Online novel reprint: I Became the Matchmaker Between My Father and Wife - Chapter 181 - The Finale

Chapter 181
It was already nine o'clock at night when I got home. I lay in bed playing on my phone while Xiaoying was coaxing Duoduo to sleep. Ever since Duoduo was born, this little guy has been clinging to Xiaoying and me all the time. Even though the bedroom next door was empty after his father moved out, he refused to sleep there alone. Kids are timid, that's normal. Plus, Xiaoying spoils him, so she doesn't feel comfortable letting him sleep alone; he tosses and turns in his sleep, which isn't safe.
With Duoduo's presence, Xiaoying and I have been less intimate these past few years, since there's always a little third wheel in our bed. Xiaoying had just passed the seven-year itch after giving birth to Haohao, and now she's facing the seven-year itch with Duoduo. Tonight, the little guy was exhausted and fell asleep quickly. Xiaoying and I haven't been intimate in a long time, so I'll take this opportunity to release my pent-up desire. It's been a long time, and maybe I can give Xiaoying an orgasm this time. In addition, due to my father's recent health issues, he hadn't been in a good mood, and having sex with Xiaoying could help relieve his stress.
Xiaoying gently placed the sleeping Duoduo on the far side of the bed, then lightly kissed Duoduo's forehead. As Xiaoying carefully held Duoduo and laid her flat on the bed, Xiaoying, wearing a nightgown, bent over with her buttocks sticking out. Lying behind her, I saw Xiaoying's increasingly voluptuous and alluring body, and a fire burned within me. My penis, not as large as my father's but still relatively normal, involuntarily became erect. I don't know if it was my imagination, but Xiaoying, who had been "developed" by my father, seemed to be getting more and more attractive, with a touch more allure and a touch of not-too-excessive flirtatiousness.
"Husband, stop it, I have something I want to ask you..." I had just reached out towards Xiaoying's raised buttocks, and my hands were about to rub them when Xiaoying grabbed them, then turned around and asked me, her expression suggesting she had something on her mind.
"What's wrong? Wife..." Seeing Xiaoying like this, I was a little puzzled, but I withdrew my mischievous hand.
"Tell me the truth, what's wrong with Dad? Why were you talking to Aunt Zhang behind his back?"
Xiaoying had probably wanted to ask this question for a long time, but things concerning her father were perhaps too sensitive for her, so she kept it to herself. She had probably struggled with it for a long time before finally asking.
"Nothing much, just a normal male ailment..." Remembering Aunt Zhang's instructions, I decided to keep it a secret for now. Firstly, it hadn't been diagnosed yet, and we couldn't jump to conclusions. Secondly, I was afraid that if Xiaoying found out, she would give herself away to my father. Illness is like this: if someone has cancer, it's better if the patient doesn't know, as there's still a chance of recovery. But if the patient knows they have cancer, and their mental fortitude is weak, it could worsen the condition, essentially leading to death.
"No, honey, I feel things aren't that simple. I wasn't planning to ask, but Mom's mood is getting increasingly pessimistic, and you've also occasionally shown negative emotions. I know you well; if Dad's illness weren't serious, with your mental fortitude, you definitely wouldn't show these signs." Xiaoying said with certainty in her eyes. After all, Xiaoying is a meticulous woman, and I can barely keep it from her, but Aunt Zhang might not be so sure.
"Sigh... There's no diagnosis yet, so I can't tell you for sure. I can only tell you... Dad might have cancer, prostate cancer..." No matter what, Xiaoying is a member of the family. She's already noticed something, and if I continue to hide it from her, she might think I don't trust her. I should tell her the truth.
"..." Xiaoying's mouth was slightly open as she knelt on the bed, maintaining the posture she had after settling Duoduo. At this moment, Xiaoying seemed to have been struck by lightning, stunned, her expression revealing disbelief, and a hint of hidden guilt in her eyes.
"You...you said...is it true? How sure are you?" Xiaoying was stunned for a while before asking again. Perhaps because she was too surprised and nervous, her words trembled and stuttered at first, but it was clear that she was extremely worried and nervous.
"The results will be out tomorrow. Whatever the result is, you have to keep it a secret. Don't tell Dad..." I breathed a sigh of relief. Normally, it's normal for a daughter-in-law to care about her father-in-law, especially since he has such a serious illness. But at this moment, knowing their past, seeing Xiaoying's expression, especially her excessive nervousness and the hint of guilt, I felt a surge of jealousy again. This kind of jealousy hadn't appeared for a long time since my father and Xiaoying ended their relationship.
After saying this, I slowly lay down. Xiaoying knelt blankly on the bed, then slowly lay down next to me like a puppet. At this moment, she seemed to have lost her soul. If she weren't afraid of making me overthink, she might have already cried. After all, my father's feelings for Xiaoying were far more than just those of a father-in-law; their relationship was extraordinary. Seeing Xiaoying's distraught state, coupled with the lingering jealousy and the memory of her father's illness, my penis had already gone limp, devoid of the fiery desire I had felt moments before. Seeing Xiaoying like this, and reflecting on my current life, I decided to offer her some comfort, at least a hug. I turned and slowly placed my hand on Xiaoying's slender waist.
"Husband…no…I don't want tonight…" As soon as I touched her waist, Xiaoying blocked my arm with her hand, her voice devoid of emotion as she refused. I had only intended to offer her some comfort, nothing more, but I hadn't expected Xiaoying to misunderstand me, thinking I was trying to make love and had rejected me. Although I knew Xiaoying's attitude was understandable, the jealousy that had just surfaced in my heart deepened.
Rejected and somewhat annoyed, I reluctantly withdrew my hand, then turned my back to Xiaoying, closed my eyes, and prepared to fall asleep. In the past, Xiaoying and I always slept in each other's arms, or at least I always faced her. The fact that I suddenly turned my back to her meant only one thing: I was angry. We'd been together for so many years; she knew exactly what my every gesture meant.
Before, whenever I turned my back to her, she would immediately turn around and hug me from behind, whispering softly in my ear, "Honey, what's wrong? Is something bothering you?" But this time, I turned my back to her for a long, long time, and Xiaoying didn't move at all, as if she wasn't behind me. There wasn't a sound behind me.
I could only hear her uneven breathing. At this point, she hadn't cried, which was probably a good thing.
I didn't sleep a wink all night, and I don't know when I finally fell asleep. Because I had my back to Xiaoying last night, I didn't see her expression or anything else about her. The next morning, while reporting to the company, I quickly retrieved the surveillance footage from the previous night onto my computer. I saw Xiaoying lying helplessly on the bed behind me, like a soulless walking corpse, her head turned towards the window. I wondered what she was looking at through the window, perhaps the stars, recalling the blessings and promises they had made, and why they hadn't come true now.
Her eyes held guilt and self-reproach. Xiaoying knew a little about medicine; she had even studied nursing in her spare time during university, so she knew perfectly well why her father had this illness. The main cause of prostate disease was undoubtedly excessive sexual activity. And it was Xiaoying who had aroused her father's sexual desire in his later years. Being a woman with a strong sense of responsibility, Xiaoying must have felt incredibly guilty at this moment.
Xiaoying lay on the bed, barely moving for almost half the night, her eyes fixed on the window, rarely even blinking. Finally, tears began to stream down her cheeks, then onto the pillow, until they disappeared. Seeing Xiaoying like this, although my heart ached, I also felt a little understanding. I let out a sigh of relief, shut down my computer, said goodbye to the general manager, and then headed to the hospital.
Driving on the highway, I couldn't help feeling a little nervous. I'd find out the results soon at the hospital. To avoid unnecessary trouble and complications, I didn't tell Xiaoying; the later she found out, the better. I arranged with Aunt Zhang on the phone that we'd go see the attending physician together after I arrived at the hospital to inquire about the results.
After arriving at the hospital, I called Aunt Zhang. I didn't go into the ward but waited for her in the lobby. Soon, I saw Aunt Zhang walking towards me, and to my surprise, Xiaoying was with her. Xiaoying looked a little haggard because she hadn't slept well the night before. Although she was wearing makeup to cover it up, I could still tell.
"Xiaoying arrived even earlier than you. She's part of our family too. I told her to keep it a secret, so let's not hide it from her..." Aunt Zhang smiled and smoothed things over when she saw my stunned expression upon seeing Xiaoying. I glanced at Xiaoying. We made eye contact for a moment, then she looked away. Although she looked away slowly, I could still see a hint of panic in her eyes. She had carefully hidden her past with her father all these years, never daring to reveal the slightest flaw. Today, she suddenly came to the hospital without telling me, which meant she had made a huge decision, after all, it concerned her father's life.
"It's okay, Mom. Actually, I already told her yesterday. Let's go, Mom..." I said with a smile to Aunt Zhang, then turned and led the way. Aunt Zhang and Xiaoying followed behind me. No one spoke a word along the way, but the atmosphere was extremely tense.
I knocked on the door of the attending physician's office and saw the doctor. He was projecting some films onto the projector, and the table below was covered with various test forms. This doctor was someone my friend had introduced me to; we were acquaintances, and having more friends makes things easier. Seeing us enter the office, he nodded slightly to us, then continued staring at the slides in front of him without saying anything else.
I don't know if the film he was watching was of my father, but seeing his expression, the hearts of the three of us sank to the bottom. Everyone's hearts clenched. The doctor seemed like a judge from hell; we awaited his judgment on my father's fate…
Chapter 182
"You all sit down…" The attending physician glanced at us and said, his tone heavy, which we all understood.
"Mom, let's sit over there…" Aunt Zhang trembled slightly upon hearing the doctor's words. I quickly reached out to support her. Seeing her like this, if the doctor announced bad news, Aunt Zhang might faint. It was safer for her to sit down.
"No need, doctor, just say it. We can handle it…" Aunt Zhang refused to sit down, took a breath, and said to the doctor with a determined expression. I glanced at Xiaoying beside me. Although she wasn't trembling or staggering, she was biting her lower lip tightly. At this moment, my anxiety was at its peak.
"Alright, then I'll get straight to the point…" the doctor said, observing our expressions.
"Cancer, late stage..." Seeing our reactions, the doctor uttered only four words, effectively sealing my father's fate.
"Mom, Xiaoying..." Before I could even process the news, I was flustered by the two people beside me. I quickly helped Aunt Zhang and Xiaoying, who were about to collapse. Upon hearing the doctor's "verdict," both of them involuntarily fell backward.
"Mom, Xiaoying, are you alright..." The attending physician, perhaps used to such scenes,
quickly stood up after announcing my father's final diagnosis and helped me support Aunt Zhang; otherwise, I wouldn't have been able
to support both women at the same time.
"It's alright, just a sudden rush of heat. I can wake them up by pinching their philtrum..." After the doctor and I helped them to chairs, the doctor began pinching their philtrum, and they slowly regained consciousness.
"Why is my life so miserable? My ex-husband is gone, and now I've finally found happiness in my later years, why does this have to happen? Am I really destined to bring bad luck to my husbands?" Aunt Zhang cried as soon as she woke up. I quickly comforted her, while Xiaoying sat slumped in her chair, seemingly in a daze, her eyes lifeless, without tears or words.
"Doctor, is there any way to treat it?" If it's incurable, how long can she live? Hearing this news, I bravely endured it. If my father really had this disease, then I was very likely the culprit. After all, the biggest cause of prostate disease is excessive sexual activity, and I was the one who pushed and arranged everything, which led to the current consequences. I didn't have time to think about anything else; I only thought about how to treat my father and do everything I could to save his life.
"You don't need to be like this. Many people think that a late-stage prostate cancer diagnosis is a death sentence, meaning life is coming to an end. In fact, prostate cancer is a very common and important disease among men in modern clinical practice. It is very difficult to treat and relatively troublesome. But that doesn't mean that late-stage prostate cancer is incurable. So you have to be strong. There might still be hope." The doctor thought for a while and said, as if to encourage the three of us.
"Really?" Hearing the doctor's words, the three of us instantly became much more alert, and Aunt Zhang immediately stood up and grabbed the doctor's arm with both hands.
"Yes, Auntie, be gentle, it hurts..." The doctor was dressed very thinly, and Aunt Zhang's grip on his arm was so strong that the doctor winced. Perhaps she was too excited.
"But don't be too optimistic. I'm just saying there's hope. The outcome depends on the patient's physical condition, the treatment process, and their mental state. Late-stage cancer is inherently difficult to treat. As for the probability of success, it's about 50/50." The doctor didn't forget to throw some cold water on my hopes, to prepare us mentally.
"Okay, doctor, we don't care how much it costs, just the best medication and surgery." Hearing that there was still a 50% chance of success, I felt much more relieved. Now I'm the head of the household, in charge of the finances, so I wanted to express my stance. "Don't
worry, I'll call a meeting
later for a consultation. Right now, we've only confirmed that the patient has late-stage cancer, but we still need to conduct more detailed examinations to determine the specific treatment plan. It's best not to let the patient know, to avoid adding to their psychological burden." The doctor tidied up the examination reports, and to avoid disturbing the doctor's meeting, I led the weakening Aunt Zhang and Xiaoying out of the doctor's office.
"Mom, don't worry, it's alright. We have plenty of money. Don't worry, cheer up. Don't let your health deteriorate any further; there's still hope." I comforted Aunt Zhang as I supported her. After
taking Aunt Zhang back to her ward, she quickly touched up her light makeup at the door, composed herself, and went back inside. I then led the dazed Xiaoying out of the hospital. I drove Xiaoying back to her company. She remained silent the entire way; perhaps her heart was in turmoil, a jumble of emotions swirling within her. I didn't speak either. At this moment, getting my father treated was the top priority; everything else was secondary.
The next day, I went to the hospital again. This time, I still didn't call Xiaoying, and it seemed I couldn't bear to face her; she didn't come either. A specific treatment plan should be developed today, and the doctor needs the family's consent before proceeding.
"The treatment plan has been finalized. The patient's condition is much more serious than we initially thought. The best treatment now is surgery to remove the testicles, eliminating the source of male hormone secretion and prolonging the patient's life. Without surgery, relying solely on medication could lead to serious complications. In late-stage prostate cancer, cancer cells can spread and metastasize to the bone marrow. At that point, there is no hope of recovery, and the patient will suffer immense pain before death." The doctor explained the treatment plan directly to us and followed our advice.
"Will surgery be foolproof? What are the consequences after the removal?" I remained rational, wanting to understand all the pros and cons.
"There's never a sure thing in late-stage cancer. Even with surgery, there's no guarantee of survival. But this is currently the only way to prolong the patient's life. Without surgery, the patient definitely won't live more than two months. The testicles are male reproductive organs; after removal, the man will never be able to have sex again. So please consider it carefully, and you must obtain the patient's consent. At this point, there's no hiding anything from the patient if we decide to proceed with the surgery."
