A feminist girl's co-creation experience

(Excerpt from chapters of Fang Gang's *Swappers: A Study of Intimate Relationships*)
We've already discussed Xiuxiu's story extensively.
In Chapter Four, we talked about how her upbringing fostered diverse values and her opposition to traditional sexual concepts, shaping her sexual script. In Chapter Five, we discussed how Xiuxiu's motivation for participating in communal sex stemmed from love for her lover. In Chapter Eleven, we'll discuss her "jealousy" within the communal sex context. Xiuxiu has also been a recurring subject of our analysis in other chapters. In this chapter, we'll explore the relationship between Xiuxiu and her lover, "Darling," from the perspective of "female autonomy."
Xiuxiu is deeply influenced by feminist thought and is a girl with a strong sense of gender identity; she also acknowledges herself as a feminist. From participating in communal sex to every experience within it, Xiuxiu unconsciously analyzes from a gender perspective. She doesn't simply and mechanically understand male power, but rather considers the issue of female "autonomy" from a more open perspective.
First, denying being "forced" into communal sex,
Xiuxiu diligently conducts gender analysis of communal sex situations. Y is a girl who likes Xiuxiu's lover and is willing to participate in a threesome with them. However, Xiuxiu's lover doesn't like Y, so the act is somewhat reluctant. Xiuxiu observed and conducted a gender analysis: "
When my darling was with Y, his expression was painful, and I patted his back to comfort him. From his perspective, I felt that if he didn't want to, he shouldn't have done it. But Y would be very sad; Y's sorrow was inevitable, but I wanted her to enjoy this moment of pleasure. It's a dilemma. Y's sorrow isn't just her own sorrow, nor is it my darling's fault. It's the sorrow of all women. If nature doesn't give a woman a good figure and appearance, even if she has a kind heart and sincere feelings, she won't be accepted by men. Gloria Steinem said, 'In fact, as long as other groups haven't been liberated, none of us can be liberated.' I speak out for Y, I speak out for women and all marginalized people!"
Once, a single man involved in Xiuxiu's cohabitation relationship with her lover picked her up. Xiuxiu wrote:
"When the single man saw me, he said: 'You're the prettiest girl who came out of that door this morning.' I smiled, thinking it was too fake. He said, 'You're so sharp-tongued.' Hearing a man say I'm pretty makes me happy and shy. Then I feel sad because a woman's youth and beauty are the easiest to fade. Then I feel disgusted because I feel 'improper,' and images of vulgar men in glamorous entertainment venues in movies and TV shows embracing glamorous women and saying: 'Miss, you're so beautiful.'"
We can see that Xiuxiu is sensitive to and abhors gender inequality in society. However, when involved in her lover's cohabitation relationship, she didn't feel she was being treated "unequally."
Xiuxiu's lover's "first cohabitation" was a failure. At the time, Xiuxiu's lover wanted to have a threesome with his friend D, and asked Xiuxiu to seduce D: "
D is an honest guy. When I saw him at the airport, I immediately realized he wasn't a suitable person to seduce." At the time, I didn't understand why my darling chose such a person. Without asking why, I would do it to fulfill his wish; loving someone means doing something for them, right?
That night, after we were intimate, my darling suddenly said, "Do you want to be fucked by D?" Deep down, I didn't want to, I don't know. I should have wanted to, because it was something I'd planned long ago, something I'd have to do sooner or later. But when I actually had to do it, the feeling was completely different from what I'd imagined. All the novelty of the plan was gone, replaced by fear and worry. First, I worried about my darling. Even though it was something we'd discussed, I was still afraid he'd be unhappy, afraid he'd think I'd easily sleep with someone else. I kept asking, "Darling, do you want me to go?" My darling tried to persuade me, "Just say yes, it's okay, you won't be unhappy. I love you, and you love me, that's all that matters." I suspected that these words were just encouragement to go to D, not genuine persuasion. Later, he said it was because D posed no threat to our relationship.
Secondly, I didn't know how D would see me. I didn't hate D, nor did I like him; I just felt I had to complete a task. But I never had the courage. I was afraid of seeing his contemptuous expression, afraid he would turn and walk away. I'm not a promiscuous girl, no! But my darling told me, "Men all think with their lower bodies; he'd love to." This shocked me. I didn't quite believe it, especially based on my observation of D—he wasn't that kind of person. But at that moment, I felt my darling really wanted to see something happen. This desire to submit to his will far outweighed my fear of the embarrassment I would face. I asked my darling to help me up, and he even dressed me and saw me out. I felt like I was sacrificing for him; he cared about me more. At that moment, I was happy.
Just a wall away, walking across seemed so easy yet so difficult. God, I've never done anything like this before. I don't think I've ever been this "open" before. Where did I get the strength? It's clearly inciting crime, haha.
Under my darling's influence, it seems like nothing is wrong. Thinking about it carefully, I guess it's my own potential that's the problem. I've always been confused about moral norms, wondering why most people oppose the choices of the minority, why we can only live in one way, dissatisfied with the oppressive state of society, yearning for freedom and control. Plus, in my SM fantasies, I've had too many scenarios of being taken by men to meet third parties, so it doesn't seem like a big deal. In short, things are determined by both internal and external factors; it was the combined effort of the two that brought this to fruition.
In Xiuxiu's description, we see her "passivity," even "reluctance," but as she herself noticed, "it was the combined effort of the two that brought this to fruition." Throughout the process, Xiuxiu kept emphasizing the role of love, stressing that she did all this based on her love for her lover. Even if we remove the element of suppressed female desire, and consider it merely a self-chosen act for love, it should be understood as a form of "empowerment."
