[Under pressure]

On a side note: I feel like I'm missing a lot of my vibrant self without a man.

After being back for so long, he finally texted me: "A pang of heartache from being misunderstood, a pang of heartache from being ignored, a pang of heartache from being only remembered… I imagined so many scenarios for our meeting… I'm so, so hurt."

It seems my "premenstrual syndrome" has affected at least two people… I didn't explain much, just asked him, "So, are we going to meet?"

He replied, "You silly girl, heaven knows how strongly I want to see you! I want, I want, I want… Just now, my eyes welled up with tears." I

was taking a nap then, and I laughed on my pillow… It had been at least 7 or 8 months since I'd seen him. Steady, considerate, understanding, with such immense sexual energy and… (well, talking about size is too vulgar) him… Ha, but thankfully, I was on my period. Even if I wasn't, I didn't want our relationship to be just about sex… He's someone I can lean on and talk to for so long.

It was just past nine o'clock at night when he said he'd meet at MOMA Cafe. I wasn't familiar with the place, and even though it was my hometown, I still felt like a guest. But he was very obedient because I said, "I absolutely won't go to hotels or guesthouses; I'll only have tea."

I'm not being particularly aloof, nor am I pretending to be. I said that from the bottom of my heart. You know, after not seeing each other for half a year, who wouldn't have some changes in their feelings? And there's always a bit of awkwardness that needs to be dispelled through conversation… Besides, my situation seems more complicated. I still have feelings for another guy, and I also have a strong desire to maintain a brief period of fidelity… Am I being promiscuous? I don't know. I've found

that my love seems to be quite extraordinary; I can often like three people at the same time without any problem… My apologies. In the small private room at MOMA Cafe, I sat down, and just as he was about to come in, I impulsively sprayed on some cologne—the one Sister Yi Dian Yuan gave me last time, very subtle… Suddenly, I felt a little excited about the date.

I even got up and turned off the extra lights in the room, leaving a slightly bright light—an ambiguous atmosphere, at least I should wait for the waiter to serve the tea so he could decide.

He came in. It had been a long time since I'd seen him; he hadn't changed much and looked quite refreshed.

He sat next to me, and listening to his conversation with the waiter, I sensed he knew quite a bit about tea… I always like to find ways to look up to men, then happily act like a silly woman… I listened to him, drinking whatever he drank.

The tea arrived quickly, and we also ordered a fruit platter.

After the waiter left, our fingers intertwined.

He cupped my face again, kissing my forehead and eyes.

When he reached my nose, he lightly brushed it with his finger, and I pulled away.

Heh. It turns out there wasn't as distant from him as I'd imagined.

I held his arm, leaned on his shoulder… and talked about my anxieties about life this year, about my family… He criticized me for not sleeping with my mother at least once since I came back, then spoke intimately, advising me on what kind of gift to give my nephew when I visit my younger brother… He said I should buy myself some jewelry when I go to Hong Kong… and then asked if we should go to Qinghai together…

When we didn’t want to talk anymore, a gentle hug, a gentle kiss… time seemed to flow backward… our breaths grew closer, but my skirt grew shorter, his fingers slipped inside my collar, kneading and caressing, becoming softer and softer… …He grabbed my hand…his lower abdomen was bulging, hard, and he looked furious…it seemed like we hadn’t seen each other in a long time, and he was unfamiliar with me. I still sighed inwardly…

he stroked and rubbed against me through my pants…just as I was about to lose control, I hurriedly pushed him away and said, “You’re dressed so neatly!”

He said, “What should I wear?”

I said, “Shorts are great, no belt, just pull them down…haha.”

He laughed, “My belt is easy to undo too…”

Hehehe, we both burst into laughter…I lifted his shirt and rubbed his cool belly with the back of my hands.

He said, “No, I can’t settle down until the fruit platter arrives.”