Walking out of the doctor's office, Aunt Zhang and I felt heavy-hearted. Right now, the only possible chance of survival was surgery, specifically the removal of the testicles, and even then, there was no guarantee of success. What should we do? Aunt Zhang and I were certain we would have the surgery, but what about Father? What would he choose? Aunt Zhang and I discussed it for a long time outside the ward. We decided it was best to explain directly to him, and ultimately, the decision rested with Father.
Aunt Zhang and I went into the room. Father was lying in bed reading the newspaper. He was unaware of his condition and seemed to be in good spirits. Seeing me enter the room, a slight embarrassment flashed in my father's eyes. After all that had happened, he could never face me, his son, with the same ease again. He chuckled and then sat up in bed.
"Dad, how have you been feeling these past few days?" I sat down in the chair next to him, trying to maintain a smile as I spoke.
"Very good, feeling refreshed," my father replied with a smile, seemingly putting on a brave face. Little did he know, his lower body was riddled with cancer cells, slowly consuming his life.
"Dad, I won't beat around the bush. We've encountered a problem and need your approval." I exchanged a glance with Aunt Zhang, who nodded slightly at me. I took a deep breath and then spoke to my father.
"What's wrong? Why do you both look so serious today?" My father seemed to sense something was amiss, asking with a smile, though it was a forced one.
"Your diagnosis has been confirmed: prostate cancer, late stage..." I read out my father's diagnosis directly, without any concealment, just like the doctor.
"Thud!" Upon hearing the news, Father dropped the newspaper from his hand, his expression unchanged, his mouth agape in shock. He knew all too well what late-stage cancer meant; my mother had died of late-stage lymphoma.
"You...what? You're not kidding, are you? I have cancer? How is that possible?" Father took a long time to recover, then said with a forced smile, his lips trembling and his voice slightly stammering.
"I'm not kidding, it's true. It was just diagnosed yesterday. But don't worry, there's still hope. It requires surgery. If we don't operate in time, it will metastasize to the bones, and then there will be no cure. So surgery is the only option right now, but we need your consent." I explained slowly, giving Father time to accept reality, and his mind began to clear.
"If it can be operated on, then it can be operated on. Why do we need my consent?" Father's expression relaxed immediately upon hearing about the possibility of surgery, and he even let out a slight sigh of relief. No matter how strong a person is, when facing death, they will show fear.
"But the surgery requires removing your testicles. Even if you can live a normal life afterward, you'll..." What testicles mean to a man is something every man knows all too well. Without testicles, without male hormones, a man can never achieve an erection or have sex, and there will be no semen. He'll practically become a modern-day eunuch.
Hearing this news, my father's relaxed expression tensed up again. His face was filled with disbelief, and then, as if remembering something, he closed his eyes in anguish.
"Retribution...it's retribution..." My father seemed to lose all his strength and collapsed onto the bed. He closed his eyes in pain. I knew perfectly well what my father meant by "retribution," but Aunt Zhang didn't. She must have been thinking of something else entirely. She felt guilty for not taking good care of her ex-wife, who had terminal cancer and couldn't afford treatment because of the hardships she endured with my father. Now that my father had the same disease, Aunt Zhang, filled with guilt, wasn't surprised at all when he uttered the word "retribution." Only I truly understand the meaning of the word "father." My father slept with his own daughter-in-law and ended up with a male disease. What else could it be but retribution?
Aunt Zhang sat beside my father, tears streaming down her face, holding his hand as if to encourage him.
I sat quietly, watching my father with his eyes closed, waiting for his answer. My father must be accepting reality, making considerations and decisions. Should he have the surgery or not? Should he choose to end his life like a eunuch or live out his remaining days as a complete man?
Chapter 182.
Everything fell silent. My father lay there, tears streaming down his face, as did Aunt Zhang, who sat beside him. I left the two elderly people alone.
I turned and left the ward, then went to the doctor's room to inquire about the surgery costs and related precautions. By the time I finished asking my questions, more than half an hour had passed. This time should give my father some respite. Actually, the most challenging aspect of this surgery is the patient's psychological resilience. After all, removing the testicles is like becoming a eunuch for the rest of one's life, cutting off the source of male hormone secretion. Furthermore, he might need occasional estrogen injections and lifelong medication to suppress male hormones.
As a result, even the most masculine man would become like an ancient eunuch—unable to bear children, with a high-pitched voice, smooth skin, and an effeminate appearance. I think most men couldn't accept this, including my father.
"No, I won't have the surgery, I'd rather die..."
"But what will I do if you die? Please do it, think of me and the children..."
"No, I absolutely cannot accept the surgery..." Before I even entered the ward, just as I reached the door, I heard my father and Aunt Zhang "arguing" inside. My father seemed very agitated and resolute, while Aunt Zhang was earnestly trying to persuade him.
After I entered the ward, my father and Aunt Zhang stopped arguing, but my father looked pained, as if he had lost all consciousness. When I entered the ward, I didn't know how to comfort my father, and I didn't say a word. I understood him; if it were me, I probably would rather die whole than live a miserable life as an ambiguous being.
"Dad, I'll come again tomorrow. You need time to think things through. I hope you can be rational. You're only sixty, and you have a long road ahead of you. Think about Mom, how long has she been married to you? Think about me, think about Hao Hao and Duo Duo, think about this family. Although you've lost some mobility after the surgery, you still have so much more to cherish..."
After saying this, Aunt Zhang and I nodded and slowly walked out of the ward. Everything still needed to be decided by my father, the patient himself. After all, if he didn't agree and wouldn't sign the surgery consent form, even with the consent of the rest of our family, the hospital would absolutely not dare to force the surgery, even if it meant watching the patient die.
After leaving the hospital, I called Aunt Zhang and told her to tell my father more about the symptoms of late-stage prostate cancer, and the pain after bone metastasis, to scare him.
That evening, back home, I told Xiaoying about it. When she heard that my father was treatable, Xiaoying visibly relaxed. When I told her that my father needed to have his testicles removed, I closely observed Xiaoying's expression. She only paused slightly, without the disappointment or pain I had imagined. She just seemed happy to hear that my father had hope of recovery. I was quite satisfied with Xiaoying's reaction. Of course, she might have had other thoughts, which I just hadn't noticed.
The next evening, Xiaoying and I made plans. I took the afternoon off and temporarily picked up Hao Hao from my in-laws' place, along with Duo Duo. The four of us rushed to the hospital. When we arrived at the ward, Aunt Zhang sat beside the bed, her face full of worry, while my father lay lifeless on the bed. He seemed to have lost half his life when he learned he had cancer.
"Grandpa..." A grown-up boy's voice, still going through puberty, and a still-childish little girl's voice rang out in the ward. My father, who had been closing his eyes, opened them instantly upon hearing the children's voices. He turned his head and saw the two children he most wanted to see: a grandson and a granddaughter.
When Duo Duo was born, my father was overjoyed and proud, boasting to everyone about his happiness, his many children and grandchildren. But the moment he saw Hao Hao and Duo Duo, all his worries seemed to vanish. His previous negativity disappeared instantly, and he got up from the bed to be with the two children. Dodo sat in his father's lap like a koala, while Haohao, now grown up, couldn't be held as easily as when he was little. Haohao peeled an apple for his father with a knife. The father looked at Dodo, then at Haohao, his eyes filled with unspoken doting affection.
Aunt Zhang and I exchanged a glance and smiled simultaneously. Last night, Aunt Zhang and I had discussed how to persuade the father. A person determined to die is most afraid of having ties and attachments. Once he has these attachments and things he can't bear to leave behind, his resolve to die will waver. And the father's attachments in his later years were nothing more than Aunt Zhang and his grandchildren. For the next few days, I decided to have Haohao and Dodo come to keep the father company every night until he agreed to the surgery.
"I agree to the surgery, anytime..."
Three days later, as I was preparing to leave the ward with Haohao and Dodo, the father suddenly said these words behind me. Hearing this, Aunt Zhang smiled through her tears, and I felt a sense of relief and nodded gently.
The next day, I told the doctor the results and paid all the surgical fees. The countdown to the surgery began, and my father started preparing for it, including his diet and medications. The surgery was scheduled for the following day. Every surgery, big or small, carries some risk, especially cancer surgery.
Three days later, our family waited outside the operating room, watching the lights. Aunt Zhang sat in a chair, and Xiaoying and I sat together. It would be a lie to say I wasn't nervous. My hands were clenched tightly, and Xiaoying beside me held my hand tightly. I glanced at Xiaoying; her gaze, like Aunt Zhang's, was fixed on the operating room lights. The moment the lights changed, the surgery would be over.
I looked at the closed operating room doors, imagining the procedure underway, my father's testicles perhaps being removed, or perhaps already removed. At that moment, memories of my father and Xiaoying making love flashed through my mind. I had initially worried that they might rekindle their romance, so I was constantly on edge. Although they had remained faithful for the past five years, I hadn't been able to completely relax; the fact that the home security cameras were still there proved it. My father's
22-centimeter penis, his enduring sexual prowess, and his enormous ejaculation volume—his proud sexual function—had come to a perfect end with this surgery.
After the removal of his testicles, my father would never again achieve an erection or produce semen, forever losing the symbol and foundation of manhood. After the surgery, the home security cameras could be removed, and I could finally put my mind at ease about my father and Xiaoying.
"Ding..." A crisp sound snapped us back to reality. The operating room lights had changed, and we all instantly rose from our chairs, waiting for the doctor to come out and announce the results. As the doctor came out, the three of us felt our hearts clench with anxiety. I dreaded hearing the doctor say, "I'm sorry, we did our best."
"The surgery went smoothly; everything depends on the follow-up treatment and recuperation..." Hearing the doctor's words, we breathed a sigh of relief. A moment later, the doctor wheeled out my father, who was still unconscious. I followed the attending physician to discuss the details of his recovery. Xiaoying helped Aunt Zhang take care of my father, as he was expected to wake up soon.
About half an hour later, my father woke up. He didn't speak, only tears streamed down his face. The regret and sorrow in his eyes were obvious to everyone. I think my father must have been filled with deep remorse. The anesthesia was wearing off, and he must have felt the pain in his lower body. Having lost his most precious thing as a man, it would take him a long time to adjust emotionally and adapt to his current physical condition.
In the days that followed, Xiaoying and I took Duoduo to the hospital to see my father every day. When Haohao had time, we would also bring him home, letting the warmth and presence of family help awaken my father and allow his spirits to slowly recover. Under Aunt Zhang's meticulous care, my father recovered very well, except for his mood. Seeing Aunt Zhang and my father, I decided that after he was discharged from the hospital, we would take the whole family on a trip. During his illness, everyone in the family had been too tense, and this would be a good opportunity for everyone to relax.
According to the doctor, although my father had his testicles removed and underwent castration surgery, there was still a possibility of relapse. My father would need to go to the hospital for checkups for the rest of his life and take medication. It could be said that in the future, my father would not only not be able to become a complete man, but he would also lose his health, becoming what we in Northeast China call a "medicine pot." Only
after my father was discharged from the hospital did I truly feel relieved. Because my attention was mostly focused on my father during this time, I hadn't paid much attention to Xiaoying's condition. Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of her, and I carefully recalled Xiaoying's attitude during this period. After all, the only rift between Xiaoying and me in the past five years had been her attitude towards my father.
Recalling the pain, guilt, regret, sadness, and fear that followed her father's illness, and finally the joy and relief he felt after his recovery, I don't know why. Logically, seeing Xiaoying's happiness for her father's recovery should have made me a little jealous, but this time, I felt nothing but joy. Perhaps it's because my father is no longer a man; is it even necessary for me to be jealous of him now? I had time, and I watched the surveillance footage from that period, essentially for the last time. After watching it, I plan to remove the surveillance equipment. Without my father's presence, the equipment has lost all meaning. However, after watching the footage, I noticed a detail: after learning of her father's cancer diagnosis, Xiaoying actually wrote a blog post online. Seeing this, I think it must have recorded Xiaoying's current attitude towards her father, revealing her inner thoughts. In the past, I would have cared deeply about and eagerly awaited reading this post, but now, my expectations have diminished. It's all because everyone has changed, and the biggest change is in my father.
I glanced at Xiaoying, fast asleep on the bed. Bound by guilt, she probably hadn't slept this soundly in a long time. Then I gently clicked on the webpage, logged into the forum Xiaoying frequented, and logged into the now-meaningless account "Pink Lily"...
Chapter 183
Opening Xiaoying's forum account interface, I directly clicked on the pinned newly written diary entry. With a calm yet slightly curious heart, I began to read: "Fear, I am experiencing unprecedented fear. Since becoming a Buddhist, I have believed in karma. The Buddhists often say: karma is a cycle, retribution is inevitable. But everything came so violently, so suddenly. Since that abortion five years ago, I have been plagued by nightmares and tormented by guilt. You see, before, I wouldn't even step on an ant, yet I killed my own child, a fetus that was just beginning to form. When I went to the hospital and killed him (or her) with my own hands, I knew that the rest of my life would be spent on repentance and atonement, and the condemnation of my conscience. But heaven seems to think that all this is not enough; my father-in-law also fell ill, and he has cancer, a very serious illness. When my father-in
-law was first hospitalized, I began to worry... " My heart was filled with fear and dread. That night, I didn't sleep a wink. I was terrified, I was worried; all the retribution had come to pass. I couldn't tell my husband, and I felt utterly helpless. When I learned my father-in-law had cancer, the guilt, remorse, and fear in my heart reached an all-time high. This fear and worry were unprecedented. When I heard he had late-stage cancer, I almost fainted, but thankfully my husband caught me at the last moment. Actually, when I learned of my father-in-law's cancer, although I was worried, afraid, and guilty, I wouldn't have reacted so strongly, almost fainting, just because of him. After all, he was primarily family to me. Five years had passed, and everything with him had faded into the dust of memories. Now, all my thoughts are on my husband and children. The reason I was so out of control upon hearing about my father-in-law's cancer was because of the constant worry and fear in my heart. Things may be about to come true.
My biggest worry right now is for my husband and children. My father-in-law and I did wrong, and we're both being punished. Ever since my husband's occasional emotional outburst five years ago, which made me realize that heaven was also punishing him, I've worried that future karmic retribution would fall on him. What would I do if something happened to him too? After five years of reflection, I've forgotten my original feelings; what I feel most is pain and remorse. I hate myself for being so easily tempted and committing such a shameful act with my father-in-law. Learning from my father-in-law's example, after his situation is resolved, I'll have my husband checked out. His health wasn't good to begin with, and he's overworked for the family; although he's young, his health has deteriorated. Everything has its consequences; I just pray that heaven and Buddha won't torment my husband and children. They are innocent. I'm willing to endure any more suffering. Doing good deeds, observing vegetarianism and chanting Buddhist prayers, using the rest of her life to atone for her sins and pray for her family. "
The diary is quite short; I finished reading it in less than two minutes. After reading it, many of my doubts were resolved, and I felt much more at ease. These past two days, recalling Xiaoying's reaction after hearing about her father's cancer diagnosis, I felt strange and slightly jealous. Five years have passed; does Xiaoying still have feelings for her father? That was my thought at the time. After reading the diary, I realized that while Xiaoying certainly worried about her father, she was even more afraid of the karmic consequences coming true, and worried about me and her son and daughter. Her biggest fears were coming true one by one, slowly pushing her fear to its peak.
