Forwarded—A Brief Analysis of Adultery

Why do some men engage in cuckoldry? Why do they find it more exciting to let others have their wives than to have sex with them themselves? There are actually two main reasons.

First, men have a tendency to desire women who are sexually promiscuous. The more promiscuous a woman's behavior (not her inner thoughts) is, the more excited a man becomes. This is universal. All men want their women to be wanton in bed, to be seductive and passionate during sex. Why? Because a woman's promiscuous behavior—such as bending over and begging for sex, striking poses and throwing flirtatious glances, shouting "I'm a slut, I need to be fucked!"—is essentially a courtship behavior in zoology. Like a peacock displaying its plumage or a cat meowing, when a female expresses her desire to mate, the male receives the message and reacts accordingly. Although sex in humans has transcended mere reproduction, both the original essence and meaning of sexual behavior, and the innate human behaviors and psychology revealed by evolutionary psychology, have an evolutionary basis, indicating that the influence of this basic reproductive behavior is etched into sexual behavior. In other words, the human brain has evolved a natural reflex: when a female exhibits such behavior, a male will naturally react. Therefore, when a man watches or participates in a woman's sexual activity, especially in a successful threesome or other cuckolding scenario, the woman will display extreme lewdness, desire, and initiative, providing the man with immense visual stimulation and satisfaction, and arousing natural sexual excitement and impulse. Moreover, this behavior actively and completely showcases the woman's sensuality and attractiveness, representing one of the most beautiful moments in a woman's sexuality. If the woman is reserved, it's not a successful activity, indicating that the man derives lewd pleasure and stimulation from it. On the other hand, every man harbors a dark side: the desire to degrade others. This desire provides immense satisfaction and self-affirmation. When a woman behaves in a degrading or shameless manner in front of him, he experiences great satisfaction. It's similar to how being in a high position, being served, and witnessing others behaving more degradingly than oneself brings self-satisfaction. However, this psychology is not overt or dominant in everyone. For most people, this dark psychology lies dormant, not even fully formed, only emerging when triggered by strong external stimuli. For cuckold enthusiasts, because they don't feel aversion to sexually abusing their wives, they face no moral or ideological pressure, resulting in less self-suppression of this dark psychology. They often enjoy the feeling and don't consider this behavior a dark psychology (doing this to their wives is just a pastime or game, a common thought; if it were done to strangers or relatives, or if they saw others being forced, they wouldn't feel this way but rather find it cruel and perverse. However, if they feel excitement from this, it means their dark psychology has fully surfaced, reaching a severe level of perversion). Therefore, they can naturally accept the self-satisfaction and affirmation it brings, thus stimulating the brain's reward mechanism and obtaining pleasure and excitement.

Furthermore, if only these psychological factors are present, it's merely the lowest level of cuckoldry, simply satisfying one's own desires. For most genuine enthusiasts, it often involves gradual "training," that is, changing their wives' views on sex, helping them accept the separation of sex and love and the enjoyment of sex. They don't force their women, but rather ensure they experience enjoyment and satisfaction. This enjoyment and satisfaction is like giving them pleasure; even if it's not directly given, the act itself triggers a reward mechanism, leading to self-affirmation and satisfaction. Imagine, if you love someone, what could be more gratifying than making them happy and satisfied? Some people feel this must be something they directly give, so they can't accept cuckolding. For cuckold enthusiasts, as long as they facilitate it, it's their achievement and deserves recognition. With the influx of sexual liberation thought, people's attitudes are gradually changing, accepting that women's sexuality is natural, normal, and a right they should enjoy like men's. Men can seek out women when they need it, and women can too. Women should also enjoy sexual pleasure, not be constrained. Therefore, they don't see anything wrong with women being proactive in their sexuality, and they don't hold the traditional, lewd, and shameless view (the "lewd" here is a positive term describing a woman's sexual development and initiative, unrelated to moral character). So, let her face sex directly, boldly accept it, accept her own needs, and actively seek satisfaction when she has them—that is, go to a man when she has needs. There's nothing wrong with that. Sex and love are two different things. Sex is a need, an enjoyment, like savoring delicious food. In fact, sex and eating are the most basic human desires and needs; the two are very similar. Sexual reproduction and natural physiological needs are like being hungry, while enjoying sex, rather than just satisfying natural sexual urges, is like enjoying delicious food when you're not very hungry. It's just that sex has been linked to emotions since ancient times, and women's characteristics do indeed inherently connect sex and emotions, but you can consciously distinguish and control these. Merely engaging in intercourse without emotion is naturally a form of cuckoldry for a woman's pleasure, but what's the difference between that and prostitution? Humans don't have that many needs. If it's just intercourse without emotion, you might as well seek help from a male prostitute. Therefore, there will inevitably be some feelings involved, but this is not love. It's like when you think a young man is handsome, or you think someone is sharp, or you're attracted to someone with leadership qualities—it's just a feeling of attraction. This is similar to a man seeing a sexy woman and having thoughts of having a relationship with her (Note: This is an explanation of specific examples. You might have thoughts of wanting to have a relationship with a beautiful woman, not that you'll have this thought every time you see a beautiful woman. But you've definitely had this experience, so this applies to that experience).

