Reprinted from a young woman's account (her husband complains that she's not a virgin and forces her to talk about her experiences having sex with other men).

I think the stone that settled in my heart should be called a "chastity complex," a kind of outdated concept imposed on me by two Chinese men.

For two years of marriage, Dapeng remained resentful that I hadn't married him as a virgin.

I explained to him, a man from a farming family but far more educated than me, that a woman's hymen meant absolutely nothing; my once-confused first love was just a dream, and after waking up, I realized I didn't love that person. I even joked with Dapeng, "God seems unfair, giving women something that seems to prove their virginity, but not giving men something like a 'hymen,' so women can also find out if the men they love are 'original.'" However, Dapeng wouldn't let it go, always finding excuses to force me to reveal the details of my supposed "loss of virginity." Once, he even demanded that I specifically describe who took off whose pants first with the man who appeared before him, and what happened afterward. I angrily refused. Unexpectedly, my rejection caused Dapeng, who had always been reluctant to hurt me (even if only superficially), to slap himself as if he had truly lost all dignity, as if I had cheated on him. At that moment, I knew I had married the wrong person. When we finally divorced, I cried, unable to understand how my seemingly perfect marriage had ended so badly. Dapeng also shed tears.

Perhaps to escape the suffocating atmosphere of my small hometown and to desperately need some fresh air, I came to Beijing, a city I had longed for, and while working odd jobs, I picked up my almost completely forgotten English. Two years later, after much doubt and finally confirming that I was truly in love again, I deliberately chose an opportune moment to share my happiness with the homeless painter with whom I had lived for six months, the one who wore a ponytail. But he said, "You might not believe it, but I actually care about your past just as much as your ex-husband does. Besides, I don't trust divorced women!" Good heavens, I'd stumbled twice over the issue of "virginity," and the desolation in my heart was bone-deep.

The darkest period of my life ended after I passed the entrance exam for a foreign-owned hotel and became its lobby manager, thanks to my self-improved English. Once, my Dutch colleague, Jane, told me that men caring about whether a girl is a virgin or has been married before is ridiculous in Western culture. She even encouraged me, "If you don't believe me, try dating a Western boy!" At her 25th birthday party, she introduced me to her ex-boyfriend, Jeff.

Although Jeff didn't become my boyfriend as Jane had hoped, I slowly began to enjoy making friends with foreigners. I admire their open, straightforward, and natural way of living, even their attitude of clearly separating love, liking, and sex (unlike Chinese men, who often seem to torment themselves by making what should be pure, innocent emotions feel heavy). Later, it was my Swedish boss, Luther, who was also divorced, who launched a rose offensive after our one-night stand. We went from mutual admiration to true love, and it took a year and a half until he put an engagement ring on my finger. Only then did I feel a sense of relief, as if a weight had finally been lifted from my heart. I think that weight should be called a "chastity complex," a distorted concept imposed on me by two Chinese men.

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Reprinted from a young woman's account (her husband complains that she's not a virgin and forces her to talk about her experiences having sex with other men).

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