I remembered what the fortune teller said: everything would go smoothly, things would eventually pass. Now, Xiaoying is observing vegetarianism and chanting Buddhist prayers every day, and her father, after prostate cancer surgery, has become a modern-day 'eunuch.' Is this what 'going smoothly' means? Has Xiaoying repaid the debt of gratitude she owed her father in a past life? Was everything worthwhile?" If we look at it from another perspective, perhaps it was all worthwhile for my father. As a poor farmer from the countryside, he unexpectedly found himself with the body of Xiaoying, a young and beautiful school beauty, in his later years. For him, it might be considered a case of "dying under a peony, even as a ghost, is still romantic." Moreover, my father didn't actually become a ghost. He only lost a part of his body, the symbol of his manhood. Even if my father hadn't had his testicles removed, how long could he have maintained his sexual ability given his age? Even without Xiaoying, he had Aunt Zhang, who was still charming and hardworking, simple, and good-looking. My father would have found happiness in his later years.
Xiaoying, on the other hand, experienced the greatest physical pleasure and sexual satisfaction she had never felt since reaching sexual maturity, something I could never give her. In her youth, she received the attention and infatuation of two men simultaneously. One person's love shouldn't be divided between two, but Xiaoying did.
And the most tragic person is probably me. So much time has passed; my father and Xiaoying both got what they wanted, but what have I gotten? Life remained the same as before, my body grew increasingly weary, and work became increasingly hectic. Even though I had recovered, the stress meant I rarely had time to be intimate with Xiaoying.
My father's serious illness not only damaged his health but also cost him hundreds of thousands of yuan—a disaster and financial ruin. And my wife, from that time on, was no longer mine alone; she had been used by another man countless times. Her body was no longer clean, pure, or exclusively mine.
The only thing that brought me comfort and solace was that I had Duoduo, a lovely daughter, and with Haohao, I had a large family. I shut down the computer, lay in bed, and looked at the moonlight outside. Time had changed, but the scenery remained the same. Thinking about the contents of Xiaoying's diary, about what she called the cycle of cause and effect, I realized that neither Xiaoying nor my father knew that everything was my doing; I was the true instigator. If there truly is retribution, then perhaps I should bear the brunt of it all? I'm not a cowardly person, but I have family and loved ones to care for. Because of them, I feel a slight fear of karma and retribution. After all, I'm very content and cherish my current life. I decided to go to the hospital tomorrow for a full checkup, just in case I have any illnesses, so I can know and treat them in advance. For minor ailments, I'll take medication promptly; health is the foundation of everything. Besides, I'm a little worried that my mother and father might both have cancer.
The next day, after work, I called my supervisor and went straight to the hospital.
Through years of hard work, my position has risen higher and higher, my power has increased, and of course, my salary has also increased. Now I can make many decisions on my own, with fewer constraints.
After arriving at the hospital, I paid the fees and began the series of tests. I didn't tell Xiaoying; I wanted to do it myself so that if it wasn't a serious illness, I wouldn't have to tell her. She might still be quite fearful and not in a good mood lately, and I didn't want her to worry. First, they checked my upper body—heart, liver, spleen, lungs, and kidneys. The results showed I had fatty liver, probably related to my frequent consumption of meat and alcohol, but it wasn't a serious illness. However, I also developed kidney stones in both kidneys. They were still small and not causing pain, but the largest stones were already 0.8 and 1.2 cm. These stones couldn't be expelled, so I had extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy ( ESWL) performed directly in the department to remove them, eliminating any future risks. I instantly felt much better, both physically and mentally.
Afterward, I went to the urology department to have my lower body checked, including an ultrasound and urinalysis. I couldn't understand the test results, so I went to the urologist. The doctor took the results and gave me a strange look.
"Have you been experiencing testicular pain lately? Do you feel any pain on either side of your lower abdomen?" The doctor asked cautiously, holding the ultrasound report.
"No, I don't feel any pain in my testicles or lower abdomen. What's wrong? Doctor, is there something seriously wrong?" Seeing the doctor's expression, and with the same worry I felt when I came to the hospital, my heart clenched. Could I be like my father? If I got it too, and then have it removed… I couldn't bear the thought. Sweat instantly streamed down my forehead.
"There's nothing seriously wrong, don't worry. I have a personal question, though it involves privacy, it's related to your condition, so I hope you can answer it."
His attitude was very good, and he spoke softly and slowly, but the slow, unclear speech made me even more anxious, and I felt an urge to explode.
"Ask away, ask anything…" Although anxious, I answered calmly.
"Are you married? Do you have children?" the doctor asked.
"I'm married, with a son and a daughter, one ten years old and the other four." Anxious to know my condition, I blurted out all the information at once.
"Oh, you have a common male disease. It's not exactly serious, but it can cause significant harm and is quite sensitive..."
The doctor, holding the prescription, launched into a long explanation, using medical jargon I didn't understand at all. I wondered if this doctor was a reincarnation of Tang Sanzang, rambling on and on.
"What disease do I have?" I couldn't contain my anxiety any longer and interrupted the doctor.
"Varicocele." Perhaps sensing my impatience, the doctor answered crisply this time, uttering six words directly and briefly.
"Varicocele?" My brow furrowed. Why did that name sound so familiar? I rubbed my brow, trying to recall... Perhaps the doctor assumed I understood the diagnosis, because after stating the name, he remained silent, simply smiling and calmly looking at me, as if giving me time to process and accept the information. My mind has been so foggy lately that I can't recall everything right now.
The entire urology ward fell silent. The doctor sat there looking at me, and I sat opposite him, my fingers propping up my brow as I pondered. I tried desperately to search my memory, and finally, it dawned on me—a bomb seemed to explode inside my brain…
Chapter 184.
After thinking for a while, I finally remembered. A close friend of mine had this very illness. After getting married, he and his wife couldn't have children for many years. Finally, they went to the hospital for tests. The results showed the woman was fine; the problem was with my friend. He had varicocele and was cured after surgery at a men's health clinic.
Varicocele is a common male urogenital disease and a major cause of male infertility. Varicocele is most common in young adults, with an incidence rate of 10%-15% in the normal male population, and accounts for 19%-41% of male infertility.
It is a vascular disorder of spermatogenesis caused by the dilation of the spermatic veins and pampiniform plexus surrounding the spermatic cord. It is more common on the left side, but can also occur bilaterally or unilaterally on the right. Traditional surgery involves an inguinal incision, high-level transecting of the internal spermatic vein, and removal of some of the dilated veins within the scrotum.
"Are you sure, doctor? How did I get this disease?" After the information about this disease flashed through my mind, I still asked the reason. Although I knew what the disease was, I really didn't know the cause.
"I'm a professional doctor, how could I be wrong? It is indeed varicocele. As for the causes, there are many, but they are nothing more than unhealthy habits that men often have in life, such as: prolonged standing, prolonged sitting, high mental stress, and excessive strenuous exercise, which can cause damage to the male perineum, thus leading to varicocele," the doctor answered professionally. I basically had all the symptoms the doctor mentioned.
"Am I infertile now?" I asked the question that was on my mind most. For some reason, I felt a little guilty, unsure of what I was worried about, or perhaps I simply didn't dare to consider the possibility.
"You have varicocele, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're infertile, though there's a high possibility. My advice is that since you already have a child, you don't need treatment. It's unnecessary. Besides affecting fertility, it won't have any other impact. You can have surgery later if you experience any pain or discomfort. If you don't have financial problems, you can get a semen analysis to find out if you're infertile."
The doctor, perhaps used to this condition, showed no abnormality or discrimination. Hearing the doctor's words, I fell silent. Should I get a semen analysis? Because of some underlying anxieties, I decided to get it done anyway; otherwise, I feared I would live with doubt for the rest of my life.
"Please do it for me. Money isn't an issue." After thinking for a while, I decided to thoroughly examine my body. If I really was infertile, I would need to find many answers and confirm many things.
"Okay, I'll put out the order for you." The doctor took my medical card and then entered my examination details into the computer.
A moment later, a nurse gave me a semen collection container and told me to follow her to the collection room. On the way, I couldn't help but let my imagination run wild. I remembered watching porn and reading rumors online that nurses wearing gloves help with masturbation to collect semen. I wondered if it was true. Before, I would scoff at such information, thinking it impossible. But seeing the nurse leading the way, I couldn't help but let my mind wander.
"Go in, call me when you're done at the nurses' station." The nurse led me to the collection room, handed me a pair of gloves, stopped, gave me a few instructions, and then turned and left. Ugh, she was just a guide.
Inside the collection room, I saw many erotic pictures on the walls, a washbasin, and nothing else; the space was very small. After taking off my pants, I started masturbating.
Normally, abstinence is required before collecting semen. I've been abstaining for a long time now. During this period, because of my father's illness, I haven't had time to be intimate with Xiaoying, and it seems I've forgotten about desire. I looked at the sexy pictures on the wall while stroking my penis with sterile gloves on, but perhaps the pictures were too conservative, and I still couldn't ejaculate after shaking it for a long time.
I checked the time; about eight minutes had passed. Previously, masturbation usually lasted only five minutes at most, probably because I was too nervous. At that moment, a bold idea struck me. Since my father and Xiaoying broke off their relationship, I hadn't masturbated while imagining my father and Xiaoying having sex. The reason was the last night on the desert island, which brought me deep hurt and fear, especially the image of Xiaoying in a wedding dress having sex with my father—I couldn't bear to recall it. Now that so much time had passed, the aversion should have disappeared.
I decided to try it. Images of my father and Xiaoying's lovemaking began to replay in my mind, starting from their first sexual encounter. I closed my eyes and recalled their intercourse while masturbating. For some reason, I suddenly felt very stimulated; my penis instantly felt itchy and tingly. In less than a minute, I ejaculated, and a lot of it. Looking down at the semen in the container, I couldn't help but smile bitterly. I thought my cuckoldry fantasies were long gone, but it still gave me immense stimulation. My father had lost his sexual function; everything was over.
I looked down at the semen in the container. The color and viscosity were no different from normal semen. Of course, compared to my father's semen, there was a difference. After all, I couldn't compare to his ejaculation volume, the whiteness, or the viscosity. My father could no longer produce semen; his testicles had been completely removed.
"Will you have any problems?" I murmured, looking down at my semen, as if asking the semen, as if asking myself, and as if asking my son Hao Hao and daughter Duo Duo.
The semen needed to be examined as soon as possible to avoid affecting its quality. I took off my gloves, covered the container, and quickly took the semen to the nurse. The urology nurse was already used to this; she casually took the semen to the lab, while I felt a little embarrassed.
The pressure therapy equipment these days is very advanced. I waited at the machine for the examination report, and half an hour later, I swiped my medical card on the machine, and my semen analysis report came out. I took the report back to the doctor's office, handed it to the doctor, and waited for the doctor to announce the results. Although it was just a semen analysis, for some reason, the level of tension I felt at this moment was comparable to when I waited for the results of my father's cancer test.
"Your semen does have a problem. The sperm motility is low, and the quantity is insufficient for a woman to conceive." The doctor looked at me sympathetically, and then read out the information I least wanted to hear. After hearing the doctor say this, my hands clenched tightly, and my body began to tremble.
"How long have I had this disease? Can you tell?" My voice had become hoarse. If I had this disease within the last three years, then everything would be fine. If I had this disease four years ago, then Duoduo wouldn't be my biological daughter. If I had this disease ten years ago, then Haohao and Duoduo wouldn't be my biological children. I didn't dare to think any further.
"Don't be nervous. It's impossible to determine exactly when this disease started. It could have happened within the last year, or it could have been there for a long time. So don't be anxious or overthink it." The doctor saw my expression and knew what I was worried about. After all, I had told him I had a son and a daughter, so he was bound to have some thoughts.
"If you have any concerns, of course, you can pretend I didn't say anything. I'm just giving you advice. Don't get angry, although it might be a bit inappropriate to say this now. If possible, get a paternity test done. That will put your mind at ease. Otherwise, suppressing your feelings won't be good for your condition or your health. This is just my suggestion, and it's also the suggestion for all patients with infertility who have children." The doctor spoke carefully. After all, male patients with this disease are generally not in a good mood, and doctors usually wouldn't say these things if the patient became too agitated.
"Thank you, doctor. Do I need treatment?" I took a deep breath and asked the doctor.
"If you still want children, you can get treatment. It's a minor surgery, not very expensive or invasive. If you don't want children anymore, there's no need for treatment, and it won't affect your sex life." The doctor gave me the test results.
"Thank you, doctor. If I need treatment, I'll come directly to your department."
I walked out of the hospital, holding the results in my hand, my fear reaching its peak. When did I get this disease? Are Hao Hao and Duo Duo my biological children? I'm not too worried about Hao Hao, because when he was born, everyone who saw him said he looked exactly like me, not his mother. He looks most like his father. But I'm not so sure about Duo Duo. After all, she's still young, and she looks like Xiao Ying. I really can't tell from her appearance.
After leaving the hospital, I went straight back to work. On the way, I initially considered tearing up all the medical reports, but after thinking about it, I decided to bring them back to the office and lock them in the safe along with other important company documents. No matter what, Xiaoying and anyone else couldn't see these reports; after all, everything was still unknown, and I wanted to avoid unnecessary trouble.
Back home, I lay in bed watching Xiaoying teach Duoduo her homework, and then teach her to dance. Xiaoying's dancing was professional-level, so Duoduo had a free, inexpensive dance teacher.
Lying in bed, I couldn't concentrate on my phone; my mind was a jumbled mess. Although I knew the probability of Haohao and Duoduo not being my biological children was extremely low, I couldn't help feeling worried. Since the last night on the desert island, I had been constantly monitoring my father and Xiaoying to make sure they hadn't had sex again. But after all, it had been five years, over 1800 days and nights; I couldn't possibly monitor them every single moment. Had I missed something?
It was very possible.
Listening to the music in the living room and the sweet, childlike laughter of Duoduo during Xiaoying's dance lessons, my heart was filled with conflict and hesitation. What should I do? Should I secretly get a paternity test done without telling Xiaoying or anyone else? If Haohao and Duoduo are my biological children, it's all a false alarm. But what if they aren't? What should I do?
Can I bear this blow? Should I pretend to be confused and live a muddled life, or should I muster the courage to search
and confirm the truth?