If we elevate our perspective further, it's like a Western-style romantic relationship: as long as it's the one you truly love, the one you can't truly give up, then having feelings for others is perfectly acceptable. One person's love can't cover every inch of another's heart. In those areas untouched by love, developing relationships with lovers or confidants can be temporary, just something to tide you over when you need emotional or spiritual support. Once it's over, you can put them back or simply accept it and find someone new. This is a way to address emotional and spiritual needs in the face of modern spiritual emptiness and the busyness of making a living. Obviously, this isn't suitable for everyone, only for those who can separate their different feelings. They can only truly love one person; the others are just fleeting feelings or entanglements—to put it bluntly, just something to satisfy their needs. Or, they can only truly love one person, and the others are insignificant compared to that, merely supplements or snacks for nourishment. Furthermore, don't deny that there are many cases in reality where people fall in love with two or more people and can't let go. You might say that's not true love, but who knows the truth? At least for them, this is already the deepest feeling. If they could develop a deeper feeling, they wouldn't be so tormented. Only those who say they can't let go but are actually just greedy for both and want to have both can truly understand this. Whether someone is truly in love can be discerned from whether they feel conflicted and unwilling or feel unbearable pain when faced with a choice. Moreover, in reality, there are definitely many couples whose deepest love is not for their spouse. Are these couples all forced into marriage? No, you may not love him/her the deepest, but you are still willing to give yourself for them, even your life. Isn't that love? But in this case, there are two people in one's heart, a distinction between multiple people. So, returning to the kind of feeling that comes with cuckolding after reaching a certain level, being willing to let her enjoy and experience it, is essentially the same—one person has several people in their heart at the same time. Moreover, the latter has a more significant and strict distinction between primary and secondary people than the former. My personal understanding of love is the willingness to give without expecting anything in return. As long as the other person is happy and satisfied, I can gain self-affirmation and find meaning in my actions. Therefore, in this "non-monogamous" love model, there is actually only one person you truly love, or the one you love most deeply (to be honest, I personally think there's no difference between the two, but in many literary works and personal confessions, there are still accounts of people loving the most deeply, so I've retained this view. Perhaps in their view, not thinking about the other person, actively caring for them, and being happy when together is love). This is because the person they care about, the one they are willing to sacrifice for, is happy when the other person is happy, suffers when the other person is suffering, and gets hurt because of the other person. Most importantly, if you had to choose, if both of them needed you, you would absolutely choose to sacrifice for the other person.

Finally, there's the deep-seated desire for control that many people have mentioned. When I first entered this circle, my main motivation was also this: to completely control her sexually. “Since I’m having an affair with my wife, then naturally her sexual behavior—with me and with others—is under my control. I control her desires, her relationships with others, and even the act of ‘cheating,’ at least physically, is under my control. This reduces her desire and possibility of cheating, because she can have relationships with others as long as it’s under my control. So why would she betray me? Her body and mind are entirely under my control.” This kind of mentality led me to initially accept the idea of having an affair with my wife. Perhaps many enthusiasts don’t agree with the word “control,” so let’s use another one: knowledge, oath of loyalty, and permission—I have knowledge of all her sexual behavior, she must swear loyalty to me, and she must obey my sexual wishes. If I agree, she can have relationships with others; if I disagree, she cannot—but the essence is still the same. Therefore, under this deep level of control, it is actually still a “desire to possess and control what belongs to oneself”—comparing it to an object is impolite, but this desire is inherent in human nature; men have it, and women have it too. I remember the person who introduced me to this field once said, "Cuckoldry is just a way to increase the passion and excitement of married life, a lifestyle and activity to avoid the mundane." It doesn't involve marital affection; it's just a game. You shouldn't participate with emotions, judgment, or morality; otherwise, you're out of the game. "Passion isn't wrong; what's wrong is passion without love." If this passion occurs when the love between the couple is in crisis or has already disappeared, then it's not cuckoldry, or rather, it's gone too far from real. Within this community, no one denies that psychological, emotional, and spiritual infidelity is acceptable. Everyone is just playing, enjoying themselves, searching for the feeling of courtship, the excitement and thrill of first seeing each other, not talking about feelings. Taking sex and threesomes as examples, a more mature approach is that while everyone is uninhibited during the activity, afterwards, when they meet and talk, they avoid discussing those things, maintaining a tacit understanding to avoid awkwardness and to avoid constantly mentioning sex or behaving too frivolously. Of course, with more contact and familiarity, things will naturally become more relaxed. However, interacting like a couple, except for specially agreed-upon games, is not permitted or accepted. This is because everyone knows that such a relationship has already occurred. If casual interactions are so uninhibited, it's both awkward and pointless, and easily leads to escalation.

Okay, that's the end of my explanation. But in conclusion, while I can explain and clarify the views on love and sex held by my peers, there are still some unclear points. For example, the distinction between cuckoldry and promiscuity, and casual sex. Although there's no unified view, cuckoldry is different from promiscuity and a casual attitude towards sex. It's just that this is very difficult to define. After all, if your wife used to be someone who emphasized complete freedom and freedom in her sexual attitude, and now you agree to cuckoldry, and she can have relationships with whomever she wants, what exactly does that mean?

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Forwarded—A Brief Analysis of Adultery

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