[A Psychological Analysis of My One-on-One Relationships with Men]

It's quite common for married women to have one-on-one interactions with men (both emotional and physical). What's not common is that these interactions are transparent and permitted within their respective marriages. I won't discuss affairs or betrayals here; I find it hard to bear.

Let me use myself as an example. Firstly, a friend asked me this question, and secondly, I haven't investigated this issue and it's not representative of the general situation, so my answer is very personal. I'll break it down step by step:

1. Why do you prefer interacting with single men?

In my view, in couples' friendships, the requirement for all four people to communicate and exchange ideas collectively is a basic stage. This basic stage includes the initial stage of getting to know each other and the initial stage of understanding the concept of couples' friendships. At this stage, everyone is reserved, afraid of missing someone or ignoring someone's feelings. Therefore, everyone must be careful, attentively observing each other's expressions and feelings, and slowly building mutual affection... At this stage, if there is any one-on-one contact between the two partners, it will definitely make their spouses suspicious, or even unhappy and quarrelsome.

However, for couples with a deep understanding of dating and practical experience, and with strong trust between them, occasional dates are easily understandable and can even foster more imagination without causing misunderstandings. So,

my preference for dating single men stems not only from the strong foundation of trust between my spouse and me, but also from a selfish reason. Even with four people, the relationship is still just about mutual care and affection; the friendship is profound and shouldn't be easily crossed. Being selfish, I naturally want the other person to care more about me and not be affected by another woman, not to have their expression diminished by worrying about another woman's feelings… I like periods of exclusivity, or regional exclusivity.

Also, I secretly enjoy different romantic encounters, like observing different men and experiencing their lives—it's no less rewarding than reading countless books… I feel this gives life depth and prevents it from becoming barren… This is probably a bad habit, but fortunately, my partner tolerates it.

Because of this foundation of trust, and because of this selfish desire for affection, I feel that single men are more likely to fulfill these needs… Of course, if a man is in the same situation as me, free and trusted, then it's a perfect relationship… If a man has something he can't say, I will naturally be mindful of boundaries, giving him just a little bit of space and not disrupting his existing life. (I seem to have always done this very well; my self-control probably comes from my sense of responsibility towards my family… The warmth and trust I receive at home are unparalleled, so I naturally cherish them greatly and never let any date conflict with my family's wishes. It's not that I'm particularly calm in handling things; often, the more freedom I give, the clearer I can see my bottom line, and naturally, I can make choices within the warmth of love.)

2. My feelings before a date with a man alone?

I can sense that the person asking this question actually wants to know if I feel guilty towards my family and partner. To put it simply, if I feel guilty, then I won't go on the date.

Generally, if I want to go on a date, the first step is always to get my partner's consent and explain some of their situation, so they won't worry about my safety. Then, I will behave very well, genuinely well, because I am grateful to my partner… I will diligently do housework, keep the house tidy, and try my best to please him, be good to him and our family, and make him feel comfortable. I don't think this is a sign of guilt, but rather a deep understanding of his tolerance. Next, I will share my feelings with him, letting him know that even though we are not together, he will understand my actions… such as what kind of person he is, whether I am happy, whether I want to continue the relationship, etc…

Because I will do this, I won't feel guilty or anxious towards my partner before a date.

Of course, I will have expectations for the person I'm dating, and I will also have some mental preparation, my own judgment standards, principles, and I won't compromise.

Facing a date, I will set off happily, trying to maintain my true self, neither humble nor arrogant, and sometimes I can even feign modesty, haha.

3. How do I feel after a date?

When I meet a good, compatible person, I will naturally feel happy after the date.

I will also share my feelings with my partner depending on the situation. I used to nervously tell him everything, no matter how small. Now, I say what I feel like, and if I don't want to say anything, I don't. He doesn't pry and gives me space… Of course, when something interesting or touching happens, I still can't help but tell him, because he's already a part of me. If I

encounter someone embarrassing me, I definitely explain it to him, analyze together whether it's my fault or the other person's, and learn from it… Luckily, I don't meet people easily, so I've always met good people, and it's been quite pleasant. Different levels and different ways of being pleasant.

4. His mood before and after a date?

I've never asked him directly, but I'm observant.

Before every date, he seems very busy, and he seems to be enjoying himself, which makes me feel no unease. Maybe he's unintentional, or maybe he's intentional so I don't have to think too much about him and can have a complete and enjoyable date… I say goodbye to him happily, and he only reminds me to text him when I arrive, and to text him anytime if anything happens.

He has his hobbies and is very focused on them, so I'm not worried. But his composure certainly wasn't innate; it was something that gradually settled from his unease. He has excellent mental fortitude, thinks things through openly, and is considerate of others. So, I think he probably finds happiness in my happiness and then finds things to do to make time pass quickly.

I understand this about him, which is why I can't help but kiss him and gaze into his eyes, asking if he minds. Only when I see his genuine smile do I feel at ease.

After a date, I usually see him picking me up. He'll gently hug me and calmly ask how I feel. Whether I describe it in detail or just briefly, he'll always joke with me, showing how much he loves me. It's common for us to playfully tease each other on the way home.

If the date didn't go very well, he'll comfort me and reassure me. I'll become even more dependent on him, feeling that he's irreplaceable.

...Ah, that's roughly it. After writing this, I can't help but sigh again, my man is truly, truly, truly wonderful. So unique, and only mine. So thank you to that friend, I have another chance to relive his good memories :)

P.S.: Dating here doesn't just refer to intimate dates, there are also regular dates... Intimate dates are the minority, after all, because there's also the issue of whether it's appropriate or not.

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[A Psychological Analysis of My One-on-One Relationships with Men]

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