Chapter 185
In the following days, I worked frantically, but the illness and the paternity test seemed like a curse, lingering in my ears, impossible to shake off. Gradually, I became tormented, unable to sleep or eat, my energy declining day by day. I also looked much more haggard, making Xiaoying think I was sick and worrying about me for a long time. After much thought, I decided to secretly get a paternity test done. If this continued, my suspicious nature would drive me crazy in no time.
Because paternity testing isn't something to be proud of, I had to keep it a secret from everyone, absolutely not letting a single acquaintance know. Otherwise, how could I explain it? If relatives and friends found out, the gossip and suspicion behind my back would be unbearable. During my breaks at work and at night, I researched numerous paternity testing agencies online. There are many medical testing agencies of all sizes throughout the province, as well as many touts and brokers, with prices varying widely.
Price wasn't my concern; my main concern was authenticity, accuracy, and responsibility. The only agency that could meet my needs was the judicial system. The judicial system is authoritative, without a doubt, but its price is much higher compared to other authoritative medical testing agencies. This authoritative judicial testing agency is the Provincial Public Security Bureau.
After researching online, I found two options: personal paternity testing, where you bring your own samples for testing, but the result is accurate yet lacks legal effect, and it's cheaper. The other option is judicial testing, where the result has legal effect and responsibility, but all parties involved must be present with valid identification to collect samples, and it's much more expensive.
After understanding all the basics of paternity testing, I started thinking, but not for long. It was an easy choice; I couldn't just take my family's household registration book, my father's ID, and Hao Hao and Duo Duo's ID and drive straight to the police station for a paternity test. Leaving aside my family's attitude, what if it turned out to be a false alarm? How would I explain it to my family, especially my father? So I chose personal testing. Modern medical technology is very advanced; paternity testing only requires parts of the body containing cells, such as saliva, blood, semen, hair, etc. This was a piece of cake for me. After deciding, I began the process, starting with collecting samples.
While my father and Aunt Zhang were home, I collected my father's DNA sample from cigarette butts he had smoked, which contained his saliva and oral mucosa – that was enough. As for Hao Hao and Duo Duo, although they are young, they can already talk, so I couldn't be too blatant, lest the children, with their big mouths, tell the family. Collecting samples from the children was easy; beverage bottles and milk bottles would do. To be absolutely sure, I also tried to collect their hair – the more samples the better. After collecting all the samples, I differentiated them and then quickly went to the Provincial Public Security Bureau during a break from work.
Perhaps out of guilt, since this wasn't exactly something to be proud of, I bought a hat and mask before entering the Provincial Public Security Bureau. Then, I took the samples to the relevant department, submitted them, and told the staff the results I wanted.
The samples were divided into four parts: the father's, mine, Hao Hao's, and Duo Duo's. The requirement and result were to determine the relationship between Duo Duo and Hao Hao and me, and if one of them was not my child, whether I shared the same father as that child. With current technology, it's impossible to determine half-siblings, so we had to rely on the father's DNA for comparison.
After explaining this complicated relationship, I had to pay several more fees, totaling over 10,000 yuan, but for me now, it's insignificant. After completing the formalities, the relevant legal personnel told me that the results would be available in 5-7 days and to go home and wait for a phone call.
Back at the company, I sat in my office for a long time without moving or saying a word. Finally, the paternity test was done, and I felt a little relieved, but I was even more worried about the day the results came out. What if Hao Hao and Duo Duo really weren't my biological children? What should I do? Divorce? Go to court? I recalled countless similar stories and news reports I'd heard, but could something like this, something I'd only ever seen in the news, really happen to me? For some reason, I've been living in constant fear, worry, and dread these past few days.
I had exactly five days, and I decided to use them to review all the security camera footage at home, dividing the five years into five days, completing one year's worth each day. After making this decision, I became obsessed. Every night, after Xiaoying fell asleep, and during my breaks at work the next day, I would find something new to do: replay the security footage.
I set a one-year replay limit for each day, persisting even when I was about to vomit from watching so much.
This tense mental state and the intense all-nighters made me look increasingly haggard. Xiaoying insisted on taking me to the hospital for a checkup, and my father and Aunt Zhang also came to see me. I simply told them I was under too much work pressure and brushed them off.
Five days have passed, and I've finished reviewing the surveillance footage. I've reviewed over 1800 days of footage, but I haven't found a single abnormality, not even a trace of Xiaoying and her father's renewed infidelity. For some reason, despite five days of hard work, finding nothing hasn't disappointed me; instead, I feel a great sense of relief.
Perhaps I'm just overthinking things. When Xiaoying and her father are at home, they're generally very respectful to each other. The only difference is the awkwardness, embarrassment, and reminiscence in their eyes when they look at each other—a mix of emotions bursting forth in the instant their gazes meet.
Finding nothing has given me more confidence in the final result. Perhaps it was all a false alarm. My infertility was diagnosed after Duoduo's birth, and the result in two days will simply be another outcome. Suddenly relaxed, I sat in my office, took out a cigarette, and took a deep drag, relieving the physical and mental fatigue of the past few days. It felt as if every pore and cell in my body opened up at that moment, exhaling the stale air.
Some might say that even if nothing happened at home, Xiaoying and her father could still do it on the island or outside. That's true to some extent. When I reviewed the surveillance footage, I carefully checked Xiaoying's daily get off work hours. Except for special circumstances, she almost always came home on time. Even on the days she came home late, I secretly checked and found nothing unusual. As for the island, that was even less likely. After Xiaoying and her father's last night on the island, I accompanied her every time she visited her father and Aunt Zhang. Even when she occasionally stayed overnight, I stayed with her, pretending to be asleep and secretly observing, afraid that if I fell asleep, they would secretly get up and go outside for sex, and with Aunt Zhang there too, they had no chance. During that time, I practically became a private detective; my mental state and sensitivity increased dramatically.
As for the time when Xiaoying was pregnant with Duoduo, I've thought about it carefully, considering any other unusual circumstances or possibilities. If it really was during that period that Xiaoying became pregnant with my father's child, then there's only one possibility: it was during my father's birthday celebration. Aunt Zhang was the only one absent that time, but thinking back, it's practically impossible.
Since we've brought it up, let's talk about it. It was over three years ago. My father's birthday that year was quite special. Around the time of my father's birthday, Aunt Zhang and her daughter had to go back to their hometown for a celebration, so they stayed in the rural countryside for a long time. Therefore, that year, only Xiaoying, Hao Hao, and I accompanied my father on his birthday.
It was just the four of us. Although Aunt Zhang wasn't there, my father still seemed very happy. In his words, it was most meaningful to celebrate his birthday with just the four of us. That night, my father and I drank a lot of wine, and even Xiaoying had a few glasses of red wine. When Xiaoying was cleaning up the room, her steps were unsteady and light; she had drunk too much.
That night, since we all drank quite a bit except for Hao Hao, and the wind was too strong to sail, the three of us slept at my father's place. My father had two bedrooms; one for him and one for us. However, because I was still quite nervous, I didn't dare fall asleep too early that night, fearing that the opportunity was too precious and that Xiao Ying and my father would go out for sex again. After all, this was the first time we'd slept here since my father's marriage, and Aunt Zhang wasn't around. If they still had feelings for each other, tonight was the perfect opportunity.
We slept together for a long time, and everything was very quiet. I endured until midnight, when Xiao Ying groggily got up and gently nudged me, asking me to go to the bathroom with her. Although the bathroom on my father's island had been repaired, it was a makeshift rural toilet—just a hole dug in the grass with some covering around it. It was the middle of the night, and Xiaoying didn't dare to go alone. I was also quite drunk at the time, so after groaning a few times, I pretended to be asleep. When you're drunk, you really become too lazy.
Finally, Xiaoying had no choice. Emboldened by the wine, she staggered out of the bedroom to use the restroom. After she left, I immediately checked the time. Since the three of us were staying at my father's house, both bedroom doors were tightly closed, so I couldn't hear or see anything. I had to keep track of the time. After Xiaoying left, I opened my eyes and picked up my phone to keep track of the time.
About three minutes after Xiaoying left, I heard the sound of my father's bedroom door opening. My heart skipped a beat. Had my father gone to the restroom? If he went to the restroom while Xiaoying was still using it, would they bump into each other? My heart clenched the moment the door opened. My father's house had a traditional wooden door, sealed tightly for winter, providing excellent soundproofing. I could only hear the door opening and closing; I couldn't hear any footsteps or other sounds.
What should I do? Time ticked by, and just as Xiaoying had been gone for thirteen minutes, ten minutes after the side door to her father's bedroom opened, she finally returned. The moment I heard the bedroom door open, I immediately closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Xiaoying quietly got into bed and then lay down beside me. I carefully considered the situation. Even if Xiaoying had indeed encountered her father, nothing had likely happened between them. After all, Xiaoying had only been gone for thirteen minutes. Subtracting the time spent relieving herself and walking, they had no time for intercourse. Even if they had, there would have been time for verbal communication, struggle, and deliberation, not to mention her father's powerful stamina. No matter how you looked at it, the time wouldn't have been enough.
Having recalled all this, I've ruled out the only most likely and promising night. Having thought it through, I feel more at ease, and I'm not so excited about the upcoming decision anymore…
Chapter 186
Two days passed quickly. Today is my father's annual birthday, and this year's birthday is special. It's his first birthday since recovering from a serious illness, a kind of rebirth. In previous years, Xiaoying and I would take Duoduo and Haohao to the island to celebrate with my father. But this year, we wanted him and Aunt Zhang to come back to the city for the birthday celebration. The city has better facilities, and my father and Aunt Zhang haven't been back for a long time since their illness. This opportunity to stay a few more days at home will also allow my father to adjust his mood. After all, he's been depressed since his testicular removal surgery; it would be difficult for any other man to accept that.
Today was a special day, a rare family gathering. As the leader, I took a shortcut, essentially letting myself off the hook. I delegated some work to my subordinates in the morning, and after lunch, I planned to go straight home. I spent the afternoon at home. My father and Aunt Zhang wouldn't arrive until the evening, so they prepared everything and brought the ingredients with them. Xiaoying and Aunt Zhang were in charge of cooking. Xiaoying was quite busy with work and couldn't take time off today, so I had to wait for her to finish work at 4 PM, pick up Duoduo at the kindergarten, and then go home.
Basically, I was home alone all afternoon, which allowed me to sleep in. I'd been under a lot of stress lately, suffering from insomnia. But I've finally come to terms with things, and the video monitoring has verified it, so I feel much better.
Today was also the day the paternity test results were due. Sitting in the car, I wondered if it was necessary to go get the results. Honestly, I really didn't feel the need to see them. I had confidence in my intuition and the tests I'd done over the past few days. But after thinking it over, I decided to retrieve it. After all, it cost over ten thousand yuan, and the results were out. It wouldn't be right to leave them safe. With a sigh, I drove to the Public Security Bureau. Before going in, I put on a hat and mask and retrieved the results, sealed in a file folder. The folder was tightly sealed, with an official stamp on the seal. After getting in the car, I tossed the folder onto the passenger seat and drove home. When I arrived, the house was empty, just as I expected. Holding the folder, I looked at everything familiar and smelled the familiar scents. I placed the folder on the
computer desk next to my bed, then collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep immediately.
I was exhausted these past few days, and soon I was fast asleep. In my dream, I saw a scene: on a small island surrounded by green grass, a gentle breeze blew, and the grass and leaves swayed in the wind. I felt like a wandering ghost, drifting slowly in the wind, vaguely appreciating the beauty of the island. After drifting for a while, I saw a familiar scene: a house. But why did everything on the island, and this house, feel so familiar? In my dream, I tried to recall carefully—wasn't this my father's house? The reaction in a dream is so slow.
In the dream, it was already midnight. I looked through a glass window into the bedroom. At this moment, I seemed to have X-ray vision. I saw a person lying on the bed. Why did their face look so familiar? Looking closer, I realized it was myself! What was this scene? Why was I the only one sleeping in my father's second bedroom? I didn't remember this scene.
Then my gaze returned from the second bedroom, and my body drifted to the glass of my father's master bedroom. My eyes peered through, and what I saw stunned me. A beautiful woman, wearing only a bra on top and naked from the waist down, straddled a man. The man lay there limply, seemingly fast asleep, his face flushed, whether from lust or drunkenness, it was unclear. He was dressed in pajamas, his clothes intact, the upper body fully clothed, only the pajama bottoms and underwear pulled down to his knees. His thick, dark pubic hair-covered penis was erect, thrusting in and out of the woman's vagina, their bodies visibly wet with vaginal fluid. The woman on top of him bit her lower lip, her face flushed, moaning with her eyes closed. Her underwear was tossed aside, and a jacket lay on top of her. The woman actively
straddled the man, moving up and down, the soft sounds of their bodies colliding creating a standard woman-on-top position, and the woman was the one initiating it. Why did this scene feel so familiar? Those clothes, including those of men and women, my sluggish mind in the dream kept trying to discern the faces of the women and men. Wait, I see it clearly now! Isn't that naked woman riding on a man, her body heaving, my beloved wife Xiaoying? And the man beneath her, isn't that my father? What's going on? Can anyone tell me what's happening?
On this familiar island, in my father's bedroom, Xiaoying and my father are having sex in a woman-on-top position, and I, as her husband, am sleeping like a log in the second bedroom, completely unaware. Why don't I know about this scene? Is it all an illusion, or did it really happen?
"No..." Unable to bear watching any longer outside my father's window, I couldn't help but roar. Seeing their sex and then leaving me in the bedroom next door, I was furious. But after I roared, it seemed they didn't hear me at all, continuing their passionate mating. I shouted and pounded on the window and glass, but it was all in vain.
My thoughts slowly began to clear, and as consciousness returned, before I opened my eyes, I heard myself shouting, "No, stop! No, stop! No, stop!" At the same time, I felt my hands pounding on the bed beneath me, making a "bang, bang" sound.
My eyes snapped open, and I sat bolt upright, drenched in sweat. My fists were clenched tightly, pressing heavily against the bed. I had no idea how long I'd been screaming in my sleep, or perhaps it was just from the excessive sweating, but now my mouth was parched. My consciousness slowly returned. Looking at the familiar bedroom and the time on the wall, I slowly came to my senses. "Phew..." I let out a heavy sigh. It was just a dream. Looking at the time, I realized I'd slept for over two hours in the middle of the day, and it was almost 3 PM.
I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand and slowly got out of bed. This dream had truly terrified me, leaving me feeling so tense and weak. I went to the kitchen and drank two full glasses of water. Then, still groggy, I returned to the bedroom and sat down at the computer chair. Since waking up, my heart had been pounding loudly and rapidly. The scenes in the dream felt so real, as if they had actually happened. I don't know why, but after having this dream, my relaxed mood was replaced by tension and suspicion again.
"All dreams are illusions; what you think about during the day, you dream about at night.