Then he kept urging for the fruit platter…Forty minutes had passed, and not a single fruit platter had been delivered! Finally, the waiter brought a plate of roasted melon seeds with an apologetic expression, and when the fruit platter arrived, he sweetly wished us “happiness and joy”…hehe, the tone was like blessing a newlywed couple, strange, but also interesting.

The fruit platter arrived, and he got up to check the door, then said with a hint of annoyance, "This door isn't locked..."

I chuckled, "Locked or unlocked, it doesn't matter, the waiter wouldn't dare barge in..." I laughed at his ulterior motives.

He gently pulled a sofa and leaned it against the door... This action was filled with an arrogant atmosphere of lust... I cooperated, adjusting the lights to a suitable dimness.

He had said he was at the point where he wanted to tear me to pieces.

But, but, a red light warning... The third day, the moment of climax.

My legs were tightly clamped together, as if a flood was about to burst, I was terrified.

He said sorry.

He was sorry for me, for provoking me at this moment, yet unable to calm me down!

I knelt on his lap, seething with resentment... Finally, I saw his beautiful, erect, glistening, furious member... It was so unfamiliar, it had become too full in my hands... Vaguely, scenes from the past flashed back... It seemed to recall that first moment when he filled me...

I liked his half-dazed, anxious, and silent look.

"...A lot, right?"

"A lot."

I rinsed my mouth, genuinely impressed.

"I've kept it for you for over twenty days."

Ha, I pinched his arm, saying I didn't believe him.

...

He calmed down, pulled up the sofa, and then had a lot more to say, recommending several novels to me, and suggesting I read "Lost in Thailand," saying it was funny and somewhat interesting... He also said: L is downstairs.

I said let him come up.

He called, the call connected, and asked L to come up, then said: He won't come unless you invite him personally.

I said: Never mind then.

After a while, I learned that L had slept in the car again, and feeling a bit bad, I still asked him to call L up so we could chat for a bit.

L is a very interesting person; his words always make people laugh.

He always said that L pays close attention to my whereabouts, especially since I came back this time, he's been keeping a close eye on my diary... Ha.

We chatted for a while, and L said I still had a certain charm, and that my simple, straight hairstyle was the best... Hehe.

At midnight, worried that I'd be home late, he drove me home.

As we went outside, it started to rain, and it was a bit chilly.

He hugged me and said, "It's a pity I'm shirtless if I take off my clothes, otherwise I would take them off and give them to you." I chuckled and said,

"Why would I need to take off my clothes?"

But I really love the late-night hours, the drizzling rain, the dimly lit streets, and him holding me like this.

Once in the car, he gently, stealthily, began to kiss me.

I dreaded his kisses on the ear, his fondling of my breasts… and sure enough, I couldn't help but let out a soft moan.

L said, "Are you going to let me drive or not?!"

Ha, whatever.

In my hazy state, L seemed to reach out and pinch my ankles, calves, knees…

the car seemed to be stopped on the side of the road…

everything sank into a blur again, like that night with the red wine a year ago.

Imagination felt so far away, reality so close, so close I couldn't even look directly at it… the red alert made everything feel oppressive and amplified the wild helplessness.

Thankfully, the red alert prevented me from truly losing my way… Ha, I don't know whether to resent or be grateful.

Half an hour passed… before we finally rushed to the entrance of the residential area.

Two dogs, one black and one white, were lying at the door. He wanted to see me off, but he couldn't squeeze through the doorframe, so I had to go in alone, carefully watching the two dogs as I shuffled over step by step… When I got home, I told my darling that "Lost on Journey" should be pretty good. He said he'd wanted to watch it with me before, so, since I wasn't sleepy, he found some, and we ate some stir-fried vegetables and started watching "Lost on Journey" together… It was pretty good. One part even brought a couple of tears to my eyes, but it gave me even more laughter.

After the movie, lying down, my darling said honestly: "You have a masculine scent about you…"

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[Under pressure]

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