless spirit of sharing. They are not considering their own pleasure, but rather their partner's pleasure, aiming to allow their partner to experience more orgasms. They are happy to be cuckolded, especially when their partner is sexually attractive; the thought of "the person you slept with belongs to me" generates satisfaction.

And unlike NTR enthusiasts with a compensatory mentality, these NTR enthusiasts do not want others to help them conquer their partner, but rather to have sex with their partner after others have sex with their partner. The feeling of "I finally conquered them" makes them feel powerful, thus gaining a sense of accomplishment.

But you must have noticed the contradiction in this mentality. This so-called selfless idea, in the final analysis, still treats the partner as their "possession" to share, thereby generating sexual pleasure. But in the realm of sex, it may be difficult to demand others to act according to conventional moral standards.

There are various academic interpretations of the causes of this preference, but perhaps we should ask ourselves: is this source of pleasure, which completely deviates from traditional sexual values, a healthy sexual fetish? Or, is it necessary for the pursuit and exploration of sexual practices to be "healthy"?

It's difficult for us to give a clear answer to such questions today, but perhaps it is precisely this "lack of clarity" that brings more possibilities to our sexual pleasure.

As for those questions for which we already have clear answers—that sexual life requires the permission and consent of each partner, respect for each other's wishes, and that one should not force or harm others based on personal sexual needs—these are principles that everyone, regardless of their sexual preferences, should remember and practice.

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Why would someone genuinely want to be cuckolded?

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