It's just that I've been too stressed lately. Besides, the content of dreams is the opposite of reality, so there's no need to worry too much." I remember telling my friends and colleagues this before when they had nightmares, but now that nightmare has happened to me, I find that this sentence doesn't seem to calm me down. After all, the dream felt so real, and it seemed somewhat familiar, so I couldn't help but pay attention to it.
Wait, wasn't this the night of my father's birthday more than three years ago? In the dream, it was the season on an island, and it was just the three of us. Aunt Zhang wasn't home because she was back in her hometown. And the clothes I was wearing in the dream, and Xiaoying's familiar coat—they were all clothes we wore on my father's birthday. If this dream is really fake, the opposite, why are the clothes... Could the clothes be so realistic, without the slightest difference? Was it a warning from heaven?
I shook my head, trying to stop myself from overthinking. That day, it was only a short thirteen minutes, and I was really timing it perfectly. How could it be? If it were Xiaoying and me making love, those thirteen minutes might be barely enough, since I'm a quick finisher compared to my father. But with my father, thirteen minutes? Forget it. After considering all the possibilities, it's absolutely impossible. I'm definitely scaring myself. I tried to convince myself of this, but for some reason, I couldn't calm down.
I checked the time; Xiaoying would be back with Duoduo in a little over an hour. I turned on the computer, then prepared to smoke a cigarette to calm myself down. It was rare for Xiaoying to be away; I could smoke in the master bedroom to relax.
But I also put the cigarette pack away ... It was on the computer desk, next to the file folder. My hand had initially reached for the cigarette pack. But upon seeing the file folder, my hand, as if possessed, inexplicably changed direction and placed itself on top of it.
Before going to sleep, I'd be relatively calm facing a file folder, but after this dream, touching it made me unable to remain composed. I picked up the file folder, took a deep breath, and decided to open it. If the contents weren't unusual, I decided to hide it quickly for later disposal; if Xiaoying saw it, it would be troublesome. My hands trembled
as I opened the file folder, tore off the label with the official seal, and pulled out the report and results. The first result was for Haohao. I glanced at it and smiled; it was just as I expected. So, Hao Hao is my biological son, and I am Hao Hao's father. Of course, Hao Hao and I look so alike, how could he not be my son? The tension I felt after the dream instantly eased.
Putting down Hao Hao's report and results, the second document was Duo Duo's. With the lighthearted feeling from Hao Hao's report, I glanced at Duo Duo's, but after just one glance, I quickly turned to look again. Then, for a third time, I stared intently at Duo Duo's report, unable to look away. I wondered if I was seeing things. What was going on? I couldn't believe the results on the report, nor could I believe any of this. Only the signature of the judicial expert at the end of the report, and the official seal of the Provincial Public Security Bureau, signified the legal effect of this report and the legal responsibilities that should be borne…
Chapter 187
Seeing the results on the report, I was completely lost. My whole body felt numb, trembling, and sweat streamed down my face. My mind felt numb. I felt like an addict, needing drugs to satisfy my craving. But had I taken drugs? I didn't know what to look for, what to do. Then, I remembered the cigarettes. My hands trembled as I picked up the pack, trying to hold them with my fingers. Each cigarette I took out fell to the ground. Finally, after emptying half the pack, I managed to put one in my mouth. With trembling hands , I tried to light it several times, finally succeeding.
I took a deep drag, using all my lung capacity, filling my lungs with smoke. The deep drag instantly relieved the discomfort. I inhaled deeply, taking large, deep drags... I smoked one pill, then another, seemingly endlessly.
The reason I'm like this is because of Duoduo's paternity test report. The report shows that Duoduo and I are not related, meaning Duoduo isn't my daughter. Another report, showing the relationship between me and my father, and Duoduo and my father, indicates that Duoduo and I share the same father. This means Duoduo isn't my biological daughter, but my half-sister. Ha! It's ridiculous. Is all of this true? Why is fate playing such a cruel joke on me?
Is the paternity test report wrong? The forensic expert's signature and the Public Security Bureau's official seal signify its legal effect and the legal responsibility that comes with it. Who would dare write something wrong? It's true, everything is real. Can anyone tell me what happened? What exactly happened
? At that moment, I was only focused on smoking and didn't think about anything, because my brain had short-circuited. The result was completely unexpected: Duoduo was actually Xiaoying and my father's daughter. Did this mean that my father and Xiaoying hadn't broken off their relationship at all over the past five years? Had they been secretly having an affair without me noticing? Had they been secretly going to hotels together? Where could I find the answers?
This result was different from before. This time, I felt betrayal and deception, blatant betrayal and deception. I had accepted everything Xiaoying and my father had done in the past—sex, the wedding… I had accepted it all. But wasn't God's punishment enough for me? Why did He have to take away the daughter I had finally gained, making her someone else's? I was finally wearing this green hat completely.
As time passed, my mind slowly began to clear, and I felt… I slumped limply in the computer chair, like a lump of mud. The ashtray on the desk was piled high with cigarette butts; I'd unknowingly smoked countless cigarettes. How could I possibly find the answer? I threw away the last cigarette butt and then, like a madman, frantically turned on the computer's security camera, replaying the footage repeatedly. But all my efforts were in vain. I'd watched the footage at least three times, finding nothing amiss. Had my father or Xiaoying already discovered the security camera? They acted perfectly normal under the surveillance; were they just putting on an act for me? Were they cooperating, covering up the truth?
Frustrated, I frantically scrolled through the security footage for a few days before closing it. "Thump…" I slammed my fists down on the computer desk, making the monitor shake. At that moment, I felt no pain in my hands. I slammed my hands on the computer desk, and my mind began to replay all the scenes between my father and Xiaoying, from the first time I used a virus plugin to show Xiaoying topics about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, to asking Xiaoying to go to my father's room to find my phone... scene after scene, every single one of them began to roll in my mind, right up to the present.
"Hehe..." I chuckled as I sat in my chair. At first, I thought I was the manipulator, the planner, the decision-maker, the one in power. I secretly reveled in everything unfolding as I imagined. Initially, seeing my father and Xiaoying making love, my beloved wife writhing and yielding beneath my seemingly dull father, was undeniably stimulating. Though tinged with sadness, it also brought a strange sense of satisfaction. But slowly, everything spiraled out of control. Things developed in a direction I didn't want to see, and I could no longer manage it. It ended up like this, with the two even having a daughter, and me, foolishly, raising my half-sister as my own daughter for so many years.
"Fortune telling? Destiny telling? To hell with that!" At that moment, I remembered the words of that fortune teller covered in vitiligo: "Everything will go smoothly from now on, everything will be alright." Heh, why was I so stupid back then? Having a higher education, having studied Marxism-Leninism and Mao Zedong Thought, how could I believe a feudal superstitious swindler? I've learned about fortune-telling scams more than once in school; perhaps even my wife's infidelity was predicted and deduced by that fortune teller? Perhaps it was all just a guess, not a calculation. After all, how could someone make a living as a fortune teller if they couldn't judge people, read between the lines, and use subtle hints? That person suffers from vitiligo; perhaps he's committed too many sins in his swindling, and even heaven doesn't forgive him. Perhaps even his background is fake; maybe his leg wasn't broken by a car accident, but rather because he was forbidden from doing fortune-telling.
At this moment, my mind is replaying these scenes, and my thoughts are becoming increasingly pessimistic. This report has shattered my last glimmer of hope and motivation; I feel my remaining life has no meaning. Even if Duoduo really isn't my daughter, but my father's child, I wouldn't feel this way. What I can't accept is the concealment, betrayal, and deception. I truly never imagined that my beloved Xiaoying would hide such a terrible thing from me. She doesn't love me anymore, she really doesn't. She allowed my father to kiss her and penetrate her, and I tolerated it; she allowed my father to have sex with her doggy style, and I tolerated it; she and my father wore wedding attire and consummated their marriage, and I tolerated that too. But this matter—the concealment, the deception—I will no longer tolerate. When everyone returns, I will confront Xiaoying and my father face-to-face, asking why they did such a thing. Where did my father and Xiaoying place me when they created Duoduo?
I bit my lip. Perhaps if there were a mirror in front of me right now, I could see my bloodshot eyes. Birthdays, family gatherings—I don't care anymore. When they all return, I will confront them face-to-face. Aunt Zhang will understand everything then. Xiaoying and my father won't be able to explain themselves. I will divorce Xiaoying, Aunt Zhang will divorce my father, and I will sever my father-son relationship with him. Xiaoying and my father, as the betrayers, will leave with nothing. The child will be mine, and all the property will be mine. Xiaoying will be labeled a harlot for having an affair with her father-in-law, and her father will be labeled a beastly father-in-law who cheated on his wife. They will be condemned and scorned by all their relatives, friends, and colleagues. They will be unable to survive in this city, forever subjected to gossip and slander. I will be left to raise Hao Hao alone. Xiaoying will take her father and Duoduo to another place; they might get married. No, her father is now a cripple; they cannot live together. I will be completely alone, forced to endure the ridicule of colleagues and friends, becoming the focus of gossip…
These scenes flashed through my mind. Although they might be speculation and imagination, they were rational and certain to happen. Could I truly accept the shattering of my family? Could I truly accept losing Xiaoying, my father, and Duoduo? Could Aunt Zhang and my father, at their age, withstand such turmoil? Could I, a person who values reputation and is relatively successful in society, bear the gossip and slander?
My hands clenched tightly. Sometimes I really hate myself. Why do I have so many worries? Why am I so rational? Every time something happens, my heart always has a bunch of reasons to stop me. Sometimes I really envy those impulsive and irrational people. At least they can vent. They don't bottle things up. Joy is joy, and sorrow is sorrow.
I looked up at the wall behind the computer. There was a wedding photo of Xiaoying and me hanging there. We were so young in the picture. I looked strong and sunny, while Xiaoying was pure and beautiful, with an extraordinary temperament. Her sweet smile made her seem so innocent. But now everything has changed. Xiaoying had sex with other men and even had a child with someone else. Looking at Xiaoying in the wedding photo now, I felt incredibly bitter. I remembered us on campus! All those images flashed before my eyes, and tears finally streamed down my face. Everything I had been suppressing inside finally turned into tears, flowing down my nose and into my mouth—sweet, bitter, and astringent, reflecting the emotions within me.
I slowly stood up, then grabbed the huge fabric wedding photo with both hands. I believed that my emotions at that moment would give me the strength to tear this wedding photo to shreds. I gently stroked it, but the wedding photo seemed to be electrified; the moment my hand touched it, I recoiled like lightning. My once warm home now filled me with such terror.
I looked down at the time on the computer screen. There was still more than half an hour before Xiaoying and her father would return. They would never imagine that such a huge thing had happened at home. Xiaoying and her father would never imagine that I already knew about their secret affair. I stared blankly at the computer desktop, the wallpaper also featuring my wedding photo with Xiaoying, but now it all seemed incredibly hypocritical and glaring to me.
What exactly happened? How did Xiaoying and her father manage to secretly carry out Duoduo's baby-making plan right under my nose? My eyes were naturally fixed on the computer desktop, but as I stared, a light suddenly shone in my mind. That's right, the computer, the log, Xiaoying's log. Because I thought Xiaoying and her father had severed ties after five years, I hadn't looked at Xiaoying's log anymore. When I reviewed the surveillance footage, I saw Xiaoying sitting in front of the computer, but because I needed to see the crucial details, I only glanced at the footage of her using the computer. Xiaoying would definitely write about having a child with her father in her log; after all, she couldn't tell anyone, and could only confide in her through her log online. I read Xiaoying's log when her father was sick last time, but I read it with a nonchalant attitude, and only
looked at the newly pinned post, without paying any attention to check if there were any previous posts I hadn't read.
Thinking about all this, I quickly logged into Xiaoying's forum with trembling hands. I desperately needed answers. How did they conceive? Where, when, and what was Xiaoying's mindset at the time? Soon, I finally logged into Xiaoying's forum. I opened the list of all the logs, and sure enough, below the log Xiaoying wrote a few days ago about her father's surgery, there were two logs written a long time ago that I hadn't read. The writing dates after the log titles showed that one of the logs was over four years ago…
Chapter 188.
The other log was over three years ago. What could these two logs with different dates contain?
Because the logs were arranged from bottom to top by date, the most recent one was at the top, and the earlier ones at the bottom. I had already read the date of the top log. I hadn't read the second and third logs from the top. My brain hadn't fully processed what was going on yet, so I decided to proceed from top to bottom, because my brain was already overwhelmed. I numbly clicked on the second log entry, which was from more than three years ago, and a brief message appeared before my eyes.
"Time flies! In the blink of an eye, I'm a mother of two. I recently welcomed my second daughter, so now I have both a son and a daughter. These past few years, I've been trying to make up for what I've neglected my husband. When I was pregnant with this baby, I prayed to Buddha for a daughter. Although before the second birth, my husband said he'd love either a boy or a girl, I knew from his expression and understanding that he still hoped for a girl. Now, with a girl, my husband's wish has been fulfilled, and I feel much better.
Looking back over the years, I've seen how hard my husband has worked for this family, but the physical burdens and the debts I owe him are things I can never repay in this lifetime. With our daughter, my husband and I have new motivation. We can forget the past and embrace a brighter future, without wasting our old sorrows." New tears.
I just gave birth not long ago, and my body can't take it anymore. I need to rest, so I won't write much more (^_^). Finally, I wish my husband and I a healthy and happy growth for our newborn daughter, Xiao Duoduo, and a happy and fulfilling family life. Amitabha…
This entry is short, and it's clear that Xiaoying wrote it in a happy mood. Looking at the date, I tried hard to recall with my sluggish brain—wasn't this the date when Duoduo was 100 days old?
It seems Xiaoying wrote this after Duoduo's 100-day celebration, once she had recovered. Although the entry is short, I'm trying to process it.
Wait a minute, in the entry, Xiaoying keeps saying that her daughter is a new addition to my life and fulfills my wish. From the lines, it seems Xiaoying has always considered Duoduo my daughter, not her father's. What's going on? Does Xiaoying not know that Duoduo is her father's child? NTR? Adultery? Date rape? These words popped into my confused mind. It's no wonder I was so suspicious; getting Xiaoying pregnant without her knowledge was the only thing I could think of. Was her father doing it on purpose? What exactly happened? The answer might be in that diary entry after the birth. If it didn't hold the answer I wanted, I'd have to wait for them to return and confront them myself. I gritted my teeth and clicked on the only remaining unread entry. The entry slowly opened. Unlike the previous one, this one was incredibly long—perhaps the longest Xiaoying had ever written. I suppressed my negative emotions and began to read it carefully.