Xiuxiu went to D's room and hinted at it, but D explicitly refused to be intimate with her. Then, Xiuxiu cried: "
I don't know what happened, tears just flowed down my face in that instant. Why?" I'm trying hard to recall how I felt then, but all I remember is being incredibly cold, and not knowing what I was doing. D must think I'm a bad woman, and how can I explain this to my darling? In his mind, a man wouldn't refuse a woman who offers herself to him. How could I be so stupid? I offered myself and he didn't want me! No one forced me, my darling didn't force me, and he wanted me to find happiness in the process. I know I forced myself.
"Don't cry," D said. "It's my fault. My life has always been so peaceful, reading books every day. I didn't want to disrupt this routine."
My darling was worried about me and came to get me. He came in smiling and said, "How are you?" as if it were natural. Seeing me with tears in my eyes under the covers, he said, "Baby, what's wrong?" He lifted the covers to check if I was dressed. Seeing my darling made me feel even more wronged, and I blurted out, "I didn't complete the task." Later, I realized I shouldn't have said that; it made me sound like I was forced. But my darling didn't blame me; he was still comforting me. I don't remember how I got out of D's bed, only that it felt so warm to lie back in my darling's arms. He kept comforting me: "It's not your fault, baby. I still love you the same as before. This is a process; how will we know what it's like if we don't try? It's okay, baby. It's not your problem, it's his problem... He won't think you're bad, he'll only think I'm bad."
"No, darling, I don't want him to think you're bad," I said.
My darling said, "This isn't something we can control. I hope we don't lose a friend, but there's nothing we can do. Let's just be okay. Tomorrow, let's act like nothing happened and be normal."
I wiped away my tears, wondering, is it really possible? Can we really act like nothing happened?
Xiuxiu said that when the three of them started dating the next day, "at first they pretended to be normal, and later they really were normal. I didn't even expect that this matter could be resolved so easily. Such a big thing! Maybe many things are not as 'big' or as serious as you imagine. Maybe many things will pass quickly like this, without leaving a trace." Six months after the incident, Xiuxiu's relationship with D was not affected.
I discussed this further with Xiuxiu, asking whether she was forced by her lover that night or if she was willing. Xiuxiu said, "It's not that we can do something with just anyone; there has to be the right person. Often, it's about the person, not the situation. I was actually quite sure D wouldn't do it, but my darling said D would, so I believed him. I didn't particularly want to go that night; I was cold and tired. But later, my darling encouraged me to go, which was related to his encouragement. It's not that I didn't want to at all, just that I didn't have a strong desire. If I really didn't want to, no matter how much he forced me, I wouldn't go. I went, and there was no coercion, which means I did want to a little."
This was Xiuxiu's first experience with a threesome. Later, as she experienced more, she no longer had such a strong psychological burden.
In another description of her sexual activity, from a feminist perspective, women are still "playthings," but Xiuxiu interpreted it differently: "
My darling came, and the 'single man' went to open the door. I heard him say, 'Waiting for you to be deflowered.' Deflowering, typical patriarchal language, reminded me of the solemn ceremony of a virgin prostitute's first night."
Looking into their eyes, I seemed to immediately understand the feelings of the dish on the plate before it was eaten. It wasn't disappointed at all, because it knew people were drooling over it and wanted everyone to share its deliciousness. After being chewed and digested, it would nurture new life in the fragrant soil.
They kept deferring to each other, "You go first," "No, no, you go first," and after several rounds, the darling still "deflowered" first. This was inevitable; the "single man" had no right here. Next, I changed positions and was pulled back and forth. I saw the "single man's" hand grab my ankle, a scene reminiscent of a butcher grabbing a pig's leg and lifting it up. In bed, human animality is unmistakably revealed, especially when two males face one female. This analogy doesn't mean I dislike such scenes; on the contrary, I enjoy the feeling of being pulled back and forth, which gives me a sense of playful joy.
Xiuxiu's statement suggests that the meaning of gender inequality symbols is not important; what matters is women's right to choose. That is, women can choose to practice the symbolic role of "gender inequality" in co-existing sexual relationships, as long as it is voluntary.
Some might say that Xiuxiu is a "masochist" and has a different understanding of things. However, this doesn't affect our discussion of personal choice.
Xiuxiu once made this insightful point: "
I don't believe that having the same number of men and women means equality. Equality can never be measured solely by such a form. Nor can it be judged by so-called 'imposition,' because such 'imposition' is pre-arranged. What if the person involved actually likes this 'imposition'? Is it equality to respect her wishes and implement this 'imposition,' or is it true 'equality' to violate her wishes and create a seemingly equal atmosphere?" Some might say that this desire is manufactured, and that women like this precisely because they are victims of patriarchal culture. The current task is to liberate them from this state of oppression and manipulation. But has this "liberation" become a new form of oppression? Moving from one monistic system to another, freedom and diversity have been completely forgotten, and this oppression is more terrifying than before.
(To be continued in sections two and three)

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/110322.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=110322&aspx=1

Previous Page : Did we succeed on our first attempt?

Next Page : 【conch】

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

A feminist girl's co-creation experience

comment Open a new window to view comments