"My heart is so troubled. Why is God playing such a joke on me? I've been estranged from my father-in-law for so long, and I thought everything would be over. I never thought I would make this mistake and lose my virginity again. I hate myself, I hate God..." I had just glanced at the beginning of the diary when my heart suddenly tightened. There was hope. I glanced at the date of the diary. The date was more than four years ago. Counting the date of Duoduo's birth and the ten months of pregnancy, it wasn't too far off from the date of the diary. With trembling hands, I scrolled down the diary.
"It all started on my father-in-law's birthday. He was already married, and I spent a long time adjusting after the wedding. Eventually, as time went by, my mindset returned to normal. Seeing him with Aunt Zhang made me feel less conflicted; time is the best healer. This year was his first birthday after the wedding, but Aunt Zhang had to go back to her hometown for a wedding, leaving my father-in-law alone. So, my husband, son, and I went to celebrate his birthday together.
Facing him again, without Aunt Zhang's presence, we..." We glanced at each other, then instantly and involuntarily looked away. Although a long time had passed, so much had happened between us; how could we possibly feel nothing at all? My husband and I were cooking, while my father-in-law took Hao Hao for a stroll on the small island. It seemed like a long, long time since we'd experienced anything like this. Suddenly, I realized that I actually quite enjoyed this simple, ordinary family life.
At the dinner table, my father-in-law and husband clinked glasses, and seeing their happy expressions, I was infected by the harmonious atmosphere. I also drank a few glasses of red wine and toasted my father-in-law. When I toasted my father-in-law, I read something in his eyes: longing, love. It seemed that with the passage of time, his feelings for me hadn't diminished at all. His gaze made me panic, and I instantly forgot the birthday words I had prepared. I stammered and forgot what I said, much to the amusement of my husband and son. Only my father-in-law understood what had happened; he awkwardly covered his mouth and smiled.
Thinking back, this did happen. When Xiaoying toasted her father, since it was a toast, they needed to look at each other. Their glasses clinked together... When she was giving her congratulatory speech, her tone and words were initially quite fluent, but as she spoke, she lowered her head, began to stutter, and eventually forgot her words altogether. Since Xiaoying was sitting opposite me, and my father and Xiaoying were looking at each other with their faces turned to the side, I didn't see my father's expression; I only saw Xiaoying's flustered state.
Of course, I knew what had happened, but as Xiaoying forgot her words and Haohao chuckled, I laughed along and tried to cover for them. At that time, only a few months had passed since my father's wedding, and the two of them hadn't fully recovered from the memory, so some awkwardness was understandable.
"Gradually, my husband and father-in-law both drank too much, and I also had a few glasses of red wine, as I'm not a big drinker. My father-in-law seemed to have something on his mind; he was drowning his sorrows at the dinner table, drinking a lot. In the end, my husband and I couldn't stop him, and he eventually passed out. It took a lot of effort for my husband and me to get him to bed. I went to the kitchen to clean up the dishes, while my husband helped my father-in-law change his clothes.
Although I was still somewhat conscious, my limbs were starting to feel weak. I forced myself to finish cleaning up the kitchen despite the dizziness. When I returned to the bedroom, my husband and Hao Hao were already asleep. My husband had also drunk a lot, but his alcohol tolerance was..." It was much better than with my father-in-law. My husband was sleeping like a log; I had to nudge him for ages before he mumbled something and made room for me, which I then lay down on.
Lately, although my husband and I had made love a few times, to be honest, he really couldn't satisfy me, so I had to use a vibrator when my libido wasn't met. After lying down, I couldn't fall asleep. People say that alcohol leads to promiscuity, and that's really true; alcohol can stimulate libido. So, after lying down, I felt itchy in my chest and genitals, and I really wanted to have sex.
I glanced at my sleeping husband, and then, I don't know what came to mind... I turned my head towards my father-in-law's room, and scenes of our lovemaking began to replay in my mind. My lower body felt even more itchy, and when I touched it, I found it was very wet. At that moment, I had an urge to sneak up and go to my father-in-law's room, then sit on his large penis. Thinking about this, my whole body felt very hot, truly like the burning desire described in books.
But in the end, I just breathed a sigh of relief. My promises, my debts to my husband, his love for me all along, and the resolutions I had made—all these scenes flashed through my mind. Slowly, these thoughts... My wandering thoughts dissipated. I decided to stop thinking about these things. Regardless of whether my husband could satisfy me, from now on, I would only have my husband, and my body and heart would forever belong to him alone.
Since I was in the mood, why not make love to my husband? People get bolder when they drink. Hao Hao still sleeps in the same bed as us, and I had the guts to do it. If I hadn't been drinking, I definitely wouldn't have dared. Looking at my husband sleeping soundly, I decided to drug and rape him. Watching him sleep, I gently covered my mouth and smiled. Actually, I dared to do this because, firstly, I was drunk and bold, and secondly, Hao Hao has always been a very sound sleeper, even in thunder and lightning, that brat wouldn't wake up.
Just as I was about to drug and rape my husband, I suddenly felt a bloating in my lower abdomen. No wonder, I'd drunk so much red wine at dinner. I should go out and relieve myself first, otherwise, if I couldn't control myself during sex, he'd laugh at me. It was the middle of the night, and I felt a little scared. But the swelling in my bladder made me forget everything else, so I tried to rouse my husband to come with me. I tried for a long time, but he was fast asleep, like a log, and I couldn't wake him.
Finally, I had to give up; I felt I couldn't hold it in any longer. I gritted my teeth, got out of bed, and ran out. In my haste, I only wore a coat, with just a bra and underwear underneath. I left the bedroom and opened the door. The moment I opened the door, a cold wind blew in. It was eerie outside; the grass and trees swayed in the wind. I quickly went to the nearest patch of grass and started to relieve myself. At the same time, I was prepared to run away and shout, so that I could call for help and escape immediately if any emergency occurred. But thinking of my unconscious father-in-law and my husband who was like a dead pig, if something really happened, who would come to save me? Actually, don't blame me for being timid. In the past, when I was drunk, I wasn't this afraid at all. But on the last night with my father-in-law on this island, the time he ambushed me from behind in the bushes terrified me. Since then, I've been traumatized and have developed a particular fear of bushes and forests. Right now, I just want to finish this quickly and get back to my room. "
As I read this far in the log, my brain started racing. I remembered that less than three minutes after Xiaoying ran out, there was a knock on my father's bedroom door. It was clearly the sound of his bedroom door opening. Could it be that my father also needed to relieve himself, and in his dazed state, he went out and saw Xiaoying relieving herself, leading to a drunken one-night stand on a deserted island? I hadn't even finished reading the log. My mind was already starting to fantasize…
Chapter 189.
I shook my head; I felt a bit delirious. Sometimes my brain simply couldn't control its thoughts. I suppressed my wandering thoughts and continued reading:"
"Less than two minutes later, I finally finished. Without the physical urge, I was instantly terrified. I quickly put on my clothes and ran to the bedroom. Once back, I closed the door and leaned against it, breathing heavily. I hadn't expected to be so brave tonight; perhaps it was the alcohol. At that moment, I felt the effects of the alcohol kicking in again; my head was spinning. Although red wine has a low alcohol content, it has a strong aftereffect.
The room was dark, visibility was low, and my bladder felt relieved. It was time to satisfy my desires. Under the influence of alcohol, I groggily got into bed and crawled under the covers. That damn husband of mine, sleeping like a log, not even helping me to the bathroom. I decided to play a trick on him—to drug and rape him, and this time, it would be a woman drugging and raping a man.
I took off my underwear. At this point, I even suspected that the red wine might have been laced with drugs. I really wanted it tonight; maybe my husband hadn't satisfied me in a long time, or maybe it was this man tonight..." This scene hadn't happened in a long time. After taking off my clothes, I gently but quickly reached into my husband's pants and grasped his burning hot penis.
It was already semi-erect; alcohol enhances libido for both men and women. It seemed that although my husband was sound asleep, he was still lustful in his drowsy state. The stimulation from his hot penis made my vagina even wetter.
I rolled over onto my husband. Although Hao Hao was fast asleep, I couldn't move too much; if he woke up, I'd be mortified. I didn't make any other movements. I felt more horny than ever before, especially in this special setting and in this special way of drugging and raping him.
I didn't completely remove my husband's pants. I only pulled his underwear down to his thighs, exposing his penis. Then, I quickly and steadily mounted him, one hand parting my labia, the other supporting my husband. My husband's penis rubbed its glans against my labia, smoothing it out. Slowly, I felt his penis grow harder and thicker in my sleep, until it was fully erect. I was excited, and with the lubrication of my vagina, I slowly sat down on his penis. It was so hot, so comfortable; I hadn't felt this full in a long time. Under the influence of alcohol, I began to move up and down on my husband's body, his penis inside me so hot and full.
I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning, so as not to wake Hao Hao next to me, but from beginning to end, I felt something strange, something I couldn't quite put my finger on, just something very strange. My mind was hazy, controlled by lust; people who have been drinking are usually slow to react. After moving up and down on my husband's body for a few minutes, my first orgasm came. I felt a tingling, tingling sensation all over my body, and I felt incredibly comfortable.
I sat firmly on my husband's body, savoring the afterglow of my orgasm. This was really strange. I actually climaxed within minutes. In the past, even if my husband ejaculated, I rarely climaxed. I braced my hands on either side of my husband's body, his erect penis still inside me.
At the moment of climax, I looked down and found my husband's lips in the darkness, and kissed him deeply.
My climax slowly subsided. Afterward, my mind cleared up considerably. It was strange; it seemed my husband hadn't ejaculated, and why was he so thick today? And why did his lips have so many nipples? Wait, thick, nipples? My heart suddenly skipped a beat.
No wonder everything was so unusual, everything was so familiar. I held my breath, then pulled my lips away from "my husband's lips," then picked up the phone next to the pillow, pressed the standby button, and, using the phone's dim light, looked at what I had always thought was "my husband." Boom… My brain suddenly exploded. I rubbed my eyes hard with my other hand, then confirmed it again.
The man beneath me wasn't my husband, but my father-in-law! Using the dim light of my phone, I looked around. I wasn't in my husband's and my room at all, but in my father-in-law's. This shock instantly sobered me up. I tried to recall everything that had just happened, and I could hardly believe it.
After relieving myself outside, in a state of fear, I ran back as fast as I could. Because I was drunk and distracted, I had followed my old habit and run straight to my father-in-law's room. In the past, when my husband and I visited my father-in-law's house, we would always go into his bedroom to chat, eat, etc. I rarely went into the other bedroom, so I was most familiar with his bedroom and had entered it the most. I never imagined that, under the influence of fear, I would have unknowingly run into his room based on this old habit.
Moreover, my father-in-law was wearing pajamas, while my husband, having forgotten his pajamas, was wearing underwear. These unusual details, under the influence of alcohol and lust, had been completely ignored. Most importantly, my father-in-law and husband have a significant size difference, which I hadn't noticed or even considered. After all, I'd had countless sexual encounters with my father-in-law over the past year, and I was very familiar with his body, so I didn't feel any sense of unfamiliarity and didn't detect anything unusual. No
wonder my orgasm came so quickly tonight, and his penis was so hot and thick. Realizing this, I looked down at my genitals. Since my father-in-law hadn't ejaculated yet, his still-erect penis was deeply inserted into my vagina. The orgasm had subsided. My desire, filled by my father-in-law's penis, surged again. My body trembled uncontrollably; I wanted to continue the thrusting motion, to reach orgasm again and again. I had always tried to control myself from thinking about my father-in-law's body, but his penis had been constantly on my mind lately. Now, his penis had unintentionally entered my vagina again, and I still felt so good; it hadn't faded with time.
Just as I hesitated, I suddenly remembered my promises to my husband, my promises for our future life together, the debts I owed him, and my promise to make amends. I thought of everything I had done recently, the fetus I lost due to the abortion, and my Buddhist faith to lessen my sins. I decided I couldn't continue. I suppressed my physical desires, withdrew my father-in-law's penis from my vagina, and slowly got off him. With a "pop," his incredibly wet penis withdrew from my vagina. I knew his stamina; even in his sleep, he was far from ejaculating. I quickly grabbed the warm towel I had used to relieve myself, then swiftly wiped his hard penis clean, put it back in his underwear and pajamas, and pulled his pants back up.
Thankfully, my father-in-law was very drunk tonight; judging from his appearance, he showed no reaction whatsoever and was probably unconscious. I touched my vulva; it was wet with my own vaginal fluid and semen. Thankfully, my father-in-law hadn't ejaculated. My husband and I were trying to conceive a second child. If he had just ejaculated on me, I would have had to take the morning-after pill again. While that would prevent me from getting pregnant with his child, all our efforts would have been wasted. Since he hadn't ejaculated, and given his age,
even if he had, the chances of pregnancy would be extremely slim. So I had nothing to worry about. Thankfully, I discovered it early, preventing a major disaster. At this point, only about ten minutes had passed since I left the room to relieve myself. I needed to hurry back to the bedroom.
I dressed, then slowly and silently opened my father's bedroom door. After taking a few deep breaths in the hallway, I opened my husband's and my bedroom door. I slowly lay down on the bed. This time, I confirmed it was my husband's and my room. He was still fast asleep, like a log. At that moment, I couldn't help but feel a little resentful towards him. If he hadn't been sleeping so soundly, this whole farce wouldn't have happened. His wife had just been violated by his father again.
Sigh, this was truly just an accident, but it served as a wake-up call. Luckily, both my father-in-law and husband were drunk and fast asleep; otherwise, it could have been a disaster, and I wouldn't have been able to explain myself. This incomplete sexual encounter with my father-in-law also brought my infidelity to a perfect close. I must be extremely careful in the future to prevent such things from happening again. From now on, I will focus on loving my husband, my children, and my family…

After reading this entry, my thoughts turned to memories. After reading Xiaoying's account, I realized that what she described matched the events of that day. It was then that I remembered that I only heard my father's bedroom door open once that night; it didn't open a second time. If my father had gone out to relieve himself and opened the door when he returned, the door should have opened again. I hadn't even noticed this anomaly at the time.
Looking back now, it seems that Xiaoying went to relieve herself, finished in two minutes, and then, in a daze, went into her father's room by mistake. That's why I heard the door open. About ten minutes later, Xiaoying returned, but she had sneaked out of her father's room and opened the door very quietly, so I didn't hear a sound. And it was precisely during those ten minutes that Xiaoying, unknowingly, had incomplete sexual intercourse with her father.
I checked my father's birthday that year on my phone's calendar and compared it with Duoduo's birth date, discovering that the time of that night with her father roughly corresponds to the time when Xiaoying became pregnant. Xiaoying was surprisingly relaxed at the time, thinking that since there was no ejaculation, she didn't need to take birth control pills. What she didn't know was that even if a man doesn't ejaculate completely, the pre-ejaculate fluid secreted by the glans penis during intercourse still contains a small amount of sperm, which is why withdrawal often fails as a contraceptive method. Before Xiaoying had an IUD inserted after giving birth to Haohao, she always insisted I use condoms. However, I didn't like condoms, so I lied to her, saying I could withdraw and wouldn't get pregnant. For the year before Xiaoying got an IUD, I used withdrawal, and I never got pregnant. This unintentionally led Xiaoying to believe that if a man didn't ejaculate, pregnancy wouldn't happen.
After reading this post, everything is clear. I never imagined that in just ten minutes, without my father ejaculating, and in the woman-on-top position (the least fertile position), Xiaoying would get pregnant with my father's child, Duoduo. It seems I was already infertile during that time; otherwise, all my efforts over so many days wouldn't have been enough to compete with my father's one incomplete night.
Was it fate? Such a low probability, such a coincidence, and it happened to me. Can I blame Xiaoying?
Can I blame my father? Can I blame Duoduo? Who should I blame? I should blame myself the most. I checked the time; they wouldn't be back for more than ten minutes. What should I do when they get back? I was filled with anxiety, but before I could dwell on it for long, my phone rang on my desk. I looked and saw it was Aunt Zhang calling…
Chapter 190
The ringing of my phone startled me awake. I saw it was Aunt Zhang calling; it seemed they would be home soon. This call was probably to tell me something. Since marrying Aunt Zhang, my father and Aunt Zhang had been inseparable. Aunt Zhang had always kept my father's phone, so the caller ID listed my father's number as Aunt Zhang's. But at this moment, did I even have the heart to answer the phone?
The phone continued to ring. I turned my gaze to the window. From this angle, I could see the entrance to our community. I seemed to see three figures: Xiaoying holding Duoduo's hand, and my father holding her hand on Duoduo's other side. In his other hand, he was carrying the groceries for tonight's meal. In the setting sun, they were a family of three, weren't they? Duoduo was their biological child. The two of them, holding their child's hand, looked like such a warm and loving family of three. Suddenly, the phone stopped ringing, and I woke up from my reverie. I shook my head and realized there was no sign of the three of them at the community entrance. I had just been hallucinating. This was a very dangerous sign.
I was deeply shaken. What should I do? Xiaoying's diary told me that although Duoduo's situation was understandable, a coincidence and a twist of fate, could that be a reason for me to forgive? Duoduo was a living, breathing life, Xiaoying and her father's biological child. It was completely unexpected and something I couldn't accept. What should I do?
In any case, when they come back, I will ask them all the questions. Since things have come to this point, I've decided I won't live such a timid and cowardly life anymore. The birth of their child has crossed my bottom line, regardless of the reason. Just then, Aunt Zhang's phone rang again. It had already rung once. Usually, if I didn't answer her call, she knew I was busy and wouldn't call again, waiting for me to call her back when it was convenient. But this time was unusual; Aunt Zhang was calling me repeatedly. Could something have happened? I sighed. Even if the sky were to fall, I wouldn't care. What could possibly alarm me?
"Jincheng, quick! Your father has collapsed! We're near Jinxiu Street. I've already called 120. You need to come quickly!" Aunt Zhang's urgent voice came through the phone as soon as I answered.
"Okay," I answered blankly, replying absentmindedly after hearing Aunt Zhang's words, and then hung up.
After hanging up, my mind was still blank, and I didn't react for a long time. Wait, what? Father collapsed? Remembering my father's condition and the doctor's instructions, it finally came to my senses. I jumped up immediately, not caring about anything else at that moment, because I roughly guessed what my father's collapse meant. I hurriedly put the medical reports back into the file folder, then into my briefcase, and quickly put on my shoes and ran outside. Once outside, I called Aunt Zhang to ask for the exact location, and then drove to where my father had collapsed.
When I arrived, the ambulance was already there. I helped the doctors lift my father into the ambulance, and Aunt Zhang accompanied him in the ambulance while I drove behind to the hospital. I believe Aunt Zhang had already notified Xiaoying, and at that moment I had no desire to call Xiaoying. It's truly one problem after another. First Duoduo's incident, then my father's fainting, and today was also my father's birthday. I never imagined that he wouldn't be able to celebrate his birthday before ending up in the hospital.
At the hospital, my father was admitted to the intensive care unit. Before arriving, I had already notified his attending physician by phone, so he and his team were already prepared. After several minutes of resuscitation efforts, my father finally regained consciousness. I went to the doctor's office, while Aunt Zhang stayed by my father's bedside.
"The cancer cells have spread, metastasized to the bones, and have reached the bone marrow. This is the most worrying and frightening situation, and also the most dangerous. We will try our best to reduce the patient's suffering and prolong his life," the doctor said to me with a sorrowful expression after taking off his mask in the office.
"Is there no hope?" Having suffered two devastating blows in one day, I swayed slightly, and the doctor quickly supported me. My voice was hoarse as I asked.
"Yes, patients with late-stage cancer and bone metastasis experience excruciating bone pain in their lower body. Current anesthesia and painkillers are ineffective against this pain. Most patients suffer terribly before death, and..." The doctor could only look at me with pity, a pang of sympathy for my unfortunate family.
I walked numbly out of the office. Before my father's surgery, I had already thoroughly researched the possibility of a relapse. If there was no recurrence after the orchiectomy, everything would be fine; but if there was a recurrence and the cancer spread, there would truly be no cure. Before death, because the cancer had spread to the bone marrow, the patient would experience severe bone pain, rendering any painkiller useless, even medications like Demerol, which are strictly controlled in hospitals. It's fair to say that people with this disease ultimately die from the pain. Unfortunately, euthanasia is not legal in China. In some countries where it is legal, people with this disease are usually euthanized. With no cure and immense suffering before death, euthanasia might be a better way to reduce pain and die peacefully. However, it's not available in our country, so my father can only wait for his condition to worsen and he will die in agony.
After leaving the office, I didn't go into my father's room. I sat down on a chair in the corridor, then buried my face in my hands, feeling utterly helpless. Two devastating events happened on the same day, which I couldn't bear. Although my father had violated my beloved wife and given birth to my half-sister, he was still my father who gave me life. He was beyond saving and didn't have many days left to live. Filial piety is paramount, and at that moment, I felt nothing but heartache. I thought of my deceased mother, and now my father was dying too. Who could guide me?
Just as I was feeling helpless, I felt someone grasp my hand. From the touch, I knew it was Xiaoying. I rubbed my face between my knees to dry my tears, then looked up and saw Xiaoying standing before me with Duoduo. Her face was also etched with pain; she had guessed her father's illness, and seeing me like this, she knew without me saying a word. After everything that had happened, seeing Xiaoying now felt like seeing a complete stranger.
"Daddy, what happened to Grandpa?" A clear, childlike voice rang out. I looked at Duoduo; she was still as adorable as ever, wearing the clothes I had dressed her myself that morning, but… her identity had changed. "
Daddy, Grandpa?" It felt inappropriate for her to say those words now. Knowing her identity and our blood relation, she should have said, "Brother, what happened to Daddy?" That would have been more appropriate, I thought to myself, but I said nothing. My awkward younger sister, Duoduo, gave an unnatural smile, and then I lowered my head again.
"Duoduo, don't disturb Daddy. Let him have some peace and quiet. Shall we go see Grandpa and Grandma?" I heard Xiaoying say this as I buried my head between my legs. Then, the sound of two footsteps, one big and one small, slowly faded away. Xiaoying thought my father was seriously ill, and I had no heart to speak. Little did she know, things were far more complicated than that. If I confronted her and told her the truth about Duoduo, I wondered how she would react.
Would she still have the face and courage to continue living?
After sitting in the corridor for a while, Aunt Zhang came out. I heard footsteps approaching, and I recognized her. I looked up, my face wet with tears, and nodded to her.
Seeing my nod and the tears on my face, Aunt Zhang understood everything. She finally couldn't hold back her tears and cried. I had to suppress my own grief and comfort her. You could say that Aunt Zhang was the only one without any connection to the situation; she was the most innocent victim, and I respected her greatly. Seeing the situation today and her heartbroken state, I wondered if I had made a mistake in bringing her and my father together.
After we stayed outside for a while, wiping away our tears, we returned to the ward. The doctor gave my father an IV drip. He lay on the bed, his eyes vacant and lifeless. He was probably thinking about many things, recalling many events. Of all of us, his heart was the most conflicted. This hospitalization was different from the last one. Last time there was hope, but this time, on his birthday, fate had sentenced him to death. The sudden accident left my father bewildered, and he could only slowly accept and process it.
No one needed to tell my father about his condition. Before his last surgery, he had already understood everything clearly. Coupled with the atmosphere in the ward today, my father didn't need to ask anyone for confirmation. This accident also disrupted my plan to confront him. In this situation, who should I confront? My father? A dying man, and now, compared to his illness, this matter was no longer important.
A short while later, my parents-in-law arrived with Hao Hao. It seemed Xiaoying had called them, prompting the two elders to come. Seeing his in-laws, my father's previously vacant eyes regained some light; after all, my in-laws rarely visited. He stood up, forcing a smile, and simply waved to them without saying a word. Normally, this might be considered extremely impolite, but at this moment, everyone would understand, and no one would object.
"Jincheng, today is my birthday. I'd like to have a drink with my in-laws. Could you arrange it…" My father finally spoke after waking up, and it was his first sentence. His voice trembled, and I saw a deathly stillness in his eyes, along with a hint of fear of death.
Given his current condition, my father shouldn't drink anymore, but he didn't have long to live, and today was his birthday; no one tried to dissuade him from drinking. I nodded, then put on my coat, preparing to go out to buy some food and drinks. My mind was much clearer now. The night outside was already hazy. What should have been a joyous and celebratory day was instead filled with sorrow. On my father's birthday, fate had also sentenced him to death. Today's banquet would surely be bitter, devoid of laughter and joy, filled only with sadness…
Chapter 191.
I left the hospital and drove to a well-known restaurant in the city. After discussing with the manager, I booked a table, but needed the restaurant to deliver it to the hospital, including tableware and the table itself. For this, I paid a considerable amount extra. In today's society, money is everything when it comes to material possessions. After waiting for a while, I drove back to the hospital with the restaurant's "whole team" of food and drinks.
I know the hospital leaders, and after a brief greeting, the hospital tacitly approved, as long as we didn't make a lot of noise. My father had been moved from the ICU to a very spacious private room. The restaurant staff and chefs were busy preparing, and soon a large banquet table appeared in the room, complete with all the necessary equipment. Seeing such a large feast, the group, who should have been celebrating, showed no joy whatsoever.
"Haha, this year's birthday is special, being celebrated in a hospital room, and the restaurant chef has prepared this banquet, so good…" Instead, my father suddenly beamed, taking the first bite of his favorite braised pork knuckle and raving about it.
"What are you all standing for? Hurry up and eat…" After taking a bite, seeing us still standing, my father
smiled and quickly urged everyone to sit down.
My parents-in-law, Aunt Zhang, Xiaoying and I, Haohao and Duoduo—eight people in total—had turned this hospital room into a birthday banquet tinged with sadness. My father was eating heartily, a broad smile on his face, seemingly unaware that he was about to die. But everyone knew it was a sign of despair; he was beyond saving, so he might as well eat and drink as he pleased. He'd even given up smoking, but perhaps it was all just a facade. How much bitterness lay within him, none of us knew.
He drank glass after glass, and we merely kept him company. He ate voraciously, but we ate very little, just watching him. Aunt Zhang struggled to hold back her tears. Only my innocent son, Duoduo, ate happily with him. If only I were Duoduo's age. Eating, sleeping, going to school, watching cartoons, carefree. Surprisingly, no one at the table said "Happy Birthday," no one offered birthday wishes. I had asked Xiaoying to buy a cake for my father, but after his accident, Xiaoying left him at home. At a time like this, who cares about anything else?
My father-in-law, a seasoned government official, spent most of the dinner talking with my father. He chatted and laughed with him, never mentioning the illness, which eased the somber atmosphere somewhat. As the meal progressed, my father also drank quite a bit. He, who usually had a high tolerance for alcohol, was now somewhat drunk. Perhaps he had been trying to drown his sorrows, but drinking only made things worse.
My father, who shouldn't have gotten drunk, did. In his drunken state, his true feelings were revealed. His laughter suddenly turned into tears, and he couldn't help but weep. At that moment, he finally shed all pretense, revealing his fear of death. Everyone shed tears; the sorrow was finally released. Only my father-in-law put his arm around my father's shoulder, offering silent comfort. At that moment, no words could console someone suffering from a terminal illness.
The banquet lasted very late, not because everyone ate for a long time, but because everyone was with my father. Later that evening, my parents-in-law and Xiaoying took Hao Hao and Duo Duo home to rest, while Aunt Zhang and I stayed with my father at the hospital. My father, having drunk quite a bit, slowly began to sleep. Without the alcohol's hypnotic effect, tonight would certainly have been a sleepless night. After my father fell asleep, Aunt Zhang and I went to the corridor. Aunt Zhang was wiping away tears beside me; neither of us spoke. I knew the bitterness in her heart. She was a very good woman. She and my father had been married for over five years, and their relationship had always been harmonious. Aunt Zhang was content with her life, but unexpectedly, they couldn't be together until their old age; she was alone again.
"Mom, don't worry. I'm about to lose my father, but you'll always be my mother. I'll pour all the filial piety I have for both my father and mother into you. I'll definitely take care of you in your old age and see you off in your final days." I put my arm around Aunt Zhang's shoulder and said firmly. These weren't just polite words; they were my true feelings. Five years is a short time, but our feelings for Aunt Zhang are very deep. Aunt Zhang treated me and my child as her own. She only has a daughter, no son, and I decided to take care of her until I pass away.
A month later...
Watching the slightly black smoke rising from the crematorium chimney, indicating that my father's body was being cremated, Aunt Zhang and I, wearing white sheets, waited to collect the ashes. Xiao Ying was supporting Aunt Zhang, who was exhausted from the grief and the funeral arrangements. She could barely stand and needed Xiao Ying's support. My parents-in-law were taking care of Hao Hao and Duo Duo, along with a group of colleagues and relatives.
After waiting for about half an hour, we received a tray of ashes in a foil container from the cremation workshop's collection window. Because the ashes were freshly removed and very hot, the staff asked us to place them on the urn stand to cool down. Our family shed tears as we looked at my father's ashes. Although Xiaoying wasn't as grief-stricken as Aunt Zhang, she still cried for several nights. Sometimes, when she was alone, she would silently stare blankly, lost in thought, perhaps reminiscing or remembering.
Because my father died of cancer, the center of his ashes was black, a result of long-term medication. Seeing my father's ashes filled us with immense emotion. Everything seemed to have turned to dust with him, slowly decomposing into nature over time. What would be left in the end? Perhaps only memories. After a while, the geomancer began chanting as he placed my father's ashes into the urn. After all the ceremonies were completed, our convoy, carrying the urn and our relatives, headed towards the cemetery.
According to the customs of our hometown, my father should have been buried with my mother after his death. This would have required sending his ashes back to the countryside, a very long journey. However, before his death, my father left a will requesting that his ashes be buried in a city cemetery, not in the ancestral graveyard in the countryside, and not with my mother. When my father made this will, no one understood. Perhaps only Xiaoying and I truly understood.
My father had made many mistakes in the past few years. Aside from having a sexual relationship with his daughter-in-law, Xiaoying, who became pregnant without his knowledge, he had also remarried, marrying Aunt Zhang in his later years. No matter the reason, he couldn't bear to be buried with my deceased mother. In his heart, he couldn't face being buried in the ancestral graveyard with his elders, nor could he face his mother in the afterlife. When he made this will, his eyes were filled with guilt and fear. If he were buried in the ancestral graveyard with my mother, he feared he wouldn't find peace even in death.
A dying man's words are often kind. Before my father passed away, he was bedridden, unable to speak, emaciated, and could only groan daily. Perhaps he was in great pain, but even groaning lacked strength; he could only keep his eyes open, constantly shedding tears. His tears before death contained so much: the endless pain from his bone fractures, the guilt in his heart, and the shame of facing his ancestors and his deceased first wife after death. He had only committed one truly wrong act in his life, yet it made him so terrified of death, so afraid to face it.
Perhaps he sensed his impending death. On the morning of his passing, around nine o'clock, I took food to the hospital to deliver to Aunt Zhang. As soon as I entered the ward, my father turned his eyes to look at me. At that time, he could no longer turn his head, only move his eyeballs. Although his eyes were lifeless, they were filled with complex emotions. Perhaps he had so much to say to me, but he couldn't speak it. Even if he could speak, he couldn't say it, burying it in his heart, taking it to his coffin as an eternal secret.
After I opened the lunchbox for Aunt Zhang, she was about to eat when I saw my father, with a sudden burst of strength, look at me and raise his arm and hand. Before this, he hadn't even had the strength to turn his head. Confused, I wondered what he wanted and looked around, wondering what he needed. Just then, Aunt Zhang turned around. Having lived with my father for five years and caring for him all this time, she understood what he meant.
"He asked you to hold his hand..." Aunt Zhang, being elderly and experienced, perhaps already sensed something. Tears welled in her eyes as she spoke to me. I quickly went over and took my father's hand. His lips trembled; I didn't know what he wanted to say, but his expression was urgent. I could feel his guilt and urgency. He might have sensed his impending death; he was filled with regret and helplessness. Aunt Zhang, however, took a bag from the cupboard. I didn't know what was inside; my attention was entirely on my father. My
father and I hadn't shaken hands in a long, long time. I remembered him holding my hand as a child, leading me to visit neighbors in the countryside—that was the only memory I had of him holding my hand. I felt the moisture slowly drying from his hand. After glancing at me a few times, his eyes suddenly rolled upwards, and he seemed to be struggling to breathe. I quickly pressed the emergency alarm, waiting for the doctor to arrive. Aunt Zhang didn't make any other move. Unlike before, she didn't rush out to call the doctor. Instead, after seeing my father shake my hand, she quietly searched for something. A short while later... She pulled a set of clothes directly from the bag—the burial clothes prepared for her father.
It turned out that Aunt Zhang had long sensed her father's impending death and had already found the burial clothes. Before the doctors entered the ward, her father's hand slowly slipped from mine. After the doctors entered the ward, they checked her father's heartbeat and eyes, then shook their heads at me. During her father's hospitalization, he had been on the verge of death several times, but the hospital had resuscitated him each time. This time, his life had finally come to an end.
Aunt Zhang and I tearfully dressed her father in his burial clothes. We had been prepared for this day for a long time, but we hadn't expected it to come so soon. After everything was arranged, I called Xiaoying and my parents-in-law. My colleagues also rushed over. Since my parents-in-law were my only true relatives in the city, my colleagues at work helped me with the funeral home and death certificate procedures, while I handled the most crucial and indispensable formalities. Afterwards, I asked Aunt Zhang how she knew my father was dying. She told me that people suddenly become more energetic and vigorous than usual before they die; this is called a final burst of energy before death, indicating that death is not far off.
I bought a relatively high-end burial plot for my father in the local cemetery. It's a double burial plot, but only my father is buried there now. Aunt Zhang said she wants to reserve the other spot for herself; she plans to be buried with my father after she dies, rather than with her original husband. We have obtained the consent of Aunt Zhang's family for this, which has further strengthened my determination to support Aunt Zhang in her old age.
I knelt before my father's tombstone with Hao Hao, Duo Duo, and Xiao Ying. With everything finished, the preliminary arrangements for my father's funeral were complete. Seeing his tombstone, all sorts of emotions surged through me. Like my father, my strongest feeling was overwhelming regret—regret for everything I had done. If only time could turn back…
Chapter 192
Another month later…
My father's funeral was complete, and the mourning period was over. I brought Xiao Ying, Hao Hao, Duo Duo, and my mother, Aunt Zhang, to Beijing. This was the trip I had agreed to with Sao Ga, though it had been delayed for over five years. During those five years, we had been looking for opportunities to visit Beijing. The first year, due to my emotional state, I lacked the enthusiasm to come. Subsequent opportunities were delayed because of having a child and the birth of Duo Duo. Now, we finally had the chance. It was just to offer Aunt Zhang some comfort and to help the whole family emerge from the grief and relax together.
However, of all the people we had agreed to meet, my father was missing. After meeting Sao Ga, he also sighed deeply. When my father passed away, Sao Ga flew in from Beijing specifically for this purpose. Officially, as the regional general manager of the power company, he needed to come to arrange work-related matters and my father's salary after his death. Personally, he was attending his good friend's father's funeral. Actually, he didn't need to come at all. I'm incredibly grateful for his kindness. Before he left, he sincerely invited me to Beijing to relax, which led to this trip.
Along the way, I focused on accompanying Aunt Zhang, while Xiao Ying took care of Hao Hao and Duo Duo, since Duo Duo is still young. Since my father's passing, Aunt Zhang hasn't been able to recover from her grief. She can't eat or sleep well, and the once full-figured and charming woman has become much thinner and listless. It was only this first trip to Beijing that helped her somewhat forget her sorrow.
This time, we visited the Summer Palace, seeing many historical sites and exhibits. This once magnificent imperial garden has now become a place for modern tourists to visit. No matter how magnificent the past, or how high the emperors once reigned, they are all history now. Those emperors have long since turned to dust, forever vanishing from this world, leaving only memories and historical topics for children to study.
Like my father, he and Xiaoying gave me so many unforgettable memories—some painful, some exciting. And now? He has long since disappeared from this world, turned into a small pile of ashes, slowly decomposing into nature, leaving me only with memories. Initially, I harbored some resentment towards my father, but after his terminal illness, all I saw was pity and heartache. After his death, I felt only regret and sorrow for him. While I wasn't the culprit, I was certainly the catalyst for everything.
My mother's death, and now my father's, have deeply affected me, especially now standing in the Summer Palace, a place steeped in history. Before, I was always indifferent and irresponsible towards life and my own health.
I care about others, but not myself. I tell my family: "It's getting cold, remember to wear more clothes, remember to take good care of yourself." But I don't know how to take care of myself. I forget to wear more clothes when it's cold, I forget to bring an umbrella when it rains, I never eat breakfast, I don't want to see a doctor when I'm sick, and even if I do, I forget to take my medicine on time… My family says: "Just take good care of yourself. Don't worry us." I always smile slightly: "I'm fine." I
always thought I was young, full of vigor and vitality, feeling that even the biggest problems would be solved. Wasn't that the courage I had when I brought my father and Xiaoying together? But now I've paid an unbearable price, and I have no choice but to bear it. As the years rush by, I've quickly passed through the glories and hardships of life, tasted the happiness and bitterness, laughter and tears; when I stand in front of the mirror and find a few more gray strands in my once black hair, I suddenly realize that I'm no longer young. The cycle of life, the signs of life, tell me that I'm slowly growing old.
If my fate is destined to be one of withering and decay, if all my brilliance is destined to be fleeting like fireworks, then I pray that it all ends as soon as possible, that I don't have to live in such pain, and that I can wait patiently for the next cycle of reincarnation in my suffering. Youth is wonderful, youth brings victory! Alas, I am no longer young. No matter how much resentment I harbor, I am powerless to sculpt time, the signs of life, or the cycle of fate. Everything can only be changed by time. This is an unchangeable law of nature. Faced with life, I can only feel: it's so good to be alive!
"Honey, what are you thinking about? You seem so engrossed!" Just as I was reminiscing and reflecting on the fragility and beauty of life, I was interrupted by an increasingly mature voice beside me.
I turned my head and saw Xiaoying standing beside me, holding a child's hand in each hand, smiling at me. Xiaoying has lost a lot of weight during this time. After all, she is partly responsible for her father's current fate, and she knows it herself. Countless times, I've seen her secretly shedding silent tears, her eyes filled with endless regret and guilt. Since her father's death, she has been chanting Buddhist prayers more and more frequently, for longer periods of time. But she has become kinder and kinder to me. No matter how much pain she is in, she will always face me with a smile, showing me care and concern, and trying her best to help me out of my grief. In fact, I know that her sorrow is no less than mine.
Thinking back to that night, when she realized halfway through that the man beneath her wasn't me, but her father, she was able to resist the temptation of lust and leave him halfway. This showed her determination to sever ties with him. If she hadn't succumbed that night, I wouldn't have worried about anything. I never imagined that fate would sever things so completely, taking my father's life. Heaven, are you helping me?
"Nothing much, just a lot of feelings and reflections..."
It was lunchtime, so we found a fast food restaurant. We originally wanted to eat stir-fries, but Aunt Zhang was taking care of the two children, and children prefer fast food, like pizza and hamburgers. At the table, the three of us adults only ate a few bites and then stopped. In the month since my father's death, everyone's appetite had decreased. Only the two children ate heartily, especially Duoduo. She's still young and doesn't fully understand the meaning of death. We only told her that Grandpa had gone on a long trip and wouldn't be back for a very long time. After all, my father was very good to Duoduo when he was alive; that's how it is in Northeast China—the youngest is often the most pampered.
Dodo has gained a lot of weight and is currently munching away. She finished a large hamburger and is now sitting in a chair, holding a cup with both hands, her cheeks puffed out as she gulps down juice through a straw. Xiaoying and Aunt Zhang are taking care of Dodo, as she's only four years old. Looking at Xiaoying and Aunt Zhang, they are unaware of Dodo's true identity; they would never imagine that this child is her father's offspring, his late-in-life child. Originally, my parents only had me as their only son, and now they have a daughter.
Watching Dodo's carefree and adorable eating and drinking, my heart is filled with mixed emotions, and I feel incredibly sorry for her. All the blame lies with us adults; Dodo is just a child. If I had confronted them then, the biggest victim wouldn't have been me, but this four-year-old Dodo. No matter how big the mistake, the child is innocent. If I had laid everything bare and revealed Dodo's true identity, the family might have fallen apart, but it could have been rebuilt, and life could have continued. But what about Dodo? She became the product of incest between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. How will others view her when she grows up? She will suffer criticism and scorn throughout her life, even being gossiped about behind her back. It's safe to say that if things go wrong, Duoduo's life could be completely ruined.
Now, both my father and mother have passed away. I've lost both parents, and the only remaining blood relatives are Duoduo and Haohao. Aunt Zhang, Xiaoying, and my parents-in-law are all very close to me, but we are not related by blood. Duoduo isn't my daughter, but she is my sister, my closest blood relative. Originally, I thought that knowing Duoduo's true identity would create distance between us, but in reality, every time I see Duoduo's chubby, cute, and innocent face, I can't suppress the love in my heart. She is so innocent; I simply can't bring myself to hurt her. It is because of Duoduo, coupled with my father's passing, that I temporarily abandoned the idea of revealing everything.
Now that my father is gone, everything has vanished, and the past will never happen again. What's the point of pursuing it now? In the end, it all boils down to broken families.

We'd all finished eating, except for Duoduo. Seeing how happily she was eating, we couldn't bear to stop her; she ate more than any of us adults. Looking at Duoduo, I thought about my journey as the matchmaker for my father and Xiaoying. Their first touch, their first leg-to-leg sex, their first oral sex, their first intercourse, their first kiss, their first exploration of different positions, their first phone sex, the first time I heard their sounds of lovemaking, the first time I saw
them make love, the first time I saw them have sex in the wild, the first time I saw them make love in wedding dresses, all the way to the end, and now, unexpectedly, I'm pregnant with Duoduo. I realize that the role I initially set for myself as a "matchmaker" was incredibly fitting. Although my father is gone now, before he died, he and Xiaoying did almost everything a married couple should do: sex, making love, having a child, a wedding—oh, the only thing missing was a legally binding marriage certificate. In the end, I truly was a matchmaker, but I paid the price myself. The cycle of cause and effect, the inescapable retribution—this is the Buddhist concept of karma that I finally believe in. With so many followers, Buddhism must have some truth to it.
After my trip, I returned home and resumed my demanding work. My daughter, Xiaoying, also started working. Because of my father's passing, I brought Aunt Zhang to live with me. From now on, Aunt Zhang will help me take care of the children, do laundry, and cook until she grows old. Life slowly returned to normal, filled with laughter and joy, allowing me to gradually forget the past. Although I haven't completely forgotten, it's starting to fade.
That afternoon, I didn't go to work. After returning home, I took something from my briefcase that had been in the company safe for a long time—the paternity test report. I hadn't made it public or destroyed it. The report for Duoduo and her father was clearly damaged and yellowed. It wasn't intentional damage; it was because I had opened and closed it countless times at the company. I glanced at the report results again, then looked out the window at the sunset. Aunt Zhang had already gone to pick up Duoduo from kindergarten. I watched from the community gate as Aunt Zhang held Duoduo's hand in one hand and carried a shopping basket in the other.
Turning my gaze away from the window, I took out a lighter and burned several parent-child reports. All the secrets began to slowly disappear as the reports burned, finally turning to ashes and falling into the fireproof trash can. When all the reports were completely burned, my heart suddenly felt much lighter. I felt as if all the pressure had been released, and I slumped into my computer chair, savoring this long-lost relaxation.
"Ah… Daddy, you dared to play with fire! The teacher said playing with fire is wrong. I'm going to tell Mommy so she can spank you…" Hearing that childish voice, I instantly sat up. I turned and saw Duoduo standing in the doorway, one hand covering her little nose, the other on her hip, her little face puffed up with anger. Oh no, I forgot to open the window for ventilation! There was a strong smell of burning paper in the room. Seeing Duoduo's sullen face, I couldn't help but smile wryly...
(The End)

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Online novel reprint: I Became the Matchmaker Between My Father and Wife - Chapter 181 - The Finale

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